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Welcome to a new season of Survivor, this time in Toucancheens, the highlands of Brazil. We've got two tribes of eight contestants each: the red Jalapeño tribe and the black Tempura tribe. Upon de-trucking, Probst forces them to vote out one member of their tribes based on first impressions, and Jalapeno kicks out Sandy the bus driver because she's old and Tempura takes out Sierra the blonde because she looks frail. Which she is, since she's still recovering from strep throat. Sandy and Sierra are very upset indeed until Probst tells them that the only thing they've been voted out of is the four-hour hike to camp. They take a helicopter instead while their tribemates hoof it and grow resentful. At the campsite, Sierra rejects a hidden immunity idol in order to set up camp and win over the people who tried to vote her out, while Sandy decides to look for the idol since there's nothing she can do to change her new tribe's mind about her anyway. In the end, she can't find it because she doesn't know what a "pace" or a "lone palm tree" mean and her efforts to search for it make her appear even more antisocial. At the immunity challenge, though, she proves her worth even though the Jalapeños end up losing because they suck at mazes. It looks like Sandy's a sure bet to get voted out for real, but then a flaky bartender named Carolina opens her mouth and bosses everyone around. Then Taj, the woman from SWV (I am so rooting for her. SWV rules!) warns her to shut up, but it's too late and she's voted out unanimously and much to her (and Sandy's) surprise. And Tempura doesn't do too much this episode except be kooky (naked Mormon Tyson), douchey (a guy who isn't Craig T. Nelson but calls himself Coach and has a silly ponytail), or boring (everyone else). Let's hope things get better from here, since they can't get too much worse.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Probst introduces us to Brazil with a montage of soccer, women's crotches, and cityscapes the imply a bustling nightlife. Then we're off to Tocantins, which has none of those things. A truck drives our sixteen new contestants and Probst to what Probst promises is yet another unforgiving place to set up camp. It's really hot and contestants could be swallowed up in a random wildfire at any moment. And, of course, there are tons of wild animals that the contestants won't encounter but that we'll see repeated shots of throughout the season. Mostly birds and alligators. After the disaster last season that was letting tribes pick themselves, the producers have wisely pre-divided contestants into tribes whose names I can't spell. They've also been made to dress in clothing that matches their tribe colors, which is kind of unfair to the black tribe since black clothing attracts heat. It's also pretty lame and reminds me of the Power Rangers. And it's not going to make any sense by the fourth episode when the tribes are switched or even the second episode when everyone's clothing has turned a uniform shade of mud brown.
Anyway, Probst claims that first impressions are already being made, and we get our first interview from Erinn the hairstylist, who already loves the "tall, spiky-haired" guy because "he just seems like a good guy." I'm sure the fact that he's young and hot has nothing to do with that. And what does the tall, spiky-haired guy think? Well, he's a professional cyclist named Tyson, and he thinks Erinn seems like "the bitch." Ha! I think I like Tyson, too. Over on the red tribe, corporate consultant Stephen is happy to see a "strung-out old lady" on his tribe because it means she'll be the first person voted out instead of him. Um ... does the name Scout Cloud Lee mean anything to you, Stephen? Come to think of it, has an "old lady" been voted out of this show first since "Souna" in the first season? Maybe Wanda in Season 10, if that even counts? Anyway, the strung-out old lady is a bus driver named Sandy, and she thinks Stephen is "like a geek." Sandy looks hard-core. I wouldn't fuck with her. Sierra the model complains that she's sick with bad tonsils but is trying to hide it so no one votes her out because of it. A soccer coach who calls himself "Coach" and is therefore a "Douche" predicts that Sierra will crumble. Meanwhile, he has a ponytail. Probst returns to give his standard speech about these people being from different walks of life and having to adapt and there will be only one Survivor.
