As we open the episode, everyone who looked bad last week looks almost as bad this week. Bobby Jon is barely talking, and Blake can't seem to catch his breath. At a reward challenge, though, Blake seems to be vastly improved, even though back at camp, the buzz has started that he isn't doing his share of the work. Stupid invalid. Nakum takes home the fishing gear, the better to start the boring part of the season where I have visions of Rupert. Later, at the immunity challenge, Danni calls out Gary for the quarterback he is (so much for subterfuge), and Yaxha winds up losing after Jamie slacks off just in time to let Judd outweigh him substantially. Yaxha has not gotten the memo that this game is not a meritocracy, and they wind up debating quietly whether to send home Morgan, who does the least around camp, or Lydia, who isn't great at challenges. Ultimately, just as in ancient times, the fishmonger beats out the magician's assistant, and Morgan takes a powder, much to her own surprise.
Previously on When We Said This Game Took Guts, We Didn't Mean You Were Expected To Expel Them Onto The Ground Cover On The First Day: Steph and Bobby Jon were the new tools, but Jeff didn't mean it like that. The tribes got their usual cheery sendoff, but eleven dehydrated miles later, the Nakum men were lying around moaning, needing only Scarlett O'Hara and a torn Confederate flag to complete the picture. Gary "Ho-Ho" (or possibly "Boom-Boom") Hogeboom decided to hide his disgraceful past as an NFL quarterback, because everyone totally cares. Farmer Brandon dissed Bobby Jon's intellect, and the editing staff put a big red Post-It flag on the place where he slipped and fell on his ass, because it seemed like they just might want to be able to find it again. Blake's shoulder was attacked by a tree that appeared to have come from The Wizard Of Oz, along with the season's supply of creepy-ass monkeys. Old Man Jim's wizened and wrinkly arm pretty much fell clean off, so after thinking about it really, really hard, the tribe decided it could live without him. He threw his vote to Margaret, expertly locating the one way he could possibly have managed to make himself a passel of enemies in spite of being on television for less than one hour.
Credits. I note here that the tribe symbol on Nakum's flag looks like it came out of a Ziggy cartoon. Did you even know there still are Ziggy cartoons? There are. The one for yesterday showed Ziggy wondering if the guy who said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration was the same guy who invented deodorant. And I have to give it up for the guy currently drawing Ziggy, because if I had seen that line anywhere other than in a Ziggy cartoon, I would certainly have suspected that it was lifted from a Ziggy cartoon, so at least he seems to have mastered the tone he's going for. By the way, I secretly suspect that the name "Ziggy" comes from a phonetic rendition of certain ancient symbols telling the story of Sisyphus.
On Night 3, Nakum returns to camp in the dark. A spider waits to pounce, not really planning to eat anyone, but figuring it would be funny to make Farmer Brandon jump about three feet in the air. Bobby Jon explains that he appears to be "paying rent at tribal council," and that he's "ready for it to change." I don't mean to be defeatist, but one wonders whether Bobby Jon should suck it up and consider buying a condo, because rent is really just throwing money down the drain. Margaret interviews that the team really wasn't up to the mental strain of tribal council after the physical strain of trying not to spontaneously expire.
The morning, Day 4, a couple of very cheerful crocodiles swim about at Yaxha, accompanied by Disney-like music that suggests that one of them is about to start talking in the voice of, say, John Lithgow. Doesn't happen. The Nakum-bashing is going on in earnest as Jamie comments that he figured Nakum would be "a powerhouse," but apparently they weren't, judging by the...one challenge they've now lost. Steph comments that Nakum doesn't seem to be having "fun," and Brian agrees that they aren't "buddy-buddy." I don't think they're exactly being fair to Nakum. They need a little time. It's hard to make small talk, after all, with someone who's bent over a tree trunk retching half a gallon of water and a haul of partially digested food onto the ground. ("My family's from New Jersey, and I used to raise potbellied pigs. Hey, is that corn? When was there corn? I didn't get any corn.") Steph tells the group that she suspects Bobby Jon of being the culprit. "He's so damn serious," she chuckles. Serious about hitting himself in the head, anyway, and how much more serious can you get than that?
