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Galu appoints an unlikely new leader in Shambo, as the guys figure she'll take it as a compliment, and that it will secure her as an ally against the women. Shambo's first (and second, and third) order of business is to tell us all that she was in the Marines. Her fourth order of business is to relinquish her command as soon as possible, as she sits out the memory reward challenge and gives her leadership power to Brett to choose whether he wants to keep the matched survival items for camp or give them away and win a point for the tribe, with the tribe that gets the most points winning a sailboat and lunch reward. Galu, of course, get plenty of items for Brett to choose from, the first being a fire-starting kit wrapped in a precious, precious tarp. That's the only item Brett keeps, trading the rest for points and giving Galu an easy victory over the increasingly terrible Foa Foa. Shambo sends Laura off to Foa Foa, where she bonds with Natalie and Li'l Russell over Christianity, although one or both of them are lying to her about their devotion to win her trust and form a post-merge alliance with her. At the immunity challenge, Foa Foa manages to get a good lead going until Jaison pretty much quits in both the physical and mental sections. This makes him a target at Tribal Council, something he doesn't seem all that upset about. But in the end, his miserable existence will continue, as Liz is voted out.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!I love how Probst says that the two-player Tribal Council vote was cancelled "out of respect for Russell's traumatic medical evacuation" and not because, you know, they'd already had two unplanned contestant departures due to medical problems and so the combo-Tribal was no longer necessary to keep the numbers appropriately low. Because if that was really the case, wouldn't they have cancelled the Tribal Council after Jeffrey Tambor was evacuated? He gets no respect. Not even from me, as I refuse to use his real name. Also, the shot of Russell in that angelic white lighting is hilarious. I love it when this show gets over-dramatic and thinks it's way more important than it really is.
Galu return to camp. Erik interviews from his tree that Russell's departure is a huge loss for Galu and him specifically, since he had more confidence in him than anyone else on his tribe. Perhaps more importantly, though, the male alliance no longer has the numbers over the women. They decide that Shambo is their best bet to get the numbers advantage again, and they'll even "reward" her for helping them by getting her to the jury. The men nod and agree that this is a good plan and probably think they're really generous for allowing Shambo to make it all the way to the jury. Which they kind of are, actually, but only because of how she lost the snorkel and the chicken and would have been eliminated several episodes ago if Foa Foa wasn't so terrible at everything. "Even though she's a chick, Shambo doesn't fit in with the other girls," Erik explains diplomatically. The only way their plan will fail, they say, is if the women are able to win Shambo over to their side. And since Monica kind of hates her, I do not see that happening. Nor do I see the women even realizing that they should try.
We have gone like three minutes without seeing any Li'l Russell, and that simply will not do. Day 16 at Foa Foa, and the rain appears to have stopped for now. The tribemates sleep in their shelter, with Jaison shivering and cold but not trying to huddle up to anyone for warmth. What is up with these people? Why are they trying to get body heat from trees before other people? Li'l Russell says things are looking up for Foa Foa since they didn't have to vote anyone else out last night and Galu lost their Russell. "It's pretty damn close," Li'l Russell says of Galu's eight members over Foa Foa's five. Um, not really. Last time I checked, 8 was a larger number than 5. By 3, actually.
At Galu, it's time to elect a new leader. Erik wants Shambo to get it, and his fellow men agree. They decide to pretend that it's an individual vote and it "just so happened" that all of the men decided on Shambo. I'm sure none of the women will see anything strange about the least popular member of the tribe being voted into the leadership position by every single guy. No, really -- they probably won't. Erik says that this will also help them win Shambo over, because he knows her well enough by now to know that she will take being the tribe chief as some kind of vote of confidence. And take it too seriously. And then work way too hard to try to prove something even though no cares and die of dehydration or whatever. And so, he walks up to her and says he thinks she's the "best person" for the job of tribe leader. "'kay," Shambo shrugs, not at all as enthusiastic about it as Erik or I thought she'd be. Inside the shelter, the tribe decides to vote for their leader. Sure enough, Shambo gets all four of the men's votes. Interestingly, she does not appear to vote for herself. I think she voted for Erik, along with Monica who, by the way, is not at all pleased by this turn of events. Nor is her wonder twin. Monica interviews that the vote went by so quickly that she doesn't think anyone even knew what was going on, nor does she know how Shambo won it, especially when as far as Monica knew, Shambo was supposed to be sent home last night. She's starting to think there are things going on in camp that she doesn't know about, and that she was the one who was saved by last night's vote and not Shambo after all. Yes, Monica, good. Pretty soon you'll realize that you're on a show called Survivor, where people plot against each other's backs and stuff. Just keep thinking!
