Last week on Survivor: sixteen strangers jumped off a boat and splashed about in a panic. Then, no one gave them any food. Also, Hunter emerged as the "disputed leader" of the Maraamu tribe, while Kathy emerged as the undisputed bossy bitch of Rotu. Peachy voice-overs that a "fatal mistake" cost Maraamu the challenge, but no one died, so really it was just a "mistake." Then Peter Pandit got voted off for blathering on about -- amongst other things -- his asshole. Fifteen remain.
It's Night 3 at Rotu and a crab scuttles by the light of the slivery moon. A night-vision shot reveals that the tribe has formed a backrub chain; they agree to give each other massages every night. The group ogles the stars in a very sparkly sky, and then a ridiculous star shoots across it. The Moppet tells us in a confessional that he loves being in Rotu, loves the spirit of his tribemates, and loves "how they decide to interact with each other in positive ways." As the tribe snuggles up with each other for the night, we hear Paschal say that any one of the group could win, and it would please him. It would not, however, please him if they danced lewdly while doing so. We see that the tribemates are all holding hands while sleeping in their semi-shelter, and The Moppet comments, "This is most definitely the love shack for our little love tribe." Pause, wherein I feel A Big But coming on. That's "but," not "butt." The Moppet says that Kathy isn't trying to get along with the others and "be one of" them. We see her raking the fire and looking typically pissed off as The Moppet tells us that Kathy sleeps alone by the fire.
A rooster crows at night, and then a rooster crows at daybreak, and now it's morning at Rotu. The Moppet preaches to Tammy that being on Survivor is about being part of a group -- particularly in the beginning, he thinks, because first impressions are the most important. He complains that Kathy sleeps by herself, and points out that she's even separated herself right now by fishing alone. Tammy tries to interject something about there being an "unwritten rule," but she trails off, and The Moppet continues his rant.
We then join Kathy, who's hunched over the water rooting among the rocks. She tells us that it's the fourth day, and that the tribe doesn't have food but that "the ocean has food in it!" She says she knows food is available to them, but that she's never before in her life looked under a rock to find it. Kathy's delivery is incredibly grating; she's swiftly rising to Jerri Manthey status and will soon -- a feat I never thought possible -- surpass it. Kathy insists that if she finds food, she will gain some "credibility" so that "maybe [Rotu will] listen to [her] when [she tells] them it's gonna rain." Because it's never occurred to the others that it might rain in the thirty-nine days they're out there. In the case of severe drought, Mark Burnett will certainly have the crew dump some bucketfuls over their shelters in the middle of the night. Kathy insists that they'll be miserable in that "terrible hut," which explains why she's out looking for food instead of trying to improve the shelter. I can think of no clever term for summing up more perfectly exactly what Kathy is: a big fat know-it-all.
Back at Rotu's camp, Neleh tells us in a confessional, as we view a weary-looking Robert, that he's been feeling very sick for "a couple days," and thus hasn't been helping out much. Isn't "a couple days" the extent of the time they've been out there so far? In any case, Robert stumbles around a bit, and then The Moppet says, "Being a big guy comes with needing a lot of food"; he thinks the food situation has taken the biggest toll on Robert. Zoe distributes pineapple pieces to the tribe as Robert tells us in a confessional that they haven't had any protein since they've been out there. I'll bet in a regular week in Baltimore, I go three days with no protein. But that's not saying much about my Wow! chips and Pepsi diet, is it? Robert insists, "We're gonna change that today. We're gonna do something." He wants to get a chicken or pig: "I really need to sink my teeth into some sort of meat." We see various shots of Rotu making weapons: John has fashioned a funky fork-like spear, and The Moppet has made a phenomenal bow and arrow of sorts. It would have been interesting to see how they actually conceived of and executed the making of these weapons, but of course that's a lot to ask of the Survivor producers. In a confessional, John tells us they've also made fish hooks and fishing spears from acacia trees. Zoe proudly shows that she used tubing from the back of her sunglasses to make a slingshot, and then John brags that the "most creative thing" he came up with was "[his] own shrimp catcher." Which happens to look just like a big net. And which, if he's not careful on the whole shrimp thing, may result in his being called "Bubba Chump." In any case, John thinks that the tribe's biggest accomplishment is their pig snare, which appears to be some sort of booby trap in which a pig trips on a wire and gets knocked unconscious by a falling log tied to a string. Or something like that. If there was some larger, more sensible function of the trap, I missed it. The tribe hugs and cheers over their trap, which has yet to catch anything; then John says in a confessional, "If I catch a pig, you know, I might as well set my table at the final four." I hope he wouldn't set that table with the pig, though, which would be awful wormy by then.
