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The rain from last week continued into this week's episode so the contestants arrived at the reward challenge drenched, freezing, miserable, and basically half-dead. Some more than others, as we would soon discover. The reward was nasty Survivor pizza, to be enjoyed in the face of the losing tribe at tonight's Tribal Council, where both teams would have to vote someone out. Except then Russell died during the challenge so they had to end it prematurely and no one won. Seriously, the guy slumped over a table maze with his jaw was supporting his entire body at one point, and then he passed out a second time with his eyes open just to give the show's legal team a few heart attacks of their own. Probst sent the tribes away with no pizza and said they'd both still have to vote someone out tonight. Russell tried to claim that he was fine, but the medical team, blood pressure cuff, and heart monitors said differently, so he was taken out of the game as epic tragedy music swelled on the soundtrack. Back at camp, the contestants schemed about who should go , with the votes being between Liz and Natalie on Foa Foa and Shambo and Monica on Galu. Both tribes went to Tribal and exchanged semi-heated words and challenges to each other before Probst informed them that because Russell was taken out the game, there would be no vote tonight. And just when you thought Probst was a good guy for staying by Russell's side when he was dying and stuff, he goes back to his jerky self and doesn't give anyone pizza.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!The Previously segment is driving me crazy. It does every season, but this season it seems especially awful. All Probst talks about is how awesome Li'l Russell is and how much Shambo sucks. They're even using the exact same interview clip of Laura saying Shambo is like Gilligan two weeks in a row. Also, I love how Probst acts like Li'l Russell was the reason why Ashley went home last week when even if he had voted for Liz, Ashley still would have gotten the majority of the votes. Also, Foa Foa supposedly didn't discuss their votes beforehand so there's no way he could have had anything to do with them all voting for Ashley anyway. In conclusion: shut up, Probst.
It's Day 15 at Foa Foa and it is still raining. Mick's feet are gross and wrinkly and he's shivering in his shelter, so much so that Natalie accuses him of having a seizure. FORESHADOWING. Mick interviews that the weather has been like this for five days now, and it's so rough that some people were jealous of Ashley last night when she was voted out to a nice, warm bed and a roof over her head. Li'l Russell decides to hang out in the ocean because it's actually warmer in there right now, while Jaison wins my love forever by talking about the awesome cartoon Captain Planet and how much Ma-Ti and his heart element ring sucked. My god, there must be an entire generation of kids out there who talked about this with each other, because my friends and I thought Ma-Ti sucked, too. Especially when compared to Wheeler, who got the fire ring. Except he was an ass, so the most awesome character was, of course, Dr. Blight and her sarcastic computer. Captain Pollution was also pretty cool. Anyway, now Jaison sees the err of his Ma-Ti-hating ways, saying he'd give anything for a heart ring because right now he's having a hard time summoning up the passion to stay in this game. Don't be stupid, Jaison. If you had a fire ring then you could make a nice, warm fire for yourself. Or if you had the water ring, you could control the rain and make it stop. If you had the wind ring, you could just blow all the rain away. Special bonus: you could dry off quickly. And if you had the earth ring, you could use it to make a waterproof shelter. And if you had all five rings, you could summon Captain Planet, who would fly down for like ten seconds before a drop of slightly acidic rain kicked his ass. So even in this case, the heart ring is the least useful of all the elements. Li'l Russell claims to love the miserable conditions and says they make him stronger. I have a feeling he'd be singing a different tune if he didn't have those sixty pounds of fat to keep him nice and warm.
After an overly long montage of ocean life, we go to Galu's beach, where Russell is attempting to fish. That's about it. I have a feeling we're in for a lot of filler this week.
