We open the episode with shots of islands, walking feet, a tower, more islands, waves, and more islands. As we see the perfectly encapsulating footage of the S16 ducking under a Thai stranger's back-yard clothesline, Peachy voice-overs that thirty-six days ago, sixteen Americans began "the adventure of a lifetime" in Thailand by journeying to a former prison camp and haven for pirates. Thus begins the longest and most random "previously" ever. We see footage of Peachy announcing that they will choose their own tribes, followed by reaction shots of Tanya fixing her bathing suit while Shii Devil clutches her hat in exaggerated surprise. Jan practices her golf swing, while Grindia is happy to get picked. Ted tells us that "if [we] will," Chuay Gahn ended up a tribe of older people. Peachy voice-overs that they seemed like the underdogs, but that Sook Jai had difficulties bonding as a tribe. We see Shii Devil refuse to show Robb her hands and Jed taking Brian out beyond the allowed "attack zone" in the best challenge ever. So Chuay Gahn proved to be strong competitors, and Clay proved to have obscenely erect nipples. Then Ted started grinding on Grindia, and he wasn't even attracted to her! Robb got sucked underwater after getting stung by a sea creature, and acted like a whiny little baby, balled up fists and all. Then, Helen made a case for gun control. Later, tribes and individuals went on trips; Shii Devil was excited to partake in the land's culture, and Clay had no words to describe its beauty. Robb wasn't "fuckin' stupid," and Ken called him a good man before voting his epiphanied ass out. Peachy explains that no matter what went down at camp, Tribal Council loomed. Three members from each tribe were voted out in the first eighteen days.
Then, Peachy details the merge-that-wasn't. Because he certainly didn't say anything to give them that impression, did he? Shii Devil's head did a 180, and then she said "tribe unified" lots of times and called Penny "manipoolative." Penny responded that she'd had plenty of opportunities to vote out Shii Devil, but hadn't acted on that opportunity. Until now. So Sook Jai lost a member and ended up with the numerical disadvantage. Also, Chuay Gahn pissed in their cave; Jake needed to leave when Helen talked about "that recipe stuff; Magilla snarfed down their bananas; and Sook Jai voted off Erin. Then followed a true merge, which resulted in the gong-studded snuffing of the remaining Sook Jais. Then came the time to vote out one of Chuay Gahn's own, and Clay lay in boredom in the foreground of the camera shot while Ted drew a devil in the sand and called him a "comical character." Ted won a car and did a semi-somersault in the sand, before bringing Helen along for dinner and a massage, during which he said, "Yeah, dawg!" and forgot where he was in his drunken machinations. Back at camp, the rest of the tribe members were nervous about Ted and Helen's friendship, but not, apparently, about the fact that Ted and Helen were suddenly capable of walking on water. Helen told Brian that she "'yeah yeah yeah'ed [Ted] to death," and then Brian strutted his way to an immunity-challenge win. Ted "felt the sting of betrayal," in his unanimous voting out. Now, only four remain. Two will face the jury; one will become "the sole Survivor."
Finally we're to the current episode, and Chuay Jai returns from Tribal Council on Night 36. They're not really Chuay Jai at this point, having reverted two weeks back to Chuay Gahn, but I'll indulge Mark Burnett. Clay is amazed that Ted "didn't have too much to say on the way out, did he?" and then points out that only four torches remain. In an interview, Jan tells us that the last immunity challenge was harder than usual because it was the start of the demise of the last of the Chuay Gahns; she says it was the "beginning of the realization" that they'll all eventually go except one. As ominous night-vision shots follow, Brian lights the fire and Jan announces, "Let there be light!" Clay tells us in a leaf-obscured interview that although the others all knew the pecking order, it was a total shock to Ted. They constantly told him Jan was going: "There ain't no tellin' what went through his mind when he saw his name pop up three times." Helen is sure that Ted was furious over the vote, but Clay and Brian are defensive about the move and insist that there's no hard feelings and they did what they had to do in keeping with the game. Helen yawns. Jan picks her teeth. Brian assumes a strange pose in front of the fire. In an interview, Helen says it's cutthroat at this point in the game, and that she expects the few days to be extremely stressful. Brian is amazed at how much the term "Final Four" sounds like a "basketball tournament," and Jan thinks it's funny that she had the same thought.
We see a sunlit, funky-looking rock formation on Day 37, and a bird bobs its head and flies away. The tribe rounds a corner and Helen "Oh my gosh"es that Santa Claus came. The camera pans over to reveal bucketfuls of flowers and some labeled name placards. Helen reads the very, very long clue, which will not be transcribed here, because the recap for a two-hour episode will already be long enough. The clue reveals that Thais decorate lotus-shaped boats in celebrations to commemorate people with whom they have shared gifts. The clue reminds them that there are twelve "fallen Survivors," all of whom "deserve to be memorialized," and that the S4 should give each krathong the "care and respect [the booted contestants] deserve." And while that clue suggests that every float should get the same degree of consideration, it could be more fittingly interpreted to suggest that some deserve more than others, in which case Robb's would likely end up with a single leaf and a monkey turd. The clue ends by revealing that the S4 will later receive instructions regarding how to offer the gifts to the sea.
As they head back to camp with the decorations, Clay explains in an interview that they're supposed to "fix up a float" for each person who was kicked off. He says, "There's some kind of tradition in Thailand about settin' somethin' out to, to sea -- you know, a message out of love and hope and good luck and the future -- I think it's, it's what it's all about." Back at camp, the tribe examines the goods and Clay enthuses, "We got a job to do, people!" Helen finds a sample krathong, and Clay is happy that he has tweezers while Jan says, "I need toenail clippers...fast!" Brian, meanwhile, has located toothpicks, which he and Helen are particularly excited about. Toothpicking ensues. We also see that they received some pretty, pearl-headed pins; it is apparently extremely important to the editors that we see this. The S4 decide to set themselves up as an "assembly line," and seem particularly impressed by Clay's efforts. He voice-overs that he tried to fit the personalities of each of the competitors into each little float. Jan drawls that since Erin intended to get a lotus tattoo on her foot, she should get the sole lotus flower. In an interview, Jan tells us that the game forces sixteen people -- who may or may not "genuinely dislike" each other -- to get along. She says, "Even if you had someone's wreath that you weren't particularly crazy about, you still made it good." Brian jokes that Clay is spending a lot of time on Grindia's float, and Clay responds, "I'm gonna stick your ass with a pin," instead of the more fitting "I'm gonna stick your ass in the eye with a pin." In any case, he seems to be taking the task very seriously, and adds that he's attending to her float because no one else will. We then see a shot of Grindia's pretty little krathong. Sounds kind of like a dirty word when you say it like that.
As we see Brian carelessly plunk flowers into a wreath, he tells us that all he can think is, "You've come a long way, baby." He then looks into the camera and pats himself on the back. Literally. He says that he's had to make some difficult decisions, but that he'd much rather be in his current position than looking at a wreath with his name on it. Insisting that it's a "business trip, strictly," he adds, "My attire is just beard and uh, uh, bathing suit out here, but I'm in business mode." Well, a beard and bathing suit is probably a step in the right direction from whatever "attire" porno professionals usually wear.