At Maraamu, Sean asks a tribemate to turn on the weather station which leads to his imitating a staticky radio replete with flipping channels and snippets of conversation and song. If it sounds clever and complex, it isn't. Hunter, it turns out, is Maraamu's weatherman, and he forecasts that it will reach 160 degrees today in "Happiness Cove," according to Rob. I may be approaching grandma status, because Hunter doesn't irk me nearly as much this week as he did last week. In fact, he's amiably goofy, if slightly slow-witted. The tribe cracks up, which suggests to me that Rob might complain excessively about the heat. In a confessional, Rob tells us that the tribe starts every day with a morning show, and he is in charge of the food portion. Rob's food review appears to be a recitation of a basic menu. When Sean, who is station manager, prompts him, Rob just says, "Today we're gonna be stahting off with blueberry pancakes, bacon, and sausage..." and then cracks himself up. Sean can't wait his turn, and busts out that it's time for some music, and he'll put on "an oldie but a goodie." Because that's an original thing to say. He sings "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" while Vecepia grooves out and Rob plays the sticks in the background. I can just picture Rob back in Massachusetts sitting in a dimly lit room playing with sticks for hours on end. Then suddenly all the members of the tribe are on their feet and dancing. Sean is spinning Gina, and Hunter shows Sean up once again by both spinning and dipping Vecepia, who appears to be having a really good time. Rob tells us in a confessional that the morning show is "comic relief for everybody" before they get into "the toiling work of surviving." It's good that they get to separate the fun from the survival, as real stranded people do, I'm sure.
Now Vecepia carries some coconuts; she's much better at it than Rob was with the rocks last week. We see Rob crack open a coconut and become amazed that that there's stuff inside. As the tribe hustles, Patricia tells us that most people who go camping bring along camping gear, but they have nothing. I don't see why these people can't understand that Survivor was not conceived as a thirty-nine-day camping trip. Patricia and Hunter work together on some sort of rock pit. In a confessional, Hunter tells us that there are many contributors in the camp, and "Mamma," who you might think is the least likely contributor, has turned out to be one of the strongest. Let me state here for the record that I'm resistant to calling Patricia "Mamma." She's not my Mamma, and it feels very contrived. Patricia builds something, and Rob approaches and says, "What is this, like a box, Mamma?" It turns out she's trying to build a "chicken trap." She says she's never done it before, but she's applying a concept from her head. Gina tells us in a confessional that "Miss Tricia" has definitely changed since the last Tribal Council. She says Patricia got up early the morning and has refused to sit down or rest since; according to Gina, this is because she's now comfortable being herself and is no longer afraid of being voted out of the tribe. During this confessional, we hear Patricia harping on someone in the background.
Now Hunter rubs sunscreen on his arms while Patricia rubs it on his back. She then orders him to return the favor, and Gina laughs, "Notice she didn't ask us." Patricia defensively yells, "He has it on his hands!" while Sarah and Gina giggle. Patricia tells Hunter, "Be sure to go up under the bathing suit," and he continues along the path of unbelievable good nature. Rob watches while Hunter rubs lotion onto Patricia, and Sean and Vecepia also look on and giggle. Patricia insists that she needs the sunscreen because she burns, and then turns around and raises her arms in the air while Hunter starts to put lotion on her armpits. He stops himself, but Rob yells, "Nasty!" and then keeps yelling, "Go underneath, underneath!" I think Rob just called Patricia nasty, which shouldn't be funny, but is. Hunter flinches a bit but continues applying sunscreen to Mamma's upper arms, which she could surely reach herself.
