Previously on Shouting "Fire" In A Crowded Combat Theater: Janu saw some rats, and she really hates rats. Koror in general wasn't too damn happy about having lost their flint in the water and being stuck on a new beach without any shelter to speak of and without the fire they should have. Caryn bitched that the new beach was the worst beach that ever beached itself, endearing herself to no one, including the Palau Chamber of Commerce. Over at Ulong, Angie felt edgy, but then she went berserk on the reward challenge and was rewarded herself with the big big love of all the giant pecs on her team. This made her purr like a kitty. Both teams got fire -- Ulong with the reward challenge victory, and Koror with an impressive display by its cool kids (who, for once, are the actual cool kids, which never happens, and what is up with that?). Ashlee insisted that four days wasn't long enough for her to get hungry, but Jeff and Kim were hungry in an entirely different way. (Chicka-wocka chicka-wocka.) Kim flaked on the immunity challenge entirely, leaving Koror -- by which I mean "Tom" -- to take the victory home. Steph wanted to get rid of Kim, but Jeff wanted to keep her around for, um, strategic reasons. That's it! Besides, he figured, Ashlee was dead weight, and less and less of it at that. In the end, everybody apparently decided it wasn't worth hassling with Jeff over the Kim situation, and they booted a seemingly resigned Ashlee in an anticlimax worthy of...well, any soccer game, ever. Four people are already gone. Oh, boy, whom can we get rid of now?
It is Night 6 at Ulong. A crab is present. Stephenie says to assembled night-vision reclining types that she thinks the tribe needs to stop losing challenges and people and not go to any more tribal councils. Good plan, I'd say, if a little...you know, simple. She also chitchats with Jeff about how Probst was a bit rough on them at tribal council. Steph says in an interview that she thinks the vote was very telling, because Jeff and Kim both got votes, and in fact, if everybody had stuck with their original votes, Ashlee would still be around and Kim would be gone. So...once more through the previouslys, then. Steph thinks Jeff and Kim are aware of their precarious position -- a suspicion apparently borne out when Kim pouts that she isn't even sure now whether she should go back and sleep with Jeff anymore, because people might think they like each other. Steph says, faux-sympathetically, that Probst called them out like they were a couple. Which they are so not! Kim says this "pisses her off." Jeff recalls in an interview how Probst put this issue to him, and how he went with his brilliant "It's for warmth" defense, which I'm sure was immediately believed by everyone whose turnip-truck stench is plenty fresh. Kim whines in the shelter that she "[doesn't] like questions like that." Because she likes privacy? Something like that? Because...come on. If you're going to sleep snuggled up to a guy with a camera in your face, you ought to understand that you might be asked whether it's a romance or not. Some people think it implies closeness. (I know!) Anyway, for whatever reason, Miss Kim doesn't like "questions like that." She interviews that she doesn't want people, as she pronounces it, "con-JUR-ing up this image up in their head that's not accurate." Oh, Kim: hitting new lows for pronunciation and credibility. She adds that she doesn't "want that image," and that, I do believe. Because it's deadly. Deadly!
James interviews that Jeff and Kim denied that anything was going on, but that nobody believed them. "Raaaht now, they're cuddlin'," he says. "week? They gon' be makin' out. You know, suckin' face and stuff. She's a woman, and all she has to her advantage? Is her sex-shee-ality." You know, I'm not entirely sure I believe his cornpone routine, but it's not like I'm not cheap enough for it to amuse me. It's like watching a Virginia ham play chess. And if he's still saying "sex-shee-ality," I have to say, I think he's not meeting the right women. "Kim's got to go," he says. And then something and something and it ends with "Ah got eeeears like a BAT!" Sometimes, the tapestry of humanity is so oddly knotted that I honestly need a nap.
