Last time on Survivor, Miss Alli kicked it as guest recapper. Many, many thanks to her on behalf of myself and all the readers. No thanks to her on behalf of spewed-upon keyboards everywhere.
Also last time on Survivor, Deena was "alpha female top dog" at Jaburu after scripture-wielding Joanna was voted out. Shawna bleated her dismay that no one cared about her flagging health. Deena told us that she didn't care about Shawna's flagging health. As the youngest members of their respective tribes, Dave and Jenna spent an evening together, and Jenna gave up all of Jaburu's secrets while Dave gave up all of Tambaqui's ages and professions. In the morning, Peachy revealed that they would be responsible for the redivision of the S12. Christy, HeiDDi, and Jeanne headed off to Tambaqui, where Jeanne sentenced herself to an early ejection from the game by professing to feeling "awesome" about the new tribe. Meanwhile, Alex, Rob, and Matthew joined Jaburu, where Shawna "dug" Alex, leading Deena to believe that Shawna was not as interested in "the chick thing" as she suddenly was in the "Alex thing." Or maybe in "Alex's thing," more precisely. Jaburu won immunity, and HeiDDi scrunched up her faced in one of the myriad unattractive ways she's prone to before siding with the men and voting Jeanne out of the Amazon. Eleven are left; who will be voted out tonight?
It's Night 15, and Tambaqui go about their night-vision business. Christy expresses shock over Jeanne's ejection because she considered Jeanne one of the tribe's strongest members. Christy's not mad at HeiDDi, but she needs an answer. Roger slow-talks -- in a way that would be offensive if Christy wasn't deaf -- that the answer is "very clear": Jeanne brought assets to Tambaqui that were already embodied by Butch. Meanwhile, Christy and HeiDDi brought different assets -- he cites HeiDDi's "strength" and Christy's enthusiasm and determination. Even if the part about Christy were true, she should discount Roger's argument based entirely on his untrue flattery of HeiDDi. Christy buys it all anyway, though. Dave, however, does not, and tells us in an interview that Roger's explanation was completely different than the reason they initially decided to vote off Jeanne. Rocket scientist Dave, by the way, has a new nickname: Davey Rockett. I don't know how I missed that for the first five weeks. Roger tells the group that they need to move forward as a new tribe because there's no guaranteed merger ahead, and HeiDDi adds that they need to work their asses off. Davey Rockett earnestly tells us that they voted Jeanne off because she was Jaburu's target. HeiDDi explains that she decided to turn on the women's alliance because otherwise Tambaqui would not have felt like a team. Christy tells the group that she'd thought she was the weak one, and chokes up a little as she adds, "So I'm really glad you see something in me!" The men insist that they're glad to have her, and restate that they are indeed a new team. Davey Rockett points out that tomorrow's a new day, and the tribe heads off to bed.
A big bird, a crocodile, and a patch of reeds bring us to morning on Day 16 at Tambaqui. The bleary-eyed tribe wakes as HeiDDi voice-overs that, as a new team, she expected Tambaqui would "be like this team working together as a team." As we go to her interview, we see just how easily Barbie can turn into Harpie after eighteen days without a mirror. Davey Rockett asks what the order of operations will be for the day, and Roger responds that the men will try out the fishing net, while the women will work on a new latrine. HeiDDi complains that she and Christy ended up doing one thing together while the men went off and did something else. I think her issue is as much with working on the latrine or having to work with Christy than about the men's being separatist. HeiDDi won't even look Christy in the eye to talk to her when it's just the two of them; she turns her head away as she questions her decision to vote off Jeanne. HeiDDi thinks the current situation is a "bunch of crap." Christy, meanwhile, is paying close attention despite HeiDDi's rudeness. HeiDDi doesn't know if the men are "just not getting it, or..." She can't even finish that sentence because the alternative is so inconceivable: that the men just don't care what she thinks or wants.
