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Upon returning from tribal council, Jason tells us that he wants to be in a different tribe. He gets his wishes at the reward challenge, where Probst tells everyone to drop their buffs. Ozzy and Natalie become team captains of Malakal and Airai ,respectively, and choose their teams. Ozzy's new team consists of Joel, Amanda, Erik, Ami, Tracy, Cirie, and Chet, while Natalie has James, Alexis, Jonathan, Jason, Parvati, Kathy, and Eliza. For the reward challenge, two teammates are bound to each other and sent onto an obstacle course full of danger and doom to chase a bound pair from the other team and try to grab a flag attached to their backs. This probably seemed like a really cool challenge idea in theory, but in practice, it's kind of a disaster as everyone gets hurt, most notably Jonathan, who somehow gets stabbed in the knee and ends up needing Survivor medics for a hard-to-watch stitching session. The contest comes down to Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter and Chet chasing Eliza and Parvati, and Joel drags Chet around the course without giving him a chance to get his footing, which makes him look like a giant asshole and gives Airai an unlikely win. The reward is a delicious feast, although they unfortunately have to bring it back to the crappy Airai camp, which the Favorites set about building new shelters for. And at the Malakal camp, Amanda somehow manages to kill a freaking shark, which was crazy. At the immunity challenge, contestants throw rocks at tiles to break them and release puzzle pieces that will be assembled correctly on a giant game board. Even though Airai fall behind, they quickly come back to win it, thanks to Eliza's solving abilities and Joel's insistence on countering Chet's leadership to make him look bad. Joel heads back to camp ready to rack up the votes against Chet, which Ozzy, Amanda, and Erik seem happy to provide. But then there's Cirie, who rightly senses that if Chet goes, she'll be . She teams up with Tracy and tries to convince Ozzy and Amanda to vote for Joel, but it doesn't look good. Shockingly (or at least, I was shocked. I thought Chet was a goner for sure!), it's Joel who gets the boot with SIX of eight votes, and he storms off while Cirie and Tracy exchange well-earned triumphant smiles. Animal murder, injuries, and delicious scheming -- a very satisfying episode indeed! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
So I thought my substitute recapping was over, but then Miss Alli threw down her recap immunity idol, leaving me with no choice but to do this week's as well. I actually tried to throw down my recap immunity idol first, but it turns out it was a fake one that Miss Alli created and planted when she found the real one on TWoP Exile Island. You guys, it was really embarrassing. I mean, the fake idol didn't look that good but I just figured that was because Wing Chun was really bad at carving or something. I guess I should have known.
Anyway! The "Fans" return to camp, where Jason sulks around the fire and tells us he thought his tribe would make the "right" decision, but they didn't. I think they did. Mikey was annoying. Then again, I'm not starving and I don't need Mikey's physical strength to help me win food reward challenges. Also, I brush my hair. So Jason and I are very different. It soon becomes morning, and Jason is still at the campfire, seemingly glaring at Chet. Jason tells us they'll probably just keep on losing now. Yes, unlike when they had Mikey on their team and they won all the time. Except...they didn't. "The tribe I'm in is not the tribe I want to be in," Jason sighs. Well, I'm sure there's nothing he can do about that. Meanwhile, Chet and Tracy take a victory stroll. Emboldened with a little too much confidence, Chet mutters that he wants Jason out . "I can't wait to see him go. Sorry, dude," says the guy who just the night before was being all Negative Nancy and saying he thought he was going home and didn't do a whole lot to change that.
Hey! When did the show start removing eliminated contestants from the opening credits? That is harsh!