Shambo declares her "first act" as tribe leader "to be one of motivation and kindness," whatever that means. She says she "didn't ask for this" but will do the best she can. I guess Erik and I were wrong about Shambo because she is not into this leader thing at all, possibly because she's just self-aware enough to realize that it makes her a target. She says her leadership style is very different than Russell's, as she is "not bossy." But then she says something about how she was a sergeant in the Marines and thus expects her orders to be followed when she gives them. That sounds bossy to me.
Reward challenge! I see a bunch of platforms with pointy tops on them, all the better for someone to pass out and impale himself on. Probst calls the tribes in and takes a moment to bask in the hot, dry, sunlight before pointing out that Shambo is wearing Galu's leader necklace. Meanwhile, Foa Foa exchange looks like "I thought Shambo told us they hated her on that tribe. Hmmm!" Shambo says she isn't surprised to be elected leader, as she has "a lifetime of leadership skills," none of which she has actually displayed in this game so far.
Probst explains the challenge: it's a giant game of Memory, with the thirty-six platforms having sixteen pairs of survival items under them and four items that have no match for some reason. With each match, the team gets a point unless the tribe leader decides that he or she wants the matched item at camp, in which case the tribe receives that item but forfeits the point. Oh, that's pretty cool. The tribe with the most points at the end of the game gets an afternoon sailboat ride and lunch except for one member who will be sent to the opposing tribe. Shambo gets to sit three people out. She goes with Kelly, Dave Ball, and herself. Smart thinking, Shambo! Unlike Russell, who had no concept of his own limitations, she knows she's going to suck out at Memory and should stay as far away from it as possible. But now she has to assign someone else to make the decision on whether to keep the item or take the point. She immediately chooses Erik. Dave Ball immediately and loudly protests this for some reason, telling her to pick Brett instead. She does. Way to give the other tribemates cameratime, Shambo! Such a good leader.
The game begins. Galu gets the first match when Laura matches a fire-starting kit, which is a large amount of fire-starting supplies that are -- most importantly -- wrapped in a tarp. A precious waterproof tarp. "KEEP IT," Brett says immediately. "Thank god," Shambo says. Watch it not rain now for the rest of their time out there. Liz goes for Foa Foa and reveals a rusty cleaver with her first turn. The match was revealed earlier, so all she has to do now is remember where and pick it up for a match. She does not do this, instead picking up mosquito netting, the match to which was also revealed in an earlier turn. Whoops! Now Galu has their choice of which item to pick -- the netting or the cleaver. Brett goes and matches the mosquito netting, taking the point instead of the item and giving Galu the lead.
Foa Foa goes up . They did not discuss where the other cleaver was while Brett was off matching the netting, so Natalie goes out cluelessly and does not get the cleaver. Way to totally blow it, Natalie. "This challenge not as easy as it seems!" Probst says. Oh, yes it is, Probst. Pre-school kids play this. John goes up for Galu and easily gets the cleaver match, giving Galu a second point. Then Li'l Russell matches what appears to be toilet paper to put Foa Foa on the board. Laura gets another match with some rope. Then we just go into a montage of matches and failures and points until Galu is up 6-3 with Brett deciding not to take the snorkel equipment over a point. I thought that was a stupid decision until Probst reveals that there are only three matches left, so the best Foa Foa can do is tie. And Natalie is up . Bad news for Foa Foa. And yet, she manages to get a match! And now Monica is up for Galu. She reveals some eating utensils and confidently heads over to reveal the match. Galu wins! Again! Probst credits Shambo's leadership for their win even though she didn't do anything and asks her who she's sending to Foa Foa, thus missing out on the reward. We all know from the previews that she's sending Laura. She explains that she wants to "keep my guys strong" for tomorrow's challenge. Laura is PISSED. Kelly interviews that Shambo is acting like the girl raised in a trailer park who marries a rich guy and drives a Jaguar and treats everyone like crap. Um, how is it treating someone like crap to send them Foa Foa? Someone has to go, and Shambo herself had to go twice. Stop being a Bitter Betty, Kelly. On the way out, Mick interviews that Foa Foa can't win and they must be cursed. Or maybe you guys just suck at life. Stop blaming the fates on it, Mick. Maybe if you'd kept Betsy or Marisa instead of Natalie, you would've won this one.
