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Last week on Survivor, Sean sang about a brand new day; Vecepia knew the song, and Kathy pretended to. Zoe didn't like Tammy; Tammy didn't like Zoe, either, so that worked out okay. Paschal and Sean won a Marquesan feast, and Layla was pretty, but too young for Sean. Then, they smuggled some food back for the other members of Soliantu, and Tammy won immunity. Finally, Zoe got voted out and talked about herself in the third person. Seven are left. Who will be voted out tonight?
Also last week, I forgot to turn off my VCR after setting the tape, and thus returned home to an old episode of Alias instead of the May 2 episode of Survivor. Any Alias is good, but it doesn't write the recap, so profound thanks to all those from the forums who so quickly offered to send the tape, and to Anne in Baltimore, who came through with the copy I used. I'm honored to stand before you today, and to call myself your recapper. This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for every nameless, faceless recapper who now has a chance to recap because the door tonight has been opened. And with that, I give you...
Soliantu Day 28. The clouds race over the ocean. The clouds race over the peaks. The clouds race over a tiki. Now bring back my tiki to me.
Paschal and Tammy discuss the fact that there are only eleven days left; Paschal calls Tammy "sweetheart." They discuss the cold weather; then Tammy yawns, and her eyes roll back in head. Robert appears to have a new outfit, which includes a black cardigan sweater. I wouldn't have pegged him as the black cardigan sweater type, so now I'm left to wonder when he'll bust out white socks rolled up to his knees. Sean complains that he can't sleep, and Kathy says "lumpy" several times. Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy. It's not that fun to say. Then, they all say "lumpy," so maybe I'm missing the joy in it. Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy. Not quite there yet.
Sean and Paschal hug, because friends who hula together stay together. But friends don't let friend hula drunk, either. Not on a stage, anyway. In a confessional, Sean tells us that the Soliantu tribe is like one big family. He says, "We spoon, we snuggle...but it's strictly for keeping warm." He adds that the idea of the "love tribe" has been a "fallacy." He insists that they can call themselves a "love tribe" when the game is over, but in the meantime, he wonders, "Like, will you really call me? Will I really call you?" Everyone hugs everyone else in a hug-happy montage. Sean tells us that certain people in the group are genuinely affectionate and feel "family vibes," but, he muses, "in the context of a game when people are tryin' to position themselves, can a love tribe truly exist?" And if a tree falls in the forest and there's no perceiver, does it make a sound? And more importantly, if a tree falls in the forest, can it please, please, please fall on Kathy?
“ Paschal tells us he feels like a 'used spark plug.' I don't know why, but that sounds grosser than it should. ”
Now we join Vecepia as she carries branches. Paschal points out -- and maybe he should have a conversation with my boss (not you, Wing Chun!) -- that she shouldn't be working on her birthday. Kathy can't believe that it's Vecepia's birthday, but more likely she can't believe that Vecepia had the audacity to have a birthday without first informing Kathy of it. Kathy jokingly asks whether Vecepia is twenty or twenty-one. Actually, she's thirty-six. I didn't fall for the "twenty or twenty-one" bit, but she is very youthful-looking. The tribe prepares a birthday feast of two fat slices of banana, and a thin slice of mango, on a green leaf. It's very Martha Stewart-esque in its presentation. Neleh tells us that in celebration of Vecepia's birthday they ate the last of the fruits, made a candle, and sang. She says they knew it would be the best meal of the day, and thinks that's terribly funny for some reason. Vecepia tells the others that if she can't be home with her family, then being with her Soliantu tribemates is the best thing. Sean snuggles up to her, and Paschal thinks Vecepia's sweet for that sentiment. In a confessional, Sean tells us that Vecepia's birthday was "subdued," but that he tried to make her feel special. He says that she wasn't with her husband and family, which is weird, because according to the CBS website -- not to mention her wedding registry, (which can be found online, but I'm not saying where, because even though Vecepia fans might like to send gifts, who knows what Vecepia non-fans would like to send?) -- Vecepia is engaged but not yet married. Wouldn't you expect Sean to know that? Now sad music plays, and Vecepia, appropriately, looks sad.
