Previously on Work Is For Ugly Girls: The Axis of Skeevil resented being asked to work on their day off. Which, incidentally, was every day. They worried that the other women all hated them because they were beautiful. Even Heidi worried about this, because there are no mirrors in the Amazon. Eventually, the Axis connected with Deena to form a shaky alliance of four, but the alliance ran into difficulties when Shawna began to flag. Tambaqui, meanwhile, hit its stride, mastering the routines of camp (no, no, not in the John Waters sense) and battling to victory in a fire-building reward challenge that netted them a refrigerator full of empty calories and caused the show's dentist-in-residence to drop in a dead faint with floss tangled around his ankles. Still all twinkly with the flush of success, Tambaqui snagged immunity at PiranhaMania, leaving Joanna at the tender mercies of the Skeevil alliance, which refused to accommodate Shawna's requests to leave. Goodbye, Joanna. SNUFF!
Who will be voted out...tonight?
You know, whoever is in charge of promos at CBS might want to take care of the fact that just before this episode started, the teaser card that came up promised all-new episodes of, among other things, Survivor Thailand. Even they can't keep track of what the hell season this is anymore. I'm surprised the booming voice-over didn't say, "Watch that chubby naked guy! And that soccer player with the floppy hair!"
We swing down through the scenic Amazonian mist to find that once again, it is a lovely Jaburu morning. A flute tootles to remind us of the drama that has come before, and the whining yet to come, as this is only Day 13. The highlight of this morning sequence is that the cameras have managed to catch a bug actually crawling on someone's teeth while she's sleeping. Despite the fact that it's a close-up, it's damn hard at first to tell exactly whose teeth we're looking at. I think they're Heidi's. If they aren't, I'm pretending they are, because something inside me responds very positively to the notion of Heidi with bugs in her mouth. In fact, I think I've had that dream. Elsewhere, the bug-free Deanna is awake and working ahead of the team this morning, snapping branches with her feet and generally puttering around usefully. She explains in a voice-over that she feels like, following the departure of Joanna, she is now in control of the tribe. "I am alpha female, top dog right at this point in time."
Wait, I need a moment. Because if I never hear the phrase "alpha" anything in relation to reality television again, it will be a great relief to me. I have had to endure not only contestants who declare themselves to be alpha males despite the fact that they could not lead a pack of poodles, but contestants who bitch relentlessly about other contestants who are alpha males. As far as I can tell, in this neighborhood, "alpha" applied to yourself means "overly puffed up and ripe for a karmic whap on the head with a heavy plank made entirely of hubris," and "alpha" applied to other people means "hotter than me." So to all of you, everywhere, whatever show you happen to be exploring at this particular moment? You can stop it with the "alpha" bit.
Anyway, Deena has declared herself "alpha female," and delivers this opinion with a smirk, which is never a good thing. I also think she exaggerates her actual amount of power, considering that she's in an alliance with two people now, or possibly three if you think Christy is really with them, and Heidi and Jenna both value each other more than they do Deena. So what, exactly, is she in control of? Perhaps day-to-day chore management, but little else. Being prom committee chairman doesn't mean you'll have a date, if you get my meaning. Many is the responsible class president who wound up lightheaded from blowing up balloons and not from romance.
Deena goes on to point out that Jeanne is mightily pissed about Joanna's ouster. This point is emphasized by a shot of Jeanne sharpening her machete. I'm really beginning to get the feeling that somebody in the editing room is hot for chicks with blades, because they show more machete-sharpening by the women than would seem to logically correspond to the importance of that activity in the day-to-day life of Jaburu. Jeanne says in an interview that she indeed was appalled by the decision to send Joanna home. She points out that Shawna is "a liability," so it made no sense to Jeanne to boot the strongest person in the tribe. "Smart," she says sarcastically. Hey, just like lots of us said to our TVs at the time! Coincidence?
