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So we've got two immunity challenges and two Tribal Councils this week. Rupert can't contain his rage after losing Amanda, so he tells off Li'l Russell in the hopes that it will get a rise out of him and show his allies that he only cares about himself. It doesn't really work, but that's okay because later on, Li'l Russell will prove that all on his own. The immunity challenge has the contestants' arms attached to a bucket full of paint, because apparently the viewers at home really enjoy seeing women's armpit hair. I don't even have HDTV and I could see it. Not cool. Probst is able to lure everyone out of the game with food except for Parvati and Rupert. Rupert knows that if he loses this, he'll be going home , so he … loses it. He stumbled and fell. At least he didn't step down for donuts, like Colby did. And all is not lost, as Probst reads everyone a clue to the stupid idol. Back at camp, everyone desperately looks for it. Sandra finds it and is able to hide it before anyone else knows. Rupert does something intelligent, amazingly enough, and puts a large rock in his pocket so people will think he has the idol in there. Li'l Russell falls for it, and the Villains decide to split their votes just in case he plays it: three for Rupert, and three for Candice. Wait, Candice? Yes, that's right. Colby is freaking useless and pathetic and the female Villains decide that Candice can't be trusted and want her gone ASAP. At Tribal, there are three votes for Rupert and five for Candice, as the Heroes vote for her, too.
Back at camp, Li'l Russell is angry that they voted Candice out and not Rupert or Colby, and decides that the women are too close to each other and not obeying his every word. He wins the immunity challenge and then sets about destroying Parvati and Danielle's alliance by telling each of them that the other one wants to vote her out. Two seconds later, Danielle and Parvati ask each other about that and realize what Li'l Russell is trying to do. All of the female Villains agree to vote for Rupert no matter what Li'l Russell says to them, but at Tribal, Danielle loses her shit and cries about how mean Li'l Russell is being and how he's trying to turn her and Parvati against each other. He denies everything, of course, and then she says that he's underestimating her friendship and alliance with Parvati. Li'l Russell then passes the word around the contestants to vote for Danielle instead of Rupert, and four of them do. And so, much to their surprise, Colby and Rupert are still in the game. And now Parvati is furious with Li'l Russell, so it looks like that alliance is over.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Does anyone think Robin Tunney sounds totally stoned in that "welcome to CBS" message she does right before the show starts? I hope they get rid of that or re-shoot it season. Anyway, Probst makes the entire previously on segment all about Li'l Russell and very little else, which is pretty accurate, really, since both this and last season have been all about Li'l Russell and very little else. Maybe for the two seasons, they can just show us footage of everything else that happened when Li'l Russell wasn't on camera so we'll get a better idea of what actually happened out there.
Night 30 at Yin Yang. The contestants return and Candice is not getting the gratitude she probably expected from the Villains. Jerri says Candice's willingness to flip sides only makes her more of a threat, since she'd be just as willing to flip back to the Heroes. Jerri clearly hasn't spent enough time with the Heroes to know how desperate one would have to be to team up with them. Meanwhile, Rupert and Colby are furious with Candice, and say she's "weak," "pathetic," "self-centered," "manipulative," "pitiful," and "greedy." I can see why they're upset with her, but none of the names they just called her are true. Or not any more true about her than anyone else. If either of them had the chance to sell Candice out to advance his own position in the game, he'd do it in a heartbeat and call it heroic. And Candice knew that when she made her choice. I don't know why she thought she had better odds with Li'l Russell, though. Rupert says he and Colby are the only Heroes left. I believe he is confusing "Heroes" with "Zeroes."