The tribe has now split along gender lines, and Clay tells Brian that they have to win immunity today. Brian says, "Okay," as if it's the matter of an easy decision, as opposed to a competition. Then again, considering what his competition consists of, maybe it is that simple. Brian tells Clay the best thing at this point is not to talk about it. As Helen and Jan naïvely coo over a red vase-like thing they've received in the treemail, we see Brian tell Clay that there's "no ifs ands or buts," and surprisingly Clay doesn't respond, "But I like the butts, Brian!" Instead, they shake on their agreement. Helen and Jan return to camp exclaiming over the treemail, and Clay unconvincingly exclaims, "Oh, great!" Jan orders them to dust off their "remaining brain cell," and Helen clarifies that she means, "'cell' not 'seal.'" The clue is about fools repeating mistakes and hindsight being 20/20. The S4 are advised to cash in on what they've learned so far in the game in order to get closer to the money. Brian says, "That's obvious. What it is." Helen agrees while Jan nods behind her. Clay asks, "What?" which is then followed by a long, uncomfortable pause during which Helen and Brian both confirm that they're ass-talkers until Jan responds, "What we learned. Here." Clay says, "Oh, okay, yeah." Because that explanation really cleared it up for him.
Brian leads the tribe into the challenge. He'll just keep right on leading them through the remainder of the game (although we don't know that yet). Peachy welcomes them and reminds them that at this point in the game, with only three days and four competitors remaining, they only way to control their fate is by winning immunity. He explains that the challenge is called "Second Chance," and is, "appropriately enough," a chance to revisit certain aspects of challenges. Peachy looks particularly, ruddily cute here. On Peachy's go, the S4 will dig up a wicker ball, carry it over a bamboo balancing beam, maneuver it through fishnet tubing, place it on a torch, release a knife through a slide puzzle, cut through a rope, and release a bag of materials. They will then take the materials into a jail cell, where they will use them to construct a pole to fetch a key and unlock the door. Finally, they will sprint to the final "buffet table," where a surprise food challenge awaits. The first person to eat the food and show his empty mouth to Peachy claims the immunity. Brian looks most bothered at the idea of eating something gross, while Jan just looks typically, googly-eyed happy because she might get a meal.
With the reminder that the reward is a spot in the Final Three, and that the stakes have never been higher, Peachy strips Brian of the immunity necklace, and then the S4 are off and digging. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Clay -- who appears to dig with only one hand -- is the first to finish. He skitters across the beam and falls, complaining, "Makes ya slip!" Peachy makes his cringing face. Jan is the second to unearth her wicker ball, and heads off to the balance beam, where she takes two steps before falling off. Peachy commands the others to keep digging, and Brian mutters something about China. Hee. Clay is halfway across the beam, and we see that Helen is the third to retrieve the wicker ball. Clay takes a few high-kneed steps to the end of the beam, then does a fancy dismount. He moves on to the fishnet tubing, which Peachy insists that it's not a big lead. Finally, Brian digs up his wicker ball, and joins the struggling Jan and Helen on the balance beam.
By now, Clay has reached the slide puzzle, where he will remain for a long, long time. Brian quickly makes it across the beam, while Jan and Helen continue to flail. Jan mumbles to herself, gets back on the beam, and falls off. Helen also takes a spill, causing Peachy to yell, "Guys on the balance beam -- look where you are going!" and I'm not sure that the problem is failure to adequately look ahead. So Brian moves on to the tubing and makes good time of it, reaching the slide puzzle, where Clay is still in distress. Peachy tells Jan and Helen, "Way to keep fightin'!" Moments later, Jan -- who is scurrying along -- screams and falls. Helen, wearing just socks, fiercely concentrates, adjusts her hair and sunglasses, and prepares to attempt the beam again. Brian releases his knife, and Clay looks over in alarm. Peachy announces that Brian is "screwin' up his puzzle so Clay can't look over and copy," and Clay's expression changes from anxiety to curiosity. Brian slices through his rope, releases the sack, and heads to the jail cell.
Helen has tucked the wicker ball into her pants and has made it halfway across the beam. Peachy advises her that it's "just a sprint to the bottom," and she succeeds while Jan launches herself into another flying digger. Seriously, I think Jan's beam has a propulsive element. Peachy half-heartedly says, "Let's go, Jan." In the jail cell, Brian reaches his key and moseys over to the food item. Clay, meanwhile, is still working on the knife slide puzzle and has been joined by Helen. Jan finally makes it across the beam with a cry of "Hallelujah!" and Peachy congratulates her with a surprised "Thataway, Jan!"
Brian lifts the cover off the mystery plate to reveal a boiled tarantula, which he gingerly dumps out onto the table. He asks Peachy if he has to eat it all; Peachy insists that he does, and advises Brian not to mess around but to "get that thing down; start chewin'." Brian closes his eyes, screws up his face, and bites into the bug. As we see that Clay is still sweating his way through the puzzle, Brian concentrates on downing the tarantula. Legs hang out the sides of his mouth. Finally, he sticks out his tongue very slowly. Peachy orders, "Let me see that whole mouth," He probably did not expect, in return, Brian's lascivious, tongue-wiggling display. In order to get Brian to stop the sexy tongue action, Peachy declares him the winner, and Jan falls over in exhaustion. Brian continues to waggle his tongue, and the others stumble over to join him at the buffet. Helen appears to say "Fuck!" as Peachy snits that they've come a long way, but that one of them is going home after the Tribal Council.
Strummy, tinkly music plays and ooh, a dolphin! The editors must have been saving that footage for the finale, although I supposed they could have spliced it into every episode; after all, it's not like they're exactly loath to recycle footage. The tribe has returned to camp from the challenge, and Brian hangs the necklace from a hook on the wall. Helen tells the others that she got angry during the challenge because she hates to lose and to look like a fool in doing so; she thinks she did both today. She complains about looking like an idiot, and blames the "damn balance thing." In an interview, she tells us that the minute she realized she didn't win the challenge, she thought, "Okay, now what?" A clear face shot of Helen blurs to reveal a blurred-to-clear shot of Brian standing behind her. As Helen snits off, Brian voice-overs that "it looks like it's time for Helen to go." He tells us that there was a relationship between Ted and Helen, which included "some writing on the ground" just the other day, which caused him to distrust Helen. Brian tells Clay that Helen and Ted were scheming against the others; he says Jan was "supposedly" sleeping while "they were doin' stuff in the dirt here." Not the "ew!" kind of stuff, thankfully. Clay says he noticed the writing too, but says it looked to him like they were playing Tic Tac Toe. Brian explains that they were making a voting order, and he knows Helen will go down fighting no matter what. She's making Brian nervous, and he tells us in an interview that she has to go now simply because she's a threat to him.
Gong! Brian cockily reclines and asks, "Jan, you know where the vote's goin', correct?" Jan pauses, points out herself, and responds, "Me?" Brian reveals that it's actually Helen, and Jan is surprised because this is the first she's heard of it. Brian explains that it's strictly strategy, and that she should think about it. She shakes her head back and forth and assumes a "thinking" position as Brian panders, "It's not your turn." In an interview, he tells us that Jan is his "ace in the hole," and that he'll use her at the night's Tribal Council if everything goes as planned.
