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Douche returns from Tribal Council where Sandra made a mild comment that he took way too personally in tears, sobbing in Tyson's arms and threatening to quit the game. Tyson's advice to stop telling stories no one believes and do his warrior poses where no one can see him go unheeded, and by the day Douche is feeling much better and ready to help the Villains beat the Heroes in a Slip and Slide/Basketball reward challenge that is really just an excuse to oil up the hot contestants' bodies and do some product placement, as the reward is a choice from a catalog of items provided by Mervyns.
The Villains choose another tarp and a box of tools, only to find a scroll inside with a clue to the hidden immunity idol. They decide to leave that one alone, declaring that whoever gets the idol will be the to go home. Of course, Li'l Russell obviously goes looking for it, and the others decide he'll be the to go. Meanwhile, the Heroes also find their clue, and all go off in search of it. Tom ends up finding it, but Amanda sees him and tells everyone else, so the element of surprise is no longer with him and Colby. They'll need it, too, as the Heroes lose yet another immunity challenge.
The majority alliance agree to split their votes between Tom and Colby so one of them is bound to go home even if Tom plays the idol, but then Tom is able to convince Amanda, J.T., and James to trust him and Colby and turn on Candice instead. It almost works until Cirie gets wind of the plan and tells her moron allies that keeping Tom and Colby in this game over Candice is really dumb. But J.T. thinks leaving Cirie in the game is even dumber, and decides to vote against her with Tom and Colby, leaving Tom with three votes and Colby with just two. When Tom plays his idol, the three votes him don't count and Cirie is voted out, leaving four Heroes who thought they were in the unstoppable dominant alliance very surprised and without the benefit of the only person in their group with half a brain.See the reality stars we'd like to hire for a personal appearance.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!After Probst's typical lie-a-thon "previously on" segment, in which I am reminded that Randy totally threw his buff into the fire after being voted out with equal parts awesomeness and bitterness, we go to the Villains Camp on Night 8 as they return from Tribal Council. Douche's ornamental feathers are ruffled because Sandra supposedly called him out at Tribal Council, and he interviews that he's "far more sensitive" than most of us mere mortals, because Douche just has to be the biggest and best at everything, even feelings. He understands that it can be hard to realize the depths of his sensitivity because there's so much more to him, like his many (and almost entirely fictional) accomplishments and his "machismo." He then runs over to Tyson to talk about how awesome he is. "There's never been somebody like me out here and there's never gonna be anybody like me again," he claims. I don't know about that, though. I think we'll see somebody like Douche again in just a few seasons when they bring him back, along with James, Amanda, Li'l Russell, and the rest of Probst's favorites, for yet another "all-star" season. "I did noble things out here, and I look ignoble!" he says. Just because one person implied that he does more delegating than actual work? I guess he'll take any opportunity to tell the camera how great he is. He continues, saying he's "the fucking man, and [he doesn't] need anybody to tell [him] that," although clearly he does, since he's taking Sandra's comments so seriously. "I'm the only person out here that will not fucking compromise!" he says, then breaks down in tears. Oh, god. Wasn't he just talking about all of his machismo? I think he meant to say "crippling insecurity."
