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Despite what Probst wants us to think in the "previously on" segment, Fang is not the worst tribe that ever played this game. Far from it -- they win both the reward and immunity challenges, with Crystal finally getting a chance to show off her athletic ability and GC giving up halfway through just like he did last week. They send Sugar to Exile, where she promptly finds the immunity idol, making us think she might actually be intelligent, and then tells Ace she has it, showing us that she is not. When it comes time to vote the first member of Kota out, Paloma and Ace are on the chopping block. Adorable Paloma because she's small and considered weak and Ace because he's a prat and no one likes him except Sugar and she doesn't even have a real name. Meanwhile, the Marcus-Charlie-Jacquie-Corinne alliance gets its fifth member in Bob. At Tribal Council, various members of Kota join Paloma in criticizing Ace and it looks like he'll be going home and taking his fading fake accent with him, but in the end, Paloma is sent packing.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Probst has gone crazy in the "previously on" segment. I think he caught malaria when he was in Africa, because he is hallucinating a very different version of last week's episode than the one I watched. He craps all over the Fang tribe, calling them "one of the worst tribes in Survivor history" and claiming that Michelle was "one of their best athletes." And he says Fang "selected" G.C. to be their tribe leader when we all know Probst forced it on them. Then he claims that it was "out of character" for Fang to make a unified decision when they voted out Gillian, even though the vote for Michelle was just as unified! Probst is turning into a cranky old man. I don't like it.
Fang returns to camp, its members happy to still be in the game. Crystal says that by voting out Gillian, they got rid of a "major physical weak link." Meanwhile, Crystal was just as bad at climbing a hill as Gillian was, and she's half her age and supposedly a gold medalist. The tribe enjoys a dinner of rice and says they have to win tomorrow. Meanwhile, Randy does what he does best: glare at everyone and then talk shit behind their backs. This time, he's pulling a Michelle and saying his tribe is stupid and he doesn't think he can win in a tribe of "complete idiots." Right. Because Randy's the president of MENSA.
Oh look! It's a baby hippo! So cute. Morning comes for Fang and Randy is still on board the complain-train. He says it's only day seven and the bucket of rice is half empty. You know, Randy, a more optimistic person would call it half full. Randy blames this on whomever in his tribe decided they should eat three meals a day. Apparently there were no cameras around for him to talk shit to, so he's forced to actually say something negative in front of his tribe: if they don't start conserving the rice, they'll run out and be in serious trouble. He suggests cutting down to two meals a day from now on as a compromise. Everyone in the tribe agrees with this well-thought-out plan presented in a conciliatory and reasonable manner -- except G.C.. He claims that since "other people" made too much food in the beginning, to the point where he was actually throwing out uneaten rice (which is so stupid there's just nothing I can say about it. Throwing out food? When you're starving and only going to be more starving as the days go by? Good lord), he shouldn't be made to suffer by cutting back on food now that they're running low. Randy calls G.C. a "cancer" in their tribe, but even cancer knows better than to throw out rice instead of keeping it for later.
With a mouth full of rice because it's not fair that he should cut back on his rice because other people apparently forced him to throw out uneaten food, G.C. confronts Randy. He asks Randy if he's trying to be the tribe leader now. Randy says no. G.C. says it sure seems like Randy's making a play for the leader position that doesn't even exist. "You sure are jumpy about it," says G.C., who has got to be the jumpiest guy in the world. You know what's jumpy? When Gillian tells the entire tribe to be quiet in the morning so she can sleep and you assume she's addressing you specifically and then quit your stupid leadership role over it. Meanwhile, Randy is looking not at all jumpy as he reclines in the hut. Randy again says he doesn't want to be the leader and tells G.C. to "drop it." Of course, G.C. has to get all pissy about Randy "ordering" him to do something and says he's allowed to ask Randy a question if he wants to. Randy says he can ignore him, then. Meanwhile, Dan observes but doesn't try to break up the fight and then complains to us that his tribe isn't unified.
