This week on Survivor, the hungry, exhausted people lose two challenges to the well-fed, well-rested people, and Ravu continues to purge itself of women. Do we really need to say more? Well, okay. Yau Man and Earl collaborate on trying to find the idol, to no avail. A reward challenge involving Sumo wrestling is an even bigger joke -- given the tribe's completely different physical conditions -- than most challenges are at this point, and Moto smokes Ravu and goes home with a haul of stuff. At Couch Camp, Alex and Edgardo suddenly realize that all the other members of their alliance are big dumb jerks, and that Cassandra and Dreamz are being treated like so much sneaker-sole poo, and are therefore sure to bail as soon as the merge comes, which will be a problem even if Moto loses no one from here to the merge. Stacy and Lisi are enormous bitches and don't get it, and Boo is a plain old idiot and doesn't get it, so Alex and Edgardo are seriously beginning to rethink their positions. At the immunity challenge, Ravu finds that the mind grows fuzzy when the body is unfed, and they lose again, though they actually come very close to pulling it out. Brief consideration is given to getting rid of Rocky, which is what they should do, but instead, they just continue peeling off the women, this time getting rid of Rita for talking too much. It's not a great season to be a woman with a mind of her own. In fact, between the smug bullying and the ridiculously stacked deck in challenges, it's not a great season in general. It may be the first genuinely bad -- as in, genuinely not entertaining -- season the show has ever had. Whee!
Previously on Gary's Bug Bites 1, Lisi's Karma 0: Gary continued to deteriorate as a result of Old Dude Tired Bones Syndrome, and eventually, they had to haul him out on a stretcher. Most of Moto, overwhelmed with compassion, sobbed, "Cool, more room on the sofa!" A five-person alliannoyance between Alex, Edgardo, Boo, Stacy, and Lisi was skulking around Moto. It makes a lot of sense to follow Lisi at this point, because getting rid of starving, pained Ravu-ites at this point really is like hitting ants with a hammer. At the immunity challenge, Moto won again, but learned that it would have to go to tribal council anyway unless it was willing to trade Couch Camp for Ouch Camp. It knew deep down that its delicate set of fannies was too spoiled to sit on the cold ground now, so it went back to camp to ponder a boot for the first time. Alex wanted Cassandra out because she was bad at everything, but Stacy and Lisi were sure that Liliana was trying to use diabolical Mexican techniques to influence the men through sports massage. Therefore, they insisted on the Liliana boot. There are fourteen people left. Who will be voted out...tonight?
Ravu, Night 11. The moon, as always, appears judgmental and dissatisfied. Actually, that might be my reflection in the TV. For once, Ravu is enjoying an evening fire without having just returned from tribal council. That must have been quite the relocation process. I hope they didn't get break any of the tribal council stools, so they could get their security deposit back. Yau Man is busily cooking...something in a pot in the general shape of French fries, asking people whether they "like it well done." Hey, you have to take your opportunities to shape your environment where you find them. I'm sure it's not actually French fries, and secretly suspect that it might just be sticks, but it's probably some kind of fruit.
Yau Man interviews that he's just back from Exile Island, and of course, he now knows where the idol is, having received the Look Here Dummy clue. Of course, because the idol is at camp, it's not so easy finding a time to dig for it. I do find that twist nicely cruel, in that it must be incredibly frustrating knowing that it's there and not being able to get to it. In other news, I don't understand how crisp and good Yau Man's shirt looks in this interview. He looks like he just picked it up from the dry cleaner. Its neatness is totally distracting. At Ouch Camp, filth is a social norm. Yau Man then reminds us that Earl is the only other member of the tribe who's been to Exile Island. We watch as Earl and Yau Man have a chat about the clues. "It's 'deep,'" Yau Man mutters to Earl. "So how deep is 'deep'?" If I had a nickel for every time I've watched reality-show contestants pretend to care about that very issue, I could buy a bulldozer. Earl points out that however "deep" may be, it's probably not "push dirt with a stick" deep, and they have nothing to dig with anyway, to which Yau Man agrees. And they know that there's no point in even trying to dig up anything interesting once you've gone deeper than about six inches. Interestingly, I know a guy about whom I would say exactly the same thing. "And with that machete, forget it," Yau Man says. Yeah, it takes the right tools to dig a hole deep in the earth, which is only one of many reasons it's never good when a blind date shows up carrying a shovel. Yau Man then interviews that he and Earl both know that they both know, sort of, where the idol is. He thinks that maybe they can cooperate to find it. It's interesting, because it's not like more than one person can use it, but it can give power to a group, as Yul discovered last season. Earl tells Yau Man that if he needs help finding time to look, Earl might be able to hustle folks out of camp. Interestingly enough, they don't appear to have an explicit agreement about what they're going to do with the idol if they wind up as essentially cooperative co-finders of it. In an interview, Earl points out that Yau Man actually has a lot more information about where the idol is than Earl does, but Yau Man needs help, or he can't look, so they both need some help to get it. Earl adds that he likes Yau Man and wants to build some trust with him. And I'm all in favor of that, because they're the only two people, out of the fourteen currently playing, that I think I actively like. On the other hand, it's kind of like having the only people who know the Coca-Cola formula ride on the same plane. If this alliance goes down, what will I have left?
