Stock is falling all over the place this week, with Margaret taking a blow for going all bossy and Steph putting in another round of boo-hoos over her tribe's failure to meet her expectations. Yaxha drops both the reward challenge (which is the familiar "blind leading the blindfolded" business), and the immunity challenge (which is a tricked-out version of basketball that leaves Steph apoplectic when the women on her team don't know how to set a pick). While Lydia's weaknesses are, again, the subject of a certain amount of chatter on the challenge-challenged Yaxha tribe, Brianna ultimately does herself in with the way she not only doesn't perform during the immunity challenge, but sort of doesn't...move. So there is to be no more of Brianna, who did not exactly make a mind-blowingly powerful impression during her brief stay to begin with. Also: loud, sleep-disturbing monkeys.
Previously on Call Me Hogeboom: Gary experienced a crisis when his "tricky" "plan" to hide his identity hit a snag in the form of being recognized. He really shouldn't have kept making his teammates toss food to him backwards through their legs. Nakum went fishing and grabbed up a few of the more hapless members of the Fair Angling Society. ("What do we want?" "Catch and release!" "When do we want it?" "Now!") Yaxha lost immunity, and the prospective bootees were narrowed down to Lydia and Morgan, who sucked at rope-dangling and camping, respectively. After Brian took up for Lydia as someone who at least did a little bit of work around camp and didn't sit around waiting for the peeling of the proverbial grape, the group swung at the last minute and sent home the show's first real live magician's assistant. Write your own "wasn't able to pull a rabbit out of her hat" joke, if you'd like. Or something about going "poof."
Credits. I can't tell yet whether this is the Season of Human Sacrifice, the Season of Archeology, or the Season of Imposing Monkeys.
Ruins. Misty forest. Long-legged birds. Uhhh...ring-tailed lemurs? No, clearly not that. Ring-tailed somethings. I don't know. The baby one is cute, but overall, those guys are weird-looking. Sort of...part raccoon, part anteater, part cat. If you've ever seen Pod People, they look a little bit like Trumpy. I'm pretty sure the one is a parrot. For a minute, I was thinking it was a toucan, but I was just distracted because I'm thinking about cereal. We are at Yaxha. It is Day 7. Lydia is dragging an enormous tree back to camp, helping out as she is wont to do. Most of the rest of the tribe is still snoozing. Rafe is sleeping with his arms thrown high above his head, which I think is probably a no-no, armpit-exposure-wise. ["Yes: he's leaving himself wide open for a tickling." -- Wing Chun] Lydia interviews that she knows she was a candidate for booting last night. She says she works hard and doesn't "deserve to go." This tribe is way too hung up on this whole "deserve" thing, I have to say. She says, though, that she also wouldn't have booted Morgan. She would have booted Brianna, whom Lydia finds to be "on the weak side," and not in the basketball-defense kind of way, as we will painfully see later. Lydia thinks the tribe needs to start winning.
In a painfully awkward sequence, Lydia and Brianna sit awkwardly to each other, not making conversation. That kind of thing looks very conspicuous in this sort of setting, because it's not like they have a whole lot of other stuff to do. It's hard to look like you're too busy for talking when it's pretty much that or counting your bug bites. "I think it's going to rain; what do you think?" Brianna says, making a notably lame effort. Lydia agrees. The silence descends again. Well, that was lively while it lasted, wasn't it? Brianna interviews that she and Lydia don't get along. "She's just not my cup of tea," Brianna offers.
Steph uses a rock to carve a mark into a tree for Day 7. Brian tells the team he doesn't want to go to tribal council anymore. Well, that ought to do it. He has a chat with Amy, telling her he wasn't sure how things were going to swing once they got there the night before. In an interview, he congratulates himself for orchestrating the entire thing. "That was one hundred percent me," he says. "I engineered Morgan's ouster." He tells Lydia that everybody wound up voting for Morgan. He then tells us, though, that if Lydia went , he wouldn't really care. And I don't get that, because then why did he care if she went last time? It seems a bit pointless to me, all this being Machiavellian for its own sake, and I'm not sure it bodes all that well. That's how you outsmart yourself. I look forward to the time, about three days from now in the timeline, where Brian's facial hair will be fully grown in, because he has the kind with weird gaps in it, and while it doesn't offend, it kind of makes me want to use it to create maps of Belize or something.