And now, more of Shawna's lament. We see her lying on her back in the shelter in roiling agony, and then in an interview, she says, "It's truly ironic that the people I set up my alliance with are now trapping me inside the game, totally against my will." I have to say, she looks pretty chipper in the interview for someone so close to death from Lackluster-Assidosis. But back at the shelter, it's time for more boo-hooing. "No one is respecting the fact that I am falling apart," she snorfles, as we see Jeanne make a very amusing gagging face. It's impossible to know whether this is the actual context for the gagging face, considering that Jeanne has been pretty sympathetic to Shawna until this point, but it's funny anyway. "Shawna's problem is 70% mental," Deena decrees, apparently relying on years of experience in medicine to arrive at such an exacting figure. (She rounded up from her scientifically-determined 69.3% calculation, I think.) "We're not going to sacrifice ourselves for her sake, so she might as well buck up and play with the rest of us." Weirdly, even though I don't like Shawna's whining, I don't like Deena's attitude, either. There's something about the way she lays down the law about how things are going to be that rubs me the wrong way, even when she's basically right. She's like that lady who works in your office who can actually make you want to leave early and steal the stapler, just to piss her off.
An iguana suddenly looks self-consciously at the camera, like, "What? You've never seen somebody's tail spontaneously detach before?"
Over at Tambaqui, it's another tree-chopping morning, and Alex is out there with his machete getting some work done. Bang! Bang! Bang! He leans in to inspect his work. He waves the red cape in front of the Charging Bull of Karma by talking in an interview about how well things are going for Tambaqui, and how they pretty much "tromp around like it's [their] back yard." Nothing can go wrong now! Butch chops at some stuff on the ground, and Alex continues to slam away at the big tree he's been working on. He tells Butch he's "almost through" it, which is clearly not the case. You can see how a mishap befalls Alex here -- he's in a hurry, and he's impatient about cutting through the tree, which is really pretty sizeable. So when he's not really through it yet, he stands over it, still holding his machete, and tries to just put all his weight on it and get it to break. It doesn't want to break, so he exerts more and more pressure on it, and eventually he slips and his machete hand snaps up and whaps him in the forehead. He clutches his forehead in pain, and then starts back toward camp. Butch takes a look at the wound, and they go back to the shelter, passing by Rob on the way. Rob brings over a cold Coke from the fridge, which Alex holds against the cut to try to keep it from swelling up. This is just like that scene in that movie with Jennifer Aniston where Kevin Bacon gave her a black eye, only in that movie, I think it was frozen peas. I guess there are no frozen peas in the Amazon, although you never know what the reward challenge might bring. Dave and Matthew are now standing around supervising, too, and Matthew mentions that he thinks it's important to get iodine on the cut. He voices over that he's surprised they haven't had more injuries than they have to this point, what with all the enthusiastic machete-wielding that's been going on with all these guys who are normally teachers and financial analysts and such, and probably didn't study weaponry at Vassar or the Sorbonne or what-have-you. Amen to that. Roger stands over Alex and bandages the cut, and Matthew comments that the bandage is not only functional, but "looks cool." Heh. "Chicks dig scars," Alex Keanus with a smile as he recuperates in the shelter. Um...that's a little bit true, actually. At least for me. I'm sorry.
A big tarantula takes a leisurely stroll on the Jaburu flag as the women sit in a bunch and talk. Jeanne says she needs to talk to everyone about a conversation she overheard last night, in which Deena made the remark, "Your problem is that you weren't part of the team." Now, if Jeanne thought they didn't know she was listening, why would she think they were talking about her when they used the word "you"? Why would she assume this was in reference to her? Deena immediately says (very credibly, I think, even though I still think she's obnoxious) that she was referring to Christy's attitude in the first few days of the game. It makes perfect sense to me that this would happen this way -- that as Christy is being integrated into the Skeevil alliance to replace Shawna the Waning Weenie, Deena would mend fences with her about the bickering that took place a couple of weeks ago. And it makes perfect sense to me that Deena would do it in that patronizing way -- say to Christy that she just wasn't being part of the team, but hey, now she is! So no harm, no foul. In other words, Deena is a big phony in many ways, but I think she's probably telling the truth here. Also, Christy nods in a way that looks pretty genuine.