Brian and Jan have relocated to a blanket, and he's still working on getting her vote. He prattles on about how she can't get emotional over making decisions in this game. He understands if she's uncomfortable allying against Helen, but he'd still like her to think about it. He says he also mentioned the new voting order to Clay, who is suddenly standing above them. Clay adds that the move will help her "pocketbook," and Brian says, "And it's you or her." Really, it's not Jan or Helen, but for some reason, Jan and Helen are both too stupid and Brian-whipped to consider voting against his plans. Jan doesn't want Helen to be surprised at the Council, and asks that Clay and Brian discuss their plans with her. Brian insists that he's not playing games and says, "I'm gonna take her out in about an hour and talk to her." He tells Jan that she's going to be Number Three, and that's "quite a feat." He announces that the time has come to make a decision: "It's Helen's time." Jan requests a chance to "ponder what's goin' on," and Clay tries to force her decision: "We got a deal, Jan?" Jan won't be bullied -- not just yet, anyway -- and reiterates that she wants to take a nap and rest on it. But clearly she just wants the nap. As the men leave, Jan giggles that her "one cell is bein' very overworked." She then covers her eyes and moans that she's going to kill herself. She tells us in an interview that she was approached with a new game plan, and she's toying with the idea. She says that Helen, who cooks and sings at night to calm the others down, is a friend. Jan's in a quandary, and that makes her anxious.
Brian and Clay discuss Jan's wavering, and Clay says that if she changes her mind, they'll vote her out instead of Helen. Brian thinks she'll be okay if she relaxes. Brian sits down, eases himself backwards, crosses his legs, and grins. He smugly says that the only issue is what to tell Helen, and Clay responds that she'll get the message when her name pops up three times at Tribal Council. Hee.
As Helen stomps around camp, she voice-overs that she, Clay, and Brian decided weeks ago to go into the Final Three together. They knew they would eliminate Ted, then Jan, then reevaluate their situation when they reached the final three slots. She knows that Clay envisions himself in the finals, though, so she's worried that they might decide to keep Jan around instead of her. She checked last night to make sure it was still a Ted vote, and then checked again today to see if it was with Jan. She was told "yes" both times. Now the three are together, and discuss whether to let Jan know she's going . (Except Jan's not really going -- sneaky Clay and Brian.) Clay thinks they should just let her be by herself and get through the day without upsetting her. In an interview, Helen tells us that Brian and Clay have had it with Jan and are frustrated by her. Helen says that Jan is definitely out tonight. If "definitely" means "under no circumstances," that is, in which case she's entirely right.
It's now time for the tribe to head out to Council, and they're all decked out and ready to go. The moon goes down, and lots of little lights adorn the set. They walk into the Council in slow motion, accompanied by all-new, farting sounds. The jury then comes in, and Ted appears to have lost even more weight during his one night out of the tribe. His underwear-esque outfit is a bit of a problem, though. Jan grins widely at the jury, while the others maintain serious expressions. Peachy announces that, prior to the vote at the last Tribal Council, no one admitted to feeling vulnerable. He concludes that that meant everyone felt safe, so someone was being lied to. Ted's ejection confirmed that, since he clearly didn't see it coming. Peachy then trots out the same nonsensical line he's been spouting for the past several weeks about how the jury is now comprised of four betrayed Sook Jais and one betrayed Chuay Gahn. He asks Clay if it was a smart way to play the game, and Clay suggests that he didn't "betray" Ted, but was just playing the game. He insists that lying is part of Survivor: it's a game of "people playin' people." He's sure he's said some deceptive things, but lying has kept him in the game.
Jan claims that she didn't lie to Ted; she just voted to keep herself in the game. Peachy's not having it -- he asks if he's supposed to believe that it was entirely coincidental that everyone voted against Ted. Jan doesn't know, but she doesn't think so. She argues that she didn't tell Ted she was going to vote against him, but he didn't ask her, either.
Brian announces that he hasn't lied, but that he has changed his mind a few times in the game; Ted looks perplexed. Brian explains that there have been situations where communications could have been open and "friendships could have remained, blossoming," but people decided to take other, more deceptive routes. Peachy asks Brian whether he thinks he's been lied to, and Brian responds, "Yes. I've been deceived." He says he expected it to happen in the game, just not to him.
Helen also knows she's been lied to; she just doesn't know the particular, upcoming lie that awaits her. Clay is also aware of lies he's been told, but he just dealt the cards right back. Peachy asks how there's any loyalty in the game, and Clay responds that there isn't. He says the only safety in the game comes from wearing the immunity necklace. He points at Brian and says, "We're three vulnerable right now. He's safe. We're not." Brian looks around, overdramatically mimes wiping his brow, and makes a "Whew!" face.
Peachy asks how Helen can trust any of the others when casting their votes, and she responds that she can't. She explains that although there might be a pre-made decision, it could change at the last minute. A "signal from [her] bloc" might indicate that the vote is going in another direction, and that might make her an unintentional liar. Peachy asks again whether Ted's ejection was a coincidence, and Helen flatly responds, "It was a bloc." No one reacts except Ted, who raises his eyebrows.
Peachy points out that Clay is already "in a little trouble" with the four members of Sook Jai, and asks why he didn't fess up to Ted in order to win his allegiance in the final vote. Clay responds that he personally wouldn't want to know if he was going. He says that he needed to get rid of the most threatening people, and points out that the game is about a million dollars, not twenty. He explains that, in life, people are judged if they lie, but that's not the case in Survivor. There's no need to play the game as you would conduct your life, because it's a game, and the point is to play and win. Upon that truthful yet likely jury-inciting comment, Peachy sends them off to vote.
As expected, Brian votes for Helen. Equally expected is the smug, nonsensical comment he proffers: "Cause and effect. You caused. This effect." ["Proof once again that Brian is the most annoying kind of dumb person -- the dumb person who only hangs out with people even dumber than himself, so that he ends up thinking he's really smart." -- Wing Chun]
We don't see Helen's or Jan's vote, but Clay holds up Helen's name with the claim that she got busted playing both sides. He adds, "You're a hell of a cook, and I'll miss ya. But I will kiss the cook later in life. Goodbye."
Now Peachy is back from tallying, and reveals that the first vote for Helen, who maintains an impassive expression. The second vote is also for Helen, followed by a Jan vote. Peachy reveals that the thirteenth member voted out of the game is indeed Helen, and Jan looks over at her in a regretful way. As Helen brings her torch to Peachy, her face has assumed the pissed-off expression it will bear every time we see her from here on in. She wordlessly stomps off without even a glance at her tribemates, while Ted randomly grins and Jan cries. Peachy announces that they've lasted thirty-seven days and have officially made it to the Final Three. He promises that tomorrow will be one of the most memorable days yet, and dismisses them back to camp.
In the segment where the credits usually roll, a slightly tearful Helen tells us she was shocked to be voted out, particularly because when she asked Brian directly if she should plan on returning to camp that night, he emphatically responded that she should. She says that of the three knives in her back right now, his smarts the worst, and graciously concludes, "So, uh, the three of you that are left? Break a leg. And I mean it." Hee.