Nakum. Still Day 7. The fire burns. There is a horrible sound. Oh, look. It's the scary monkey. And he's up in a tree, and he's screaming. As people begin to stir, Judd tells us that, in the seven days they've been here, he's only slept a couple of hours. And why? Because of the damn monkey. He tells Blake he doesn't understand how anyone is getting any sleep with that roar going on. He means the monkey, and not, in fact, himself. "No, they are loud," Blake says, kind of agreeing while simultaneously communicating the thought: "Whatever, dude, it's a monkey." Cindy the zookeeper is unfazed by this, and comments that the monkey has clearly lost his gang of monkeys and is unable to find them. "Even monkeys get lost in the jungle; that ought to tell you something," she says cheerfully. I'm not sure Cindy is going to make any big points with anyone by psychoanalyzing the monkey or asking for understanding. For all I know, Cheerios may get lost, too; it doesn't make me feel sorry for them.
The monkey roars some more. The EEFPs have christened him "Howlie," so we'll go with that. ["Heh, that's as clever as the name my sister and I came up with for this obnoxiously loud talker at the gym: we call her 'Loudie.'" -- Wing Chun] Cindy interviews that she can't imagine how she could complain about being awakened from a sound sleep by Guatemalan howler monkeys, which is just one more way in which Cindy and I are very, very different people. She goes so far as to say that people pay money for this very experience. For what? For the Guatemalan Screaming Monkey Package from Travelocity? You're stretching, Cindy. She then takes the Dragonfly TV science-teaching route by explaining to Judd how the throat of a howler monkey works. Somehow, this doesn't seem to make him feel any better. I'm not sure Judd is an "I understand; therefore, I accept" kind of guy. Judd complains some more about Howlie, and also about Cindy's need to explain Howlie's behavior as if she's "Doctor Doolittle." Judd isn't convinced that he should be at peace with the screaming: "That is the most annoyingest [sic] noise I've ever heard in my entire life." He insists that noise will make you crazy.
Clouds move in speedy-motion, and then we are at a challenge course. Jeff calls in the teams, and they line up on their mats. He reveals to Nakum that Yaxha got rid of Morgan. Jeff explains that the ruins all around are in various stages of being excavated and that, today, they're going to build an archeologist's tent. Jeff tries to make a big theme moment out of it, but it's just silly. This could get sillier than pirates. Once again, it's just an attempt to dress up a challenge from seasons by changing the decorations. It's nothing more or less than the usual challenge where one person calls out to lead a bunch of blindfolded dorks around a course picking stuff up and bringing it back, and then when you have all of it, you put it together into something else. In this case, the blindfolded dorks are picking up nine bundles of stuff and then building a tent from all the stuff. The first tribe to finish it will take home blankets, pillows, a tarp, rope, a lantern, and so forth. Probst calls this package "Comfort." I'm not sure I associate ropes with comfort. Nakum's caller for the challenge will be Brooke; Yaxha's will be Gary, who will have to be reminded not to yell out numbers or the word "hike" when he's calling the plays.
