So this is kind of a weird little episode where nothing happens. Adam and Parvati are feeling the pressure knowing that they're outnumbered, but it's not clear how many options they have. At a reward challenge, Ozzy proves that he can move a lot more mud with his body than anyone else, so he, Parvati, and Yul go on a spa reward where Parvati thinks maybe if she acts sexy enough, in that bathtub kind of way, she can save herself. It's kind of not happening, even with the assistance of the hot tub. Adam is at Exile Island, so Becky and Sundra have time together, in which Becky admits that she's not hot on taking Ozzy the Challenge Monster to the end with her. When the spa folks get back, she explains this, and it looks like there is at least some chance that Ozzy will go. Then there's an approach made to Ozzy by Parvati and Adam, and it looks like maybe Sundra will go. But when Ozzy wins immunity again (snore), the Aitu plan sticks, for the moment, and Parvati is booted. Oh, and at tribal council, Jeff Probst continues to work the jury for the Ozzy victory he clearly wants, berating Yul for bringing Jonathan his hat back. Because God knows no person has ever just done something that is literally no trouble just because someone he likes asked him to, without necessarily wanting anything in return. Shut up, Jeff Probst.
Previously on Filthy Dirty Rats: The loved ones visited, and Parvati and her daddy won the challenge, yay! Go, Mr. Shallow! Jonathan went to Exile Island, and everyone else noticed that, with no one to pick on, Adam and Parvati picked on no one much less than they previously had picked on Jonathan. So they must not be so bad after all! The immunity challenge was very punishing, and Sundra looked like she about cracked her skull. Ozzy, of course, won. Adam told Yul that getting rid of Jonathan would win Yul jury votes, which was an obvious pile of crap, but which made Yul feel kind of trapped anyway. Jonathan tried to explain the reasons Yul shouldn't fall for this bit of nonsense, but ultimately, the Aitu four decided that dancing with the one that brought them wasn't as important as caving to social pressure to ostracize the uncoolest kid in the room. How do you make friends if not with a rousing game of Get A Load Of THAT Guy? Jonathan went home with everyone's vote but his own, and on his way out, he asked if they could please return his hat. You wouldn't think this would be important, but then, you wouldn't think Jeff Probst would actually try to interfere with the jury vote. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Who will be voted out tonight?
Aitutonga, Day 34. Jonathan's hat is ceremonially resting on a stake, which is a little bit creepy. It's like they ate him. Adam and Parvati are sitting in the shelter having their usual high-octane intellectual discussion. "Jonathan's gone," says Adam. "He's gone, so we gotta win it." Parvati recalls Jonathan's request for his hat, and Adam gives a "duh-huh" laugh. "I just feel better now that I'm in the game and Jonathan's not," Adam says in an interview. "Because, you know, he was just a nuisance." Adam goes on to tell us that he wants to stay in the game as long as possible. I think that's a winning strategy, son! He also wants to "crack the armor" of the Aitu four. See, Adam, what you do with armor is not "crack" it. Its imperviousness to cracking is what makes it armor. You're looking for the word "chink," which in this context is okay. Adam tells Parvati that the Aitu four are very tight, and that they're going to "need to try something." Adam is a master strategist. He's trying something! What will it be? Something! What? Something! Parvati spits out one of my favorite lines now, when she interviews, "I think Adam and I know that our position of power right now is very limited." Hey, she's a glass-half-full kind of girl. If a turtle were equally optimistic, he could choose to look at himself as having a very limited position of speed. Parvati says that staying will require "a lot of smooth talking." I think she's up to the challenge; what about you? She also says that she'll have to get people to flip without making it seem like a betrayal, but that the Aitu folks are "fiercely loyal to each other," which will make this difficult. "People are going to have to start turning on each other," she tells Adam. "Exactly," he agrees, because that's just what he was going to say when he was done chewing or breathing. They agree that, as "the underdogs," they will fight hard. What I love about that conversation is that you know if they had said anything interesting -- anything better than basically "we gotta do something" and "yuh-huh" -- the show would have used it. Those were, presumably, the highlights of their strategy discussion. The highlights.