Over at the "Fans" tribe, it's Day 12 for the contestants and Day Zero for Charlie the Rooster. "Everybody's all excited to eat Charlie the Chicken," Cirie tells us from behind a bunch of leaves. They couldn't have removed that bush from the shot? It's taking up more of the frame than Cirie is! Cirie, of course, won't be participating in the chicken slaughter. She thinks it's gross and even though she works in surgery, "I don't want to see a dead bloody chicken flapping everywhere." Well, I'm going to assume the kind of surgery she does does not involve decapitating patients, but who knows? They just said she was a nurse; they didn't say she was a good nurse. James and Ami put Charlie on a stump and then Ozzy does the dirty work, which we don't get to see because PETA would shed some really loud protest tears about it. Not like I want to see a dead chicken anyway. Unless it's fried and ON MY PLATE! Oh!!! We cut to Eliza and then the rest of the tribe reacting with some PETA-pleasing "poor Charlie's" while their mouths water.
Ozzy takes advantage of the excitement to hide his immunity idol in some rocks. Then he scampers off, congratulating himself on an idol well-hidden. Man, I don't know. Why can't he just keep it in his bag? Or is he afraid someone would go through his stuff and steal it? Are they even allowed to do that? If they find it in his hiding place, can they then steal it for themselves? I'm not up to speed on the idol-possession laws here. Ozzy says he won't show anyone the idol, but he will tell a select few about it. First up is James, and the two exchange manly celebratory back slaps. Then he goes to Parvati and Amanda and says, sounding, like, ten years old: "don't tell anyone, but I told James but I found the idol!" The girls giggle in delight. Why is Ozzy telling anyone this? Seriously, why? And why would they be happy? The idol doesn't prevent them from being voted off, so why would they care? If anything, wouldn't they be bummed that it meant they now couldn't get the idol? Amanda tells Ozzy she's "so proud of him," then tells us that the idol is "in our little four-clique and I think it's going to stay in our little four-clique, so we're like the powerhouse right now." Again, I have no idea why Ozzy having the idol changes anything for the other three.
And here come the winds of change, followed by the rain clouds of change, as we head to the reward challenge. The "Favorites" are surprised to see Mikey gone from the "Fans," and even more surprised when Probst tells them it's time for a tribe switch. Eliza looks happy. James and Ozzy are not, with Ozzy swearing so much that his mouth becomes a blur. Okay, so, if Ozzy winds up in the other tribe but the idol is still at the Malakal camp, what does that mean? Does he lose the idol? Will the producers bring it to the new camp along with the rest of his stuff? It's a moot point anyway, as the players select rocks from a bag (with Probst admonishing some of them not to look when picking) to select team captains and Ozzy gets the captain rock, so he'll stay with Malakal. Natalie (whoever she is -- has she spoken at all yet?) gets the captain rock for Airai.
Ozzy and Natalie take their places and the picking begins. Natalie picks James, even though he hilariously tries to look inconspicuous, shrinking down to hide in the back of his tribe. Yeah, not going to happen, James. He's pissed. Ozzy picks Troy. There is no Troy. Ozzy must realize that his new tribe is better off with an invisible person than any of the "Fans." They figure out that he meant the Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter, who's so happy to be picked first that he doesn't care if Ozzy knows his name or not. James picks Alexis, even though he can pick any of the Fans, male or female (I think -- I didn't hear Probst say they had to pick opposite genders, and Ozzy did just pick a guy himself). Joel picks Amanda over Jonathan, probably not without some prodding from Ozzy. Alexis picks Jonathan, who slips on his way over to his new tribe and asks if she's sure about her choice. Amanda picks Erik. Jonathan picks Jason, even though he doesn't know his name. Erik picks Ami. Jason picks "Poverty," who is insulted that he doesn't know her name. And you'd think that a "Fan" like Jason would know how to pronounce past contestants' names, wouldn't you? I mean, she made it to the Final Five, like, two seasons ago. Ami loves a strong woman, so she picks Tracy. Parvati picks "KB" a.k.a. Kathy a.k.a. Kathleen, apologizing to Chet for leaving him for last. He doesn't seem to mind. Tracy picks Cirie, leaving Eliza. By default, Eliza goes to Airai and Chet goes to Malakal, much to Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter's dismay. "Oh my god," he mutters, not that quietly. As for Chet, he just says, "Chetty's here, Chetty's here!" which wouldn't give me too much confidence in my new tribe mate, honestly. The tribes get new buffs, and Erik takes a second to savor the smell of fresh clean things. And now it's time for the reward challenge!