Peaceful music brings us to Rotu where, at least, no one is calling each other nasty. Not yet, anyway. John is very excited because he caught one shrimp. Because shrimp, after all, is the fruit of the sea, and you can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. And there are shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole...shrimp gumbo, pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp...shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich...and that's, that's about it. John marvels over "all that meat" while Tammy and The Moppet look perplexed because while you can do all that stuff with shrimp, you cannot do all that stuff with a shrimp. In a confessional John tells us that a hierarchy will develop in the tribe, and he wants to be as high on the food chain -- so to speak -- as possible, which would be as food and protein provider. Tammy and The Moppet congratulate John, even though he's done a fine enough job of congratulating himself. As they continue on their way, The Moppet mutters under his breath, "All we need is, like, thirty more." John looks confused, like he can't understand why one shrimp for eight people isn't something to celebrate.
Suddenly Kathy, who is creeping out among the rocks, yells, "Hey you guys, get out here! I'm serious." She whistles for their attention, which is not my choice means of communicating with people, but to each her own. As long as Kathy's not whistling at me, that is. She keeps yelling and screaming, and I can make out the word "shells," but it sounds more like those shells are attacking her. The tribe finally starts moving very slowly, but as she keeps screaming, they start running -- probably because it sounds like she's being murdered six different ways. Seriously, it's at least a forty-five-second stream of yelling, and the only words I can make out are "oh my God" and "shells." In a confessional, John tells us that Kathy's communication style is "borderline abrasive." Borderline? ["Ha! That's what I said. The border is a distant memory to Kathy." -- Wing Chun] John then complains that Kathy's condescending. This is accompanied by a shot of Kathy lecturing her tribe on the fine art of turning over rocks. Kathy tells us in a confessional that it was exciting to find food, and that even though it was a minor accomplishment, she "started losing it." Someone picks up something that looks like a shiny black scrunchy crossed with a plunger. They're going to eat that? Then Paschal proudly shows off a little crab of the non-scuttling sort. Kathy tells us that the others were excited and "flipping rocks like mad." As Kathy continues rooting around underneath rocks, an animal bites her in the hope that she will finally shut up. Someone grabs at a round, rock-like animal that is attached to another rock, and it squirts out a bunch of water. John tells us that the situation was a "mixed blessing." He's happy that the tribe now has protein, but he wishes he'd found it himself.
We see that the "protein" consists of assorted small, squishy, squeegy things. The tribe members congratulate themselves as Neleh gives us a lesson on how to prepare the booty. She bangs the critters against a rock and tells us to take off the little black part and "pull out all the yucky stuff...like hearts, and stuff." She says you then wipe off more black stuff onto a leaf, and you're ready to go. As she talks of how easy the process is, close-ups reveal that while it may be easy, it most certainly is disgusting as well. Tammy calls it "nasty." Poor nasty Patricia and poor nasty, slimy, rock-beaten sea creatures. We see a close-up of a web of gunk between Neleh's fingers, and for some reason, the tribe acts like it looks wonderful. Paschal goes so far as to say it will be "absolutely delicious." They then appear to eat it raw. I know they probably can eat it raw, but it might taste better cooked. In any case, eating these creatures entails more gnawing then chewing. Neleh retches and complains that it's slimy. Because she couldn't tell that from the slime on her fingers. Tammy complains that hers is hard and unbiteable. John, however, thinks it's "the best thing ever." Kathy tells us that the "seafood buffet lifted everybody's spirits up," and she thought it would put her ahead with the tribe. We then see her preaching to the tribe that they need to think "outside the box," and they all continue to ignore her, while Neleh shakes her head. Kathy says it was weird that she didn't get even one pat on the back from the other Rotu members. She gripes, "I mean, I'm not that hard to get along with."