Over at Kota, Marcus the Magnificent catches a fish. He holds it aloft so all can gaze upon it and cheer before handing it off to Squire Charlie. Charlie tells us the State of the Kota Union: he, Marcus, Jacquie, and Corinne are in an alliance. Kelly and Paloma seem to be good friends, and "Sugar is attached to Ace." As for Bob, he's sitting in his underwear chopping something and I don't need to see a bulge on a 57-year-old physics teacher. I just don't. Charlie thinks they can get Bob to vote with his alliance, but he's worried that Bob, Kelly, Paloma, Ace, and Sugar will figure out that the four of them have an alliance and will band together to vote them out. Not too worried, though, as he's pretty sure that the other five don't get along well enough to work with each other. Which is a very good point.
Sure enough, Kelly and Paloma are talking about how much they hate Ace. And Sugar and Ace are watching them from the huts and have figured out that Kelly and Paloma are off trying to plot against them. Sugar stupidly thinks that they don't have to worry about alliances forming and plotting yet. Even Sugar doesn't know why she's with Ace, telling us "for some reason, me and Ace decided we had some kind of connection." She then tells us she trusts Ace to "take care of [her] as much as he can." Right. I think the bag of sugar in my pantry is smarter than Sugar right now. At least it can look out for itself.
Corinne reads the latest treemail: it's a reward challenge for "comfort." Corinne cheers at the prospect of getting bedding, but Ace the Prat totally drops his "accent" and says that they should focus on the immunity challenge rather than the reward. Paloma protests that they should try to win every challenge. Ace agrees, but thinks they should sit the "stronger" people out for this challenge so they'll have them for the immunity challenge. "I can live without bedding but I'd rather not go to Tribal," he says. And his accent is completely gone. Ha! I was right. It was fake. Did he really think he could keep it going for 39 days? He didn't even make it past six! Even I could do better than that, although we'll never know for sure since I don't put on fake accents because I want people to think I'm all smart and sophisticated. The tribe agrees with Ace, and Paloma says it seems like everyone is bowing down to him. I think it's more like they hate him as much as you do, but are much better at concealing that for strategic purposes.
The tribes arrive at the challenge, and Corinne is way too shocked to see that Gillian was voted out last night. Like, she almost had a heart attack. Probst explains the reward challenge. It's a brutal physical challenge with many opportunities to injure and be injured. I thought they learned their lesson last season about things like this, but clearly they did not. One tribe member hugs a pole. Two people from the opposing tribe have to physically pry him off the pole and drag him across a dirt field and over a line. The first tribe to do so gets a point and first team with two points wins pillows, bedding, and a hammock and gets to send a member of the losing tribe to Exile. With that, Probst says the challenge requires a specific number of men and women (although we never really find out why) and tells Fang to sit out one man and Kota to sit out three women. Ken sits out for Fang while Corinne, Jacquie, and Kelly sit out for Kota.
We begin with Marcus and Charlie going after an intense-looking Dan while Matty and G.C. will be taking on a yawning Ace. Probst notes Ace's yawn with a "you're that relaxed?" Yeah, well, Probst, you're the one talking about how hopeless and doomed to lose Fang is every possible second, so it's no wonder. Plus, Ace is a prat. Although ... should I really call him that? It's an English term, so he probably won't know what it means. The first round starts, and as the attackers run towards the poles, Probst cries out "it's gonna be good and physical!" Yeah, it's "good" until one of the best contestants in the game has to leave because of an injury and that throws his entire tribe off and then freaking Parvati wins a million dollars. While Marcus and Charlie work together to pry Dan off the pole, G.C. and Matty have a terrible strategy of trying to remove one of Ace's limbs at a time. They get an arm off and go for a leg, and Ace just puts his arm right back. Matty would probably like to tell G.C. hold Ace's arms back so he can't put them back around the pole, but he knows that G.C. would then accuse Matty of telling him what to do and quit. Charlie -- who must be having the time of his life right now -- and Marcus get Dan off the pole and start dragging/pushing him towards the finish line while G.C. and Matty continue to struggle with Ace, who has a really annoying "ho hum, is this the best they can do? I'm sooo bored" expression on his face. Matty and G.C. manage to get both of Ace's arms off the pole, and Probst lectures G.C. by telling him to "dig deeper," which would have been better advice during the last challenge, when he was supposed to dig but took a nap instead. As Charlie and Marcus are just about to get Dan across the line, G.C. takes yet another freaking break in the middle of a challenge. God, he sucks. He so does. If Fang does win this thing, which I'm starting to doubt, I hope they tell him he can't have any pillows. Kota gets Dan across the line and scores a point while Fang looks on, already defeated.
