Previously on One Fish, Two Fish, I Fish, You Fish: In the wake of Colby's departure, Ethan looked around for his allies and noticed that their number was lagging somewhere around zero. Jerri, on the other hand, was doing that Daffy Duck thing, bouncing around on her head and her feet going, "Woo-hoo-hoo!" Chapera managed to take a log-rolling reward challenge that allowed them to loot Mogo Mogo, ending up with the much-discussed fishing spear, among other things. This led to a dick-measuring contest of the first degree between Rupert -- who bases his entire self-image on his ability to fish -- and Rob -- who bases his entire self-image on his ability to show other people up. A match made in heaven, dick-measuring-contest-wise. In news of romantic destiny and legally questionable voyeurism, Rob and Amber took seriously the cry of "just kiss, already" that they were certain would be emanating from the family rooms of America by now, and they, according to Jeff, "finally connected." Does kissing need a euphemism? I'm just wondering. That darn FCC is getting really strict. Jerri volunteered for archery at the immunity challenge, and although Rob couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, Jerri couldn't hit the barn, the house, or the pickup in the driveway with the gun rack on the back, so Mogo Mogo was headed for tribal council yet again. Lex -- who has learned nothing since Africa about strategic trap-shutting -- decided that not only would he have Ethan removed, but he would inform Ethan ahead of time. Ethan went to Kathy and tried to get her to consider booting Lex or Jerri, but in the end, Kathy and Shii Ann went along with Lex and Jerri, sending Ethan home to party with the rest of the weasels. Who will be voted out tonight?
Credits. Okay, what's with the tooth dripping blood between Rob C. and Alicia? Creepy. I never noticed that before. That looks like a very unfortunate day at the alligator dentist. (I think I just came up with the idea for my upcoming children's book.)
Chapera, the morning of Day 22. Rob and Amber are asleep under a blanket as we hear the sound of wood being sawed. Outside, Big Tom and Rupert are working on felling a tree. Finally, it goes down. "Timber!" Rupert yells, despite the people sleeping ten feet away. Rob stirs at this, and lifts his head long enough to peek out. Unmoved, he goes back to sleep. Heh. Rupert voices over that he and Big Tom are the ones around the camp who are the "worker bees." He complains that he doesn't like people who "lay [sic] their ass [sic] around in the shelter and let [him] do all the work," and it's just precious that he can actually slam the work ethic of people who already had built themselves a luxury condo before he ever got there, while his camp was barely good enough to serve as the annex to a medieval prison. I mean, honestly. Rupert's tribe barely lived through his efforts at being Big Daddy. He should probably close his great big yap. He regretfully says that he can't exactly go in and tell everybody to get out of bed. I sort of wish he had, because I would enjoy seeing the imprint of Rob's medallion on Rupert's forehead. I will admit that, of all the really satisfying things that have happened in my reality-show recapping career, the decline and fall of Rupert as Big Lovable Teddy Bear Guy and his emergence as Giant Egotistical Jackass has been one of the most pleasurable, not that I'm the kind of person who would ever say, "I told you so." (But I did.)
There's an awesome shot of an iguana (I think) hustling up the beach like he's already five minutes late for band practice, and then we accompany Rupert and Big Tom as they go fishing. Rupert complains to Tom that he hopes the merge will come soon and that the Mogo Mogo people won't be so lazy. Big Tom interviews that, indeed, he and Rupert go fishing most mornings while the rest of the tribe is still asleep. You'll notice that he doesn't say everybody else is lazy; he just says they sleep later. It always bugs me when sleeping is equated with laziness, because...I mean, if you're asleep, you're asleep, you know? They're not sleeping to spite Rupert, not that he would get the difference. Rupert goes into the water with the spear as Big Tom says (I think) that Rupert the "biggest damn hog" with it. We watch Rupert the Big Damn Hog catch some fish as Big Tom interviews that he hasn't had a chance yet to catch a fish, and that he's not leaving today until Rupert gives him a chance with the spear. Sure enough, when Rupert returns, Big Tom says he's going in the water. Rupert gently condescends to him about going in the water with his shoes on, but when Big Tom says that, indeed, that's what he's going to do, Rupert lets him go, probably confident that Tom will drown and need Rupert to rescue him. And that will be awesome! Then they'll understand for sure how much they need Rupert!