Tyson, who is the least sensitive person in the world and has no idea what to do with this, finally gets a chance to speak. Surprisingly, he's kind and sympathetic to Douche, saying, "I understand where you're coming from, dude." As sad music plays, Douche wonders why no one ever says anything good about him. I'm thinking that this isn't about Sandra's comments after all. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Douche realizes that he looked ridiculous last season and came out here to try to change the public's perception of him and show them the real Douche, who is honorable and good at everything. I'm not sure if it occurs to him (on a conscious level, anyway) that the Douche we all saw two seasons ago is the real Douche. "Am I that bad of a person, man?" he asks. Tyson hugs him as he whines "this might be all for nothing because of that one sentence Sandra said tonight, and it's not even true," because he knows how the editors on this show work well enough to know that they can build an entire storyline and character out of one throwaway comment. Tyson offers to help Douche through this, and Douche thanks him for coming on the show again, because Douche thinks that's the only reason why Tyson is here: to help Douche. Not for a million dollars or to satisfy his own famewhore tendencies. Tyson even offers to "coach" Douche through this, although he warns that that might mean telling him things he doesn't want to hear. "Like what?" Douche whimpers, unable to imagine that there's anything he does that would be held up as cause for criticism. "Don't wear feathers in your hair at Tribal. Don't tell your stories. People don't believe your stories, they mock you. There's no reason to tell 'em. Do your Tai Chi in private where nobody can see you." Wow, this is all very good advice. And yet, based on the previews for week's episode where we see Douche leading his entire tribe in a Tai Chi lesson, it obviously went unheeded. Douche says he can't be someone he's not, even if that person is less ridiculous. He threatens to leave the show entirely. Because quitting is definitely the right move if you want to redeem yourself. The viewing public really admires a quitter. Tyson interviews that he doesn't want Douche to go home because the Villains need his physical strength, which Tyson much admit that Douche actually possesses this time around. "I'm done," Douche sobs.
And yet, he's still there the day. He announces that he's taking a walk, and feels compelled to tell everyone that he's making this announcement so that Sandra won't accuse him of disappearing again. Way to start the day off right by being a whiny baby, Douche. Tyson recaps the events of last night, describing it as Douche threatening to leave the game because it "didn't deserve his nobility." Hee hee hee. As Douche walks into the woods, looking as sad as possible so that everyone will know that he's been wronged, Tyson tells the group all about Douche's sobfest last night. Rob interviews that Douche cried and wants to quit. "That's not much of a coach if you ask me," he shrugs. Ahahahaha! But then Rob feels compelled to talk to Douche about it, looking fairly uncomfortable at the prospect of having to talk about his feelings with another guy. Douche says he feels like an outsider in his tribe. Rob assures him that he isn't, then gives him a manly fist pump, handshake, and hug to seal the deal. Douche says he wants to "do stuff" and "bond" with Rob, because he seems to think he's at summer camp and not, you know, competing against everyone for one million dollars. Rob tells him to trust him, "pick [his] fucking head up, and act like a man. For real." Then he runs away before Douche can try to hug him again or cry on his shoulder or something.
Feeling better now, Douche informs us that he's "different than most people" and "one of a kind." I agree with this, if not the examples he then cites: "last of the Mohicans. King Arthur. Legend." I was thinking more along the lines of "Bozo the Clown. The Court Jester. Douche." With that, he quotes Confucius (correctly, too, just like he correctly -- if inappropriately -- quoted Martin Luther King, Jr. Did he bring Bartlett's as his luxury item or something? Because I have a photographic memory and I can't even recite quotations word-for-word like that. Just parts of Shakespeare and the last two lines of "Richard Corey.") and does his Warrior Poses while telling us that though he was weak last night, that weakness is actually a strength, as we will see in the coming challenge, in which he promises "even fiercer warriorage." Perhaps he should have spent more time reading a dictionary and less memorizing quotations. Meanwhile, the editors have fun putting special effects on him as he moves so it looks his arms are leaving trails. Or maybe I'm just tripping.
I was hoping this was leading us to a Reward Challenge, but instead we check in on the stupid boring Heroes, who read today's Treemail. "Read it. Read it," Rupert orders Amanda, since he can't read it himself because he's illiterate and also, the broken toe. The tribe gets a catalog from Mervyns that they get to pick two items from to win at the reward challenge. The catalog contains such useful survival tools as a couch and an inflatable bed. They go for a cooking set and a fishing kit, thus ignoring the additional product placement STANLEY tools. Amanda claims that her tribe is now united and working together beautifully after their last win, even though it looked to me like James basically stood there and pointed to the items they were going for without consulting anyone else. Amanda says she doesn't want the Villains to win the reward, although it's not because she wants stuff from Mervyns, but because she doesn't want her tribe to lose momentum. Ha! Screw you, Mervyns!