The teams will split up into pairs that are tied together at the waist. One pair will then chase a pair from the other team through an obstacle course made out of pointy sticks, broken glass, and evil, trying to grab a flag of the running team's back. If the chasing team gets the flag in under a minute, they get a point. If they don't get the flag, the running team gets the point. The teams will take turns chasing and running, and the first team to get three points wins an awesome barbecue of steak, sausage, vegetables, spices, and wine. The contestants are so delighted that they all clap stupidly and wave their arms around. Well, they're starving. I'll give them that. There will also be no Exile Island.
After the teams figure out their pairs and Malakal wins a Rock, Paper, Scissors match that, knowing the brutality that comes afterwards, may well have been played with actual rocks, paper, and scissors, the game begins! Malakal wisely choose to start as the Chasers, and Erik and Ozzy will chase Kathy and Natalie. It's no contest, as Kathy has trouble getting under a branch and Ozzy catches her and grabs her flag. So, clearly, it's harder to be a runner than a chaser. And Malakal got to be chasers first, so they should be able to win this thing no problem. up, Parvati and Eliza chase Chet and Joel. Um...whose brilliant idea was it to pair those two up? I mean, damn. Joel looks especially caveman-y as he hulks his way through the course with Chet behind him, pulling on the rope that ties them together to make their combined movements easier. The girls chase them through the course, and, unbelievably, Eliza manages to leap over a branch and grab the flag off of Chet's back. Go Eliza! Her team is thrilled, but Probst sees that not all is well in Airai land -- Parvati banged her face on a branch and now has a fat lip! And that's our first indication that this reward challenge is a horror show. ["I'm telling you, Eliza is an interesting bird. She seems goofy, but then she does these sort of cool things." -- Miss Alli]
Our indication comes when Ami and Amanda chase James and Jason, and Ami jumps over a branch-fence thing and hurts herself so badly that her mouth goes blurry. She recovers slowly, and it looks like the new Airai have this point won for sure...until something amazing happens. Like, amazing. And hilarious! James and Jason are running to each other, and they decide they're ahead enough to fool around and show everyone the Looney Tunes impression they've been working on. They run past a tree, with James on one side and Jason on the other. So, of course, as soon as the rope between them hits the tree, Jason gets pulled back and spun around, smacking his face on the tree. Which looked painful, but also really funny. I watched this episode with my roommate and then when I went back two days later to watch it again for the recap, I laughed my ass off and my roommate called from the other room, "you must be watching the part where that guy gets his ass kicked by a tree." And then he ran to the living room to watch it again with me and we rewound it like ten times. But it's not over yet, as James makes the situation worse by running around the tree to free them, but instead wraps them around it even more. Ami and Amanda come upon the scene, and although James shoves Jason into Amanda to knock her over, the injured Ami is able to get the flag. She limps back to her team, still in some obvious pain.
up are Alexis and Jonathan against Cirie and Tracy. If Cirie and Tracy can outrun Airai, they'll win. But...come on. Jonathan leads, with Alexis doing her best not to get them caught up in anything. Cirie and Tracy do a good job of staying together, but when they have trouble sliding under a branch, Jonathan and Alexis are able to catch up. Jonathan grabs for Cirie's flag and she fights him off, which gives Alexis the chance to take it herself. Airai is happy, but when Jonathan goes back the waiting area, his knee is bleeding. Probst recaps the rather significant injury tally, and why hasn't this carnage been stopped? This was such a bad, bad idea for a challenge. Just call the whole thing off and split the barbecue amongst all the contestants. And then fire the people who had the idea for this death pit massacre.