Credits. They must have thought this was an important week, because these are the short credits without individual names, not seen in a while, I don't think. You have to leave time for people to dent the dirt with their foreheads, of course.
We return to Day 12 at Ravu. The sunrise is beautiful. The conditions, not so much. Michelle is sitting alone on the beach. She voices over that everyone at camp is starving. She rattles off some of the luxuries over at Couch Camp that they don't have at Ouch Camp, including something to sleep on besides palm fronds. I do agree that sleeping essentially on the sand for two weeks would not appeal to me, since I don't even like hard mattresses. Michelle says that they do have a good system started for water, so that's something. As the tribe members lie around trying not to die of dehydration, Earl voices over that he and Yau Man have talked about the idol, and that he's going to try to give Yau Man some time alone. Earl tells the tribe that they need to go look for crabs and snails if they think they're going to eat, and everyone else seems to willingly get up and go. Yau Man stays behind, which is risky, but then...nobody else has any way of knowing that the idol is in camp rather than on the island, so they'd never suspect what these guys are actually up to. As soon as the tribe has gone, Yau Man picks up the machete and goes to work, telling us with a smile that his only problem is not knowing when the tribe might get back. He could be interrupted in flagrante idolecto, as it were. He finds the spot where he's thinking it should logically be, and starts picking at the dirt. It's not an efficient way to shovel, at all, but it's all he has.
The rest of Ravu strolls along the beach looking for crabs, and Earl voices over that he hopes Yau Man is looking for the idol right now. Earl and Anthony find their way to a vista, which Anthony says was part of a fruit-hunting expedition, and they sit and have a nice moment taking in the scenery. Anthony thinks that this is about taking time to "be astounded," and that it's giving him energy, because he doesn't know that Earl is dragging their moment of wonder out as long as possible in order to let Yau Man find the idol. I like to think the overblown sense of magic in this sequence is intentionally wry. The majesty of the islands is amazing! Spectacular! Spiritual! And...time-consuming!
Back at camp, however, Yau Man tells us that hunting for the idol isn't going all that well. He has dug a little hole, but of course, he doesn't at all have the right tools. For the moment, he's done, so he stomps down the dirt to cover the hole and whispers, "Try again." If you saw it out of context, you would totally think he was burying someone and telling them to go get bent at the same time.
Moto, Day 12. The resort music (it's very Growing Pains in Hawaii, I would say, but not in the Christopher Cross kind of way) starts up, and we see that the members of Moto are still enjoying the lap of luxury. After washing the morning dishes (sigh), they get treemail. Boo says that it's time for a new "victory streak." I really, really hope it is not the nudity kind of streak. The treemail includes a catalog of luxury items, and they're supposed to pick two. Stacy immediately starts yelling that she wants the toiletries. Eh, it won't wash your soul, Nasty McStink. Other items include potatoes and a pot; coffee; wine and cheese; and a mix of other luxuries and necessities. Boo tells the tribe he wants the chocolate cake and the toiletries, and then he happily interviews that Ravu is "wasting away." What could be better? I mean, everyone knows the worm never turns in this game, so gloating is always safe.
Meanwhile, at Ravu, Rocky is trying to talk everyone into one necessity and one luxury, which he is treating as a sort of middle-of-the-road solution. Earl looks at Rocky like he's a crazypants, which is right, because the middle of the road is not where you want to be where one side of the road contains life and the other side of the road contains being picked over by Fiji's enthusiastic population of vultures. Earl tells the tribe that they need to choose two necessities out of the many, many necessities that they are currently without. This is, he seems to be suggesting, kind of why they're considered "necessities" -- you choose them over luxuries. He wants to go with fishing gear, for one. "I'm staaah-vin," Rocky complains, wanting the chocolate cake. Earl looks at him like he can't believe he has to explain this and says, "That's why we want fishing gear. To catch fish." Apparently, Rocky doesn't understand that you can take "a fish," the animal, and turn it into "fish," the meal. But, Rocky is thinking, cakes are easy! You don't have to cajole them into biting anything! Earl interviews that there's absolutely no reason for them to take something like wine and cheese at this point, considering that they're the island equivalent of flat broke as it is. He says that Moto is Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, while they're Good Times. Ha! One of the best pop-culture references any castaway has ever made, for my money. And not just because, as a result of the current Nick at Nite lineup, I watch way too much Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air.