We scan the treetops toward a snake slithering and hissing its way up a tree. Matthew is eager to brush his teeth for the first time in sixteen days. He announces that he wants to eat the toothpaste, and then grosses out the rest of his tribe by tonguing it for several seconds. He tells us in an interview that being at Jaburu is a huge improvement for him, because at Tambaqui he was at risk of being voted out . Rob uses the same toothbrush and asks the tribe, "Does anybody wanna make out with me right now?" Matthew responds that he will as soon as he brushes his teeth -- so either he wants to brush them again in preparation, or this is edited contrary to the actual sequence of events. In an interview, Rob tells us that he brushed his teeth like he was detailing his car. If he had a car, that is. Because really, how many of the twenty-four-year-olds who karaoke in their parents' basements have their own sets of wheels? So anyway, Rob adds, "My mouth feels so good. I want one of the girls to kiss me, but none of them want to do it...which is surprising." the toothbrush gets handed off to Alex, who proclaims it the best thing that's happened to him in sixteen days. Deena tells us in an interview that she was rattled by the tribal switch because as the oldest and with nothing in common with the others, she is now an easy target and will have to readjust. However, she now thinks the guys are "fascinating," and she absolutely adores them. Matthew tells Deena that the male members of the new Tambaqui tribe were very strategic and tactical about what they revealed to each other. He thinks Jaburu is different, leading Deena to the brilliant conclusion that "girls are different than boys." In an interview, Matthew tells us that everyone in the new Jaburu seems genuine, but appearances can be deceiving. Still, he finds it comfortable -- at least on the surface.
The camera pans over to Alex, who is apparently eager to throw away all his chances in the game because Shawna's a talented head-scratcher. As Shawna continues to pick and prod at Alex's scalp, he lies with his head on her stomach and explains that he went on Survivor to compete, but that he also loves the adventure and meeting chicks. Alex continues, "I'm gettin' all mushy, but..." and a peeved Jenna interjects to say she feels like she's at a drive-in movie, all, "Hey guys, can I tag along?" Alex tells us in an interview that there might be romance in the air, but that there's definitely interest and flirtation. He loves to flirt -- especially with someone else who's a flirt, because it feels good. We return to Shawna scratching at Alex's scabby scalp, and he cautions that he'll never stop her, so she should just stop whenever she wants. She keeps scratching away before telling us in an interview that she and Alex enjoy taking care of each other, and that whether it evolves into something or not, they definitely clicked. She looks so much better when her hair is pulled back and not so visibly nappy. Shawna continues explaining that she definitely wants to get to know Alex better because he's an incredible person. She brings it back to herself -- no surprise -- by saying that most remarkably of all, he's seen her at her very worst already, which is "revealing."
Back at Jaburu, Rob and Deena head off together to check treemail, and Deena proposes that they can safely assume the reward has "graduated" from Coke to food. The clue reads, "Looks like your dinners are tasting pretty bland. Keep your focus and your balance, and give your meals a helping hand." Is my mind in the gutter for going some place dirty with that "dinners tasting pretty bland" bit? Rob asks, "Spices?" as if he's proposing an alternate solution to Fermat's Last Theorem, and then further suggests, "Salt and pepper?" In an interview he tells us that they hoped the reward would be a meal, but couldn't really know what it would be or what "added bonus" might be thrown in.
An aerial view reveals a muddy pool of water spanned by a giant log. Peachy encourages Jaburu to have their first look at the new Tambaqui, and eagerly points out that Jeanne is missing. No one looks surprised. Peachy explains that the day's reward challenge requires both strength and coordination, as the S11 will compete against each other to stay on a revolving log. One at a time, they'll face a same-sex member of the opposite tribe, and the first person to "fall off the log and hit the water" loses. So if they fall off the log and somehow make it to dry land, they're in the clear? Also, Peachy makes it sound like the log revolves independently, when really it is influenced by the movements of the competitors. In any case, Peachy announces that they'll be competing in randomly selected pairs until one tribe reaches five points.
And on to what they're playing for: Peachy points out that their meals of manioc and fish have probably been getting a little bland, and he thought he'd help them spice it up. He reveals a basket full of spices and vegetables, as well as a huge platter of colorful fresh fruit, including an entire pineapple, giant strawberries, and plums. The tribes are very excited and clap for the fruit.