"Ready...go!" Calling, fumbling...they're tied together in little groups, and my favorite part is where Judd swings a big log around and bonks Danni in the noggin, after which Brooke helpfully says, "Watch your head, Danni." So it's like, "Watch your head...as it swells up like a balloon." Whoever decided that Judd and Danni should be lashed together...that person is my friend. A few people get hit with things, but there's nothing as spectacular as some of the blows of the past, like Colby and Big Tom conking into each other. If they're going to do this challenge, I want to see some bodies hit the ground. Come on, you bunch of wimps! Furthermore, it's weird, but I actually think Gary is using a little bit of his "see the whole field" skills here: he seems to be able to keep track of everybody a little more calmly than people usually can, not that it helps him all that much. Yaxha finishes slightly ahead of Nakum, and Steph immediately tries to break up the work by saying, "Girls untie; boys build." Meh. It's not a bad idea, but it comes off bossy as well as kind of...like the Ladies' Auxiliary. Nobody rolls bandages in Survivor, you know? While Nakum takes another couple of minutes to finish collecting their items, Yaxha squanders its lead by screwing up the construction of the tent frame. Ultimately, Nakum passes Yaxha in the assembly, and although it's very, very close, Nakum wins again. Yaxha didn't do that challenge badly, they just got nosed out. Jeff sends them back to camp empty-handed, and then gives the load of reward stuff to Nakum.
We pick up the Yaxha tribe returning unhappily to camp...again. Steph says that the challenge wasn't that hard, but that when they all started putting together the frame and "building like lunatics," it turned into "a big cluster...mess." Hmm. I'm not sure I'm familiar with the term "clustermess." What do you suppose that means? Too subtle for me! The team stands around grumping about how sad it was, and Steph interviews that she thinks the team can still pull it out. "I've been in worse situations," she chuckles. Amy tells us that, while she thinks the challenge situation stinks, she can get up and go on. The women then have a chat about the impressive condition of their clothes, Amy shocked at the shape her shirt is in after sleeping in it for a week. Steph recommends boiling it, but assures them that it will only get worse. I like the part where Amy says, "We're brushing our teeth with a tree." Lydia tries an argument that they're in paradise, but it doesn't look like anyone's buying, partly because they can't take advantage of all the nice water on account of the vicious crocodiles that are presumably everywhere. Amy explains that she has zero outdoor experience, but even if you "stick needles in [her] eyeballs," she won't quit. I'm not sure the needles thing was even on the table, but it's an impressive thing, if it's true. And I guess you never know what might come in handy in a challenge.
Over at Nakum, the tribe members are still being kept company by Howlie. I'm sure he's glad they're home, since he has probably been saving up an entire afternoon's worth of yelling in anticipation of their return. The tribe does some trash-talking about being up 4-1 in challenges. There's no sign in this episode of Blake's still feeling poorly, so presumably he's bounced back from his brush with whatever combination of exhaustion and prickle-poisoning had him flat on his back for the last two episodes. Bobby Jon says that he enjoyed winning, which he isn't really accustomed to doing. Aw. Poor Bobby Jon. The group stretches out on the brand-new blankets. Brooke says that they're going to build a better shelter from the tarp, but not in the heat of the early afternoon or whatever this is.
Brooke goes on to elaborate that, as a general matter, the heat is making it very hard to get much done. Farmer Beavis says that this is one of the hardest experiences of his life. They were all having their asses kicked by the heat, and they couldn't go in the water on account, again, of the "alligators," which others have been calling "crocodiles," and what do I know? Anyway, some of the Nakumians get into their boat and head out into the water, with others chickening out for fear of being eaten. Once the boat is out in the water, Bobby Jon jumps over the side for a quick dip. Farmer Beavis follows, explaining in an interview that he likes to "live on the edge." Ewww. Miami Vice called in search of its lingo, Farmer Beavis. Cindy -- also saying "alligators," so maybe that's what they are -- says that it's stupid for the people out there to think they're safe in deep water, because the hotter it gets, the more alligators go into deep water to keep cool, too. Also, she's had in-depth counseling sessions with the alligators, and they report that they've been feeling neglected and suffering from signs of mild depression, so you never know when they might lash out. Judd takes a swim. "The brave may not live long, but the cautious don't live at all," says Farmer Beavis. He isn't nasty, particularly, and he isn't loud, and he isn't arrogant yet. He's just...completely insufferable in this very vague way that makes me really wish an alligator had actually eaten him.