The day, Li'l Russell has now lost enough weight that his shorts are riding dangerously low. Yuck. Li'l Russell tells Sandra (who clearly doesn't give a shit about any of this) that Rupert and Colby refuse to speak to him because they apparently don't realize they're playing Survivor and people get voted out. Indeed, Rupert interviews that Li'l Russell is a liar and "could be worse than Johnny Fairplay." Hmmm ... what's worse: lying about your grandma being dead or lying about surviving Hurricane Katrina? Honestly, I'd say the Katrina lie is worse because the dead grandma lie was so damn funny and made me want to watch more to find out what would happen . The Katrina lie just made me feel like I wanted to watch anything else. [Also, the Fairplay lie was surprisingly well executed, with advanced planning and everything. You've got to give him some credit for that. -- Angel] Rupert says he can't keep his rage inside any longer and therefore must publicly confront Li'l Russell about his horribleness and hope the Villains see what kind of person they've aligned with. Like they'll really care, Rupert. It's a chance to win ONE MILLION DOLLARS. There are very few people most of us wouldn't align with for that. Hell, Natalie loves Jesus and stuff and she was still willing to align with Li'l Russell. And so, in front of the fire, this conversation happens:
Rupert: I'll tell you what, man, you've already proven yourself to be a disgusting, terrible human being to swear on your kids' life.
Li'l Russell: Well, you know what, Rupe? It is the game and you really fucked it up yourself.
Rupert: If you want to swear on your kids' life and call it the game, that's fine. I've played the game twice; people see I'm not that liar.
Li'l Russell: You think I care about how the fuck you are as a man? I don't give a shit about you or your family.
Rupert: I know, I don't think you give a damn about anybody but yourself. And your team should know that.
Li'l Russell: Rupert, I'm a Villain. Mumble mumble make your life hell. The great powerful Rupert, the good guy. The second coming of Christ, Rupert!
Rupert: You can say whatever you want. Because it doesn't really matter anymore.
Li'l Russell: You're such a dumbass, Rupert.
Oddly enough, I think they both had good points there. Li'l Russell interviews that he knows that Rupert is trying to get a rise out of him, so he'll be voting him out as soon as possible. So, uh, good plan there, Rupert.
Immunity challenge time! Probst "surprises" the contestants by telling them today's challenge is for immunity, not reward. It's not really a surprise, though, since Jerri went there with her immunity necklace, so someone must have told her to bring it, which they only do for immunity challenges. Probst takes the necklace back and explains the challenge. We've seen it a few times on this show before, most recently on Season 16, which was very entertaining. To make things a little more difficult this time around, the contestants have to stand barefoot on a small perch. I'll bet that's because Parvati lasted over six hours when she did this and Probst doesn't want to stand around and wait for that long. Also, Probst says, there will be "a twist" when the challenge is complete. So that's not really a "twist" so much as "something that will happen ." Whatever.
The contestants tether their arms to buckets of paint and we begin with a shot of Danielle's raised right arm and her exposed armpit hair. You'd think they could let the women wear long-sleeve shirts for this challenge just to spare both them and the viewers at home. Just one minute into the challenge, Probst walks out with a covered dish. Sandra immediately says she wants whatever's under there, as does Li'l Russell. Oh, I hope it's boiled bats just for that. Pathetic, you two. They step down, get covered in paint, and walk to the bench to claim their prize of cookies and a glass of milk.
20 minutes in, Probst has another tempting item: four donuts and a glass of iced coffee. Probst says if no one wants it, he'll give it to Sandra and Li'l Russell, who are very happy about this news. Colby decides to take it, because he is just horrible at challenges. Like, worse than Courtney. She would have stayed in that as long as she possibly could. He just doesn't give a shit, and hasn't for a while now. He enjoys his donuts, and at 35 minutes into the challenge, Candice whispers to Danielle, asking if they can count on Parvati to win this challenge for them to prevent Rupert from getting immunity. Probst then returns with another food item: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, candy, and two glasses of milk. Danielle, Jerri, and Candice immediately take themselves out of the game for it, leaving Parvati as their last hope to beat Rupert. Danielle's paint-dousing is particularly hilarious as the force of the falling paint pulls her bikini shorts down. "Your pants just came off!" Jerri tells her. "I hate you bitches," Parvati says.