Credits. Hi, Billy! Billy's cool, it turns out.
It's still Day 34 at Aitutonga. The big tribe flag is waving. As the EEFPs talked about this week, everyone just sort of wrote their names on the flag, except Jonathan, who included his wife's and kids' initials, and Adam, who wrote "ADAM GENTRY" in big block letters like he was writing it on the cubbyhole where they keep his enrichment exercises. Yul and Ozzy are strolling through the woods. They are bringing home the treemail, it turns out. The treemail includes a bucket of mud along with the usual bad poem. "Shirts will not be allowed," it says, which of course makes Parvati very happy. It also implies that the reward for victory will be some kind of lush vacation experience, which makes sense at this stage. Sundra also reacts with great excitement over the promise of mud, and I don't really know why this makes Sundra happy. Yul interviews that it might be "the naked mudwrestling competition." Okay, now I know why it makes Sundra happy. Adam tells Parvati that the two of them "need to pull out this victory." Parvati agrees, in an interview, saying that if they don't win, Adam will go to Exile.
Jeff welcomes the remaining six to the challenge clearing, which consists of a minor-league obstacle course (just a few things to climb over and duck under) and a giant pit of mud. I never know what they make mud from in these situations, and I always sense that I don't want to know. Jeff explains that, in this challenge, you dive into the mud pit and cover your body with mud. Then you race back through the course and scrape the mud into a bucket. You can't carry it in your hands or your arms -- it has to be on your body. Whoever has the most mud after ten minutes is the winner. The reward is a "luxury spa reward": massage, pool, laundry, bed for overnight, and lots of food and booze. The winner will also send someone to Exile Island, but the winner will not choose anyone to go along with him or her on the reward. Instead, the second-place and third-place finishers will get to go. I suspect that's designed to make this stage of the game a little less predictable, which is probably smart. In other words, rather than allowing the split to be engineered by the winner, let the split be determined by individual performances.
Ready? Go! Everyone starts out at first kind of rolling around in the mud, and the women are predictably trying to get it all in their hair, which would be my strategy as well. Yul and Ozzy are the first two to head back to the mud for a second around. (Incidentally, it is Billy's position, as he related it to me, that Yul has not fully strained himself trying to win challenges -- not that Ozzy isn't awesome at all, but that Yul has little interest in winning challenges. It sounded like bullshit, but when you think about it, Yul is already seen as such a power player and such a brainiac and such a nice person that I have to think that if he had really won very many challenges, the need to eliminate him would have been so obvious that it would have happened really quickly. I'm not saying it's necessarily true, but it's true that Yul has been right behind Ozzy for significant parts of various challenges without actually winning any of them.) People start trying to find various ways of transporting good amounts of mud. Naturally, Parvati gravitates toward using her chest, and it's really interesting to see her trying to carry mud back with her little boobs -- which are really not up to the task -- while grinning like a buffoon. It's like, in her mind, she has huge boobs. She has huge mental boobs, like one of those people who loses a limb and can still feel it. Ozzy starts loading up his hair. Yul's abs, I have to say, are out of hand, which is emphasized by the fact that he's covered with a sheen of mud. Jeff remarks that this entire thing, with all of them covered in brown, is "like watching bad performance art." Ha! Jeff gets off one good line every season. I hope you enjoyed it. ["But I was like, 'As opposed to GOOD performance art?' and then I remembered I was watching alone, with no one to appreciate my bons mots." -- Wing Chun] Ozzy continues carrying loads on the back of his neck; Parvati brings back a big pile on top of her head. You can tell already that the actual winner is not close -- everyone else's bucket is about half full, and Ozzy's is full. The kid has certainly found the setting in which his skills are put to highest and best use.
