Two Peas in a Pod

Now we're back in the huddle, and Neleh is going on about how good and pure and honest she is, and how she's always been that way.

We then cut back to where Tammy sits, spitting -- clearly being neither good nor pure nor honest. She tells Robert they got screwed for trusting John. But John didn't do anything to betray them; really, they just got screwed for being too cocky. In a confessional, Tammy tells us that the members of the Rotu alliance have targets on their backs, and unless something significant changes in the few days, she'll go first because she's viewed as the alliance's new leader. Robert looks at her affectionately and says, "You then me, kid. That's the pecking order." He then leans over and brushes something off her face. Tammy, who may or may not have a clothespin on a string wrapped around her arm, responds that the game's not over yet.

In a confessional, Tammy tells us that her allegiance is to Zoe and Rob, but she doesn't know "what game Zoe is playing." We see Tammy and Rob watching Zoe, whom Tammy says "fits right into that group now." Tammy tells us that she wanted to determine the strength of their old alliance. She sits in a shallow puddle of water -- Survivors have been sitting and squatting in puddles of water since the first season, and it's always looked very uncomfortable to me -- and tells us that she told Zoe she was glad for their alliance.

Now we join their walk as Zoe responds, "Well, it was...it was a pretty loose, pretty loose friendship in my eyes." Tammy stops short and looks perplexed. She wants to know what Zoe means, and Zoe says something about the alliance having been "weak." Tammy says it's fine if that's Zoe's "game" now, but it's not what she was saying earlier.

From her wet-assed confessional Tammy tells us that Zoe said she wasn't in the Rotu alliance, but that's not true. If Zoe wants Tammy to keep her mouth shut now so she can play her game that's one thing, but Tammy would respect it more if Zoe would be straight with her. It's now Zoe's turn to stop short. She turns and says, "You want me to tell you that, from the get-go, I didn't like ya? I didn't really dig you. I didn't, like, dig the way your eyes were -- your presentation." Harsh! Tammy stands -- dumbfounded -- and then tries to laugh it off. Tammy now tells us that she's changed her true opinion of Zoe, who's "a bitch." She says that Zoe's trying to save her own butt right now, but maybe her true colors will eventually show through and she'll be voted off in Tammy's place.

We then see Zoe telling Tammy that she doesn't trust her, and Tammy explains that she doesn't trust Zoe either. Or dig her presentation, for that matter. Zoe thinks that's "cool," and that they should go fetch some shells, because that's what they're there to do. They walk off side by side, mutually not digging each other.

In a confessional, Zoe tells us that she's trying to distance herself from Tammy in the game at this point. She says she's there to win, and if she had to "say something to someone and do something exactly the opposite without them knowing or with them finding out later," then that's "just the way life is." Zoe, along with Little Orphan Annie, is clearly aware that it's a hard knock life.

We see Neleh find a big coconut with a clue; she insists that the others are "gonna be so in love" with it, whatever that means. The clue -- perhaps penned by our very own Moppet -- reads, "Hard as a rock/Neat as can be/Tough to get into as you soon will see/You're gonna pair up/But you won't know with whom/Full bellies and a party if you both can pull through." The promise of food accounts for much shouting and happiness among Soliantu.

They arrive at the challenge, and we learn they've randomly drawn lots to determine their pairings: Sean and Paschal; Tammy and Vee; Kathy and Robert; and Neleh and Zoe. You may have noticed by now that I refuse to call Robert "The General." Because it goes against everything I believe in. In any case, each team has a three-foot-tall bamboo shoot, which they are challenged to fill to the top with coconut juice. The S8 can choose to gather coconuts scattered along the beach, or swim "far out" for "large parcels of coconuts" tethered in the water. The first team to completely fill its bamboo shoot wins the reward. Peachy explains that the winners will be picked up at camp by helicopter and dropped off on top of a mountain. Here, he raises his hand -- most likely for Neleh's sake -- to show that a mountain is HIGH. He says "two horse will be waiting" to take a "really fun ride" down to an authentic "full-on" Marquesan feast. He promises that they'll return fully sated and ready for the last thirteen days. Peachy coaches the S8 to take their spots and then reminds them that they can get coconuts from the beach or water, and if I'm ever stranded on a desert island, I hope I remember to look for the large bundle of coconuts anchored fifty yards out.