Back at camp, we see a full moon, the glistening water, and something that looks like a nappy log or a nappy leg. On closer inspection, I see a cute, furry little creature all snuggled up in the crook of the nappy log/leg. Clay declares that the day is very memorable and emotional. Jan thanks Clay and Brian, who thank her back. In an interview, Jan tells us that making the Final Three was one of those "good/sad things for [her]." The S3 hug each other and fumble about doing campsite things as Jan voice-overs that she felt "anxious" about Helen because Helen worked hard and deserved a place in the Final Two. Brian tells the others that he didn't expect Helen to "lose it, but she actually lost it the last couple days." Clay points out that she did lose it, and Jan says she didn't expect it either. Brian points out that everything was fine until very recently, but then Helen got all "antsy and nervous and sketchy." And that's the pot calling the kettle sketchy, if you ask me. Clay tells us that when Helen saw her name for the third time, it was like a "truck hit her right in the stomach. Whammo!" He camera-talks, "We slapped you right in front of your Council members, and uh, you know what? You still gotta vote for one of us, and all three of us voted for you. So who you gonna blame?" As the tribe stumbles together toward the treemail, Jan warns the others, "Watch your toes! Watch your feet!" Considering how often she seems to fall compared to how often they do, she should spend less time warning the others and more time looking out for herself. Helen 's krathong awaits them at treemail, and Brian is amazed that it arrived so quickly while Jan proclaims it "awful." She tells us in an interview that it felt "real soon" to be "feelin' like you buried someone." Brian has assumed the clue-reading duty from Helen, and they are advised to make the last boat "in memory of the person you just set adrift." They immediately get to work, and Jan is excited to tie "a spoon -- one of those spoons that we cook with," into the display. In an interview, she tells us that she wanted to make sure Helen's krathong was a good one. We see Brian proclaim the spoon a good idea, before telling us in an interview that he wanted to make sure Helen had a "proper burial." He explains that he called her his "Aunt Helen," but she was more like a sister to him. He is now wondering, however, if "she's the sister that went bad." He wipes off both corners of his mouth with the fourth finger of his hand, and why does everything Brian do look incredibly lewd?
The sun rises on the sleeping S3 on Day 38. A crab scuttles and yippee! They've busted out the scuttling-crab footage for the finale! Jan rubs her eyes and looks wrinkly, while the cameras confirm that Brian doesn't sleep, but just lies there with his eyes wide open having conversations with himself inside his head. The tribe admires the sunrise and Clay says it "look [sic] like a picture somebody's taking." Jan urges the others to look at the "red lines" and proclaims it "too cool." Clay wishes he had a "bellyful of food" and some coffee, then tells us in an interview that he pretended to drink coffee and then made up some imaginary donuts to go along with it. He passed the imaginary rations out to the others and explains, "And we was [sic] just eatin' donuts and drinking coffee like we was [sic] really gettin' our bellyful." The S3 fake-eat pancakes, bacon, and sausages, as a boat appears on the horizon. They act really surprised to see that it bears Just Peachy, and who were they expecting -- Emmanuel Lewis? Clay explains in an interview that the boat had three umbrellas, except he pronounces the word "UM-brel-las." Jan eagerly welcomes Peachy to their home, and Peachy self-importantly snits that it's nice to be welcomed somewhere. Hee. Because his stateside arrivals usually elicit rotten tomatoes and insulting jeers. Peachy announces, "I come bearing the items you will need for your final rite of passage." He waves a scroll in front of them and explains that it's a map, and will lead them on their journey. They will paddle north along the island to the Mangrove River, where they will begin releasing their "loyal krathongs," which he explains again are a tribute to the eliminated players. He orders them to take a moment to pay their respects and reflect over each person. They will continue on their way into a cave, where Peachy -- and the final challenge -- will be waiting for them. Clay asks, "When do we leave? Pretty quick?" and Peachy responds that they'll leave immediately. Clay seems particularly anxious about the directions and hovers over the map until Peachy explains that the directions won't really be a problem.
They set out, paddling along, and I hope Clay is wearing sunscreen, because he's not directly under his individual parasol. Paddle, paddle. Dramatic music plays. As Clay gently sets the first krathong afloat, we see a shot of John paddling, followed by a shot of John sitting atop the cave he's just climbed; followed by a shot of John starting the fire.
Paddle, paddle.
Jan releases Tanya's krathong , while Tanya raises her eyebrows and guffaws, helps during a challenge, and spews.
Paddle, paddle.
Jed pulls a rope; Jed hacks a coconut; Jed single-handedly moves a pyramid piece in his pre-ejection Immunity Challenge.
Paddle, paddle.
Grindia hugs and kisses Ted; Grindia screams and assaults the island; Grindia wears a bright yellow Old Navy rugby shirt; Grindia cries and hugs Clay.
Paddle, paddle.
Stompanie runs with mouthful of fish; Stompanie carries a giant piece of wood; Stompanie sleeps in the rain.
Paddle, paddle.
Robb swings from a vine; Robb makes buckteeth, scrunches up his nose, and makes whiny Clay noises; Robb attempts to throttle Clay.
Paddle, paddle.
Shii Devil laughingly squats in the water; Shii Devil attempts to retrieve a key in the jail-cell challenge; Shii Devil perches in a tree and looks miserable in the rain.
Paddle, paddle.
Erin's breasts are really big.
Paddle, paddle.
Ken grins and explains something to someone; Ken reclines and makes bedroom eyes; Ken fails to read a map.
Paddle, paddle.
Penny's krathong is pretty and pink. She orders Sook Jai through a challenge, bathes, and looks serious in a Tribal Council. But not all at one time.
Paddle, paddle.
Jake makes celebratory fists, falls backwards in the canoe, and tells one of his adventure stories.
Paddle, paddle.
Fierce Ted belly-crawls through a challenge. Golden Ted broadly smiles. Drunken Ted gets his massage. Brian makes an indeterminate gesture at Ted's krathong.
Paddle, paddle.
Helen stands on Clay's back; Helen cries; Helen jumps up and down and claps because she sees Jimmy. They S3 seem particularly interested as Helen's krathong floats away.
Paddle, paddle, commercial.
Back from commercial and they're still paddling. Gong! The S3 paddle into a dark cave, and past some torches. They each retrieve a torch, and clearly someone is standing there telling them to do so, because otherwise how would they know? Bats hang from the ceiling overhead in the dark and candlelit cave. Suddenly, the S3 are on foot, and walking through the caverns. Jan looks concerned, and I guess she's never been on Walt Disney World's "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride. Brian mutters, "Where are we?" but they can't exactly think they're lost what with the millions of lit candles and torches surrounding them, and the film crew, and the craft services table. Clay advises the others to watch out and "follow tight."