Brianna says that now that it's Day 4, she can say that the people on her tribe "all have different qualities." And it's that kind of incisive character analysis that's going to take her far. Some are tall! Some are short! Some have bumps in some places, and some have bumps in other places! Jamie goes on to agree with her in an interview about the "diverse" nature of the tribe. "We've got a bum," he says, pointing to himself, "we got a police officer, we got a magician's assistant, we got a fishmonger, we got a gay guy, and we got a landscaper." Apparently, Rafe is gay for a living, and Stephenie ("Former Winner"), Brian ("Somewhat Overcranked Ivy Leaguer") and Brianna ("Sells Something, But We Don't Know What") didn't make the cut, diversity-wise. Any time you forget to throw the Ivy Leaguer into your One Of Everything rant, you're really missing the boat. Hasn't he ever heard of "jail to Yale"? "Clown to Brown"? "Pen to Penn"? Okay, I made up the last one. Okay, the last two. But the first one, a guy I knew used to use to describe himself and his eleven brothers. And because I once loved him madly, you know he wasn't the one who went to Yale, if you know what I mean. Wait, what were we talking about?
Someone asks Gary whether he's cold, and he says, "No, but a tarantula jumped on my arm." Thanks for the non sequitur, there, Gary. (In upcoming Gary banter: "Can you loan me a dollar?" "No, but I'm not wearing any socks.") This leads awkwardly into a Gary voice-over in which he explains again that he is hiding his NFL-ness from the tribe. "Nobody's asked me what I did fifteen years ago," he says. "So...I guess I don't have to tell 'em." You know what I think Gary did in the NFL? Black ops.
Possibly animatronic snake.
And now, in the Chicks Just Love To Groom Each Other segment, Steph takes a shot at braiding Morgan's hair, which is a big improvement from the way people usually express affection to Morgan -- by sawing her in half and stuffing her into boxes with her legs folded up under her rib cage. Steph explains to us that it's "a fun camp life," and that it's very different from her past experiences on Palau's Team Sucks-a-Lot. She says that the fact that the team gets along will really help them out. In fact, they're "like a family," provided that the family has known each other for four days and intends to eliminate each other one by one over the month using deceit and trickery. And that none of them is showering.
Over at Nakum, which I already almost forgot was supposed to be the "better" camp for reasons I couldn't quite explain, Judd returns to the team with some treemail, as Farmer Brandon looks at him suspiciously. Farmer Brandon does a lot of suspicious peering, you will notice. I'm fairly sure someone once told him he looks hot when he's questioning someone else's intentions. Cindy reads the stupid poem, which tells them that they're "caught in a web of hardship" (gack) and clearly implies that winning will allow them to eat. Blake explains to us that he really wasn't in the mood for any challenge-announcing treemail yet, because so far, he's still not breathing very well after all the spikes and the barfing of last week. He gives us a nice butt shot as he leans over to catch his breath, but it's spoiled by the giant flowered print on the shorts he's wearing. I think I saw that print in a past life when I designed shower curtains for JC Penney in 1952, back when tropical-chic was all the rage and pineapple slices were the height of exotic cuisine, especially when combined with maraschino cherries. Margaret comments that she's "really, really worried about Blake," because he hasn't been able to recover from the injury yet, and the constant shortness of breath is of special concern. She mops his forehead for him and encourages him to breathe.