Finally, we go to Camp Galu, where everyone is freaking miserable. Shambo hides in the shelter. The rest of the tribe cluster together under a tree like penguins and talk about how much they wish they had that tarp instead of those comfort items. John interviews that their misery is all Russell's fault, but since he was elected leader and the comfort items were his choice, that's the way it goes. Meanwhile, it can't be raining that bad, since Russell has managed to build a fire. So that should help, right? Brett interviews that Russell's hard work is "a bit unnecessary" and he went "too far." Um, what? He built a nice warm fire while you stood around doing nothing. Shut up and dry yourself off in the fire, random guy. While the rest of the tribe heads into the shelter, Russell stays with the fire and hopes that his hard work will make him look good and keep him in the game for longer. Um, has Russell ever watched this show before? Freezing, he finally heads into the shelter, only to have trouble and stumbling on his way in. FORESHADOWING. Kelly interviews that Russell is trying to do everything around camp and "pushing himself too hard." And then the fire goes out anyway. So I guess Brett was kind of right. Then again, he and Kelly are both doing these interviews with the benefit of hindsight.
Life still sucks at Foa Foa. Mick is huddled against the trunk of a tree, which is relatively dry and warm, unlike the shelter. Is there a reason why no one in the shelter is huddling together for the most efficient use of body heat, by the way? They're all just sitting there and respecting each other's personal space, which is not a good idea at a time like this. Li'l Russell eats mini-bananas and calls his tribemates "worthless" and "no good" because they don't like the rain. To his credit, he's outside working while everyone else appears to be doing nothing. He says they're afraid to get their hair wet. So basically, he is the king of this show by virtue of the fact that he's bald and fat. Congrats, Li'l Russell. He says his tribemates are lazy and wimpy, and that's why they can't win a challenge. Although it's not like the people on Galu are faring any better in this. "If you didn't throw up out there every freaking challenge, you didn't do your job. That's how I think of it," Li'l Russell says. By the way, I haven't seen him throw up after a challenge once. He did, however, vote out the only person who did throw up after a challenge last week. Also, FORESHADOWING.
Later that day, the sun comes out and there are rainbows in the sky! Erik emerges from the private shelter he appears to have made for himself in the trunk of a tree and says he has been schooled by Samoa and will respect its weather patterns from here on out. Galu admire the rainbow and wonder if Foa Foa can see it on their side of the island. Russell is especially loud with his appreciation of the nice weather. He interviews that his tribe is stronger than ever now that they've come through this. And yes, going through a trying time together is a great team-building exercise. But you know what else helps a team function well? Drinking plenty of fluids. I'm just saying.
Cut to the reward challenge! The tribes enter and Probst explains the challenge. One person from each tribe will placed inside a large sphere to be rolled through a course by two blindfolded tribemates to a table maze with four corners for the two blindfolded sphere-pushers and two additional blindfolded tribemates to control under the orders of the tribemate still inside the sphere. I have a feeling the original plan was for there to be four people manning each corner instead of the sphere-pushers having to take two of the corners, but Foa Foa's suckitude has made this impossible. The first tribe to complete the maze wins the reward. Unfortunately, it's gross Survivor pizza, which Probst describes as "hot, pipin' pizza!" What the hell is a "pipin'" pizza, Probst? It's "piping hot," and even then you sound like a dork. Honestly, you work all of two hours a day on this show. Get your lines right. And there will be no immunity challenge today, as both tribes will go to Tribal Council tonight to vote someone out. And just to make it as painful as possible, the winning tribe will eat their pizza in front of the losing tribe at Tribal. Erik loves this idea, taking for granted that he'll be the one enjoying the pizza. Galu has to sit four members out. John recommends that Russell sit this one out, saying that he and Dave Ball can do the pushing. "Unless you want to do it," Dave Ball says, thereby sealing Russell's doom. Of course, as the important-in-his-own-mind tribe leader, Russell must step up to the physical part of this challenge. He sits Monica, Kelly, Shambo, and Dave Ball out. Shambo sat out the last challenge, but whatever. I do love how he sat the women out for the truly physically arduous task of a table maze, by the way.