After the credits, the truck rolls to a stop and Probst asks if the teams are ready to begin. They are. Probst explains that the truck is loaded with supplies that will make their lives easier. They have sixty seconds to grab as much as they can. The players scramble to strip the truck of anything and everything it has, including a cookware set and a bunch of bananas. No one tries to take the truck itself. I would have. When their time is up, it looks like the contestants have grabbed just about everything. The tribes assemble with their items and Probst asks Douche for his first impressions. Since Douche is saying this in front of everyone and not in a private confessional, he says positive things about how his tribe pulled together well, taking all the water and beans for themselves. Probst turns to the red tribe (I think they're called Jalapeño? Enh, close enough) and rubs it in that they managed to miss both the food and the water. But they got plenty of gourds and hay, from the looks of the pile at their feet, so they're a sure bet to win the Who Can Make The Best Hayride challenge. "We'll be all right. We'll make do," Spencer responds, not looking so sure.
Probst reminds the players that it's hot outside -- over a hundred degrees and it's still early in the day. He tosses maps and compasses to the tribes to find their new campsites and informs them that they're a four-hour walk away. Everyone seems to agree that that sucks, although I'll bet the Jalapeños aren't feeling quite so bad about missing out on the heavy water jugs and bags of beans now. And then things get even worse, as Probst says they're going to have their first vote right now. Each tribe will vote out one member who "is not gonna make this journey." The producers just can't give Douche enough airtime as he interviews that the game is already on and he's looking forward to playing hard. Then he says the titular line about getting rid of the weak players immediately. I hope the fact that he's getting so much camera time already is an indicator of his early departure, preferably in the five minutes.
The contestants are given scraps of paper and pens and vote out in the open. "First impressions go a long way in this game," Prost says. He'd better hope not -- my first impression of Probst way back when was that he was a cheesy hack with little to no talent. He's since proved himself somewhat and my opinion of him has improved. A black man looks nervous, but he shouldn't. In this vote, all black players are safe because no one wants to be the asshole who writes "the black guy" on his scrap of paper. Then it's time to reveal the votes! Mactor 1 voted for "Grammy," a.k.a. Sandy. Mactor 1 is an asshole. You're already voting her off, do you really have to insult her at the same time? I mean, "Grammy?" Sandy's 53, not 85. Dick. Even worse, Probst asks him to clarify who he means. "The older lady," Mactor 1 says. Looking pained, Taj gives Sandy another vote. Taj rules because she was in SWV (Sisters With Voices) back in the day. Then Stephen gets a vote. Ha! Good. But then Spencer gives Sandy a third vote, and she's starting to look really worried. Spencer also knows Sandy's real name even though they aren't supposed to have ever met before. SUSPICIOUS. Carolina also votes for Sandy, with her vote reading "=( The Older Lady =( P.S. I am sorry." Stephen also votes for Sandy. That's five votes, which is the majority. Sandy looks devastated as she takes her place to Probst. He asks her how she feels about this. Not good, Sandy says. "I'm PISSED. I'm SO PISSED!" she says. And she's pretty sure she could've handled the heat better than some of the younger players, who will probably quit. Dude, Sandy better not actually be kicked off already.
Time to reveal who the black tribe, Tempura, voted out. Sierra gets the first two votes, the second, of course, from Douche. The first one came from the Other Blonde in the tribe, who says Sierra just looked really hot on the way over. Sierra opens her mouth in surprise or maybe she's just trying to make extra room to accommodate her increasingly swollen tonsils. Before the voting is even over, she decides to reveal her Shocking Secret of having strep throat. For some reason, Taj drops her jaw in surprise at this. Maybe she, like me, is wondering how Sierra could be so stupid as to reveal something like that that is sure to get her kicked out in three days if she isn't voted out now. Or maybe Taj made out with Sierra on the plane ride over and is now concerned about getting the strep herself. She'd better not! SWV has re-formed, and we need Taj's throat in fine working order. Erinn also votes for Sierra, and like Spencer, she already knows Sierra's name. The vote is for Erinn. Ha ha! Candace's vote is for "blonde girl with jeans and striped shirt," which she says while pointing at Sierra as if there was any doubt. I hope Candace continues to vote like this in the Tribal Councils. Jerry's vote is also for Sierra, so that's it for her. She looks like she's about to cry as she makes her way to Probst. She's more diplomatic than Sandy, saying she had a lot to bring to the team. Then she says she has a 102 degree fever, so not really. Surely, they're all standing there right now thinking "we are so golden to get rid of the girl with the fever who can't do anything and who could have gotten us all sick, too." Guess she didn't do such a great job of hiding her sickness after all, since almost everyone voted for her even though there's a ponytailed douchebag they could have gotten rid of first.