Farmer Brandon looks out from under the brim of the hat he mistakenly thinks makes him look like Indiana Jones and thinks to himself, "I should beat that guy up now, while he's weak, because if he's ever healthy, there's a much greater risk that he will fight back." In an interview, Farmer Brandon announces that Blake can't "handle it," which makes me really wish that Farmer Brandon had taken the spikes to the shoulder, not that I didn't kind of wish that already. "I'm more one of those, like, a tougher guy, which, you know, you're hurtin' and everything, but you've just gotta man up." You know, I can go along with "man up," or at least something less dorky than "man up," when people are just lying around. But when somebody has been injured by something you have no experience with as to whether it has any kind of poisons in it and he's not able to breathe, I have to think you might reserve judgment a little bit and not diagnose him with a terminal case of What A Weenie just because you were lucky enough not to get a bunch of spikes embedded in your flesh. Also, "man up"? Pretty big talk for a guy who didn't get out of the opening gates without falling on his ass.
Anyway, the "man up" talk carries us over to today's challenge. Jeff, still echewing the non-dorky baseball caps with which I personally had no quarrel for the dorky adventure hats that make him look like Crocodile Dumb-dee, brings in the teams. Yaxha learns the surely shocking news that Nakum voted Jim The One-Armed Senior Citizen off the tribe in the season's first vote. I'm sure they're all like, "Huh. Not one of the healthy young boys who gets along with everyone? This really is the most shocking season ever!" Anyway. The way this challenge works, you run up a ramp and across a net, and then you climb out onto a big spiderweb made of rope that's been set up over a pool of water. You hang from the web by your hands and feet as you shimmy out to one of eight bags hanging from the web. You untie a bag and drop it into the water below, and then you take the bag and make your way over to a rope ladder on which you climb back up onto the net and run back to your team. Everybody has to go at least once, and if you drop into the water without a bag, you have to go back to the start and somebody else goes. And this is the reward that's for fishing gear. Hooks, corks, worms, that sort of thing. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be a spear situation, which is a good thing, because I am tired of that, and it makes me think about Rupert, and I hate thinking about Rupert. Jeff promises that there are plenty of fish in the lake. And he's not speaking metaphorically about the inevitable end of his relationship with Julie. (Rimshot!) Yaxha, up one member, elects to have Amy sit out. Very dramatic cinematography, editing, and music attempts to distract you from the fact that this is a game with all the tension, danger, and high stakes that you'd find at your company picnic at a water park.
"Ready...go!" First out are Jamie and Bobby Jon. Jamie gets under the web just like you're supposed to, hanging on with hands and feet, but Bobby Jon just hangs from it by his hands at first, which slows him down. He does tend to choose the hardest way of doing everything, that one. Jamie is first to get a bag untied, and then Bobby Jon gets his. But on the way back, Bobby Jon slows down, and by the time he gets back to Nakum, Brian is well out onto the web for Yaxha. Cindy goes out for Nakum as Margaret comforts a bent-over Bobby Jon, now back with the team. Cindy catches up with Brian in the web, though, and by the time they get back onto the net to run back, she's out ahead. They certainly do love to show T&A shots of Cindy. Her ass is in the credits, and right here, there's a shot right down her front. I have a feeling the challenge will force her to do the splits, because where else can we go from here, you know? Anyway, out are Blake and Stephenie, leaving just about at the same time. Whether Blake can breathe normally or not, he does fine on the course, and he and Steph get done at very much the same time. She beats him back to the start, but not by a whole lot. Gary is out for Yaxha, and Farmer Brandon goes for Nakum. Brandon gets a bit ahead of Gary on the way back. Margaret is for Nakum, and Rafe for Yaxha. Margaret gets her bag, but Rafe -- not looking like the most graceful gazelle ever to play the game -- is the first to drop into the water without successfully getting a bag, so he has to bail out and head back. The really weird part, however, is that Rafe then can't get himself up the ladder. It looks like total mashed-potato legs to me, like he just has nothing to push himself up with, particularly after hanging on the web. But the effect is totally Suffering Pasty Boy, and what's not to like about that?