One hour and ten minutes in, Sandra notices that Rupert is looking unstable on his perch. Sure enough, he wobbles, then lets out an "oh, shit!" as he falls off his perch and loses what was probably his only chance not to be voted out tonight. Parvati wins the challenge once again! She says she loves this challenge as Probst puts the necklace around her neck. But before Probst sends everyone away, he has to reveal his twist. He pulls a little scroll out of his pocket, and I think we all know what that means ... a clue to yet another hidden immunity idol! Our 476,293rd this season! He reads it out loud to everyone. It says the idol is hidden under a stone near a "burning bush" where two paths meet.
As soon as the contestants return to camp, they are off and running looking for the idol. Well, except for Colby, who is probably taking a nap, and Jerri, who has no idea what's going on anymore. I really think she's so hungry at this point that her body has started to digest her brain for food. Parvati and Danielle run along the beach for some reason, even though the clue clearly said the idol was hidden in the woods. Sandra, meanwhile, can't figure out what the clue means by "burning bush." She thinks she's looking for a bush that's on fire. "There's no bush on fire," Candice says, somehow resisting the urge to add "YOU MORON." I mean, I love Sandra and all, but that was dumb. Danielle asks Parvati what a "burning bush" could be, as she knows that if anyone is familiar with burning bushes, it's Parvati. "Just go to the doctor or a walk-in clinic and they'll give you antibiotics that'll clear things right up," Parvati shrugs. While Candice and Li'l Russell search in the vicinity of one red bush, Sandra decides to check around a second red bush sitting right to where two paths cross. Almost immediately, she finds the idol. She grabs it and calmly walks away. You guys have no idea how happy I am that Sandra has that idol and not Li'l Russell again. She walks off and pulls the idol out of her pocket to admire, but with Li'l Russell still close by, decides not to show it to the camera and talk about how awesome she is to have found it, like some idol-finding trolls often do. She sticks it in her pocket, but it creates too big of a bulge, so she hides it in some bushes (not red or burning ones) while saying she's going to keep this idol for herself because she's greedy like that. And proud of it.
Meanwhile, Rupert realizes that he's not going to find the idol, but has an idea of a way to pretend that he did: he grabs a large rock and puts it in his pocket, thus creating an idol-shaped bulge. Now, how the hell did he think of that on his own? And know that no one else on the Villains already have found the idol so his deception wouldn't have worked? Did Sandra help him out here or did he actually demonstrate some intelligent thinking? He returns to camp, and Li'l Russell says something to him about the idol search. "Yeah," Rupert mutters with a sly knowing glance at the camera. Nice, Rupert. Li'l Russell totally falls for it, staring at Rupert's pocket before interviewing that he's an expert on hidden idols so he knows one when he sees it hidden in someone's pocket. And Rupert, he's absolutely sure, has an idol. No problem, Li'l Russell says; his alliance of six will simply split the votes between Rupert and Colby tonight. Much to Sandra's well-concealed delight, Li'l Russell tells her that he knows Rupert has the idol. "I see it in his pocket ... I know exactly how they look in a pocket," he says, and now his shorts are riding so low that Sandra must be able to see genitalia. We can't, because it's blurred, but that doesn't mean it isn't leaving me with permanent emotional scars. Sandra is so pleased with this development that she doesn't swear about it in her interview, simply saying that she has "the freakin' immunity idol."
Jerri, Parvati, and Danielle discuss tonight's vote. Parvati says they'll split their votes three for Rupert and three for Colby. "Why?" Jerri asks, so out of it. Parvati patiently explains things to her, and then Jerri says she'd rather vote Candice out than Colby. "She will never see it coming," Jerri says. Well, no, she won't, because that wouldn't be a very smart move, to vote out an ally over an enemy with friends on the jury this close to the end. Even though that enemy is useless and boring and won't be making any moves anytime soon. Danielle interviews that it's a tough decision between Colby and Candice; she thinks Candice will stay loyal to them, but Colby isn't any kind of threat, mentally or physically. That's right: Candice is now considered to be more of an immunity threat than Colby.