So, Laura and Liz are in the spheres and Erik, Russell, Jaison, and Li'l Russell are pushing. Probst calls go, and Galu takes an early lead due to Laura's awesomeness. But then Foa Foa gets past Galu at the first corner, nearly squishing Erik in the process. Foa Foa quickly steers Liz off the course entirely, giving Galu the lead back, only for them to slam into a tree and lose it. Foa Foa increases its lead as they approach the maze, as Russell is having a hard time pushing. "Russell is exhausted!" Probst calls out. FORESHADOWING. Foa Foa reaches the maze, but Liz has direct it from inside the sphere and she's currently upside-down and backwards, so they must use precious seconds getting her to a good vantage point before they can start the maze. Galu arrives at the maze just as Foa Foa are getting started. Erik makes it to his corner of the maze easily, but Russell wanders off to Foa Foa's side. It would be humorous if we hadn't all been spoiled by the previews as to what was going to come . He learns over a gate to catch his breath, clearly having some kind of problem. Laura just keeps yelling at him and everyone else is blindfolded so they have no idea what's going on. John is somehow able to find and grab Russell and lead him to his corner. At this point, though, it starts to become obvious that Russell's disorientation has nothing to do with the fact that he can't see. He's staggering around like a guy I saw in diabetic shock once at an IKEA. He took out the entire home office section before he finally collapsed. Russell somehow makes it to his corner of the maze, only to slowly slump over on top of it. His body goes limp and his jaw is now supporting his entire body. Probst starts to figure out that something might not be right here. Galu, meanwhile, yells at Russell from the sidelines to "get off the table!" as if he'd take a nap in the maze by choice. As Probst approaches, Russell slides off the table but his shirt catches on the handle so he's sitting like The Thinker. "Are you with me?" Probst asks, rushing to his side. He is not. Probst tells everyone to stop what they're doing and calls medical in. As they arrive, Russell snaps out of it and stands up like nothing's wrong. "I'm good," he says. Probst overrules him, saying Russell was "definitely out." Any doubt as to Russell's health condition is erased when he passes out again and the dramatic music plays. At this point, even the crew rush in to help and they show the cameramen, so you know it's serious business. Commercial!
Back from break, the non-blindfolded people watch as the medical team (the triumphant return of Dr. Ramona!) and various crew members step in. The blindfolded people have to be wondering what the hell is going on. Dave Ball interviews that he saw Russell stumbling around during the challenge but thought it was because he was blindfolded, not because he was on the verge of passing out. Yeah, that really was the perfect storm for Russell's health crisis. Rain for five days + thinking he needs to do tons of unnecessary work as the tribe leader + not drinking any water + very physical challenge + blindfolded so no one can see his face and his near-passed out staggering around looks like a consequence of the fact that he can't see = this. On the ground, Russell is conscious but out of it, claiming that he's fine and ready to compete in this challenge. Probst tries to explain to him that he passed out, then tells the rest of the players they can remove their blindfolds. Dr. Ramona says Russell's blood pressure is really low. That's what she said about Jeffrey Tambor. I'm starting to wonder if her blood pressure cuff is just broken. Honestly, it's hard to take her seriously when she can't even wear sunglasses correctly. She says Russell's blood pressure is even lower than Jeffrey Tambor's, and his was freaking low. Russell says he was just "a little winded" from pushing the sphere but he's fine now. Yes, clearly, Russell. You're awesome. He gets an oxygen mask, and Dr. Ramona says Russell can't stand up without passing out again. Probst ends the challenge right there, saying there is no winner and thus no reward and both tribes are still going to Tribal Council and voting someone out tonight. And then he sends both tribes away, like, Galu can't stay behind to see if their tribemate lives or dies? Because he's looking pretty bad right there. They don't even get to give him proper good-byes, not like he'd know what they were saying anyway. Probst tells Galu on their way out that if Russell is well enough to continue the game they'll see him at Tribal. But the only person who really thinks Russell has a chance to get back in the game is probably Russell himself, and that's only in between periods of unconsciousness, so ... "feel better, Russell," Jaison says on Foa Foa's way out. Galu says they'll see him when he returns, but you can tell they're all pretty sure they won't be seeing him again until the Reunion.
