Sleeping With the Enemy

Previously on Survivor, Peachy wore his handsome blue shirt and not his rustic khaki shorty pants suit. Also, HeiDDi had bad teeth. Roger "assumed" that the competition was a battle of the sexes, and you know what happens when you assume? Your unsuspecting ass gets voted off. Also, Deena and Rob planned to take the men out, with Rob apparently not qualifying as one. Deena emphatically claimed the game as her own, and although that issue remains in question, her ownership of the season's first immunity challenge did not: besting Christy at Rock, Paper, Scissors, she took home the victory.

Fog, a stuffed animal resembling toucan, and a delightful sloth bring us to Jacke on Day 22. Deena holds up a pair of skivvies, calling them "a last memory of Roger." The tribe members, led by Deena, laughingly decide to hang the undies up in a tree. As Rob plays air bugle, Deena tells us in a voice-over that Roger was "this sexist, arrogant man," and that his departure left the group a lighter, happier tribe. Rob cracks up mid-"Taps," and Jenna calls him out for being flat, an accusation no one could direct at HeiDDi. Rob's response is that he hasn't "tuned [his] bugle" in a couple weeks. We see another close-up of the tighty whities, which are technically more like tighty greyies. In an interview, Deena tells us she's still in control of the tribe, although she feels like she's moving 120 miles an hour and her "panties are still on fire." Thirty seconds into this episode, and I've already seen and heard more than I ever wanted to know about the undergarments of this season's competitors.

We see Alex, Matthew, and Davey Rockett seated, Davey Rockett looking particularly wary. He voice-overs that last night's Tribal Council was an "interesting" turn of events, proving that no one really knows what's going on in the game. Technically, last night's Tribal Council proved only that Davey Rockett, Butch, and Roger didn't really know what was going on in the game. Still, Davey Rockett adds that his game has been turned completely upside down, and that he's lost all stability just because he put his "roots" into an alliance with Roger. He sleepily concludes that he has to adjust to the way things are right now.

Davey Rockett and Butch examine the shoreline as Butch voice-overs in an interview that he and Davey Rockett are planning to build a dock as a "courtesy" to the other members of the tribe, so that their feet don't get wet. Butch plaintively tells us that feet are miserable when they're wet. The two men hack at trees and then run through the jungle in spastic panic to avoid one falling over on them. Davey Rockett scales yet another branchless tree using only his arms. He's suddenly something like fifteen or twenty feet in the air while, back at camp, Rob spots him across the treetops, and nudges Christy to look. Rob wonders aloud if there isn't a tree good enough that's not twenty feet high. Hee. Deena agrees that it is kind of funny. In an interview, Rob tells us he's got a problem with Davey Rockett because Davey thinks he's the smartest person in the world. He complains that Dave is, "Mr. Adventure. Mr. Personality. All the girls wanna get with him," and that Rob can't take anymore of his arrogance and showing off. As we see Davey Rockett shimmying back down the tree and nonchalantly brushing himself off, Rob concludes that Davey Rockett has to go because he's a threat, even though the more obvious conclusion is that Davey Rockett has to go because he's good with the ladies. Rob reveals that the main alliance right now is himself, Deena, HeiDDi, Jenna, and Alex, who happen to be the five people whom he most enjoys spending his time with.

As Davey Rockett and Butch haul a giant log together, Alex tells the rest of the group that if Davey Rockett doesn't win the immunity challenge, they'll vote him out; the others agree. In a voice-over, Davey Rockett explains that his intent has been just to be himself: "What you get is gonna be Dave Johnson no matter what." And as normal as Davey Rockett seems compared to most of the other players, he still talks about himself in the third person, proving that "normal" is just a relative term when it comes to reality shows. In a rain-soaked interview, Dave tells us that he's on good terms with everyone, and is dedicated, motivated and fun. He also likes long walks on the beach and astromolecular physics. Davey Rockett thinks his admirable traits will help keep him around, and he plans to start building alliance with the remaining players in the game. Although the words look hopeful, he seems pretty despondent as he details his plans. We see the dock, which is just a small pile of floating logs. Davey Rockett and Butch agree that it's not bad at all. And for a small pile of floating logs, I guess it's fine.

A creature that looks almost as much like something out of Lord of the Rings as HeiDDi does perks up and snuggles back down. We hear a nails-on-the-chalkboard sound, as the camera pans over to reveal Matthew obsessively sharpening his machete. The other tribe members look perplexed and worried, before Rob tells us in an interview that he's been living with the "craziest man [he's] ever met." Deena asks whether anyone else is as disturbed as she is by Matthew's actions, and Matthew counters that the machete needs a lot of work. When Jenna asks whether he plans to "butcher" them, Matthew contemplates the machete before promising that he won't harm anyone. He claims to be a pacifist before skeevily insisting, "Blood scares me too. I don't like the sight of blood. I mean, human blood. My own blood. Blah." Aside from the fact that Matthew seems to think disliking the sight of his own blood makes him unique, he pronounces "blood" like Dracula would: "Bloooooood." An open-mouthed Christy stares at Matthew before telling us in an interview, "Matt is creepy. He's just creepy. He's creepy." She signs what I'm assuming is the word for "creepy," and lowers her voice to a whisper. Hee.

Back at camp, Matthew is still sharpening the machete while the other members of the tribe continue to stare. Rob tells us in an interview that Matthew sits and sharpens his machete for hours at a time. He asks, "Why does he need the machete so sharp? I think he's gonna kill us!" We see Matt's sharpening in slow motion, accompanied by his glinty, toothy, dead-faced grin, and his unappealing, flexing muscle. Rob adds that he's afraid that after Matthew's voted out, he'll kill them all. In an interview, Alex adds that Matt is not only a threat, but that he's also "kind of losing it." Alex says there's a "weird vibe" coming from Matthew, and that no one is comfortable around him. This is accompanied by a hilarious shot of Matthew staring over at Alex, staring at his machete, cocking his head sideways, slitting his eyes, and staring back at Alex. He then slams the machete into a piece of wood. Eek!