Before the second round starts, Ace tells Paloma she should hug the pole instead of Sugar. "Okay," she nods, even though she told us she wasn't going to bow down to Ace like everyone else. For round two, Bob and Sugar will be trying to remove Susie while Randy and Crystal will be going for Paloma. Um ... huh? Shouldn't it be two women going after one woman? Why the co-ed? My guess is that was how it was supposed to be, but then Fang lost two women so they didn't have enough. Bad news for everyone: Randy took his shirt off. Probst begins the match and then announces that it looks "uneven," because if Fang should happen to win, it's only because it was "uneven." Shut up, Probst. Crystal and Randy get Paloma off the pole easily while Susie clings to it with her child-bearing hips. Paloma struggles like anything not to be dragged across the line, and Randy yells at her, saying "you're done!" With an angry war cry from Crystal, they get her across and Fang gets a point.
For the last round, we have Dan and Ace back at the poles while Matty and Crystal and Marcus and Bob will be the attackers. That means it's finally Crystal's chance to show us why she won that gold medal! Probst starts things off by putting Fang down yet again, saying Kota doesn't want Fang to know what victory tastes like while Fang is "desperate" for their first win. Shut up, Probst. Kota seems to have the edge in the beginning, as they get Dan off the pole while Ace's legs are still wrapped around his. But he's not yawning and rolling his eyes this time, is he? Dan manages to get an arm back around his pole as Crystal and Matty get Ace completely off of his. Ace tries to escape and run back to the pole, so Matty jumps on top of him, leaving Crystal to drag both men -- which she does, no problem. Yeah, Crystal! She's an athlete after all! Meanwhile, Dan screams to Crystal that he can't hold on much longer. For a scary second, Ace almost breaks free from Crystal and Matty right before they get him across, but then he yawns or something and can't do it. Matty uses the material of Ace's jeans (Dan, smartly, took his pants off for this challenge, probably for this very reason) as a handle and drags him across the line. Fang wins! Take that, Probst! They are all ecstatic except for G.C., who tells Probst he cannot tell him who did or did not win. G.C. will decide that on his own, and no one can stop him.
Probst gets the teams back on the mats and notes that this was an emotional win for Crystal. She sobs that she had to fight like a warrior, but it was worth it. True that -- she and Dan rocked this challenge, while Ace got beaten by a girl. Ha ha ha! Prat. Fang decides to send Sugar to Exile "Island." Sugar says she knew they'd pick her because they think she's stupid. Whoa -- they didn't say you were stupid. Thou doth protest too much. "But they haven't talked to me yet," Sugar says, as if listening to her giggle and say things like "this is really Africa!" and "Ace will take care of me!" would give someone the impression that she had a brain, or even a tiny nub of a brain stem. Probst sends Sugar and Kota away and gives Fang an insincere "nice job" as they pick up their reward.
There's a stampede of African cattle -- look out, Mustafa! -- and then we're back at Camp Fang, where the mood has lightened considerably. Crystal tells us that it felt good to win, and even better to see Kota suffer the pain of losing and have to "walk away with [their] heads down." Crystal has to walk with her head down a lot, lest she take off the top of the doorframe, or a bridge. Matty says Fang finally felt like a team while Dan tells them how awesome it was when he was about to lose it and called out for Crystal's help and she came through. Randy's take on that moment is that Dan said "come on, bitch! Come on, bitch!" Dan did not say that, because, unlike Randy, Dan has respect for women and is a generally pleasant person.