Peachy announces that Jaburu will have to sit out a woman, because Tambaqui is short a girl, and they decide on Deena. Matthew and Roger are first to compete, and Davey Rockett insists on calling Matthew "Mateo," which I find kind of annoying. Or maybe I just find Matthew annoying. Quirky, tooty music plays in the background as Matthew and Roger start hopping around on the log. It's not a very graceful endeavor, and their arms flail as their legs jig over the log. They look like cartoon characters who have been given simultaneous hotfoots, and Roger appears to be practicing his Jane Fonda-taught aerobic arm circles. Finally, he falls in, causing Matthew to suck in his gut and beat his disturbingly puffed-out chest.
HeiDDi and Shawna are , and Shawna is very nonchalant about the whole thing. Her soccer skills come in handy, and she immediately begins rolling the log to throw HeiDDi off balance. In response, HeiDDi sits down on the log and slides right off.
Alex and Dave are in a well-matched competition. It looks like they're engaged in some bizarre mating dance ritual with each other as they alternate watching each others' feet and faces. Peachy proclaims it "the best match so far," and it is. In fact, this is one of my favorite challenges so far because there's actually some skill involved. I did have fun throughout this challenge visualizing the log disappearing and a light-up dance floor appearing beneath their feet instead. The log rolls faster and faster until both men are practically running sideways. They fall at the same time, but Alex hits the water first, so Davey Rockett is proclaimed the winner.
Butch and a fleshy-looking Rob are . Clearly one for the nicknames, Davey Rockett cheers for "Robaroo!" Neither appears to be in particular control of what their movements, but Butch prevails, surprising everyone, including himself. A fallen Rob clings to the log for nearly its entire 360-degree rotation.
The match pits Christy against Jenna, and I know Survivor isn't a fashion show, but Christy could really benefit from a new swimsuit. Frump factor aside, baggy spandex flatters no one. Jenna can't even balance on the still log, better yet a moving one. Christy's only slightly better, but she still bests Jenna, who nearly smashes her body against the side of the log on her way down. The score is now 3-2 Tambaqui.
Roger and Alex are , and we already know where this is headed since Alex was one of the best log rollers we've seen and Roger was one of the worst. Roger has learned a little from his first attempt, but he still quickly takes a digger. Cocky Alex falls off as well, slamming first against the log and then against the platform. Peachy narrates, "Alex, with a hard hit!"
Now Shawna and HeiDDi face off again, which is annoying. They should have rotated through the competitors; as much as I like to see HeiDDi her ass kicked, it would have been nice to see her and Jenna face off in the Battle of the Barbizon women. Shawna skillfully makes her way toward the center of the log, turning sideways and using all sorts of fancy footwork -- she might as well throw in a head butt. HeiDDi half-falls, half-jumps off the log while Peachy announces, "HeiDDi takes a dive!" HeiDDi tries to laugh off the fact that she just lost and Jaburu is now in a 4-3 lead.
Butch and Matthew are to compete, and Butch once again looks completely out of control but still manages to outlast Matthew. Meanwhile, Christy gives us a quick brief preview of the white girl dance she'll perform in a few minutes.
The score is now 4-4, and we get a close-up of Jenna's and Christy's legs braced against the log in preparation for Peachy's start. This close-up reveals that Jenna shaves her legs, while Christy does not. Christy thumps her baggy chest at Jenna, whose legs are so scrawny they can barely support her standing weight, never mind running or attempting to balance on a rotating log. Both women are more wobbly than skillful, but Jenna follows HeiDDi's lead and jumps off when the going gets rough. Yippee! Tambaqui is proclaimed the winner, and HeiDDi tries to hug all the men while they try to get around her to help Christy out of the mud pit. Meanwhile, Matthew gives Jenna a quick hand to help her out of the water, and then retracts it as quickly as he can. Hee. Back at Tambaqui, Roger makes a hand gesture which I'm guessing is Christy-taught sign language for "fish" in keeping with the meaning of Tambaqui's name. Christy commences the full-on white-girl dance -- in slow motion, no less -- which isn't the least bit flattering, but is mildly cute in its sheer joy. ["As my sister noted: 'She dances like she's deaf.'" -- Wing Chun]
The disheartened Jaburus return to camp as an adorably cautious sloth makes its way up a tree. Alex tells the group that although the reward would have been nice, all that matters is immunity. He then asks, "Who's up for a bath?" and they all excitedly decide to "go get clean!" In an interview, Jenna tells us that she didn't care that they lost, because they "eat good here anyway." Coming from someone who appears not to eat ever, I guess "eat[ing] good" is relative. She tells us that they decided to "take a bath to celebrate."