Both tribes arrive. The Heroes don't seem too shocked to see that Randy was voted out last night. Probst explains the challenge, which is apparently not recycled from any seasons. Um, excuse me? If you're going to recycle challenges from past seasons in the name of this being the 20th season of the show and thus a sort of retrospective, then either all of the challenges should be recycled or none of them should be. Maybe I'm just mad because I really, really want one of the shitty challenges from the first season to make a triumphant return. Like the one where they all had to listen to Probst tell a stupid story and then run around the jungle with a videocamera. Anyway, for this challenge, each contestant competes against someone from the opposing tribe, sliding down a Slip 'N Slide and into a bunch of numbered balls hanging over the course. Each number has one red ball and one blue ball (hee hee), and Probst will "randomly assign" the numbers to the pairs before each round. They must slide to their balls, grab the one with their tribe's color, and then make their way towards a Survivor version of those carnival basketball games. First person to make it in gets the point, and the first tribe to get four points wins. We know what the Heroes picked for their rewards, but what did the Villains go for? Probst says they "went a different route," than the Heroes, which got my hopes up that they chose the most frivolous and stupid items in the catalog. But no, they went for the Stanley tools and yet another tarp, which comes with twine and what is described as a "multifunction tool" because Leatherman didn't pay the big bucks for product placement. I hope the Villains win this one, if only because the tools they'll win will replace the machete that Li'l Russell buried in the hopes of causing chaos, and his efforts will once again end in failure. With that, the Villains sit Parvati out, the contestants oil themselves up so they'll look hot when the editors use clips from this challenge in the opening credits and also supposedly to make it easier for them to slide on the course, and we begin.
Round 1: Douche vs. Tom. They slide, with Douche trying to shove Tom out of the way at the same time. Even so, Tom gets his ball first, though it does him no good as he misses the first shot at the hoop. He also misses his second attempt, while Douche makes it, albeit with a potty shot, which is how little girls shoot baskets. But still -- Douche beat Tom! Tom is pissed, throwing his ball on the ground and going home.
Round 2: Cirie vs. Li'l Russell. Um, yeah. That looks like a fair fight. Especially since Cirie has apparently never actually used a Slip 'N Slide and ends up just, like, sitting on it and expecting it to carry her down to her ball. It doesn't. Li'l Russell gets his ball quickly and does a Douche-style potty shot at the basket, but misses. As Cirie finally approaches with her ball, Li'l Russell takes his second shot and makes it.
Round 3: Battle of the Blondes! Courtney vs. Candice. And, oh dear. This is the first time I've seen Courtney in just a bikini and it is kind of scary. She might be the only person in the history of this show to actually gain weight. Well, her and J.T., who didn't gain weight so much as he did not lose any. Candice gets to her ball first, and detaches it from the rope so forcefully that it goes flying upwards, taking Courtney's ball with it and making it harder for her to get her ball. Very clever, Candice. The extra time she gives herself comes in very handy, as she's able to make it to the basket and get it in on her first shot, giving the Heroes their first point.
Round 4: Jerri vs. Amanda. Hmm ... I think Amanda has this one in the bag, although the fact that she has her mouth hanging open while she runs towards the Slip 'N Slide might cost her precious hundredths of a second due to wind resistance. Jerri, on the other hand, is very aerodynamic. Amanda gets to the ball first, ripping it free so hard that Jerri's ball comes loose too, making it easy for her to simply scoop it up. Amanda's first shot misses. Jerri's does not, and she is freaking thrilled, her victory dance a whirlwind of spins and air-punches.
Round 5: The Villains only need one more point to win, but it's Sandra vs. James, which is ridiculous. Really? They couldn't have done Sandra vs. Cirie and Li'l Russell vs. James? But then we couldn't see such decisive victories from Probst's man-crushes over weak women that Probst will then argue they should vote off ASAP at Tribal Council. Sandra awesomely flexes confidently when her name is announced, but knows she has no chance against James. And she doesn't. James slides down the mat, grabs the ball, and makes his way to the hoop, with Probst salivating over his oiled body all the way. James gets the basket in one shot.