Back at Kota, Ace is spinning their loss as a "strategic withdrawal" and says "we moved our forces back in perfect retreat." Ace, this is Survivor, not Conquest of the Roman Empire. Bob looks on the bright side and says that now they'll have their strongest women for the immunity challenge. Marcus says one of Fang's strongest players is a girl and Paloma says she "didn't stand a chance." I think she could have stayed on the pole for a much longer time if she went up against G.C. instead of Crystal. Paloma tells us that "Crystal, which is on their team, is huge." And Paloma, which is on Kota, isn't good at grammar. Paloma says that's especially evident compared to her, as she's "the shortest person alive." Whatever you say, Madge. Paloma continues that she didn't have a chance against Crystal (notice how no one mentions the awesome sheer power that isn't Randy) and finds it "weird" that Ace put her on the pole instead of Sugar. Yeah, he set you up to fail and you let him. That's more stupid on your part than weird on his.
Elsewhere, Marcus seems to agree, saying that they should have put Kelly in instead of Paloma. Ace says Paloma "had" to go in. Marcus says they could have put Paloma on the puzzle or something; she wouldn't necessarily have been a liability in the immunity challenge. "She basically just sealed her fate, so ... " Corinne says, seemingly out of nowhere. Ace feels the need to point out that Sugar did well, which is surprising. I didn't think Ace was capable of thinking about anyone except himself. Maybe Sugar is not a horrible judge of character after all and is onto something when she says Ace will take care of her. Marcus says they're "stuck" with Paloma for now. Huh. It seems that everyone on Kota hates Paloma out of nowhere. Ace tells us Paloma "gave up" during the challenge. Apparently he can't tell the difference between G.C. and Paloma. Ace says Paloma's "contract of death" has been signed with her poor performance.
Over at Exile "Island," we're meant to think a herd of elephants is nearby. One of the elephants is about to take a tremendous shit, by the way. It's got its tail up and ass sticking out. Nature! Sugar gets to the gourds and immediately picks the clue. She tells us comfort would have been "nice," but ultimately "really stupid," so again she is proving to be smarter than I thought. She reads the clue and whips out a map, and clearly on the map there's an X that says "clue 2" on it. Where did that come from? Did Dan have that map? Why would they give anyone a map that basically tells you where the clue is? And if they gave Dan the same map, why in the world was he looking in the lake for the clue?
And thus begins Sugar's Odyssey. She walks through "the jungle" which is, like, three trees and a cutaway shot of animals that probably aren't in the same hemisphere. Seriously, I'm pretty sure those monkeys are at the L.A. Zoo. Sugar does manage to find some wildlife in the form of ants, which promptly bite her while an elephant looks on judgmentally. Shut up, elephant. Some of us don't have skin that's ten inches thick, okay? Sugar narrates that she's not much of a camper and doesn't like to be dirty. Well then, she is definitely on the right show! Sugar checks out the map again and decides she's gone too far. "This time, I've gone to far," she says dramatically. Hey, looks like Sugar's got a personality! And it's appealing!
Oh, wait a minute. Now we rapidly switch gears from light-hearted jungle mishaps to Sugar sobbing over the recent death of her father. Way to kill the mood, editor. Sugar's dad died seven months ago and it's still so painful that she has a hard time even saying her dad is dead. So I'm sure it felt great for her to watch herself talking about it when this episode aired. Sugar thinks this game will help her become stronger and get through this hard patch in her life. I think telling people to address you by your real name and not Sugar might go a long way towards that, too. It's cool when people take you seriously. Amazingly, Sugar finds the sandy crater that Dan couldn't even come close to. She sets about searching the huge place for the clue and finds it! I am officially impressed. I won't even think less of her when she wonders if this is a clue or some kind of joke as she unwraps the burlap. The clue tells her to look for "one tree hill" and "climb for salvation's sake." Quick, before Chad Michael Murray tries to marry you!
Sugar finds a hill with a tree on top of it. She climbs it and finds the clue, and tells us her confidence in herself is building. Meanwhile, Dan's has got to be plummeting as he watches this. He couldn't even find the first clue, and this giggling "pin-up model" has found two of them so far. Sugar looks for her clue in "yonder creek." Meanwhile, her outfit has changed like six times since she's been at Exile. I don't know how that's even possible since she only has one set of clothes, but sometimes she's wearing the leopard print top and sometimes it's the buff and sometimes it's just her bra. And she changed hairstyles a couple times, too. Sugar finds the third clue and talks to the statue at the gourd table, asking him for help, because this whole thing is so easy for Sugar that she can afford to take a comedy break. The third clue tells Sugar to wade in the water, which she isn't too thrilled about. But she's still in good enough spirits to make up a song about it:
Wade in the Water
lyrics and music by Sugar
(I'm gonna have to)
wade in the water!