And now, it's time for the most lopsided reward challenge of all time. You'll note that Boo, who was so against taunting, decides to show up at the challenge eating a piece of mango. What an asshole, seriously. I'm sure he would say this is just payback, but it's really, really rude. It's like they think that being hungry on Survivor isn't like being actually hungry -- they see the whole thing as the game, not realizing that being hungry (and having been dehydrated) is really unpleasant, not just pretend unpleasant, so they still think it's for making jokes about, given that it hasn't happened to them. Moto is really just on a camping trip right now -- and a well-outfitted one, for that matter. I'll bet the old-school Survivors won't even talk to them at parties. They'll be stuck hanging out with the people who won $14,500 on Deal Or No Deal. Jeff turns to Rocky and asks him whether this "has gotta burn." Rocky says that Jeff should look at his eyes -- fire, fire! Boo laughs, as does "Dreamz." Rocky "comes back" with "Laugh it up! We'll see what happens." All of Moto is very amused by this starving, skinny, half-crazed dude trying to threaten them. Jeff explains that, in today's challenge, they'll have one-on-one Sumo-style matches where they'll hit each other with big pads that look like reinforced sofa cushions, and they'll try knock each other off the platform into the mud. First tribe to seven points wins the reward. And what are we playing for? Well, Ravu has chosen potatoes and yet another round of fishing gear (meaning that Earl won that battle), while Moto has chosen coffee and toiletries, the Rewards Of The Woefully Overindulged. Winner takes all -- both things asked for by both tribes. "Dreamz" cockily says, "Yeah, fishing gear," and Rocky gets really pissed off, because he knows that they're throwing it in his face, so he's all "keep it up." Before you know it, they're taunting each other about how hard they can bring it, only Rocky is really pissed and "Dreamz" is kind of amused. My mom was a high-school teacher for many years, and interestingly, she immediately pegged this as one of those situations where, when two dudes fight and one of them is amused and the other one is actually mad, the amused one usually wins. She's very smart, and she's capable of helping you not to get your ass kicked. At any rate, Rocky is making a fairly obvious miscalculation here, in that "Dreamz" substantially outweighs him even in the best circumstances, I think, which these are not. Rocky is skinny, exhausted, and questionably hydrated, and he's daring a bigger, well-fed, well-rested, currently cool-headed guy to show what he's made of? Not a wise move.
Never one to miss the drama when it offers itself, Jeff says that they'll just make this the first matchup, Rocky versus "Dreamz." I'm not sure I've ever seen two guys who have idiotic nicknames they assigned to themselves go at it before outside of actual professional wrestling. They get out onto the platform, and Jeff says "go." Rocky makes a match of it for a while, but he's just not big enough. Whatever you want to say about balance and strategy, this is mostly a challenge that's going to be won by the more substantial person, and there's probably hardly another challenge you could find that's more slanted in favor of people who aren't starving. It's just...watching this skinny guy with his ribs sticking out, fighting this bigger guy who looks like he just got back from a cruise? It's becoming sort of uncomfortable. Imagine how uncomfortable it would be if you cared what happened. Predictably, Rocky gets himself shoved off the platform, and predictably, the fact that they're at such an obvious advantage doesn't stop Moto from hooting Cobra Kai-style over their victory, nor does it stop "Dreamz" from showboating, strolling around the platform waving the padded sofa cushion like it's Rocky's head on a spike. Rocky completely walked into that one and set himself up, and he is named "Rocky," and he is a putz of epic proportions, and Moto still comes off like a bunch of total jackasses. "Dreamz" is right that it really is amazing what you can accomplish if you believe. (Cue "On The Wings Of Dreaming Eagles," the inspirational song my Music Stylist is writing for the American Idol songwriting competition.)
up: Cassandra versus Rita. Again, Cassandra is bigger anyway. She knocks Rita off with essentially one blow and one finishing-off blow. That was...short.