For the game point, Chet and Joel will be chasing Eliza and Parvati. The chase begins, and the girls do a good job of staying away from Joel and Chet. But then Joel dives over a branch and just misses their flag. They run away, and Chet, his rope suddenly tugged by Joel's dive, goes FLYING over a branch. Ouch. That looked painful. And not funny-painful like Jason. Joel just keeps running, and Chet tries to get up, but since his teammate won't give him one freaking second to do that, he keeps slipping. Joel just drags him all over the course and pounds his fists in rage (no, really. He really did this) that Chet won't, like, be dragged faster. At one point Joel pulls Chet's head into a branch. Chet's dazed, so Joel grabs the rope and keeps dragging him around. It's just brutal. I really didn't hate Joel before -- I thought he was an arrogant loudmouth lunkhead who couldn't back up the game he talked, but I didn't HATE him -- but now I do. He's a freaking bully and a nasty piece of work. What if he had been paired up with a woman? Would he have dragged her around like that, too? I bet he would. And a baby. And a puppy! Chet is finally able to get to his feet, but it's too late -- Eliza and Parvati keep their flags intact and Airai wins the challenge. They're thrilled. Malakal, of course, is not, especially Ami, who might have given up her knee for this challenge. And then there's this pathetic exchange between Joel and Chet: "I hit my head back there." "I don't care." "I know." Can you guess who said what? Anyway, Eliza gets hugs from James, who just last week thought she was useless and should have been voted out. Now she helped him get steak, so, HA!
Malakal returns, empty-handed, to their camp, and the "Favorites" show the "Fans" around. Chet's concussion probably means he's seeing six chickens instead of three, so he's doubly thrilled. Joel tells Cirie that he's still "decompressing" from losing the challenge, and that losing is "where [his] temper gets to [him]." Yeah, no shit, Ensherlock Man. Although most people learn to control themselves by the time they've developed male pattern baldness. "Maybe this is poetic justice in some form," Joel tells us; "because I chose to get rid of Mikey versus Chet." Ha! You didn't choose anything -- Tracy chose for you. And you still don't know it.
The "Fans" love Malakal's cave, with Erik astutely noting that it's "all dry here...it's ridiculously dry here!" I wonder if he looks at his ice cream sometimes and remarks about how cold it is. Ridiculously cold! Then Erik kind of endears himself to me by dorking out and telling us that he's thrilled to be on this new tribe with the "Favorites." "I got to meet Ozzy today!" he squees. At least he, unlike Jason, is an actual fan of the show. The rest of the "Fans" ooh and aah over Malakal's camp compared to their pathetic former home. Ozzy tries to make everyone feel better by saying that while it sucks to lose the challenge, they definitely have the better beach. He does not add that it also has an immunity idol, although I don't know why not. He seems to think telling people about his idol is an awesome idea. Ozzy tells us that they have everything they need to be a strong tribe -- maybe even too much. Like Chet, who Ozzy thinks "gave up" during the challenge and was "like a sack of potatoes." I don't agree with this, but I wasn't there and Ozzy was, so who knows? "He needs to go," Ozzy says. Meanwhile, Chet is with the chickens. He tells us that he's had chickens his whole life and he knows all there is to know about them. Except, apparently, how to make them lay eggs already. Because they haven't. Chet says chickens have a literal pecking order, and will peck the weakest one until it dies. He thinks this game is very similar. Not exactly -- sometimes, in this game, the chickens keep the weakest one around until the end of the game because they know they can win the million dollar prize against him. Sometimes all the weak chickens get together and gain up on the chicken that thinks it's the awesomest and kick its ass out of the game before it can even get to the jury. By the way, I love how Chet's graphic calls him a "pageant coach" when that's just a hobby of his and his real, actual job, according to his bio on the site, says he does something with pharmaceuticals.