Short, but sweet. With a new hairstyle and the leopard print tank back on, Sugar looks for a body of water with a tree sticking out of it. She finds a tree in a swampy area that seems to fit the bill, but is nervous about wading through the water because it could have "giant lizards" in it. I believe they're called crocodiles, Sugar. And you should be more afraid of the stuff in the water that you can't see. Like typhoid. The editors cut to a shot of the tiniest baby crocodile which probably couldn't do much to Sugar even if it was in the water at the same time as her, which it isn't. Sugar changes her top and hair again and gets in the water, screaming as she enters, which won't attract hungry predators to the area or anything, I'm sure. She makes it to the tree, where she finds ... the idol! She starts crying, but recovers quickly to brag about how she found the idol and the lawyer didn't. Then she laughs at him, and she has every right to. She says her dad has been with her this whole time, helping her. "He's here," she says, putting her hand on her heart. Okay, fine, Survivor! You've won me over. I like Sugar.
Back at Camp Kota, the water is boiling and Bob says that Sugar and Paloma are "at the bottom" of the tribe. Yeah, um ... Bob? You're 57, and looking older every day. Might not want to target people for being weak. Bob says he knows Ace likes Sugar. Ace says he likes her personality, but more importantly, he likes that she's loyal (how does he know?) and that means they can trust her more than most of the others in the tribe. "They" who, Ace? The alliance you think you have with Bob? Meanwhile, Bob and his white chicken legs tell us that he knows what Ace is doing -- he's rallying to get rid of Paloma because he needs to keep Sugar with him as long as possible. Bob says this worries him.
So while Ace thinks he's got the game in the bag, Bob goes running to Corinne and says Ace is making him nervous with his talk about bringing Sugar to the end. You know what's not that scary, especially when you're in single digits of days out here? Two-person alliances. Chill out, Bob. Corinne's loving this, because the more nervous Ace makes Bob, the less likely it is that Bob will try to form an alliance with Kelly, Paloma, Ace, and Sugar. Corinne says Ace is trying to bring Sugar to the end because she's "weak." As for her, she says she can get Marcus, Charlie, and Jacquie to vote with her and Bob. "There's five of us. We can pick whoever we want," she says. Corinne tells us that she thinks Bob's the kind of person who responds well to "bold, confident moves." You mean like when Ace boldly and confidently told him he wanted to keep Sugar with him as long as possible? Yeah, he responded really well to that. Corinne says she laid the plan out for him and that's that. She then says that none of them wants to take Bob to the end, but right now they need him for numbers. Meanwhile, Bob is terrified of Ace and Sugar's two-person alliance but is not one bit concerned about Marcus, Charlie, Jacquie, and Corinne's four-person alliance. I'm pretty sure there's a physics equation out there that can show how stupid that is.
And it's time for the immunity challenge! Treemail comes with swimsuits. I see one of them is a leopard print. I wonder whose that could be? Kota is happy to get their swimsuits, and Kelly lets out a "YAYYY!" Marcus says the upcoming challenge is the most important one they've had so far, which isn't saying much since they've only had three. Four if you count the race for the immunity idol/corn and beans. He says Fang is coming off a victory, which means when Kota wins, they'll crush them even harder than before. Which is why they totally lost the reward challenge on purpose. Yeah ... perfect retreat ...
The tribes arrive at the challenge course, and Probst brings Sugar in. She's so happy to see her tribe she cries and hugs Kelly while Fang looks on, totally disgusted. Someone says Sugar was gone for a long time. "I know!" she says, then turns to Probst and makes an angry face at him while she shakes her fist. Probst finds this adorable because someone on Kota did it. He takes back the idol and explains the challenge. Each contestant will slide down a "slippery slide" (a.k.a. Slip 'N Slide) into a lake, swim to a number tile, and bring it back. Once all six tiles have been collected, the seventh tribe member will unwrap them and use them to solve a puzzle. The answer is the combination to a box. Inside the box is an axe the contestant will use to cut a rope, raising his team flag and winning. The challenge explanation footage optimistically wants us to think Fang will be the winner, which is nice of them. With that, Kota chooses to sit Paloma and Sugar out.