Yaxha. Still pesky old Day 7. Brianna pounds some corn and explains in an interview that she's doing her part around camp: "I want to be considered an asset on this tribe." She is certainly a corn-pounding asset. The tribe then eats some of this non-delicious corn mush, Steph explaining that it's "similar to oatmeal, but not as good." Not a particularly promising description, considering that wallpaper paste is also similar to oatmeal, but not as good. She adds that it's also a little on the al dente side, describing it ultimately as "sort of crunchy, like a crunchy, soft-ish, stuck-in-your-teeth kind of meal." Yeah, that doesn't sound overwhelmingly positive. Rafe tells us that the team has just been eating corn and corn and corn, and that they desperately need "something else." In fact, he says that throwing dirt in the corn makes it more interesting. I don't know about them, but I suggest a rousing game of Whose Spit Is In Here?
Speaking of their willingness to eat anything different, the team finds a tree infested with termites. And despite this only being Day 7 and there being a supply of perfectly good corn, Rafe takes a shot at eating them. Steph is horrified. "I'm not going to be your friend anymore, Rafe," she says, and he laughs. Steph announces to Gary that she's not going to be his friend anymore if he keeps eating the termites. I didn't take those comments particularly seriously, I have to say -- I don't think she was actually threatening not to be friends with them anymore. I think she was teasing them about how gross she thought it was, and she pulled the same line out on Gary because it made Rafe laugh. It's certainly not the most objectionable Steph's going to get this week, so maybe I'm just saving my energy. Rafe expresses the view that the termites are tastier than the ants they ate before. Stephenie does make one of the points I might make if similarly situated, which is that it would at least be less gross if they cooked the termites, rather than just scooping them alive right off the tree. Rafe defends the protein content of the termites. At some point, I do believe that argument would stop working on me. Like, people would try to get you to eat your own hair by telling you it contained high amounts of protein. It's like "high in protein" is to food what "has a good personality" is to blind dates. ["Not to defend bug-eating, because...why would I, but it is true that the more protein you eat in a meal, the more full you feel, so maybe that's Rafe's thinking?" -- Wing Chun] Steph actually tries to give Gary a game smile, asking whether the termites are good. "Protein," Gary says back. It's a mantra, basically.
Possibly CGI-enhanced frog.
Over at Nakum, Brooke (I believe) asks the team what they want to do with the stuff they got, and Margaret (I believe) suggests that one option would be putting it over the shelter they already have. Farmer Beavis says that there was discussion over this, and that people had different ideas. Not different ideas! What will the Department of Homeland Security think? Margaret interviews that some of the boys are trying to build a canopy to sleep under, but that it seems to be "taking a while." Blake says that the canopy will collapse if they build it so that rain pools on it. Margaret says that if they want to slant it, they can slant it one way or the other, but that they need to decide. (Her rambling, endless advice to this effect amounts to fifteen seconds of talk, by the way.) Bobby Jon starts bitching in an interview: "You know, you don't need a supervisor. This thing's supposed to be fun." The guys tie up the tarp as Margaret interviews again that she doesn't really get how they're putting it together. "Am I impressed? No answer," she says with a grin.
Bobby Jon and Judd go for a walk, and Bobby Jon says that Margaret "can be nervewracking." Bobby Jon insists in an interview that Margaret "hand-directed" the building of the shelter, which, based on what we saw, is bullshit. He goes on to say, "I'm twenty-eight years old. You just can't tell grown men what to do all the time." You'll notice that the objection from Bobby Jon isn't that she didn't help and then was critical. The objection is that she should have stayed out of it because it was being done by "grown men." It's a nice theory as long as you're not dealing with communally owned resources, but they were. There's no "I'm a grown man; I can do what I want!" when you're deciding how to put up a tarp that's at least as much Margaret's as it is yours, Bobby. I'm not saying she can't be know-it-ally, because I'm fairly sure she can. But this particular argument is total crap. They can't declare how it's going to be and then tell everyone else -- read "the women" -- to stay out of it while the "grown men" take care of it. If you're going to make executive decisions, you're going to hear from other people about their ideas, and if you can't handle it, then don't take on the task. They also made it quite clear that they didn't know what they were doing, and they were all -- including Blake -- standing around kibitzing about what to do.