Probst tells Sandy and Sierra not to feel too bad just yet, since when he said the person voted out would not take part in this adventure, he did not mean the adventure of Survivor -- he meant the adventure of the shitty four-hour hike. Yay! That means Sandy's still in it to win it! She and Sierra will get to camp via a helicopter. "Thank you, god!" Sandy says. Might want to tone down the happiness at your tribemate's expense there, Sandy. While the Faux Pas Trumpets play, Probst reminds her that this is a social game, and her tribe clearly hates her and will only resent her more when they're carrying all of the supplies for the four hours. She'll have a lot of work to do in the three days. Sierra isn't smiling, probably because she was a little bit relieved to be out of this game and allowed to suffer through her illness in a nice warm comfy bed. With that, Probst sends the contestants off. He insists on calling the helicopter a "bird," which is lame. By the way, isn't it just a little bit unfair that we didn't get to see how all of the contestants voted? That kind of gives them an advantage, since they don't have to give away who in their tribe they'd get rid of first and thus have been spared the wrath of that person.
The Jalapeños hike. Mactor 2 is holding all of one watermelon. He complains that it's heavy. Taj says she's looking forward to losing her baby weight. A dippy white girl off-camera feels her flava and says "I got you, girl!" Embarrassing. Spencer is a nineteen-year-old student and proud to be the youngest ever contestant on this show. Ugh, why are we letting children on the show now? This isn't The Real World. Lame. Spencer's a big fan of the show, but not of four hour long hikes.
Jalapeño soon gets lost and Mactor 2, whose name is actually JT and is a cattle rancher, steps up to help them out even though squeaky-voiced Carolina was doing such an awesome job of it already with tips like "remember, the compass always face [sic] north!" JT says he's used to hot weather and knows how to catch fish and read maps. He also knows that that makes him a target. Meanwhile, Stephen has somehow managed to rip his pants already. He says he doesn't think he'll get along too well with JT, the good old-fashioned Southern boy. Yeah, Stephen, you could have formed some kind of weak people alliance with Sandy until you pissed her off. Idiot. Stephen describes himself as an "anxious New York Jew." Thanks for casting another stereotype, Survivor. The group sets off again, and bond by making jokes at Sandy's expense, giving her the nickname Psycho Sandy.
Tempura is also having trouble, mostly because they have so many supplies to carry. But they've cleverly managed to use the long poles and rope to construct carrying devices to help them. That doesn't stop Erinn from complaining, though. She says she hasn't done much camping in her life. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? If you don't like being outdoors, don't go on this show, idiot. She and the Other Blonde need to rest, and it looks like Douche, for all his talk about strong contestants, isn't even carrying anything. Brandon asks Jerry what he does to work out, and Jerry says he eats potato chips and sometimes goes to the gym. Then Jerry tells us that he's actually in the National Guard and just returned from serving in Afghanistan. He's used to commanding a hundred men, but knows that his fellow contestants have their own individual minds that haven't been brainwashed by the military so he'll have to be low-key and not try to take charge. Jerry is smart. Douche is not, so he immediately grabs the compass and starts directing everyone to the new camp. In yet another interview, he tells us he's a "Renaissance Man," but I don't think the Renaissance Age had many soccer coaches. Oh, but he's also a conductor of a symphony, who he probably makes call him "Maestro." He pats himself on the back that as a coach, he's a natural leader who can get the best out of everyone. Until they all vote him out for being a douche.