It is Day 7 at Koror, and it's raining. A lot. Tom tries to look on the bright side that it's the shower they've been wanting, but he admits in an interview that their shelter is not the greatest, they're getting wet at night, and they need a better place to get out of the incessant rain. Coby, too, is working on the shelter and, in an interview in which he has a lot more beard than he does in real time -- meaning I think it must be from at least a while later -- he says that having the entire team still together has its ups and downs, because while they're all still there and have a full team, you can't get rid of the people who bug you. Speaking of which, this is where we learn that Caryn and Katie don't like each other. Caryn explains that Katie is something she describes as not "outspoken," but "tart." Huh. You know, one of my favorite southern men recently informed me, putting on his drawl to its most charming effect, "Now you're what we down here would call...an outspoken woman." I took it as a huge compliment. So I think Katie should be happy she's almost outspoken. But I don't know what "tart" really means. I mean, I know what "tart" means, but, like, not in this context, where you're not either being tasted or berated for wearing fishnets. ["I think Caryn probably meant 'pert.'" -- Wing Chun] At first, I wonder whether it means "curt," but apparently not, because Caryn goes on to say that Katie "has something to say all the time about everything." Ohhh. I know what word she's looking for. She's looking for "recapper."
Anyway, Caryn decides that she needs to "confront" Katie about this quality, because she lacks the patience and tolerance for other people's asinine behavior that is integral to winning this game. Caryn tells Katie about how Katie has too much to say or whatever, and complains that Katie has a remark every time anyone does anything. So...I think "overly critical" is what she thinks Katie actually is, maybe? "Don't tell me what to do anymore!" Caryn barks. "I'm done hearing it!" Katie -- not really on the We Are Feuding train -- interviews that it was all fairly baffling to her, since she was sitting by herself when Caryn came up and got into this "Do you have a problem with me?" business. As Katie explains, and as we see, Caryn did not hang around for Katie to respond, which is always a great indicator that you kind of know you're a little full of it. "She's crazy," Katie says. "She's completely lost it." And really, I'm not sure I'm loving Katie, but there have to have been better ways for Caryn to handle that particular situation. Which is basically what Katie later tells her -- that there was probably a better way for them to work it out. Caryn snots in an interview that "the repercussions of my confronting Katie will be that she will not talk to me, and that's just fine with me." She acknowledges that there might be other tension, because there's always a risk if you're "too confrontational." But apparently, she decided to disregard that risk in favor of letting her flag fly, or whatever. If she's decided not to suffer fools gladly even if it's the best game-related move, she's going to find herself on the wrong end of a righteous torch-snuffing before very long, I'll say that much.
And...challenge beach. Here come the tribes. Shrinking Ulong. Big hulking Koror, with all its hot firemen and feuding chicks. Probst explains the challenge. He pulls a lever, and a life ring pops up in the water. Your team member has to swim out and get it and bring it back to your tribe's "pontoon" in the water. The catch is that you're basically allowed to mug each other -- "no punching" being just about the only limitation on your behavior, which is good, because wouldn't you punch some of these people if you could? I certainly would. Anyway, you can wrestle and dunk and harass in whatever way floats your boat in order to get the ring and keep the ring and/or keep the other person from succeeding with it. Probst reminds the contestants, however, that you don't want to make too many enemies who might come back to haunt you if they've still got your claw marks on the flesh of their cheeks when the merge arrives. First round will be one man from each tribe, then one woman from each tribe, and then they'll go from there. First tribe to score three points -- meaning that they get back with the ring three times -- wins reward. And what is the reward? Well, it is the famous sewing kit and fabric from the Pearl Islands, so you can make...a tablecloth. Or a handkerchief. Or a boy's sarong or whatever. Probst says that since they were left with the clothes on their backs, he's seeing a lot of people in underwear, women wearing buffs as skirts, and so forth. And you know that if there's one thing the show does not want, it's people wearing small quantities of clothing. At any rate, it's just about time to get started, and for Koror, Caryn and Willard will be sitting out.
First round will be Jeff versus Tom. Ready? Go! Oh, I love Tom so very, very much. Jeff starts out by letting Tom get the ring. Tom puts it around his waist, which seems smart, but Jeff eventually wrestles the ring away. Tom wrestles it back. Jeff shows off what will be the winning strategy for the game by dragging Tom, rather than trying to get the ring away. So Ulong gets that point. But Tom is still cooler! round is Jen versus Steph. Steph gets the ring. Can I just ask...has Jen ever spoken on the show? Is she a mime? I sort of thought she might take Steph on in this confrontation by doing, like, Trying To Escape From An Invisible Box. But anyway. The two women splash each other. "Good old-fashioned catfight," Probst says approvingly. Ugh. I kind of hate him for saying that, and I kind of hate them for giggling and splashing and kind of leaving it open, you know? The ladies dunk each other a bit, and then Steph drags Jen over toward the Ulong pontoon. Ding! Two to nothing, Ulong. Way to have an advantage in terms of mass!