Trying to mend fences, Jenna says she can't believe Jeanne would think that they think she's not part of the team, considering that she does all the work. Heh. As Deena tries to set Jeanne's mind at ease, there is a truly classic B-4 shot of Heidi (as in, "This is our heroine before, and this is her after using our product"), and she's sticking out her tongue in a most unattractive manner. Wow, feel the cuteness! I haven't seen anything that naturally attractive since I cleaned out the bathtub drain. Someone should totally frame that moment and hang it over her bed forever, so that she will never forget it. That shot could change her life. ["The funniest thing about that moment is that we were watching with Sars, who's been reading the recaps but not watching the show, and she was all, 'Ugh! What was that?' and then I got to explain that it was Heidi, the totally cute girl, and that if Sars couldn't see how totally cute she was, Sars must need glasses. Or is jealous." -- Wing Chun] Jeanne tells the group that she feels like she's always excluded from what's going on, because the rest of them all hang out by the fire, and she's always off in the jungle. You know, working. So now she's going to stay by the fire, and they can leave if they want to. The implication is pretty clear -- if they intend to have little plotting seminars, they'll at least have to take a few steps to conduct them, because she's not facilitating by vacating the premises anymore. "Have at it!" Deena says patronizingly, trying hard for "alpha female" and landing on "arrogant." "Jeanne is sweating in her panties," Deena says in an interview. "She's thinking, 'God help me, what am I going to do?'" Oh, shut up, Deena, Queen of the Jungle. Sigh, just chalk up another idiot whose downfall I now have to relish. And I am almost out of downfall relish, I would point out.
"Maa-daaaaaaay!" sings a voice on the soundtrack for no particular reason as we sweep in through a flooded stand of trees. Rob and Alex snag some treemail over at Tambaqui, and today's note comes attached to a bottle of wine. It tells them that their youngest player should take the map and follow it for some "wine and laughter." The guys quickly ascertain that their youngest player is Dave. Rob interviews that he wanted to be the one to get the wine and laughter, so he's not too happy about the way this played out. "I'm very annoyed that the golden boy, Dave, falls face-first into good luck," Rob says. In the water, a crocodile's eye appears. "Shut up, Rob," it blinks in Morse code.
Back at Jaburu, they figure out that their youngest is Jenna. She says in an interview that immediately she thought, "I'm the youngest, so I'm going to have to do something by myself." Jeanne questions whether "youngest" necessarily means chronological age. A stretch, but I've certainly seen treemail say stupider things. In fact, "treemail" is stupider. "What do you think, we age differently, like cheese?" Deena says, so proud of her wit. Excuse me a minute. Deena? Cheese all ages at the same rate also, as a matter of fact. As the great philosopher once said: The youngest cheese is always the youngest cheese. Just remember that. (Okay, so a great philosopher didn't say that, but you can't deny the accuracy.) Jeanne says that the clue might mean "youngest at heart," which is our cue to see Jenna snot in an interview, "Give it a break, I'm going somewhere and you're not." Here's the thing -- if Jenna whined to the other women about going when it first arose the way she did in her interview ("I'm going to have to do something by myself"), that might explain part of why Jeanne did that. Of course, in that case, it would be a very crappy -- though very Jenna -- thing to do to bitch about it later. But in any event, didn't we all outgrow the "I'm [blank] and you're not" construction around third grade? Shut up, Jenna.
Jenna takes off from camp in her dorky cowboy hat. Oh, har har, she's so rough-and-tumble. We see her and Dave paddling, paddling, paddling, and finally reaching a little "bungalow" (as Dave calls it) where Peachy is waiting for them. When they've de-boated, Peachy gives them a lot of yabba-dabba about how the tribes haven't really mingled for the past thirteen days, so it seemed like it was time for them to get to know each other, and it made sense to make the youngest players the ambassadors. And if they believe that's all there is to this little summit, they are very, very stupid, though Peachy doesn't say that part out loud. He tells them that they can view it as a break from their tribes, or they can view it as a strategic opportunity. In any event, the one thing that can't be contested is that it's going to be a lovely evening of creature comforts. Peachy goes on to tell them that they will have food, wine, a shower, and a bed, because they'll be staying overnight. I just want to say that Peachy didn't mention coffee, and if there was no coffee in the morning? The entire thing would be ruined for me.
Fast and allegedly sexy music of the "¡Olé!" variety plays as Dave and Jenna check out the surroundings. There's a bunch of fruit and bread and cheese laid out on the table, and the promised wine is indeed present. Dave interviews that the first thing they did was get out of their stinky clothes and into the bathrobes, which seems completely gross to me, because then the robes will be skanky when they get out of the shower. They could at least rinse off first. Anyway, they then started eating and chatting. "It was heaven," Dave declares.
