Previously on Survivor, Sook Jai was a "tribe divided," and Helen and Jan were a couple of "lost old biddies." Okay, the "old biddies" part comes from me, not Just Peachy. Sook Jai won both challenges, and Robb shrieked in an unappealing way. Incidentally, we should all ready ourselves for Robb to continue to do everything in an unappealing way. In Chuay Gahn's second Council, the tribe spoke to Tanya.
Credits: dancing shadows; pretty buildings; tinkle, tinkle, paddle, paddle, paddle; buoyant breasts; pierced tongue; spastic monkey; slithery snake. Credits.
This week, we're treated to entirely new camera work with the opening moments of the show. Nothing races or flows or scuttles; instead, three shadowy half-moons converge into one substantial half-moon. It's fan-cee! Spiders swarm, quite like the ants of Survivors past. It's just as icky.
It's now Night Six at Chuay Gahn. Clay tells us that although they've lost two immunities and one reward, they're still a happy family. He says they understand and like each other's personalities, and claims that they "didn't clash, they clicked." Later, we'll learn a more suitable description: not clashing, or clicking, but grinding. A night-vision shot shows Ted and Ghandia having a conversation about the natural color of her eyes. She's quick to say she's not wearing contacts and claims, "They ain't brown." They look brown to me on the website, so I'm confused. In an interview, Ghandia tells us how happy she is to have Ted on her team. This is the longest she's been away from her husband, who's her "best friend, [her] homeboy -- everything to [her]." Ghandia and Ted snuggle up together, and Ghandia slides her arm through his arm. The camera ominously closes in on Ted's hand patting Ghandia's arm, but it's her head on his shoulder. Ghandia further explains that Ted "brings that home" to her; she feels like her husband is there with her "chillin'." He's "good to hug" and "just cool." The Survivor Singers aah and sigh, because they know Ted won't be "good to hug" and "just cool" for much longer. The night-vision camera pans over the sleeping tribe members, two of whom are spooning. You can't tell which two -- most likely it's two local Thai people flipped a fiver by Mark Burnett to lie there for thirty seconds -- but clearly we're supposed to think it's Ghandia and Ted.
Morning dawns, and dew falls from a spiky branch on Day Seven at Sook Jai. New, curious-sounding music plays -- more gong-y than tinkly. Stephanie -- who apparently didn't learn her lesson last week -- is still sleeping out by the fire while her colorfully rain-coated and peeved-looking tribe members huddle inside the shelter. ["And she's barefoot. In the rain. Now, that's Surviving!" -- Wing Chun] Robb voice-overs that he's never felt weaker in his life. Fatigued and drained, he complains that none of the tribe members has the energy to do anything. Certainly Jake's feet don't have the energy to do anything, as a close-up reveals that they are, in his words, "blistered all to heck," and "peeling off." No fears: it's not the feet that are literally peeling off, but the skin is, and that's gross enough. A further close-up shows Jake stripping the skin off a nasty blister in order to reveal the raw skin beneath. It's boil-worthy, really, and it's the biggest blister Erin's ever seen! In an interview, Shii Devil tells us that the members of Sook Jai are terrible campers and outdoorsmen, and that they're starving. She looks down at herself in awe and says, "Look at me. I'm, like, Ally McBeal-size." She kind of had to start out that way, though. If you didn't feed me for seven days, I'd look pretty much the same, and by "the same," I don't mean anything at all like Ally McBeal.
Penny speaks! She explains that they haven't been successful using the fishing net, and she doesn't know if they've been doing something wrong, because it hasn't been rewarding for them. The Pennys of the world are used to fish jumping into their nets. And of course it's not rewarding: they don't know how to use it! Jed and Stephanie wade in the surf as they drag the net behind them. Penny then randomly tells us that she'd like a big plate of cheese and crackers. She'd also like some soap to wash off the cheesy red "I heart you" she's written on her chest. Since there's no accompanying name, we should all just assume that Penny hearts the entire viewing audience. Jake tells us that the members of Sook Jai are trying to figure out how to work the net. It's a net, people, not a VCR. Jake explains that none of the tribe members has ever lived on the beach or near water, so they're clueless. And actually, I wouldn't think living near the beach is any sort of prerequisite for knowing how to use a fishing net or vice versa. I live "near the water," and whether I could operate a fishing net doesn't really have anything to do with that fact. Stephanie complains that they've worked hard for nothing, but she's semi-content with the single fish they've managed to catch. As the fish roasts on a stick, Robb tells us it's strange to be out there and "see where all the fish comes from that [he] eat[s] every day at home." Did he think they just crawled onto his plate?