Judd repeats the same shit argument, which is that he doesn't like "taking orders" and that he's "here to have fun." Again, it's not about Margaret's not helping -- it's about the fact that Judd should get to play however he wants without her bothering him. Frankly, if I'm in the jungle, then building the tent out of the tarp is an actual project, not a lark, because I don't want to be rained on. If you're having too much fun to have an actual discussion over the best way to do it, then step aside and I'll do it myself. How can they seriously think they have the right to tell other people not to interfere with their playing around with the tarp they've appropriated for "fun" when it belongs to the entire group? And the fact that she had an opinion really isn't convincing me that she was being particularly obnoxious. What they showed of her input was totally reasonable and polite. If she was a pain, I'm not seeing it. Judd bitches some more, and I still think he's a dick. "The only people telling me what to do is my boss and my wife," he says. And...if you don't want anyone telling you what to do, don't take control of things that aren't entirely yours to decide. Together with that sexist "my wife's the boss!" bullshit, this just stinks, to me, of resentment because Margaret pointed out that whatever they intended to be doing wasn't going to work. They were trying to show off, and they didn't know what they were doing, and because she's a trauma nurse and not inclined to sit around and say nothing while people do dumb things, she stepped right in and told them what she thought. What "fun" is that? Exactly.
Later, it is suddenly Day 8. Judd and Danni bring back treemail that suggests a sporting challenge. It makes vague references to body paint and human sacrifice. Awesome! Danni talks about all the body paint and how it's just like how she puts paint on before a Chiefs football game. Oh, she's one of those people. I hate those people. ["I hate those people generally as well as her in particular, which is handy." -- Wing Chun] She crows for a while about how they've won four out of five challenges so far, and I seriously hope that's the setup for the comeuppance that she richly deserves.
Meanwhile at Yaxha, Brian tries to pump up his fundamentally unpumpable team. Jamie even tries to cover Brian's mouth near the end of his pep talk, which is a little bit jerky, but it's not like I don't understand. Lydia talks about how important the immunity challenge is, and about how much they don't want to go to tribal council. She personally doesn't want to spend any more time trying to avoid being booted, either. Yaxha spends some time getting painted up as well. Brian babbles on about how important it is not to lose any more people, and is definitely trying to get himself appointed Chief Morale Officer.
Jeff welcomes the teams to the challenge. This is another challenge where you spend more time explaining it than it really warrants, but basically, it's basketball, only you're playing it by running around on a court made of netting, and you throw the ball horizontally through a circle rather than making it drop through a hoop, and you can't move with the ball, so you have to just move it by passing it, and tackling is allowed. I really hate how Blake's chest has "Texas" painted on it. People from Texas are more obnoxious about being from their state than anyone else, ever. Other than that, it's hard to complain about how anyone looks in their body paint, because everyone looks ridiculous. Lots of feathers sticking up from people's heads. Oh, survivors, what has become of your dignity? ["I think they screen out the dignified contestants in casting." -- Wing Chun]
Jeff takes immunity back from Judd, so it's "back up for grabs." The game will be played in three-on-three arrangements. First tribe to score five will win.