Over at Airai, the "Favorites" are horrified to see the mess of a camp the "Fans" have "built." Eliza is shocked that they're just sleeping on the sandy beach, which is full of little biting insects. Which is why everyone always makes their shelters on raised platforms. Those sand bugs are, like, torture. They bite and bite and bite, so you can't sleep at all. It's better to sleep on a hard, uneven bamboo floor than the softer sand full of merciless biting bugs. Also, the platform reduces the number of rat encounters. Reduces -- not totally eliminate. "The Airai camp is pretty much a disaster," Eliza tells us. They try to cook their reward, but Eliza notes that the fire pit is too close to the incoming tide. "At Malakal, we had everything. And here, we pretty much have nothing," Eliza says as the camera pans to a mess of pointy sticks that passes for a shelter. I wonder if that's where the challenge people got the idea for that reward challenge obstacle course.
And sure enough, the tide comes in while they're cooking and puts the fire out. Wow. They've been there for twelve days and they STILL haven't figured out how to put a fire in a place where the freaking tide -- which comes in and out TWICE EACH DAY -- won't extinguish it? They so suck. James agrees: "the set-up they were living in, it was terrible. The waters are washing away the fire, you know, I'm amazed that they're still alive, the poor things. They should be dead! I mean, they're a bunch of dingbats." Ha! I kind of love James, even if he keeps thinking people are going to/should die. I guess that kind of thinking is what helped his gravedigging business prosper.
Jonathan tells us that he somehow punctured (!!!) his knee on something in the obstacle course (my guess is a sharp stick in the mud when he was crawling under the branch to grab Cirie's flag, but who knows with that reward challenge? It may well have been tiny evil men throwing poison-tipped spears). He says other people were injured as well, and we see that Parvati's fat lip has become a morbidly obese lip. She must have hit that branch really hard. As the camera weirdly shifts into night vision, the Survivor medics show up, to apparently treat Jonathan in the dark. With needles. And no flashlights as far as I can see. Hmm … I wonder if they moonlight as reward challenge planners. One of them shoots Jonathan up with a local numbing agent, which they have to inject right into the injured site. So it HURTS. I 've had my toe numbed up like that (infected from an ingrown toenail...SEXY!!!) and it was excruciating. Like, to the point where I wondered if removing the nail without anesthetic wouldn't have hurt less. So I don't doubt that Jonathan is having a horrible time of it right now. We get to see the wound, up close and personal, and it is truly a big ol' hole in Jonathan's knee. Deep, too. The medics wash it out and stitch it up while sad, ominous music plays. Jonathan tells us that they gave him three stitches and a warning that the wound could get infected, which would be very bad. "Let's hope it doesn't get worse!" Jonathan says. Okay, I will. ["I almost passed out watching that sequence, dude. Needles into flesh...(thud)." -- Miss Alli]
After the break, Ozzy ably catches some tiny fish that don't appear to have too much meat on them while Erik watches from the raft in awe. He tells us that "Ozzy is amazing." Erik has a man-crush! Who will Ozzy choose? Whose hair is prettier; Amanda's or Erik's? "I can't compete with him; he's amazing," Erik finishes. Oh, well, then I guess you shouldn't even try. Just sit back and let everyone else play the game.
And that's exactly what Erik does as Joel talks to Ozzy about the future of the tribe. Ozzy says he thinks they need to get rid of the person who is holding them back from being a strong tribe, which is Chet, of course. Joel thinks he's a wise negotiator as he says that if the "Favorites" are willing to vote Cirie out , he'll vote Chet out now. Because I'm sure the "Favorites" will be perfectly happy to give up their advantageous numbers purely out of honor to an Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter. Erik tells us that the conversation between Ozzy and Joel was like "two superpowers kind of discussing terms." Uh...no, Erik. It wasn't. It was one doofus letting his hatred of his teammate seriously cloud his judgment, assuming he had any of that to begin with. As soon as Chet is gone, the "Favorites" will outnumber the "Fans" and be able to pick them off, one by one. Joel sort of realizes this and brings it up whilst picking at his shoulder. The conversation ends with Ozzy and Joel saying that they need to figure out a way they can trust each other before Joel decides to vote out Chet. Joel then tells us that even though they're all one tribe, it's still Fans vs. Favorites, and the only way to get an advantage is for either the Favorites to get a Fan on their side or vice versa. He realizes this, and yet...