The round is pairs -- Bobby Jon and Angie against Gregg and Janu. Go! Gregg lets Bobby Jon have the ring and start back. Angie becomes a veritable Tasmanian Devil of nerd revenge, flying into the frame as she dunks Janu first, and then fastens on Gregg, dunking him as well. I'm thinking they wouldn't have been friends in high school. Gregg dunks Bobby Jon, but then Angie the Whirling Dervish grabs Gregg. I like it when people commit to the game. Especially the parts with assault. Bobby Jon ultimately drags this entire pod of people over to the Ulong pontoon, taking care of business and working overtime and such, and his team takes it three points to nothing, thanks in large part to the mad dunking skillz of Angie. Her entire team is really glad she never mastered climbing the rope in gym. Ulong takes the sewing kit, which has to be the girliest reward that a knock-down drag-out involving near-drownings has ever netted anyone. So Probst sends them all away. Back to camp, winners. And, of course, losers.
Back at camp Ulong, the team is happy about the quick shut-out, and Bobby Jon still loves Angie. And he also is happy that they can make so many "garments," as he puts it, with their reward. There's something vaguely biblical about Bobby Jon in that moment, but it's the stupid kind of biblical, like he's going to start quoting rules about how many chickens you can eat and how to arrange your wives when they all have dinner together. Ibrehem, on the other hand, wants it known that he has absolutely no idea what to do with a sewing kit, which is, after all? Girly! Bobby Jon proposes using some of the needles and thread as fishing hooks. But as it turns out, he's generally not that happy about the fact that there are still some things around camp that need doing. He is, of course, willing to do them himself, because he rather emphatically self-reliant, but clearly, the team's state of extreme relaxation is bugging him.
Bobby Jon is, in fact, so concerned that he soothes his weird, sewing-addled brain by going out into the water and spearing what is seriously the world's tiniest fish. It might be a model fish that's used by real fish in historical dioramas. About, you know, great moments in fish, or whatever. Anyway, the rest of the team chills out on the beach. "What are we going to do, just sit here?" Steph wonders, not exactly acting like she thinks that's a horrible idea. "It's like everybody died," Kim observes, commenting on the swath of bodies and, probably, the smell. Bobby Jon tells us that he's "very disappointed" in the tribe, and he doesn't even really want to argue about the stuff that needs doing, so he's just doing it. He says that the tribe was pretty good at sharing the work early on, but things are a little less swell as time goes on. As if to prove his point, Kim sits and watches Bobby Jon bring down coconuts as he voices over that she, in particular, doesn't do any work around camp. Kim, on the other hand, voices over that she thinks Bobby Jon works too much, like he's trying to "cement his place in the group." She says that he won't be useful if he does it for two weeks and then "crashes and burns." She could help, of course, but I guess that potential solution is too easy. I'm always looking for the cheap way out.
Over at Koror on Day 9, there is an outing by Gregg, Tom, and Ian, who are off to hunt sea snakes. They explain that these are extremely poisonous snakes, one of which they've spotted in among some rocks. Tom explains that the plan was to pin the snake down and then lop its head off. Gregg emphasizes how dangerous these snakes are, using words like "coma," and then we watch as Ian chops off the snake's head. It turns out that Katie and Jen are looking on with great interest at all of this. Katie thinks it was funny that Ian kept apologizing to the snake. Aw, it's not funny! He's nice. A guy who can barely lop off a snake's head for food is a guy who won't pick fights in bars, is my philosophy. Ian interviews that he's an animal lover (dolphin trainer and everything), so he didn't want to just kill the snake in some cold way. And yes, the apologies are sort of wasted on the snake, but it's nice that Ian feels obligated to try. Gregg is ready to take the one snake and be done with it, but Tom and Ian have found some more, so the hunt continues. Again, there is pinning, and there is chopping. Tom acknowledges that hunting poisonous snakes was "maybe a little foolhardy," but he's happy to have found some guys, basically, he can hang out with who like to do foolhardy things and have fun. I have to say, this is one of the first times I've ever seen this happen on this show, where there's a critical mass of people who apparently don't completely suck who dig each other and might be banding together. It's like a pocket of cool in an ocean of bullshit. The little group heads back to camp.
