More Than Meats the Eye

Last time on Survivor, Miss Alli kicked it as guest recapper. Many, many thanks to her on behalf of myself and all the readers. No thanks to her on behalf of spewed-upon keyboards everywhere.

Also last time on Survivor, Deena was "alpha female top dog" at Jaburu after scripture-wielding Joanna was voted out. Shawna bleated her dismay that no one cared about her flagging health. Deena told us that she didn't care about Shawna's flagging health. As the youngest members of their respective tribes, Dave and Jenna spent an evening together, and Jenna gave up all of Jaburu's secrets while Dave gave up all of Tambaqui's ages and professions. In the morning, Peachy revealed that they would be responsible for the redivision of the S12. Christy, HeiDDi, and Jeanne headed off to Tambaqui, where Jeanne sentenced herself to an early ejection from the game by professing to feeling "awesome" about the new tribe. Meanwhile, Alex, Rob, and Matthew joined Jaburu, where Shawna "dug" Alex, leading Deena to believe that Shawna was not as interested in "the chick thing" as she suddenly was in the "Alex thing." Or maybe in "Alex's thing," more precisely. Jaburu won immunity, and HeiDDi scrunched up her faced in one of the myriad unattractive ways she's prone to before siding with the men and voting Jeanne out of the Amazon. Eleven are left; who will be voted out tonight?

It's Night 15, and Tambaqui go about their night-vision business. Christy expresses shock over Jeanne's ejection because she considered Jeanne one of the tribe's strongest members. Christy's not mad at HeiDDi, but she needs an answer. Roger slow-talks -- in a way that would be offensive if Christy wasn't deaf -- that the answer is "very clear": Jeanne brought assets to Tambaqui that were already embodied by Butch. Meanwhile, Christy and HeiDDi brought different assets -- he cites HeiDDi's "strength" and Christy's enthusiasm and determination. Even if the part about Christy were true, she should discount Roger's argument based entirely on his untrue flattery of HeiDDi. Christy buys it all anyway, though. Dave, however, does not, and tells us in an interview that Roger's explanation was completely different than the reason they initially decided to vote off Jeanne. Rocket scientist Dave, by the way, has a new nickname: Davey Rockett. I don't know how I missed that for the first five weeks. Roger tells the group that they need to move forward as a new tribe because there's no guaranteed merger ahead, and HeiDDi adds that they need to work their asses off. Davey Rockett earnestly tells us that they voted Jeanne off because she was Jaburu's target. HeiDDi explains that she decided to turn on the women's alliance because otherwise Tambaqui would not have felt like a team. Christy tells the group that she'd thought she was the weak one, and chokes up a little as she adds, "So I'm really glad you see something in me!" The men insist that they're glad to have her, and restate that they are indeed a new team. Davey Rockett points out that tomorrow's a new day, and the tribe heads off to bed.

A big bird, a crocodile, and a patch of reeds bring us to morning on Day 16 at Tambaqui. The bleary-eyed tribe wakes as HeiDDi voice-overs that, as a new team, she expected Tambaqui would "be like this team working together as a team." As we go to her interview, we see just how easily Barbie can turn into Harpie after eighteen days without a mirror. Davey Rockett asks what the order of operations will be for the day, and Roger responds that the men will try out the fishing net, while the women will work on a new latrine. HeiDDi complains that she and Christy ended up doing one thing together while the men went off and did something else. I think her issue is as much with working on the latrine or having to work with Christy than about the men's being separatist. HeiDDi won't even look Christy in the eye to talk to her when it's just the two of them; she turns her head away as she questions her decision to vote off Jeanne. HeiDDi thinks the current situation is a "bunch of crap." Christy, meanwhile, is paying close attention despite HeiDDi's rudeness. HeiDDi doesn't know if the men are "just not getting it, or..." She can't even finish that sentence because the alternative is so inconceivable: that the men just don't care what she thinks or wants.

We scan the treetops toward a snake slithering and hissing its way up a tree. Matthew is eager to brush his teeth for the first time in sixteen days. He announces that he wants to eat the toothpaste, and then grosses out the rest of his tribe by tonguing it for several seconds. He tells us in an interview that being at Jaburu is a huge improvement for him, because at Tambaqui he was at risk of being voted out . Rob uses the same toothbrush and asks the tribe, "Does anybody wanna make out with me right now?" Matthew responds that he will as soon as he brushes his teeth -- so either he wants to brush them again in preparation, or this is edited contrary to the actual sequence of events. In an interview, Rob tells us that he brushed his teeth like he was detailing his car. If he had a car, that is. Because really, how many of the twenty-four-year-olds who karaoke in their parents' basements have their own sets of wheels? So anyway, Rob adds, "My mouth feels so good. I want one of the girls to kiss me, but none of them want to do it...which is surprising." the toothbrush gets handed off to Alex, who proclaims it the best thing that's happened to him in sixteen days. Deena tells us in an interview that she was rattled by the tribal switch because as the oldest and with nothing in common with the others, she is now an easy target and will have to readjust. However, she now thinks the guys are "fascinating," and she absolutely adores them. Matthew tells Deena that the male members of the new Tambaqui tribe were very strategic and tactical about what they revealed to each other. He thinks Jaburu is different, leading Deena to the brilliant conclusion that "girls are different than boys." In an interview, Matthew tells us that everyone in the new Jaburu seems genuine, but appearances can be deceiving. Still, he finds it comfortable -- at least on the surface.