We rejoin Chuay Gahn sitting around the fire. Gandhia chews and looks typically pissed off. Brian doesn't chew and looks typically blank-faced. Ghandia explains that she didn't sleep well last night; she feels depressed and "used." When Ted joins Ghandia and Brian, Ghandia grudgingly agrees that he can sit down. In a voice-over, she reveals that she's gotten close to Ted, and that "it always seems that" she's sleeping beside him. Because she can't move or anything. She tells us that, the night, Ted put his arm over Ghandia and pulled her close, and that was fine with her at first. She continues that he then "started to, like, really, um, become, um, become very kind of sexual." "Kind of sexual"? More specifically, she says he was "grinding" against her and kept trying to -- in her opinion -- "engage" her. She thinks that Ted's behavior is inappropriate because he's married and just had a baby. Also, she thinks he should respect her as a married woman. I guess then she'd also think it was inappropriate for me to start referring to her as Grindia. (And Zron, you and I have to share this tm -- great minds thing alike!) She exclaims, "You can't just do [Grindia] like that!" And no, you can't just "do" her; she needs at least a little rice and some freshly poured coconut juice to get her in the mood.
Grindia insists that she's not "gonna go for it," and tells Ted, "You went up on me last night!" He shitmouths that if he's not "totally clear" while sleeping, he thinks he's with his wife. He promises not to hold or hug Grindia anymore, because he forgets he's not in bed with his wife. Grindia explains that the event was "really comprising [sic]," and that she feels like "such trash" today. She should feel like trash for lots of reasons, but not because Ted inappropriately came on to her. If he did. And I'm not getting in the middle of that one. Ted also thinks she shouldn't feel like trash because he wasn't in his "total mind" when he tried to "start something" with her. He apologizes if he's offended her, because it wasn't done maliciously. Grindia tears up as she reveals that it's happened to her before; she's been raped. He says -- with bizarre excitement in his voice -- "Did it really? Honestly? Were you really? Get outta here!" He apologizes again (but not for his weird response), and the Grindia tells him that people accused her of bringing it on herself. She feared that Ted would pretend that the incident the night before didn't happen, and he explains that he intended to talk to her later but hadn't yet had the opportunity. Grindia is glad Ted apologized, and says she feels much better. When Ted asks for forgiveness, she smilingly bestows it upon him, along with a hug and kiss. She calls him a "good person," and he tells her that she doesn't have to worry about it happening again. But if he really can't control himself while he's asleep, it seems like a difficult promise to make. As they walk away from the exchange, Ted voice-overs that Chuay Gahn has always been a family and will continue to be one. Despite the incident, he thinks they can pull together as a tribe. Now we join the rest of the tribe as they maneuver through a series of wacky stretches. Jan does shoulder rolls and Brian strikes Karate Kid-type poses. Clay -- who appears to be trying to increase his bust -- says, "We got some ass-kickin' to do!" Then it's a good thing his two-year-old is not around. You'll see what I mean later.
A racing sky brings us to a giant "X" in the water. Peachy welcomes the tribes to the challenge, and states that, as recently as the 1960s, the island was ruled by pirates who would "rob and steal" from passing boats. Aren't "rob" and "steal" synonymous? And what else would pirates do, anyway? Bake cookies and roller-skate? Peachy explains that the pirate theme ties in with the day's challenge: a race along the "X"-shaped bamboo course. Each tribe has a boat full of stocked baskets and boxes at either end of the course. Their goal is to "rob or steal" (again, that "rob" or "steal" thing) ten items from the other tribe's boat into their own, carrying one item at a time, with only two members from each tribe on the course. If they fall off, the item is lost and they have to start over again. At the center of the course is an "attack zone" wherein the S14 can "engage contact" with another player. Good stuff! They can try to push each other off the course and into the water-- and Peachy says this explicitly -- but only if both players are within the black area at the center of the course. If a player engages contact from outside the attack zone, then his/her item is turned over to the other team, and the offending player is kicked out of the game. Peachy asks if they want to see the reward, and hails a motorboat. The S14 get very excited, most likely because they think they're about to win the boat. But what they'll win is even better: twenty-four hours with two "Red Berets," members of the region's "high Special Forces" who are experts at living off the land. According to Peachy, the Red Berets can help the winning tribe improve their shelter, fix their boat, or "source every bit of edible food in [their] camp." They can also be used to wipe the tribe member's asses, and as fresh meat in nightly games of "I Never."
