The Underdogs

Previously on Survivor, the members of Maraanu found their own food and then raided Rotwo's camp for more of the same. Peachy tells us in a voice-over that the raid caused Rotwo to become "more unified," but I think their reaction could be better described as "to become less unified, and cannibalize the idealistic Moppet in their first-ever Tribal Council." But maybe that's just me. In any case, Rob "had a message" for John (which we didn't see when the episode aired). He warned, "I know exactly what you're doin'. First chance I get, I'm gonna getcha." So Moppet lovers everywhere were heartbroken as the Rotwos proved themselves Rotools (tm elizabethann), John got a pre-kneecap-breaking warning, and eleven remain.

A full moon, racing clouds, and the waterfall find us at Rotwo on Day 16. Robert tells us that the four original Rotu members made "a little pact" to try to control the game and become the final four. They bathe at the waterfall, and Tammy jumps off a cliff with victorious arms. Robert continues explaining that the group is confident that they're in control. As they plot, John says that it's not "BS" that if they play it right, the winner will come from their group. He tells the others that he's been waiting for the tribe to lose an immunity challenge so that he could get rid of the Moppet. So basically, John was just looking for an excuse to de-Moppetize Rotwo, and all that "untrustworthy" drama was just a smokescreen. John says in a confessional that his leadership "has emerged" since they voted off the Moppet; there was "definitely a shift," and now everyone knows he's the leader and is "running the show." We see a clip of John apparently weeding around the watering hole. John tells the group to concentrate on the reward challenge; he contends that the immunity challenge is not important, since they outnumber the former Maraamus 4-3 and thus will have voting control. He wants to put their "best personnel" in the reward challenge, but first he'll need to clear that with the bureaucrats in Human Resources. Robert tells us that John has made himself "the power guy" in their "little group," and that's fine with him. He plans to sit back and relax while John "take[s] the grief" and becomes the target.

Now John stands with his arms outstretched under the waterfall while he tells us in a voice-over that this was his "new tribal baptism." That's the kind of comment that should really embarrass him when he watches this show five years from now. But then again, by the time this show wraps up, it will probably be the smallest offense in about a million ridiculous things he's said and done. In any case, John says he got "silly," and decided to go skinnydipping. He semi-moons the tribe and then turns around and fills up the front of his shorts with water. I just write it down, people; I gave up trying to make sense of it about three and a half seasons ago. John makes sure Robert knows he's going in naked; meanwhile, Zoe looks amused while Tammy just looks bored. After all, if Tammy wanted to see balls, she could just look down. Because it seems to me she's better equipped than are any of the wimpy men they've got out there. Anyway, John cannonballs naked and tells us in a voice-over that it was like washing off "all that other stuff" and starting anew. He calls it a symbolically powerful moment which demonstrated another level of their relationship; he says he wouldn't be comfortable doing a naked cannonball in front of the other members of the tribe. He doesn't appear to care whether either group is comfortable with his doing a naked cannonball in front of them.

Now we join the other members of the tribe as Rob says he hopes they win the immunity so that they can merge and align with the members of Maraanu. He concludes, "Otherwise, we're goin' out." In a confessional, he tells us, "Without a doubt, we're outnumbered 4-3." Rob tells us that they put themselves at a big disadvantage by losing the Moppet, and talks again about the 4-3 split. It doesn't seem like a difficult concept to me, but it must be, since everyone keeps repeating it. Now Rob tells Sean that Vecepia is "definitely disassociating herself from [Sean and Rob] in a real clear and obvious manner." In a confessional, he says that Vee is driving him crazy, because she's so obvious, and he doesn't trust her, and he never did, which hearkens to mind to good old days of Talking Rudy Doll, and "I don't like 'er...and I never will!" Sigh. Meanwhile, Vecepia ominously doggy-paddles along the shoreline. Despite his problems with Vecepia, Rob tells Sean that his main goal is to get rid of John; he then tells us exactly the same thing in a confessional. He concludes that if they lose the day's immunity challenge, either he or Sean will be voted off. I hope Sean and Rob don't ride this "we're the to be voted off" shtick all the way to the final two.

Now the Whimsical Music of the Elderly and Half-Witted plays as we join the Maraanu camp. Paschal tells us that the situation is more casual at Maraanu because of the availability of food. He admits that they're no physical match for Rotwo, and that they know that. They'd be morons not to know that, but I'm not 100% convinced that at least one member of this tribe is not one.

The members of Maraanu now creep around after crabs. Kathy finds one and exclaims, "Holy Mother McGrady, look at this dude!" A giant crab is trapped under a log with Gina on one side and Kathy on the other. I'd definitely head out Gina's way, but this is a crab we're dealing with, and like to like, so who knows? In any case, they take turns swatting at the crab from both sides, while it swats back. I have no idea why they don't use a sturdy stick to drag the crab out, instead of putting their fingers at risk. Kathy tells us in a confessional that she was "always concerned" that being "this small little band of women and one older gentleman" was a losing situation. Now that she's among the group, though, she knows it's about spirit, energy, and desire.