Big Tom makes his way down to the water, and he gets in. Before long, he snags a smallish fish and brings it back to shore, to the tune of a twangy Tom-associated theme I suspect is called something like, "I May Sound Dumb, But I Ain't." "Very good, Big Tom," Rupert growls patronizingly. In an interview, Rupert holds up Big Tom's fish and calls it "not a bad fish for his first fish ever," but goes on to denigrate it as "a fish-tank fish." And then he laughs that Big Tom was "thrilled." I've seen Rupert bring home little fish like that a zillion times, so I don't know what he's crowing about, but...I never do, I guess.
Mogo Mogo, Day 22. Kathy is working outside, as Jerri gets up from another uncomfortable night of trying to sleep. Jerri interviews that the weather where they are is constantly wet, so all their stuff is eternally damp. Kathy tries to build a fire, but has a very hard time as a result of how wet everything is. She interviews that the conditions are really difficult right now, and that the fact that her team keeps losing makes it worse. And yes, she's on the verge of breaking into a fit of snurfling again. Way to contain your emotions there, Spock.
Shii Ann goes and fetches some treemail. It tells them that they might "make some friends" today, and immediately, Mogo Mogo senses a merge. Furthermore, the treemail came with a small can of green, tribe-colored paint that Jerri says they "don't know what to do with yet." So they do nothing. Kathy smirks to the camera that "if [she] was a betting woman," she'd say that it's a merge. Put money on it, Kathy! Do it! Lex interviews that he just doesn't have any idea what the green paint is for, which tends to suggest to me that he hasn't watched the show enough ["or didn't pay enough attention when his tattooed as was rocking Burning Man or whatever the hell postmodern feral hippies do" -- Wing Chun], and then he says that because they don't know what to do with it, they've decided just to bring it with them. Weenies. I also love the fact that Lex inquisitively smells the paint. Mmm, non-toxic.
Over at Chapera, there is no such hesitation. They have decided to dive directly into the paint and paint each other all over. Jenna talks about how they did "fun stuff" like bulls on the guys' chests and little dots on the girls' faces...yeah. Lots of fun. Tom describes the mutual painting in some way ending with "pokey-pokey rubbie-rubbie," and he's not even talking only about Rob and Amber. (POW!) We watch Tom do his best imitation of a stampeding bull, which is...pretty good. Maybe a little too good, actually. I would be surprised if there's a little cattle blood there somewhere. Alicia interviews that they don't know whether it will be a merge, but that they know something's up.
Idyllic Stretch Of Beach Shot #8398 from the editors' vault brings us to an open area where Jeff, unsurprisingly, is waiting. He invites Chapera in and notes that they're "looking good" with their crazy painted bodies. I normally don't waste time envying the little flat tummies, but I will admit that the sun painted over Amber's belly button is pretty cute. The asterisks above her boobs? Not so good. You don't want people to be looking at you like, "Hmm, something makes me think I can't exactly trust her boobs, but I can't really explain it." Jeff invites Mogo Mogo in, noting for Chapera that Ethan is gone. "Good," mutters Amber. HA! My sentiments exactly. Mogo Mogo looks stupid for not being painted now, and Kathy tries to play it off by mocking Chapera with a little "looking dandy" comment, which is fooling no one. Jeff makes note of the fact that given a can of paint, Chapera used it on each other and Mogo Mogo did nothing. He asks Rob if Chapera's painting was "a sign of team spirit." Rob says yes, they were "havin' a good time over they-ah, paintin' each oth-ah." Kathy is asked why Mogo Mogo did nothing, and she claims that it's because they like to save things -- "conserve." You can't blame them, after all. You never know when you might need that green paint later. There are some pretty crazy storms in Panama, after all, and nothing staves off rain like, you know, green paint. Lex, on the other hand, just shrugs and says, "My canvas is full." Hee. I admire a guy who knows his limitations. ["I don't. YES, Lex, we see your tattoos and now we know you're a genuine certified nonconformist bad-ass, so SHUTTIE." -- Wing Chun]
Jeff tells each tribe to line up in any order. The last two on Chapera won't be doing anything, because they have two more players than Mogo Mogo. Once they've lined up, Jeff tells them that Lex, as the first person for Mogo Mogo, will go first. He is told to choose someone from Chapera with whom he can go off and have a private chat away from everyone else. Lex selects Rob, so the two of them peel off and stand to the side. Big Tom is the first remaining Chaperian (Rob was first, but Lex took him), and he chooses Jerri. Shii Ann chooses Rupert, saying that it's because they're both there solo from their seasons. (Lame!) Rupert gives the lower-teeth-showing smile. Alicia has only Kathy to choose, so she chooses Kathy. This leaves Jenna and Amber to spend some more time together as the leftovers, which makes them ridiculously happy. "Yaaay!" they both yell, and then they hug, and I suddenly remember every cheerleader I ever knew. Jeff explains that they just thought it might be fun at this point for some of the folks to get to talk to people they don't usually talk to. And as if that weren't enough, they're getting box lunches. Wasn't this supposed to be a hard season? I swear, these people have unwrapped more fussy catered food since beginning this survivalist adventure than I've had in my entire life. Jeff distributes lunch to each pair and sends them on their way.