Sook Jai decides to sit out Jake and Erin; then Peachy starts them off, and the competitors begin tiptoeing along the bamboo posts. Clay is so sprightly, and is clearly fitter then he appears. Ted is the first to fall -- more flop than fall, truth be told -- and Peachy urges him back to the start. Clay then falls directly onto Ted. Brian tries to rescue Clay's box, but it's dead in the water, according to Peachy. Sook Jai quickly has two boxes where Chuay Gahn has none. Stephanie -- who looked pretty capable at first -- bites it. Ted -- who's probably way to large for this kind of balance challenge -- begins crawling along the posts instead. Peachy applauds his ingenuity. And suddenly, it's time for the first attack zone "showdown" between Ted and Robb. Robb taunts Ted: "Stand there and try to pump me, baby." Ted goes for Robb's legs and he flies off the post. So Robb loses his booty and has to start over again.
Peachy says, "Thataway, Penny," as she wobbles along, which is exactly what people say to girls named Penny. Clay feels up Brian for love handles as they intersect on the course. At this point, it's 5-3 with Sook Jai in the lead, and Shii Devil approaches the attack zone opposite Brian. She asks her tribe, "You want me to push him in?" and Ken and the others yell at her to "Rush him!" and "Bring him in the water with you!" They do not, however, yell "Sweep the leg," and Brian fails to assume Ralph Macchio stance. Shii Ann looks concerned and hunches into a visibly half-hearted attack position before Brian easily tosses her in the drink. Robb is pissed off, which is ironic since he's the only other member of the tribe to have been bested thus far.
The game continues along until Sook Jai has seven baskets while Chuay Gahn has only four. Brian and Ken come up against each other in the zone, and Ken takes him out. Is anyone playing for Chuay Gahn at this point besides Ted and Brian? Ken then remains near the zone while Helen charges him. She pretty much bounces off him into the water, but it's declared a victory for Chuay Gahn by Peachy, because Ken wasn't in the zone when the initial contact was made, even though it appeared that Helen ran into him. So, Ken's out of the game, and the other tribe gets a Sook Jai basket, bringing the score to 7-5. Robb achieves non-nudity related pixelation by flipping off the other tribe, and then Peachy warns them not to "get too cute in that attack zone."
Robb and Clay face off . Robb stands just outside the zone, and as Clay attempts to maneuver around him, Robb busts out the chokehold. Seriously, there's no better word for what he's doing than "strangulation." Clay makes surprised gagging noises until Robb carelessly shoves him off the bamboo. And is this Survivor, or Springervivor? This moment, incidentally, is so priceless, it merited slow-motion camera work, not to mention repeated VCR play in the case of one particular recapper. Peachy emphatically yells, "No, no, no!" during the throttling, but Robb ignores him, caught in the kill. Clay's team doesn't appear to be worried about him, but they are concerned that Robb wasn't properly positioned. Peachy tries to maintain his Peachy cool, but sounds astonished as he says, "Robb, you were not in the attack zone when you...grabbed Clay around the throat." Clay surfaces looking confused, and Robb gets kicked out, but not before another Sook Jai basket gets bounced to the other tribe. Robb swims off muttering, "Bunch of little whiny babies!" and the score is tied 6-6. Peachy admonishes Sook Jai for "self-destructing," and really -- talk about losing a challenge.
Thus begins a stream of hysterical calamities occurring in the attack zone. Peachy, at this point, just wants them to hurry up and be done with it, since he does not want his name or pretty face attached to the lawsuit. Stephanie (up against Ted) runs, takes a flying leap, and lands in straddle position on the bamboo in the zone. Ted handily pushes her off, and from the water she grabs his ankles and pulls him in. Her team cheers as Peachy yells, "Stephanie! What are you doing? You were in the water -- you weren't even close to the attack zone!" She doesn't answer, and swims off. So that's one more penalty, and Chuay Gahn takes the lead with seven baskets to Sook Jai's five.