So now, Judd is out on the course for Nakum, but Rafe is still trying to get up the damn ladder, doing everything possible to distinguish himself as That Guy Who Can't Do Challenges. As Judd struggles with the web, Rafe finally drags his ass up out of the water onto the net and immediately stumbles toward his team like he's on the wrong side of about eight shots of tequila. There is definitely something going on there besides sheer wimpitude. Jeff comments that "four days of no water" is having an effect. Do they really have no water? Why? Don't they have a lake? And fire to boil water with? I'm very confused. Maybe Jeff just means it's been four days without bottled water. I know that takes a toll on me. It's like going without my bag of air. Rafe finally gets back, and Morgan heads out for Yaxha. Judd, meanwhile, quits without retrieving a bag. Morgan gets to a bag as Danni heads out for Nakum. I have to say, whatever else can be said about Danni, she has some impressively freaky abs. You could pelt her with rocks and she wouldn't even feel it, not that I'm suggesting we do that. Yet. Morgan gets a bag. Brianna goes for Yaxha, but she isn't able to get a bag and she falls in. As Lydia goes out for Yaxha, Danni finally gets a bag and heads back. So while Danni and her abs got the job done, she was not speedy. Lydia gets a bag for Yaxha as Brooke heads out onto the web for Nakum.
When Lydia gets back and Jamie heads out again, we're tied at six bags each, with two each to go for each team. Brooke gets her bag down for Nakum. Jamie gets his down, and Blake and Brian are now on the course chasing down the last bags for their respective teams. They both do very well on the course, but Blake gets to the bag faster, and has a slight lead heading to the ladder. He drags himself up onto the net, and although Brian gives it quite the effort, he can't beat Blake, who collapses across the finish line in a heap. Jeff sends Yaxha home with nothing, and he gives Nakum the coveted fishing stuff. Bobby Jon lends Blake a hand getting back home. Boys who help! That's sexy.
Nakum, Day 5. Crocodile eyeballs above the water. The team, in a boat, fishing. Farmer Beavis explains that they got up "at the butt-crack of dawn" (still hilarious!) and went out. He manages to be the first we see pull in a fish, and the fish is...about the size of your palm, maybe. If you have small hands. Then as Blake dangles a line in the water, he says he's feeling better and "not panting as much." Well, that's...fortunate, but somehow disappointing. He thinks that as long as he stays strong in the challenges like he did at the web thing, he'll be all right. Nakum continues catching a stellar collection of the world's smallest fish. I think they've accidentally stumbled into a community of fish descended from a bedroom aquarium.
Yaxha, Day 5. Without any fishing stuff, the disadvantaged team resorts to pulling roots out of the ground. Rafe explains that the team is "in desperation food mode." Basically, if it's in the woods, they'll consider eating it. Presumably not including crew members. Rafe produces a large grasshopper, which he introduces with the enticing offer, "Does anyone want to eat a grasshopper?" It isn't clear whether anyone actually does. What total wimps! They used to eat rats on this show; doesn't anyone remember? Meanwhile, camp life is beginning to develop to the point where our first gripe about workload has appeared: Gary doesn't think that Morgan does her share. We watch as she delicately swishes water around in her mouth. Swish all you want, Swishy McSwish -- you've got a mouth like a spoiled trout at this point. I have a feeling her team has already reached the idyllic moment when all the pressure is off, also known as The Moment When No One Can Smell Anyone Anymore.
Crocodile!