Back at Airai, the "Favorites" school the "Fans" in proper shelter-location-choosing and building. They find a spot away from the beach and in the shade. Alexis, who the graphic says is a "motivational speaker" tells us -- okay, wait. Motivational speaker? Really? What could she possibly tell me? "You CAN get out of college and you CAN get a job telling people that they CAN get a job! Self-esteem, y'all!!!" What a joke. Anyway, she motivates that it was great having the "Favorites" around to tell them what to do, because they clearly have no ability to do anything right for themselves. While "it's all coming together now!" music plays, we see everyone working together to build a shelter. Alexis tells James how happy she is to have new people on her beach. Don't come off too desperate and pathetic now, Alexis. Oh, too late.
A shark swims in the ocean and then, apparently, right up onto the Malakal beach as it heard rumors of how awesome it was. Unfortunately, it swam a little too close to Amanda, WHO FREAKING KILLED IT WITH HER BARE HANDS!!! What!!! I'm not even sure how she managed to pull this off, as the cameras didn't see fit to capture the moment (nice job, there, guys), but I guess the shark swam into their net and got trapped and then Amanda, like, killed it. Go, Amanda! Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter guesses the shark is thirty or forty pounds, and while I wouldn't give it that much, it's still big. Certainly bigger than the menacing-looking freshwater eel I once ran screaming away from when wading in a stream. Ozzy is really impressed and tells us that Amanda "wrestled a four-foot shark by herself." Again, it's a little bit smaller than that and I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't just dead on the beach already and Amanda found it there and told everyone she killed it (it kind of looks like it was sitting on the beach for a while before Amanda found it), but I'm still impressed. Ozzy says shark-wrestling is "pretty attractive to a guy like me." I'm sure Amanda's gorgeous face and body have nothing to do with that attraction at all. The tribe cook and eat their shark and say they are now ready to win the challenge. "Oh my god!" Erik sing-songs, probably because he just saw Ozzy do something really awesome.
Immunity Challenge time! This week, there are four tiles hanging on some ropes. Hanging from those tiles are some square puzzle pieces. Four tribe members have to throw rocks to break the tiles, releasing the puzzle pieces. Once all the tiles have been broken, they'll drag the pieces in and give them to three tribemates, who will assemble the large puzzle under the guidance of the remaining tribe member, who has a seat overlooking the board. The trick to the puzzle is that each piece has different colors on it, and the colors on all of the sides have to match that of the pieces to them. The tribes figure out where everyone's going and we see that Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter, Tracy, Erik, and Ozzy will be throwing for Malakal, while James, Jason, Alexis, and Jonathan will be throwing for Airai. Chet and Eliza have been selected as the puzzle-solvers for each team.
Malakal starts off well, with both Ozzy and Tracy breaking tiles. Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter, however, totally sucks. Ha ha ha! His throw isn't even close. Over at Airai, Jonathan gets one tile while James breaks one only halfway, which means it doesn't release the pieces and will have to be broken again. Oh, that sucks. And, actually, that's exactly what Jonathan tells Probst. Erik breaks another tile for Malakal, which means everyone except Joel on that team has broken a tile. Joel misses another tile. Ha ha ha! Over at Airai, James half-breaks another tile. What is he doing wrong? Jason manages to break a tile for reals, but Erik gets Malakal's last tile and the team drags their pieces in. Chet starts telling them where to put the pieces, while Jonathan hits one of the broken tiles but still doesn't completely break it. "I mean, MY ASS!!!!" he screams. That was great. James cracks up, but Probst sternly tells them to "stop bitching and start throwing." Ugh, Probst is such a teacher today.