Ted's now up against Shii Devil, and makes a point of being sure to be "in the zone." They go at it from their knees this time, as the members of Sook Jai yell again for Shii Devil to grab hold of Ted and jump on his back. She looks distraught, because as a Human Resources specialist she's used to handling conflict in a different way. They finally go for each other, and Shii Devil ends up in the water, where she repeats exactly what Stephanie did, but without the same success -- or lack thereof, so she doesn't get yelled at.
It appears now that Ted has decided to squat in the attack zone and await further misguided attacks from Sook Jai. Brian bypasses Ted in the zone as Jed leaves his tribe's starting point. He runs directly for Brian -- who had moments ago passed Ted in the zone and is thus far beyond it -- and rams into Brian, knocking him off. Grindia yells, "He's not in it. He was not in it!" surprisingly choosing under- over overstatement for once. Peachy is now extraordinarily irritated and unPeachy-like as he yells at moronic Jed and complains that they're making Peachy sound like a "broken record." Peachy sounds like a broken record every week what with the "sixteen strangers" and the "fire represents life on the island," and the "once the votes are tallied," but he's never minded before. In any case, Chuay Gahn is now one basket away from victory. Grindia appears to be on her knees barking at Clay as he dances toward the finish line. Meanwhile, Ted is crawling along the bamboo. Backwards. Penny tries to attack Clay from behind as he exits the zone, and that's the one time they should have tried to get away with playing dirty, since the tribe had nothing to lose. But girls named Penny don't play dirty, so that's that. Chuay Gahn wins, and Clay's painfully erect, silhouetted nipples scar me for life. The Red Berets float over and Clay yells "Fish! Fish!" as he pats his stomach. Grindia grabs Clay for a kiss, then Ted. The moment is grinding-free.
The members of Sook Jai walk back to camp looking bothered and, in Penny's case, bloody. In an interview, Robb whines that he doesn't mind being beaten, but he's bitter because they got "chomped." He complains that he only had to put his hands out to knock Clay off. If "out" means "around Clay's neck." He calls Clay a "weak little whiny punk" and then scornfully mutters, "Backwoods hick!" He wants to know whether the others heard Clay, and makes a series of yodeling Muppet noises to imitate the sounds Clay made while Robb strangled him. Robb says it made him want to spit in Clay's face. In an interview, Shii Devil says that "Robb, idiot that he is," talks too much and has no time for logical thought because his mouth is always "flapping." Robb proclaims the tribe "ape strong," but he may mean "eight strong." He goes on to say Sook Jai will kick ass in the immunity challenge, which is what matters. He insists that he's not a sore loser because Sook Jai didn't lose to a better team; it lost by "a bunch of rules." In the end, he doesn't give a shit, because he "got a good shot on homeboy from the backwoods. And big Teddy wasn't so big!" Ken looks at Robb and smiles, but it's more "he's crazy and I'd better smile before he tries to choke me too" than "ha ha he's so funny." The Robb segment continues as he tells us that he was disappointed by the Red Beret reward, even though he knows they could have been helpful. He drools -- really, he does -- as he says, "I was hoping they'd bring like a big turkey or sumpin'. Sumpin'!" Robb's enough turkey -- or turkeyy as the case may be -- to go around. ["I am convinced that Robb was grown in a lab for the express purpose of starring in a reality show. He's as moronic as he is despicable, yet he's reasonably telegenic." -- Wing Chun]
Back at Chuay Gahn, they're excited for the arrival of the Red Berets; Ted brags that he knew, before going to Thailand, that they were the equivalent of the U.S.'s Green Berets, so he's sure they'll be helpful. The Red Berets immediately get to work, eating bark off the trees and whatnot. The tribe follows suit. As they work together, Clay tells us that they thought they had nothing to eat, but that the Red Berets showed them a lot. He exclaims, "I'm gon' tell you what. These guys are sharp!" Too sharp, anyway, to admit on national television that they beat their children. That, again, later. Helen swears to God that the Red Berets can make anything with their knives and bamboo. Chop, chop, split, split, mash. Helen says it's "Thai cooking like she's never seen before," and that if the Red Berets can eat it, so can the tribe. Brian tells us that there's a "genuine feeling of niceness" among the group, because they're all comfortable with each other. He drinks from a little trough, winks, and says, "Ah, ooh, now that's good. Good. Good. Not bad. Very good. Thank you." Seriously. He explains that when the tribe loses its "genuinity [sic]," problems will result. We know where this is leading: directly to a loss of said genuinity.