And then, by way of illustration of Morgan's so-so work ethic where non-supernatural occupations are concerned, we watch as she sits with her feet in the water while busy bee Lydia works on her great plan. Lydia has constructed a little "cove" out of sand, and she somehow intends to cover it with a sack and catch minnows. Handy fishmonger! Elsewhere, Rafe has a protein-gathering plan of his own, involving the breaking open of an ant nest. He and Jamie and some other folks discuss the ants, and my favorite part is that they seem to be disappointed that the nest contains ants instead of termites. Like maybe termites are really delicious, and nobody would have balked at eating termites. They bring the nest back to camp, and a clearly grossed-out Steph takes it in with a nauseated expression. She interviews that while she understands that ants may be high in protein, she doesn't plan to eat ants. She will be eating corn and water until she wins something else. Meanwhile, however, Lydia has brought back ten minnows. They're very small, but protein-wise, it's something. The group cooks up the minnows at the fire and then pops them all in their mouths. Lydia slyly interviews about how the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and so forth, and with the tribe being as hungry as these people are, she may have a point, especially this early. For fish as big as your finger, the minnows do seem to generate some excitement.
At Nakum, Blake is back to the bending over and the breathing hard. Judd looks baffled as Blake drops to the ground again. And then, in an interview, Judd talks haughtily about how Blake "does basically nothing in camp." Not only that, but Judd's clearly irritated with Margaret for "nurturing him." Yeah. Stupid nurturing. I hate nurturing! That's the thing I fucking hate about the medical profession -- they're always trying to make people feel better, those pussies. God. Margaret gives Blake some water, which is very...damning, I guess. Judd prattles on about how much he hates listening to Margaret tell Blake to relax and get water. "How much more relaxing does this dude need, man?" he asks. Well...if he's sick, moron, then perhaps quite a bit. I really don't think the guy is a malingerer. I mean, what would be the motivation for that? To fake shortness of breath? It's terrible for your odds of staying in the game.
Judd and Farmer Brandon -- the latter of whom is rather lounging himself at the moment -- have a chat in which Judd bitches about "getting screwed" by having to bring water for Blake. I suppose so, in the same way that Blake "got screwed" by having to help his team win fishing gear so they could eat when Judd fell on his ass and couldn't get across the web. Brandon and Judd actually go on to bitch and moan that Blake is so lucky, and that he has all that energy for challenges because he doesn't do anything in camp. Right. That's why Judd couldn't hang from the rope. It's because he works so hard. The self-righteousness countdown clock comes in at an episode and a half, I suppose. I am now officially awaiting the arrival of the first discussion of "integrity," and will accept any version of "I don't play the game that way." Anyone want to make a bet with me? Judd tells us that he wants to be "the big hero" at the challenge. Judd is starting to grate.
Nakum, Day 6. The team reviews some treemail, delivered in Bobby Jon's lovely drawl, indicating that there's going to be some kind of a scraping and clawing challenge later. I like scraping and clawing. Especially the figurative kind. Because a thick rope is included with the treemail, Bobby Jon quickly concludes that it's likely to be a tug of war. In an interview, Danni says that there are a lot of good athletes on Nakum, but that Yaxha has stayed with them so far. She points out that they know Steph is strong, and then she says this: "I work in sports radio back in Kansas City, and Gary used to be a professional football player, so. He was a quarterback. Quarterbacks, though, aren't usually as athletic as the rest of the football players, but." And then she laughs and points out that Gary has "been holding his own," so they'll have to see how he does. So what do you know? Gary Hogeboom is Hoge-busted.
We swoop over to a clearing, where there's a huge mud pit waiting. The teams arrive, and it's pretty clear that some edict went out about wearing hats, because they almost all have them, and they're almost all stupid. Jeff takes back the immunity idol from Lydia, and he says, "Immunity -- back up for grabs!" Of all the things Jeff says, I think that's the one I would try to make him say for me if I saw him in a bar. "Here -- here's my beer. Say, 'Miss Alli's Corona -- back up for grabs!' But...you know, then give it back to me." Awesome. Anyway, Jeff tells them that the immunity challenge will be "a good old-fashioned tug-of-war," which means it probably won't be. And indeed, it isn't. What actually is happening is that each team is being tied in a big bunch to one end of a rope, and then they're going to pull against each other as groups. When -- oh, I mean "if" -- that fails to result in a winner, we will progress to a series of one-on-one challenges in which individuals will pull against each other. Oh, and you can either just pull on your end, or you can run over and grab people to keep the other side from pulling on their end. It probably doesn't make a lot of sense to do that, but it doesn't really need to. You have a big mud pit; you sort of have to find a way to encourage people to wrestle around in it.