Round 6: Danielle vs. Rupert. By the way, who is Danielle? She's this season's invisible player. Throw her a few interviews, please. Even though the "randomly assigned" number ball they're going for is closer to the Heroes' side than the Villains, Danielle gets to it first. Rupert limps behind her, and Probst reminds us that his toe is broken, just in case it was possible to forget. Danielle shoots just before Rupert, but both shots miss. Danielle gets a second shot, and it comes soooo close ... but ultimately bounces off the rim. Rupert's second shot makes it in, tying up the score at 3-3.
Round 7: Tyson vs. Colby. Which means J.T. and Rob will apparently not be participating in this challenge. Why have a challenge that can only have seven rounds maximum when there are eight players on each side? They're going for a ball that is once again closer to the Heroes' side, and Colby gets to it first, splashing at Tyson on his way down. Colby makes it to the hoop first and takes a shot, while Probst calls him by his last name in his play-by-play, because they are bros. Colby misses, leaving the door open for Tyson, who also misses. They both miss their second shots as well. It's a nail-biter! Colby's third shot misses, as James mutters "come on, Colby!" but doesn't scream at him because Colby is not an easily-bullied female. Tyson's third shot makes it in, and the Villains win. They take their Product Placements and go.
After the break, the Villains return to camp and Douche's spirits are much improved. He interviews that "the Dragonslayer is feeling top notch." "Will I change? No. Will I be the Dragonslayer and slay everybody? Yes. Will I wear my heart on my sleeve every day? Absolutely, unequivocally, yes." Does Douche refer to himself as "the Dragonslayer?" Yes. Is one allowed to continue to call himself that after crying like a baby on national television? No. Meanwhile, Rob and Li'l Russell look through their new toolbox, with the editors being sure to caption Rob's comment about how they "lost" their machete just so Li'l Russell's fans can think he did something important. Li'l Russell checks out a large knife, only for a small scroll to fall out of its holster for all to see, which I'm sure the producers weren't intending on happening when they no doubt told Li'l Russell to be sure to pay special attention to the knife. Rob picks the scroll up and unrolls it as Sandra wonders "what the hell is that?" You have to love how Sandra is so hostile about even the most seemingly harmless and passive of things, like a piece of paper. Throw her a surprise party? "What the fuck are you doing in my fucking house with a fucking cake?" Note that a wildflower smells nice? "I'm not smelling no fucking flower!" Hidden Immunity Idol clue appears at camp? "What the hell is that?" Because yes, that's exactly what it is. Li'l Russell must admit in an interview that he had a lapse in concentration to allow the rest of his tribe to see the clue, and now he won't have it all to himself. "I just blew it," he sighs. The clue tells them to look for a "crazy palm which juts out over the sea," then dig around the roots of a "double tree" to it. Does that mean an actual tree, or just the nearby Marriott that houses the crew? Either way, the clue basically tells you where to find the idol, since I guess if you aren't going to hide the idol in an obvious place for Li'l Russell to find, you might as well just spell it out for him. Rob interviews that he didn't know the scroll would have a clue to the immunity idol, since they didn't have those in his two seasons on the show. "Who knew?" he asks. Well, someone who actually watches this show, for one.
Rob asks the group what they should do . Sandra wants to find it and throw it in the ocean, since that worked so well in the Gabon season. Although I doubt Sandra watched that season or any season after her own, so she wouldn't know that. She proclaims that whoever possesses the idol is "marked" and will be voted out ASAP and thus forced to play it to flush it out of the game. "It's not fair for one person to have an immunity idol," she says. Right, Sandra. Because this game is all about fairness. With that, Rob decides to go work on the new shelter with Douche and have nothing to do with the idol. Li'l Russell interviews that his tribe is "too dumb" to look for the idol and they're "a bunch of idiots." Not really, but even if that was true, what's dumber -- making a group decision not to look for the idol or being the one person who tries to sneak off and go against that group decision in the most obvious way possible, thus earning the rest of his tribe's ire? Also, I like how Li'l Russell immediately assigned all the credit to Rob even though it was Sandra who said she didn't want any one person to have the idol. Even when she's cussing people out and threatening them, she still manages to stay under the radar. "If I can find that hidden immunity idol, I will become powerful in this game!" Li'l Russell says. But Li'l Russell, I thought you were the king of the entire island? So surely you already have power?