Colby meets with Rupert and says three votes tonight are going to Rupert and three are going to either Colby or Candice. How does he know Candice is even being considered? Did Jerri tell him? Are they in secret cahoots? Their only hope is that three Villains vote for Candice along with Rupert and Colby, and those five votes send her home. They relish the thought of voting traitor Candice out.
The tribe arrives at Tribal Council. In walk our jurors, Courtney, J.T., Amanda, and Coach. That's right -- I called him Coach! No more Douche for him after I saw the Ponderosa videos on CBS.com this week and witnessed the music video for his band, the DRAGONZ (featuring Courtney and Coach on vocals and J.T. on guitar). If you haven't seen it yet, you need to watch it right now. It's basically the most awesome thing Survivor has ever done. EVER. Probst asks Rupert what the "fall out" was after Amanda was voted out. Rupert sighs that they realized there were "only two Heroes left" in the game. And that would be him and Colby. Not Candice. Rupert makes sure to spell that out as Candice rolls her eyes. Candice says it was "obvious" that Amanda was going home regardless of how she voted. "The numbers were already there," she claims. Rupert and Colby know that's not true and that, with Sandra, they would have had the numbers, but to their credit, they don't sell Sandra out by saying so. Or maybe they just forgot. Colby says he doesn't "respect" Candice's "excuses." Candice says it wasn't going to get her any further in the game to "go down on a sinking ship." Colby says she just should have said that she thought this was her best play to win one million dollars. Um, I think she did just say that, didn't she? And even if she had said that at the time, Rupert and Colby wouldn't be any less furious with her now.
Probst asks Li'l Russell if Candice's move, by which she probably put herself on top of Rupert and Colby on the totem pole, was a good one. Li'l Russell says it was the best move Candice could have made. Probst asks if that means it'll be Rupert or Colby going home tonight. Li'l Russell says he has no intention of getting rid of a Villain, so it'll be Rupert tonight. Probst asks Rupert what happened at camp when they returned following the immunity challenge. Rupert says he "calmly went for a walk in the jungle and stayed until [he] felt comfortable." Aw, look at Rupert trying to hard not to lie now that he's called everyone else out for lying in this game! His reputation and maintaining public adoration really is more important to him than a million dollars. Weirdo. You can buy plenty of public adoration with a million dollars. Probst asks Li'l Russell if he thinks Rupert or Colby has the idol. "If they don't, then they gave up. And I don't think Colby or Rupert would give up," Li'l Russell says. INCORRECT; Colby would and already has given up. Like, multiple times every episode.
And then, they vote. While Colby walks off to vote, Rupert gives an oblivious Candice the evil eye like a freaking five year old. Colby keeps his vote face down as he says to the camera: "I can honestly say I'm proud of the way I played this game. [LIFTS UP HIS VOTE TO SHOW CANDICE'S NAME] Can you?" Wow, I laughed at that for a good five minutes. What a cheeseball. "Can you?" Also, I think that Candice should be much prouder of how she played this game than Colby. At least she did stuff. He was freaking pathetic. Candice votes for Rupert, but it's all anti-climatic after Colby's "can you?" drama line.
Probst returns with the urn and asks if anyone would like to play his idol. Rupert makes a move for his pocket. Sandra makes a series of sassy faces. Rupert stays seated, of course, since we know he doesn't have the idol. Probst reads the votes: three for Rupert. Two for Candice, from Colby and Rupert. And then ... a third for Candice, who makes the "oh SHIT" face. A fourth for Candice, and she gulps nervously. The final vote is for Candance, who was apparently asked back on the show after her turn in Season 18, in which she was just as invisible as she's been this season. Anyway, with the majority of the votes, Candice is the jury member, much to Colby and Rupert's delight. Amanda's too, but only because I don't think she realizes yet that this means she'll have to hang out with Candice at Ponderosa now. To her credit, Candice smiles and waves at her tribe, wishing them luck. Unlike SOME people (Colby, Rupert), she seems to realize that this is, in the end, just a game. In her good-bye confessional, she says she made a risky move that didn't pay off and "karma's a bitch sometimes." Unlike some of her Hero tribemates, who were bitches all the time.
