Previously on The Stomping Of Asses That Lag, And Other Fantasies: James threatened to mess with any Ulongians who failed to perform to their fullest potential, be all they could be, climb every mountain, never walk alone, and move that rubber-tree plant. The selection of leaders for what turned out to be a potty-building challenge revealed the first signs of tension at Koror, where Coby really didn't think it was fair for other people to like each other more than they liked him, because it's really not polite to play card games in the dorm lounge that not everyone can join in on, so instead of bridge, couldn't you guys play Go Fish? (Sorry. Flashback. That did really happen, though. Oh, Oberlin.) Ulong, on the other hand, could barely bring itself to choose a "leader" without gagging on the inappropriateness of the term in the context of their actual team, but they eventually wound up under the drawling thumb of James. Angie's swimsuit continued to struggle for fundamental viability and appeared to be no match for the elements. Koror's bathroom ultimately reigned supreme, and the construction department built them a new shelter as a reward. At the Sumo-rrific immunity challenge, the women of Ulong tried to keep the tribe in the game, but it wasn't happening, because boys are dumb, and they wound up -- despite Angie's anguished hollers -- heading back to tribal council. Again. There, the least suspenseful booting of all time occurred when Kim, barely able to remain in the tribe the week in spite of the presence of an injured guy who actively wanted to leave, was finally snuffed. Oh, and James took to dressing like Jesus. At least each person will only have to deny him once. Fourteen are left. Who will go home ?
We open at Koror on Night 11, where the new story, accompanied by doodly piano music, is that Gregg and Anonymous Jen are snuggling off in the corner. She giggles. A lot. Oh, man. And she giggles in that high-pitched "huh-huh-huh" way, too. If you were a seventeen-year-old very pretty girl who happened to be a good comedic actress, you would obtain praise in your first supporting role for being inventive enough to come up with that very laugh and brave enough to subject audiences to it. I can kind of see why they didn't show her talking before now, because I wouldn't have relished hearing that voice week in and week out. It would have made an appropriate accompaniment to Wanda's singing. ["I'm so glad you commented on this, because that's the kind of laugh where, even if Jen were the coolest person in the world, we couldn't be friends because the laugh would make me want to murder her." -- Wing Chun] At any rate, the ever-sharp Coby says in an interview that Gregg and Jen have "teamed off." Is that...a euphemism? A lack of clue? Both? Because..."teamed off"? At any rate, Coby's airtight evidence that they've "teamed off" is that Anonymous Jen "had her hand on Gregg's stomach." I don't even think I needed that part after all the breathless giggling. Anyway, Coby says that Gregg and Anonymous Jen must think the tribe is stupid if they think no one knows they're "together."
In the other developing Koror story, the team looks around for Willard, who is over in the hammock. They ask Willard to tend the fire overnight. "You're in charge of the fire unless you wake somebody up," they say. Go to bed, old man!
Over at Ulong, the tribe is being attacked by a great big storm. In response, they've decided to bail out and head for the cave where they relocated their fire once before. An authoritative James orders everyone "in line, now." Gee, thanks, Dad. You're pretty intimidating in your belted tunic. Steph explains that when they got back from tribal council and found the storm approaching, James and Bobby Jon had the brilliant idea of heading for the cave to avoid the weather. Unfortunately, as they make their way through the darkness in search of the cave, they quickly become lost, which really isn't all that surprising under the circumstances. You can see why all the night-vision cameras, because it would ruin this story entirely if this group weren't so helpless. Bobby Jon explains that it was maybe three hundred yards to the cave from the shelter, and in his usual after-the-fact self-flagellating manner, he says that he was indeed the one trying to lead the team through the woods. He adds that he'd "never really been real lost before in the wilderness, especially at night." He really is like something out of The Waltons sometimes. The tribe tries to find the cave some more, but they run into a rock wall. "I think we're totally lost," Angie says. James insists that it's "an adventure," but Angie is having none of it, and continues to complain that they're on a road to nowhere. This leads to the first conflict we've seen between her and Bobby Jon, where although he's still calling her "baby," he's not thrilled with her complaining and she's not thrilled with his aimless meandering in the dark. Isn't that always the way? She interviews that she thought the idea of hunting for the cave at night was insane to begin with, because they were never going to find anything like that. She ultimately tells the tribe that she's going back to camp, and Steph comments that she can't really go back alone. "Why can't I?" Angie wonders. "Who says I have to go with you guys and get lost in the jungle?" Oh, Tattoo Girl. The last thing you want to do with a team that is this likely to have to boot someone soon is make yourself stick out.