And so, while Rob and his cronies (a.k.a. the rest of the tribe with the possible exception of Jerri, who doesn't seem to be around, and Danielle, who is invisible) work on creating a tent (a.k.a. Shelter #14) using their twine and the tarp, Li'l Russell heads off to look for the idol. But how can he look for it without arousing the tribe's suspicions? Easy! He just yells to them "I'm going for a walk" and takes off. Towards the beach. Where everyone knows the hidden immunity idol is located. Rob immediately states the obvious: that Li'l Russell is probably looking for the idol. He calls to Sandra and orders her to stop collecting firewood and start following Li'l Russell. She obeys, making sure to drop another angry f-bomb on her way out: "let me look if he's down the beach, 'cause if he is, he's fucked." Sure enough, as Li'l Russell digs around some tree roots while wearing just his baggy red boxer briefs and baldness-concealing hat, Sandra spots him, despite his best attempts to hide in the bushes. It's hard to hide from people when you're being followed by a camera crew, Li'l Russell. "He's a stupid ass," Sandra declares. Ha! I love Sandra. She reports back to Rob, saying that Li'l Russell just "sealed his own fate." OH PLEASE GOD LET THIS BE TRUE PLEASE. Rob, Courtney and Douche state that they agree with this, but it still sounds too good to be true. "Russell's a bonehead," Rob interviews; "it was like the Hobbit on crack." AHAHAHAHAHA! If I'm not careful, Rob might take my recapping gig away from me. I never would have thought of "hobbit on crack." Rob says he doesn't trust Li'l Russell and wants to get rid of him "right away." Don't you dare get my hopes up, Rob!
Day 10 dawns at Camp Heroes. Tom and J.T. prepare their reward coffee, only to find a scroll hidden in the coffee jar. It's their clue to the immunity idol, of course, and J.T. reads it aloud for everyone. Like the Villains' clue, it tells them to dig around the roots of some trees by the beach. Tom interviews that he and Colby need to find the idol or else they're gone. With that, the hunt is on. As Cirie and Candice look on and provide some humorous running commentary, J.T. skulks around the beach while James pretends he's just taking a casual stroll. On the beach. Near some trees. While looking over his shoulder. Tom and Amanda run after him, while Cirie sticks by J.T., who mutters that he should have kept that scroll a secret from the rest of the tribe. Not like he really could have, since it was Tom who actually found it in the first place and announced its presence loud enough for everyone nearby to overhear. Tom is the first to find the three trees described in the clue, but he's quickly followed by Amanda and then James, who start digging to him. It doesn't matter, as Tom spots a patch of loose sand and is quickly able to unearth and hide the idol in his sock with James and Amanda seemingly none the wiser. It seems like quite the accomplishment until you remember that James and Amanda aren't very wise to begin with.
Ah, but then Amanda shows a hint of awareness when she interviews that Tom was acting "a little funny" and she saw him put something in his sock. She knows he has it, and runs to tell Candice, James, and J.T. that they can stop looking because Tom already found it. J.T. tells Cirie and Rupert. Just so that everyone will know, Tom tells Colby, adding that he knows Amanda saw him get it but he still hopes the fact that he has the idol can help him and Colby get an in with the majority alliance. Even though, at this point, I'm pretty sure the majority alliance is everyone but Colby and Tom, so they're probably not going to let them into their club because then they won't have anyone left to vote for. Colby interviews that the idol could be his and Tom's path back into the game.