Grindia tells Jan (who is having some problems keeping her suit on her ass) and Helen, "I wanna tell you something else." What she wants to tell them is that the night, Ted was "on [her]" while she was sleeping. Helen "right"s and "mm hmm"s as Grindia tries to explain despite the constant interrupting affirmations. They agree that it wasn't "cool." Grindia talks again about feeling like a "piece of trash"; she thinks she needs to stick with the women. In an interview, she explains that she accepted Ted's apology to his face, but retrospectively decided that his excuse was "a little bit disingenuous...a lot disingenuous." She repeats that when Ted asks if he could hold her, she agreed because it comforted her. Helen thinks Grindia went along with the uncomfortable snuggling because she didn't want to admit she couldn't handle the situation because "it makes you look bad." That's so Helen. Grindia says in an interview that she started telling the others because she felt they should know. She also admits to being "a little hard on [Ted]" in retelling the story to the others. We then see her telling Helen that Ted was biting her -- "like sexy biting" -- while Jan looks on, confused. Grindia complains that Ted's wife just had a baby, and that he was still "bumpin' all up in [Grindia's] ass." In an interview, Grindia says that every part of the story was true, and that she only left out the part when he apologized. Because that's not relevant or anything.
Close-up of a fiddling crab on the beach. The crab appears to be making perfect little balls out of the sand. The camera then pulls back to reveal a big pile of perfect little sandballs, and back further to reveal a whole host of crabs making mountains of perfect little sandballs. It's curious, in a disgusting sort of way, so if you know what that's all about, drop me an email. Then the first crab gets sucked -- perfect little sandball-less -- into a hole. The Sook Jai tribe sleeps blissfully, so we know they're in for some trouble. Jed tells us that he had "delegated [his] duties" prior to his "little nap," but that when he awoke, there was no "fishnet to be found." He and Robb look for it as Jed tells us that whoever was responsible "just didn't delegate off duties" and let it drift away. He's kind of obsessed with the whole duty delegation thing. In an overexcited interview, Robb explains that they thought leaving the net out would enable them to catch more fish, and that he blames the "damn net" for floating away. Robb would clearly be the first of the S16 to go all Alive out there. He's just looking for an excuse, really. Erin bounces around the camp, and she is so getting a centerfold. The girls return to camp talking about food, and Jake is there to share the "great news." The girls are dismayed, and in an interview Shii Devil tells us that "those boys" took the net out and said, "We're gonna leave it out in the ocean for hours and hours!" She tells us that the fishing net "went bye-bye" because Jed was "unwilling to get up" from his nap. As Jed and Robb continue to search for the net, the camera pulls back and reveals the net floating just beyond where they stand. Hee. The cameramen must have been trying very hard not to laugh.
We return to Chuay Gahn, where the sage Red Berets continue in their plight of attempting to share wisdom with the tribe. Helen tells us that it's the first day she's realized she's playing a game. She knows it sounds silly, but so far she's just been concentrating on surviving. And on wearing fetching floral crowns, of course. She says she lost sight of the fact that there's a psychological game going on, so she was blown away by the Ted/Grindia drama. Helen stands all up in Brian's face as she claims that the incident was serious, and explains, "That's why she's been depressed lately." Helen says it got "pretty bad," and they agree that they both slept through the entire thing. Brian finds it "highly depressing," and Helen's upset because "the person [she] thought [she] was dealin' with is absolutely not the person [she is] dealin' with." Brian rubs his face and makes whistling noises in response. Helen eloquently concludes, "So, I just don't think that's cool." Helen informs Brian that the three women are going to "take [Ted] out" at the Tribal Council. In an interview, Brian tells us that he was surprised by the problem; he's "highly disappointed." Brian appears to be a big fan of the adverb "highly." He claims he doesn't know what was and was not happening, but that he wants to hear both sides of the story. He concludes the conversation by asking for some time to "digest" it. And as if he really needed her approval, Helen proclaims, "That's fine." He struts away mumbling, "Oh, boy."