Jonathan breaks one of the half-broken tiles on his turn. Jason manages to get the last one, and Eliza cheers them on, saying the other team isn't close and they can still win. We see that, while Malakal has all of their pieces on the board, they can't get all the colors to match up. Chet directs them from above, but I can't tell how well he's doing. Meanwhile, Eliza takes control, giving her team specific instructions on where to put the pieces. Indeed, she seems to be looking at what the puzzle is supposed to look like when finished rather than just throwing all the pieces down and seeing what matches up and hoping for the best. And then the Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter decides it's time for him to take charge because he hates Chet that much. Jonathan also coaches from the sidelines, telling Eliza to look for the "big picture" and a "bigger pattern" on the board. Oddly enough, he does not seem to think it wise to convey this information by bossing people around and undermining Eliza. Chet tells Cirie to move a piece, but Joel tells her that it's right and should stay. Cirie isn't sure whom to follow. Meanwhile, Airai solves their puzzle. Probst comes over and checks it out and indeed pronounces them the winners. They all jump up and down cheering, especially Eliza, who even gets another hug from James! Eliza kicked ass this week. Probst hands the immunity idol to her and tells Malakal he'll see them tonight.
The stupid Sprint player of the week commercial has Cirie as one of its candidates even though she's done nothing all episode. She wouldn't even cut the chicken's head off and she works in surgery! But there's fifteen minutes left, so...thanks for spoiling that, Sprint.
Malakal returns to camp, and Joel is the first to tell us that he's really disappointed in his team and hates losing. Then look in a fucking mirror, Joel. He thinks the only way for the team to start winning is to get rid of Chet. He tells Erik this, and Erik agrees. They both want Chet gone and screw the numbers. "This game is a game for strong people," Joel says. Yeah, because look at all those powerhouses who have won in the past. There have been some for sure, but there have been a lot more who got voted out, and early. This show has proven, time and time again, that it takes more than muscle to win this game. You'd think a "fan" would know that.
Joel continues to dazzle us with his charm as he says he's never encountered someone in his life who was so "spineless." "It's almost like he's a wet rag or a ball of goo. There's absolutely zero honor whatsoever in keeping somebody like that on our team." Except for last week, when that's exactly what you did. "If you went back to medieval times, I think we'd kill him ourselves," Joel finishes. Honestly, I really wonder how much of Joel's disgust with Chet is about Chet being "weak" and how much is about Chet being gay. The "spineless" and "wet rag" comments make me suspect this, as well as Joel's really personal-seeming disgust with Chet specifically. I mean, Kathy is just as weak and I never saw Joel say anything about her. While Chet suns himself on the raft, Joel tells Ozzy he wants to vote Chet out tonight. He makes some stupid card playing metaphor to justify this, but I don't care. Ozzy, of course, thinks this is a great idea.
Erik talks to Amanda and Cirie and asks if they're voting Chet out tonight. Amanda agrees with this, saying they should make their team as strong (and, I suspect, "Fan"-free) as possible. Cirie doesn't say much, but the wheels are turning in her head. She tells us that she doesn't mind getting rid of the "weaker" players -- except that she knows they consider her to be weak as well. I think it's time for her to earn that Sprint player of the week nomination! She goes to the woods with Chet and Tracy. Chet tells her that he blames Joel for today's loss, smartly noting that Joel didn't trust the three -- Cirie included -- to solve the puzzle and barked out orders from the sidelines. "Let's take his ass out," Tracy says, getting right down to it. Oh, I hope they can make this happen. Please please please!
So while Ozzy is getting coconuts on the beach and Amanda is cheering him on while resting up her shark-wrangling arms, Cirie walks up and puts forth the idea of voting Joel out before Chet. They don't seem to be going for it at first, with Ozzy saying that with Chet out, they'll have Joel's (useless thus far) strength to win challenges. Cirie points out that Joel hasn't shown himself to be very good in challenges. Today he couldn't even hit one tile. Even Tracy hit a tile! And then he screwed them all up in the puzzle. "He's still a mover and a shaker," Ozzy says, less convinced. Cirie says that's another argument to get rid of him -- he's trying to play the game. Chet isn't. They can use Chet however they want. "That's true. That makes sense," Ozzy says.