At Camp Koror, the snake-catchers hang the snake carcasses over a tree, but they realize that the snakes dripping snake blood in the water is attracting some sharks. This gets them wondering if they might be able to use the snake to catch a shark, much as nine-year-old boys since the beginning of time have wondered whether they can get their dogs to run errands for them. What follows for the men of Koror is a fairly prolonged lesson in the fact that it really is rather difficult to club or stab sharks that are swimming in the water. Sharks are sneaky, and they're fast, and they like snake blood, but not quite enough. Tom comments that the survival aspect of the game is thus far a bigger deal than he was expecting, and that the thought of "shark steaks" was very motivating. But it's not happening. Seriously. The sharks are a little too tough, and they're a little too wily. "We're going to get a shark," Tom nevertheless vows. And I believe him, because Tom is made of materials heretofore unknown by man, as far as I know.
Ulong, Night 7. Jeff is taking a walk to go potty in the middle of the night. While he's walking, he manages to step on a coconut and roll his ankle. He explains that this is an old troubled ankle, so he's going to elevate it and hope that it will be better in the morning. Aw. Ankles are such a total design flaw in the human body that I sort of can't believe they haven't been bred out of us in favor of natural titanium hinges.
Day 8 dawns. At Ulong, Bobby Jon searches through the sewing kit and pins up some pants-type deal. Jeff comes by and refers to it as a "diaper," which is fine, but...can you sew, smarty-pants? If not, shut it. "I'd ask if you need help, but I'm not going to help you," smarms Jeff. Because Jeff is a guy, people, and he's not touching any other guy's stuff! No, sir! That is so hilarious. And, of course, fresh. We then see Jeff walking gingerly on his foot like the total non-diaper-touching studmuffin that he is, and he voices over that because of his injury, "there's a lot on [his] mind." That sort of makes me think about all those jokes about the guy who asks the doctor if he'll be able to play the violin after his surgery. Jeff says that he was trying to keep his ankle up, but that it still hurts, and he's hoping that maybe he'll be able to help a little at the challenge. Speaking of which, Bobby Jon goes and fetches some treemail. The treemail unfortunately implies fairly unambiguously that it's a strength challenge, which makes Jeff very concerned that he won't be able to participate given the bum ankle. "If I mess up today, it's on my shoulders," he says. "I want to carry this tribe all the way to the end of this game," he says, "and I want to do anything I can to do that." Anything he can, hear that? Okay, just checking. Anything he can.
The teams wander out onto the beach. Once they're situated, Probst takes back immunity, and then he asks Jeff about the limp. Jeff explains that he rolled the ankle on a coconut, and says further that he even heard it pop. Oh, lovely. Probst explains today's challenge. As sometimes happens with challenges on this show, it is very awesomely thought out, in my opinion, but very hard to explain. Your team is all tied together, okay? And you're out in maybe shin-deep water (to start with), and you're racing around an oval course. You start on opposite sides, and your goal is to catch up with the other tribe. Oh, and? You each have a backpack with 20 pounds of sand in it. Any time a tribe member can't keep up, he or she can drop out, but will have to hand the backpack off to somebody else, who will then be carrying even more weight around. First tribe to catch up with the other tribe and touch an opposing tribe member will be the winners, and will get immunity. Koror is sitting out Jen and Janu. Jen is shown protesting loudly over being left out, throwing things, starting fights, and acting wacky. No, not really. She just stands there and doesn't talk. Because she is still herself. Everybody else lines up on the course.