Edgardo and Anthony? Well, it seems like a better match, other than the starvation, but Anthony gets turned around the wrong way, which leaves him an easy target, and Edgardo bumps him off. So that's 3-0. Isn't this fun? Couldn't you just watch the people with food beat up the starving people all day? It's like watching the Incredible Hulk wrestle Sanjaya Malakar. This was the point at which I realized that this is the first genuinely bad season of Survivor ever. Watching a bunch of people who clearly don't stand a chance being thrown in the dirt by a bunch of people who clearly don't understand that they came in with all the advantages...it's enough to make me conjure up words like "distasteful," which is a pretty remarkable accomplishment for a show that shows farting and periodic mental collapses.
Anyway, up: Lisi versus Michelle. That's probably a thirty- or forty-pound weight differential, easily. Michelle, of course, goes right in the drink.
Boo versus Earl? Well, I think Earl would have been able to hang in, except that the platform is covered with mud by now, and he starts to slip and can't get his balance, so he gets pushed off.
Alex versus Mookie? Mookie puts up a good fight, but he loses as well.
So now it's 6-0, and Ravu's hopes of just not being skunked now rest with...Yau Man. Wee little Yau Man, intrepid computer engineer, will be going up against Stacy, who's bigger than he is and well-fed and everything, and who also has slathered herself in bitch sauce. Lisi yells out, "Bulldoze him." Because it's not enough just to win the challenge, or to win the challenge with a shut-out, or to win the challenge with a shut-out ending in the defeat of a smaller, older, apparently very nice man. You have to win the challenge with a shut-out ending in the defeat of a smaller, older, apparently very nice man who you hit really hard. At least I can make myself happy by hoping extra-hard that Stacy goes into the mud face-down. Alex and "Dreamz" trade smug grins at the foregone conclusion that is this matchup. Go! Yau Man plays this incredibly smart, which you can see on the replay. He plays mostly defense until Stacy makes the bad mistake of trying to turn around. When someone turns her back to you for even a second in this game, you can immediately get an almost insurmountable advantage on her. It's the same thing that happened to Anthony, and it happens to Stacy here, and Yau Man spots the opening immediately. He puts her down on the platform, where she hangs partly over the side until he finishes her off, tossing her into the mud. And it almost is a little bit face-first, so at least I got something. Ravu celebrates. Even Rocky smiles warmly as he says, "Atta boy, Yau Man." Yau Man actually feels kind of bad about wrestling Stacy into the mud, saying of himself, "Pick on a little girl." He adds, "An ugly win, but a win is a win." It's a little patronizing, really, but Stacy is so wretched that I totally don't care. Not that we know this yet. Furthermore, there are guys who are raised to believe that you shove a woman in the mud about as readily as you rip the paws off a kitten, so I think that was partly a self-conscious, nervous reaction to something that felt really unnatural to him.
Of course, it takes exactly one hit -- and barely one -- for Cassandra to send Rita into the mud again in what Jeff Probst hilariously calls their "grudge match," so that challenge is over in a hurry, with Moto the winner that will be taking all. Asked to send someone from Ravu to Exile Island, Moto sends Earl. They do at least seem to have the hang of the fact that you send the same person or people in order to limit the number who could potentially (in theory) have the idol. Earl heads off to Exile. Jeff sends Ravu back to camp with nothing, again.
Back from commercials, we're at Moto on Day 13, so this is the day after the reward challenge. Stacy wakes up and smells the coffee, which is highly ironic, considering later events. Alex is overjoyed by the clean-smelling soap. Lisi picks her nose. Or maybe she doesn't, but I'm totally thinking she did, because if she did, you bet your ass they'd show it. Editors aren't made of stone. Alex interviews about what a "big deal" it was to win all that stuff. "Dreamz" comes up to the shelter and looks at the coffee reward and the toiletries, mentioning (I believe) that "they even gave us floss." Stacy and Lisi, sitting right there, completely ignore him. "That's all right, y'all ain't gotta talk to me, that's cool," says "Dreamz," in that way that is on the one hand irritated and on the other hand hurt. Stacy makes this speech in an interview: "'Dreamz' and Cassandra have no allies on this team. It's five to two, they're going to get picked off, they know it, they're getting paranoid. Not my problem. We're all adults here; there's no children. I mean, come on. It's Survivor." I am already memorizing that quote, in the event I want to sarcastically link to it in a later episode. Perhaps you are now reading this page after following said sarcastic link! You are from the future!