Ozzy tells us that while Chet is a "waste of space" in the challenges, Joel wants to win this game, which makes him dangerous. "It's a hard decision," Ozzy says. I'm thinking that the editors are doing their best to make this seem suspenseful, but there's no way Chet isn't leaving tonight. Damn it.
They go to tribal council, where Probst points out that Ozzy picked Joel first. Joel smiles arrogantly. He smiles again when Probst says that Chet wasn't even picked to be on any tribe. Chet says that people have been counting him out since the game began and he's still here. And he's happy with the tribe he ended up in, no matter how he got there. Probst goes to Tracy and asks her what she thought of the reward challenge. Tracy feeds right into that and says that if Joel had communicated with Chet, they could have won. Joel makes a frowny face. He says there was communication with Chet. Chet shakes his head. "Don't shake your head!" Joel orders. Ugh. I hate him. He counters that if Chet couldn't hear him because he had mud in his ears from being dragged through it, that's not Joel's fault. Right, because Chet dragged himself through the mud. For fun. Chet tells us that Joel was making split-second decisions and there's no way he could have communicated them effectively, even if he had tried. Joel looks upwards like an asshole. I will say this: if I was in a fire, I'd rather be saved by a group of "weaker" people working together as a team than one guy hulking around by himself. ["Whatever, Sara M. I can't believe you don't appreciate the rugged individualism of firefighting." -- Miss Alli]
Probst turns to Erik and asks him if tonight's vote is about keeping the tribe strong or voting down old tribe lines. Erik says "most of us" want to keep the tribe strong. I guess he's counting each individual hair as a tribemate. With that, they vote. Erik votes for Chet. Chet votes for Joel. So does Tracy: "this is because you called me weak one too many times." And because he's an asshole! Don't forget that! Joel votes for Chet and doesn't bother saying anything about it.
Probst comes back with the voting urn and asks if anyone wants to play the idol. No one does. Probst reads off the votes: one for Joel, which Joel smiles at, thinking it's Chet being spiteful, and one for Chet. Then, two for Chet. Joel nods. Things are as they should be in his universe. Then it's two votes for Joel, and he smiles again, probably sure that vote came from Tracy. Oh, but then...BUT THEN! Joel gets a third vote, and his smile disappears so quickly. While mine grows and grows! And I think that's a smile tugging at the corners of Chet's mouth as well! Joel gets a fourth vote -- which comes with pictures on it for some reason -- and this is where he realizes that he just got played. Probst reads off one more vote, and it's a fifth vote for Joel, a.k.a. "Truck," which means he's OUT! OUT! OUT! I can't believe it! THAT WAS AWESOME! I really, really thought Chet was gone for sure. I never thought -- it's just -- I can't believe -- CIRIE IS AMAZING! Oh, and doesn't she know it? Look at the smile on her face. Erik says good-bye to Joel and shakes his head warningly at his tribe. Probst extinguishes Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter's flame (IRONIC!!) and sends him off. That was GLORIOUS. Probst sends them off, saying this tribe obviously doesn't care about physical strength. Not when it doesn't help them win challenges, no. Why would they? There's a great moment where Tracy and Cirie stand up and meet each other's eyes and exchange an awesome smile/eyebrow raise.
And for his exit speech, over which we see that every single person voted for Joel except Joel and Erik, Joel says "the tribe picked...Chet. Over me. A little bit humiliating, insulting. I don't understand why you would want to keep somebody like Chet. It's just very, very confusing. I'm angry, I mean, I think I'd like to wring a couple people's necks right now but I'm stunned. I'm stunned." Aw, well, you won't be able to wring any of your former tribemates' necks right now because YOU GOT VOTED OUT, SUCKA!