Ready, go! Showing the plucky determination that caused a certain percentage of the population of early pioneers to drop out after about an hour of travel because the roads were all really dusty, Jeff drops out, unable to run around the track. Bobby Jon takes his pack. Caryn falls down for Koror, so it's pretty clear she won't be too much help unless they need somebody for chicken fights later. She drops out and gives her pack to Tom. So now, Tom and Bobby Jon are each carrying 40 pounds. Ulong makes a quick advance, and for a minute, it looks like this might all be over kind of quickly. And then Willard drops out, handing his pack to Gregg. Kim drops out, giving her weight to Bobby Jon. Angie drops out, handing off to James. Katie drops out for Koror. So fairly quickly, it appears, we are down to four players on each team. Ibrehem, Bobby Jon, Steph, and James versus Ian, Tom, Gregg, and Coby. Steph, as Probst notes, is the only woman left in the challenge. The blazing sun goes on for a while. Coby struggles. Tom instructs him to "dig deep." Tom, out in front, is leading Koror, Gregg and Ian also look good, but Coby is starting to look...pouty. I'm not sure why, but rather than exhausted, he genuinely looks pouty. Coby hands off to Ian, who I think also took Katie's pack, because now, he's got three. Interestingly, Ian then hands off to Tom, so now Tom has three instead of Ian. And I can't tell you how much I love that move, because it's not proud. It's not like Ian stands there all, "I am younger, and I must carry all the weight in order to prove myself to my team." He hands off, because -- well, it's Tom, and apparently, Tom has some magical powers we should all be aware of. ["My sister's boyfriend has this theory about 'man strength' -- that older men, once they've had kids and lived a little, just start to get really deep core strength that makes them stronger, in any meaningful way, than younger dudes who just go to the gym a lot but don't ever do anything that actually tests their strength, whereas if a father were trying to protect his kid (for instance), you could break a chair over his back and he wouldn't even feel it. As we were watching this scene, my sister's boyfriend was like, 'See? Man strength.' If it exists, Tom is its poster boy."-- Wing Chun] Ulong does a little running as it appears that Willard is trying to revive a faint Coby by cradling him in the water. I think it really was fuckin' hot out there. As Koror heads around toward shore (where the water is shallower), Tom says, "All right, let's have a burst this time. No one's holding us back, all right? We hit the shallows, we dash." The boys agree. And indeed, in the shallow part, they jog, at least a few feet.
Up at Ulong, Bobby Jon senses that James -- with two bags -- is struggling, so he takes one of them, now carrying three. Ulong slows down, and James ultimately opts out entirely. Tom smells blood. Bobby Jon is carrying 80 pounds of weight. So the way this worked out, Ulong carried their packs 4-2-1, and Koror carried theirs 3-2-2. Wonder what the effect of that was, if anything. Probst comments that it only gets harder as the water gets deeper. Koror has now closed it to the point where they're probably only separated by about a third of the course from Ulong. Koror is sneaking up on Ulong, unmistakably. Koror makes its move, putting on a burst of power. Bobby Jon runs -- yeah, in the water, with 80 pounds of weight on his back. He may be a damn psycho (as when he ooga-moogas at himself), but he's a strong, committed guy, that's for sure. Basically, Ulong is just out of steam at this point, and Koror has just enough left, and sure enough, before long, they come up behind Ulong and a delighted Ian leaps at Ibrehem and slaps his shoulders. Ulong is going back to tribal council. Again. What's fascinating about this is that it does seem obvious that Ulong has younger, physically stronger people overall, and it's not like they're losing mental challenges. They're losing physically, in stuff like this, and in stuff like the crate haul from last week. It's starting to almost seem like physical challenges ultimately come down to Bobby Jon and Tom, with contributions from Ian/Gregg and Ibrehem/Jeff. ["Man strength. There may be something to it!" -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, all of Koror hugs Tom, because how can you not? Tom is awesome. And I don't just say that in the sense that he is the hottest thing evah! to my maturing tastes. In fact, in explaining my great love of Tom, I will call upon an old expression often used by one of my college friends, which I will get to in a moment. But first, you must know that thanks to my Music Stylist, I had the pleasure last night of seeing The Frames at the 400 Bar in Minneapolis -- a show that delivered unto my soul such a sublime ass-kicking that it will take me at least three weeks to recover. At any rate, my Music Stylist is kind of the band's Creed-Haired mascot, and thus introduced me to Glen Hansard, the band's non-Creed-Haired singer/genius, who is, as it happens, (1) hilarious; (2) bawdy; (3) brilliant; and (4) Irish. Said I to my Music Stylist: "I have no defense against that demographic." An expression I stole, many years ago, from a friend. So as to Tom, the silver-haired monsterously poweful New York firefighter? I can only say: I have no defense against that demographic. (Oh, and not that I would tell you how to live, but seriously, seriously, if you never take my word for anything else, ever, as long as you live? Buy this. And this, too, but if you want to know why I have no defense against that demographic, buy the first one.
ANYWAY. Probst gives the coconut monkey to Koror. And Ulong? You suck. You go back to tribal council. And if you losers lay a finger on Bobby Jon or Steph, I will kick all of you in the shins.