And then, it's time for the immunity challenge! Hey, do you guys remember the challenge that killed the other, better Russell last season? Well, it's back! And why not? All of the challenge props were still in Samoa from last month and they never really got a chance to finish this challenge the first time around, so it's both unknown territory and a time/money saver. Although they did have to re-paint the atlaspheres and the maze to reflect this season's tribe colors. Probst explains the challenge and its unique history as the only Survivor challenge that has never been completed. The Villains choose to sit out Courtney and Sandra, while the Heroes sit out Cirie. Inside the atlaspheres are Tom and Rob, with Rupert and James and Douche and Tyson pushing them. The Heroes get an early lead, only to wander off into the bushes, no doubt due to Rupert's trouble rolling the globe with his broken toe. The Villains easily roll past them and reach the maze first, where Douche and Tyson are allowed to remove their blindfolds and move Rob into position to direct the maze. I don't think the globe-pushers were allowed to remove their blindfolds last season, so that's new. The Villains seem to have made good progress by the time Tom arrives and starts directing the Heroes' maze. Tragically, it is at this point that J.T. keels over and dies, thus ending the challenge prematurely for a second time. Just kidding! Everyone remembered to drink water this season so they are able to stay upright and conscious. Rob keeps his lead, though Tom is not far behind, as both teams have the ball near the end point. The Villains ultimately win, though by a very slim margin. Parvati runs to give Rob a high-five, but he reminds her that his hands are tied to the globe, so that won't be possible. Probst hands the Villains the idol and sends the Heroes away in shame. As they leave, Cirie interviews that either Tom or Colby are leaving tonight, since they're "on the outs" and it's best for her game if the strong guys leave.
Suddenly, it's Day 11 at camp when the Heroes return. I guess it took them all night to get back to camp. Tom apologizes to his tribe for their loss, but Rupert tells him he had "the hardest damn job of them all." Absolutely, since it's not like Rupert was going to step up for something like that. Tom interviews that his immunity idol won't help him much since everyone knows he has it and will most likely vote accordingly, so he'll have to do this the old-fashioned way and look for cracks in the alliance.
As a symbolic spider makes it way across a log, Cirie and Candice chat in the woods. Candice says tonight should be very simple: three of their alliance vote for Colby and three vote for Tom. Then it won't matter who plays the idol -- the other will still get the majority vote and be voted out. Meanwhile, that whole thing last week about J.T. spreading rumors that Candice doesn't trust Cirie seems to be forgotten about. J.T., however, has not forgotten about how he wants Candice gone ASAP, and tells Amanda. "What about the idol, though? He has a lot of power," Amanda whines. Apparently, she wasn't paying attention in her original season when the guy with two idols was voted out. Or in her second season when Ozzy was voted out while holding an idol. "It just scares me because Tom is smart," Amanda says. If being smarter than Amanda is a reason to vote someone out, then pretty much everyone except for James and Rupert is on the chopping block. J.T. interviews that he'd rather have an alliance with Tom and Colby since they have the idol and he thinks they're both trustworthy straight-shooters, which shows how little he really knows Tom. Isn't he the guy who won his season despite being in a minority alliance simply because people trusted him when they shouldn't have? And yet, he's doing the same thing with Tom. I hope it backfires on him horribly.
Tom walks up to Amanda and J.T. while picking at his belly button, which he seems to enjoy doing. I don't enjoy seeing it, so I wish he'd stop. Tom starts in with his pitch, saying that he and Colby are better alliancemates for J.T., Amanda, and James than Cirie and Candice. Maybe for J.T., since Tom is the only other person who has won this game in their tribe, but surely not for James and especially Amanda, who would then be the only woman in the alliance and thus seen as the weakest and easiest boot with virtually no chance against the men if it came down to individual immunity. Also, why isn't anyone discussing the uselessness and general unpleasantness that is Rupert? Get rid of him! COME ON, people! Tom continues that he knows they're all concerned about his immunity idol and he wishes the "stain" of it wasn't on him. Uh huh. More like he wishes he'd been able to get the idol without anyone seeing him. J.T. asks for Tom's word that he won't play the idol against his own alliance if they let him on, which Tom readily agrees to, saying they can play it "as a committee." He even offers to give it to one of them if it'll help them trust him. Sucker Amanda interviews that this makes her think that Tom might be a good person to have in their alliance after all, despite the fact that she knows he targeted her early on. James walks up and asks what's going on. They say they don't trust Candice, who they see as conniving and, according to Amanda, "scatter-brained," which I don't think means what Amanda thinks it means. James repeats his "I just want to win, y'all" refrain and suddenly Amanda is agreeing to align with and trust Tom, who then gives her a big hug. Tom interviews that he appears to have been successful at forming a new majority alliance, although he's not too stupid or naïve to put all of his trust into his new alliancemates. "We'll see," he says.