Finally, the S3 come to Peachy, who welcomes them and shows them where to place their torches. He narrates that it's very hot in the cave -- about 105 degrees. He announces, "Welcome to the belly of the whale!" and the S3 look very excited -- Clay because, since they're in the whale belly, they just might get to see some fine whale ass. Peachy congratulates them on making it to the final challenge, and drones on about facing obstacles and passing thresholds en route to "your reward. The treasure. The money," in addition to the title of Survivor winner. He thinks they're about to undergo a fitting final "ordeal," which will play out in the darkest part of the cave that was once home to the island's ruling pirates. He explains that it's easy in the game to let the prize money slip through fingers because of lost challenges, bad political moves, and misplaced trust. He says that the other thirteen players did just that, but the S3 are still holding on. The question, he says, is for how much longer? Clay emphatically adds, "That's right!" Peachy continues that today's challenge "is simple: don't let the money slip through your fingers." They will each take a total of six coins -- three in each hand -- and wedge them between their fingers. They will then assume a traditional Thai pose called kahn, and remain in that position for the duration of the challenge. Stock-like frames will force them to remain in place; it would be so much better if the other competitors could stop by and taunt them. Peachy revels in revealing that discomfort will progress to pain -- particularly for the contestants' legs. Although they'll want to quit, it's a test of willpower. Still, the longer they last, the most difficult it will be to hold onto the coins, which will slowly begin to fall through their fingers. When all six coins have fallen into the "wok below," they're out of the game. The last person holding coins wins immunity, a guaranteed spot in the Final Two, and the choice of who goes along. Peachy insists that these are big stakes, and that their concentration will need to remain keen.
Peachy calls the S3 forward one at a time to get their coins, before making them remove their shoes and center the coins between their fingers. They each step onto a platform, placing their heads, hands, and feet into brackets with their palms facing up. The brackets and platforms appear to have been adjusted for their varying heights, and the forced stance is like a second-position plié with extended arms. For the non-ballet dancing minority of readers, the pose involves spread legs, bent knees, hips tucked forward, and extended arms, bent at the elbow with upturned palms. Peachy announces, "The challenge is on!" and we see shots of heads and hands. As the S3 settle in, Peachy grins and announces, "There'll be some initial discomfort; it'll turn into pain." He obviously really likes that particular line. Still, he insists that if they use their minds to block out the pain, they'll get "into a good zone" and be all right. As we see a close-up of Jan's wobbly hands, she says that she's having four beers and a "big fat pizza" as soon as she's done with Survivor. She'll also "try and find some sucker with a cigar and con it off 'im...and then laugh!" Peachy asks Brian what he's thinking, and Brian barely breaks his concentration to mumble, "I'm just relaxin'. Thank you." Clay says he's going to eat something fattening and "hug the hell" out of his wife. He adds, "She's supposed to have a pie waitin' in the car for me."
Time passes and we rejoin them four minutes and thirty seconds into the challenge. Jan takes deep breaths, and all of the competitors' eyes are closed.
More time passes, and at eight minutes and forty-five seconds, Clay looks down at his legs in amazement, and then wriggles his hips from side to side. Peachy announces that this is the painful point, and urges them to "work through it." Clay is losing his cap, while sweat rolls down Jan's face. Peachy advises them to stay focused on their own game, most likely because Brian remains unaffected. Clay wiggles around some more, looking very uncomfortable, while Peachy narrates that the challenge is designed to hurt and to test willpower. He announces, "You're at the hardest part right now. You are in the darkest. Part. Of this. Challenge." He thinks they've come too far to give in now.
At twelve minutes and fifteen seconds, Clay's legs have started to shake uncontrollably while Peachy is still prattling on about staying in the game, the importance of "the image you put forth," and how power can be given and taken away. It's all very Secret of NIMH. Jan has started shaking by now too; she suddenly stops -- still holding all the coins -- lowers her arms, and says she can't. She apologizes, squats even deeper, and steps down from the platform. Clay watches her, continues to shake, then drops all his coins at once and rushes out of the position. Peachy tells them to have a seat and "stretch it out," proving that he stays so fit by a consistent aerobics regimen. Brian slowly comes down, after first asking if he can. He congratulates the others on their effort, and Clay earnestly tells Jan, "Way to go, Jan. You give [sic] it all you got!" So Brian gets the immunity necklace for the third straight time, and he rolls his head in all directions as Peachy crowns him and explains that he has a big decision ahead of him. They're dismissed back to camp, while Brian looks particularly plotty and pensive.
The S3 return from the challenge while Magilla eats something and watches them curiously. Brian proclaims it "quite a morning," and asks whether the others are in pain. Clay stares at the wall and flatly answers that his legs hurt. In an interview, Jan tells us that, going into the challenge, she knew she had to win, but her legs were shaking and she was sweating and she just couldn't force herself to that level. Brian animatedly talks to the camera: "Wow! What a dramatic challenge!" As thunder rolls, he says he felt the same way during the challenge -- like lightning was passing through his body. Rain starts to come down as Brian explains that he had a "major burn" throughout his body -- his legs, butt, lower back, and neck. He congratulates himself for making it through, and taking home the immunity for the third straight time. He reclines with his legs and arms crossed. In an interview, Clay tells us that he's very confident Brian will "set Jan on the jury" as the seventh member, and that Clay will go into the Final Two alongside him. We see a rainbow as Brian pensively stares outward and fiddles with his hands. He voice-overs that he's trying to think about the whole picture because he knows he could be making a "$900,000 mistake." He says he could choose to go against Jan, a fifty-three-year-old woman who hasn't done much, but hasn't stepped on any toes, either; or against Clay, who has played a game very similar to Brian's. He just doesn't know. The S3 gather their torches, and Clay voice-overs that the only reason Brian might take Jan at this point is because it'd be an "easier win." Isn't that the only reason, period? He knows there's a possibility that Brian will walk into the Tribal Council and "blow him out of the water," because together they've blown two other people out of the water. And I always thought "blow[ing someone] out of the water" meant "kicking their butt," but he seems to mean it more in the "blow [someone] away" sense. In any case, Clay says it could happen, but that he would still have to see it to believe it.
The S3 arrive at Tribal Council. Jan is wearing her spiffy traveling clothes. Peachy invites the jury in, including a pissed-off-looking Helen wearing an itty bitty dress. As Peachy begins the discussion, we see more shots of bitter, angry, pursed-mouthed Helen. Jan explains that it was an emotional day; the releasing of the floats was bittersweet as they remembered the people they'd met and let go. Peachy asks whether any people stood out, and Jan answers that Helen did. She chokes up as she adds, "Cause we put spoons on the top of it for her 'cause she cooked." Helen does not look particularly amused as Jan goes on to say that it was very emotional for her, and that as she released Helen's krathong she said, "You're not a Survivor friend; you're a friend for life."
Clay sounds amazed as he says that each krathong meant something as he "turned every one of 'em loose." He says that even though they're all from the United States and seem so different, they had a hell of a time together, causing Ted to make yet another disbelieving face.
Peachy asks what is going through Brian's head at this point, and he responds, "Back and forth -- it's like a tennis match in my head. Ping. Pong. Tennis. Shew!" He says he's thinking about what is tactical and fair at this point and adds, "So that's what I've been kind of, um, teeter-tottering with. As I like to say."