Big Tom tells Jerri that if you're going to have a date, you should "pick the good-lookin' women." Jerri says she's blushing. Heh. Meanwhile, Amber and Jenna are relieved that they don't have to sit around and do strategy with anyone, but can just have lunch together and chat about nothing, just like I suspect they normally do. Shii Ann and Rupert are the first to open their lunch and see the fruit, cheese, crackers, and so forth. Rupert asks her what it's like "all by herself," and Shii Ann says that she loves Lex and Kathy. She complains that Jerri doesn't do enough work, and Rupert agrees with her, because there is certainly nothing that revs Rupert's engine like commiserating over the inferiority of others. Big Tom tells Jerri that, at first, he was actually kind of worried about her. She admits that it was hard at first, and "almost broke [her] spirit." "We got eighteen days, you suck it up, be the stud you are," Big Tom tells her. "Put your chest out." Snerk. She tells him that the experience has been "humbling."
Elsewhere, Lex tells Rob that he's ready for the merge. And by "ready," I think he means "eager." Rob is noncommittal. Shii Ann is busy telling Rupert that Rob is the real menace, because if they go to individual immunity challenges, he's going to whip everybody repeatedly, which...seems like a plausible scenario, actually, even though it's Shii Ann who's proposing it. Jenna tells Amber that she thinks the picnic indicates that there is going to be a merge, but Amber looks like she isn't so sure.
When the group comes back from lunch, Jeff tells them, "Fall in right here. Any order." He tells them to drop their buffs, so they're all thinking, "Merge!" Well, probably all except Shii Ann, who's thinking, "I assume nothing until I hear Jeff say the word 'merge' about six times, and even then, I will be looking at everybody funny for a few days." Jeff then takes a fairly small ceramic pot over to Lex, who will be first to pull a new buff. The one Lex pulls out is red. "You are now a member of Chapera," says Jeff. Rob picks , and he's now Mogo Mogo. Big Tom picks, and he's also Mogo Mogo. Jerri is now Chapera, Shii Ann is Chapera, Rupert is Mogo Mogo, Kathy is Chapera, Alicia is Mogo Mogo, and Jenna is Mogo Mogo. And Amber? Amber is Chapera, so she's the only person who didn't switch. There was a lot of chatter this week about the possibility of that being fixed, because it flipped the tribes perfectly, but I suspect it wasn't. The buffs didn't come out in alternating order -- they came out red, green, green, red, red, green, red, green, green, red. And Jeff told them to fall in "in any order" to line up to pick buffs. Had he ordered them to line up in alternating order, and then had the buffs come out in alternating order, maybe. But...I suspect not. For one thing, I don't know what the motivation would be to do this twist and then hardly change the tribes. If you're going to reshuffle, you wouldn't set it up so that the reshuffling accomplishes nothing. I can see the argument that they might fix it to split Rob and Amber, but if they were going to fix it to that degree, I'd think they'd fix it so that the split happened, but at least some reshuffling happened as well. Math is funny -- it's true that the odds of its working out that way were low, but they weren't any worse than the odds of its working out any other particular way. Coincidences do happen, after all, or there wouldn't be a word for them.