Bob and Ken have been chosen to solve the puzzle. That should be an interesting match-up. The race starts. Kelly and Crystal go first, with Crystal falling hard on the slide. My tailbone hurts just looking at it. While Kelly has to swim for the first piece, Crystal is tall enough to run along the bottom of the lake for hers. And guys? The lake is FIFTY FEET DEEP. Think about it. Crystal's first out of the water and this time she has no trouble running up the hill. But Susie is , and even though Corinne has some trouble sliding down the Slip 'N Slide, getting caught at the end, she quickly catches up to Susie and takes the lead up the hill. Then it's Charlie, followed by G.C. Even though Charlie has a decent lead to start, G.C. does not give up. It's like I'm watching a different show!
Marcus is the last to head out for Kota. As he slides, Charlie cheers him on. Meanwhile, Dan makes his way back with the fifth tile and Matty zips down the slide. Bob gets the tiles first, and increases his head start by getting them unwrapped pretty quickly while Ken struggles with his. And here's the "math problem" they have to solve: "the sum of both end values equals the sum of the middle two, the last is equal to the second minus the third and is one less than its only neighbor." UGH. That sucks. I'm usually pretty good with puzzles like these, but I'm also not starving with unwashed hair in the middle of a high-pressure competition. So it's completely understandable that both Bob and Ken struggle quite a bit with this. On the other hand, I'm sure Eliza would have solved it in 1.3 seconds. Bob is the first to think he's solved it, but it's wrong. Ken does the same thing. Probst is bored, so he tells the players to read the clues again and make sure they aren't putting a comma where it doesn't belong. Bob re-reads the clue and a light bulb goes off over his head. "Bob thinks he might have figured it out, suddenly," Probst says. Yeah, I wonder how that happened? Shut up, Probst. You're pissing me off this season. Ken and Bob both think they've got a solution a second time. But Bob's chest doesn't unlock ... and Ken's does! Sitting on the bench, Paloma and Sugar can't believe their eyes. Ken chops the rope and Fang wins. Ken is so happy that he jumps on top of Matty and the rest of Fang celebrates in front of Bob, who's still standing at the puzzle table, trying to figure out how he lost to a videogame nerd. He is going to get made fun of hardcore in the teacher's lounge for this. It's so weird to see Randy with a smile on his face.
Probst has to eat his words and congratulate Fang on their back-to-back wins. You know, at this time last week when Kota had just two wins, Probst was berating Fang and saying they were hopeless and terrible. "This game is changing," is all he can bring himself to say now. He sends Kota away and asks Fang if they'll miss him tonight at Tribal Council. Probst, oh my god. They've only been to two Tribal Councils. Plenty of tribes in this game -- really good ones, even! -- have lost twice in a row. Get over it.
Back at Camp LOSE, Sugar tells the tribe about Exile. Unlike Dan, she's forthcoming with the information about how you have to choose between comfort and clue and says she chose clue, but the clues were really hard and she must have "read it wrong" because she didn't get it. Giggle giggle. Everyone immediately believes her and doesn't bother asking to search her bag for an idol, and she tells us she thinks she played it off pretty well. "I'm not too bad at this (giggle giggle). I'm a lot better than I thought, for sure," Sugar says. Why would you come on this show if you thought you were going to suck?
And speaking of suck, Sugar goes off in a canoe with Ace and tells him she found the idol. NOOOOOO! Why did she do that? I was so impressed with her and liked her and now it's all gone. Ace says "their" idol will "set [them] up." "We're very happy!" Sugar says. No no no! Not "we" -- YOU. YOU found the idol. It's YOUR idol and it can only help YOUR game. Don't you dare give it to Ace! Ace tells us that he's happy that Sugar got the idol, because now they'll somehow dominate the game. He does know that you can only use it once, and it can't give two people immunity at the same time, right? And that the immunity idol has, historically, done more harm than good? With that, Ace tells Sugar that Paloma is going home tonight, and Kelly will be going after her. Ace says he's ready for the best part of his day -- "the dismissal of Little Miss Paloma." God, I can't wait for his boot. I can't wait. I hope it's before the jury, too, so I won't have to see him ever again or hear his fake accent during his jury speech which will probably be about Roman soldiers.