Dave starts in with questions about life at Jaburu. Jenna chatters happily about how the girls don't talk as much as she'd like, so it's so boring, and so forth. She interviews that she and Dave were both so happy to talk to someone of the opposite sex that they were, "like, ready!" It appears that she is, like, ready to give away every piece of useful information that Dave doesn't even know enough to ask her for. Back at the bungalow, Jenna talks about her closeness with Heidi, which Dave says doesn't surprise him. She tells him all about how Shawna is in bad shape and doesn't want to be there anymore. In an interview, Dave points out that Jenna pretty much spilled the entire history of Jaburu's two weeks in the Amazon, which might not have been the smartest thing she could have done. We see Jenna now explain the whole development of the Skeevil alliance to Dave, and how they added Deena because of her closeness to Shawna, and so forth. She yaps that Jeanne is unhappy about the departure of Joanna, and then she remarks that maybe she shouldn't be telling him all this, but -- as she puts it -- "Oh, well." Wow, good comeback. Up there with "I know you are, but what am I?" in the great history of rhetoric. In the part of this scene that just sold me on Dave forever, he then starts spilling all the details of his tribe, too -- like their ages and their occupations. So, so funny.
As dusk comes, Dave has moved into the Flattery/Competitiveness portion of the evening, and tells Jenna that Rob talks about Heidi's breasts quite a lot. "We talk about your ass," he says frankly. "Mine?" Jenna says with mock-surprise. You'll note that given all the times she has discussed the cuteness of her own form, the surprise is indeed mock in its entirety. Dave tells Jenna that she has "a sexy ass," and shouldn't be so surprised. In possibly the most witty edit I've ever seen on this show, just as Dave tells Jenna how sexy her ass is, they throw in a shot of her scratching it. Ha! Sex-ay, the butt-scratching! Hee hee, hoo hoo. Very funny.
And now, it's shower time. As Dave showers, Jenna watches him. He explains that you could see a little bit through the walls of the shower -- boy, I bet the producers feel silly about that screwup, huh? Didn't mean for that to happen, no, sirree! Those shower-makers are so fired! And then Jenna takes her shower, remarking with mock-regret that Dave will be able to see her boobs. Again, I would emphasize that the regret? Totally mock. Mock-errific. Mockety-mock. Anyway, as Dave brushes his teeth, he interviews that he considered this just about the best thing that's ever happened in his life, what with Jenna naked in the shower. I certainly hope Dave is exaggerating, because I would think a good ham sandwich would beat an evening with Jenna, and I'd hate to think Dave has never had a good ham sandwich. Jenna interviews that they went to sleep in the bed, which was awesome: "It just couldn't have been a better reward challenge, because we didn't have to do anything." You know, Jenna sort of writes her own jokes at times. I love the fact that she characterizes this as a "reward challenge." Which she apparently won. Way to go, Jenna! You've got mad being born skillz! Anyway, she and Dave giggle as they fall asleep.
Night falls at the Bungalow of Betrayal.
And then morning comes to the Bungalow of Betrayal. Dave and Jenna exchange greetings laced with morning breath and talk about how great it was to sleep in the comfy bed. He interviews that she was perfectly nice to sleep to -- no kicking or snoring. You can tell that some unnamed off-screen pipsqueak asked him how it was to sleep to Jenna, undoubtedly hoping for something a little more chicka-wocka than "Well, I wasn't injured." Dave and Jenna go outside and fetch more food, which they munch on while they loll about on the bed. Jenna tells us that there was fruit! And bananas! Both! She is so smart. Peachy approaches while they're chowing down, and comments on the lovely scene of the two of them having what Moonlighting once called "breakfast on bed." Jenna tells him what a great time they had. "We didn't hold back anything," she says. "We pretty much know everything about each other's tribes now." Yeah, because she told all about the alliances and personal grievances of her tribe, and Dave told her how old everyone is. And you know brutal honesty is such a turn-on. I'm surprised they don't just throw Peachy out and go at it. They've got the bed, after all. And they've both bared their souls!
Peachy brings them down to sit at the table, which seems to be the first time it occurs to Jenna that something of significance might actually be about to happen, despite the fact that a rearrangement of tribes should have occurred to her if she's ever seen the show. Of course, she might not have retained the information if it would have crowded out some portion of her ego, which takes up pretty much all the space inside her eensy-weensy brain. Peachy dumps out onto the table a bunch of little slats; each slat has the name of a contestant written on it. Dave and Jenna are drafting new tribes. First he'll pick a girl and she'll pick a guy, and then they'll alternate. It's exactly the way cult leaders do the draft when they have to repopulate their communes.