After the break, Laura arrives at Foa Foa and meets the other team. She interviews that everyone at Foa Foa is very friendly before getting all pissed off about how Shambo chose her to go to camp, like what did she expect? She didn't seem to have a problem when Shambo had to go to Foa Foa twice and I'm sure she would've sent Shambo a third time if she had the choice, so whatever, Laura. But Laura says it's because Shambo "doesn't like [her]." Well, maybe if you pronounced her name correctly one time she might feel differently. Li'l Russell quickly swoops in and takes Laura hunting for crabs to bond with her over the fact that they're parents and also Christians. You see, Li'l Russell claims that his father was a preacher (I wonder if his congregation was in a section of New Orleans that was hit by Hurricane Katrina? You know, since his son is a firefighter there and all), which pairs nicely with the fact that Laura is apparently a "theology student" even though the text under her name says she's an "office manager." Why do they even bother defining people by their jobs on this show anymore anyway? Laura has a degree in "women's ministry," saying she has no desire to be a pastor to men because "I don't believe that that's the woman's role." Ugh, really? I liked her, too. Can't this show just give me one contestant to like? Why must everyone suck? Li'l Russell takes all of this in before offering to form a secret post-merge Final Two alliance. Li'l Russell says that his brilliant plan to make life tough for his tribemates failed miserably since they're going into a merge without the numbers, so now his only hope is to "work [his] Houdini magic" on Laura. Somehow, "Houdini magic" means telling Laura that she's a "good Christian" and her calling him a "brotha from another motha" back. The real Houdini would not have done either of those things. He says he will "work" Laura "like a fine tool." Well, if anyone knows anything about tools, it's probably him. Laura interviews that the option of having a secret alliance with Li'l Russell is good "food for thought." So she's not totally on board with it by any means but I'm sure in week's previouslys they'll give Li'l Russell total credit for tricking Laura to join his side. Li'l Russell tells Laura that the immunity idol has already been found. Laura guesses that Shambo has it, and Li'l Russell totally blows a chance to stir things up at Camp Galu by telling her that Ben found it.
The rest of Galu are rowed out to a tall ship that Erik describes as a "pirate ship." Yes, a pirate ship. Run by a dastardly older white couple and a bunch of other people who do not look at all Samoan. Come on. Captain Whitebeard says the plan is to "set sail" and then eat, which Dave Ball is very happy about. But first, Galu has to help the crew get the ship ready to set sail, which is so unfair. I'd be like "give me food now please thanks," but the contestants don't seem to mind. Especially not the women, who do no work while the men raise the sails. Shambo mutters something about "the beautiful exuberance of the purple team" because she has either forgotten what their real tribe name is or just can't pronounce it. The ship's crew stupidly lets Kelly try the wheel and she nearly capsizes the entire ship. Dave Ball gets very carried away with the pirate theme, talking about booty, grog, and wenches. And then the food comes out: a meaty beef stew, rolls, and scones. Apparently, pirates do not care for vegetables. Shambo enjoys it all, saying it's a nice change after the first sixteen days. Monica takes this moment to thank her for not sending her to Foa Foa and says she shouldn't "feel bad" about sending Laura. Meanwhile, she interviews that Shambo sent Laura to show everyone that she was in charge now and doesn't sound grateful at all. Shambo says she wasn't happy to send anyone, but sending Laura was "the right thing to do by the tribe."
Yeah, whatever, let's go back to Foa Foa! I'm sure Brett and Kelly will get camera time at some point. While Liz struggles to start a fire, she is forced to listen to Laura and Natalie talk about: 1. Laura's motorcycle gang, which brings shame to motorcycle gangs everywhere when she says her pastor is a member and they usually just ride their Harleys to Starbucks for coffee, and 2. Some spiritual book they both read. Well, Natalie didn't really read it, admitting that she just skimmed it, but that was enough to get the positive and uplifting message of the book. Honestly, I don't even have to open one of those spiritual books to tell you that it will have a positive and uplifting message. Liz does not appreciate having to hear about this stuff while she's actually trying to work for the tribe so they can have food and water. She calls it "frustrating, disappointing, and at times, very infuriating." I'm sure most of that is because she has to know that she'll be the Foa Foa member to be voted out and not Natalie, who is useless. She clumsily tries to convince the men of Foa Foa otherwise, saying they are having "a crisis" (in fire-starting, apparently?) while Natalie and Laura talk about books and Christianity. She appeals to Li'l Russell to turn against Natalie for this, but he just interviews that Liz is too stupid to walk and then he says a bunch of other meaningless bullshit about how he's in control of everyone's mind.