Vaudevillian music plays as the members of Maraanu continue attempting to catch crabs. (Tee. Hee.) No doubt Mark Burnett is at the other end of a ten-foot piece of string, and giving it a sharp tug every time Kathy or Paschal gets too close to a crab. Paschal talks nicely to the crabs and says things like "golly," while Kathy commits mental and physical abuse as she swats at them and calls them "booger[s]" and "boogerhead[s]." Paschal's nasty side finally comes out when he yells, "You sorry son of a gun, you!" to a crab that's clawed him. We learn that it pinched him badly, and then we see the dismembered arm of a crab with kung fu death grip on a branch. Paschal, incidentally, could use some bigger shorts. He's showing more leg than the women. Not that that's a complaint in all cases. In a confessional, Kathy tells us that they didn't eat well at Rotu because they had more tribe members and less food. She says they didn't eat breakfast or lunch -- only dinner. As Kathy and Paschal relax side by side, we see a crab very slowly attempting to escape from its basket. It's cautiously creeping sideways and then makes a quick break for it, but Kathy's too quick and catches it again. We learn that particular crab's fate -- along with the fate of a whole mess of its comrades -- lies in a pot of boiling water. The upside? The crabs can no longer hear Kathy's cackling and guffawing through the walls of the iron pot.

Paschal and Rob are doing the first leg, which is mostly running, and Paschal trips right from the start. He's so skinny and gray and desperate -- he looks like a prisoner of war, which is what my mother-in-law says of my husband when he shaves his head and grows a beard, and which has never made any sense to me since he's a very well-fed man. Anyway, it seems like a particularly cruel pairing, but as my viewing friends pointed out, Maraanu didn't have much else to go on. Zoe keeps advising Rob to "take it easy," but Rob wants him some bean salad. Rob reaches the paddle first; Paschal arrives not too long afterward. Rob unties his paddle first and takes off through the woods. I thought the two members had to stay together, but Rob is way ahead of Zoe, who he must have tagged at some point. Paschal finally finishes untying his first paddle just as Rob and Zoe reach their second. Half-witted Neleh grins as Paschal tags her and they run, because running is FUN! She then tries to take the paddle from Paschal, but he won't hand it over. Neleh reaches Maraanu's second paddle first and waits for Paschal; she then tags him because, apparently, he's it! Paschal and Neleh begin working on the paddle just as Rob and Zoe finish and take off with theirs.

Rob finds the key in an early coconut-smashing attempt; he and Zoe tag John and Robert, who quickly head for their canoe. John is all ready to paddle and then realizes that he doesn't actually have a paddle; it's still on shore in Zoe's hand. He runs back to retrieve it, and then he and Robert are back in the canoe with Neleh and Paschal still nowhere in sight. John counts off, "Ready. One, two..." as he and Robert prepare to lift the canoe into the water, but he picks up on the "two," which is definitely a sign of bad things to come. He and Robert then apparently decide to take a short cut to their flag by paddling the circumference of the island, as opposed to the more obvious straight line; seriously, first they're paddling parallel to the shore, and then they're paddling backward. Zoe looks on and asks, "Where're they goin'? Gina and Kathy, by this time, have reached their boat. John, meanwhile, snits to Robert, "Steer, steer. I'm rowing, you steer!" Miraculously, Robert does not lift his paddle and conk John over the head with it. Kathy and Gina have no such problems, and it's a straight shot to their tribe's flag. Back on shore, Neleh is excited, because winning is GOOD! Tammy, Sean, and Rob hold hands and probably pray. It's neck and neck as the teams return to shore, and Peachy keeps yelling, "Pull it to your chains! Pull it to your chains!" Gina and Kathy are out of their boat first and take off for the tiki. Suddenly, Neleh is screaming for them to get their flag, because they've left it on the boat. Kathy returns to the boat to get the flag, as John passes her with his flag, places it on his tiki, and Rotwo wins!

Except not.

Maraanu instantly begins complaining because Robert wasn't with John at the finish line. Gina points out the problem, and Kathy furiously repeats, "Rob wasn't here!" She's pissed! Peachy tells Rotwo to "hold up," because "Maraamu's protesting." It turns out that even if Robert had been there, Rotwo would still have been disqualified. Peachy explains that the canoes needed to be in reach of their chain, and demonstrates that while Maraanu's chain reaches, Rotwo's chain does not, in addition to which, "The General was not at the tiki." That sentence alone, I think, sums up the ridiculousness of this game. It sounds like a poorly translated phrase, or something you'd see some ninety-year-old grandmother in Japan cluelessly wearing on a t-shirt. Peachy apologizes for speaking too soon, and proclaims, "Rotu, you do not win. Maraamu wins." Kathy begins waving the Maraanu flag, while John, Tammy, and Robert look livid, and Sean cries in the canoe. ["Rotu are such poor losers." -- Wing Chun] Paschal, meanwhile, slips the immunity idol some tongue.