Back at Maraamu, Rob whittles under a tree while Patricia hacks at something with a knife. Sean, meanwhile, hangs on the flagpoles. Patricia orders the tribe to get ready to go gather coconuts. I'm wondering how one "gets ready" to go gather coconuts, as opposed to just gathering the coconuts without the readying process, and what would happen if one embarked on coconut-gathering without the necessary preparation? Gina complains that they can't go gather coconuts yet because they don't have a stick. How did the Survivor casting people manage to find sixteen people with not a single creative resource between them? They're on a desert island and they're worried about finding a stick? Patricia responds that Rob will get the stick because "he's a great stick hunter." Now, that's a compliment, and I can just see him walking around bragging about being a "great stick hunter."
And thus begins the montage of Patricia working hard. Patricia struts around camp giving orders; Patricia knows that work needs to get done; Patricia doesn't mind telling people if they need to do more. Patricia stares at the little rock pile which may be their fire pit, and asks what Hunter thinks. He thinks they should add another layer of bigger, flatter rocks to the arrangement, and Patricia cuts him off and barks, "Isn't that what I just said?" Hunter chases after her laughing and insisting that he was just agreeing with her. Patricia walks around the camp yelling, "Come on! Come on!" at the other members of the tribe, and Sean rolls his eyes. In a confessional, Hunter tells us that Patricia has great ideas, but that she loves to nag him and the others. He concludes, "I don't think that we necessarily always need the nagging," but he says she likes to do that, and that it's okay because "she's a mom and she's always gonna be a mom." Millions of people don't talk to their own mothers because of nagging, though, so why accept it from a stranger? ["Hunter really has the gift of diplomacy, I'll give him that. He's good-natured even when the other tribe members can't hear him." -- Wing Chun] Sean tells us in a confessional, "She's doin' too much talkin' to me." It was endearing at first, but now he's annoyed. He says she walks around with the attitude, "Oh no, Mamma got to work! Mamma can't sit down!"
We then see a clip of Patricia telling the tribe where to put their tools. She orders them to listen to her, because she'll only tell them once. Rob tells her he already heard her spiel this morning, and she still points at the tree and barks, "Tool tree." While gesturing in an irritated manner, Rob insists that he already knows and adds, "I know everything needs to go back where you find it." Patricia wants to know where the knife is, then, and Rob appears to point it right out. Vecepia thinks Patricia's putting on a show, and I'm inclined to agree. Vecepia imitates Patricia stomping around camp and concludes, "That's just played out."
Sean and Vecepia now sit together while the others frolic in the water. Vecepia picks at her toenails as she states that none of the S15 are children. She says they didn't come to the Marquesas asking their parents every time they needed to do something, and Sean says he's "quite frankly" getting sick of it. In a confessional, Sean tells us that it's nice to bond with "somebody who understand [sic]." He cites his connection with Vecepia as "cultural," adding, "There's certain things with black people -- we don't even have to finish a thought and we already know where we are." So black people are telepathic? And they say reality television isn't educational! Sean tells Vecepia that the other five members of Maraamu are "different, but the common bond that bonds them is that...is that." By "that," I'm assuming, he means lack of telepathic abilities. And also race. In a confessional, Vecepia calls Sean "Malcolm Farrakhan," because he is a "Malcolm X militant-type brother" and also "that real intelligent, outspoken type of young man." Vecepia and Sean discuss how their sitting together could be perceived as strategizing. Sean then tells us in a confessional that the game isn't fair, because he and Vecepia are playing "a whole 'nother mental game" that the others don't even know about, and that you have to "when you're a person of color and you're the only one." He complains that the others don't have to worry, because they can just be themselves. Meanwhile, Sean and Vecepia have to be themselves, but also hold back a bit. He adds, "And on top of that, she believes in God. I believe in God, and we're bound by Christ!" He says that common religious beliefs are a stronger bond than race. Vecepia jokes to Sean that she can already tell what people will say about them, and Sean says they will be called "two ungrateful Negroes." He says people will say, "You take them on an island and they [sic] still complainin'!" The scene concludes with Sean saying, "Where's your Al Sharpton now?" and then he and Vecepia crack themselves up.