Dave is first up, picking a woman. Of course, given that Jenna told him all about the close bond she has with Heidi, it's pretty clear that breaking that up is advantageous to him, so he grabs Heidi, much to Jenna's great sadness. What will she do without the other cute girl to take care of her? Awww. Jenna interviews that Heidi was her "rock." Or, I suppose, "rocks." Jenna picks Alex for his "athletic ability." And I think that actually is why she took him, because she has nothing to go on, really, given that Dave was smart enough not to give up his guts like they were playing Operation and he was the patient. Dave's first pick of a guy is Butch, which I think is really, really interesting. Jenna takes Deena, saying it's just not even close, in terms of who she wants . Dave chooses Christy, and then Jenna takes Rob. Dave takes Roger, and Jenna takes Shawna. So Dave winds up with Jeanne, and Jenna with Matthew.
See, I think Dave did that brilliantly, despite the fact that Jenna's team may be physically stronger. And I say "may," because although Matthew and Alex are probably stronger than Roger and Butch, Roger and Butch are no pushovers, and Jeanne and Christy are certainly strong enough to hold up against Shawna and Deena. Throw in Dave's own advantage over Jenna, and I'm not sure these teams look as physically lopsided to me as they originally did. Oh, and Heidi and Rob are a draw, as far as I'm concerned. Meanwhile, from an emotional and strategic perspective, Jenna has wound up with Deena (who has reluctantly allied with her but doesn't like her), Shawna (who doesn't like her anymore), Alex (who is charismatic and won't like her laziness), Matthew (who won't like her bullshit), and Rob (who will be worthless in the hypnotizing presence of actual boobies). Dave, on the other hand, has wound up with Roger (who will always be loyal to a guy over a girl and is therefore excellent protection for the other guys in a mixed tribe), Butch (who I get the impression has a good relationship with almost everyone and is a straight shooter, which helps his team), Christy and Jeanne (who Dave undoubtedly knows from Jenna have resentments against elements of their old tribe but little connection to each other, which is good for him), and Heidi (who is dumb and easily led and has no connection to Christy and Jeanne). Basically, Dave has put together a tribe that, at least on the surface, seems very unlikely to go in a direction that threatens him anytime soon. He got rid of the people who don't like him so much (Rob, in particular), and who else in that group is likely to lead a charge on him? I mean, I'm not sure he thought it out this far ahead, and you can never really know how things will play out, but I think Dave did really, really well.
Jenna and Dave get new buffs for their new tribe members, and maps for those people to follow to their new camps, and then they're off, paddling back to share the news with their folks: "I threw you to the other camp -- but you'll get a new bandanna to replace the one that's crusty with your accumulated filth!" I'm not sure that's even going to be much consolation.
We hit Tambaqui first. An entire row of what look to be the piranhas from the immunity challenge last week is roasting over the fire in their near-idyllic, impeccably-run Amazon camp. The guys wonder where Dave is, with Rob speculating that he's at some "Amazon bed and breakfast." Hee. A skinny-looking Dave comes walking into camp. He breaks the news quickly that the chips fell where they may (literally), and that the tribes have been mixed. He tells Alex, Matthew, and Rob that they're going off to Jaburu. Rob interviews that Dave told the guys that he took advantage of Jenna and ultimately looked out for all six guys, trying to position all of them as well as possible to go into the merge. Dave says they'll see each other tomorrow at the immunity challenge. "We'll whoop your ass," says a prickly Rob. Rob interviews that he was very unhappy to have his situation dictated by Dave. "I don't think he has my best interests at heart," Rob says. And once again, I have to point out that it's very unlikely, in a competition for a million dollars, that anyone will have your best interests at heart rather than their own. After all? Competition. Million bucks. Why would anyone protect you? Rob takes the position that Dave helped himself, Roger, and Butch. Now that's what I don't get. The guys are being split in half. Why is it inherently advantageous to remain with Dave rather than to be sent off with Matthew and Alex? See what I mean? How did Dave necessarily do Butch and Roger a favor? Himself, sure. But I don't know if Rob would have been better off staying. This is one of those things where I almost think Dave has sort of hypnotized Rob into just naturally thinking of him as a leader, so that being on Dave's team seems to be an inherent advantage, and being kicked off Dave's team seems to be an inherent disadvantage. Dave has Rob hyp-mo-tized.
The guys exchange purely platonic guy-like backslap hugs. I guess the ones who leave will have to find a new inspiration if they want to BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES!