The first game is between Judd/Blake/Bobby Jon and Brian/Rafe/Jamie. And as you watch this, it's hard not to notice that not only did Nakum start off with five guys to Yaxha's four, but Nakum's four remaining guys are Judd, Blake, Bobby Jon, and Farmer Beavis. While Brian appears to be a decent athlete, he's not a big huge guy, and Rafe is pretty much spaghetti-legged, and Gary is old, and Jamie is...fine, but nothing to write home about. It probably is, in terms of the guys, the biggest mismatch of athletic ability they've ever set up. The game begins. There is some back and forth, and then, ultimately, Brian gets the score for Yaxha. "Now we're doing it like the Maya did!" Jeff calls out. I hope he's embarrassed by that, watching it now. I know I'm embarrassed for him.
The round is two men and one woman: Judd/Blake/Margaret versus Rafe/Jamie/Amy. Blake scores. And furthermore, Amy's got an injury of some sort, so that will not help, considering that Steph is kind of no match for Danni AND Cindy AND Brooke AND Margaret.
up, Cindy/Brooke/Danni versus Steph/Lydia/Brianna. With the women, the athletic ability is, at best, a draw for Yaxha. In this particular matchup, they're clearly outgunned in terms of athleticism. One of the interesting pieces of this particular round is how Brianna just stands there and doesn't move, like, at all. ["That would be me, I'm embarrassed to say. It's why I failed Gym in Grade 8." -- Wing Chun] Lydia, having failed to grasp the rules, gets the ball and runs with it, so that won't work. Danni scores, so Nakum is up 2-1.
Now, Blake/Brandon/Bobby Jon versus Rafe/Gary/Brian. Nakum scores again, and they're up 3-1. Jeff reminds them all that it's 114 degrees outside. I'm sure they appreciate his bringing it up like that.
The round is Blake/Bobby Jon/ Brooke versus Rafe/Gary/Amy, with Amy limping. Nice. That's an even matchup. Rafe actually manages to score, though, much to my surprise, so now Nakum is only up 3-2. Shows you what I know.
"Men on men!" Jeff announces. And...okay, then. It's always lingered right on the edge of turning into just that kind of show, really. Judd/Bobby Jon/Blake versus Jamie/Brian/Gary. Jamie manages to score, so now we're tied. This challenge is taking way too long.
round: Danni/Cindy/Brandon versus Amy/Lydia/Rafe. Danni scores, and Nakum leads 4-3.
Now Cindy/Margaret/Danni play Steph/Lydia/Brianna. As they prepare to go out, Steph asks Brianna and Lydia if they know what a pick is. Heh. They don't. She tries to give the two-second explanation, but it's totally not happening. Again, Steph needs someone to throw it to once she gets the ball, and again, Brianna just stands there. Lydia isn't doing much better, but at least she seems to be trying. It's not editing, either: when they're showing Steph and Danni, you can actually see Brianna just standing in the corner, completely motionless. I don't know what possessed her, I really don't. It's like Jeff said "Go!," but some part of her heard, "No!" Like, "No movement! No twitching! No trying!" The tribe starts yelling at Brianna, but she doesn't move. Steph ultimately has to give the ball to Lydia so that Steph can at least move herself and pray for a pass, but Lydia immediately gets the ball stolen by Margaret, and before you know it, it's over. Among other things, Danni is about eight feet tall which, in this particular challenge, is way too much to overcome when you combine it with everything else. So Yaxha will be going back to tribal council.