Back at the shelter, "Dreamz" has stirred some coffee into a cup of hot water, apparently under the impression that it was instant, which it isn't, so it's just got grounds in it. "This ain't the instant-dissolve coffee," he realizes. "So you've got to filter it." Stacy, sitting nearby, ignores him. He takes a sip and spits out the grounds. It's weirdly awkward, especially given his background -- it's not like he's unfamiliar with coffee or anything, but it's one of those moments where you wonder if you're seeing a gap in someone's experience that should be seen more as a hardship than a weakness. Lisi, who could not think of it that way if she were hit on the head and instructed to do so, comes over and asks "Dreamz" why he's doing that. She tells him that he's doing it wrong, but says nothing else. That will help, certainly. Alex, clearly annoyed, tells Lisi and Stacy that if they know how to operate the coffee maker, they should tell "Dreamz." Stacy waves her hand: "I'm not gonna tell him anything." Alex interviews that Stacy and Lisi were being complete bitches in this situation for no apparent reason. He tells Stacy to tell "Dreamz" how to use the pot -- partly to avoid having him waste a lot of coffee, presumably, since they didn't have all that much, and the grounds that Dreamz is spitting into the dirt aren't doing anyone any good. Finally, acting like she's maybe the most put-upon person in the entire world, Stacy explains to "Dreamz" how to use the French press. If you've ever used a French press, it's not completely intuitive, especially at first, so I have no idea why Stacy's being such a flat-out fucking asshole about this. I would bet you anything that, at some point, someone showed her how to use one, as opposed to her picking it up and figuring it out for herself. She ends her little explanation with "simple as that," as if nobody who's worth anything doesn't know how to operate a French press. It's what separates us from the animals! Stacy is the opposite of the definition of "grace" that I like to apply to reality-show contestants, which is the ability to make people feel comfortable in any situation. Oswald has it. Several people I know in real life have it. Stacy has the opposite of it: she makes people feel shitty in any situation, apparently on purpose. Badly done, Stacy, to quote Emma.
Alex explains in an interview that Survivor involves a lot of "almost immediate karma." He says that being rude to people for no reason tends to come back and hurt you, not to mention the fact that it's just not any way to act. It's depressing how novel it seems to be this season for anyone to take this position. Back at Coffee Camp, Cassandra notes that her coffee is "all grinds." Stacy makes a face. I'm not sure who made the coffee in Cassandra's cup, even, but I hope it was Stacy, who is not as cool as she thinks she is. Edgardo says that he's "really upset at Stacy and Lisi." He says that the two of them are "on a power trip." He says that if they keep acting like this, they'll be booted themselves, and I immediately kneel and start asking Burnett to make this happen.
Exile Island, Day 13. Earl voices over that he and Yau Man are working together on the idol, and when he gets yet another clue making it even more obvious where the idol is, he's like, "Yeah, I got that, shut up." Safe to say he does not require additional information about the idol; he just needs to find it. Earl does mention in an interview that Yau Man told him he didn't find the idol when Earl got rid of everyone, and he assumes that it's true. It's interesting, because of course, Yau Man could choose to find it and then hide it from Earl, of course. But Earl believes Yau Man, and he also doesn't think Yau Man will find the idol while he's gone. I'm not sure how Yau Man would find it, of course, unless he can get everyone else to leave camp, perhaps with a story about snipe hunting. I fell for that one when I was in...I think eighth grade. Embarrassing.