Peachy explains that because Brian has immunity, and because, according to the rules, the players are not allowed to vote against themselves, Jan can only vote against Clay and Clay can only vote against Jan. Therefore, there's no point in casting their votes because they will cancel each other out. That leaves Brian with the final, decisive vote. Brian looks around shiftily, then slowly gets up and hobbles over to the urn. He walks very slowly which might be part arrogance and part soreness from the challenge. He places his hands on his hips, makes a perplexed face, uncaps the pen, sniffs it, and looks dramatically off into the distance. We don't see the vote, as he drawls, "You've come a long way. A long, long way. Congratulations." Suddenly he's all Dirty Harry with a grumbling, bizarre accent. He says it's been his pleasure, and then turns and hobbles back to his seat.
Peachy says, "I will go tally. The vote." Hee. We see serious faces and praying statues while the Survivor singers sigh. Peachy returns with the urn while the camera shows Clay's, Jan's, and Helen's respectively upset, resigned, and pissed-off-looking faces. Peachy makes it as dramatic as he can, but there's only one vote to read, and it's for Jan. She grins and heads over to get her torch snuffed, while Clay watches in apparent dismay to a stone-faced Brian. Jan continues smiling as Peachy extinguishes her torch; she then hugs and kisses him, and even he seems completely charmed by her enthusiasm. Jan tells Brian and Clay that she loves them, and thanks them as she heads off. A somber Clay responds, "We love you, Jan." Aw. So Jan happily heads off, and Clay turns to thank Brian earnestly. Brian says it's "no problem." No one on the jury looks particularly pleased by this turn of events. Peachy snits that there's nothing left to be said, but clearly there is, since he's still talking. He points out that they've gotten as far as possible; there's only one night left, and he'll see them at the final Tribal Council.
As the credits don't roll, Jan tells us that the experience has been "surreal," and that she never thought she would last that long "in a bat cave with rats and snakes." She's learned never to say she can't do something and tells us, "I'm a teacher. I don't want any of my students to ever [sic] quit anything." Except maybe the drinking. Oh, and college. And smoking, but everyone knows that's a nasty habit. And then there's always the crack cocaine.
A slithery snake slithers, and actually, it's more worm-like than snake-like, but it's still not my friend. It's Night 38, and we see the moon through branches. As the S2 return from Tribal Council, Clay lags behind. He tells us in an interview that he spent all day wondering what he would do in Brian's shoes. He says that a million dollars could make a man change his mind -- could certainly make a man get into porno, anyway, but even a couple hundred would do that for some -- but Brian stayed true to his word. When Jan's name was revealed, Clay was a happy man. At camp, Brian disrobes as Clay congratulates them on the fact that "a guy in his mid-thirties [and] a guy in his mid-forties just kicked all them young people's ass!" They thank each other, and Clay reminds Brian, "We started with the preacher!"
Brian and Clay light their torches from the fire, as Clay voice-overs that the heavy boat has been a "burden in our butt" ever since they arrived on the island. He may have said the more logical "burr in our butt," but it sure didn't sound like it. Thriller-like music plays in the background, but sadly there are no dancing zombies. Brian explains that the burning of the boat was like a "cleansing of the soul," and an attempt to rid himself of bad energy. The boat catches fire, and Brian and Clay make victorious gestures. In an interview, Clay happily tells us that they're officially done with water runs, paddling, and gathering clams and crabs. He says it was "nice to see it go." The two men stand silhouetted by the fire, and Clay looks even teensier than usual. Brian proclaims the game over.
Day 39 dawns and Magilla yawns in a tree as the sun rises. Brian and Clay again admire the view as Clay says, "Lookit [sic] that big ole sun." A close-up of a scuttling crab rewards the loyal viewing audience. Clay marks off the final day on the calendar and calls it a "beautiful sight." He grabs a piece of coconut and is excited that it's not dirty. In an interview, he tells us that this is the most memorable time of his life, and that he wouldn't change anything he's done or experienced in the past thirty-nine days. Brian shadowboxes at his reflection in the mirror and voice-overs that they're "literally down to hours now." He claps his hands, points at his reflection and says, "Excellent job, sir!" He pauses, bows, and responds, "Thank you. Good job to you, too." He wraps up the conversation: "Appreciate that."
The last of the soaring birds soars overhead. The last of the racing clouds races above. The ugly purple and yellow Sook Jai flag looks ugly for the very last time. As Clay stuff his personal items into a bag, he voice-overs that if you look at the whole game, it's clear that they each contributed in different ways to the group's survival. He says that somewhere within the experience, all sixteen people helped each other live, and that even though they suffered, it's been a memorable event. He and Brian shoulder up the last of their things and head out of camp with the cry, "We're outta here!" As they walk off, Magilla rubs his eyes.
In an interview, Brian tells us that they both had fun and brought their own meaning to the experience. Now standing in the "winner's circle," they can't "get any higher in this game," and it's up to the jury to make the final decision. He tells us again that it's strictly a game to him, about building relationships and cutting losses. While Magilla huddles at the water's edge, Brian voice-overs that some of those relationships weren't necessarily real, and it's a "sad fact of reality" that Survivor is a brutal, dangerous game: if you don't build a strong skin, you'll be out of it quickly. Brian knows that people may have formed new opinions of him within the past few days, and that it's scary now to have the spotlight on him.
In an interview, Clay tells us that everyone respects Brian because he's "a class act." Not exactly the words I'd choose, but that's just me. Still, he points out that Helen and Ted had a "pretty solid base with old Brian," and might feel more betrayed by him in the end. Clay knows that no one wants to be the first person voted out, but it's the nature of the game, along with the fact that someone else has to be the final winner. He says, "It's just all the stuff in between the two people that is the problem." He wishes they all could have a million dollars, but they can't: it ends up with just one and, he tells us, "I still got one more to beat."
The S2 hike off to Tribal Council, and for the first time in all the seasons, this segment is not accompanied by voice-over input from the jury members. They arrive at Tribal Council looking their very most serious. Brian takes a big, silly last step, carefully sets down his guitar, and then tosses back his glorious mullet. The jury comes in, and Jan wears nice, flowy white pants. She's still the only one who can manage a smile over the experience.
The S2 stare at the jury; the jury stares back. Peachy welcomes them, and Brian looks wary while Clay grins cockily. Peachy explains that tonight's Tribal Council is different because the power has shifted from the remaining players to the jury. He explains that they'll now be voting for a "sole survivor," and the evening will begin with opening statements from the S2, commenting on why they deserve to win; then the jury will address the S2 and present a question. Peachy insists that "they're looking for information to help them make a big decision," but it's more like they're looking for ways to embarrass or trap the S2, which is fine by me since it's funnier that way. The vote will follow the jury's questions.
Clay is the first to go and exclaims, "Wow! What do I say besides, 'I'm the lucky guy.'" He insists that he's lucky to be sitting where he is, as opposed to sitting on the jury. Except he says "setting" instead of "sitting." He claims that the hardest part of Survivor is that people are not puzzle pieces, and that he had to tell some untruths to "put y'all over there." He adds, "And I can promise you this: uh, if y'all could replace my seat here, y'all would do exactly like I did." Clay says that each one of them played their hardest: "I did, too. And I'm settin' [sic] over here." Ted nobly sniffs the air while even Jan looks a little perturbed by Clay's statement. Clay insists that it's hard to say out loud, but he wants the million. At age forty-six, a million dollars is a "life-changing deal." He knows that everyone goes through bad luck; he's just coming out of his, and starting on his road back up again, the money will give him a real boost. He knows that it's a "super-hard decision," and tells the jury, "Regardless of what y'all make, y'all had to live with both of us for a while."