James complains that Angie "wanted to quit," because "she's one of those folks that says, 'I can't do this.'" You know, depending on what "this" is, some of those folks are the ones we call "people who live a long, long time," while the other folks are the ones we call "people who become famous for dying in ways that make people read about them in the paper and mutter, 'Well, dummy.'" James insists that Angie was sure they would "never" find it, and his attitude is "never say never." But when the lightning and thunder pick up, Steph points out that a giant stand of trees isn't really where they recommend you be in that situation lest you wind up rather southern-fried. Furthermore, she's coming to grips with the fact that they really don't seem to know where they're going and apparently aren't going to figure it out. Steph interviews that, indeed, Ulong eventually gave up and headed back to camp, where it poured down rain on them all night. As they lie around the wet, dark shelter, despondent, James starts to lecture them on not quitting, which...whatever. He bugs me, and there's an exchange of "Amen"s with Bobby Jon, and of course, extraneous blessings always make me kind of irritated.
The morning, Day 12, there's a rainbow, but that's just about the only good news we have available. James and his tattered, dirty Jesus dress do look rather epic and Biblical as he surveys the damage done overnight by the storm. ("And lo, there came a storm upon the land, and James said, 'Ah'm 'on bust some skulls a-this bad boy.'") He comments to Bobby Jon that it looks like there's even more rain coming, and we watch a miserable Angie look around the camp in distress. She says that everyone is freezing and wet, and today doesn't look like it's going to get better. "This is a rough one," she says.
Over at Koror, there is a fascinating little piece of footage as a rather audacious shark very nearly beaches itself, flapping around in the very shallow water before vanishing again, all, "La la la, don't mind me, I'm not here, you didn't seeeee me." Tom is lying in the hammock this morning, and he looks rather worn out. He tells us that his grumpiness is a result of not getting any sleep because he was up all night looking after the fire. Furthermore, he didn't enjoy the fact that, when he was poking the coals, he had to keep crawling over Willard, who was -- you got it -- sleeping in the hammock and not, as it turns out, tending the fire. An unflattering shot of Willard yawning is inserted for emphasis. Willard yawns. He is lazy. Do you get it? Tom says that there were a lot of "hints" provided to Willard about his helping with the fire, but he didn't seem to take them. In a line I think is pretty funny, Tom says that Willard is either intentionally making Tom exhausted by making him stay up all night, or he just doesn't feel like doing his share unless someone absolutely forces the issue. I like the idea of Willard plotting to destroy Tom through strategic lethargy. I wish I thought he had it in him. Gregg and Tom then have a fireside chat in which Tom points out that while Willard may not be able to do as much because of his age, it's not like he couldn't come over and put a damn log on the fire from time to time. Gregg is in agreement. Moreover, he comments, "The longer you keep him around, the more likely he is to screw you." Yeah! That crafty...Willard. They agree it's "discouraging," and Tom adds that in the real world, he'd probably "unload on" someone who wasn't pitching in to this degree. Gregg interviews that the endless string of immunity challenges has kept Willard from needing to worry about votes, and has essentially given him a "free ride." In Gregg's mind, Willard has "been able to play this game a lot longer than he should." Take that, Grandpa!
We now swoop over the ridiculously blue water of a challenge beach and a couple of floating platforms. Jeff gathers the group out on the platforms and asks them if they're ready for the challenge. Having no choice, they say they are, so that Jeff doesn't hurt them. Jeff says that both tribes will race to "a Japanese shipwreck." They'll retrieve sake bottles that are tied down at the bottom. The way you do this is that somebody sits on a skiff and the rest of the team uses pulleys to move the person out to a buoy. Under the buoy is where the bottles are. The person arrives at the buoy, dives, gets a bottle, and comes back up, and then the tribe pulls the person back. First tribe to get six bottles will win reward. And what is the reward? Well, the reward is getting to eat a little bit later. The bad news is that you'll eat at tribal council, because tonight, both teams have to go, and each team has to vote someone off. The reward (thus far) is only that the team that wins will get to watch the other team's tribal council, so you (1) eat; and (2) see what the dynamics of the other tribe are like. Which...I mean, I suppose that could be useful, strategically, but not very. I always think obtaining information is highly overrated, and I'd think a smart team could keep from telling you very much that would be useful to you. Ha ha ha! "Smart team." No, seriously.