Ravu, Day 13. Rita is talking about how she feels bad that she wasn't better at Sumo wrestling, but that her only experience of it is with Austin Powers. At this point, with everyone awake and out of bed except Rocky and Mookie, Rita and Michelle start to discuss fashion and their makeup routines. The editing goes to a lot of trouble to suggest that this goes on and on and on, as if, who could talk about makeup this much? But what they're talking about is...pretty normal stuff that I've discussed with many women, and I don't talk about makeup excessively, I don't think. They're basically talking about how much of a beauty routine you actually keep up on a daily basis. Basically, Rita is saying that all she normally wears is lip gloss. That's a perfectly good conversation to have, it seems to me, and it would grow totally naturally out of talking about how your daily routine has changed during your time at Ouch Camp. It doesn't mean it's interesting to everyone, but it's not like she listed five hundred brands of mascara and their various pros and cons. Rita also talks about how women with "ethnic" skin don't need as much makeup, which is also...a perfectly valid topic, whether you believe the actual point being made is valid or not. Rocky interviews that hearing discussions about girl things made him want to hang himself. I'm sure people find his topics of conversation endlessly interesting, especially since my guess is that his breadth of reading material extends from one end of the SuperAmerica magazine racks to the other. Anthony mutters to Rocky that his ears are bleeding, blah blah, girls are boring. At least they can agree on that. Hey, maybe now Rocky will think Anthony's adequately manly! At least he hates yucky girls! Rocky tells Anthony that if they all lived together in a one-bedroom apartment, if two of them woke up early and wanted to talk, they'd go somewhere else to talk. So the implication, I guess, is that Rita and Michelle should have gone somewhere else to talk. I have to wonder why Rocky doesn't just...say this to Rita and Michelle. What would have been wrong with telling them he's still trying to sleep and asking if they could talk somewhere else? This is one of those things I don't understand clinging to as your cross to bear, rather than just telling people what you want. It's perfectly obvious that Rita and Michelle are not particularly demanding or difficult, and if you asked them, they would undoubtedly apologize and move their conversation. Why not just ask, instead of hanging on to it as something to be angry about? In an interview, Rocky goes on about how "stupid" all the discussions that girls have are. I really believe, without even knowing what Rocky talks about, that whatever it is would bore the hell out of me. I also kind of resent the way the sequence was edited, with the endless shots of Rita's mouth, which suggests to me a bunch of men in a production office who share Rocky's conviction that talking about makeup is stupid and means you're prattling, who probably would not cut together a similar sequence of men talking about football, which is equally of no interest to many, many people. I just didn't like the "sigh, GIRLS" aspect of the presentation.
Moto, Day 13. A snake winks at the camera. Alex has a chat with Lisi, in which he points out to her that if they merge with ten people left, even assuming that Moto wins every immunity and goes in with the seven people they have now, that would leave three Ravu, and if Cassandra and "Dreamz" split off and go with Ravu, now it's a tie, and there's no advantage. Five to five. This is a little lesson we call Addition And Subtraction. What's great is that in spite of the simplicity of the message, Lisi completely doesn't get it. "Cool," she says. "Whatever." Alex is like, "NOT REALLY, IDIOT," explaining to her how they don't want a tie where they don't have control, when they could instead be in a situation where they would have control. He interviews that this problem became clear to him as soon as he started to do the math, and we watch as he tries to explain it to Lisi as well. "We do not need to do business with them at all, seriously," she replies. "I don't think we should include Dreamz and Cassandra in anything." So I guess that's the "I don't want to; therefore I don't have to" theory. Furthermore...okay, I get why they don't like "Dreamz." But what, exactly, is the beef with Cassandra? Can I get a little clarification? Because I'm finding it a little uncomfortable. Alex interviews that alienating two people is foolish when you only have five out of fourteen currently in the game. Alex tells Boo, "Those two, Cassandra and Dreamz, are gonna deflect [sic]. And we're not gonna have the majority." "Okay, so what are you suggesting?" Boo asks, because oh boy, does he not get it. Alex answers, "Making them feel more and more included, and developing more of a bond and a relationship with them." In one of my favorite lines in the show's history, a blank Boo says, "Yeah, but we want them all gone." In other words, why would you pretend to be nice to people if you intend to vote them off? Apparently, Boo does not watch Survivor, including the game he's playing while playing it. Alex kind of can't believe this is really happening, and in an interview, he comes close to literally tearing his hair out. "How do you not understand?" he rhetorically wonders. I'm not sure he watches the show either. And I hope he doesn't work in immigration law, because..."deflect"?
Fortunately, Edgardo understands the math, and he and Alex talk about how "the girls" are ruining the whole thing, because they're being jerks, and are not listening to anything Alex is saying. This is the most girl-hating season ever, I think. "They're so irrational, dude," he says. As much as I hate to listen to a "the girls are irrational" speech, in this case, it's kind of appropriate. It makes me wonder, though, who Alex thought those women were when he aligned with them, and why he didn't feel people out to see whether they had any head for strategy before choosing them as allies. What about Lisi made her seem like an appealing ally, you know? What about her stupidity and jerkitude isn't obvious? Edgardo suggests in an interview that he and Alex are considering allying with "Dreamz" and Cassandra instead of Stacy and Lisi, if Stacy and Lisi are going to be such jackholes. Alex tells Edgardo, though, that he thinks Boo is also dumb, and goes along with whatever Stacy and Lisi tell him. Edgardo tells us that he and Alex are just trying to get things lined up for later.