Yin Yang return to camp. The women complain about how dark it is while Li'l Russell fumes over the results of Tribal Council. He wanted Rupert or Colby to go home, but because of "the girls," it was Candice. He says his alliance blew it and partially blames himself for not ordering the women how to vote. He tells Jerri this, and she just says that if he felt so strongly that Candice shouldn't be voted out, he should have said something. Danielle doesn't see the problem, saying they can just vote Rupert out time. Way to assume there will be a time, Danielle. For all you know, Rupert has an immunity idol and may well win the immunity challenge. "You're thinking negatively. We're five, they're two. They suck in challenges," Danielle says, apparently forgetting all about how, back on the Villains tribe, she, Li'l Russell, and Parvati were in a minority alliance that ended up outlasting the majority. Li'l Russell interviews that he is no longer "fully" in control of the game; he's sharing that control with Parvati. I don't think Li'l Russell has ever been "fully in control" of the game. No one has. That's why it's so entertaining to watch. Except for the last two seasons when the producers decided that we'd much rather watch Li'l Russell scamper around being an asshole to everyone. He says he's going to take his control back.
Immunity challenge #2! This time, it's a variation on a reward challenge back in Season 12, except this time the "puzzle" element of the challenge comes at the end and it's one of those giant sliding puzzles. Also, it will be run in stages: they'll all do the table maze, with the first five to finish moving on to the wall. The first three to finish that move onto the sliding puzzle, and the winner of that gets immunity.
Probst says go, and the contestants run to their individual burial plots to dig up their pegs for the table maze. Rupert gets his first, followed by Parvati, then Sandra, Danielle, and Li'l Russell. Even Jerri gets her peg before Colby. He is the worst! And yet, honestly proud of how he played this game. Rupert is the first to finish his maze, breaking his tile with the peg decisively. Sandra is the second, and after she breaks her tile, she says, "I can't believe it." Oh, Sandra. You're so great. Li'l Russell and Parvati are third and fourth, making it a race for last place between Colby, Danielle, and Jerri, who is nowhere near the end of the maze. I don't think she even knows how to find her way out of the shelter anymore, let alone this maze. Danielle gets the fifth spot. Colby is out of the competition already. But proud. Don't forget that.
Probst calls go on the second stage. Li'l Russell grabs his climbing pegs and runs as far up the wall as he can without them. Probst is in awe of his talents, claiming he got "halfway up the wall" when we can see in a wide shot that he really went all of three feet up there and, in fact, Parvati is in the lead at that moment. She soon loses it to Li'l Russell, though, as he manages to get all the way to the top using just two of his pegs. Parvati and Rupert are in the second and third position, with Danielle not too far behind and Sandra not even close. Rupert and Parvati get to the top at about the same time and move on to the finals. "Now, how do I get down?" Sandra asks. I think the editors love her as much as I do. The final three get started on their sliding puzzles. Li'l Russell seems to be in the lead the entire time, but that might not mean anything since with sliding puzzles, you can get every piece in the right spot except for one, which will always be, like, in the opposite corner from where it should be. And then you pretty much have to start over again. Not this time, though. Li'l Russell completes the puzzle and calls Probst over to confirm. "RUSSELL WINS IMMUNITY!!!!" Probst says, so happy. During the slo-mo walk of shame, Rupert sighs that he came up short again and then he says something about believing in himself or whatever.
It's pouring rain as the contestants return to camp. Parvati interviews that she wants Rupert to go home tonight because he isn't in her alliance and she's pretty sure at this point that he doesn't have the idol. She says the Villains run this camp and soon, all the Heroes will be gone. She talks to Danielle and Li'l Russell on the beach, saying it's important that their alliance of five remains strong against the Heroes, because if Rupert or Colby make it to the end, they're sure to win. She says Rupert should go first, and then Colby, who no one thinks can win an immunity challenge. Li'l Russell interviews that Parvati and Danielle are acting like they're a team when "it's supposed to be me and Parvati." He says he'll have to break them up so he can have Parvati all for himself.