Anyway, the two effects of this are that Amber is with FakeChapera, leaving her tribemates behind at Fauxgo Mogo, and that the tribes are switching camps, which is going down hard for Rob, who knows that he had it pretty good at Camp Chapera and probably has some information about how bad things are at Camp Mogo Mogo. And although Amber hugs her new tribemates, Rob isn't happy about that part either. As the tribes stand newly constituted on their mats, Rupert comments that "Amber should be here," and Jenna agrees. Jeff reviews the fact that everything they left back at camp now belongs to the camp's new owners -- so everything that Chapera looted from Mogo Mogo last week is now going to FakeChapera, only increasing the disparity that Fauxgo Mogo is now going to suffer. In other words, without the looting, Rob and company would at least have fish and some rice, and now they have zip. Jeff sends them off to their new camps, but as they're leaving, Jenna and Alicia run back to hug Amber, and then she hugs Rob in slo-mo, and then finally, the "new" tribes wander off to their new camps.
FakeChapera walks along the beach toward their new digs. Shii Ann thanks Amber for being the "hostess," and Amber tries to keep a happy face. She interviews, however, that she feels like she's "the one who got screwed" in the reshuffle. You know, when the "got screwed" jokes abound, it's really difficult to make one. She adds that as they were picking buffs, the only thing she was hoping for was that she would pick the same color as Rob. (I will admit that a very low-quality "all-star-crossed lovers" joke seemed inevitable somewhere along here, and I decided it is beneath me. Well, okay, it's not, but it's beneath you.) She leads FakeChapera into the lush Chapera camp, and everyone is of course amazed at the great setup they have. They love the benches, love the swing, love the whole "paradise," as Shii Ann calls it. Not only do they have a great shelter and food, but the members of Chapera have done a lot of work, so there's wood, and there's a well-tended fire...basically, the original Chapera did an awesome job with their camp, and these incompetent nitwits are going to reap the benefits. "I'm just amazed," Lex says as Amber gives him the tour. They all come across a basket of food (more free food!) that's at camp to serve as the "welcome" to their new home. As everyone parties, Amber tries to get into the spirit, but she interviews that "it's definitely not home without the people that belong here." If nothing else, I think Chapera has certainly displayed as much tribal unity, for lack of a better phrase, than any tribe ever.
Speaking of those people, let's join them as they enter the hellhole known as Camp Mogo Mogo. Alicia, showing a nice flair for the obvious, says that Fauxgo Mogo "got the short end of the stick." She says that the camp they inherited is a total mess. The members of Mogo Mogo haven't maintained things; they have a tiny, uncomfortable shelter; they don't have firewood; the place isn't clean; and so forth. A subdued Rob asks them whether they want to try to rebuild the shelter, but Jenna says she thinks they should just put a new roof on the one they have. He says he's concerned that he won't be able to sleep at night in the crap shelter that Colby and Lex built. I think that, in particular, the floor of that shelter -- what Mogo Mogo was calling "the rack" -- just looks like it would be hell to sleep on, and from everything Jerri has said, it is. I think generally, sleeping on anything that's called a "rack" is bad news. Jenna interviews that, indeed, it's a "crap camp." She says that, among other things, Mogo Mogo built it in a mess of nettles, and it's much too near the water. Apparently, they've also lost some things -- the saws from the Home Depot box, the cooking pot (sheesh), and it's generally in bad shape. They lost the cooking pot? How do you lose anything at an island camp? It's not like you loaned it to someone and they never gave it back. Not having a lot of community potlucks here on the island.
The only bright spot, of course, is the housewarming basket, which they all sit down to enjoy in an effort to improve their dark mood. Things are still very sober, however, as they sit around and eat, owing to the lack of Amber and the horrible surroundings. Funereal "oooo, oooo, oooo" choral music plays. Seriously, it sounds just like church. More specifically, the Church of the Holy Moly, This Camp Sucks The Bag. The tribe genuinely does seem equally bummed about Amber and the camp. As they eat, Rupert says, "It's a shame Amber's not here." And then, with everyone else continuing to enjoy quiet time, he fails to pick up the signal and keeps complaining about all the stuff that's at Camp Chapera that FakeChapera is now enjoying. Alicia finds a bright side: "You know what's nice about this? Let them be impressed with what we've done." I'll admit it's a small bright side, but I kinda liked that. She's got a point that if they could see how shocked FakeChapera is at the quality of the camp, they'd find it very gratifying. "Maybe that'll knock 'em down even further, 'cause they suck," she says. Heh. I liked that. You can find a classy bright side and still think people suck.