At Camp Galu, people are pretty certain that Russell isn't coming back. There isn't much more to say, but not for lack of trying on Monica's part! "Think Russell's okay?" Monica asks. John pauses for a moment, probably thinking about how stupid Monica is to even ask that question. Then he says "no." "Think he'll be coming back?" Monica asks. "No," John says. He interviews that Russell gave their tribe everything he had and ultimately his body failed him. "It's so unfortunate," he says. But it also means everyone else is one step closer to one million dollars! Come on -- you know they're thinking it. And it's raining again. Dave Ball goes running for the shelter, only to be struck by lightning! No, not really. But I'm not sure why the editors insist on putting those lightning flashing visual effects into every shot. Laura says they don't know what to do without their leader around to tell them. But, she adds, this is a game, and someone has to be voted out tonight.
Back at the challenge, Russell drinks some water and a lone tear falls down his face. Stop crying, Russell! You need all the fluids you can get! He's able to sit up, but admits he feels a little light-headed. As Dr. Ramona prepares to take his blood pressure again, some alarms on the heart monitor thing beep and he falls backwards with his eyes open, totally unresponsive. It looks freaking scary. Probst is shitting himself. He is watching a contestant die on his show. There will be lawsuits. CBS won't like this at all. This season is a wash, for sure. Just as Probst is wondering if he can get a guest-hosting spot on Live With Regis and Kelly and lie in wait for Regis to retire/die so he can get a permanent position there, Russell comes back around, but Dr. Ramona says his heart rank dropped from 97 to 68 when they sat him up. Wow, that sure was a dumb move to sit him up then, wasn't it, Dr. Ramona? You're lucky he didn't die. Or that he didn't die more than he already did. Also, way to have such a thick Australian accent that you need subtitles. And get more camera time than Brett. Needless to say, this means that Russell has to leave this game. Because he's, like, dead. He did not survive. Russell is very upset to hear this news, but Probst has just the speech to cheer him up: "it's frustrating to be pulled out of a game you wanted to be part of for so long. You were in great shape, you were the leader of a tribe that was dominating. There were no signs that you were goin' home any time soon. You pushed and pushed and pushed your body until your body said 'enough.'" Hmmm. Basically, Probst is trying to make Russell feel better about having to leave the game by telling him how if he hadn't pushed himself so hard, he would have had a great chance to win a million dollars. Ha ha ha! That's terrible. Russell rips off the oxygen mask in anger and Probst decides that he can best serve Russell by leaving him alone. Seriously. Poor showing there, Probst. A tear rolls down Russell's cheek as the tragedy music swells.
Um, why is Russell one of the three choices for the Product Placement Player of the Week? Since when was it good Survivor strategy to work way too hard around camp and not drink water for five days and then take on an intensely physical challenge unnecessarily? And yet, I still think he did a better job this week than the other two choices, who are John, who was invisible, and Li'l Russell, who ate a banana. I really don't understand that Player of the Week thing.
After the break, a shark swims casually up to a school of fish and eats one. Well, that fish had it coming. When a shark swims up to you, you get the hell out of there. My god, this episode must be boring (except for the part where Russell kind of died) if I've resorted to recapping the fish.