He talks to Danielle alone on the beach. Even though it was just pouring outside, the sand around them looks totally dry. He says he doesn't think either of them can beat Parvati at the end, so he won't take her to the finals. He thinks she'll try to take out him or Danielle soon, and they should blindside her before that happens. "Mmm hmm. Yeah," Danielle says non-committally. She interviews that she doesn't want to get rid of Parvati, since she's been her ally since the beginning, but if she does, it wouldn't be tonight.
Li'l Russell then scampers over to Parvati and tells her that Danielle just came to him to say she wants Parvati out at the Final Five or Six. The music gets all suspenseful as the camera pans to Parvati, who just goes: " ... why would she want to do that?" She's not even angry, just confused. Li'l Russell says he's loyal only to her, then interviews that he now has both Parvati and Danielle "under control," as they both think the other is plotting against them and wouldn't dare talk to each other about it, right? "I want to talk to her," Parvati then says. Ha ha ha! Li'l Russell panics and gets super-defensive, saying Parvati would be an idiot to talk to Danielle and she'll be the to go if she does. Parvati ignores him and keeps walking. Li'l Russell follows behind her, asking if she's really going to tell Danielle what he said when it could get him in trouble. Yeah, because Parvati cares about you, Li'l Russell. I know that's what you want to think, but Parvati doesn't care about ANYONE. That's why she's so good at this game. Li'l Russell then tries to use reverse psychology, saying Parvati should "do what you think you need to do." "Don't yell at me, Russell," Parvati says, totally over him. "I can't believe you're thinking like this," Li'l Russell says. Parvati finally loses her cool a bit: "thinking like what? Like I want to have a fucking conversation with someone? Don't tell me I can't have a conversation with someone." "You go talk to her then, you do that," Li'l Russell says, probably so it'll look like he commanded her to do this. Parvati just rolls her eyes and interviews that everything was going great and Rupert was on his way out when Li'l Russell ran up to her and said Danielle was trying to blindside her. She has no intention of voting Danielle out tonight, even though she now knows that's what he wants her to do. Hey, Li'l Russell? Guess who isn't Natalie? Oops.
Li'l Russell sulks near the shelter and interviews that if Parvati and Danielle compare notes "it could turn into a problem." Parvati goes up to Danielle and tells her that Li'l Russell told her Danielle told him (this is getting confusing) she wanted to blindside Parvati, so now Li'l Russell wants Parvati to vote Danielle out. Danielle says Li'l Russell came up to her and said he wanted to blindside Parvati. Both women agree that Li'l Russell is lying to them and they will not be turned against each other. Meanwhile, check out Sandra just standing in the background, watching and probably listening. Like she's inconspicuous in that BRIGHT RED outfit the producers made her wear. As Li'l Russell gives yet another interview about his latest master plan to vote out Danielle, we see Danielle, Parvati, and now Sandra talking. Li'l Russell says that with Danielle gone, Parvati will be "so scared" that she'll "stick to [him] like glue." HA! Parvati doesn't want to be anywhere near you, Li'l Russell. You smell bad and you are creepy. Li'l Russell tells Colby to vote for Danielle tonight. "Really? Really?" Colby says, nearly adding; "but shouldn't you be trying to vote out Rupert or me?" He tells Rupert the same thing: vote Danielle. "Yeah," Rupert says. Li'l Russell and Rupert fist-bump each other because they think they're as cool as Sandra and Courtney (THEY AREN'T) and Li'l Russell says it's "funny" how quickly things can change in this game. I guess Rupert is okay with Li'l Russell swearing on his kids and stuff when it works in Rupert's favor. Then it's heroic.
