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Previously on I Wouldn't Say Ken and Barbie, So Much As Greg(g) and Marcia: It was revealed that Gregg and Anonymous Jen were keeping company at Koror, much to the scandalized delight of Coby. Coby's gasping joy only grew when he learned that in addition to the contortions involved in winding their limbs around each other in various formations, Gregg and Anonymous Jen were planning to bolt from Ian, Tom, and Katie once Willard and Caryn were gone. Meanwhile, both tribes had to go to tribal council, and after a weird switcheroo where Ulong wanted to vote off the challenge-blowing Ibrehem and was stopped by Koror, they booted Angie instead. Oh, and Koror booted Willard, because they literally could not think of one reason to consider doing anything else at all, making it possibly the least-discussed eviction in the history of the show. Willard went off to his room to think about what he had done.
Ulong. Night 12, after tribal council. A crab is on the move, because he knows a sinking ship when he sees one. As the miserable little tribe stumbles back into camp, Ibrehem interviews that it was the wackiest tribal council ever, what with going in there being sure that he was going to be booted, and then...not! Also, as Wing pointed out last week, who ever heard of beef stew and root beer? Not that Ibrehem really attacks on that front. The team has a meeting at which Steph starts talking about how, at the challenge, they should work on "listening skills," and quite brilliantly, James just starts talking over her about how important that is, and how right she is, all the while entirely stepping on what she's trying to say. "Keep your eeeears open, and listen to yo' teammates," James blathers. See, it's like irony, but more hillbilly.
Steph explains how Ibrehem knows that he was the one who was going to go, and he knows he'll go , as far as she's concerned. James decides that they should relive the entire thing again, some more, and he launches into a rant about how Ibrehem wasn't paying attention at the challenge, and "you cost us the game," blah dee blah. Bobby Jon interviews that he didn't appreciate James going after Ibrehem about the same old thing yet again, when as far as he's concerned, they both win and lose as a team. "If you can't get over beef stew, please," Bobby Jon says. Heh. And root beer!
And then it is the day, and Ibrehem is doing his prayers. I think he's the first active Muslim castaway, isn't he? I mean, one you actually see praying? I think he is. Mostly, in terms of spirituality, it's pretty much Bibles and yoga. Anyway, Ibrehem explains that, usually, he's able to get away on his own to do this, and he segues directly into how God had a hand in saving him at tribal council. Sigh. He tells us that he has "a whole new grasp" as the result of the intervention of...well, you know. It's good to see that the belief that God intervenes in reality television is an interfaith kinda thing.
“ They find a tube that has a lone Pringle tied to it. Boy, if that's not the foundation of a poem, people, I just don't know. ”
Koror. Ian interviews that they voted Willard off, and then the group got some beef stew, and everybody seems good. Tom interviews similarly that people are doing "projects" around camp. Coby is already all wound up when we get to his interview. "Camp Koror had Craft Day," he singsongs. "Well, just Katie. Everybody else was working." And in the clips we see, Katie is indeed weaving something, but Coby is mostly...watching her, so I'm not sure what his great contribution is. In fact, Katie interviews that she's doing great, and "thought it would be harder than this." We watch Caryn ask Katie about what she's weaving, and then Caryn complains in her interview that she also thinks Katie should "work a little harder." Because, as Caryn says, "It appears that she's just here to entertain." I think Caryn and Coby need to start getting hip to the fact that nobody votes you off Survivor because you don't do enough work around camp, so unless Katie cares what Coby and Caryn think of her, which she undoubtedly doesn't, she has her role down perfectly well -- her role is Girl In Majority Alliance. And I believe it's Ian and Katie who are then seen putting on a puppet show with socks, in which they act out tribal council. Katie has puppet-Bobby Jon say, among other things, "Ah look like Jesus Christ!" He doesn't, really, but I'm telling you, it's the dress. But...hey, wait -- there's a third person popping up from behind the puppet-show curtain. It's Coby! I thought he was working! Wait, and there are Gregg and Jen in the hammock together! I thought everyone was working but Katie! She was the only one who had Craft Day! Coby said so! Well, I suppose Coby is right that he didn't quite have Craft Day. He had Puppet Day, which is apparently a far more serious undertaking.