As Brian and Ted approach the surf, Ted rambles on about the soup-making abilities of the Green Berets and oh my sweet Lord what is Brian wearing? They're like boxer briefs, but in black, shiny materials. I think it's a boycut bikini bottom. For the ladies. In a voice-over, Brian tells us that listening is an important skill. Even when emotions are high and when you're hungry and hot "as heck," he says you need to remember to "keep that character cool. Like Cool Hand Luke. Just keep it cool." Except he says it all smooth and "keepitcool." Ted tells Brian it's a "long story," which sounds like an admission of guilt to me, but whatever. It's just like that episode of where that crazy girl Laura Kingman accuses Steve Sanders of raping her, and you don't know she's crazy yet, and you see both sides of the story, and you never really know what happened between the two of them and then later she tries to hang herself from the rafters during Brenda's starring negligee-clad moment as Maggie in the University of California's production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof under the direction of acclaimed British director and famous ladies man Roy Randolph, and Steve Sanders later knocks up Janet -- who's way too good for him, by the way -- and marries her to the immense consternation of her stern yet devoted parents, and yes, Donna Martin is an angel. In any case, Ted claims to be a "man of his word," and admits that a mistake happened, which he rectified. Brian clarifies, "Nothing happened, right?" and Ted says, "Nothing at all," which is all Brian needs to hear. In an interview, Brian explains (if "explains" is really the word), "Ted told me nothing happened. Which, he was denying anything happened. Which is fine. Because nothing did happen." Brian thinks there might have been a "hand here, or a [sic] ankle here, or a [sic] earlobe here. Something as simple as that. Case closed." It's kind of like a kinky version of "Old McDonald," if you think about it: "Old Mark Burnett had a show. Oh wee oh wee oh. And on that show he had some nuts. Oh wee oh wee oh. With an ankle here and an earlobe there. Here an ankle there an earlobe. Everywhere an ankle, earlobe." So maybe I need to stop watching the videos with the kids where I volunteer.
After Brian debriefs Ted, Helen wants to know whose side Brian's "getting." Brian claims it's "more denial." What he doesn't realize, however, is that Helen will run back to Grindia and repeat everything Brian said Ted said. On hearing the news, Grindia angrily laughs and begins brandishing a knife, which Helen tries to take from her. Grindia says, and I kid you not, "I wanna just punch his ass in the eye." And could there be any better lines in this episode? Helen further incites Grindia by saying, "I guess it was a figment of your imagination." As Grindia stomps off the beach, Helen says, "Ghandia, I wouldn't..." except Helen totally wants her to do whatever it is that she "wouldn't."
A pissed-off, ass-eye-punching Grindia voice-overs that when Helen told her Ted had said nothing happened despite the fact that "something did happen," it really set her off. But then again, puppies and popcorn and porcelain figurines probably set Grindia off, as well. She walks to the edge of the beach and lets out a primal scream, which causes all of the other tribe members to stop what they're doing -- wherever they are -- and exchange looks. It's like that typical sitcom moment when some overwrought character screams and the camera pans out to show the room, then the city, then the world while the scream echoes throughout. No one goes running to help, though, and Clay says, "It's just a crazy lady." Helen scratches her boobs and tries to look innocently surprised. , we see Grindia punching a tree's ass in the eye. Clay tells us in an interview that this was Grindia's most childish behavior yet. He says, "Ghandia's gonna go down the beach and cry and holler and carry on. My two-year-old did that one time and I whupped its ass and put it back in bed." Aside from the whole whupping thing, "its" ass? Now Grindia attempts to punch the ocean's ass in the eye by hurling rocks at in and yelling things like, "Cheat!" and "Liar!" and "Butt-crack showin' every damn day!" Meanwhile, the Red Berets continue to chop things, and Brian tells them not to bother trying to understand the camp's bullshit. The Red Berets ignore him. Grindia then tries to punch a piece of bamboo's ass in the eye, while calling it a "lying piece of shit." One of the Red Berets may be female -- the jury's still out on that one. Ted tells us that Grindia made a big issue out of a small issue that could have been handled in a "very professional, one-on-one manner, " which is an ironic word choice. Instead, he claims she has "exploded it" into an issue that goes beyond him and the game. She's gone all last-season Willow on the tribe.