While Paloma stands alone on the dock, seemingly unaware of what's going on, Ace goes for a swim with Charlie, Jacquie, and Corinne. They all agree to "stick to the plan" and vote Paloma off. Meanwhile, Paloma tells us that "strategically," she's like one of the wild animals out here -- "I just watch ... just watch. And then I'm gonna prounce on someone and eat 'em up." Prounce. Yes. Hmm. I don't have high hopes for Paloma here. With that, a spider prounces on a beetle that the film crew probably stuck in its web.
Paloma tells Corinne that Ace has made alliances with everyone on Kota. "He has?" Corinne says, alarmed; "He hasn't said a word to me." Paloma says Ace hasn't said anything to her either, but that's to be expected since he doesn't like her. He even set her up by putting her on the pole instead of Sugar, because he wants to keep Sugar in the game at his side. "Ace is pretty much running the game," Paloma says. Corinne nods, but I can't tell if she's seriously thinking about this or just humoring Paloma. Paloma tells us that she says what she needs to say "really fast to like get people to think and get their brains going and make them like all crazy and like thinky." I'm pretty sure she said "thinky," but my closed captioning said "thinking," so maybe she's not completely stupid. Then again ... "prounce." Paloma says Ace might be "strong as an ox" while she is "weak as a mouse," but she can get the vote to go her way if she convinces everyone that Ace should go as soon as possible. But there's no way they're going to boot Ace this early in the game when they need his physical strength, especially not after losing two challenges. Paloma would do better to convince them to take out Sugar, I think. Corinne says she'll see what she can find out about Ace.
Paloma's words have had an effect, as Corinne tells us she doesn't like or trust Ace and wants him out sooner rather than later -- definitely before the merge. She talks to Charlie about Paloma and says she believes that Ace set Paloma up in the reward challenge to lose. Yes, Corinne and Charlie, yes! Think about how you could be lying on pillows and blankets right now if Ace hadn't thrown the challenge to suit his own selfish needs. That's not the kind of person you need on your team, right? Corinne says Ace is a problem and needs to go before the merge. "You're smart!" Charlie says. She is, isn't she?
Charlie tells us that getting rid of Paloma now has the short-term benefit of keeping their team as strong as possible. But they definitely want to get rid of Ace, too, because he has Sugar in his pocket. Corinne tells Charlie that they have to trust that their five-person alliance is solid, no matter what because Ace has Sugar, and thinks he can make her do whatever he wants. Corinne says they can get rid of Paloma anytime, but they need to get rid of Ace before the merge. So she's not sure who to vote for tonight. She adds that she dislikes so many people on her tribe that it's hard to pick just one. Heh.
Kota walks into Tribal and gets their torches. "Finally, we get a chance to talk," Probst says. Again, it was only two immunity challenges. Just two! How quickly we forget the Palau season, when Probst only saw Koror when they were forced to vote someone out. Corinne speaks first and says it's important that as many people vote for the same person as possible so that there will be little dissent in the group. Probst goes to Ace and asks him if Corinne isn't being too optimistic about this. Ace says that this early in the game, it's important to vote in a way that will keep the tribe strong.
With that, Probst asks Sugar how she made it through being alone on Exile so early in the game. This gets the tears flowing as Sugar says she thought about her dead dad. And ... is that Corinne rolling her eyes? That is cold. "It's gotta be tough," Probst says, smirking. Yeah, he feels your pain. Probst asks Marcus about how to play to immunity idol. Marcus says if Sugar does have it, she's playing it the right way by pretending she doesn't. He says he'd probably do the same thing. Probst keeps with Marcus, asking him who on the tribe jumped out at him as "interesting." Marcus says Ace, who shrugs his shoulders so hard it causes a musical flourish. Marcus keeps it diplomatic, saying he and Ace work well together and have "similar ideas."