This time, Yaxha is sitting out tiny little Brianna, who weighs less than the rope. Good call. Ready...go! They all pull. Nothing happens. Nothing happens some more. Brian bails on Yaxha and goes over to try to make trouble for Nakum, and then we get...Bobby Jon, crazy! Like, pop-eyed, roaring, completely Ann-Coulter-level bugfuck crazy. Literally, Bobby Jon is going, "RAAAAAAAH!" Much as I imagine Ann Coulter doing, incidentally. I missed that side of Bobby Jon so very, very much. Danni and Brian get into a tussle at...midfield, I guess...and then we get our first pixelized butt, because...this challenge is practically made for that to happen. Danni gets the complimentary blur. Jeff notes that as Brian and Danni clinch, they're "having a powwow in the middle." Sounds dirty, but isn't. Unsurprisingly, the first fifteen-minute interval of boring pulling ends without anything happening, so a stalemate is declared.
Now, for individual "showdowns." When each showdown ends, whichever tribe member is closer to his flag will get the point for his team. Three points wins. Anybody is allowed to go as many times as you want, and each round lasts five minutes. First up are Gary and Judd. Judd gets a lead early, pulling on the strong but rather slim Gary. "He's a quarterback, you're like a linebacker!" Danni calls out to Judd. Heh. Gary looks a trifle concerned about that remark, indeed. Judd makes his way to the rope and starts to pull, so Gary is nearly doomed. In a very weird move, Gary suddenly hops up and runs over to Judd, tackling him. I understand showing off the football skills, but what the hell was the point of that? It's about who's closer to his own end of the course. Did he think he was going to pick Judd up and carry him over to the other side? Has he seen Judd? You're not going to do a Rhett Butler number and just carry him off in your arms. Anyway, Judd and Gary lie there in the mud for a while, but Judd gets the flag.
The second contest is Brandon and Jamie. They're pulling against each other fairly evenly when Jamie -- again for no apparent good reason and having just seen how pointless it was for Gary to run over and try to wrestle Judd -- gets up and runs over to Brandon like he wants to wrestle. I have no idea what his plan is, and neither does he. Ultimately, Brandon shakes off Jamie's attempts to manhandle him and grabs the flag, so that will do it for that "showdown." Nakum is now up 2-0.
showdown is Judd versus Jamie, and if Judd wins, Nakum will take immunity. They start pulling, and Jamie gets himself a moderate lead, somewhat surprisingly. When it gets down to thirty seconds to go, Jamie starts to try to just hold his position. Nobody moves. Jeff announces ten seconds just as Judd looks over his shoulder at Jamie. As Jeff gets down to five seconds, Judd suddenly lunges forward, capitalizing on the fact that Jamie had started to slack off in anticipation of the end of the round. Which he did, so he rather deserves the loss he proceeds to take. Jeff hands the immunity idol to Nakum and tells Yaxha that they will have to vote somebody off tonight.
When Yaxha returns to camp later, they're still covered with mud. Rafe tells us as he washes off that the challenge was very difficult. They worked hard, but they weren't able to "pull [Nakum's] big man." I wouldn't mind pulling Nakum's big man myself. (I didn't say that.) (I mean, I did, but I sort of had to. Don't email me!) Everyone is in a bad mood as they have a sort of a gang bath, but Steph reminds them that it's only going to be tied now, with both tribes down one member, so it's not like they're in all that much hurt. Steph is concentrating on her own fanny, however, as she informs us that she's "completely nervous," because the game is "one big bag of nerves." She adds, "It's the worst thing ever." Presumably she is referring to the fact that this is worst thing ever, other than all the things she decide not to do so that she could do this again.