We join the group in the muddy water, and Alex tells the others that "people pay a lot of money for this back in L.A." They frolic in the sludgy bath, and agree that it would be marketed in the U.S. as an "Amazon Mud Bath." Alex adds that he doesn't even think you could get that treatment in L.A., but maybe that's because no one would want it. The tribe members scrub each other down, and Matthew creepily bores a hole in Shawna's back with his dead, serial-killer eyes. Deena -- who remains separate from the others -- tells us in an interview that the activity involved a lot of "pecking and brushing and, uh, monkey grooming." But maybe there's just a little bitterness there, since no one wants to groom her monkey. Shawna's back must be really filthy because now Rob's scrubbing at it, too! Jenna, meanwhile, is forced to wash herself. In an interview, Alex tells us that the "super-highlight" of the bath was having Shawna scrub his back twice "with a loofah and a brush!" There's surely a fetish site devoted to that. Matthew skeevily compliments Jenna on her leopard-print bikini; she then tells us in an interview that if her bathing suit helps her go farther in the game, it's fine by her. She concludes, "I'm sure it was good eye candy for them." The girls on this season have such low self-esteem! In an interview, Shawna tells us that the women were in a position of power during the bathing, which she found "hilarious." She thinks guys always dream about "bathing in Amazonian rivers with three half-dressed women." To her credit, she doesn't completely discount Deena's presence as everyone else seems to. Matthew oozes over to Shawna with the claim that he "wouldn't mind a little scrub." He then exclaims, "Awesome!" except the "awe" is about five syllables long. In an interview Rob boasts that he just took a bath with "two hot chicks," one of whom was a swimsuit model. He adds, "I'd like to repeat. I just took a bath with a swimsuit model." The group wonders aloud why they waited so long to take a bath with each other. I mean -- it's been sixteen whole days, those prudes! I bathe with my new friends after half that time! Periodically throughout this bath, they appear to pluck leeches off each other. Sexy! Not to mention all the men are wearing Speedos. Where did they get these people? In an interview, Deena asks, "Was there something going on? You bet! Women over men...this is how they work them." She concludes by telling us that she's sitting back taking it all in because, she says, "I know where the players are playin' and I know where the players aren't playing."
The sloth is still making its way up the tree as we head to Tambaqui. The tribe returns from the challenge to find their fruit and spices awaiting them. HeiDDi congratulates the others: "Well-needed, well-deserved." In an interview, she tells us it was a "big one." Roger counts out the fruits. Roger must like to count things; he counted the sodas in their fridge, as well. HeiDDi narrates that they won vegetables, spices, and "fruits galore," but more importantly, the victory showed that she was part of a strong team. As the tribe members feast, they discuss their win. Christy reveals that she was glad to compete against Jenna because she wanted to take her down. Butch groans, "She went down!" and Christy emphatically responds, "I needed her to go down like that." HeiDDi half-heartedly pats Christy's shoulder. Christy announces that when Butch's turn on the log came up, she thought to herself, "He's believing in himself! He's believing in himself!" HeiDDi tries to distract the group from her own pitiful performance by going on about how they came together as a tribe and pulled the challenge off "as a team, not as individuals." Like any non-contributing member of a team says.
Butch announces that he'd like to share something with the group. And if Butch wasn't so earnest, he'd be kind of hard to take. He reveals that he's had five or six "defining moments" in his life, and he has added another one within the past few days. He says that Christy's smile when she realized she'd been kept at Tambaqui for her talents and abilities was unbelievable, and when she climbed out of the water after the day's victory, he thought she was "gonna jump out of her skin." No, that's HeiDDi in week's episode. Butch thinks Christy at that moment realized her value to the tribe, and realized that she was one of them. She'll never forget that moment, and he won't either. He looks her in the eye and says, "You don't have a disability. That's how I feel about it." A gleeful Christy tells us in an interview that she's strived throughout her life to show people what Butch expressed: "There's nothing wrong with me!" A choked-up Christy thanks Butch, who bashfully responds that he meant what he said, and that he's proud of her for excelling.