Douche pulls Brandon aside and says he's going to change this game from being about the survival of the weakest to the survival of the Douche, and he wants Brandon to help him with that. Then he drops some history on us, saying that the American Indians, Vikings, Klingons, and Samurai warriors all wanted their opponents to be worthy and strong so they could die with honor or whatever. And those groups are flourishing today, right, Douche? Douche tells Brandon that he might have put himself in danger by letting Brandon know about his plan, but that's how badly he wants to change the game. Does Douche really think that he's included in the list of the physically strongest people out here? Because I'd put JT, Mactor 1, Brandon, Tyson, and possibly even Jerry and Spencer above him. By the way, in his bio he says he's been bitten by a tiger shark, stalked by a jaguar, and bitten by a piranha as if these are things to be proud of and not signs that you're getting way too close to wildlife you have no clue how to handle.
Meanwhile, Brandon shows us that intelligence is just as important in this game as physical strength, if not more so, when he says that Douche's little talk sent up all kinds of red flags, he doesn't trust Douche, and he doesn't want a coach around camp, nor, he thinks, will anyone else. Ha ha! Please don't let me down, Brandon. Get rid of Douche ASAP! With that, Tempura set off again.
Sandy and Sierra helicopter over to their camps. Sandy says she couldn't take in too much of the Brazilian beauty because she was still pissed off that her tribe wanted to vote her out. Well, what did she expect? If you're an older woman on this show, people will perceive you as weak right off the bat, especially if you scowl and bug your eyes out all the time. Sandy takes a moment to get emotional about everything, but not so much so that she can't voice her inner monologue. I have a feeling she's going to be doing that a lot. She's more determined than ever to make it until the end, and says one advantage to being older is that she's also wiser. Yes. We'll see just how wise as the episode goes on.
After the break, Sandy manages to find a clue. The fact that she even found that in the first place is kind of amazing considering how well she does with subsequent clues as the episode goes on. She's seen enough episodes of this show to know that this is a clue to an immunity idol. She reads it super-dramatically, even striking an emotional pose when she reads the part about how her tribe tried to leave her behind. Oh, Sandy. If only you were born a century ago, what an amazing career in silent movies you could have had! Sandy also reads her tribe name as "Jalapeño," commenting "oh, I don't know how to say that, whatever," which is great. Don't buy into the quasi-native tribe names, Sandy! Anyway, the clue says that she can give up on the idol in order to set up camp and show her tribe that she's worthy of keeping around, or look for the idol and save herself at the first tribal council. Sandy immediately chooses the idol, which is probably a good idea. Hell, she's got four hours and the first clue is pretty easy. She probably has plenty of time to do both. But if not, she needs the idol. If they're calling her "Psycho Sandy" already, so she's toast even if she builds them a shelter worthy of Gilligan's Island. Sandy gets to digging.
Over at the Tempura campsite, Sierra touches down. She says she's still hurt that her tribe considered her to be a weakness even though she really shouldn't be since she's sick and has a fever and is weak. It's not like they all kicked her out for being old. Sierra can get healthier. Sandy can't get younger. Sierra finds the clue and decides not to bother with the idol and to make the shelter instead. She says people might think it's a stupid idea to give up the idol, but she wants to change her tribemates' minds. She figures that the idol can only save her once, whereas redemption could save her many more times than that.
Jalapeño finally arrives at their new campsite. Waiting for them is Sandy and no shelter whatsoever. And Sandy does not have the idol. Epic fail there, Sandy. How did she not find the idol in four hours? Or at least give up after one hour and start building something so her tribe wouldn't think she sat around the entire time? She classily hides the clue in her bra and greets her tribemates with friendly hugs. Taj just wants to know "why isn't our house built?" Carolina interviews the same. As for Sandy, she interviews that her tribe acted all nice and happy to see her, but she knows they're fake because they just tried to vote her out. And she knows they'll try to do it again at the Tribal Council. Sandy attempts to win her tribe over with humor, telling them her idea of Jalapeño as their new tribe name. They don't seem to find it as funny as I did, though. Maybe they don't want to laugh too much because they have to save their energy to build an entire shelter. Sandy's eyes bug out as she tells us that she's hoping for one tribal council where everyone writes her name down and she tricks them all by revealing the hidden idol. That will be fun and all, but you're kind of screwed at the Tribal Council when you don't have an idol.