Back at the shelter, Alex gives the entire tribe a rousing speech about how they should all stay together, and Stacy's all mean-girl, pretending to go along, acting like there's anyone here who isn't on to her routine at this point. Like, does she think "Dreamz" believes this, coming from her? She's already dug the bitch hole, and she's not getting out that easily. "Dreamz" basically says that as soon as the merge happens, he and Cassandra are switching over to Ravu, despite Stacy's ridiculous, unconvincing performance. He also makes rather unfortunate use of the word "genocide" in reference to knocking out Ravu. That is not a good idea, dude. He says that he "can't wait to the day to put on [his] snakeskin boots and show them...strategy." I don't know how I wound up rooting for "Dreamz," but here we are. I'm kind of hoping the snakeskin boots are steel-toed, because Stacy and Lisi are absolute wretches.
When we return from commercials, Jeff brings the tribes out to their mats in a big field, and he welcomes Earl back from Exile Island. Today's immunity challenge is a memory game. There are thirty covered easels, basically, out in the field, and each one has either a number or a word. You go around trying to make matches, and each time you get a match, you get a point. First tribe to seven points wins immunity. Of the thirty boards, there are four boards without matches, so there are a total of thirteen pairs.
Moto, naturally, won the rock-paper-scissors to see who goes first, so the first person to head out to the field is Edgardo. Jeff mentions, as Edgardo heads out, that once the person is on his way out into the field, you can't coach him anymore. So the team can huddle and strategize, but then the person whose turn it is has to execute. Edgardo doesn't make a match, with "7" and "Priest." Rocky doesn't make a match, either, revealing a "9" and a "4." Cassandra gets insanely lucky, just happening to turn over an "8" and another "8." Mookie gets a "10" and a "7." That's the second "7," and Boo executes for Moto. So Moto is up 2-0. Rita doesn't make a match. Stacy doesn't make a match. She does, however, turn over the second "Priest," so Yau Man goes out to make that match. He gets the first "Priest," the one Stacy didn't just turn over, without difficulty. But then he can't figure out which one in the back row she just found. He begins to agonize. Jeff mentions that Yau Man isn't eating, and that this is making his brain "soft." Shut up, Jeff. Jeff reminds Yau Man not to look to the tribe for help. He does not make the match. But he turns over the "Princess," and Moto is excited! They know where the other "Princess" is! Lisi is totally going to go pick up the match for Moto. She hops happily off the platform to run into the field! The part is hard to recap, because I keep watching it exclusively in slow motion! As soon as Lisi puts a foot on the ground, she falls directly onto her face! Pow! Boom! She literally kicks up a cloud of dust with her face, people. That was something beautiful. As one of my friends pointed out, she has to be the first person ever to injure herself during a mental challenge. It's not easy. She gets up and goes to try to make the match again, but she is, now and forever, Face-Plant Lisi, and as Amazing Race Heather can tell you, getting dumped on your front parts is often a bad omen. She turns over the first "Priest," but when she goes for the second one, she initially guesses wrong, and her entire team moans and groans and makes so many "No, no!" noises that Jeff takes away her turn. Rules, mofos. Rules!
Earl matches the "Priests." Ravu's on the board! Dreamz doesn't make a match. Anthony makes a match. More matches happen: Alex, Rocky, Edgardo, Mookie, Stacy, Yau Man, some others...and now the score is 6-6. There is one matching pair left, and there are four dummy boards. So this is the endgame. Michelle goes out to look for the match for Ravu, and in a decently nice display of tribe-ness motivated by the possibility of actually winning, Ravu stands with everyone's arms around each other. They actually look vaguely tribe-like. Michelle...does not make the match. She shows a "13"...and a "14." Edgardo turns over the "12." And then, he goes back to a "9" I think we've already seen. Rocky is , and he huddles with his tribe and says, "Tell me where to go." They give him directions. The person, interestingly, who is participating in this huddle the least, is Rita, who looks kind of irritated at the clusterfuck quality of everyone standing in a group and yapping, and stands off to the side rather than do much. Satisfied, Rocky heads out. He turns over the "9" in the back -- not the one Edgardo just turned over. He should really, really know this. But now, he draws a blank. He has no idea. Interestingly, the one with the "9" on it is nowhere near any other unused board, so there's just no cause for confusion here, unlike the Yau Man situation earlier, where it was in a field of several. Rocky cannot remember. He turns over the wrong one. It's the "12" -- the "12" that Edgardo flipped that was not the "9." And here comes Cassandra, who makes the match that wins the challenge for Moto. Ravu is going to tribal council...again. And now they're really pissed off, because they were outrageously close.