A crocodile eases into the water and slithers along -- not, I hope, toward the cute, happy little otter, which oddly resembles Piglet, frolicking nearby. As we see Deena and Rob together, Rob reveals in an interview that going into the tribal switch, he and Alex had an alliance, but Alex has since lost his momentum: he's not as interested in playing the game as he is in making friends, "which is stupid 'cause he could have stayed home and made a bunch of friends." We see a shot of Alex and Shawna napping with their hands entwined on her chest as Rob tells us that he wasn't looking for that in an alliance, and then he met Deena. They wash their clothes in the muddy water as Deena asks about his plans. Rob asks, "For what?" and Deena clarifies -- if you can call it that -- with "in general." He finally deduces that she means "strategy." She confides that she "[has] Jenna and HeiDDi." Rob rushes to say that he'd hate to vote out Alex or Shawna, but that he has to do what he has to do. Deena questions what kind of allegiance Rob could really have to them anyway, since they've only known each other for sixteen days. In an interview, Rob tells us that Deena is as hungry as he is, and that no one would expect them to have an alliance because they have nothing in common. Deena asks Rob whether he minds "bein' with a bunch of chicks," and Rob manages to respond calmly, "I could do worse." He then gets a little too comfortable and tells Deena that his strategy from the beginning of the game was to turn on the men's alliance after the merger because he knew he wasn't in their final three. In an interview, a tanned and healthy-looking Deena explains that Rob approached her for help, which was convenient because she needed help, as well. We rejoin their conversation as Rob tells Deena he'd like to unload Matthew because he's annoying, but that they need him. In an interview, Rob tells us that the conversation with Deena helped him realize that they need Matthew around, both for his fishing ability and for his vote.
We join Matthew and Rob as they walk through the jungle, and a quick pan to the water reveals that the Piglet-esque sea otter has at least temporarily escaped the nasty caiman. Rob tells Matthew that when the tribes merge, they'll tell the original members of Tambaqui that they're targeting one of the girls, but instead they'll go after Dave or Roger. Matthew thinks that would be great, but that it would be better if they went after one of the girls, too, and then chopped her up into itty-bitty pieces and fed her to a crocodile. Matthew, enunciating every word, tells us in an interview that it was "really nice" to spend some time with Rob, who had previously maintained his distance out of "insecurity." Matthew thinks Rob has approached him with a "genuine offer" to stay together throughout the game. Matthew asks if there's anything "shifty underway," or if there have been any "sidebar conversations," and Rob grinningly refutes that there's anything going on. He insists that everyone is genuine, and Matthew cuts in to say that he likes Shawna but that he's not "like, scooping for affection, that's for sure." Rob tells us in an interview that Matthew has no idea he's being played. He adds, "The guy is a complete idiot and has no concept of what's goin' on in this game around him." Maybe because he's too busy looking for places to dump the bodies. Matthew merrily catches fish while Rob wonders whether Matthew knows he's a threat in the game. Meanwhile, Matthew nearly ensnares Deena with the fishing hook. Accident? I think not. In any case, Rob insists that Matthew is indeed a physical threat, and that as soon as he stops catching fish or "doing what we tell him to," they'll vote him out. As we go to commercial, we see Matthew in repose, and the row of neatly skewered fish carcasses over the fire, much like Matthew will do with the bodies of his victims before he eats them.
Day turns into night, and now the tribe makes conversation around the fire. Jenna asks what Matthew would do to sweep a girl off her feet, and Matthew responds that it depends on the girl: some merit a good throttling; others, slow dismemberment. Jenna clarifies, "Question is: you guys both take Shawna out. Sweep her off her feet!" Rob is a little too excited over the hypothetical as he asks, "You mean, I'm takin' Shawna out?" Jenna says he is, and further clarifies that he and Alex will each go on a date with Shawna and not on big date together -- this isn't The Third Wheel, after all. Shawna wants to hear about Matt's date too, because it's no fun if every man in the tribe isn't obsessing over how to best please her. She yells to Matt that they're playing the game and orders, "You have to date me!" He says, "Oh, cool," scoring a point by mustering a very small amount of enthusiasm at the prospect. In an interview, Shawna tells us that since darkness falls early in the jungle, they have to make their own fun. So much the better if the fun made happens to be all about her. She further explains that tonight they're playing The Dating Game, and that she has to choose between the men's dates.