Brian says it's been a pleasure knowing the members of the jury. They've all had both positive and negative experiences, throughout which there has been "leadership through example, leadership through merit." He claims that he's made no complaints, and fabricated no stories for sympathy. The camera pans over to reveal a stone-faced Clay. Brian brags that he's had a positive outlook on a daily basis, and has focused on putting food in his tribemates' bellies and keeping them warm at night. Along the way, he developed friendships, but it's a game, and certain people had to go. He says "that sucked," but that he dealt with it the best way he could: sometimes by not saying anything at all. He urges them to vote with their hearts and to look at the entire experience. Most of all, he wants them to feel good about their choice, because that's the most important thing. He adds, "And I respect every one of you. In your own way." It's been a pleasure knowing them; he appreciates them; he thanks them. Is this a comedy club, or Survivor?
Peachy jumps in to announce that the jury questions are forthcoming, and Brian and Clay morph into little flaming torches.
We see a faraway shot of the Tribal Council hut, followed by a close-up shot of a golden idol. Brian and Clay look very serious as Peachy announces that, since the jury members have had their chance to hear from Brian and Clay, it's now their turn to contribute.
Erin is the first to go, and she head-bobs her way through the introduction that she's sat through every Tribal Council. She's heard why each thinks he deserves to win the million, but now she wants to know why each man thinks the other doesn't deserve to win. She starts with Brian, who says Clay doesn't deserve to win because he didn't put forth the necessary effort. He adds, "There's a lot more spunk in this little man than I think we've seen." I, for one, am glad to have been spared seeing any of Clay's "spunk." Brian thinks Clay coasted through a few scenarios, and was more as a "thinker" than "doer." Clay says that Brian thought he was the leader of the camp, and wanted the other members to take their questions and concerns directly to him. They didn't have to, though, because there were other people they could talk to about such things. Clay thinks Brian's anxiety about what other people were saying demonstrated his lack of power, because if he really had all the power, he wouldn't have had to worry about it. And thus begins a spate of antagonistic, non-correlating responses from Clay. That's not to say I don't prefer them to Brian's smug answers. Erin is satisfied, and takes a seat.
A grinning Ken calls Clay out on his statement that Ken would do what Clay did in order to change places with Clay right now. Ken insists that Clay is wrong, because Ken personally wouldn't do it. In fact, he never lied and kept his integrity, "because that's the only thing a man can go home with at the end of the night after everything's gone." Clay flatly says, "Okay." Ken turns to Brian and states that when he first got to Chuay Gahn, Brian told him there was a particular reason why Ted had to go before making it to the Final Two. He snits, "Why don't you tell the jury why Ted had to go?" Brian sputters that he never said Ted had to go, and Ken says, "Okay, let's rewind again. I know the answer to this. You told me this." He asks again why Ted had to go, and Brian responds that Ted isolated himself. He concludes, "So that was the reason. I think." Ken blusters for a bit before plaintively looking to Peachy for help. Peachy jumps in to say he wants to make sure he's clear: "Brian told you something." Ken says that Brian has told him two different things tonight, neither of which was what Brian told Ken when the tribes first came together. Still, Ken says it's not a big deal; he's satisfied and is not going to push it anymore. ["Weak!" -- Wing Chun] Peachy prods, asking whether he "got the honesty" from Brian, and Ken says he didn't. Peachy then asks if he's satisfied, and Ken throws his hands up in the air and says it's now between Brian "and...God."
Ted looks shiny and in need of a new, smaller shirt. He addresses Brian first: "You truly are a great, great car salesman." He says that Brian sold Ted his friendship, his "understanding of cultural diversity," and his word, only to find out that "each one of those qualities were lemons." Clay, "on the other hand," sits in the Final Two only because he rode Brian's coattails. I'm not sure how that qualifies as an "on the other hand" -- it's more like "on somebody else's left foot." Ted snits that he really overestimated Clay, because Clay's "nothing more than an ignorant, southern, redneck hillbilly," to which Clay responds, "That's fine." Ted asks Clay to define "a racist person," and Clay says he doesn't "know of a racist word." Ted attempts to clarify whether Clay has made racist comments behind Ted's back, and Clay answers that he didn't, but if he did, he "sure didn't mean to." Peachy looks wary at the direction the discussion has taken, as Ted continues to prod Clay: "So, what is Clay's definition of a racist person?" Clay begins to explain, and Ted snits, "My definition of a racist person is this," as if Clay needs help composing his answer. Clay, however, needs no help and answers perfectly adequately by explaining that a racist person belittles people of other races "whether it's white, black, brown, pink, or purple. Whatever." Ted can't find fault with that, and asks what Clay can say to convince Ted that Clay is worthy of Ted's vote. Clay says, "I was, uh, fair with Ted." A perplexed Ted repeats, "Fair with me? One hundred percent fair with me?" Ted asks Brian if that's true, and Brian sigh, "No." Clay, meanwhile, jumps in just to antagonize Ted further: "I don't have anything else. That's it." He does look defiantly bothered, and I would too, if someone called me a racist on national television but had no means of backing it up. Not to mention if those allegations cost me a million dollars.
A happy Jan is , and we seen that they've switched around the order so that pissy Helen could go last. Jan greets them with a chipper "Hi guys!" and continues on to say that she spent thirty-eight days with them, and wants Clay to explain how he worked harder than Brian in "the total work of the water and the food and making the tribe live and survive on day to day." Clay thinks he did his share to get the food, and admits that Brian did more swimming to get the water. He fails to point out that since Brian had a hand in losing the boat, it only made good sense. Instead, he says that every time he offered to fetch the water, Brian insisted that he'd do it. Jan asks Brian to compare the workload, and Brian rattles off a list of chores, including daily clamming, water runs, tending to the fire, and the "wonderful soup that allowed us to survive for so many days." He says he knew what needed to be done around camp, and was willing and able to make that contribution. Jan nods and thanks them; she's satisfied with their answers.
Helen, wearing a red dress, struts to stand before the S2, crosses her arms, and says that her mind has been made up since the second week, but "that got ripped. Right out. Of my mind. The night I left here." She tells Brian, "You and I had that thing goin'," and so she flat-out asked him whether she was the one leaving that night. She says they had a trust and an agreement to give the other the courtesy of knowing when his or her time was up. But he told her that Jan was going, and Helen believed him because Jan was so clearly distraught that day. When she insisted that Jan deserved to know of her imminent demise, Brian and Clay both insisted that knowing would make her miserable, so she agreed to keep it from her. Helen whines, "You promised me it was us three goin' to the threesome," and that's not a pretty picture, is it? She complains that neither Clay nor Brian was "man enough" to tell Helen to her face. She wasn't surprised by Clay, who turned out to be exactly what she thought he was, but with Brian, she felt like she was "living the Julius Caesar play: I wanted to turn around and say, 'Et tu, Brute.'" ["If there were a Pop-Up Video version of this show, we'd get to see Brian thinking, 'What does Little Caesar's have to do with this?'" -- Wing Chun] Helen tells Brian, "You are the epitome of the trashy used-car salesman." Helen complains that it hurts and adds, "You duped me, you made a fool of me, you strung me along, and you let me sit here and get stunned." Helen says it's now Brian chance to explain why he wasn't decent enough to give her the courtesy of letting her know, after all their time together, that he and Clay were voting her out. She wants to know why she should vote for Brian.