The race begins and Sean really wants that prize; in fact, he's ready to both run and swim for a good meal. And he's not a bad swimmer at all, so either he's learned during the past twenty-five days, or he was pretending to be unable to swim earlier during the show. Neleh and Vee are the only competitors who decide to scope out the beach for coconuts; the others make a dash for the water, and Robert is the only one who seems to be having difficulties. In the water, anyway. On land, Neleh unsuccessfully attempts to carry five coconuts. Every time she picks one up, she drops one of the coconuts already in her arms. She ends up just kind of squatting on the beach, cradling coconuts and looking a good deal like a four-year-old. Meanwhile, Robert is now drowning. Sean and Paschal are off to a good start, which Peachy credits to a "really healthy coconut."

As the other teams progress -- or fail to progress -- Peachy is in rare form. He chides Neleh and Zoe with, "You guys are dry, what's up?" and then tells Kathy, "You guys need to pick it up!" He encourages the tribes to keep working, and then sounds exasperated as he yells again, "Kathy and General, you guys need to pick it up!" Zoe smashes coconuts while Neleh timidly attempts to offer some advice. Peachy walks by and tells them to keep it up because they're still in the game, which leads Neleh to conclude they've as good as won. She squeals, "We got it, Zoe!" and bustles about claiming that they're "on top of it."

We return to Sean and Paschal, where Sean is manically smashing coconuts; he orders Paschal back out to fetch more. Meanwhile, Vee and Tammy are having difficulties; Tammy yells at Vee to "check' em every once in a while." I guess some coconuts are empty of juice while some are full? You'd think that would be obvious from the way they feel, but a lot of things happen in this game that defy common sense. Peachy then announces that Vee and Tammy have fallen behind because they have a "whole lotta coconuts and no juice." Now Kathy and Robert have caught up, and Zoe and Neleh are gaining, as well. Peachy announces , "One coconut can get you right back in it!" and that "it's tight," and so they shouldn't let up. Sean again sends Paschal back out for more coconuts, and then we join Kathy as she snaps at Robert, "I don't care if it's hard, just keep going!" Hee! He got yelled at by a girl. While a dismayed and anxious Sean waits on his return, Paschal trips in the water. Kathy, meanwhile, is yelling at Robert, "You are gonna win this! This is your win! This is your win!" Obviously, she's not at all aware of the fact that if he wins, she wins too. We see Robert and Kathy open an empty coconut, and then Sean's bamboo shoot is suddenly full. They win!

He and Paschal literally jump into each others' arms, fall to the sand, and begin rolling around. They don't quite make it to the surf, so they're just rolling around in the sand, while intimately cradling each others' heads. Peachy asks, "Is this the most unlikely pair?" and Paschal responds, "The old man and the brother!" Because "black" and "old" are mutually exclusive. Or because a black person is as unlikely to win as an old person? Peachy guarantees the winners a great day tomorrow and sends them back to camp. The others -- especially Kathy -- actually look generally happy for the victors. Then, as we go to commercial, Sean tries to smooch Paschal on the lips, but Paschal turns his head, so Sean gets the cheek. Dissed!

The sun sets on Day 26. A bird soars, representing the plight and potential of the old and the black. Paschal says he's ready for his "mission," and Neleh wants a full description as soon as he gets back. As they sit together, Kathy urges the others to look at the clouds. No one answers, so she commands, "Look at the pink on the clouds!" Neleh never thought she'd be sitting there on Day 26. Neither did we. Kathy hugs Sean and advises him to have "lots of alcohol and lots of pig." Sean says he'll try, and he'll also eat slow "'cause o' [his] stomach." Kathy again insists that it will be so much fun and she's so happy for them. She gives Sean a big kiss, and then the whole tribe walks them to the arriving helicopter. Vee recaps what went down in the challenge. She says Sean was down but not out, and he particularly deserves the win "after all of the mess some of these people on the Rotu tribe put him through." She fails to include herself in the whole "these people on the Rotu tribe" grouping, even though in the "Look Closer" clips show, she owned up to being a part of them.