Alex is first, and smarmily announces that the date will begin in the late morning because Shawna has already made it clear that she likes to shop. I missed the correlation there, but this whole thing is so annoying that I'm not devoting any more time to figuring it out. Regardless, Shawna laughs like it's the wittiest thing she's ever heard, while Matthew whines that all girls like to shop, so it's not like Alex said anything all that great. Alex ignores Matthew's objection, and goes on to say that they'll go climbing and have a picnic lunch. He then gets just a little too turned on with the, "Gotta have the E.L. Fudge cookies for dessert." Shawna makes a "rock on" face before telling us in an interview that the game was fun because each of the men knows her differently, and that it was fun to see what they came up with as the ideal date for her.
Matt is , and announces that Shawna arrives for her date the night before and is "well rested." Aside from Matthew's standard bizarreness, this is just bizarre. But I suppose a serial killer likes a well rested victim -- the tired-out ones are just no fun. He says he'll take Shawna to the top of a hill in a "chauffer-driven limo," as opposed to -- as my friend Miriam pointed out -- a limo he drove himself. This special hill has a "magnificent view, an unparalleled view," not to mention a remote location where Shawna's screams won't be heard. As he rambles on with this completely unoriginal, unimaginative date, he voice-overs in an interview that he was at a disadvantage because Washington, D.C. doesn't have as many cool things to do or places to go as Los Angeles and New York do. ["I don't think he understood that this date wasn't actually going to happen in real life, so the location was immaterial." -- Wing Chun] Still, he saw the fake date as the opportunity to build something with Shawna "because there's definitely potential there."
As Rob begins his turn, it sounds like the intro to "Everybody Hurts" is welling up in the background, but it trails off as he says that the date will consist of his parents picking Shawna up and driving her back to their house for a night of raucous basement karaoke. As likely as that would be, he rallies with something different, and instead sets the scene at Christmastime in Manhattan. The group is very much in the Christmas spirit and cheer while Shawna congratulates Rob on his "good start." Which, as most ladies will tell you, is just as important as a strong finish. Rob explains that there are always matinees on Wednesdays, and afterward they can go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center. As Rob drones on, Shawna voice-overs that she's physically weak, but that her "mind has definitely taken over [her] body." She now has a new outlook on the game since "the guys saved [her] from the women." In other words, it wasn't possible for her to have fun without the attention of men. Shawna proclaims Rob's date "the most incredible date ever," and he is still shocked that he got to go on even a hypothetical date with a girl.
The sun rises and the camera focuses on a dragonfly, which is not nearly as cute or cuddly as the otter-like animal peaking out from behind a tree. A mongoose? A weasel? Shawna lays down to Alex, and Matthew shifts over to plant his head on her crotch. Alex warily looks over before telling us in an interview that as he and Shawna get closer, Matt keeps bring the conversation back to his own "romantic situations." Alex explains that he and Shawna were "kind of cuddled up sleepin'," and then Matthew started using her as a pillow because he felt left out. Maybe that's what Matthew does with his victims -- makes pillows out of them and sells them in upscale D.C. establishments. The genius! As we witness the Shawna sandwich (with extra cheese), Deena voice-overs that Shawna experienced a "miraculous recovery" upon the boys's arrival at camp, but that Shawna's still done little work since the third day. Deena says that Shawna isn't working Matt as hard as she's working Alex, but that she's still flirtatious. Deena concludes, "And anybody who gets together exclusively against all others poses a threat to me."
We rejoin Tambaqui, where Butch and Christy check the treemail to find a giant bone. Butch picks it up and jokes, "I don't wanna meet the dog this goes to." Hee. They return to camp and Roger reads the clue aloud: "Feeding frenzy, are you up to the task? Who's more voracious? Three more days you'll last!" Davey Rockett proves that you don't need much of a vocabulary to become a rocket scientist by repeating that "vorocious" sounds like they'll have to eat "a big, big pile of somethin'." When Christy says she thinks she can do it, Davey Rockett orders that she is going to do it. Christy titters because the cute boy is talking to her.