Jenna paddles back to Jaburu. She puts her stuff down and tells the chicks the news that Heidi, Jeanne, and Christy are going to Tambaqui. A stricken Heidi stares, dumbfounded, and voices over that she and Jenna are so close that it was a real blow to be removed from the camp. Heh, sucks to be you, Heidi. As other people who apparently aren't that important talk to each other, Jenna and Heidi have a private moment in which Jenna explains how she never had a chance to keep Heidi, or she would have. Because she's all about the love. She doesn't explain, I don't think, how she gave away the store to Dave and therefore ensured that she and Heidi would be broken up. Unlike Heidi, Jeanne is not so sad. She explains that she was pretty tickled to be leaving Jaburu, although I'm not sure how happy you can be about anything when you have to take Heidi with you. It's like getting out of Cleveland and finding out you have to take the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with you. Anyway, Jeanne, Christy, and Heidi pack up and wander out of camp.
At Tambaqui, here come the women. The guys welcome them quite warmly, really. Everyone exchanges hugs. "I felt awesome," Jeanne observes simply. Then, as they all stand in a circle, Christy informs the guys -- who are unaware -- that she's deaf. She says that they need to look at her when they talk to her, and she says she's not that helpful at night. She broaches the subject of staying up all night to watch the fire, and the guys tell her they don't do that. Presumably because they've mastered starting fires, so they're pretty confident that they can put it back together in the morning if necessary. At the news that all-night fire-watching is a thing of the past, Christy laughs a big, comfortable laugh that's one of the first we've seen from her. Roger says that he was very surprised to find out that Christy was deaf, and impressed by the fact that he never would have been able to tell from her performances in challenges. Dave gives out the new buffs, and they raise a toast to the new tribe. I instantly prefer this tribe to the other one by leaps and bounds. Which, of course, means that this tribe is doomed. That's not a spoiler; it's a well-known fact of life. I never get my way in these things.
Over at Jaburu, Rob's voice rings out: "Honey, we're home!" Shawna moans, just randomly, because she's so tired, apparently. But here's Alex, walking into camp, and here's a suddenly-spry Shawna leaping up to greet him. Deena rolls her eyes, and explains in an interview that as soon as the boys showed up, Shawna's mysterious malaise seemed to vanish in a poof of hormonal bliss. ["See, this is what I meant last week. She's not faking feeling like shit, but she's playing it up for her teammates' benefit to try to get their pity. And with something arriving at camp to take her mind off herself, suddenly she miraculously feels better!" -- Wing Chun] There is some talking, and the girls complain that they haven't had enough "laughter." The guys say that they're all about the laughter, which means that Rob is going to be even more intolerably labored about all the wocka-wocka attempts to be funny than he has been in the past, and I honestly don't think I can take it. In an interview, Rob says that he would promise not to vote for Shawna and Jenna if they would walk around naked. Seriously, are there any women anywhere who would think that was cute and appealing who are over the age of fifteen? What a dipshit.
Night falls, and things at Tambaqui are hopping. Christy talks around the fire about how good she feels about the tribe, and how well she thinks they're going to do. She then talks in an interview about how the guys were immediately really good about helping her out to make sure she didn't get cut out of conversations -- making sure she was looking before they talked, positioning the lanterns so they were sure she could see everybody, and so forth. Butch interviews that it just seemed logical to him that you'd do things like that, like turning up the lantern to make sure she could "be included" in the discussion. Christy probably makes a strategic error by talking around the fire about how much she appreciates their being accommodating and comparing their reaction favorably to the one at the old Jaburu camp. Considering that Jeanne and Heidi are both there, I'm not sure dissing the women as a group is a great idea, although I'm fairly sure Jeanne knows Christy doesn't mean her. Heidi, after all, undoubtedly knows that Christy does mean her, as well as her Skeevil friends. So...probably not a good move on Christy's part, but I think she has a pretty persistent tendency to speak her mind, which is overall probably a good thing in life, if not in television. She interviews that being in a generally supportive group is something she can "really appreciate." Aw. Well, that's good.
The morning at Jaburu, Alex decides to throw a little pop quiz by asking the women who they think got the most votes when the guys were asked which girl was the hottest. Shawna guesses Jenna, and Deena guesses Shawna. And, of course Deena is correct. Conveniently for Alex, I'm not sure Jenna is anywhere nearby at the particular moment of this conversation, which might explain why he said it. Otherwise? Not so smart, necessarily. "Alex is so fun! I dig him so much!" Shawna says in an interview. Well, sure, now she does. Shawna says that he's totally her type. That "type" being the type that thinks she's hot.