When Jeff calls time, the contestants all step back and start laughing, which is cute. Jeff says that they might as well start by weighing Ozzy's obviously winning load. He brought back forty-five pounds of mud. So everybody else is playing for second and third. Parvati has twenty-four pounds. Adam has twenty-two pounds. Sundra only gets twenty, so she's not in it. Becky also has twenty. Yul needs twenty-two pounds to break the top three, or else it's Ozzy, Adam, and Parvati. Oooh, I don't think Yul wants those three off on a reward together. Yipes. Yul has twenty-two and a half pounds of mud, though, so he gets to go on the reward. Given the "choice" between Adam, Becky, and Sundra, Ozzy sends Adam to Exile Island. Everyone tells Adam that they're sorry, including Yul, who isn't sorry he's going, but who I think is sorry anybody has to go, you know? Jeff sends Adam off to the boat headed for hell. Becky and Sundra are sent back to camp. Yul, Parvati, and Ozzy head off to the spa to clean up and enjoy their reward.
After a set of commercials, we are back at camp, still on Day 34. Becky and Sundra are all alone, and it's raining. They huddle in the shelter, still all muddy. Sundra tells us that she'd rather be at the reward, and then she and Becky have a chat. Interestingly, Sundra's comment is "At least Yul got to go." Becky talks to Sundra about how competitive and tough Ozzy is, and how he "plays to win." She says it's occurring to her that it's probably "foolish" to keep Ozzy in the game until the end when he's such an incredibly tough competitor. I have to think Becky is also thinking about the fact that they're already taking a guy to the finals who has the idol and will be tough to get out before F3. Why take another guy who's almost guaranteed to be un-vote-able? Becky was just gobsmacked by how far ahead of everyone else Ozzy was. She interviews that she just realized how into winning Ozzy is, and how determined he is, and she's very uncomfortable with sitting there while he wins everything. One of the things that's so good about the fact that so many of the people this season aren't assholes is that you can actually see them work through the strategic implications of various decisions with a relatively clear head. If this were a typical season, the resentment and asshattery would be so cranked up by now that there wouldn't be any strategy talk; it would just be a petty-off.
Spa Day! "My head is so heavy," Parvati complains on the plane. That's just too big a target, having her say that. That's not just shooting fish in a barrel; it's shooting the barrel itself. She interviews that her only hope, at this point, is to get someone over to her side: "Ozzy would be my only hope." Yeah, that's about what I'd think, too. And then we are at the resort, where these very dirty, muddy people are arriving. I like how the greeter lady wastes several perfectly beautiful flower leis by putting them around these filthy, mud-covered necks. Then, she offers them a shower. We watch as muddy shoes and clothes are removed. Parvati looks at herself in the mirror, and at first she looks amused, but then she turns, vamps, strikes a pose, and clearly concludes that, even covered in mud, she is adorable. It's a great little sequence, because it's so unbelievably transparent. Showering happens, and Ozzy tells us that he'll remember the shower forever, because it was his favorite shower ever. Somehow, I think this is not quite true.
, the contestants receive massages, and Yul is surprised that Ozzy has never had one before. "Oh, you're in for a treat," Yul says. Probably to Ozzy, but conceivably to the woman massaging him. Yul calls the massage "a nice reminder of life outside of this game." Well, seriously. There will be family and friends and massages no matter what happens. On the other hand, this is how you know Yul isn't really made for this game: he is capable of imagining a happy life with or without victory. Parvati says that after this complete reset, she can certainly last another five days.
Exile Island. Adam has flies on his feet. Ew. He's basically just lying in the sun, baking. As often happens, I just sit here thinking about sunblock. He tells us that it hurts to be on Exile Island, instead of being with Parvati where he can "strategize." He says that he hopes Parvati can find a way to break apart the Aitu four. Keep hoping, kid. He breaks open a giant shell and says that he has no need for fire, because he can eat things raw. That shot of some piece of whatever it is dangling out of his mouth is really, really unappetizing. Maybe he needed a fire after all. A storm follows. Adam says that this experience was "awful," what with the rain pouring down and so forth. He will fight on!