The tribes arrive at the challenge, and Peachy reclaims the immunity idol from Rob, proclaiming it back up for grabs. He announces that today's challenge is a "Survivor frenzy," which he insists is not all that different from "a group of piranhas and they get a fresh piece of meat and they just begin to attack that meat!" Once he manages to control his excitement, Peachy announces that each tribe will have a piece of beef, both the same weight. With their hands tied behind their backs, the S11 will attempt to tear as much off the meat slab and then deposit it from their mouths onto a scale. Peachy eagerly mimes the beef-biting, and he's just a little too excited about this challenge. After ten minutes, the tribe with the most meat -- measured by weight -- in its basket will win immunity. Jaburu decides to sit out Jenna even though you'd think she'd be an expert at regurgitating chewed-up food.
This challenge? It's nasty! The giant shanks of beef -- which appear to have been cooked in some sort of sticky barbecue sauce -- dangle from oversized hooks. The tribe members throw themselves at the beef, desperately licking, tearing, and gnawing at the meat. HeiDDi's hair is all stuck in it as Butch tries to steady the beef under his chin and against his body, while the other members of his tribe chow down. This is bad enough, but the shots of them hocking the nasty little beef bits into the pail? Yeurggh. Matthew drops a teensy piece which Deena steps on; he then picks it up with his mouth anyway. Peachy tells him, "You're gonna need some dental floss tonight!" Dave gnaws off a solid chunk of meat, and they're accumulating quite a pile there! They should let the winners eat what they've chewed up. Roger gets a piece of beef stuck in his teeth, and Butch uses his own mouth to empty Roger's. Yuck. Rob and Matthew work together to tear off a huge piece, while HeiDDi manages the same while working along. Peachy narrates that "HeiDDi got a huge piece," which bring the tribes to a tie. Jenna coaches from the sidelines while Peachy announces that with sixty seconds to go, "everybody needs to be chewin'." Now HeiDDi has some meat stuck in her teeth, and Roger comes over to help her out with it. Aside from the fact that looking straight at this exchange causes pain to shoot through my eyes and head, I can't quite figure out what's going on here. Their open mouths meet, and Roger exclaims, "Ow!" HeiDDi then apologizes profusely, and at first I thought she was doing so for slipping him the tongue, but then my friend pointed out that she might have actually bitten him. More meat-grabbing and saliva-covered-meat-hocking ensue, before Peachy finally wraps it up. As he proclaims it a terrific competition, Deena gets clocked on the head by the swinging carcass of her tribe's meat. Hee. Jaburu's meat pile weighs just under nine kilograms, while Tambaqui's weighs just over nine kilograms. Yay! The tribe rejoices, while Peachy sentences a meat-covered Jaburu to Tribal Council.
The Jaburu flag looks very downtrodden on Day 18. The tribe members sit around looking pensive, as Shawna opens up a discussion. Deena jumps in to make a "completely selfish statement": she insists that she's been honest from the beginning and that she doesn't want to go home. Shawna agrees -- and at first I think she's going to say that she doesn't want to go either -- but she surprises me by saying she doesn't want either of the other girls to go before she does. She doesn't want to leave but adds, "I'm on for the girls' side." Alex insists that Shawna's been a big part of the tribe by staying. In short, he calls her "awesome" for succeeding in not being voted off before the switch. Still, Shawna is flattered and warbles that she feels like crying. Alex says the reality is that either he or Matt will be voted off. He apologizes to Matt, and says that his vote is for Matt just because Alex doesn't want to vote off any of the girls. By "any of the girls," he clearly means "Shawna." Matthew reveals that he'll trade votes with Alex. In an interview, Jenna tells us that she doesn't know what to do because she's close to Shawna and doesn't want to vote for her. She adds, "I like her company. And between her and Matt, I'd like her company more than Matt's company." Shawna joins Alex in saying that, although she doesn't want to, she'll vote for Matt. She refuses to get rid of Alex because he helped her through a difficult time. Rob tells us in an interview that he expected Shawna to tell the tribe to vote her out, but now Matthew has two of the six votes against him and it could go either way. Until recently, Rob was excited to unload Matt, but he tells us that now, "[he's] been putting a lot of energy into talking to this guy. Which is absolutely exhausting." Hee. He complains that just as he's convinced Matt to join his side, the rest of the tribe is going to vote him out. We rejoin the discussion as Rob whines that it sucks that all the people he wants to vote out are on the other tribe.