Probst goes to Paloma for her opinion on Ace. "Ace is like the head honcho," she immediately says, while Ace shakes his head and blinks out another musical flourish. "He can be the big guy all he wants," Paloma says, while behind her, Marcus and Ace shoot each other condescending looks. You know what? I don't think I like Marcus after all. He might be an arrogant bastard. "I really could care less, but, I mean, as far as I'm concerned I'm not even gonna go there," Paloma says. I'm not sure what she's talking about. Perhaps ... this is prouncing? "You're not even gonna go where?" Probst asks, similarly confused. Paloma explains that she won't worship Ace like other people seem to.
Probst asks Ace if this surprises him. "Not particularly," he says, attempting to get his fake accent back to charm Probst. He says he and Paloma definitely rub each other the wrong way. Yeah, well, she might be your only chance not to get picked off by the onion alliance, so you might want to get over it. Probst asks Kelly if Ace is an asset to the tribe. Kelly's ears prounced at the end of Probst's question, so she didn't hear "-et to the tribe." At least, that's my explanation for why she says Ace is an asset because he's "almost condescending in a way." That's because the only other explanation: Kelly doesn't know what "asset" means. Probst tries to help out, asking her how being condescending is a good thing and hoping Kelly will try to use context clues to figure out what asset means. She doesn't. While everyone else on the tribe (as well as, probably, Probst) tries not to laugh, Kelly keeps on going, saying that being condescending is not a good thing because sometimes Ace tells them they should get water instead of make rice.
Probst asks Ace if hearing two people say negative things about him is worrisome. "Of course," Ace says. Paloma points out that Ace didn't bring his bag with him, so he can't be too worried. "There's nothing I really wanted to take from camp," Ace says, with this amazing sneering smile on his face that's just barely covering his rage. Probst asks a stupid question about if Ace and Paloma could have been siblings in another life. Uh, no. You see, siblings bicker but underneath that they love each other. Ace and Paloma hate each other. "Maybe. In another world. A thousand years from now. When I'm DEAD," Paloma says. Probst is shocked at her level of bitterness and can only say "wow." With that, it's time to vote.
Paloma votes for Ace. Ace votes for Paloma, saying this is for the strength of the tribe and "best of luck." He can't really mean that, but I think it was decent of him to say it. I have a feeling he didn't know how much Paloma hated him before Tribal. Probably because he loves himself so much that he can't conceive of anyone else not feeling the same way.
Probst comes back with the urn. He asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol. Sugar says nothing. It would be amazing if the onion alliance surprise voted her off, but I doubt it. I also doubt Ace will be going home tonight, since the editing has made it look like that's very possible. Damn. I want him to go go go! Please! The first vote is for Paloma. Second vote is for Ace. And then ... the third vote is for Ace. YES! YES!!!! Ace is shocked. Paloma licks her lips and gets ready to prounce while Corinne looks satisfied with herself. YES!!! Good-bye Ace, you prat! And then the fourth vote is for Paloma. Noooo ... her face positively falls. Okay, maybe that second vote for Paloma was from Sugar. Yeah, that's what happened. Ace is history! And the fifth vote ... is for Paloma. Oh, shit. Paloma gets a fourth vote, and she looks like she's about to cry. Meanwhile, Ace grins. Ugh. Paloma gets a fifth vote, and she's out. Damn it. Probst extinguishes her torch and you can see Charlie make a sad face behind her. Kelly, who probably cast Ace's second vote, looks sad. But Marcus grins like an asshole and pretends to wipe a tear from his eye and seems to exchange a look with Ace. Ew. Marcus was actually more obnoxious than Ace. What a dick. Probst finishes up by saying that Fang has momentum now, and it's up to Kota to get it back. And that's it. He doesn't yell at them or force them to vote for a leader or say they're in denial or anything like he did when Fang went to their first Tribal Council. Shut up, Probst.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she has something to complain about. Or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com, especially if you know where she can get a really nice HDTV for cheap.
If you want Probst to shut up as well, talk about it in our forums. And get our initial take on the contestants here.