The S7 recline as Paschal tells us he feels like a "used spark plug." I don't know why, but that sounds grosser than it should. He says that the situation has been most difficult for him in terms of their food and energy levels, which we can see for ourselves, since he can't even manage to pull himself into a sitting position for the confessional. Sean explains that they've had little choice for their "dinner, lunch, and breakfast menus" lately. Tammy tells us that they've unsuccessfully tried to catch food, but that the tribe's energy has waned, and that the chances of catching anything have diminished. Kathy disagrees, though, and we join her standing in ankle-deep water with a self-made nightstick waiting gleefully to club a baby fish or two. A little fin appears, as Kathy explains that there are black-tipped baby sharks right there in their "front yard." She's determined to get one, because they swim right under her feet, and thinks she can "whack it" because they come so close. She points out their little fins "popping" out of the water, but insists that there's too much "wave action" to see them. Kathy reveals that the baby sharks, which would be a great source of food, are "taunting" the tribe. A school of baby sharks swim by sing-songing, "You can't catch us! Nanny, nanny boo boo!"
We rejoin the group, and Tammy says she'd give anything for the reward in today's challenge to be food. Isn't the reward always food? I guess it could be a visit from home, but even that -- this far along in the game -- comes accompanied by at least a Mountain Dew or Snickers bar. Paschal never thought he could feel the inside of his ribs, but now he can. Neleh channels Jerri and starts moaning about chocolate; she wants Oreos, with "Twix or Snickers ice cream" on top, which is a very specific request. Like, if she just got Oreos, or if the Oreos came with chocolate chip ice cream on top instead of Twix or Snickers, would she be disappointed? The tribe discusses how they plan to inhale the reward food, and Sean says, "Snickers, smores." At this point I refuse to believe that they haven't been coached to mention Snickers, since it's a sponsor, and since there are about forty-five other kinds of candy bars out there, yet Snickers is the only one they bother to talk about. Personally, I'd be all about the Baby Ruth. Now the topic turns to caramel and hot fudge sundaes, and Tammy and Neleh clutch at each other and shriek at how good it sounds.
Back to Kathy, who is now swimming while holding what looks like a little mesh bag. In a voice-over, she says that the "sugar food fantasies" are bad and make everyone lethargic. She thinks they could spend their time better by looking for food instead of thinking and talking about it. She realizes that it's fun, but the diversion is "wrong" and unhealthy. Kathy's trying to get different types of food for the tribe, and that's a better diversion than "sittin' around talkin' about sweets." She scratches herself and sneers at the camera.
Now Sean lies in a pile of hay with his buff pulled completely over his face. He looks remarkably like a scarecrow. He tells the others that he's "hanging onto a thread." When Vecepia asks what he's talking about, he responds that he's incapable of doing anything right now, and is just trying to hold on. Paschal then pulls a Claire Danes and says that Marquesas is "without a doubt the worst place [he has] ever been on earth." He says it's been a constant battle of "dirt, filth, heat, sand, wind, [and] insects"; this is accompanied by corresponding shots of dirt, filth, heat, sand, wind, and insects. He concludes that "everything about it is nasty, dirty, filthy," and "it's just pure hell!" But please, Paschal, tell us how you really feel. Paschal's name, incidentally, was just crossed off the Marquesas Board of Tourism's short list for its spokesperson.