The sun has gone down by the time Tempura arrive at their campsite (great job navigating, Douche), so they're very happy to see a shelter waiting for them and very impressed with Sierra's building skills. She tells the tribe that she probably would have voted for herself, too, but now that the tribe knows she was sick and not weak, she hopes that'll change their minds. Guess not, since Douche immediately interviews that Sierra is really nice and worked hard and everything, but they voted her out as a tribe and bonded together against her, so that's the way he thinks it'll stay, since the strong must survive. Yeah, Sierra just built an entire shelter with a 102 degree fever. That's pretty strong. But since she isn't a big, strong man with gym muscles, I guess it doesn't matter.
The morning, Jalapeño gets to work on their new shelter. All except for Sandy, who's sitting around not helping at all. Carolina thinks she's helping by suggesting that they try to make chairs out of their shelter supplies. "Do you think that's gonna be worth it?" Blonde asks. Carolina then suggests that they get the shelter built as soon as possible so they can relax. JT just laughs, because duh. And because he's the one building the shelter this whole time while Carolina relaxes. Carolina interviews that she's very vocal about her opinions and hopes her tribe understands how important shelter is. Idiot. Of course they do! You're the one who wants a chair!
Meanwhile, Sandy announces her intention to take a dump and walks off. She tells us that she cleverly bought herself a few minutes to look for the idol. And isolate herself from her tribe again. But anyway, this time on the beach she finds the stick that was mentioned in the clue. She's not completely stupid to have overlooked it yesterday, since I saw her digging to a different stick that they must have put there to make things more difficult. Sure enough, she tearfully digs up another clue telling her to walk ten paces towards "the lone palm tree" and then dig. Sounds simple enough to me, but not so fast - "I wonder what a pace is?" Sandy says. Uh oh.
Back at camp, the Jalapeños notice that Sandy's been gone a while now. They don't seem to mind too much, although one guy notes that she's being antisocial. Hear that hammering sound, Sandy? It's the nails in your coffin.
Meanwhile, Sandy has managed to figure out that a pace is a footstep, but that won't help her the least little bit since she isn't walking towards the lone palm tree. It would appear that she doesn't know what "lone" or "palm tree" mean, either. How did Sandy even manage to audition for this show? Wouldn't she have had to figure out where the open auditions were being held or how to use a video camera?
Tempura's out of water on Day 2. They probably sweated out just as many fluids in the effort to carry those jugs to camp as they got from the extra drinking water. Sierra, the Other Blonde (named Debbie), and Tyson head down to get some more water from their lake. Once they arrive, Tyson decides that it's a good idea to strip naked for no reason in front of two women he barely knows. This kind of thing would make me feel uncomfortable, but the blondes just laugh while semi-averting their eyes. Tyson interviews that since he's from Utah, people might expect him to be all buttoned up and straight-laced with "nerdy glasses," but he's not the "stereotypical Mormon." Actually, he kind of is. Every Mormon I've ever seen on a reality show has been kooky and trying way too hard. And since when did the stereotypical Mormon have bad eyesight? Tyson continues that he's a free spirit. Free spirits don't feel the need to show off. Tyson says he thinks making people laugh will help him in this game, which he wants to win so he can have furs and rings and "a tiara. A man-tiara." Okay, I kind of like him again. His hands full of water jug, Tyson does the crazy naked guy shuffle back to the beach. I see Douche has arrived to see the show at this point as well. Of course.
Challenge time! The tribes arrive and are greeted by Probst, who gets right down to the rules. Six members of each tribe must race across the beach and over sand hills into the water, where they'll retrieve a raft of "puzzle planks." They must get the raft to shore, untie the planks, and run them back to the starting point, where the two non-racing members of the tribe will assemble a staircase with the planks. Each plank has a different set of holes, so only one fits each step. Once they've built their staircase, the entire tribe runs up and two members must navigate a peg through a maze. The first tribe to complete the maze wins. The Jalapeño flag is raised in the example footage, which means they lose. The winning tribe gets fire and the immunity idol, which has a cool pre-Columbian Indian art design to it. Unfortunately, it then becomes the victim of a cheesy idol-wipe.