Paschal heads into the 'copter and Sean blows them kisses. There's a lot of kissing going on in this episode. Vee cries while Sean gives a thumbs up sign through the window. Kathy feels like they're going away, and an annoyed Tammy points out that they'll only be gone a couple hours. Kathy knows that, but insists that it's exciting anyway. She then wants the others to agree that it's exciting. It is exciting isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it, goddamnit? Do I have to be excited for the rest of you? Do I have to do everything around here?

In the helicopter, Paschal tells Sean they're going to "see this thing all the way through." Is there any reason why they might not follow through on claiming their reward?

Suddenly, they're standing on the side of a mountain and Sean yells out, "Hello!" Two men wearing orange shorts and headdresses arrive on horseback. They introduce themselves, and one's name sounds something like "Akateeny," but he's not teeny at all. Akateeny then introduces Paschal and Sean to their rides, and Sean worries, "I gotta [sic] get the wild one!" Akateeny insists that it's okay, but Sean is concerned. He tells us in a confessional, "The only horses I been on are the merry-go-rounds at Central Park." We see Sean fussing on the horse, trying to figure out where to put his feet. He then tells us that "horses are big animals," but really, it's all relative: like, a horse is a big animal to a mouse, but to an elephant? Not so much. Vaudevillian music plays as we watch Sean's various horse-riding antics. He finally decides that talking to the horse might be the best approach and says, "Nice horsey. How ya doin?'"

It looks like they've finally started riding on the trail, and there's a big commotion. The horses are turning in circles and Sean is yelling in a horrified voice, "Oh, shit! He's biting' him! Oh my God!" Akateeny (by now, both men have become "Akateeny" to me) tries to calm Sean down by holding his hand, but Sean wants off the horse. The thing we see is Sean climbing onto the back of Akateeny's horse; he wraps both arms around Akateeny's waist, and burrows his head into Akateeny's back. In an interview, Sean tells us that the last thing he wanted to see was the horses biting each other and making horse noises. He imitates said horrifying horse noises. Neigh! He tells us that the Marquesan men seemed to have the horses under control, but he was like, "No, this is not gonna work." Sean rides with his face squished into Akateeny's back. He then starts tapping on Akateeny's arm with a pained looking on his face saying, "Ma ba --", and then waits a few minutes, then says, "Ma ba --"again, then finally says, "Ma ba -- it really hurts." Even though he's in too much pain, evidently, to complete the word "balls," we determine that his balls are being squished, quite possibly under Akateeny's ass. Finally, Sean fixes the situation by adjusting himself or doing whatever it is men do when their balls are troubling them, and they ride off, with Sean still desperately clinging to Akateeny. He tells us that we have to remember that they're not on flat land, and if they fall off, "You're fallin' off a damn near mountain with a horse on you!" Hee. I don't know how much time has passed, but now Sean is on his own horse. As they ride along the trail he hysterically exclaims, "This is the kind of thing that scares me!"

In a confessional, Paschal tells us that it was a long ride for Sean, who wasn't used to horses. He says Sean loosened up and started singing "after [they] made some different arrangements." Of his balls? We hear Sean singing, "I'm chillin' on a horse with Marquesan men. Everybody knows that we wanna do it again!" Really, it's not much better than the Moppet's rapping efforts. Sean then gets excited because he hears drums. He begins screaming "Word!" and raising a fist in the air to the drum's beat. As they exit the trail and arrive at the beach, Sean yells to the waiting natives, "Marquesa forever!" They are helped from their horses -- indeed, Paschal is lifted from his -- and Sean says, "Aw, this is better than Gilligan's Island."

As a pretty woman puts a thick green lei around Sean's neck, he says, "Watchoo doin' afterwards?" And when did he become Joey Tribbiani? The girl, who is appropriately named "Layla" (as bestower of the leis, I mean) kisses both of Sean's cheeks and he squeals in response. He then says, "Hi, I'm Sean. You're very pretty. A little too young for me." Hee. In a confessional he tells us that "these two beautiful -- although young -- Marquesan women" led them to beach chairs with huge pillows and coconut drinks.