At Camp Chapera, the first order of business for FakeChapera is taking advantage of the cleanliness products. Jerri is having a nearly orgasmic experience brushing her teeth, for instance. The camera comes way to close to that, by the way. I really didn't need to see individual toothpaste bubbles. Shii Ann and Kathy, meanwhile, raid the bath supplies and head into the water with the Herbal Essence. Amber interviews that seeing other people use her tribe's stuff isn't easy, and then we return to another very unnecessary extreme close-up of Jerri's teeth being brushed. Good God. Also, Kathy is obviously using about a pound of shampoo, judging from the inches-thick lather on her head. It might not matter in other situations, but if you can "conserve" the green paint, you can "conserve" the stuff you actually need, idiot. Amber says, as we watch the cleaning continue, that all of this is just something she'll have to get used to, because this is her tribe for now.
Back at Fauxgo Mogo, Rob can't hold his inner weepy boy back anymore. "I hope she's all right, I really do," he mutters, sort of into his own shoulder. "She'll be okay," Jenna says reassuringly, patting him on the back. "It's just a couple days." "She's gotta be hurtin', though," he says. "I wish it was me, I would've been able to handle it a little better." And now, an interview: "I care about her. It kills me to have her over there by herself. I know she's tough, but...so much of the reason why she was havin' such a good time and why I was havin' such a good time was because of each other." Back at the picnic, Rob proposes a toast to Amber. You know, normally, I'd be rolling my eyes with the rest of the bitter, jaded cynics, but I have to say, there were moments during all of this when I was thinking...does he like her? I would almost think he likes her, whatever that means to a guy like that.
That night, Rob sits around, all sad in night-vision. "I don't really care that the other team has our camp now," he says. "I don't even really care that they have all of our possessions, as much as we're cryin' about it over here, it doesn't matter. What aggravates me is that they got my girl over there." I hereby apologize to every principle I have ever held dear for the fact that I found that a tiny bit hot. Believe me, I am hanging my head in shame. Anyway, Rob sits around the fire sadly, missing Amber.
We fade into the Fauxgo Mogo fire and out of the FakeChapera fire, and there's Amber, staring into her fire and missing Rob. Hey, am I being manipulated? HEY!
After the commercials, we find that at FakeChapera on Day 24, Shii Ann and Amber are fetching the treemail. It's a whole little book, as it turns out. They read it, and it makes reference to a wide variety of Survivor history, and the note with it makes clear that the immunity challenge is going to be trivia about all the seasons. As FakeChapera walks, they try to come up with iconic bits about each player. Amber and Jerri recall Mike's falling in the fire and catching the pig, and Jerri recalls Keith's inability to make rice (hee) and Kel's getting caught with beef jerky. Now, I didn't take that as literally as some people did, that Jerri was still crowing about that -- I just thought she was saying that was the most likely trivia question about Kel, were there to be one, which...well, you'll see. Lex points out in an interview that as the team was preparing, one of the questions they specifically got ready for was who was voted off of each season first. The only person they can't come up with is the name of Nicole, booted off Pearl Islands in her tube dress. They remember her, and they remember her dress, but they don't remember her name. ["Me too. I was all, 'Janice?'" -- Wing Chun]Amber interviews that the challenge is very important for her, because she thinks that she'll probably either save herself or send herself home, depending on how it goes.
Fauxgo Mogo, meanwhile, is practicing as well. How many Jennas have played? Two. How many Robs? Four. ["Well, three Robs and a Robb." -- Wing Chun] The Rob we have right now interviews that he promised Amber he'd get her to the end, and now he has to figure out how to get her there. "I'm gonna do whatever I can do to keep her around as long as possible over there," he says. "Pretty much the move I make is gonna have consequences for everybody left in this game. Serious consequences." There really should have been a heavy musical cue here of the "dun-dun-duuuun!" variety, or possibly Rob should have looked into the camera and growled or something. It's all very menacing. Or as menacing as a guy can be when he's wearing two necklaces.