Scuttle, scuttle, little crab, into your little hole. And not just one, but three scuttling crabs! It's now Day 4 at Maraamu. Rob climbs a coconut tree while Patricia weaves and Sean is off by himself practicing his pitiful impressions. Hunter tells us in a confessional that some people are there to play the game and survive, while other people are just looking for a vacation. Gina says that Sean appears to be physically strong, so that it's easy to assume he'd be a big help, but "he's lazy." Sean suns himself in the surf while Hunter and Rob are exhausted from work. Hunter tells Rob that they need to go on another water run, and that Sean will do it "whether he likes it or not." Rob cackles in response. In a confessional, Hunter says that he loves everyone in the tribe, but that Sean doesn't want to carry his weight. Hunter then picks up the water jug and asks Sean if he minds making a water run; Sean says, "Not at all," but keeps right on doing what he's doing. I give credit to Hunter for putting the water jug down and not making a scene because Sean didn't respond immediately when asked. After all, why should Sean have to do it the very minute Hunter asks him to? We then see Sean heading off in the background with the water jug as Hunter laments to Gina, "I just wish he worked a little bit more." Sean tells us in a confessional that everyone sees Hunter as the leader, and gravitate toward him to show him their value. He says the general attitude is, "Let me get cool with Hunter," and though that may be part of the game, he won't do it. Sean says that they are a team, and that he'll do what he needs to do "in the interest of survival." Still, he says, "I ain't kissin' nobody's butt!"
We see Rob walking in the surf while Sarah trails behind him. Meanwhile, Hunter, Vecepia, and Gina are elsewhere; Hunter asks where Rob and Sarah are, then jokes that you just have to find out where one of them is and then you know where the other is, too. Vecepia says that she calls them "Frick and Frack," and Hunter adds, "Barbie and Ken." But if I had to pick a Ken among the S15, it would most definitely be Hunter. Rob is more like Ken's tough-on-the- exterior-but-soft- at-the-heart, simple-minded second cousin Bubba. Sarah tells us in a confessional that she and Rob have more in common with each other than with anyone else in the tribe. They're the youngest, and they laugh at each other's jokes and have fun together. Sarah maniacally claws at her arm while admitting that she is "definitely attracted" to Rob; she says he's told her the same -- that he's attracted to her, that is, not to himself. Hunter says in a confessional that Sarah pulls Rob away from his duties: "If Rob lays down, Sarah lays down. If Rob goes in the water, Sarah goes in the water." They're "going" in the water? Talk about nasty! Hunter thinks that if Sarah were voted off, Rob would be a more productive member of the tribe.
Ominous music plays as a shadow creeps over a mountain, and it's now Night 4 at Maraamu. Rob tells us that the only game he's "got goin' on" is with Sarah, and that the relationship cuts both ways. She can be an asset because "basically, she'll vote whatever way [he] tell[s] her to vote," but she's also a liability because she doesn't work hard enough. He says he sometimes feels like he's playing for two because he constantly has to watch over her. As they sleep in the tent apart from the rest of the tribe, Rob tells Sarah she has to work, and she insists that she has been working. Meanwhile, all the other Maraamus are sleeping in perfect spoon formation except Gina, who's spread out like a fork. Rob tells Sarah that he knows she's working, but that she needs to make sure the others know she's working, too. Rob insists, "Just make sure they know that you're doing something." Rob tells us in a confessional that he picked Sarah for a reason, because as long as he has one vote, he knows he's got another. Rob and Sarah cuddle, which I'm fairly confident is more in line with the real reason he picked her.