Back at camp, Ulong is watching a hard-limping Jeff. He sits the whole team down for a talk. He tells them that he thinks everyone tried his or her hardest today, and apologizes for his lack of contribution. He tells them all that he simply isn't able to get to the end of the game with his ankle the way it is. He says it will take three weeks for his ankle even to begin to get better. He says he can't put weight on it without "cringing [his] teeth." Yes, cringing his teeth. And, like, shivering his nuts. He says that every step makes him want to cry, and that the tribe won't get to the end with him. Steph warns him about how he'll feel if his ankle is better in a couple of days, but he is having none of it, and wants them to vote him out. James interviews that this was very bad news for the team, and that they still really wanted to get rid of Kim, who "does hardly anything."
A conversation ensues between Ibrehem, Bobby Jon, and Steph, in which Ibrehem says that if they get rid of Jeff, it will be like two people gone, because Kim already doesn't do anything. Bobby Jon interviews that he really does want to get rid of Kim. He says, just as he says to Steph, that he just would rather feed someone who is at least willing to contribute. It's sort of dorky and antithetical to game play, but weirdly, there are some people who play it like that, and you have to be ready to deal with them, I guess. Besides, anything that forces anyone to stay on Survivor when they actually don't want to gives me a secret thrill. Bobby Jon also says that even a weak Jeff is worth more to the tribe than a strong Kim. Or, "strong."
Angie and Bobby Jon work together on some kind of camp-related task, and apparently, her nipple is hanging out, given the way she's got a pixelized circle over her breast the entire time. That's the kind of thing you don't forget. She tells him that she's planning to vote for Jeff, which was her plan from the time he hurt his ankle originally. Bobby Jon tells her that he's voting for Kim, because he doesn't feed slackers. Angie interviews that she sees that argument, but she hopes that having Jeff gone will make Kim do some work. And I have no clue why she would ever think that would occur, but...all right.
We then cut to a scene in which Jeff -- in that way guys do when they're trying to locate exactly what show-offy things they can still do while injured -- is demonstrating that he can still whack coconuts in half with one hand, with one blow from the machete. Bobby Jon brings over Angie and has her watch as Jeff cuts another coconut, clean down the middle. WHACK! It is pretty cool, although it would be cooler if it were Bobby Jon, because there would be a hint of threatened violence. "You're just doing it to be a bad-ass now," Kim says to Jeff. "Now I am, heck, yeah," he admits. Oh, okay, heh. Bobby Jon mutters to Angie that Kim doesn't have anything like that to contribute. Angie is noncommittal. "We'll see," she says. She likes the part where the giant football guy has to ask her for stuff.
Jeff talks to James and sticks to his theory that he should go. James tells Jeff that it makes no sense to vote him off right now. "I think you're afraid that somebody else is going to get voted off," James offers. Yeah, I don't think Jeff is that self-sacrificing for his snuggle partner quite yet. Jeff smiles knowingly. Kim says that she's not sure what's going on, but that something seems to be going on. If she's not smart enough to know they're talking about her, she's a goof. She allows in her interview that it's possible Jeff will not go tomorrow, despite his request.
Ulong makes its way to tribal council that night. Probst tells them that they must be really tired of seeing him. He asks Ibrehem about the frustration of being "pummeled" in a bunch of challenges in a row. Ibrehem agrees that it's frustrating, but he insists that today, had they had Jeff in the challenge, they'd have won. I don't know. That might be true, and it might not be. I'm sure they'd have been closer. Bobby Jon says a really interesting thing here, which is that Jeff was not the difference. He says that Tom was the difference. Which I find fascinating, since Tom carried less weight than Bobby Jon. "He's a man," Bobby Jon says. "He's a man among men." ["MAN STRENGTH!" -- Wing Chun] And I agree, but I'm curious what Bobby Jon means in terms of that challenge. I'm kind of sad that Bobby Jon is with all these losers, because I think Bobby Jon would looooove being in the club with Tom and Ian and Gregg, and I kind of like Bobby Jon. Ibrehem disagrees with Bobby Jon that Tom beat them; he thinks that the extra man Koror had because Jeff had to drop out was the difference. And again, I'm not sure. Because it looked like Ibrehem himself was in part the limiting factor for Ulong, and even if Jeff had been there...I mean, Ibrehem only had two packs and Bobby Jon had four. Would anything have been different that would have kept Ibrehem going longer. I'm not saying his theory is impossible, but...I'm not sure I totally buy it, either.