It's nighttime, and the sloth is still slowly climbing its tree. Jaburu arrives at Tribal Council, where Peachy immediately picks up a "weird vibe." He asks if they're sad, but no one answers. Peachy insists that they have a look he's never seen before, and asks Shawna what's going on. Shawna responds that no one wants to be at Tribal Council; they were "jazzed" about the chemistry of their tribe, so having to vote someone off is a "total bummer."
Peachy asks Alex if there's anyone on the tribe he wishes he'd met back home because the Survivor experience makes pursuing a relationship strange. Alex says he'd "be all about" asking out Shawna, and Shawna feigns flattered surprise.
Peachy asks what Deena thinks of the relationship, and she responds that there's a lot of "sexual heat" around the camp. The rest of the tribe titters because she said S-E-X. Deena explains that she calls the tribe the "love shack" because they talk about their lives, there's a lot of positive energy, and it's fun. I volunteer with four-year-olds and we talk about our lives (as much as a four-year-old can), there's a lot of positive energy, and it's fun, but I wouldn't quite call the experience a "love shack," so I'm not sure how that nickname applies to the circumstances Deena has described.
Peachy asks Matthew about the various tribe members' roles around camp. Looking like Tony Robbins, Matthew explains that he "relish[es]" his role as provider for the tribe, and that helping them eat well is a great thing.
Peachy calls Rob "always good for a laugh," and basically asks if that's all he's good for. Rob responds that he likes to keep the group entertained because when they're bored or inactive, their energy level sinks. He tries to organize games or "stupid songs to sing" because it not only helps break the ice, but it keeps their spirits high.
Shawna jumps in to say that she's doing "awesome," after having undergone "one of [her] darkest hours ever as a person." She says that the men brought an "infusion of energy," changing the game's dynamics for her. She says she's now glowing with the "ultimate high" of the game. Peachy flat-out asks if she's in it for the long haul, and she responds with outrage that of course she is, as if just four days ago she wasn't begging to be sent home. She explains that she needed "someone to take [her] head out of [her] butt," and there were lots of volunteers to help with the extraction.
Peachy then turns back to Deena and asks if it's an easier vote for her because she's not part of "this young group." (Deena, incidentally, is only three years older than Alex.) Deena responds that she is indeed part of the young group, and says it's the most difficult vote she's faced so far, providing an intro for Peachy's snarky "Difficult or not, it is time to vote."
Rob votes for Shawna, whom he thinks is one of the nicest people he's ever met because she puts the good of others ahead of her own good. He adds, "Unfortunately, that also makes you a really terrible Survivor player."
Alex votes for Matthew because he can't have sex with him. Also, because down the line Matthew will be a great threat in the game.
The unusually sweaty Jaburu tribe awaits Peachy's tallying. Shawna receives the first vote, followed by a vote for Matthew, followed by a vote for Shawna, followed by a vote for Matthew. How do those votes always come out so even? Peachy explains that the score is now tied, in case the viewing audience can't count to two. The two votes are for Shawna, the sixth person vote out of the Amazon. As Shawna gathers up her stuff, Jenna covers up her face as if she's surprised, even though we later learn that she voted for Shawna. So Shawna heads home toting her incongruous soccer ball and machete, while Peachy voice-overs that it's "certainly a roller coaster of highs and lows," including the evening's decision. He warns the tribe members to "keep [their] heads," because a lot more is coming.
week on Survivor, the tribes learn the secret of the locked box. They also learn HeiDDi's secret: that she's wearing a giant skin suit.
As the credits roll, we see that Deena, Jenna, Matthew, and Rob voted for Shawna, while Alex and Shawna voted for Matt. Shawna tells us that she's been through so much during the game and "never had a bigger crash course in life." She insists that it's the beginning of an "absolutely new me," and let's hope that "new" also constitutes "improved." Shawna wraps up by thanking the others for the "time of [her] life," clearly throwing her hat in the ring for the part of soccer-playing ingénue in Havana Nights: Dirty Dancing II.