The S9 hike through a very green field, where Peachy awaits their arrival to announce that the challenge is for individual reward, and will be played in two rounds. They will first be grouped in three teams of three, followed by a second round in which the members of the winning team will compete against each other in a final, individual race. Peachy points out a pool of mud with five colored flags, explaining that the teams will be belted to a bungee cord with the goal of collecting all five flags, the furthest being the most difficult to reach because of the tension of the cord. The first team to retrieve all five flags in the proper order will win the challenge and then compete against each other in the final round. Peachy reveals that the reward is "an afternoon of refreshment," causing Jenna to throw her head back and cover her eyes as if the words "afternoon of refreshment" actually means something to her. First, the winner will get a "nice, cool bath," and Peachy emphasizes the fact that it will be with cold water. Who wants a bath in cold water? ["If you had been hot as a crotch for twenty-two straight days, you might." -- Wing Chun] Obviously Peachy does; he revels in the promise that the winner can lie back and get clean. The winner will also get a banana split with chocolate syrup, a brownie sundae, and strawberries and cream.

The tribes draw teams, with the division as follows: Christy, Rob, and Butch; Davey Rockett, Deena, and Alex; and Jenna, Matthew, and HeiDDi. They're off and in the mud, and Deena takes an early digger. As much as it pains me to say it, Jenna and HeiDDi seem pretty good at this challenge, but then again, their combined sixty-five pounds of body weight don't offer up much resistance. Meanwhile, Butch appears to be attempting to swim through the mud, which can't be more than two feet deep.

Matthew's team is ahead for much of the race, Davey Rockett's team close behind. Jenna loses her shorts. We get a close-up shot of her pixilated ass, and the cameraman gets a fiver tossed his way. Rob and Butch take a different approach, attempting to pull/push Christy up to the flag while they remain behind. It doesn't appear to be working all that well, but it's a noble effort. Or maybe I just like Butch.

As the tribes approach the fourth and fifth flags, they all slow to a crawl. Although her team is behind, Christy appears to be having a really good time, which is nice to see. Matthew, meanwhile, is positively snarling. This challenge would have been so much more entertaining if the cord had snapped them back once they'd retrieved each flag. What a missed opportunity! They don't, however, miss the opportunity to show another shot of Jenna's shortsless ass.

Down to the final flag, and Davey Rockett, Alex, and Deena have taken the lead. Jenna is more focused on the other tribes' progress than her own, and Peachy admonishes her: "Don't look at them, guys. Let's go!" Alex snatches his team's last flag, and they bicycle backwards toward the finishing line while Peachy enthuses, "Ooooh! Backstroke!" It's an easy victory from this point in, and so Deena, Alex, and Davey Rockett move on to compete against each other in the final round.

The individual contest is Davey Rockett's from the start, with Alex a close second, and Deena a distant third. Peachy narrates that Deena's "bringin' up the rear," which is hella different than "own[ing]" the game, I'd say. As Peachy says, "Just like that, it's over," and Davey Rockett is proclaimed the victor. Peachy congratulates him on the "nicely done" win, and Davey Rockett faux-humbly responds, "Appreciate that." Peachy then asks, "But what is an afternoon spent alone?" and gives Davey Rockett the option to take along another player with him. Davey Rockett hides two fingers behind his back, and at first I think it's some sort of "jinx" thing, but instead he asks Alex and Deena to pick either one or two. Deena gets it right and leaps over to Dave, happily announcing, "I could kiss you!" Davey Rockett demonstrates exemplary restraint by not begging her not to. Meanwhile, Jenna looks pissed while HeiDDi looks flummoxed. How could he not have picked HeiDDi? She's cute! She's young! She's thin! She's 100% inorganic and flame-retardant!

Four birds take flight to happy music as Peachy leads Deena and Davey Rockett on a trek through the jungle toward their reward. He announces that he thinks they'll like what has been prepared for them, and I hope so, considering the whole "reward" thing and all. The camera shows us bath supplies, including fancy soaps, shampoo and conditioner, and two wooden troughs. Yes, I said "wooden troughs." They couldn't have dragged some nice clawfoot tubs out there? Peachy reads the script intended for any grouping of players, announcing that it's "a little afternoon hideaway for you two." Peachy then realizes that Deena is indeed one of the winners, so hurries to desexualize the challenging by pointing out the "his and hers" bathtubs. He also seems particularly excited about the "bath bombs," which he eagerly explains are "those little white balls." , Peachy shows off the food, including a pitcher of iced tea; the so-called banana splits -- which appear to be a bowl of two plain bananas; strawberries and cream; and a brownie sundae that could be more accurately described as brownie sundae soup. They couldn't have put it on ice or something? I mean, we already know they dragged a refrigerator out there, so why not a freezer? In any case, Peachy proclaims the area theirs to enjoy, and Deena calls it "the bomb." Peachy doesn't rush to say, "As I already told you once, those little white balls over there are the bombs."

Peachy makes his exit, and Deena and Davey Rockett set down their stuff and embrace. Deena heads straight for the sundae, while Davey Rockett is in "strawberry bliss." They continue to feast as Deena moans, "Somebody slap me!" I'm sure, based on some of her more egotistical comments, there are a few contenders. Davey Rockett and Deena agree that the meal is the best thing in the world, but Davey Rockett thinks he's going to be sick. Maybe from the two-day-old rancid cream.