Back on the beach, Danielle is freaking out. But Parvati seems cool with whatever happens, interviewing that Li'l Russell is hurting his own game at this point and she and Danielle are out-playing him. There's only one potential problem, though: "Jerri," Parvati says. They have to make sure she doesn't write Danielle's name down tonight. I don't know if Danielle is outplaying Li'l Russell, but Parvati sure is. Even though things didn't go the way she wanted them to (SPOILER ALERT), she knew exactly what everyone was doing, who was lying, and why. She and Danielle go down to a pond where Jerri is apparently trying to drown herself. Seriously, what is she even doing down there? Self-baptism? Eating pond scum? Does she even know where she is anymore? Girlfriend has been out to lunch since, like, that chocolate reward. I think she got brain damage from when Rupert slammed her face into that pole. Parvati tells Jerri not to change her vote tonight no matter what Li'l Russell says to her, because he's trying to get Danielle voted out. "It's Rupert," Jerri says. Danielle pathetically begs her not to change her vote. Jerri says she won't. "I'm voting for Rupert. Rupert needs to go," she insists.
Sure enough, Li'l Russell talks to Jerri about voting Danielle out. She says it's too early for that and they should get rid of Rupert first. "Bad move, you're gonna be ," Li'l Russell says. How can anyone think he's one of the best players this game has ever seen after this episode? Just because you CAN make moves (or try to) doesn't always mean you should. Threatening people like that is just stupid. Even if it's Jerri, who just wanders around like a zombie with no idea what's going on or who anyone is. Even Jerri laughs at Li'l Russell's threats and says, "don't threaten me." Yeah, these women are really scared of Li'l Russell now. He says he isn't threatening her -- if she doesn't get rid of Danielle, they'll take her out . He's trying to "save" her." "Help me help you," he says. "What are you talking about?" Jerri asks. Ah, looks like her two-minute window of concentration just ended.
The sun sets and Tribal Council begins. In walk the jury, with Coach wearing his DRAGONZ sleeveless T-shirt. Courtney gives the contestants a sassy point. Probst asks Rupert who is "running the show" at camp. Rupert says it's between Parvati and Li'l Russell. Danielle disagrees, saying she thinks the Villains makes decisions together. Jerri looks at her like "huh?" But that might be because she doesn't know who this Danielle person is or why she's sitting in front of a large campfire right now being patronized by a douchebag with dyed hair. Probst asks Jerri if things are peaceful around camp, what with Danielle saying all the Villains agree and are sticking together. "Hell no," Jerri says. Probst then turns back to Danielle and asks her why she's pretending that they're all one big happy family. Maybe because up until like 15 minutes ago, as far as she knew, they were? Danielle chalks today's disagreements up to a "miscommunication." Yes, a miscommunication. Kind of like that Vietnam Miscommunication back in the '60s. "It was mad chaos," she says. "Crazy could not describe what happened today," Parvati agrees. "Unnecessarily out of control," Danielle adds. It really wasn't that crazy, you guys. Come on now.
Probst asks Parvati for the details. She says that Li'l Russell lied to her and Danielle to test their loyalty to each other. Probst asks Li'l Russell if this is true. Of course, he says it isn't, and that Danielle walked up to him today and said "when do you want to get rid of Parvati?" "Liar! Liar! Liar!" Danielle interrupts. "Lemme finish," Li'l Russell says. Jerri appears to have no idea what's happening anymore and has gone back to zombie status. Li'l Russell says his loyalty lies with Parvati, and if someone tries to get rid of her, he'll try to get rid of that person first. Danielle says Li'l Russell just said to her that he didn't want to go against Parvati at the end. Is she surprised that he's lying like this? Hasn't she played this game before? Doesn't she know that she's on the VILLAINS tribe? Meanwhile, Colby is giggling. Parvati sits in between Danielle and Li'l Russell basically expressionless until Danielle says "the three of us are in an alliance" and her eyes widen slightly. That's as panicked as Parvati gets. Jerri, meanwhile, woke up from her fugue state in time to hear that her alliance has a sub-alliance that she isn't in. Danielle says she hasn't done anything to make Li'l Russell think she isn't loyal to him, so she doesn't understand why he's "testing" her loyalty now. Um, how about because it's a game for a million dollars and there are only seven people left? Oh, and then she starts crying. To her credit, she is ashamed of herself for crying like this. I can't blame her too much; I'd probably cry too at this point after being out there for 33 days with nothing to eat. But I also wouldn't ally with sociopaths like Parvati and Li'l Russell, who never cry (except when he got second place on the live finale last season, HA!) and have no concept of human emotions.