Taj and Sandy are building the stairs for Jalapeño, while Sierra and Erinn are doing it for Tempura. Probst says go, and the tribes get to running. Probst stupidly says contestants are allowed to "run, jump, fly" over the sand hills. I'm pretty sure the laws of physics and human anatomy prevent them from that last suggestion, Probst. JT reaches the raft first, but it doesn't mean a thing since the entire tribe has to touch it before they're allowed to bring it back to shore. Both teams start back at about the same time, with Carolina having trouble moving through the water. If only Jalapeño had some chairs back at camp, she could have been properly rested for such strenuous activity. Watching her struggle to walk makes me really miss Crystal from last season.
The teams make it back to shore, untie their planks, and start carrying them back. While Tyson carries three all by himself, I see that Douche needs help from Jerry to carry his planks back. How strong of him. Carolina and blonde Cindy struggle with their planks and need help from the menfolk. Tempura gets their planks back first, and Sierra celebrates by bending over and exposing herself to the camera crew. Looks like we're going to get a lot of blur action from her until (if) she gets voted out. Jalapeño soon starts their staircase, and now it's Sandy's time to shine. Somehow, she can't figure out how to find an idol or a lone palm tree, but she is awesome at puzzle stairs. She and Taj organize the team, calling out for the exact planks they need, while Erinn and Sierra take things slow and not-so-steady. Jalapeño is well ahead by the time their stairs are done.
Cindy and Spencer start the maze and have trouble working together to move the peg. Tempura soon finish their stairs and Erinn and Brandon start the maze. They do a much better job with the peg and soon take the lead. And then, they're done. Tempura wins, which sucks because there's no way Sandy is surviving tribal council and there's no way she found the idol, either. Damn.
The loser Jalapeños return to camp. Carolina interviews that it sucks that they lost and have to vote Sandy out, but she also thinks they can learn something from this that will help them. She goes swimming with Taj, Stephen, and Sandy and complains that Jalapeño never finishes any of their "little projects." Wait, what? It's day three! What's she expecting? Bob? That's last season, sweetheart. Taj sets Carolina straight, saying that they can't finish everything at once when they're dehydrated and hungry. Meanwhile, Stephen almost drowns himself in two feet of water. As Mactor 1, Joe, looks on, Carolina keeps talking about all the work they should be doing. Taj interviews that as soon as they returned to camp after losing their first challenge, Carolina started in on them saying they need to "clean up." "Clean up the outdoors? Are you kidding me?" she says.
After everyone else leaves except Sandy, Taj, and Carolina, Taj informs Carolina that she has a tendency to get whiny and should calm down because she's causing tension. Carolina says she "totally agrees." That doesn't mean she actually gets it, as she keeps on whining and causing tension. In an interview, Carolina says she took Taj's advice to heart and knows that she has a tendency to "get opinionated." She says she'll be more careful in the future to hold back.
But it might be too late for that, as Spencer and Cindy go off to get water and discuss voting Carolina out instead of Sandy. Yay! Spencer rightly points out that Sandy did a great job on the stairs and deserves to stay. Spencer interviews that his first impression of Sandy was wrong and he doesn't want that to be the basis of his vote tonight. I have a feeling Spencer might be too nice and naïve for his own good. Joe seems to agree, as he walks up and tells the others about how "Carolyn" got all bossy and blamey as soon as they returned from the challenge. This rubs JT the wrong way, and he says she can finish stuff herself if it's that important to her. Joe interviews that he's not sure who will be less useful in challenges and worse for camp morale between Sandy and "Carolyn." He thinks Carolina's bossiness is going to get old. Does Sandy have a chance here? I doubt it, but it's nice of the editors to try to make us think so.