The tribes walk into the clearing where Jeff is waiting at the immunity challenge. He takes back the idol from FakeChapera, pointing out somewhat gratuitously that they didn't earn it, of course, but that it was at their camp when they got there. Jeff then explains that the challenge is indeed going to test their knowledge of Survivor trivia, just as promised. He says that there are questions in the pot from all seasons, with an equal number available from each. He'll draw questions at random, and the first team to get ten right wins. It's collaborative, so they'll have to confer and give a single answer for the whole tribe.
The first question pertains to Sarah's arrival at camp, and both get it. In Africa, Brandon and Frank went to the movies. Both get it. In what country did Africa take place? It was in Kenya, which FakeChapera gets, but Fauxgo Mogo blows by writing down "Nairobi." Oy. ["The craziest thing about their missing that one is that Tom was there. Did he really not know what country he was in? Or was Rob trying to make FakeChapera lose so that Amber wouldn't have to go to tribal council?" -- Wing Chun] So FakeChapera has the lead. In Borneo, they ate bug larvae in the first food challenge, and while Fauxgo Mogo gets it, FakeChapera is nailed for writing "grubs," which Jeff claims isn't specific enough. Huh? Jerri gets the blame, because she was the one who insisted that this was the right term over Kathy's wondering, but I don't know what else Kathy would have suggested. Is "larvae" more specific than "grubs"? I don't really get it, but anyway. The question is about Dr. Sean's alphabet strategy, and both get it. Who got airlifted out of the Outback? They both know it's Mike. They both know it was Paschal who got screwed by the unlucky purple rock. In Thailand, who got grabbed by the neck? They both know it was Clay. Who was the Pearl Islands mortician? Darrah, whom both tribes know but whom only Lex takes the time to actually purr and whistle about. Staying on the Pearl Islands, both teams know it was Osten who had to be plucked out of the water and rescued. What was Kel accused of smuggling? Oh, yeah. Beef jerky. So the teams are tied at ten, and it's time for a tiebreaker. And what's the tiebreaker? Ah, that would be writing down the first person voted off each season, in order. Both teams wind up getting all of them -- with the exception of the fact that FakeChapera still doesn't know Nicole's name. So, down they go, because Fauxgo Mogo knows everyone's name. It's interesting -- had that not been a group challenge where they conferred over answers, I wonder whether Rob would've thrown it and gotten rid of, say, Rupert, in order to avoid having FakeChapera get rid of Amber. ["I'm saying." -- Wing Chun] I suspect he might have. I would have cheered and laughed, just the way petty people always inspire me to do. FakeChapera is told that they will soon be booting someone.
As the two teams get up to leave, Rob waits for Lex to pass, and says, "You take care of her, I'll take care of you." As Lex nods and walks off, Rob mumbles, "If you care. If you care." Jeff tells Lex to get moving.
Back from commercials, Fauxgo Mogo is returning to camp, noting the "bittersweet" win, because I think that they all think that Amber will now be promptly booted. Rob recounts in an interview the move he made talking to Lex. "If Lex is smart, he'll keep her around," says Rob. Back at camp, Rupert proposes a toast to Amber's figuring out "some damn way to stay." Rob interviews that today is "wicked hah-d." Hee. Hee hee. We see him sitting pensively on a log (oh, please, not pensive log-sitting), and he voices over that "it hurts a lot." I assume he means Amber's being gone, not sitting on the log. He says that he badly wants to take Amber to the final two, and he shows us where he's got an "A" on his arm. It stands for "Amber." And he drew it on his arm. With a pen. Well, that's...interesting. You never know little it's going to take to turn a tough guy into a putz.