When we get back from commercials, we're at Ouch Camp on Day 14, where Rocky wants to say a little something about the fact that he knows it was his fault they lost, in the short-term sense. Which is pretty much the only way he thinks himself, so. After he says he takes the blame, he nonetheless takes the opportunity to tell the tribe that, in reality, it was the fault of "mass confusion," in which everyone talked at once. Rita, who was crossing her arms and pouting about the very same thing while Rocky was taking direction from the tribe, is totally on board with this, so she jumps in to agree with him. The effect is unfortunate, because he's talking about talking all at once during challenges, which she wasn't guilty of at all there, but it comes off like she's talking when he's saying the problem is too much talking. I think it's very unfair to Rita the way this comes off, because she doesn't interrupt Rocky, and she doesn't cut him off -- in fact, he cuts her off as she tries to reinforce what he's saying. He goes back to this thing about how almost winning was so wonderful, blah blah blah.
Anthony interviews that Rocky being out would get rid of a lot of problems in the tribe, and that Rocky shouldn't be surprised if he gets booted over the way he's talking. Rocky and Anthony have a talk, though, in which Rocky talks about how Rita talks too much. So far, the evidence to support this assertion consists of a conversation with Michelle about makeup and about ten seconds of commentary on the need for people to not all yell at the same time during challenges. Anthony now interviews that people are "looking at Rita," apparently because they're "sick of hearing from" her. He knows that he could be in jeopardy himself, and he's hoping it doesn't turn around on him. Elsewhere, Mookie asks Yau Man whom he'd like to boot, and Yau Man names Rita and Anthony. He thinks the tribe won't really miss either one of them at all. He doesn't care which one of them goes first. Rita and Michelle now arrive, and Mookie says he just wants someone else to decide "for once." Apparently, his influence was against his will. Michelle asks whether booting Anthony is okay with him. Mookie says yes. Is it okay with Yau Man? Yes. Rita? Yes. So that should be four, and now they're done arguing.
But, of course, then they have to tell Rocky. When Mookie and Rocky get talking, Rocky starts bitching that Rita talks too much, and Mookie thinks maybe Anthony is getting a little bit better. More manly! Rocky gets all, "Rita's got to go" and "I need you on my side," and all of a sudden, here goes the crazy stuff that happens every time Rocky and Mookie talk. The tribe leaves for tribal council, Mookie saying that, in the past, people went with the majority, but now everybody seems to be a free agent, and "you have to watch your back."
Tribal council. Jeff asks Yau Man about the close finish and the frustration at the challenge. Yau Man says that he was incredibly embarrassed and frustrated to see his smart brain turn to mush, and he just hopes it's temporary. Heh. Jeff asks Mookie whether the tribe was beaten or gave it away. Mookie tries to defend Rocky by saying that it's hard to execute with too many people talking: "We confused him." Rocky now goes into this big thing about how winning the challenge would have set off this epic celebration, which...I agree, but who cares? Rocky says that he felt bad about not delivering that feeling to his tribe.
In one of those questions that just seems cruelly designed to bait people into making themselves look bad, Jeff asks Rita what she talks about when days get long. She talks about trying to tell entertaining stories, and of course, everyone -- leading with Anthony -- rolls eyes and looks disgusted. Get it? Because everyone hates it when Rita talks. They like it when people are appropriate and subtle about their social skills, like when they wave their dicks around.
Jeff asks Earl whether the reasons for votes are starting to change, and Earl says yes. He says that there are more relationships and "chemistry" issues now, so people are making their decisions more carefully.
Jeff asks Yau Man whether he can trust anyone, and Yau Man says that his credo is "Love Many, Trust Few, Do Wrong To None." Aw. I might need that as a tattoo. And then he says, "The question is, what is 'few'?" Hee. Indeed. He says that he has to figure out how his strategy fits with other people's strategy.
Jeff asks Anthony whether he feels "comfortable" or not. Anthony doesn't feel comfortable. He knows that there have been some personality clashes between himself and other people on the tribe. He doesn't think they get his honesty. He is misunderstood! Jeff reminds everyone about the later opportunity to play the idol.
Earl votes. Rita votes for Anthony, saying that the "tribe works on majorities." Rocky votes. Michelle votes. Anthony votes for Rita, wishing her well. Mookie votes. Yau Man votes, saying, "It comes down to who is the most disposable. Sorry. Nothing personal." Well, and who would think being labeled "disposable" was personal? Jeff takes the votes, and when he comes back to read, the first vote is for Anthony. Then Rita. Anthony. Rita. Rita. Rita. She gets her torch and leaves. Snuff!
week: everything changes! Well, it's about time, because Ravu is almost out of women to boot on the theory that they're irritating and talk too much.