Deena now interviews that she's seen her status drop in a hurry. "Shawna may not be interested in the chick thing anymore," she says contemptuously, aiming for a tone of betrayed regret. "Shawna may be interested in the Alex thing." Well, I can sympathize, because I was once a little bit interested in the Alex thing myself, although I have to say, not so much anymore. Deena isn't sure how loyal Shawna is going to be, even though, as she says, "Clearly, it should be the three women against the three men." And why would that be, again? Why is that clear? Particularly when Deena herself has already expressed absolute willingness to screw Shawna for her own protection? And when Deena isn't exactly busting her ass to, like, provide food or anything of that nature? Whatever, Alpha-Bait-a-Hook-a.
Alex and Shawna singles-bar-talk about where they're from and where they went to school and so forth. This conversation certainly is the same no matter where it's conducted.
Beautiful Amazon shots, and then it's time for treemail. Jeanne brings back the note of the day, and it's a word search with some words circled that indicate something about animals, paddling, and brawn. Roger interviews that their chances of winning are good, and that he thinks Dave did a good job picking women. He does not, surprisingly, say that the women have good teeth or strong backs, which I think is sort of what he's thinking.
The new tribes gather on the beach. Peachy explains the challenge. Basically, the two teams will each have to complete a word search, and the word search will reveal the names of five animals that you find in the Amazon. Then the team will pile into a boat and paddle out to grab five flags with those animals on them. Whoever gets back to the beach with the five flags first will win immunity. For obvious reasons, I find myself rooting hard for Tambaqui in this challenge, because Jaburu is heavily weighted down with people I hate, whereas on Tambaqui, in terms of hating, it's really just Heidi at this point.
The word search isn't especially exciting. The teams are pretty close in performance, but when Tambaqui has four words and is looking for the fifth, they circle what they think is "Mosquito," but it isn't. Peachy tells them that one is wrong, and they have to keep looking. While they look, Jaburu finishes the word search. By the time Tambaqui finds the last word, Jaburu is out to a sizeable lead. The teams paddle their boats around, grabbing flags, and Tambaqui does close the gap as they approach the finish line, which sort of takes away from any theory that they don't have the physical strength to compete. In the end, though, the lead is too big, and Jaburu finishes first and walks away with immunity. Surprisingly, I apparently care what happens, because I swear when this happens. Also, I have to say, I just loved Dave's intensity in this challenge, because he was the guy in the back of his boat, yelling "Let's go, let's go, let's go" to his team, just like he always has. I dig Dave, no doubt. If I'm ever stuck in the Amazon, I want to take Dave with me as my luxury item.
Peachy tells Tambaqui that they're going to have to hit tribal council that night, and somebody will have to go. Aww!
Back in the Amazonian mist, a sad Tambaqui trudges back into camp. Jeanne interviews that they weren't counting on having to go boot somebody, so they have "no idea how to vote." I'm not sure that applies to everyone, but it seems to apply to Jeanne. The women go off on a boat trip together, and Jeanne interviews that they knew that they needed to vote together for one of the guys, in case the guys all voted for one of them, because then they could at least force a "tie-off." Yeah, she said "tie-off." Hee. In the boat, they quickly agree that they don't want to boot Dave. If they phrased this in terms of Dave's obvious strength, it would make perfect sense, but Heidi unloads some ridiculous crap about how they should keep Dave because Dave "saw something in [them]" and selected them for his tribe. The fact that it doesn't occur to her that he might have picked her because he thought he could easily beat her is...well, hey, it's exactly why he picked her! Oh, look, irony is shiny. The Tambaqui chicks draw straws between Butch and Roger, and wind up deciding to vote for Butch. Aww.