Yes, we will see. Because we then see a shot of a spiderweb, which means it's time for Cirie to lay her trap. Amanda tells Cirie what's going on with Tom and how they're leaning towards voting Candice out instead of Tom or Colby. "That is the dumbest thing," Cirie says, slapping her forehead. She asks if Tom's offer to give the idol away was followed up on. "No," Amanda whimpers. "Oh, Amanda," Cirie says, telling Amanda that she's basically trying to save the same people who desperately wanted her out as early in the game as possible and who are a much bigger threat to Amanda than Candice is. "This is so stupid," she says. Amanda just stands there, unable to respond because Cirie is totally correct. Cirie interviews that while she loves Amanda and all, "she is not the sharpest tool in the shed." Ha ha ha! I love Cirie. Forever and always! She says her alliance is full of wishy-washy people who panic and change their plans at the last minute without really thinking things through. Well, that's because most of them lack the ability to think things through. This is one of the drawbacks of forming an alliance with really stupid people. Cirie holds court with the stupider members of her alliance, arguing against getting rid of Candice. But she makes a critical error when her outrage causes her to speak loud enough for J.T. to hear from his hiding spot behind a tree. Rupert mutters about how Cirie is right while J.T. frowns.
He runs off to talk to Tom, telling him that Cirie is convincing the others not to vote for Candice. Tom sighs in an interview that he thought he had tonight's vote in the bag, but it turns out that Amanda can't be trusted when confronted with things such as logic and common sense from Cirie, who he calls "the puppetmaster." Colby meets with them as J.T. suggests getting rid of Cirie tonight. Tom thinks of a way to accomplish this: if J.T. changes his vote from Colby to Cirie and Tom plays his idol, then the three votes against him won't count, there will only be two votes for Colby, and three for Cirie. Oh no! But it is the smartest possible move for everyone in the tribe except Candice. I love Cirie, but if I was playing this game with her, I'd want her gone IMMEDIATELY. That said, I don't know that I'd trust J.T. to be the deciding vote that kept me in the game, but Tom and Colby don't really have a choice at this point. "Tomorrow we make our apologies. Tonight we make our move," Tom says. J.T. interviews that he knows how Cirie plays this game and that as a big, strong guy, his days are numbered. He says his gut says he should go with the majority alliance and not make any waves right now, but his heart says he should keep "good guys" Tom and Colby in this game and get rid of Cirie. As they head into Tribal Council, he says he knows how everyone is voting except for himself.
The Heroes arrive at Tribal Council. Probst takes them to task for voting a strong player like Stephenie out when they need all the physical strength they can get. Except that the Heroes actually won their first post-Stephenie challenge, which was entirely based on strength. Shut up, Probst. Tom says that Stephenie was unlucky because she didn't happen to be a part of a majority alliance. Probst frets that if the game is all about alliances, "great people will go home early." People like, oh I don't know, Probst's best friend Colby? And superman Tom? While weak women like Candice and Cirie get to stay? Colby says that seems to be case right now. Probst asks J.T. what the "wisdom" is in voting strong people out just because they happen to be in the wrong alliance. Seriously, Probst? Hasn't he hosted this show for ten years and twenty seasons now? And he still can't get over his disappointment in the fact that big strong morons are targets? Does he really honestly think it's unwise to vote out individual immunity threats early even if it means a greater chance of losing the group challenges, especially after the past THREE seasons where a minority and/or loser tribe going into the merge managed to basically run the rest of the game? J.T. says he thinks it's "too early" to vote out people they need to beat the other tribe, but adds that everyone in their tribe is a good player and there are reasons why everyone should stay. He says he's basing tonight's vote on sticking with the people who stay true to their word and don't get scared into switching their vote at the last second.