Probst asks Steph about finger-pointing after the challenge, and Steph says that there wasn't any, because Jeff basically came back and asked to be voted out. Probst challenges Jeff on why in the hell he has that goofy smile on his face. Jeff serenely says that he's "been a team player [his] entire life," so he just feels like it's time for him to step down for the good of the team, sort of. Probst hates quitters. Oh, and Jeff calls his ankle injury "a deathful thing" for him and the team. It's pretty sad when you use the word "deathful" and I don't really know what you're talking about. Jeff agrees with Bobby Jon that they'd have had a better shot if he'd been there today. And then he goes back into wanting to be able to help the tribe fully, blah blah. But of course, that's not the issue. The issue, properly framed, when it comes to whether they should vote him off, isn't whether he can help the tribe as much as usual. The issue is really whether he can help the tribe more than Kim, which I think he still can. If they had a straight-up swimming challenge or something, there's still a chance Jeff would be worth a good bit more than Kim is. It just doesn't make sense, really, what Jeff's doing. It comes off very self-indulgent to me, like being on Survivor just isn't as much fun as he thought it would be, and this is as good a way to get away as any.
Probst asks Ibrehem about other reasons people might be voted off besides strength and strategy, and he specifically inquires about work around camp. Is that a factor? Ibrehem says that everyone works hard, but he does acknowledge that, sometimes, people are tired and work less. But does that matter with voting? Ibrehem says that work ethic can, indeed, play a big part, Kim.
Probst tells Kim she looks troubled. What are you troubled about, Kim? Kim explains that being on a team full of studs isn't that easy for her. And they're "workaholics." I hate workaholics when I'm stranded without any way of caring for myself or providing myself with food and shelter. They are such drags. And sometimes, when I'm trying to see if I can die of exposure, they're totally stepping on my buzz. In other news, Kim is sick of tribal council. I have to say Steph looks like she hates Kim a real, real lot. And I also have to say that I think that in the grand Survivor banquet of my mind, Steph can sit with me. And Cesternino, and a very small number of other people who will be content to make fun of everyone and won't steal all the garlic bread. Kim says that she knows full well that if Jeff wasn't going, she'd be one of the people who might be going. She complains that the tribe has set itself up to be one where "the strongest stay and the weakest go." Well, except for Jolanda. And also tonight. And why wouldn't that be the right thing to do in the first place? Why wouldn't the strongest stay and the weakest go? She's so weird. Kim insists she's not weaker than average, she's just weak for this particular tribe. Eh. The game isn't usually populated with nursing-home residents, sweetheart -- suck it up.
Probst asks James whether he felt troubled about whether to send Jeff home the way he wants. James says that, yes, they've struggled and debated over it. They're not sure what they're going to do, and won't know until they vote. Probst sends them off to vote anyway. Which is, after all, all they can really do now.
James votes for Kim. "Kim," he says. "You don't do anything." And it kind of goes on from there, but...that's the idea. Steph votes. Ibrehem votes. Kim votes for Jeff, saying that they're great "friends," but that she's giving him what he wants. Heh. Ahem. Just kidding. Bobby Jon votes for Kim. "I'm not going to play into Jeff's little silly-ass game," he says. Heh, again. He craaaazy. Probst goes off to fetch the votes.
The first vote goes to Jeff. Then Jeff again. Then James. (Huh?) Then Kim. Then Kim again. Then Jeff again. 3-2-1, Jeff-Kim-James. And the last vote? Goes to Jeff. So he's out. Well, that was anticlimactic, a little. He tries to leave all brave, but you can tell that Probst thinks he's a weenie. As do I, for the most part. Probst tells the tribe that they should turn the vote into something positive, which...I can think of a way, and that's that Jeff is gone. But that's just me.
In his exit interview, Jeff's all sad that he had to quit. And by "had to quit," he means "wussied out," because...seriously. Oh, and he tells Ulong to "take Koror to the cleaners," but they'll want to start with something less ambitious, probably, like sucking a tiny bit less.
week: A meeting of tribal representatives. Trouble at Ulong. Probst mocking a team for not doing its homework.