Anyway, Koror has to sit four people out as a result of its huge numbers advantage, and those people are Willard, Caryn, Katie, and Janu. (Janu, incidentally, looks skinnier already than most people have ever looked after thirty-nine days. Coming to this game with zero body fat just is not smart, no matter how good your condition is.) Ready? Go! Anonymous Jen and Steph are the first two to be hauled out by their teams. Ulong gets Steph out slightly faster, so she's in the water first, followed by Anonymous Jen. Anonymous Jen emerges faster with a bottle, though, and both teams drag the skiffs back, Koror pulling out to a small lead. Gregg and Angie head out . Angie dives, Gregg dives. They surface; they're pulled back. Ulong has a small lead that grows a little as Gregg apparently is hard for the rest of Koror to pull, giving Ibrehem a good-sized advantage over the Kororian to go, who is Coby. Things are looking good for Ulong, until Ibrehem dives down and winds up nowhere near the bottles. He surfaces without one, and then has to go down again. The second time Ibrehem goes down, he manages to find a bottle, but he can't get it untied, and when Coby comes up with his bottle, Koror is suddenly ahead again. Ibrehem tries to dive a third time, but he can't seem to stay down, and he immediately comes back up and has to be pulled back to the team without a bottle, making that an enormous time suck for Ulong, not like they needed one. Meanwhile, Coby comes back and Tom goes out. Ulong is now well behind as it sends Bobby Jon out. Tom and Bobby Jon both dive; they both get bottles, but Tom is ahead, and that's not even counting the extra bottle Koror is already ahead. Ian goes out for Koror, followed closely by James for Ulong. "Ulong's going to need a miracle," Jeff says. I have to think that's just not likely.
Ian dives. James dives. For whatever reason, James immediately spots and retrieves a bottle, while Ian has the Ibrehem problem and doesn't even seem to see the bottles at all. He comes to the top, and the team reminds him that he's looking for a white bottle. James returns, and who goes out ? Yes, it's ass-kicking Steph. She and Ian are down at the same time, and Ian finally gets a bottle just as she gets one too. Again, Steph is certainly making an admirable effort to drag her sorry-ass team back into things. As soon as she and Ian return to the platforms with their bottles, they both head right back out again, because with all the team members having gone, they can send whomever they'd like. Ian dives. Steph dives. Ian comes up with the sixth bottle for Koror, and they haul him back. Steph comes up with the final bottle for Ulong, but they can't get her back quite fast enough. Can't say she didn't try, that's for sure. Ian hits the platform, and Koror wins reward. Angie is despondent. Jeff reminds them that first, Koror will go tonight and vote someone out. Then, they'll sit in the jury area and eat as Ulong votes someone out. Angie cries all over her...whatever, dragonflies and hula girls and whatnot. A depressed Ulong and a happy Koror go home. Again.
We return to Koror's beach, where the jubilant tribe is just getting home. Ian says that it was a challenge they needed (I can't imagine why, to be honest), and that "unfortunately," they still have to boot someone this evening. He expresses some sympathy for Ulong, which is being "decimated" (which...Ulong only wishes, actually), and that after this evening, there will be four Ulongians and eight Kororians remaining. It is indeed a pretty bad spanking that was delivered in this game, that's for sure. You know, I think conventional wisdom has always been that Burnett wouldn't let a team be demolished like this...goes to show you what we all know.
As Koror talks about what a lucky break Ibrehem's bad showing was, Ian interviews that he looks forward to watching Ulong do the voting thing and find out what the dynamics are. I'm telling you, I don't think it really matters, when you're looking at a tribe that's so damn small. It's not like anyone has to figure out how to foil four people. Oh, and Ian also tells us that, as to the eating part, he looks forward to "a party in [his] mouth," which tells me one thing: Ian watches Iron Chef. And that is awesome. As the team sits around and talks, Coby tells them all that they should try to be nice and sensitive about eating in front of hungry, hungry Ulong. They all make like they agree, but it's hard to actually do that. Besides, I think witnessing the eating itself is going to be the biggest issue for Ulong. I mean, I agree that not being any more asshole-ish than necessary is always a nice touch, though. Ian then sings a little song about how happy he is not to have to go fishing or hunting for clams or whatever. I don't normally support random singing, but he's still pretty darn cute.