We slowly transition to Camp Foa Foa, where Liz says her tribe was "close to winning" when "Big Russell had his medical accident." Oh, Liz, just stop talking. You constantly sound like a moron, and I'm like 75% sure you are not a moron. She says that the win didn't matter much anyway, since they have to vote someone out no matter what, something she finds "surprising" and "a little upsetting." I'll say -- it means Foa Foa is down to four people (maximum) going into a merge. So, they're screwed. Liz and Natalie eat some mini-bananas and discuss the vote. They realize they're both voting for each other and high-five about it. Liz says it only makes sense to vote a woman off tonight because they need the guys to win challenges. Because those guys have done such a great job of winning so far. Why does Liz hate women so much? If she hadn't rallied so hard to vote women off before, she wouldn't be in such a bad position now. Li'l Russell meets with Natalie on the beach and tells her to vote for Liz. He says he's voting for her and he's sure Mick will do whatever he asks. He probably thinks that Natalie is only voting for Liz because he told her to. Meanwhile, we saw her make that decision before. But I'm sure the previously segment week will tell us all how Li'l Russell engineered Liz's ouster right after he single-handedly caused Galu's Russell to collapse from dehydration.
Meanwhile, Liz talks to Jaison and Mick. Both are non-committal about which way they're voting. Jaison just wants to whine about how his tribe has terrible luck, even to the point that when they're about to win pizza, someone on Galu almost dies and ruins it for them. Way to be selfish, Jaison. I'm pretty sure Russell's collapse was fate saying "fuck you" to Russell, not Foa Foa. And honestly, there was no guarantee that Foa Foa would have won that challenge if Russell hadn't been sick, since a big reason why Galu fell behind was because of Russell's inability to move and stuff. Jaison does say that he hopes Russell is okay and it was the right decision to cancel the challenge, though. I think he just really wanted that pizza, and has no idea that even if they had won it, fate would have dealt them the cruelest blow of all and it would have been disgusting Survivor pizza. In the shelter, he says he doesn't think their tribe will last much longer in this game no matter who goes home tonight because they're outnumbered. "I think it can be done," Natalie says. She doesn't know how, of course, but still. Optimism is a good thing.
Over at Galu, Monica takes Laura and Kelly out for a walk to loudly discuss how she's pretty sure Shambo is gunning for her tonight and wants to make sure she has their support. Except that Shambo is like five feet away when she says this so Laura and Kelly are like "SHHHHH" and then they all have to pretend to help Shambo forage for food. Laura interviews that Shambo is the obvious choice to go home tonight because no one likes her and she's had two opportunities to make friends with people on Foa Foa. Shambo talks to the girls about who they're thinking of voting out tonight. Kelly acts like she never considered it before. Shambo realizes that she's on the outs but obviously not why, and clumsily tries to campaign for them not to vote her out tonight by saying that she started fires and collected firewood and she's a "good, honest, and fair competitor." Monica says she knows that Shambo voted for her at the last Tribal Council. Shambo smirks and acts like that's a stupid reason for Monica to want to vote her out this time. Monica says she doesn't know if she's voting for Shambo. "I can't guarantee you anything," she says, which basically means she's totally voting for Shambo. "Who made you fire for you the first eight days you were here, Monica? Who kept you warm and dry and safe?" Shambo asks, like any of that matters. Also, "safe?" What is she even talking about? Safe from what? She didn't keep Russell safe from depriving himself of water. Also, if we're going to base the votes on who is doing the most for everyone around camp, I really don't think the person who lost the snorkel and a chicken is at the top of the list. Monica's like "who didn't write my name down? Everyone else in this tribe except for you!" Monica interviews that Shambo voted for her, and that makes her "the enemy." Also the fact that she's an easy target probably helps a lot.
Meanwhile, the men are trying to decide which woman to vote out. They agree that Monica is the weakest and while Shambo is ridiculous, she's helped them win challenges in the past and, perhaps most importantly, "she poses no threat to anybody," as John points out. He thinks that, come the merge, Laura and Monica will be much more dangerous to them than Shambo, who, by the way, has been to Foa Foa twice and has like a million more reasons to flip to their side after the merge than Monica and Laura would. John interviews that this might be their only chance to split up the wonder twins. I am all for this because then it'll be really easy to tell them apart. Yes, this needs to be the episode where one Russell leaves, one of the wonder twins leaves, and a blonde leaves. And then my life will be that much easier. The men seem to agree that with their votes and Shambo's, they have the numbers to take out Monica, and that's what they're going to do. I think John also called Russell "coach," which I DO NOT LIKE for reasons that should be obvious.