Over at FakeChapera, Kathy yammers about how her team lost yet again. She then retells the story of how Lex was approached by Rob. Kathy says that she overheard the comment, and she calls it "a Godfather move." She and Shii Ann chat about it, and Kathy says that she doesn't like the idea of keeping Amber and "sucking up to Mariano." Shii Ann opines that it won't even help that much, because she doesn't think Rob will last anyway. What I don't understand is why she and Kathy aren't discussing the fact that the deal does not apply to them. Rob made the offer to Lex. Even assuming Rob feels bound to keep it, he won't feel bound to Kathy and Shii Ann, to whom he never promised anything. I don't think Rob meant that as a group offer for Lex to convey to everyone; I think he meant it as something between the two of them that made it Lex's responsibility to engineer keeping Amber. In other words, I don't think Rob was empowering Lex to extend his protection to Kathy and Shii Ann. Among other things, there are only going to be nine people left after this round. You know Rob is protecting himself and Amber, and if you assume he's serious about doing a favor for Lex...how many other people do Kathy and Shii Ann think he can protect? Shii Ann interviews that she and Kathy have been talking, and that they still think that voting out Amber is the smart thing to do, despite what Rob has to say. However, as she and Kathy talk, they also acknowledge that Rob will be extremely pissed if they vote her off. ["And...so? What's she afraid of -- that he's going to corner her in the locker room and give her a swirly? Rob's not even on their tribe, and once he is...come on, Shii Ann's not going to be around long regardless." -- Wing Chun] Kathy says he will be angry about "losing his chick." She's all with the hip lingo, you know. The chicks and the dudes and the bad rap and the tubular and the don't go there. Shii Ann fears Rob's unleashing "the wrath of God." You know, assuming Rob is God, which he technically isn't. And incidentally, someone should tell Kathy that arranging your clothing so that it forces your boobs into a completely lopsided position is not a particularly great idea. Not all women should tie up their shirts in a side knot, you know.
Amber and Kathy have a chat. Amber tells Kathy that her "desperate attempt" is going to be voting for Jerri and hoping for the best. "I think I'm a better player than Jerri," Amber says, whatever that means. She says that she also thinks she's better in challenges that Jerri, which -- I mean, considering that they're probably heading for individual immunities soon, that's not really what you want to bring up. Kathy snots "playfully" that Amber will have to figure out a way to make the rest of them vote for Jerri. "Should I get down on my knees and beg?" says Amber. And then she does. And they're laughing, but still...ew. Amber says in an interview that she's just going around trying to make deals, promising people more time if they give her more time. Amber offers Kathy a deal in which the final five would be Kathy, Lex, Amber, Rob, and Big Tom. ["Heh. Good to know what that alliance with Rupert and Jenna is worth." -- Wing Chun] Kathy wonders how they can convince Lex to get rid of Jerri, and Amber says that Lex should like the idea of going to a final five with Big Tom. Kathy says yes, Lex thinks that Big Tom will be on his side in the end. He thinks Rob will, too. I hope Lex thinks that because of the deal, and not in general, because if Lex generally thinks that Rob is going to buddy up with him, I think he's insane. Maybe the ink is getting to him. Kathy agrees to talk to Lex. She then interviews that she thinks it might make more sense to keep Amber, just in order to avoid the "grudge" that Rob will bring to a merge if they get rid of her. I guess Kathy has actually become convinced that Rob will participate in paring the merged tribe down to that final five Rob just mentioned. Silly, silly Kathy.
Kathy talks to Lex, who does not initially sound excited about the change in strategy. She brings up the "grudge" issue. "If we delivered, I think he would deliver," says Lex. Kathy assures Lex that Rob would indeed deliver, based on...I guess Rob's impeccable track record of believability. Lex says that the only thing hates about this plan is that it's "horrible for Jerri." What I don't get about this exchange is that they don't discuss what I would think would be the highly appealing option of getting rid of Shii Ann, if they're going to do this at all. At least why doesn't Lex bring it up? Why would Lex agree to get rid of the person who's more loyal to him, as opposed to the person who's more loyal to Kathy? Anyway, Lex discusses this decision in an interview. And of course, he says that once they decided to vote Jerri off, he decided he had to tell her. Because the last thing you want to introduce into a game of betrayal and deception is secrecy.