Li'l Russell rolls his eyes. Probst asks Danielle why she's crying. She says she's "exhausted" and "a freaking wreck." Someone in the jury box says "boo-hoo" according to the captions, but I didn't actually see anyone's lips say that. J.T. said something, but it looked like a full sentence and not just a "boo-hoo." Anyway, Amanda is grinning like an idiot about all of this. Danielle recovers slightly and says she's having a "rough day" and doesn't know why Li'l Russell is trying to mess with the alliance they've had since the game began. Probst asks if her feelings are hurt or something. She says they are. Way to have feelings, Danielle. Li'l Russell says he doesn't understand why Danielle is putting the blame squarely on him when she was complicit in this. In the jury, Courtney makes the universal sign for "WTF?" followed by "is anyone else hearing this madness? Just me?" Danielle interrupts Li'l Russell again. "Can I finish?" he Ross Perots. Seriously, what is it about little Texan businessmen and their insistence on finishing their sentences? "No!" Danielle says. And people start looking uncomfortable. Danielle says Li'l Russell could never turn her against Parvati. "It would have happened if I'd've wanted it to happen," he says. Well, that's a stupid thing to say, but before Li'l Russell's allies can react to that, Danielle says something even stupider: "I'm closer to Parvati than you think." "Oh really?" Li'l Russell says. Parvati rolls her eyes in a shot taken from another time. "Yeah, really," Danielle says. "Okay," Li'l Russell says. Parvati chews on her bottom lip. While Danielle says everyone is fine and this conversation can end, Li'l Russell looks over at Jerri and mouths "Danielle." Is this the first time we've seen someone change his vote in the middle of Tribal Council? And tell someone else to do it, too? And does Li'l Russell really think Jerri aware enough of her surroundings to make a choice like this? Of course, Probst repeats Danielle's statement about being so close to Parvati just to make sure the contestants hear it and vote accordingly, i.e. however Li'l Russell wants them to. Danielle keeps digging her own grave, saying she doesn't like her friendship with and loyalty to Parvati questioned. Parvati appears to be sitting there thinking "oh my god, you idiot. Shut up. SHUT UP. YOU ARE DESTROYING MY GAME."
And we vote. Parvati votes for Rupert, saying "second time's a charm, right?" But she seems to know something is up. Li'l Russell votes for Danielle, saying if she's closer to Parvati than he thinks, then she definitely needs to go. We don't see who Jerri votes for, but she says this: "I have absolutely no idea what just happened." Probst returns with the urn and asks if anyone wants to play the idol. No one does, because while Rupert and Colby fight with Li'l Russell and Danielle and Parvati fight with Li'l Russell and Jerri zones out in a pond somewhere, Sandra has been completely ignored. Excellent. Rupert gets three votes. And then, two votes for Danielle. She's probably hoping those are from Rupert and Colby. But then there's a third vote for Danielle. She is pretty shocked. Rupert is hopeful. So, how did Jerri vote? For Rupert, Danielle, or perhaps one of those chocolate cake or chicken tenders? It's Danielle. Wow. Now all Rupert and Colby have to do is win of the two immunity challenges and they could be guaranteed one million dollars. Stupid move by Li'l Russell. As for Jerri, I'm not so sure. I think she saw an opportunity to get in with Li'l Russell and felt no loyalty to Danielle after hearing her go on and on about how she was in a tight alliance Parvati and Li'l Russell and loyal to them. Parvati isn't scared or sticking to Li'l Russell like glue like he thought she would. Instead, she turns to him and whispers, "that's messed up." "Well... " Li'l Russell shrugs. Rupert looks over at the jury, all "how the hell am I still here?" Probst snuffs Danielle's torch. She whispers a "bye" to everyone (let's face it, though, she was really only saying good-bye to Parvati) and leaves.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.
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