While Joe randomly collects leaves nearby, Carolina apologizes to Sandy for hurting her feelings when she wrote her name down in the beginning of the game. Then, showing that she still has no concept of the things she says or how she comes across, Carolina says "I just wish we didn't lose so you didn't have to home." You can see on Sandy's face exactly when she realizes what Carolina just said to her and considers tearing her head off and eating it. But she stays in control and says if she goes tonight, "that's just the way it is." Sandy interviews that she hopes she'll make it through the vote tonight, but doesn't have much hope. She goes off to search for the idol again, this time digging under a tree that is neither ten paces from the stick nor a palm. Sigh.
Jalapeño arrive at Tribal Council. Probst glares at them before giving his fire equals life speech. They sit, and he opens by asking Sandy how she felt about being voted out by her tribe five minutes into the game for being too old. Sandy repeats that she was pissed. Probst turns to JT and asks him how the tribe felt after getting stuck with the person they thought they voted out and then her getting a free ride to camp. JT says they didn't know what to expect, but hoped that Sandy would be waiting for them with at least some firewood.
Probst asks Cindy if she also expected Sandy to have done some work at camp before the rest of the tribe arrived. Cindy doesn't really answer the question, just saying that Sandy was very friendly when they arrived, but the day isolated herself and went off on walks and didn't do much around camp. Sandy claims that she needed the time to collect her idol thoughts so she could be nothing be positive back at camp. Probst again reminds Sandy that her tribe thinks she's an old lady (as if Probst himself isn't closer to Sandy's age than he is to anyone else in that tribe) and asks if she made an effort to change that. Sandy says no, since she's an old lady no matter what. She just wanted to show them that there's room for an old lady in the tribe and they can all be her children. The rest of the tribe laugh uncomfortably. "Sandy, you a little crazy?" Probst asks. That's an unfair question. Sandy replies that she's a "lot crazy" and used to people reacting to her as such. "I don't know why, but I like it," she claims. She didn't like it when it got her voted out.
We still aren't done talking about Sandy, as Probst turns to Carolina and asks her if it's fair to vote Sandy out for being old. When you're voting based on first impressions and there's nothing else to go by, I'd say it is. Carolina just says it isn't fair, but it is "smart." And Carolina doesn't appear to have done many smart things in her life, so she should be proud of this one. Probst asks her what she thinks people's first impressions of her were. "I'm very boisterous," Sandy says, confusing "boisterous" with "bossy." She admits to being opinionated and perhaps too demanding. And perhaps sometimes her "directness" comes across as whiny. It's not the directness, Carolina. It's your voice. Take it down an octave, please. Carolina says she should check herself before she wrecks herself. Spencer nods hugely.
With that, it's time to vote. There's no way Sandy's going to survive this. We only see Carolina's vote for Sandy and Sandy's vote for Carolina, so it's a blow-out. By the way, Sandy awesomely wrote "sorry" on her vote for Carolina just like Carolina wrote on her first vote for Sandy. And she put it in quotation marks so it looks sarcastic. Love it!
Probst returns with the urn. He doesn't ask if anyone has an idol she'd like to play, so I guess Sandy didn't find it after all. Nice knowing you, Sandy. The first vote is Carolina's vote for Sandy. Then Sandy's vote for Carolina. And then ... a second vote for Carolina! Sandy can't believe it. Carolina is not pleased. Then there's a third vote for Carolina! Sandy looks all proud of herself, as if she somehow managed to win her tribe over after all and this isn't because Carolina is just that much more annoying than she is. Carolina gets a fourth vote, and she knows where this is going. She gets a fifth and final vote, and she's the first one out of the game. She must have been really, really, really annoying. But she takes her voting out well in her exit speech, so that's a point in her favor.
The tribe doesn't have much time to mourn Carolina before Probst gives them some flint and they're all thrilled and Carolina is forgotten. Kind of a boring first episode, but hopefully week we'll see more of the other people playing this game and less of Sandy (I like her, but this isn't The Sandy Show) and nothing of Douche.
Who has a good shot at winning? We weigh the odds.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she has something to complain about. Or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.