Brian responds by revealing that Jan told him about the scheme between Ted and Helen. On the jury, Ted feigns surprise. Brian says he knows about the plotting in the sand, and he was extremely surprised to learn of Helen's betrayal. He was hurt because they'd had a friendship, and she'd "misused that trust." He points out that she schemed against him first, and Helen refutes this by saying that she had told him if she ever planned to vote against him, she'd tell him first, and she didn't tell him anything because she hadn't changed her mind. This statement involves lots of pointing and head-shaking leading up to Helen's dramatic "Your name was never on my ballot!" She asks again for a specific reason why Brian wasn't honest with her, and Brian responds, "Because of the knife that you put in my back through the, uh, what Jan told me." Helen cuts him off, gesticulating wildly and shouting, "Hearsay! Hearsay! Something that didn't come from me?" Brian insists that Jan saw and hard it, but Helen won't let him finish a statement, interjecting, "This is what you're going on? This is what you're going on? Hearsay. Mmmmmm. Hmmmmm. You didn't come to me and ask me?" She juts her neck out and open her eyes really wide. She may be signing along with these statements. Brian says he was hurt and admits to doing wrong, but insists that he felt betrayed and thought she would take him out . Helen won't give it up and continues going on about "decency" and then goes all A Few Good Men with the whole "code of silence" bit. Brian can't get a word in so Peachy orders Helen to let him finish. Brian explains that he was pissed at Helen and wanted her to learn it at the Tribal Council. He admits to acting out of anger, and to having been dishonest with her. ["Helen is dumb not to ask the obvious follow-up question: why Brian still believed her to have turned on him, even after she voted out her supposed co-conspirator, Ted." -- Wing Chun] Helen -- apparently tired of repeating herself over and over again to try to get an answer she'll never get because it doesn't exist -- moves on to "Part B: why should I vote for you tonight?" Brian says he made one mistake, and admits it. He apologizes again and takes "full responsibility" for the act. As Brian turns on the "charm," Helen visibly softens. He then adds the kicker: that he thought she was strong enough to threaten his chances of winning. She grins, makes a thoughtful face, and says, "It's a little late now...but."
As an afterthought, she turns to Clay and asks him to offer examples -- "three if [he] can" -- of how he contributed to the survival of his tribe. Clay says, "I, I did stuff every day. I did a little bit every day. That's all I have to say." Helen looks at Peachy in disbelief and says, "I asked for -- three reasons I wanted -- on a daily basis." Clay says that there's no answer in the world that will satisfy her, "so why try." And I don't blame him, after what she just put Brian through. Before completely absolving him, that is. Helen snits her way back to the bench, saving future misdirected venom for the reunion show.
Peachy advises the jury to take a minute and think about their decisions, while Clay and Brian look off dramatically into the distance. The cameras pan out to the blackness of the sea, and then we fade to commercial.
As we return from Tribal Council, the jury looks typically snickery. Peachy says for the umpteenth time that the ball is in their court, and reminds them that they're voting for someone this week, as opposed to against him. He further clarifies that Clay and Brian actually want to see their names on the night's ballots.
Erin votes first. She looks thoughtful, then writes down Clay's name. Sounding a little choked up, she explains that she feels Clay has been honest, and Brian hasn't. She wishes him luck, and I notice that she's left-handed, so she can't be all bad.
Ken grins, but we don't see his vote.
Ted holds his head high and votes for "B." He then launches into a diatribe against Brian, insisting that it would have been an easy decision but, "You messed up, bro. You messed up." He says that Brian assumed that the writing in the sand was a scheme against him; it was really against Clay. He says, "You need to check yourself." Brian needs to know that some people are committed to their word. Ted adds, "My word was my bond, and it's pitiful that you didn't know that." He concludes, "But you are the lesser of the two evils," clearing things up for those of us at home giggling because Ted appeared to have gotten the whole voting thing wrong.
We don't see Jake's vote. Clay and Brian look bored.
Penny votes. Gong! She has written Clay's name down with an underscore and an exclamation point. She says that, of the two finalists, only Clay took the time to get to know her. Again, because it's all about Penny.
We don't see Jan's vote, either. Clay and Brian still look bored.
Helen turns out not to need Brian's help making a fool of herself; she does perfectly fine on her own. After all of her indignant anger, she still proves that she's under Brian's thumb, throwing her vote his way, claiming, "What happened between you and I [sic] happened between you and I." She insists that as a "bigger person," she's capable of looking at the bigger scope of the game. She says Brian had a work ethic and excelled at the challenges. She concludes, "So for that, and your work ethic, and your sexy, sexy bod, you get my vote tonight." Except without the "sexy bod" part. Except she was so thinking it. She wishes Brian luck and hopes he wins.
So that's it for the jury, which seems smaller this season. Peachy's off to tally. The camera slowly pans around the outside of the Tribal Council hut, and by the time we get back to the S2, Clay's gained about forty pounds, and his beard has grown several inches. Brian looks pretty much the same, except for his beefy arms. A more chiseled Peachy announces that "it's been a long thirty-nine days, and it comes down to this." He's a little giggly through this statement, so I think it's some sort of inside joke about how much time has really passed. Peachy thanks the jury for their "very spirited" comments and questions, points out that the new Chevy Trailblazer is "not a bad truck," and snarks that "if Brian knew how to spell 'road trip,' he'd already own one." In addition to the truck, tonight's winner will also win the overrated title of "Sole Survivor," and the underrated million dollars. New Clay looks like he ate Old Clay.
Peachy explains that there are seven votes in total, so it will take four to win. The first vote is for Clay, which causes him to remove his hand from Brian's upper thigh. The second vote is for Brian, which causes him to put his hand on Clay's upper thigh. We alternate with the votes until the score is tied with three votes each. Peachy announces, "I'll read the last vote," as opposed to the far more unexpected "I'll now dance the Hokey Pokey." He unfolds the vote, stares at it, then dramatically turns it over to reveal Brian's name. The audience erupts, and the jury hugs him, but no family members converge upon the stage (what with the restraining orders and all). The camera pans back to reveal that we're now live at CBS Television City in Hollywood. We see that C.C. is approximately one hundred law-abiding yards away from Brian in the audience, seated to a distinguished-looking older gentleman, who may be Brian's very embarrassed father. Or a law enforcement officer. A bunch of random people pile onto the stage, prompting hundreds of members of the viewing audience, including me, to ask aloud, "Who are they?" Turns out, they are the long-forgotten players who didn't make the jury. We'll hear from them, and a manic, apparently non-medicated Peachy, in the reunion special.