Over at Ulong, the tribe is rowing into camp as James complains in an interview that they "had it in the bag. Then...Ibrehem." Well, God knows it's a good thing he's got the blame all assigned already. Wouldn't want to waste any time there. "We lost because of him," James says. "He gave up. His heart wasn't in it." Of course, James was the first one to yell at Ibrehem to get back on the raft and stop trying, so...what? Oh, and then James says, "If his heart was in it, he would have told us, 'Look, I can't do it.' That would have been the manly thing to do." What? What what? How would that prove his heart was in it? That's crazy talk, not that I should be surprised. Because...it's James. The team (minus Ibrehem) has a chat in which Steph talks about how much watching Koror eat is going to suck, and Bobby Jon tries to tell her that "everything happens for a reason." Well, sure it does, Bobby Jon. Like your team being very, very bad. That's a reason. Steph offers an interview in which she says that se's been an athlete her whole life, and that she's "just not a good loser." She says she can't understand how the tribe keeps losing, and she's "hoping for a merge, really." I love how this entire tribe just cannot wait not to exist.
Ibrehem interviews that he does indeed feel like he lost the challenge for the team, perhaps as a result of having "panicked a little bit" at the feeling that he was "taking too much time." And now? He has to chase away a bug from his face while he's talking. That's hardly fair. (Insert unbelievably lame "adding insect to injury" joke that's really beneath us all, but occurred to me nonetheless, because I am very sleepy.) Ibrehem owns up in front of everyone, and no one offers him any comfort. Why would they? This is a time for bitterness. Ibrehem tells us that in all the other challenges, he did do his best and never gave up, but that he knows that, as a result of what happened today, he's undoubtedly the A-1 target for booting at this evening's tribal council. It's hard when you're Ulong, too, because practically everyone is so deserving of going home. Certainly everyone who's a guy. Ibrehem asks Bobby Jon to let him know, if possible, what's up before it happens. I'm always so fascinated by people to whom it's really important to know in advance if they're going. Because...it's not like you can count on it anyway, so what good is it to you? But Bobby Jon agrees, as people usually do, because agreeing to things with people where they'll be gone by the time it matters is basically free. It's how used cars are sold. Bobby Jon interviews that while he likes Ibrehem, he also thinks that it's fair that he be booted after the performance at the challenge today. I suppose it's as good a reason as any, given the tribe's entirely nonexistent strategy.
At Koror, much of the team -- sans Willard -- chats out in the water about booting him. They refer to him as "a thinker dude," among other things. Yes, a "thinker dude." The most dangerous kind. Tom espouses a truly strange theory that if they keep Willard around, he'll start winning immunities when it's "all puzzles," and he'll wind up in the final two. I think that is highly unlikely, as it is very unlikely to be all puzzles, and a physically weak player with no allies is not a likely F2 prospect, and I'm not sure Willard is rocking any endurance challenges, but...whatever. As to Willard possibly making F2, Tom remarks, "I can't live with that." They agree that they need to keep the tribe strong going into the merge. Willard interviews that he's known all along that he'd likely be voted out first, so here we are, and it looks like he'll probably go. Ho-hum. It's easy with the ones who decide not to put up much of a fight. Willard insists that trying to change the outcome would be like "trying to fight gravity," and somewhere, many physicists are like, "Okay, it's not really exactly like that."
Willard goes out and talks to Coby about figuring he's probably going, and about whether Coby could fit into his shorts -- presumably wondering if he should leave them behind. Coby doesn't even try to deny it, because this is Willard's "goodbye, cruel world" moment, and it would be wrong to deny it to him. Willard tells Coby that he had his good and bad moments, and had fun, and seasons in the sun, and so forth. Coby complains to Willard that it's sad that Willard is going before Katie, who's "so worthless." Worthless people are such a draaaag. Willard says that the game is about personalities, and that he has "almost no ability to schmooze." Right. In other words, people who get along with each other are phonies, which is one of my favorite philosophies. It's basically the old-man version of the ever-annoying "I'm just keepin' it real!" defense that's been chapping me for many seasons of many shows.