Later, it is not a good time at Yaxha. Steph gives an interview that starts out okay as she expresses her frustration at being on a tribe that "doesn't seem to be too good at winning in the beginning, and someone sprains their ankle." You'll remember, she did have an ankle-sprain on her last tribe as well. She tells the tribe about how dehydrated she felt during the challenge, and how she was trying not to cry so that no more water would get out. Heh. See, if she were talking more like that -- that's kind of the way I remember her from the first time. Steph interviews that Amy has a lot of strength and is now injured, while Brianna just kind of stands around. She explains how Brianna's head was "completely up her butt" during the challenge. "I had to literally pull it out," she adds. By which she means "not literally," I certainly assume, because I really think they would have shown that, complete with a little popping sound. And then there's Lydia, whom Steph loves, but who is also not great at challenges. The thing is that Steph is basically right that her tribe is completely overmatched athletically -- I don't disagree. And the injury to Amy, who actually has some ability, really sucks. Steph's also right that Brianna reached a level of lump-like inertia that one rarely finds during a challenge, unless you're talking about one of the really Zen ones where your task is not to move. "Part of me just wishes, like, why, just once, why can't I just be on a great tribe?" Steph wonders. Ugh. It's such a bad thing to say. For one thing, most people only ever get to be on one tribe, so complaining that no matter how many times they bring you back and put you in the game, your tribe still isn't good...that's not going to make you any friends. Furthermore, Ulong certainly appeared to have it all over Koror in athleticism until they inexplicably kept getting their asses kicked. A lot of these challenges have been really close, too. The web challenge was super-close, as was the tent one earlier in this episode, and without Danni's height advantage and the fact that all the guys on Nakum who are left are athletes or are at least big like Judd, Steph's tribe could have competed in the thing today. She's not losing so badly that it's time to conclude that her tribe can't win. Also, it's just snotty, which is sad, because I don't like seeing Steph be snotty. I know what she means, and she's legitimately frustrated, but she's coming off way too self-pitying.
Amy shows the tribe her ankle, and...like many other things in this episode, that just does not look good. That is one big, round ankle. Amy waves it off, insisting that it will be fine. She interviews that she can live with it: "I'm not going to give up." Needles! You can stick needles in her eyes! You can tell that she's not as concerned about the ankle as she is about making sure the team knows she can deal, because she knows what happened when Jim's arm fell off. Gary and Steph have a chat in which Steph talks disbelievingly about how Brianna and Lydia didn't do the pick after she explained it. Oh, come on! That thirty-second explanation of a pick? Not exactly a clinic, there, KrzyzStephski. "Come up...[pant pant]...like this...[pant pant]...and then take the girl over here…." That's not going to make anyone into a strategic defender all of a sudden. Gary interviews that Lydia and Brianna have "never played a sport in their life," and says that it's a disadvantage to the team. Which I suppose is slightly true today, in a way that it is almost never true normally. And then, of course, there's Amy and her ankle.
Muppet caterpillar.
Lydia and Jamie take a walk, and Lydia argues to him that she gave it her best, which he says he knows. A double-edged sword, that argument, if you think about it. The two of them mock Brianna for the way she stood around, which I have to say she totally deserves. Jamie declares in an interview, with a surprising level of personal distaste, that Brianna is "done." He bitches to Lydia about watching Brianna lean on the pole while the rest of the team was working. He tells us, too, that he doesn't like Brianna, because he thinks she's annoying: "I like 'em crazy and pretty; she's neither." I don't think that boy is good-looking enough to be throwing stones at makeup artists, really. Just saying.
Brianna, meanwhile, has a chat with Steph. She insists that she loves the game, and that she wouldn't be here if she didn't. She interviews with some surprised concern that she somehow turned out to be the weak link in the challenge. Hard to understand how that could have happened, given the way you were standing around and doing absolutely nothing, isn't it, dear? She also says that Jamie and Lydia don't like her, so you know she has at least some mild powers of perception. Brianna gives Steph a lot of hooey about Lydia never looking her in the eye or something, like she's ferreting out guilty parties on Columbo. Brianna also insists that she is "good at reading people," which...if she is, then I'm not sure what she thought she was doing being immobile on the net while they were screaming at her. I'd think she would have "read" that they were becoming frustrated with her complete stone-like irrelevance during the game, but maybe I'm expecting too much. Brianna interviews that her vote at tribal council will be based on "trust" and "relationships." She doesn't have a relationship with Lydia. The only thing she appears to have a relationship with is gravity.