Indeed, the Yaxha boys are off in the woods talking about getting rid of Stephenie. Jamie, in particular, thinks she knows the game and knows how to play, so clearly, they need to get rid of her immediately. Rafe and Gary look dubious, which may just be because it's Jamie talking, and Jamie is not confidence-inspiring. Gary interviews that, from his perspective, the tribe needs to stay strong so that it can win some damn challenges. And...seriously. The way that almost every season ultimately comes down to a Pagonging of sorts would, one would think, now counsel caution about getting rid of all the people from your own team who can count and walk upright in anticipation of undue strength in situations that are, like, twenty days away at this point.
Back around the fire, Amy is filling Steph in on the fact that the guys are talking about getting rid of her. And Steph is, unsurprisingly, entirely shocked by this, because she now has this weird worldview in which she is special, which is seriously interfering with the way in which she was, at one time, special. She interviews rather haughtily that Jamie is speaking out of inexperience, because this early in the game, it's stupid to get rid of strong people, and Steph is clearly the strongest woman on their team. Let's see, Morgan, Brianna, Amy, Lydia...yep, I'd say so. It's one of those things where Steph is basically right, but she still kind of needs to be kicked in the shins. She wore her underdog-dom much better than she's wearing...whatever this is. "Why would they vote me off?" she wonders to someone. "That's retarded." She is just making friends all over the place today. "I refuse to go early this time. I refuse," she tells the camera, crossing her arms defiantly.
The tribe sits around and eats some corn a little later. "Gary," Brian suddenly pipes up, "were you a former NFL quarterback?" Gary's poker face, let's just say, is not suitable for poker. "Me?" he asks, all innocent. ["No, Gary Indiana, right behind you, genius." -- Wing Chun] Gary: "No." Brian explains to the group that when he and Danni were in the mud, she told him that Gary was from the NFL and that she knew because she was a sportscaster. Gary interviews that Danni busted him, and he grumps that he doesn't know what she was doing giving him that information. I don't either, really, except that when you know something other people don't know, sometimes it's fun to make trouble. "Trying to disturb our tribe, I'll bet!" Gary says. How dare she. I bet when he was a quarterback, he never tried to disturb the other team. Gary goes on to tell us that he's going to deny it, because he thinks that the minute they find out, he'll go. Unlike when they find out that he's been lying to their faces for a long period of time, at which point they will embrace him like a brother, apparently.
Rafe, Gary, and Amy take a walk, and Gary says to the other two that he thinks they need to choose between voting off Morgan or Lydia. The group agrees, basically, that Morgan is better in challenges with things like balance, while Lydia does much, much more work around camp. They meet up with Steph, and Steph immediately says she wants to get rid of Morgan. Amy, however, thinks that Morgan is going to be a lot better in something like an obstacle course. After Steph agrees that they could, after all, pick up the work around camp that Lydia is doing, the tide turns against Lydia, and this little group seems to agree that that's the way to go. Amy repeats several times that she loves Lydia, but that she thinks this is just how it has to be. Gary tells us in an interview that you can't "get emotional" in the game, so he's sure that, from now until tribal council, people will be thinking.
Brian contemplates his existence, or looks bored. One or the other. Gary is telling him about the plan to boot Lydia. Brian takes up for Lydia, claiming that she's "more valuable" and "never stops working." "How can we vote her out," he wonders, "when Morgan does nothing?" Gary comes back with the bit about the challenges, and Brian points out that Lydia hasn't lost them any challenges so far. Brian interviews that Lydia walked the eleven miles and has held up just fine in challenges, so he thinks this is just about the team being down on her because she's older and they assume she's weaker. "The woman can do the work," he says. Brian then explains to us that he went and told Lydia that she needed to make a case for herself to stay. And I'm not sure I'd have gone that far. He leans over and whispers this very thing to Lydia as she's working. Lydia tells us that she knows things are bad for her, and that she's "on the chopping block."