As Vecepia and Sean head off to check the mail, Sean jokes about whether his check has arrived yet. Sean, for once, doesn't wait for the others, and starts reading the clue. We'll hear it in its entirety in a few minutes, so don't think you've been spared. Vecepia wants to know if there's anything else in the mail, and Sean says there is. He reaches in, pulls out a fist, opens it, and blows it toward Vecepia, saying it's a "birthday wish, baby." Aw. He then calls her over to sing "Happy Birthday," standing inches from her face. I wouldn't enjoy that -- particularly given that they've both been out there for twenty-nine days without a toothbrush in sight. As he hams it up, he says, "And I don't even sing," but clearly he thinks he can. Sean commiserates with Vecepia about how bad she feels being away from home, and says he wants to let her know that he loves her. They hug, and she starts crying. In a confessional, she tells us that no one likes to be away from loved ones on their birthday, and that it was tough. She says she hadn't thought too much about being away from Leander, and that it was special, but sad as well. "Leander" is a great name, and there just aren't enough Leanders in this world. In any case, Vecepia's raving about being away from family seems to suggest that the "visit from home" reward challenge is forthcoming. Vecepia then ruins her bonding moment with Sean by claiming, "We're here, and we are going to do this" because "God is with us, each and every day." God is with them helping them to win reward challenges and $1 million dollars? Maybe I need to find their God.
“ Sean tells us that he can swim a short distance to save his life, but that he's not comfortable in lots of water. Kathy instructs him that the worst thing he could do is be 'over-anxious' or 'over-zealous,' which is just another way of saying that the worst thing he can do is 'win.' ”
Sean and Vecepia head back to camp shrieking about the treemail. Vecepia announces that somebody might actually get a shower, and then they read the clue together:
Should we just give you treasures?
I wouldn't hold your breath
You're about to hit rock bottom
If you're faster than the rest
The style of the rich and famous
Pampered like a king
Hot showers, clean clothes, great food
That's what victory brings."
The standard ooohing, aaahing, and speculation follow; Kathy needs to handle the clue personally. The S7 work together to deduce that the challenge will involve water. Smarties. Sean tells us that he can swim a short distance to save his life, but that he's not comfortable in lots of water. Kathy instructs him that the worst thing he could do is be "over-anxious" or "over-zealous," which is just another way of saying that the worst thing he can do is "win." Kathy wants Sean to be calm. (And "lose.") She does not, however, offer diving instructions, which would have been fun. Sean says that it will be tough no matter what, and Robert wistfully says that he'd like to win something. Sean points out that they are all on their last legs. Actually, he says last "leg," but since they all have their own legs and are not sharing one big, giant leg, that's not quite grammatically correct.
A colored grid floats out in the water, and we see shots of yellow rocks on the ocean floor. Peachy greets the S7 and calls the challenge "an island version of musical chairs." In the first round, they will all swim down at once to retrieve one of six shells -- marked by yellow rocks for visibility -- scattered along the bottom. Whoever comes back without a shell is eliminated. The S7 will repeat the process until only four of the competitors remain. At that point, the final four will "engage in" a sprint from the floating dock to the shore while carrying the yellow, forty-pound rock. Peachy says, "The first one to drop the rock at my feet wins the reward." Do they get extra points for kissing his feet once they've dropped the rock there? Peachy takes great pleasure in, once again, revealing his "personal Visa," which he will loan the winner for one night. He/she will use the Visa card to book a room on a luxury cruise ship...but why does the winner need the Visa if he/she don't get any choice as to the purchase? Shouldn't all of the rewards, then, have been collected using Peachy's Visa? Peachy dramatically says, "That cruise ship, right out there!" and they all turn around and act surprised that the big boat has suddenly materialized behind them; it blows its happy little horn in greeting. Or maybe it just blows. Anyway, Peachy says that the winner will board and check in. He "imagines" that he/she will then want to take a shower, and I suspect he imagines that in more detail for some members of the S7 than for others. The winner will also get a change of clothes -- his/her first in twenty-eight days, Peachy says, although Robert appears to be wearing new clothes today -- and a multi-course meal on one of the observation decks. The S7 are sent out to the floating grid, and Peachy explains the challenge again, in case their attention spans are really that short.