Shambo walks over to the men to try to rally for votes, doing just as terrible a job with them as she did with the ladies. Erik won't commit to not writing her name down but says that his lack of commitment doesn't mean that he's voting for her. He interviews from inside a tree that "Shambo is on a need-to-know basis," most likely because she doesn't have the ability to control what comes out of her mouth and they want to keep their four-way man alliance a secret. And so, they have a truly ridiculous meeting that must be transcribed for you to get the full effect of how awesome it was:
John: Shambo, who are you voting for tonight?
Shambo: What are your thoughts?
John: Erik, if you were Shambo, who would you vote for tonight?
Erik: If I were Sham-BO I would probably stay consistent.
Shambo: Who?
Erik: Consistent. I'd stay consistent.
Shambo: ???
John: (sigh) Meaning who you voted for last time is probably your best bet.
Shambo: What if you were John?
Erik: I would follow the leader. As in, Shambo's the leader.
Shambo: And if you were Erik, who would you vote for?
John: (done with this) I'd vote for Monica. Who are you voting for, Shambo? Do you get what this is about yet?
Shambo is so happy that everyone appears to be voting for Monica that she doesn't get that John is totally insulting her intelligence. Erik tells Shambo to "lock it up" and keep this quiet. She responds by trying to bump fists with the guys. "Pounding fists is not locking it up," Erik says. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised to see her vote for a new tribe member named "Consistent," because she clearly does not understand what is going on. Like, ever. And yet, she managed to keep herself hydrated and Russell didn't.
Both tribes arrive at Tribal Council. Because there is no pizza reward to lord over the losing tribe, both tribes will sit down together for a joint Tribal, the first ever! Probst smiles that for the first time ever, they have thirteen people at Tribal Council. Actually, they had more in Season 10 when they pulled this same bullshit "both tribes must vote someone out thing" and the winning tribe got to eat beef stew in front of the losing tribe, but that's because back in those days contestants didn't drop dead twice a season. Anyway, Probst fills everyone in on Russell's departure, saying that when his heart rate dropped and he blacked out for like a third time, he had to be pulled from the game. Mick nods at this, because he's a doctor and thus knows that when people's hearts don't work right, they should not be on a show like this. "It was the scariest moment I've ever had on this show. Nineteen seasons, I have never been more afraid in my life of how bad things were. Russell was in terrible shape," Probst says. Meanwhile he's grinning like an idiot the entire time he says this, like, what the hell? Way to really hammer home the grave danger of the moment with a huge smile on your face, idiot. But I think he's right -- that probably was the scariest moment he's ever had on the show. Some would say it was when Mike fell in the fire, but Probst wasn't there for that, so it wouldn't have been a really scary moment for him personally. Also, Mike didn't lie on the beach, unresponsive, with his eyes open.
Probst says that Russell is okay now and asks Shambo how she feels about this. Shambo says she's sad that Russell had to leave that way because he had a lot of heart and spirit. Um, that was actually well-said, Shambo. Probst turns to Li'l Russell and says that, as a member of the opposing tribe, he must see things a bit differently because any time someone from Galu goes home, it's a good thing for Foa Foa. Li'l Russell says Russell was "the strongest on their tribe" but he still doesn't like the fact that he left the game that way. "I don't want to beat him like that," he claims. As it starts to rain again, Probst asks Dave Ball what it's like to watch someone "go through this crisis." Um, bad? And then they give them no pizza. This game is cruel. Dave Ball says it was an "eye-opener" as to how tough this game is. Probst tells Erik that the past fifteen days have been the hardest he's ever seen the show's contestants have to endure. Erik says he just spent the past 22 hours huddled in the bottom of a tree trunk praying to everything and everyone possible that the weather would let up. "I feel like I'm in solitary confinement for a crime I didn't commit, and that was not anything that was advertised," he says. Well, you could hang out in the shelter with the rest of your tribe, Erik. Also, how was surviving the elements not advertised? Are these people not aware that rain exists? I guess if you live in Los Angeles for long enough, you forget.