Later, Janu and Katie head out to get treemail, and they find a tube that has a lone Pringle tied to it. Boy, if that's not the foundation of a poem, people, I just don't know. When they read the bad rhyme, it becomes clear that there's some kind of aiming/shooting competition to come, and apparently, this is the crap-ass Pringles reward that has become traditional. When Katie tells the team that Pringles are involved, incidentally, she seems a lot happier than anyone else. You know how there's that one girl on your floor in college who still likes Jolly Ranchers? Well, Katie is that girl, except with Pringles. And apparently, Koror's clawing-the-air-and-hollering thing has really taken off, because the entire team does it, like a cheer. Is it from "Ko-RAAAR!"? Because...well, all right. But it's dopey. Of course, at my high school, they spelled out "Q-U-A-K-E-R-S" as a football cheer, so what the hell do I know?
“ I love when Jeff tells the teams it's a chance to 'get some food in your belly,' because... Jeff, it's Pringles, dude. That's salt and instant potato powder. That's like trying to get nutrition from ground Styrofoam floating in weak tea. ”
Challenge clearing. Jeff brings in Koror, and then Ulong. Jeff explains that there are sixteen tribe-colored tiles hung up, eight for each tribe. With "a replica of a 50-caliber small-class cannon," which looks a lot like an air gun you'd aim and shoot at Chuck E. Cheese (well, you wouldn't shoot it at Chuck E. Cheese; you'd shoot it while at Chuck E. Cheese -- you know what I'm saying), each tribe will try to knock out its own tiles. The reward is that the winners get on a "very unique [sic] one-of-a-kind Japanese boat." They'll have Pringles and mai tais, just like they serve at a Polynesian mini-mart. Then they'll head out to Jellyfish Lake, which houses millions of jellyfish, among whom the tribe will snorkel. But don't worry -- they're safe jellyfish, because they live in fresh water and thus have no need or ability to sting. I love when Jeff tells the teams it's a chance to "get some food in your belly," because...Jeff, it's Pringles, dude. That's not food in your belly. That's salt and instant potato powder. That's like trying to get nutrition from ground Styrofoam floating in weak tea.
Koror is first challenged to sit half of the team. Ian says they'll sit Katie, Janu, Jen, and Ian himself. Presumably, they know that this leaves those four for the immunity challenge, which...wow. Anyway. Jeff sends those sitting out over to the bench, and we are off. Ulong is up first, and we start with Bobby Jon. Miss. Gregg. Miss. James. Miss. Coby. Miss. Ibrehem. Miss. Tom. Hit, of course. Of course. So Koror is up 1-0. And then Steph, and -- guess what? She hits, too. Tied 1-1. Caryn is up. Miss, duh. (It's Caryn.) Bobby Jon hits, giving Ulong a 2-1 lead. Gregg then hits, so it's 2-2. James misses again. Coby misses again. Ibrehem hits, so Ulong has it 3-2. Tom misses -- shock! Steph hits again, unsurprisingly. Ulong is up 4-2. Caryn hits (goes to show me), Bobby Jon hits, Gregg hits, so now it's 5-4 Ulong. And then it's James. Who misses again. Much missing ensues, until Steph steps up and puts Ulong up 6-4. Caryn hits for Koror, so it's 6-5. Bobby Jon connects for a 7-5 lead. Gregg gets Koror back to 7-6. And then James steps up for Ulong -- and misses again. Coby hits, so we're in a 7-7 tie. Ibrehem gets up. He misses. Tom is up for Koror. And he misses! Unbelievable. Steph gets up for Ulong, and she wants it bad. And she hits, of course, because she is completely awesome. Koror steps up to go for the tie, and the pressure is all on Caryn. Who misses, because she is Caryn, and she is not awesome under pressure. So did you get that? Ulong actually wins the challenge. I know! Apparently, they win without James's doing a damn thing. I very much like the Ulong celebration, especially the way that Ibrehem grabs up Steph and they look about as happy as if they had already just won the million dollars. Koror goes home empty-handed, and Jeff tells Ulong that they'll be going off for the party they obviously need very badly. Bobby Jon gives Steph one of those slightly protective, very admiring, mildly smothering hugs that certain guys can deliver in such a way that they could go on for an hour and a half, for all you'd care. Aw. I wish they weren't doomed.
“ Steph says that the team now feels healthy and confident and ready to go. Because again, they never, ever, ever see it coming, no matter how many times it happens. ”
When we return, Ulong is paddling out to the boat as Stephenie interviews that she loved getting the win, which the team needed to "boost [their] spirits." They make their way up onto a big boat that turns out to have a sort of a party room inside. And there are the mai tais, and there are the cans of Pringles. Rather goofily, they have Pringles "Prints," on which there are questions written about past Survivor players. The first one is about Rupert, so I try not to pay attention. The question deals with who won a car on All-Stars, and that just makes me think of Shii Ann's free car again, which I hated very much, so I'm basically just getting more and more angry. Ultimately, Ulong has a toast in which they agree that they will engage in no further pathetic loserdom. Which is...you know, a likely story. As part of the sealing of the promises among them, the almost impossibly hot Bobby Jon, who is most definitely one of those lucky guys whose looks benefit tremendously from increases in scraggliness and desperation, encourages the rest of the team just to keep on going. I am not paying attention to one word he says.