A fiery sky at Rotu leads to a nursing or pregnant pig running through the brush. It's now Day 5 and a woman -- I couldn't tell who -- says that something good is going to happen tonight: they'll either catch a pig, or they'll starve. The tribe heads off to check their pig snare, and Neleh comments that bacon sounds good. The tribe arrives at the trap, and John is "totally stoked" because it worked. Except it didn't really work, because there's no pig carcass in sight. John explains that the snare was set off by a pig and indeed worked correctly; they just didn't catch the pig. He compares the situation to fishing and having the fish take your worm: "It simply was as close as that." But my guess is that when you're really starving on a desert island, "close" counts for shit.
Now the tribe sits together; Paschal is stating reasonably that they need more than three people to get water. Suddenly Kathy is whistling for the tribe's attention again, and I wonder where she learned that this was an appropriate means of getting the attention of others. She snits to the tribe, "I want to have a leettle meeting to introduce my goodies." The Moppet's facial expression in response to this is phenomenal: it's a combination of total disbelief and semi-amusement. Kathy insists that "it's good news," and then Tammy tells us in a confessional that Kathy acted like a mother holding a chocolate bar in front of a child and saying the child could have it as long as he or she did exactly what the mother said.
Kathy joins the tribe and tells them that she thinks she's good at food gathering because she grew up around the ocean, but I think it's more that she has a particular and mutual affinity with things that live under rocks. She says she will continue to find food for the tribe, but first they need to fix two things: the fire and their shelter. Aren't these basically the only things? She complains that everyone was sleeping under the shelter the evening and that there was no place for her. Paschal kindly points out that he volunteered to move over for her, but that she insisted she didn't need any space. She ignores this and martyrs, "All I want is a roof over my head." As she majestically dumps open her bag of slimy foodstuffs, she claims, "And I want to feed you, because I want us to win." Robert is lying down with his eyes closed, ignoring during Kathy's display, but the rest of the tribe attempts to work up some sort of enthusiasm for the food. Then Kathy pushes it a little bit further and says, "So this is what I'm saying: we each have a role." The Moppet isn't having that. He thinks it's great that she found the food, but he doesn't think they should each have a role at all. Kathy argues that she's just saying that they don't know each other, and points out that she doesn't even know what Paschal does for a living. Why, Paschal battles against the evil that is lewd teen dancing! The Moppet insists that she should talk to the other members of the tribe and stop going off by herself so often, because they're "also trying to be a society." She says she knows that, but then The Moppet asks why she doesn't know anything about the rest of them. Kathy insists that she's been too busy with the important work of looking for food. The Moppet says there's more going on then shelter, food, fire, and water. Again, Kathy laments, "All I want is a roof over my head" as she starts to tear up. The Moppet says, "That's not all that I want. I want to know you." Why would he want to do a crazy thing like that? He goes on to say he'd rather get to know Kathy than build a shelter. Kathy whines that the tribe is "all over [her]" because she made a simple request for shelter. In a confessional, she tells us that she was caught off-guard because the tribe "bit back real hard," and that she was almost in tears. She was in tears, actually.
Back at the camp, The Moppet caves to Kathy's weepiness and asks what aspect of being in the Marquesas worries her most; he says he'll try to assuage her shelter fears, but insists again, "This is an adventure, not just a hardship." In a confessional, Tammy tells us that she felt bad when Kathy teared up, but "because [their] point here isn't to make anybody feel bad or hurt anybody's feelings." And suddenly, the tribe is building a shelter as The Moppet tells us that since it was a priority for Kathy, they made it a priority for the group. They've also made cutting up their raft a priority, which doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do, but that's just me. The Moppet thinks it's nice that they will all sleep under the shelter together and not worry about the elements. The tribe then gathers for a "special moment" as Paschal unveils his luxury item: the American flag. He tells us in a confessional that he's very patriotic, and that the flag is "a wonderful symbol of what this group is about." So the American flag is a symbol of snarkery, pig-snaring, and backrubs? It is America, after all. Neleh has both arms around Paschal's neck as they raise the flag, and he earnestly says, "It just makes me feel good to look at it." Kathy thanks the Moppet and says, "I am at peace now," but we all know that can't last long.