Probst asks Rupert the same question. As soon as Rupert begins speaking, I want to punch him in the face. I don't even know why anymore. I just hate him. He says he's desperate for their tribe to bond and work together to win challenges and he wants to vote accordingly. But, he adds, sighing sadly, he made promises to people that he feels compelled to keep because he's just that awesome of a guy. Probst says it sounds like Rupert is saying that he's voting for someone he'd rather keep around just to keep his word to his alliance. "Wow. What part of that makes sense?" Probst asks. As much as I hate Rupert, that does make sense. Being in a majority alliance is more important than having a team full of super-strong men, especially when you're Rupert and your toe fell off on Day 1, meaning that if your tribe starts picking people off based on how bad they are at challenges, you'll be going home sooner rather than later. Rupert tries to answer, beginning "sitting here at Tribal Council sucks," only for Probst to angrily interrupt with "you're part of the reason!" If you want to attack the contestants on this show, Probst, maybe you should be a contestant yourself or a recapper and not, you know, a supposedly unbiased host and producer, who has every reason to persuade the contestants to vote the way he thinks will make his show the most interesting.
Probst asks Cirie if she's worried that she could be going home tonight. Cirie says she's always worried. Probst asks Tom if he thinks Cirie is telling the truth, because Probst obviously wants his boyfriends Tom and Colby to stay in this game tonight at the expense of Cirie, as she is not a big strong man and thus shouldn't be allowed to walk the earth, let alone participate in this game. Tom says he doesn't think Cirie is truly worried. Colby says he's honestly worried, and that it will take a "bold move" by another one of Probst's boyfriends to save him. Probst then turns to his final Heroes mancrush, James, and asks him how he's voting tonight. James claims that he's voting in a way that will help his team win because, you know, he just wants to win, y'all. Awesomely, Tom can't help but call him out on that, asking if he's truly going to base tonight's vote on keeping the team as strong as possible. James says he is, and he wants everybody to "stop all this crazy stuff" and start winning challenges. Probst asks what he means by that, and James says he means the social game, which is a distraction that he doesn't partake of. Because he doesn't have to. Until it bites him in the ass like it did in China and would have in Micronesia if he hadn't cut his finger first. Also, what game does James think he's playing right now? Because, with very few exceptions, a good social game has always been a key component to winning Survivor. Colby says the social game is kind of important to people who are being targeted. "It's not fun, but it's necessary," he says. James has nothing to say to that because he's an idiot and also because he has no intention of voting in a way that will keep the tribe physically strong despite what he just said. Probst asks J.T. if he's worried about going home tonight. J.T. says he isn't because he thinks he's aligned with truly trustworthy people.
With that, it's time to vote. Candice votes for Tom, adding that she's worried she might be the one leaving tonight. Tom votes for Cirie, saying he loves her as a person, but he knows she's "way too good" at this game and has "wrap[ped] some of these weak minds around [her] little finger." So true! Amazingly, it took three turns on this show before she was in a tribe with someone who realized it. J.T. votes last. We only see him write a "C" on his paper, so it could be anyone. Except Rupert, god damn it. Probst returns with the urn. He's ready and raring to go with the vote-reading, so Tom has to jump up and interrupt him, speechifying that he wanted to wait to use the idol until it could be used as a tool against the Villains, but sadly, that's just not going to happen, as he must instead use it to save himself. He hands it to Probst, who makes his hidden idol speech before pronouncing Tom's idol the real thing. He then reads off three votes for Tom, none of which count. Then it's one vote for Colby. Two votes for Colby. And then one vote for Cirie, who might be thinking "oh ... shit" right about now. Then, two votes for Cirie. One vote left. And it's for ... Cirie! NO! But also, awesome. Basically, Cirie just got Cirie'd. She's done this so well to so many contestants before her that I guess I can't be too upset when it happens to her. And it's always fun to watch Amanda be completely dumbfounded once again by a blindside. Tom and Colby, on the other hand, look relieved and satisfied. J.T. appears nervous, which makes sense since he just turned what is still a majority alliance against him, although I have faith in his damage control abilities. Candice and Rupert shake their heads in stunned disbelief. As for Cirie, she takes her ouster well, waving sadly at her tribe and walking away.