At the spa, Parvati says she feels like she's in a dream. Yul is in the shower or something, because Parvati's just talking to Ozzy as they sit at the table in their robes. Ozzy tells her that she's where he has sometimes felt like he was, in that she has to win or she's going home. Parvati interviews that "Ozzy's kind of a loner" and that "it's kind of hard to get to know him." But, she says, "he's opened up to [her] a little bit." Uh-oh. Red light! Red light! Red light! Don't sleep with him! Sigh. Too late, I know. They eat dinner, as Parvati tells us that she's trying to be as "charming" as possible. Oy. And as they're eating, the lights suddenly go out. "All right, build a fire, Ozzy," Yul immediately deadpans. Ha! He's so cute. Ozzy tells us that having to light a bunch of candles actually led to a pretty nice "ambience." They are treated to a show with drumming and dancers. "It was, like, way better than dinner and a movie," says Parvati. She also says that she had some champagne and wine, and then they got in the hot tub, and she was naked. I'm not sure whether the boys are totally naked or not at first, but then Ozzy offers to show her "the Great Cook Islands Humpback Whale," and shows his ass as he goes over the side of one hot tub into another. Drunk Parvati looks way more amused than Substantially Less Drunk Yul. "I just peed in my pants and I wasn't even wearing any," she says. Wow. That's drunk. When you're going for "charming" and you're talking about peeing in the water, that is drunk. Yul says he's not sure whether Parvati's flirtation with Ozzy is strictly strategic or not, but that he's aware that Ozzy is "reciprocating" somewhat. Clearly, Yul does not see this as a good development. "I've got two naked guys in the hot tub!" Parvati says happily. Yul points out that she is also naked, and she agrees, but adds, "The numbers are in my favor. At least this once." Ozzy tells us that he's looking out for himself. Maybe, maybe not, dude. "I might play the game with Parvati while there's still the opportunity," he adds. I'm not even sure what that means, or how gross it is.
Back on the island, Becky and Sundra are alone in the shelter on Day 36. Which...is that right? Did the spa people stay two nights? Because they clearly said it was Day 34 the day of the challenge. Either something is misleading, or the spa people were gone for two nights. I don't know -- Becky talks about how it's been just her and Sundra "for the last two days." I don't know whether that means...well, never mind. I'm not going to figure it out anyway. Becky says that if she misses anyone, it's Yul. Why? Because she has strategy thoughts and no one to tell them to. I think that's adorable: "I miss him, because of his big, delicious, complicated brain." Been there, lady. She says that the basic thought she wants to discuss with Yul is that she would like to get rid of Ozzy rather than wait until later.
We watch as the spa-goers return to camp. Yul says that missed Sundra and Becky, and Sundra tells him and his spa-mates not to feel bad about going away. Yul says that, when he got back, he knew that something was up. This is not a season of great poker faces, I will say. He and Becky go for a walk, and Becky tells him that she and Sundra have been talking about a plan to "change up the order." Becky tells Yul that as much as it would be great to have the Aitu four go to the end together, she's really nervous about keeping Ozzy around. She mentions how good he is in terms of "balance" and "endurance," so you kind of get what her deal is. What's interesting here, to me, is...you know, Becky really isn't that bad off if Ozzy wins a traditional F3 immunity challenge, assuming that she's still there. Would Ozzy take her or Yul? Her, right? It's interesting. "I think any of us would have a hard time against Ozzy," Yul agrees. He says plainly in an interview that he doesn't want to be in an F2 situation with Ozzy. He thinks any of them would lose to Ozzy, because the jury sees Ozzy as more "pure." Not with the scheming and so forth: "He's playing a straight-up game, and he's doing a hell of a job of it." Yul tells Becky that sticking with their alliance would be the "high road," but that getting rid of Ozzy would probably be the most aggressive game move.