Meanwhile, it's pouring again. Probst points this out to the contestants, who are truly miserable about it. Erik says it's a mental game, too, because they're all terrified that the rain will never stop. Probst asks Dave Ball what he thinks the "status of the game" is for Galu and Foa Foa right now. Dave Ball says it looks like Galu has a serious numbers advantage, not to mention the boost of protein that has kept their spirits as high as they can be. Probst asks Li'l Russell if he agrees. Li'l Russell does not, saying "the attitude at Foa Foa is fine" and they're going to surprise Galu and even up the numbers. Except they'll still be down four to six, best case scenario. Unless the show has the tribes merge at 8 because they really want Li'l Russell to have every advantage. Probst asks Mick if Foa Foa sees the challenge as win for them, since they were ahead and no one from their tribe died during it. Mick says they do, and if the challenge hadn't been cancelled, they would have won it. Laura does not agree with this. Probst asks Erik if Foa Foa's apparent confidence concerns him. Erik says it doesn't. Foa Foa won a challenge before and Galu was able to regain their momentum. They'll do it again, no problem.
With that, it's time to vote. Or rather, it's time to announce that there will be no vote, what with Russell leaving and the challenge not being finished and all. So everyone gets pizza! Actually, no. They still don't get pizza. That sucks. Liz is very happy with this, of course, as is Monica. John and Erik are not quite so thrilled. Probst asks Erik how he feels about the news. Erik says they already lost a tribemate today, so regardless of whether or not there's a vote tonight they're down a member. Li'l Russell, on the other hand, says this is great for Foa Foa, because now they won't be down to just four members. And the five of them, he claims, are a very strong unit and he thinks they're about to turn the tables on Galu. Various members of Galu shake their heads. Probst goes to his he-man Erik for his opinion. Erik says he'll do a challenge right now, "because that's what Russell would do." Yes, he would. He would do ten challenges in a row and not drink any water in between them and then he would collapse. Oops. "There's five of them over there and there are eight of us over here... every bead of sweat that he put into everything he ever did -- we're bringing that to you. We will bring that every day, every challenge," Erik says. "We welcome it," Mick says without hesitation. I would too -- it'd be awesome for Foa Foa if Galu took a page from Russell's playbook and went around camp starting fires in the middle of a rainstorm and then collapsed at the challenge like four times. Probst claims that the rivalry between the tribes has truly intensified and it's sure to be a "great finish." Doubt it! Probst gives Galu Russell's stupid chief necklace (they didn't let him keep it after all that? So mean! He loved that thing!) and tells them to pick a new leader when they return to camp. Both tribes head out.
But there are still five minutes left in the show! So let's jump back in time a few hours. Or we can pretend that Russell is still sobbing on the ground at the challenge the morning. Whatever. As he's carried out of the game on a stretcher manned by like twenty people, he voiceovers that being forced out of the game like this is a terrible feeling. I'll bet the extreme dehydration feels worse, though. "To have my body fail me is utterly demoralizing," he says as he's loaded into a van. Your body didn't fail you, Russell. Your mind failed you by forgetting to DRINK WATER. He says rather do the show and fail than never try. And they have truly pulled out the epic hero music for this, haven't they? I believe the lyrics are "maybe if we make him look good/he won't try to sue us." And with that, there's a pretty awesome shot of the van driving into the dense jungles of Samoa. There's no hospital in sight, so it looks like that's going to be a long, bumpy ride. Kind of like the rest of this season.
And check out Russell's Fuck You Family Moment, where his wife and daughter talk about how awesome it is that he was finally able to get on this show after trying for so long. "Persistence pays off," the wife says. Yes. But keeping yourself hydrated pays off even more.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.