Gary, meanwhile, tells us that it's all a matter of "who's athletic and not." He carries on in this vein for a bit, and while I would normally maintain that myopic obsession with athletic ability is very foolish, I also think that for this particular tribe, they're so outgunned that I'm not surprised it came to this for them. Also, aren't athletes just better people than everyone else? I'm pretty sure I remember that from eleventh grade.
Tribal council. Jeff starts out by asking Steph if things are "feeling a little familiar." She smiles a little and acknowledges her "horrible flashbacks." She doesn't like losing, and she doesn't like coming to tribal council to get rid of anyone. Jeff baits her to talk about her frustration during the immunity challenge at the lack of help from certain people on her team. Steph affirms that, indeed, she was pretty frustrated. She says that she was with Lydia and Brianna, who "haven't really played sports, and they didn't know what a pick was, and it's frustrating, but they're doing their best." Her comments didn't play quite as badly to me on second listen as they did when I first heard them, at least, but she really, really needs to chill out about the pick, because come on. Jeff asks Brianna if it's fair for Steph to "come down on [her] because [she] didn't know what a pick was." Which isn't, in fairness, quite what Steph just did. Jeff prodded Steph to talk about her frustration, and Steph said that it frustrated her that Brianna didn't know more about sports, but she also said she knew Brianna was doing her best. Brianna says she didn't think people were coming down on her for that. Jamie rolls his eyes, which is not necessary, because this is all none of his business, and I want him to go away rather urgently all of a sudden. Brianna returns to insisting that she did her best. Again, I'm not sure that's the best possible argument. Jeff points out that Lydia, while not effective either, was at least trying. Lydia says either "I stunk today" or "I sucked today," but she adds that she was in there doing her best to help the team.
Jeff asks Brian if he thinks the tribe is outmatched. Brian admits that the other tribe may be more athletic, but he doesn't think Yaxha is outmatched "in how much we like each other." Well, then. How inspiringly...dorky. Missing the opportunity to prod Brian into a rendition of "We Are The Champions," Jeff then asks Amy about her limp. Is she concerned that she'll be booted because the team thinks she's injured? Amy says that she turned her ankle, but that it's not broken, so she's "good to go." Jeff asks Gary whether the injuries play a role in his thinking about his vote tonight. Gary says that "athleticism is big," and that people who can't help in challenges can't stay. Amy, asked again about her ankle, basically says that if she gets booted, she knows it will be because the team is worried about her ankle, and she tells them again not to be worried about her ankle, which isn't that bad: "Don't make a mistake." Jeff announces that it's time to vote.
Lydia votes. Rafe votes. Brianna votes for Lydia, saying that Lydia never looked her in the eye or talked to her. Good reason. Brian votes. Jamie votes for Brianna. "You're a girly-girl," he says. "You need to go back to the shopping mall and leave the jungle." And you need to go back to your mom's house and have her slap the grease out of your hair, smart guy. Amy votes. Gary votes. Steph votes, saying, "I have to do what's right for this tribe right now; we've got to win immunity. I can't be on a losing streak anymore." Just remember, there's no "you" in "team." Jeff goes off to tally the votes.
One for Brianna. One for Lydia. Brianna, Brianna, Brianna, Brianna. They certainly are remaining unified, if nothing else. I'm shocked at the total failure of this tribe to do any apparent strategizing at all. If there are alliances or groupings, even social ones, I don't see them yet. It's extremely weird. I don't see them on Nakum either, unless you count the fact that people don't seem to like Margaret. Odd.
Jeff razzes the tribe about the hazards of "voting based solely on physical strength." Because Brianna was...a genius? He sends the group back to camp, and we are finished suffering for another week.
In her interview, Brianna basically admits that she wasn't athletic enough. "It was the best eight days of my life," she says. I'm always surprised when people say that. I mean...really? Better than time with your family? Even when these eight days end in total loss? Seems odd to me.
week: Crocodile! Farmer Beavis has it rough, which is good. Also: Twist! Or something.