Later, Parvati and Ozzy are in the shelter when Yul wonders aloud where Parvati is. Sundra comments that she's sleeping, after having "a hard day getting her massage." Heh. Sundra asks how Parvati was during the spa thing. Yul mentions the flirting between Parvati and Ozzy. "She's flirty with everybody," says Sundra. "That's her M.O." And normally, I would find that cattier than I do here, Parvati having basically declared herself that this was her strategy. Yul stresses that while Parvati is generally flirty, she's turning it way up with Ozzy: "I definitely underestimated her." In an interview, Sundra talks about there being a concern that Ozzy would "go with whomever has the best sell for him." I think she says "sell." "Cell" is a possibility, though I don't know what it would mean. I guess "sell" means "pitch" here, in a sense. I feel like I actually need a translator. Anyway, as a result of all this, Sundra sees Parvati as a threat for her possible ability to sway Ozzy. Yul asks Sundra whether she thinks Parvati is a threat, because he does. But, Yul adds, "we might have to vote off Ozzy." Sundra tells us that for the three of them -- herself, Becky, and Yul -- it's a matter of how to "cover [their] bases," because they know Adam and Parvati are up to no good. They agree that they'll have to see what's up with the immunity challenge.
Speaking of which, here's that immunity challenge now. Jeff brings in the group, and Adam returns from Exile Island. Jeff takes back immunity from Ozzy. He explains that, in today's challenge, you carry four bundles of puzzle pieces across a balance beam with three ascending levels. When you have all four bundles, you assemble them to form a table maze through which you send two balls until you get them to drop through two different pockets. First to finish wins immunity.
Ready? Go! Early on, Ozzy has a lead, and he appears to be the only one smart enough to be doing the narrow little balance beam with his shoes off. Adam almost makes it shortly after Ozzy, but he didn't get quite far enough and has to go back. As it turns out, if you don't make it across a line at the end, you have to go all the way back to the start. The second person to bring a bundle across the line is actually Becky, but shortly after her, Ozzy is already there with his second bundle. Yul starts to get the hang of it, carrying the pieces on his head. Ozzy brings his third. Parvati gets one across; Yul gets his second. Adam and Sundra are nowhere. Becky takes a fall that completely looks like she smashes her teeth on the beam, but I guess she doesn't. That was a scary moment, in my opinion. Ozzy gets his fourth bundle across. Yul has his third; Parvati has her second. Ozzy starts to untie the puzzle pieces. Sundra falls off. Adam falls off. Yul makes it with his last bundle, so now he's untying. Yul starts to assemble, and then Parvati gets her third bundle across. Yul assembles. Ozzy assembles. Parvati is done and starts to untie pieces. Yul and Ozzy both get their mazes together, but it turns out that Ozzy's is right, and Yul's isn't right. Yul has put the middle pieces in the wrong order. It's the kind of thing you might do if you weren't in a huge hurry to win an immunity challenge in which your winning would probably just result in your having to decide whether to give one of your immunities to someone else. I mean, I'm just saying. Nobody's going to vote for Yul anyway, because Sundra and Becky won't, and even if Adam, Parvati, and Ozzy did, Yul would throw down his individual immunity idol, and one of them would go. They can't vote for him anyway. He has no need for this immunity; there's no reason he'd want the controversy that would come with it. I don't know for sure that he didn't try, but if you weren't trying on this particular challenge, this is what it would look like: "Hey, I accidentally put the puzzle pieces together at the very end." At any rate, Ozzy puts the maze together, maneuvers the balls through it, and wins immunity again. Yul comes over with the handshake and the back-slap hug. Parvati looks frustrated. Adam, who never got over the beam once, does not look pleased either. Jeff puts the necklace on Ozzy again. Jeff will see everyone later at tribal council.