Coby interviews that tonight will indeed see the booting of Willard. And again, he says that there's nothing he can do to change that, given that he doesn't "have the numbers." He says that at this point, attempts to change the outcome would only make things worse for Coby himself. "It's a popularity contest," he reasons. "If I act like a bitch, nobody's going to like me. I'm not going to stick around." Coby and Willard share another warm moment in which Willard refers to himself as a "curmudgeon." Yep. He is most definitely keeping it real. Coby returns in his interview to the topic of how much he doesn't like Katie. "She doesn't do anything, and she's stiiiiill here," he whines nasally. Yeah, she's not like Coby, who...does a lot, I'm sure, not that we've ever seen very much of it. He claims that he will be very upset if Katie gets farther in the game than he does, which is the kind of comment that always makes me instantly hope that she gets farther in the game than he does. Especially since he promises to "puke, puke, puke."
In a sequence I do not enjoy because it involves two people who are dully self-satisfied, Gregg asks Coby whether he knows about the vote and is "cool with that." Coby tries for "bitter ironic laughter" or something as he looks away and then looks back. That was...obnoxious. Gregg asks Coby if he wants to take a walk, and Coby agrees. They wander off, and when they finally stop to talk, Gregg tells Coby, basically, that he and Anonymous Jen are aware that they're stuck in a five-person alliance in which they're a minority. In other words, Ian, Tom, and Katie will ultimately stick together, in all likelihood. Thus, Anonymous Jen and Gregg have a plan to switch, once they're rid of everyone else, and make a new four-person alliance with Coby and Janu, in order to boot Tom, Ian, and Katie. This, of course, delights Coby to no end, because he doesn't like Ian, Tom, or Katie, and because it's his first glimmer of hope at not being ultimately crushed under the wheels of that five-person alliance.
It's an interesting strategy lesson, because it's always been clear that the emergence of a sub-alliance before its time is the biggest threat to a larger alliance. (See: Ami.) If you're going to survive, you either have to avoid the emergence of sub-alliances altogether or you have to confuse people endlessly as to what your sub-alliances actually are. (See: Boston Rob.) Of course, Gregg talks about it as if the unmerged Koror is going to go on indefinitely, saying that once they get rid of Willard and Caryn, there will be seven, and then they'll do the switch and so forth. And that undoubtedly won't happen -- there will be a merge at some point. It doesn't mean they can't do the same thing provided they effectively get rid of the Ulongians once there's a merge, but his plan is certainly missing a step or two. At any rate, Coby interviews all about how interesting this was and so forth, and he treats it like it's a giant scandal. Oh, and he calls Gregg and Anonymous Jen "Ken and Barbie." I'll buy the part where they're plastic, that's for sure. Big trailer, house with an eternally broken elevator...good times. Coby tells us that "the game is just now getting interesting." For him, that is. It was already interesting for me. He claims to be "very excited" that "the game is going to a new level." Eh.
Tom and Gregg have a talk in which they reaffirm that Willard is going, and that he seems relatively at peace with it. Gregg interviews that, in fact, he's not entirely sure what he and Anonymous Jen are going to do. So Coby isn't sitting quite as pretty as he thinks, because what Gregg is doing is leaving himself a couple of choices. He says he could stay with the alliance he's in now, or he could do the new one. And that's pretty well played, really, to leave himself that opening. He partly capitalized on the animosity Coby feels toward Tom and Ian, because Coby is probably going to cling blindly to the hope that Gregg's going to do what he said he would, in spite of the fact that there are reasons to believe he might not. Gregg and Anonymous Jen relax in the hammock, and she giggles. Again. I have a vision of sticking a pompom up her nose. I wonder what that's about. Gregg also claims to be unhappy about being perceived as part of "a cute couple." I don't think they're cute at all, if that makes him feel any better.
Oh, look. Tribal council already. Jeff introduces Koror to its torches for the first time, and they get fire here in the fifth episode -- the first time any of them has done this. Pretty impressive. ["Especially considering they're still only here because everyone has to boot someone, and not because they lost an immunity challenge." -- Wing Chun] Jeff says they "have a lot to cover," and that he wants to start with leaderships and friendships and whatnot. He asks Katie who the leaders of the tribe are. She says it depends on what you mean. In terms of challenges, it's usually Tom. In terms of feeding the tribe, it would be Ian. Jeff asks Tom if he intended to be a leader. Tom says he didn't, really; he intended to come in and "be the forty-year-old dad," all hanging back (yeah, that would have worked), but because the tribe was physically weaker at the beginning, everyone had to "turn it on 110%." Math takes such a beating on this show, I swear. Jeff asks Coby if he's "social with this tribe." I don't even know what that means, but Coby insists that he's really social. "I get along with everybody," he insists, going on to talk about what bad things can happen when you're "too friendly." It doesn't make a lot of sense to me personally, but that's not exactly a first at tribal council. Or for Coby. Or on reality television. Or today. So...you know, fine. And then there is more talk of, quite honestly, keeping it real.