So Lex goes to see Jerri, and as soon as he starts in with the "you know I love you," she knows where he's going. She asks him to explain why he would vote her off instead of Amber. Lex also finally tells her that Rob agreed to help him later, in return for keeping Amber, and Jerri basically can't believe that Lex is falling for that. "Boston Rob will tell you anything to keep Amber around," says Jerri, quite correctly. She goes on to talk about how there's obviously this love connection situation going on, and that Rob is going to stab Lex in the back as soon as he gets the opportunity. She also points out that Lex is giving up an ally in favor of someone who will never be an ally. Lex says that he'll think about it more, and then he interviews that this is where the game really starts to get difficult. There's a summit among Lex, Kathy, and Shii Ann, in which Lex passes on the arguments that Jerri made. Kathy tells Shii Ann that they just want to consider Jerri's arguments before they "blip [her] off into the stratosphere." Kathy, of course, would equate being voted off with ceasing to exist, I suppose. "We probably shouldn't have told her," says Shii Ann, making sense for an isolated five seconds. But as soon as Kathy says that they had to tell Jerri, Shii Ann backtracks, agreeing that of course they had to tell her. Which really makes her look stupid. Or, you know, stupider. There's a great shot of the three of them standing around like they're waiting for an intelligent thought to occur to someone, and you can just tell that no matter how long they wait, they can't will it to happen. It's like watching cows wait for a meteorite. Lex interviews that they're headed for tribal council, and no matter what decision they make, these nights are never pleasant. Don't I know it.
FakeChapera comes to tribal council. Jeff brings them in, and starts by asking about the tribe shuffle and the fact that it didn't do much shuffling. He asks them about the new camp. Kathy calls it "a four-star hotel." She says that they, on the other hand, had been at the "3M Motel." The 3M Motel? Oh, right, that's where Post-It Notes stay, I believe. Kathy says that she was actually embarrassed at what a crappy camp they left for the other tribe. Yeah, as she should be. "And you can see, you get stronger!" Kathy says enthusiastically, ignoring the fact that they just lost again.
Now Jeff asks Amber about being separated from her tribe. She says that it was very hard on the first night (snuggling with Shii Ann just isn't the same), but that she had no choice after that but to buck up and try to fall in with the new tribe. Jeff asks her whether she's saying that all of her loyalties to the former Chapera are gone, and she dodges the question (or tries to) by saying that she doesn't know what's going to happen, but for the time being, she has to play with the team she's on.
Jeff asks whether Shii Ann is buying Amber's newfound loyalty to FakeChapera. Shii Ann says that, of course, she doesn't assume that more than three weeks of living together can be erased by a couple of days with idiots like her and Kathy (she omits the word "idiots"), but she also says that Amber is a member of FakeChapera, so Amber has the opportunity to earn their trust "one day at a time."
Jerri is asked about being reunited with Amber, whom she overly chirpily calls her "Outback sister," and Jerri says that while she was happy, it also made her aware that it's a completely different game. People are different, they're playing differently, and old loyalties are really pretty irrelevant. ["I'll say, since that's the first reminder we've had that Jerri and Amber were ever friends." -- Wing Chun]
Jeff asks Lex whether getting Amber was actually good, essentially because it gives them a free body to throw over the side, now that they've lost immunity again. Lex allows as how this is somewhat true, but he goes into a long thing about the game's having twists and turns and blah dee blah. "It ain't over until it's over," he says. So apparently, the game also has old sports metaphors.
Finally, Jeff asks Amber how she'll feel if she goes, and she says that she'll leave knowing that she did her level best to stay in. And then it's time to vote. Lex votes. Jerri votes for Amber, saying, "I'm very proud of the way you're playing this game. You did go down fighting." Shii Ann votes. Amber votes for Jerri: "It's crazy that it's come down to me voting you out to keep myself in this game. I owe you a huge thanks for that." Ouch. Yeah, there's no friend like a friend you can use as a human shield. Kathy votes.
Time to read the votes. One for Jerri. One for Amber. Another for Jerri. And another for Jerri, and that'll do it. Jerri turns and kiss-and-hugs Amber, then she hugs Lex. "I just want you guys to know it's been an honor playing this game with you," she says as she goes to get snuffed. Snuff! As she goes, she waves happily at the tribe, and they wave back. Jeff babbles meaninglessly about what tribal council means, as he is wont to do, and then they all leave.
Jerri's exit interview is very nice, as she says that she thinks that it was pretty rare for her to find all this inner peace while playing this wacky game. "Now I'm ready to go out into the world and see what other craziness I can conquer."
week: Amber wonders if she can keep all the promises she made to keep herself in the game. Rob grabs Alicia as a backup in case his "girl" is gone. And he disappoints someone and has to give the "sorry you feel that way" talk. And, probably, Rob is happy to see that Amber will live long enough to see that he went to the trouble of writing on his arm for her. In pen!