The camera pans over to Alex, who is apparently eager to throw away all his chances in the game because Shawna's a talented head-scratcher. As Shawna continues to pick and prod at Alex's scalp, he lies with his head on her stomach and explains that he went on Survivor to compete, but that he also loves the adventure and meeting chicks. Alex continues, "I'm gettin' all mushy, but..." and a peeved Jenna interjects to say she feels like she's at a drive-in movie, all, "Hey guys, can I tag along?" Alex tells us in an interview that there might be romance in the air, but that there's definitely interest and flirtation. He loves to flirt -- especially with someone else who's a flirt, because it feels good. We return to Shawna scratching at Alex's scabby scalp, and he cautions that he'll never stop her, so she should just stop whenever she wants. She keeps scratching away before telling us in an interview that she and Alex enjoy taking care of each other, and that whether it evolves into something or not, they definitely clicked. She looks so much better when her hair is pulled back and not so visibly nappy. Shawna continues explaining that she definitely wants to get to know Alex better because he's an incredible person. She brings it back to herself -- no surprise -- by saying that most remarkably of all, he's seen her at her very worst already, which is "revealing."

Back at Jaburu, Rob and Deena head off together to check treemail, and Deena proposes that they can safely assume the reward has "graduated" from Coke to food. The clue reads, "Looks like your dinners are tasting pretty bland. Keep your focus and your balance, and give your meals a helping hand." Is my mind in the gutter for going some place dirty with that "dinners tasting pretty bland" bit? Rob asks, "Spices?" as if he's proposing an alternate solution to Fermat's Last Theorem, and then further suggests, "Salt and pepper?" In an interview he tells us that they hoped the reward would be a meal, but couldn't really know what it would be or what "added bonus" might be thrown in.

An aerial view reveals a muddy pool of water spanned by a giant log. Peachy encourages Jaburu to have their first look at the new Tambaqui, and eagerly points out that Jeanne is missing. No one looks surprised. Peachy explains that the day's reward challenge requires both strength and coordination, as the S11 will compete against each other to stay on a revolving log. One at a time, they'll face a same-sex member of the opposite tribe, and the first person to "fall off the log and hit the water" loses. So if they fall off the log and somehow make it to dry land, they're in the clear? Also, Peachy makes it sound like the log revolves independently, when really it is influenced by the movements of the competitors. In any case, Peachy announces that they'll be competing in randomly selected pairs until one tribe reaches five points.

And on to what they're playing for: Peachy points out that their meals of manioc and fish have probably been getting a little bland, and he thought he'd help them spice it up. He reveals a basket full of spices and vegetables, as well as a huge platter of colorful fresh fruit, including an entire pineapple, giant strawberries, and plums. The tribes are very excited and clap for the fruit.

Now Shawna and HeiDDi face off again, which is annoying. They should have rotated through the competitors; as much as I like to see HeiDDi her ass kicked, it would have been nice to see her and Jenna face off in the Battle of the Barbizon women. Shawna skillfully makes her way toward the center of the log, turning sideways and using all sorts of fancy footwork -- she might as well throw in a head butt. HeiDDi half-falls, half-jumps off the log while Peachy announces, "HeiDDi takes a dive!" HeiDDi tries to laugh off the fact that she just lost and Jaburu is now in a 4-3 lead.

Butch and Matthew are to compete, and Butch once again looks completely out of control but still manages to outlast Matthew. Meanwhile, Christy gives us a quick brief preview of the white girl dance she'll perform in a few minutes.

The score is now 4-4, and we get a close-up of Jenna's and Christy's legs braced against the log in preparation for Peachy's start. This close-up reveals that Jenna shaves her legs, while Christy does not. Christy thumps her baggy chest at Jenna, whose legs are so scrawny they can barely support her standing weight, never mind running or attempting to balance on a rotating log. Both women are more wobbly than skillful, but Jenna follows HeiDDi's lead and jumps off when the going gets rough. Yippee! Tambaqui is proclaimed the winner, and HeiDDi tries to hug all the men while they try to get around her to help Christy out of the mud pit. Meanwhile, Matthew gives Jenna a quick hand to help her out of the water, and then retracts it as quickly as he can. Hee. Back at Tambaqui, Roger makes a hand gesture which I'm guessing is Christy-taught sign language for "fish" in keeping with the meaning of Tambaqui's name. Christy commences the full-on white-girl dance -- in slow motion, no less -- which isn't the least bit flattering, but is mildly cute in its sheer joy. ["As my sister noted: 'She dances like she's deaf.'" -- Wing Chun]

The disheartened Jaburus return to camp as an adorably cautious sloth makes its way up a tree. Alex tells the group that although the reward would have been nice, all that matters is immunity. He then asks, "Who's up for a bath?" and they all excitedly decide to "go get clean!" In an interview, Jenna tells us that she didn't care that they lost, because they "eat good here anyway." Coming from someone who appears not to eat ever, I guess "eat[ing] good" is relative. She tells us that they decided to "take a bath to celebrate."