Ted and Grindia agree that they need to have an immediate discussion among the group. Ted gathers the tribe, because he's tired of the rumors and confusion. He explains again that when he awoke, "from some crazy reason in that position, I started grinding, um, Ghandia." Grinding Ghandia sounds like a great title for an indie flick. He says he -- would it be "ground"? -- her two or three times and then woke up and realized, "This isn't my wife." He tells the tribe that they discussed the incident, and he apologized. He says the meeting was "sparked" because Grindia claimed he was denying it. She blames Helen, and Ted responds, "I did not deny shit," and, "Well that's what you get for listening to other people." Grindia puts forth an "issue of clarification." If Ted knew he was making a mistake, why did he bite and kiss her shoulder, and rub her hair? He argues that he didn't, and she exclaims, "You was [sic] massaging my head!" She announces that she felt like he "was tryin' to get with [him]...for real." He says he doesn't need to get with her, and that he's not attracted to her. Grindia looks flummoxed -- which may be because she's astonished that he would go that low, or more likely because how could he not be attracted to her -- what with the sparkling personality and all. He then claims, after doing some figures in his head, that he's "150 to 200% percent" happy with the "wife that [he has]." And I'm sure she's delighted to hear that. He says, of his wife and daughter, "That's my fuckin' love!" After taking a deep breath, Grindia says she just wants him to be honest. She questions again whether he remembers the "love bites" and kisses, and says that she found his excuse disingenuous. He asks why she claimed to appreciate his honesty after the apology, using the word "disingenuous" incorrectly in the process. He says that if she didn't believe him, she should have questioned the apology immediately. Grindia responds that it's now "out on the table," and that they all understand what happened, and I obviously missed something. What with the hysterical laughter and all. Grindia and Ted suddenly agree that the problem has been resolved, and that they'll just go on from here. Grindia says it's "off" and over; Clay wants to go fishing. Ted apologizes to everyone for biting Grindia in the neck, and Brian proclaims it a new day. In an interview, Ted tells us that "drama is the cancer of any team," and that if it had continued, then the tribe would have been fractured. Mixed metaphor anyone? Judging by week's previews, the drama appears to metastasize. Ted thinks they put a "Band-Aid" on the problem..."for now." Then it's time for the Red Berets to leave, and enter a Mark Burnett-sponsored counseling program regarding their newly acquired post-traumatic shock disorder.
Crabs scuttle, but don't make any little sandballs. A "gong!" brings us to Sook Jai, where Jake and Shii Devil retrieve a miniature gazebo-like figure from the treemail. The clue is about thinking and planning and moving and building, with a "golden spire" thrown in for poetic measure. Erin tells us that they initially didn't think they could have a stronger team, but now the majority of the group doesn't care if they win or lose. She says, "We're ready to get rid of some people." Tell me about it.
At the challenge, Peachy takes the idol away from poor widdle PennyWenny. He explains that today's challenge is called "Temple Transfer" (oh, why do they name these things?); he says it's simple in its concept, but harder than it looks. It's a logic puzzle -- and I thought last week's challenge was the blind leading the blind. Each tribe has a temple comprised of six pieces. There are three platforms; the tribe must transfer their temple from Platform One to Platform Three using all three platforms. They can only move one piece at a time, and a larger piece can never be on a smaller piece. He says that it will take their "collective brain power" to solve the puzzle, which is an oxymoron. Ken will sit out for Sook Jai, and so will Penny, who's sad because someone took her dolly away.
The tribes are off and running, and it's Chuay Gahn's challenge from the start as Sook Jai knocks their temple off the platform and never quite recovers. Chuay Gahn works together, and doesn't appear to have any difficulties. It's a pretty common team-building puzzle (I saw it on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge just last season) so maybe they've done it before. Jan, for one, looks suspiciously capable. The members of Sook Jai stand around looking confused while Jed dispenses orders and flails around. Peachy points out that Chuay Gahn is making good progress, and although Sook Jai is yelling at themselves not to give up, clearly they have, since they're now taking instructions from Robb. As Chuay Gahn finishes, Robb mutters, "Bitches," under his breath, and for once he's not entirely off the mark. Ted thanks God -- because we've missed that so much this season -- and then the rest of the tribe joins in a chant. It sounds an awful lot like Clay is yelling "Need some rain! Need some rain!" As Peachy hands over the idol, he tells Chuay Gahn to "get a little feel of this for a change." As opposed to getting a "little feel of Grindia."