Dave and Heidi, however, go off to find some firewood, and Dave makes his big move. Ew, not that kind of big move. Fortunately, because boy, would it be over between me and Dave practically before it began. Dave tells Heidi in the Reassurance Phase of his grand manipulation that he picked Heidi because he wants to take her into the merge. Then he tells her that he's talked to Butch and Roger, and she's going to go into the merge with the guys -- Christy and Jeanne will go . Note that Dave does not quite say that Butch and Roger agreed to this -- he merely says he talked to them, and then he says this is the case. "If you were in my position, what do you think you would do?" she asks Dave. "I'd come with us," Dave says plainly. "You would?" Heidi says. Heidi, seriously. Did the pilot light go out again? I mean, throw some coal on the fire and poke your brain, girlfriend. What's the point of asking a guy who's trying to get you to do something to give you an honest opinion about whether he, in your place, would do what he's asking you to do? What's he going to say? "Well, if I were you, I'd go back to the women and try to come up with a way to eliminate me, because I'm clearly a bigger threat than Jeanne is, so yeah, you should probably ignore what I'm asking you to do here." That is not likely. Dave interviews that Heidi "needs to know" (and whether that's "needs to know" or "needs to think" is hard to say) that they intend to boot Jeanne and then Christy. He also mentions that Jeanne was up on the chopping block at Jaburu anyway. Heidi laments her difficult position, saying, "I am really in just a rock and a hard stone." Way to miss the point of the entire cliché, there, dear. The point is that on one hand, there's a rock, and on the other hand, there's something that's also hard, not that there's another rock, or the saying would be "I'm between two rocks," which even Heidi must know doesn't really have the same kick to it. Ah, well. Either way, Heidi is out of the frying pan and into the skillet, because she still has to come up with a voting strategy and she has no idea what to do. And she totally can't stand having all this attention focused on her! Yeah, right. Self-described cute girls are always looking to avoid the spotlight.
Tambaqui paddles to tribal council. It's dark. They take their places, and Peachy appears, as he tends to do at these moments. He asks them first to talk about their reactions to the tribe-switching. Jeanne says she was excited, and the guys are great, and they were welcoming, so all is great. He asks Heidi how she feels about the women she left behind. She says she "adore[s] Jenna." She says that she loves all the women, but she's glad to be here. I have to say, that's pretty frantic ass-covering from someone who I'm betting doesn't cover her ass very often. Peachy asks Christy how her "assimilation" into Tambaqui has been going. She raves some more about how great the guys have been, and how much more comfortable she is in the new Tambaqui than she was in the old Jaburu. "Somebody's going tonight -- what's that going to be based on, Christy?" Peachy asks. "Alliances," she says simply. Peachy asks her whether it's old alliances or new alliances. She says that it's hard, because she hasn't known the guys very long, so she's pretty much stuck with old alliances. In other words, "Jeff, the chicks and I are sticking together, because we don't know which of these guys we can trust, if any." Peachy then turns to Roger and asks him how his vote is going to be determined. Roger says that he's going by who the weakest link in the tribe is. Yeah, right. Jeanne is much weaker than Heidi, whose body is up to 53% synthetic products at this point. Peachy turns to Jeanne -- how will she be voting? "Weakest link...and alliance," she says. Heh. I guess "drawing straws" seemed like a bad thing to say. He asks Heidi how she's voting. This is her exact response, delivered with a bland smile. "I'd say...I mean...yeah. ["Yeah" what?] There's so many things running through my head right now. [Peachy: "Give me one."] You know, I mean it is girls against guys, and then at the same time, we're a team. That's just killing me right now. I'm just like, you know, head spinning. And it's killing me." Wow, articulate!
Time to vote. We see Butch vote for Jeanne, Christy vote for Butch, Dave vote for Jeanne, Jeanne vote for Butch, and Roger vote for Jeanne. Heidi hesitates at the voting table, as if she's having some big-ass moral crisis. I am so sure. Peachy goes to "tally the votes." I love that so much. I envision a slide rule. And, quite possibly, a graphing calculator. When Peachy returns, he reads the votes. One for Jeanne, one for Butch, one for Jeanne, one for Butch, one for Jeanne...and another one for Jeanne. Well, actually, it's for "Gene." That one is Heidi's, because we saw all three of the guys at least know enough to start her name with a J. (They didn't spell it right, but they didn't spell it like Gene Autry.) Heidi certainly is a sharp cookie, isn't she? Christy looks at the fire unhappily, reading the writing on the wall as Jeanne steps over to be eliminated. SNUFF! She leaves without a word to anyone.
Peachy tells the tribe that the question is whether the vote was based on old gender lines, or on the weak link. Is that really a question? I mean, literally every person there knows how every other person voted. What would be the point of wondering whether it was alliances or weak-link-cutting?
week (make a note: Wednesday, not Thursday): something Christy does impresses everyone. Alex and Shawna canoodle. Bleh.