Jeff asks Gregg what friendships he's started to notice, and Coby cocks an eyebrow knowingly. Because of sex. Gregg talks about the obvious bond between Tom and Ian, which he compares to "a father-son relationship." "I'm the father," Ian puts in, and then Tom pats him on the head, and it's really funny. Well, it is to me, but I'm fatigued from Coby believing himself to be hilarious and adorable. Gregg says that it's not like that friendship (between Ian and Tom) is "hidden or secretive." True. He adds that Coby and Janu also seem to get along great. And Willard and Caryn. Which...we've never seen, but okay. Katie loves everyone, Gregg claims, which is more convenient than saying, "Katie's kind of...extra," and that leaves...scandal! Namely, it leaves the scandal of himself and Anonymous Jen. "So that's a different type of friendship, then," Jeff presses. Gregg calls it "a strong bond." Which is very romantic, only not really. "It's nothing super-intense at this point," Gregg says. And that's even more not very romantic. I don't think that's going in her diary, that it's "nothing super-intense at this point." Not that I'm confident she can spell all those words anyway, since all Jen's done for five episodes is hammock-based giggling. Jeff asks Willard how he thinks he's perceived, and Willard says he's probably perceived "as one of the weaker players." He adds, "I'm not as strong as I thought I'd be." I hope not.
Jeff asks Gregg how big an issue trust is, sort of apropos of nothing except that trust is here and Gregg and Jeff are here, so they might as well talk about it, and Gregg says that "it's about to kick in," seeing how this is their first trip to tribal council. Now all their trust will be tested, blah blah blah. But now, there's no time for testing, because it's time to vote. Willard goes first, silently and unsurprisingly voting for Katie. Everyone else votes. "You're crabby and you're bitter," Katie snots while voting for Willard, not making herself look particularly great in the process. You're already getting rid of him, dear. You could be a little gracious. I mean, maybe you couldn't.
Jeff goes off, and then he returns with the urn-o-votes. First vote is Katie, which I'm sure isn't pleasant for her. Then it's all Willard from there, so he's done. Willard comes over to Jeff to be snuffed. Once he has been, he turns back to the tribe. "Stay strong; stick to the plan; finish them off," he says forcefully. Wow. That was very Mortal Kombat for a guy who couldn't even poke a few embers to keep himself alive. Everyone bids Willard farewell. When he's gone, Jeff says that Ulong will now be brought in, and they'll be able to "partake in [their] reward." Koror is sent over to the jury area to wait and eat and stuff. We then see Willard's exit interview, in which he says that he surprised himself with how not-strong he turned out to be. "There are times I get crabby," he allows, but he chalks it up to the lack of water and sleep. Which I'm sure plays a role. And he thinks the tribe is made up of "good people, by and large." In Ian's case? Really large. (Sue me; it's what came to mind.)
Back around the fire now, Koror is seated and Ulong is on its way in. The hungry ones sit down for the coming torture. When they're gathered, Jeff tells Koror it can pull the cover off of its dinner. When it does, there is stew and biscuits, just as promised. And root beer. ["I know, but...what? Is that a thing, stew and root beer? It struck me as being very random, but I'm Canadian, so what do I know." -- Wing Chun] Ulong looks miserable. Koror seems to try to pull it together as soon as possible so as not to gloat unnecessarily, but there is no avoiding the initial rush of excitement at the thought of eating something besides sand and, like, Home Depot paint chips.
When we come back from commercials, Koror is happily eating, and Ulong is miserably watching, and Coby himself -- who talked about how they should all try to be nice and not torture Ulong -- is making with the comments about how great it all is, and blah dee blah. Angie puts her head down and tries not to pay attention. There's really no getting away from the smacking lips. Jeff clarifies for Ulong that Koror isn't going to be asking questions; they're just there to listen and eat. (Lie!) Jeff opens with a little question for Ulong, which is that they seem to have brought the whole camp with them. They brought their shovels, their Home Depot stuff...in fact, they probably brought the little gray cloud that follows them wherever they go. It will likely start to rain down suckage any minute now. Asked why they brought all this junk, Bobby Jon says that they never know what's coming...and then he weakly says that they thought they might...you know...merge. "And if we have to take it back, then we'll take it back," he says. He can tell from Jeff's expression that they're going to take it back, which is a little sad and makes him a little sheepish. "Yeah, we're not mergin'," Jeff says with a smirk. Every once in a while, I still want to poke him in the eye, even though I like it that he's so much more of a bitch now.