The Immunity Challenge finally arrives. It takes like ten minutes for the teams to walk in and then for Laura to be allowed to rejoin her tribe. Shambo makes sure to give her a big welcome back hug, unlike when Shambo returned to the tribe and Laura just stood there. Probst plants the immunity idol in the sand with a ridiculous musical flair and explains the challenge: both tribes will have to paddle a boat out to sea to retrieve six sets of fish-shaped puzzle pieces, then row back to the beach where three tribe members will attempt to solve the puzzle. First tribe to do so wins immunity. Probst makes a point that Shambo, Kelly, and Dave Ball (he actually calls him "Dave Ball" even though there are no other Daves there. I guess everyone calls him "Dave Ball." Everyone I know did. But no one ever called him "Danger Dave Ball") sat out the last challenge so they must participate in this one, even though there has been more than one occasion now where someone got to sit out in back-to-back challenges. Shambo is charged with choosing who to sit out for this challenge, which is tough for her because she just forgot John's name. Of course she did. Monica and Laura are also chosen to sit out. Probst has one more point to address: Mick is not wearing the stupid chief necklace because only Probst thinks stupid game conventions like this have any kind of significance. Mick says the team decided that their chief necklace was unlucky, because why blame yourselves for losing so many challenges when you can pin it on an inanimate object? "But you still have a leader," Probst says seriously, as if that's at all important. Wouldn't it be awesome if both tribes just refused to have a leader? Mick says that yes, he is still the leader. Probst says that this challenge can proceed, then.
Probst says go and the tribes are off. Foa Foa takes the lead by having Natalie and Liz hang out in the boat while the men push it as far out to sea as possible. Probst claims they're "using the height of Jaison," but the water is only like waist-level on Mick. Although I guess that means that Li'l Russell is underwater. Galu tries to follow the rules and row their boat, but they go nowhere and end up copying Foa Foa and jumping out to push it. Well, that's stupid. Way to put the challenge in such shallow water that it's actually faster to push the boat than row it. Both tribes arrive at the first puzzle-piece-retrieval area, where two tribemates must use fishing poles with hooks on the end to catch the sets. Too bad Galu hasn't been doing any fishing to practice for this despite winning that fishing set weeks ago. Liz and Natalie do a great job getting their pieces, keeping Foa Foa in the lead. Shambo tries to cheer Dave Ball on in his fishing, only for him to say "can you be quiet? That'd be great." She doesn't listen though, still saying "you can do it!" while he continues to tell her to shut up. Meanwhile, Foa Foa got all of their puzzle pieces and are making their way back to the beach. "Get on it, both of ya!" Shambo cheers her team. "QUIET!" Dave Ball requests. Galu manages to catch up to Foa Foa by the time both team boats hit the beach, as they have three people paddling and Foa Foa is still trying to swim their canoe back. Also, Jaison has dropped back and isn't helping them with the canoe at all, which Probst makes sure to loudly call out.
Both teams seem to start the puzzle at about the same time. Jaison, Mick, and Liz are doing it for Foa Foa while Kelly, Brett, and Dave Ball do it for Galu. Both teams think the key to solving it is to keep the similarly-colored fish pieces together, but that's just a red herring. Haw haw haw! They key is that the pieces don't all fit together, but leave gaps, so you're looking for a pattern in those gaps. Liz appears to have already figured that out at Foa Foa, only for Galu to realize the same thing just after her, with Brett leading the way. Not like he'll get any airtime for that. Sure enough, Galu solves the puzzle first while Foa Foa isn't even close. Wow, Foa Foa just sucks. At everything! Probst awards the idol to Galu, and Shambo makes sure to give it to Brett, the MVP. Mick doesn't have much to say for his team, but Li'l Russell VOs that "these idiots are probably gonna cost me a million dollars." Well, you could have done the puzzle, but then if you had failed you couldn't have bragged about how smart you are. So you didn't. He says he's starting to think about voting Jaison out because he gave up during the challenge.
I hope you enjoyed the five minutes of Galu you got today, because it's all Foa Foa from here on out! We head back to Foa Foa. Li'l Russell wanders around camp and tells us that Jaison sucked out of the last challenge. "He's sure not gonna be my attorney," he says. Yes, because the mark of a great lawyer is being able to solve fish puzzles. He follows Mick around and asks him how Galu beat them at puzzles when Mick is a doctor and Jaison is a lawyer. I guess because you don't necessarily have to be a genius to solve puzzles? Or to be a lawyer or a doctor, for that matter. And you clearly don't have to be a genius to be a little giant blowhard on this show.
Meanwhile, Liz tries to figure out a way not to be voted out tonight. "Dude, something has to change," she says. Jaison agrees with her. He so wants to go home. He just can't bring himself to actually say it out loud, because that would be embarrassing, as well it should be. "I just don't know how we always lose our lead," Liz says, knowing full well it's because Jaison gave up and probably hoping everyone else in the tribe will make the connection. In an interview, Jaison admits that he was "dead weight" during the challenge and that could get him voted out tonight. He tries not to look too happy about this.