, Ulong is delivered to the lake. They look down and see that the lake is indeed full to the brim with jellyfish. They strap on their snorkel gear as Bobby Jon explains how weird the experience was. We watch as the tribe members make their way through what is genuinely a veritable forest of jellyfish, which Bobby Jon calls "a euphoric type of feeling." I sort of think it would feel like having bugs crawling all over you, rather more "unbelievably creepy" than "euphoric," but...okay. ["I'm with you. Fish freak me out." -- Wing Chun] As he dives, Bobby Jon tells us that he wanted to cherish the experience, because he was at a place in the world where he'll never be again. Oh, Bobby Jon, you big sap. Steph says that the team now feels healthy and confident and ready to go. Because again, they never, ever, ever see it coming, no matter how many times it happens. "We feel like a tribe again," she says. Behold, the power of Pringles. (You know, one of my college friends was very interested in the fact that they eventually changed the slogan from "Behold, the power of cheese" to "Ah, the power of cheese." He hypothesized that people found the first one too threatening.)
Koror, Night 11. there is quite a storm kicking up as the tribe frets over its surroundings. Fortunately, they're fairly confident that their crew-built shelter will hold up -- Ian enough that he looks at the heavens and says, "I'd like to see 'em try!" Wow, that's a good way to be immediately hit by a bolt of lightning that leaves a little pile of greasy ashes where you used to be. ["It's especially ballsy coming from Ian, who is taller than some actual lightning rods." -- Wing Chun] Tom interviews that, with the increasing winds, he's very aware of every gust.
“ 'Make this box impenetrable,' the instructions say. Of course, you're not really going to make it impenetrable by tying it up with rope, or safe deposit boxes would look really different, but you get the idea. ”
But before you know it, the members of Koror have apparently (and unexpectedly!) survived, because morning comes on Day 14, and the sun is out. The rest of the tribe is sort of grumping about the tough night they had, but Janu looks even rougher than the rest of them. You know that girl who just broke up with her boyfriend, and she kind of can't stand up, and people keep bringing her Diet Cokes and issues of Us Weekly? Well, even she would look over at Janu and say, "Oh, honey, it's not that bad." Janu interviews that she felt "vulnerable," "alone," and "scared." Because that's what storms do, apparently -- they make you lonely. Hey, you know what she needs? Company. Like...about a million jellyfish would be good. Of course, I think a million jellyfish would be of the most help to her if she could eat them, because yikes. She continues to sort of sit in the hammock looking miserable, and Tom tries to see if he can cheer her up. He tells her that he, too, feels what a bad day it is, and he's especially missing his family. He tells her just to let today suck, and then get on with tomorrow. Such good advice, seriously. The rest of the tribe listens in as Tom reassures Janu that now she knows she's not going home early. She'll make the merge, he thinks she'll make jury, and he thinks that she has a shot at the end, which I don't think is the case, but I realize this wouldn't be the time to tell her, "You could finish as high as fifth or sixth, probably, if you do everything exactly right." Janu insists that she lacks the strength, but Tom tells her she has it in general, even if she doesn't have it today. Aw. Katie interviews that Janu lets herself get too wrapped up in her own head. I sense that Katie doesn't have that problem, if you see my point. She refers to Janu as a "drama queen," which...I kind of understand. Because it does seem a little overdone, the whole thing.
At Ulong on Day 14, they go and get a crate from treemail, and the crate is attached to a note. The note, in alarmist military-style lingo, explains that the other team (referred to in the note as "your enemy," because of the theme, you know?) will be trying to open this box to get out its flag, and your job is to tie up the box with ropes to make it as hard to get into as possible. "Make this box impenetrable," the instructions say. Of course, you're not really going to make it impenetrable by tying it up with rope, or safe deposit boxes would look really different, but you get the idea. And then the instructions say that you're to bring the box with you to the challenge. Which Koror probably would have figured out without help, but Ulong? Not likely. Ulong would have brought the crate to tribal council but not to the challenge. It's actually a good thing they didn't win the beef stew, or they'd probably have tried to patch their shoes with it.