Jeff asks Angie if her reason for hiding her face is that she can't particularly stand to look at the food, and she says yes, that's the deal precisely. He asks her exactly how she's feeling, and she goes into a thing about how frustrating it is, because they were so close to winning the challenge, and they could be eating right now, if only...well, you know. Steph says the same thing, about how they really almost had the win, "except for one mistake." Jeff addresses himself to James, talking about how it appeared that Ulong has been trying to remain positive, but it that today came fairly close to finishing them off. "We wanted it, man," James says, making it clear that it's sure as hell not his fault. At least the tribe is consistent on this point. Jeff calls on Ibrehem, who says, quite correctly, that emotions are running so high right now that people aren't thinking about anything except this one particular challenge. He wishes that they would think about other challenges in which perhaps other people haven't excelled, but he knows that isn't the way minds are working right now. Eyes roll all around the fire, because everyone knows that everything is Ibrehem's fault. Ibrehem further adds that they're all kind of getting very "we could have had beef stew" about it, as if beef stew is the point of the whole game, which...you know, it isn't. There are more important things in life than beef stew. Vengeance, just as one example.
Okay, so Jeff says that, now, it's time for Ulong to vote. But -- but! Before Ulong votes, Koror is going to vote. Kororians look up, like, "Huh?" It turns out that Koror has the role here of voting to immunize someone on Ulong. They'll have no time to deliberate; they just have to go off and vote, and whoever they choose will be immune during the vote. Janu votes. Coby votes. Katie votes for Ibrehem. Anonymous Jen votes, and somebody votes for Steph (I think it might be Ian, which...awesome), and Gregg votes for Angie. Jeff goes off to tally. He returns with the urn-o-immunity. One for Angie. One for Ibrehem. One for Steph. One for Bobby Jon. Another for Steph. Another for Bobby Jon. Another for Ibrehem. And...the last one is for Ibrehem. I have to say, I get the idea, I guess, of trying to screw with Ulong by immunizing the person they were going to vote off, but in terms of individual immunities, are you really being smart in making sure you keep Ibrehem? I realize he hasn't been a challenge demon, but he's obviously got some strengths, and the mere fact that his tribe wanted to vote him off doesn't mean that forcing them to keep him works in Koror's best interests. Ibrehem may not have carried a ton of weight in that backpack challenge, but he did stay in it until the end, making him at least somewhat formidable, more so than -- let's say -- Angie or James.
Anyway. Jeff gives the immunity necklace to Ibrehem, and we head for a commercial. When we come back (from a commercial for Spring Break Shark Attack), Koror is sent home, because they don't get to stand around and watch the madness. They leave, and Ulong has to go and vote. James votes for Angie, saying, "Angie, sorry." Bobby Jon votes. Ibrehem votes -- for James? Angie votes. Steph votes for Bobby Jon. Jeff goes off to tally.
When he comes back, Jeff reminds us about the decision being final and so forth, and then it's time for the reading. First vote goes to Angie. to Bobby Jon. Then, we have one for James. Then Bobby Jon. Then Angie. So what we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a tie. Bobby Jon and Angie will not vote this time, so the last three will go. Presumably, Steph and James will vote as they did before, meaning that Ibrehem has gone from being the guy on the block to the guy who will decide who stays and who goes. James gets up and votes again. Ibrehem votes. Steph votes. Once again, Jeff goes off to retrieve the urn, and once again, he comes back to read. The first vote is for Angie. The second one is for Angie as well, so that will be that. So the tribe has spoken, and Tattoo Girl is going home. She lasted longer than it initially seemed like she would; that's for sure. Jeff tells Ulong when Angie is gone that they are still a tribe, teeny as they are, and that they still "seem to believe it," whatever the heck that means.
In her exit interview, Angie talks about how she will never take the little things in life for granted again. I'm glad somebody is learning something.
week: Ulong picks on Ibrehem. Another storm comes. Janu is not looking good. And most likely, Ulong still royally sucks the bag.