A bug hangs on the back of a leaf. Another strange-looking bug hangs out. Shii Devil brags in an interview that the logic puzzle was "so easy" that she could have done it in her sleep. Except the challenge was to do it while awake, and that threw her a bit. Actually, she says that neither she nor Jake bothered to step in. Robb says, "Bless her heart, dude. But Shii Ann just gets on my nerves!" In an interview, he says that the rest of the tribe has decided that Shii Devil is their weakest member. ["And by 'the rest of the tribe,' he means Stephanie and Jed, the only two members that can abide his company longer than five minutes." -- Wing Chun] He continues, "Poor girl just doesn't click," because it seems like she's trying too hard. Robb tells Ken that he thinks Shii Devil is a "good girl," but that she's also the weakest. In a spliced-in confessional, Ken says that they have "some lazies, "and some who hide it better than others. He complains that it's not that Jed's not valuable, he's just lazy. Ken then responds to Robb exactly the same: Jed's lazy, and it's pissed people off. He tells us of Jed, "It's different to be just lazy and not help us, but he's lazy and hurtin' us." Hee. Robb preens into his sunglass lenses and admires his tongue ring. Erin tells us that, with so many environmental factors working against them, they need unity. She says that certain people are a detriment, and that she'd rather just "get rid of them."
As the tribe arrives at Council, Peachy explains the ritual of the first visit: fire represents life, and when your fire's gone, so are you. He promises that those remaining post-Council will get to keep their torches for future extinguishing at Tribal Councils. Except not that explicitly. Peachy wants to "get right to it," because he hasn't had the opportunity to get to know them yet. Well, he knows they don't fight fair, but he doesn't say that here. Shii Devil was surprised by the lack of food and shelter -- she was shocked by the lack of help. Peachy wants to know whether Jed expects food, and he says he doesn't expect anything. He thinks they'll live on snails for a week or two and then "drop like flies, probably." Peachy asks what specific role Robb plays in the tribe, and he does not answer "Sook Jai Psycho." Instead, he calls himself a "happy-go-lucky kid" and insists that he's trying to "apply himself everywhere" and stay happy. He's drained because he's used to eating, and he's a "high-energy guy" accustomed to "bouc[ing] off the walls." Peachy wants to know whether the lack of food will be ultimately be divisive, and Stephanie says it's already affected her. She takes a jab at the fatties and skinnies in the tribe by claiming that the fittest people will suffer first because they require the calories that their bodies are accustomed to burning; she thinks fit people tend to "sink faster." She says they're grumpier, and that it could get bad. Peachy says it's never fun to vote someone out no matter what, but I don't think that's always true. He calls out Jake for having selected the tribe. Jake hates to vote because he loves them all, but he'll take the "strategic approach" and just "mosey over and vote."
Shii Devil's the first to go; we don't see her vote, but we do see her funky little head wobble as she places the lid on the urn and gives the camera a funny look. Ken votes for Jed, with the assertion that if he did half the chores he tries to delegate, it wouldn't be happening. Robb votes for Shii Devil because they never clicked and she gets on his nerves. He calls her a sweetheart and says, "Catch ya on the flip side, baby." And that's all we see. Gong!
Peachy returns from the tallying with a newly acquired lightness of step. The votes: Jed; Jed, with an accompanying Penny-wise happy face; Shii Ann; "Shi"; "S.A." -- not even an attempt to spell it; Jed; "Dr. Jed"; and finally, Jed. So Jed it is; he very slowly brings Peachy his torch while Shii Devil doesn't even try to disguise her grin. Penny looks concerned; Stephanie, more so. Jake appears to fall asleep.
week on Survivor the tribes get new members: dummies. They fit right in. Then Grindia promises to "shut that shit down." Most likely, she intends to pinch that shit's ass in the eye.
As the credits roll, Jed tells us he didn't see the ouster coming. He hopes the other members of the tribe will step back and enjoy Thailand, as well as the "awesomeness of the experience." We see that Erin, Penny, Jake, Ken, and Shii Devil (the "Dr. Jed" vote) voted for Jed. Jed voted for "Shii Ann;" Stephanie for "Shii," leaving Robb with the "S.A." vote. We don't actually see Robb's vote, though, because in his credits clip, he's still struggling with the two challenging letters. Also, Jed reveals that he thinks he got voted out because he's a threat, or because he rubbed people the wrong way. But to be clear -- not in the same wrong way that Ted rubs people.