After a set of commercials, we return to camp, still on Day 36. Yul says that Ozzy won immunity "as usual," and that he's becoming sort of larger than life as a threat in challenges. Given that booting Ozzy has been removed as a possibility, Yul says that they're pretty much agreed to vote out Adam or Parvati, the only issue being which should go first. Adam comes over to have a chat with Yul, and ask if he's the one going home. "Do you really want to know?" Yul asks him. Adam says that he really wants to know. Yul says that he isn't certain, but that he doesn't think so; he thinks it's going to be Parvati. Adam says that he'd like Parvati to stay, but he knows that it's her ass or his. Yul says it's pretty much a "toss-up," but that if Adam wants to stay... Adam says he does. They shake hands, and Yul says that he likes Adam and didn't enjoy having him sent to Exile Island at this point: "If you want to stay, you'll stay." Adam tells us that "Yul is definitely the puppetmaster here," and that Yul said that if Adam wants to stay, Yul will see to it. Yul tells Adam he's pretty sure he can have Adam stay, and if he can't, he'll tell him. "My thinking is, as long as it's benefiting me, I'm fine with it," says Adam. I think he got that definition of integrity from The Book Of Jonathan, The Dirty Filthy Rat Cancer. Adam goes on to say that he and Parvati have been together since the beginning, but of course, if it has to be one of them, he'll take being the one who stays. Of course...just like what Jonathan went through? Again? Can I get an amen? Whatever. Adam says that once he gets to F5, he'll just have to hope to win challenges.
Now Parvati approaches Yul and says that she doesn't want to "pit [her]self against Adam" because of all the caring, but she knows it's going to be one of them. Yul says that, "objectively," she's a greater threat: "Mainly because you're very coordinated." Wow. That is the lamest "compliment" ever. Yul says that in anything with balance, Parvati's going to be tougher than Adam. Yul then plainly says that because Ozzy is there, and even partly because Yul himself is there, Yul's not that worried about Parvati winning challenges. So to him, Adam is more of a threat. They hug, and Parvati tells us that she feels "hopeful" that maybe she stands a chance. She says she'll have to "scramble something together."
A chat takes place in the shelter in which Parvati, Adam, and Ozzy are chatting. Adam says he doesn't know whom he's voting for, but that it won't be for Parvati or Ozzy. Heh. He thinks he'll probably vote for Sundra. "Who are you voting for tonight?" Parvati asks Ozzy. "I don't know yet," he tells her. "Is there any way you would vote any of them?" Adam wonders, observing that Becky and Sundra are "along for the ride." Ozzy says that he's already in enough trouble as it is. Furthermore, although this isn't spoken, if Ozzy screws the Aitus and goes to F2 with Adam or Parvati, he's certainly not going to win with the Rarovians. Adam or Parvati would automatically get the votes of (1) the other one of them, (2) Candice, (3) Nate, and quite possibly (4) Yul, (5) Becky, and (6) Sundra, who might well feel like Ozzy screwed them. Ozzy's only shot in F2 is to be there with someone a Raro might vote against. Anyway, Ozzy says that if he flipped and then lost, he'd go for sure. Adam tells Ozzy that the rest of the Aitu four would vote him out if he lost an immunity challenge anyway. Heh. Ozzy tells us that he's pretty dominant in challenges, and that he is worried about the Aitu folks voting him out. He says he wants "more of an edge later on." He might, therefore, vote out Sundra. I'm having a hard time seeing how this benefits Ozzy.