Li'l Russell and Liz walk down to the beach. Liz keeps trying to trash-talk Jaison, but Li'l Russell just talks over her, saying they have two choices tonight: Natalie or Jaison. Liz says she realizes that Jaison gave up during the challenge, but Li'l Russell says it again anyway just to try to make it look like he's the one who figured that out and everyone else fell in line with what he said. Liz interviews that she's more optimistic about the vote tonight since although she and Natalie are "smaller" and "weaker" than the guys, Jaison might be a better choice to vote out. Liz needs to get over this whole women=weak thing that basically destroyed any chance she had to create a powerful women's alliance on her tribe and is probably part of the reason why they're so bad off now. Li'l Russell interviews that the vote tonight is all up to him, of course, and whether he can trust Liz post-merge or if Jaison, who he can trust, will be an asset to the tribe in challenges. Natalie, Mick, and Jaison don't appear to have anything to say about tonight's vote.
Foa Foa arrives at Tribal Council, where Probst goes over "the dismal facts." Hey, remember when he used to rip sucky tribes apart at Tribal Council for losing so much? You know, back when his favorite player of all time wasn't on one of those tribes? Now that Li'l Russell is the second coming of Jesus Christ, we're going to sugarcoat the fact that he can't lead his tribe to a victory to save his life. "One of the worst overall performances of any tribe in the history of the game," Probst sums up with little venom. Compare that to what he used to say to Fang in Gabon after just three challenges, one of which Fang won! Ridiculous. He asks Natalie how the tribe is feeling these days. Natalie says they're trying to stay positive because negativity isn't going to help them. Well, positivity doesn't seem to be helping them much either. Li'l Russell agrees that he wakes up every morning anticipating that this will be the day his tribe's luck turns around. And then he goes off with his walking stick and does 9,134,323,453,246,532 interviews about how awesome he is and how stupid and useless his tribemates are. He says when the merge happens, Foa Foa will outwit Galu. Or rather, he says that he, Li'l Russell, will outwit all of Galu.
Probst asks Liz if she trusts her tribemates going into a merge. She says she does. Probst asks Mick the same question, and he has the same answer, adding that they may have sucked out loud at the challenges in this game, but they still have to play the "social game" going into a merge, and trust will play a huge role in their success there. Probst asks Li'l Russell if this closeness with his tribemates makes it hard to vote one of them out tonight. Li'l Russell says it does, and since this is Tribal Council, they can't cut to an interview of him patting himself on the back for lying to Probst like that. He promises that this game will change once the merge happens. Yes, it will. We will no longer be able to cut to Galu to get away from Li'l Russell for even a minute or two. It will be ALL LI'L RUSSELL ALL THE TIME. I can't wait.
Probst points out that Jaison looks pretty down. He says losing is frustrating, and admits that he played a role in his tribe's loss today. Liz nods. Li'l Russell smirks. Natalie stares blankly. Probst asks if it would be "fair" of his tribe to vote Jaison out tonight based on his performance. Jaison says if the tribe decides that getting rid of him is what they need to do to win, then he hopes they win. He so wants them to vote him out. He hates it out there. I don't blame him, except for the fact that he shouldn't have gone on this show in the first place. With that, it's time to vote.
Liz votes for Jaison. Jaison votes for Liz. Li'l Russell is shown as the last person to vote, even though he's sitting in the middle of the bench and voting order is always determined by where people are sitting from left to right. Which means he didn't actually vote last but the editors want us to think he did because he's just that fucking important. They then show us Probst walking off to get the urn because they were apparently short on footage this week even though they could have, oh I don't know, shown us more of Galu perhaps? I mean, does anyone really want to watch Probst more than an entire tribe, aside from Probst and Probst's mom? Probst returns with the urn. There's one vote for Jaison and the rest are for Liz, so that's it for her. "Good luck, guys," she whispers. Do we really need to see seven shots of Li'l Russell smirking like he had something to do with Liz being voted out tonight? How is everything that happens on this show somehow about him? Liz leaves and Probst says that Foa Foa may "not be very successful at challenges" (a.k.a. SUCK) but "you're gettin' really good at blindsides." Except that was not a blindside. Someone tell Probst what a blindside is. Oh but first -- another shot of Li'l Russell.
week on Survivor: we merge tribes at 12 (when Foa Foa has 4 members) instead of 10 (when Foa Foa would no doubt have only 2) because Li'l Russell needs all the help he can get.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.