Lydia has a conversation with Gary in which she says she doesn't think it's right for her to be the one sent home. She says that she works all the time and gives her all to every challenge. She presses Gary to tell her that he won't vote for her, even as she promises that "whatever you guys want to do," she'll go along with. But she closes on "I'm not ready to go, Gary."
Elsewhere, Rafe says that what they want is a unified vote. They don't want weird voting that nobody expects. See, this is what I think is so funny. They think of alliances now -- bloc voting -- as the respectful, go-team thing to do, which wasn't always the case, to say the least. Rafe says that this is how they're going to avoid being "fractured at camp." It's completely weird, the way they're considering who should go as if it's meant to be based on performance. It's like we've walked in on an episode of Survivor Meritocracy.
Night. Moon. Tribal council. Angry ghosts. The tribe files in and sits down. Because this is their first tribal council, they have to get the "fire is life" drivel. Jeff asks them for an update on Yaxha life, and he starts with Steph and her team's reaction when she first appeared. Steph says that the team was "really welcoming." Besides Jamie, I presume. She says that she just really wants the tribe to be successful and win immunity in future weeks. Asked about what the problems are with having Steph in the group, Jamie says that she knows the game and is a threat. Oh, and she's "tough." He adds, "She's not like a girl; she's more like a boy." Seriously, girls are so lame. Never let them in your treehouse; they'll just put up curtains. Asked which of the women don't play like men (bleh), Jamie says, "None of them play as well as Stephenie does, in my opinion." My diagnosis is that Jamie either resents Stephenie or has a huge thing for her. Or possibly both. It often looks the same. They should put a couple of pigtails on her and see if Jamie will pull them.
Jeff asks Lydia about the fact that, by appearances, she seems to be the weakest on the tribe. She says that this has certainly occurred to her, but she says she thinks she's shown her tribe that she won't give up. Jeff asks Morgan about how unified the group is, and Morgan says that she thinks the team is very unified and has been honest: "We all kind of know what's going on." Well, not all of them. Rafe is asked what his vote is based on, and he says he's voting to keep the tribe together. In other words: "Baaa." He pulls out the line again about how they're like a family, whatever, they like to sing on long car trips and fight at Thanksgiving, blah blah. "Come on, get hap-pyyyyyy!"
Amy is the first to vote. Gary votes. Brian votes for Morgan, whispering, "I hope to high heaven this works. I scrambled at the last minute." I smell delusions of grandeur on that one, I have to say. And not to dis the Ivy League, but I wouldn't exactly be shocked. Brianna votes. Rafe votes. Jamie votes. Morgan votes for Lydia, talking about how hard the decision is. Steph votes. Lydia votes. Jeff goes off to tally. My favorite part!
When Jeff returns, he gives his usual patter, and then pulls the first vote for Morgan. Second vote Lydia. Third vote Morgan. And Morgan, and Morgan, and Morgan, and that will do it. She looks gobsmacked, and Rafe looks pained. Because pained is sort of what Rafe does, I'm sensing. Morgan's torch is snuffed, and she wanders off. Brian pats Gary on the knee, thinking, "If he throws a fit and knocks my teeth out, I'll know he was in the NFL!" Jeff makes a comment about how the tribe is unified, but he kind of gives them shit about how Morgan never saw it coming. Come on, Jeff. I'm not sure "unified" includes the bootee, who is rarely in on the plan.
In her exit interview, Morgan says that she had no idea she was going, and that she isn't sure why she was voted off. She does say that it was a great experience. I wonder if she was surprised to find out that it was because she was a lazy-ass around camp. I bet she wanted to make herself disappear. Good thing she knows how! (I'm just really disappointed that I only got two recaps' worth of magician-assistant jokes. That sucks. I don't know any jokes about fishmongers.)
week: Brandon feels alive. Amy's feet hurt. That is all.