Elsewhere, Yul, Becky, and Sundra talk about the fact that Ozzy is in the shelter with Adam and Parvati. "Do you think they're trying to work over Ozzy?" Yul wonders. Yeah, I wonder. I love you, Yul, but CATCH UP. He wonders whether there's any chance Ozzy can be swayed. Yul explains in an interview that they decided someone should "sit in," to keep anything from happening. As Yul walks over, he runs into Adam and asks him for a moment. "I know you've got to play the game," Yul says, "but don't try to get Ozzy against us." Ooooh. Adam insists that he isn't trying to do that, but that he was sitting here, and had to say something. "Yeah. Okay," says Yul. Adam says it made him feel "uneasy" that Yul was noticing what he was doing, so he thinks maybe he talked a little too much. There were people who didn't like it that Yul did that, but I loved it. Adam came to Yul earlier and basically sold out Parvati in order to stay, and Yul agreed to make that deal. They basically made an agreement that Parvati would go, and that Adam would at least get a shot to compete for immunity at F5 and perhaps longer. Now, Yul sees that Adam is trying to work with Parvati to turn Ozzy, and he's telling Adam that if he wants that free pass they talked about earlier, he can settle down and let Parvati get voted out. It didn't look to me like he implied in any way that it was immoral or unethical for Adam to talk to Ozzy; he just told him not to. In other words, he made a nice, clean, game-related threat -- to wit, "If you're not going to do what we agreed, I may not either." It looked like a guy who knows how to talk to Adam -- Adam, who only speaks Meathead Bully. You can't finesse it with Adam; he won't get it. So Yul was like, "Can it." And Adam's like, "Oh. Okay." Anyway, Adam says that he remains uneasy about tonight's vote.
As Jonathan's hat rests on the post, Yul wonders aloud whether Jonathan would be mad if Yul wore his hat to tribal council. "I don't know. You can try," says Becky. "Do you think Jeff is going to yell at me?" Yul wonders. Hee hee. He does know Probst. In an interview, Yul explains pretty plainly that Jonathan wanted the hat back, so Yul figured he'd give it back. There's no guarantee of getting anything back that you leave on the beach, so it doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Yul says that if he were booted, and he'd left something behind, he'd appreciate having it back: "I just feel like it's, like, a nice thing to do." Yul puts on the hat over his buff, and Sundra suggests that they call him "Yonathan." Hee. He suggests "Yulathan."
Tribal council. The group walks in. Yul silently places the hat on the jury benches. The jury walks in, ending with Jonathan, who looks fine. Goodness. There's something about all that sun and work that makes people really hot, but they're all dirty, so when they clean up, they look unbelievable. That's why they look like shit at the reunion, when they've gone all soft again. Jonathan picks up his hat and grins. ["Such a great smile, too. Stacy is a lucky woman." -- Wing Chun]
Jeff launches his bizarre attack of the evening on someone he's decided he doesn't like, only this time, it's Yul instead of Jonathan. He says that the jury normally has no involvement at all -- ignoring, of course, the antics of Nate, Parvati, Candice, and Adam, all of whom have communicated extensively with each other while some were on the jury and some were in the game. Jeff goes on to say that, in this case, "Yul brought your hat, Jonathan." You'll note that Yul didn't ask for any credit -- didn't say he brought it, and I am 100% convinced would never have been like, "Oh, by the way, I'm the one who brought back your hat, Jonathan," if Jeff hadn't brought it up. That sort of informs the rest of the discussion. If Yul had been wearing it and then said he wanted to give it back, this would all look quite different. Anyway, Jonathan just says, "Thank you very much," and Yul nods, at which point this should obviously be over. "Quite possibly the boldest move I've seen yet from someone trying to win a vote should they make it to the final tribal council." Really, Jeff? The boldest? Even though Jonathan wouldn't have even known who did it if you didn't explain it? How fucking bold was it, really? And are you so unsophisticated that you haven't noticed anything in the past that was meant to curry votes? Is this somehow more offensive than the way people suck up to the jury in the final tribal council, Jeff, about which you never say anything? Ugh. Jeff wants to know "How'd this come into play?" I just don't understand the fixation. Is it that complicated? Yul says that...well, the hat was there...Jonathan wanted it back...he brought it back: "It has sentimental value for him." "I just want to make sure I have the facts right," Jeff snots in disbelief. "This is the same guy who was part of your little coalition that you blindsided, and now you're bringing the hat back just because it's got sentimental value." Jeff says this as if it is clearly the stupidest thing he ever heard, and throwing in the word "little" to make it all more mocking. And besides...I mean, isn't the answer "yes"? Why can't you bring back something with sentimental value? Why wouldn't you do that? Is Jeff so used to people being completely petty that he assumes that anything that appears un-petty must be pandering? I just don't...I don't get this, really. Yul brought the hat back. So the hell what? Becky doesn't help anything when she erroneously states that Yul "announced" that he was bringing the hat, when in fact we heard him ask other people -- her in particular -- what they thought about bringing it. She also says that "even if he doesn't admit to it," she's sure Yul was thinking it might make Jonathan vote for him.
Jeff just keeps pushing. He talks about how the votes are worth a million bucks. The hat might make the difference! What about the hat? The hat! Parvati jumps aboard, talking about how Yul has been trying to "win votes from the beginning." Jeff keeps it up, asking Adam whether people are playing for votes. Adam says that only Yul is, and only "a little." ["Oh, well if ADAM says so. Maybe Yul is the 'only' one who's playing for votes because he's the 'only' one who basically has a guarantee that he'll make it to the final episode, unlike Adam and Parvati the fucking useless losers." -- Wing Chun] Yul finally raises his hand (hee), and when Jeff calls on him, he kind of chuckles, and you can tell he can't believe this has become such an issue, and he says that obviously, he voted Jonathan off, and there's a desire to "appease any resentment" Jonathan might be feeling: "So it serves both purposes." Jonathan makes a bitchface that I do not at all believe is remotely related to that comment, because I don't think Jonathan would in any way fault Yul for doing this or for saying that about it. The whole thing is so ridiculous, you know? People suck up to jurors all the time. Candice actually mouthed words to Adam during the last tribal council! Can we possibly get a little consistency, or is Jeff Probst so threatened by Jonathan and Yul because they're smarter than the typical contestant that he has to sandbag them in the game? It's bordering on really inappropriate and unfair, and I'd be in favor of somebody he works for telling him that it's not a lot of fun for the viewers when the host of the show is obviously trying to put his thumb on the scale and, in this case, make Yul look bad because he personally prefers Ozzy. Isn't it kind of obvious? It is to me.
Finally, we move on. Jeff asks Parvati about going to the spa retreat, and whether it gave her a chance to bond with Ozzy and Yul, and she gets all giggly, implying this and that, which makes Adam chuckle, because it's the one kind of humor he actually gets. Parvati says that everyone got their sanity back. And then she makes her "odds were in my favor" comment about the hot tub again. Jeff asks Adam if he's worried that she got some face (and other things) time with Yul and Ozzy, which might elevate her above Adam in voting. Adam says he thinks he's already at the bottom. Jeff asks Adam why he thinks he's still in the game when he seems like such a threat "on paper." Adam says that he just hasn't produced. Jeff now asks Yul whether he's "concerned" (?) about the fact that Ozzy is helping the group as much as he's helping himself. Of course...so is Yul, courtesy of (1) finding the hidden idol and (2) having an actual strategy, but okay. We'll make Ozzy the savior. Yul is gracious, saying that they know Ozzy is helping them. He also says they get farther together than individually.
Time for voting. Ozzy votes. Sundra votes. Parvati votes for "Sondra," making a little sun around the letters "son." Count the problems there. It will take you a while. Adam votes. Becky votes. Yul votes for someone, saying, "You're a strong competitor. I definitely underestimated you, but I'm sorry I have to vote you out." Jeff goes to read the votes. First vote is for Sundra. Then Parvati. Parvati. Sundra. Parvati. And...Parvati. 'Night, toothy! She gives Adam a hug and a smooch. Snuff! Jeff points out that these five have lasted thirty-six days, and that there are only three days left. He sends them back to camp.
In her final words, Parvati says she only wishes she'd worked the hot tub harder. Harder than that? Good God. That would have to be on cable, I think. Oh, and she's learned how awesome she is. As they all do.
Sunday: oh, who the hell knows? There are five people left, so all bets are off.