Meanwhile at Maraamu, "the postman has arrived." Hunter reads the clue, which advises them to "tread lightly" for new fishing gear. There's no treading to be found in the challenge -- and if there were treading, it could neither be described as light nor heavy -- but we don't know that yet. I shouldn't nitpick when the clues are short, at least.
So Rotu and Maraamu show up at the challenge, where Peachy waits to tell them about their reward. Peachy got new white shorts! Each tribe has a boat which is "sitting on the bottom of the ocean floor" loaded up with 250 rocks, and tethered to an inner tube. The S15 will dive down and remove all the rocks from the boat. Once the boat surfaces, they should bail water until it's seaworthy and then race to the beach. The first tribe to place its boat on its mat wins the reward: a mask, fins, and a snorkel. Peachy points out that since some of them have already made spears, the reward will make finding food a little easier. Even without the spears, the reward would make food finding easier, so I'm not sure what he's trying to say here. Because Rotu has an extra member, they decide Robert will sit out. Either he's really sick or he can't swim because otherwise it makes little sense to leave in puny Paschal over hulking Robert. Not that sense is a prerequisite of being selected for this show.
The tribes jump from the dock and swim toward their inner tubes. "Swimming," by the way, is only a loose approximation of what they're actually doing. Most of them can barely make it to the inner tube, much less dive down the whopping eight feet to remove a rock from the boat. On his first run, Hunter is able to remove several rocks, but most everyone else can only manage one rock at a time -- if that. It doesn't even look like certain of the S15 (S14, less Robert) ever even leave the inner tube. Also, for some reason, they mostly submerge one at a time, even though that's not part of the rules. This challenge makes half of these people look like pretty substantial wussies. John on Rotu is proud because he "took out three" rocks, but then The Moppet goes down and really rocks. Hee. Get it? Rocks? He comes up with the brilliant concept of using two hands to remove rocks from the boat, and emerges from below with the claim that he's just emptied eighteen rocks from Rotu's boat. It then looks like it's The Moppet's idea for a few members of Rotu to swim down and just overturn the boat to dump out all the rocks. John and Zoe join The Moppet in this effort, and it's a pretty smart move. I like Zoe so far; I just wish she weren't mute. Not that I have a problem with mutes, but maybe they could give her a pen or paper or something? Rotu hoots very loudly over this victory; Maraamu also figures out the boat-dumping technique and follows suit, except that Hunter appears to do it single-handedly. Now the members of Maraamu start bailing out their boat, but Rotu is already headed for shore. If it is in the rules that all members of the tribe actually have to be in the boat, then both sides would be disqualified, because random stragglers hang off the back. In fact, based on the two episodes of Survivor we've seen so far, if aliens from a fully land-based planet were to land on Earth and watch this show, they'd think boats were for pushing. Or maybe they'd think that we humans are just a stupid, stupid bunch.
Rotu makes it to shore first; the members all transition from swimming to running except for Paschal who's still being dragged through the sand when they're almost fully out of the water. Rotu places its boat on the appropriate mat and celebrates. Paschal is willing not only to touch Kathy but to hug her as well. Maraamu finishes and claps for Rotu, but Hunter and Gina can't hide their disappointment. High-fives all around at Rotu, though!
It's now windy Day 6 at Maraamu; Gina eats fruit because that's what she does best. As the others weave, Hunter agrees that it will rain, and then Vecepia tells us that she, Sarah, and Patricia have been working to make the palm fronds into a roof. Their goal was to finish before the rain because it's so unpredictable, but that's kind of a difficult goal then, isn't it? Hunter and Sean work together to raise the frond roof while Sarah squats and scowls in the background. She tells us in a confessional that she's been saying for two days that they should use fronds to make a "water groove," but for two days no one's been listening to her. Now, she claims, Hunter has proposed the same concept, and it's been welcomed by the tribe as a great idea. Sarah, apparently, has never heard of the concept "good leadership." The tribe works as Sarah continues to snit; she insists that they should build the roof from the bottom to the top because otherwise water will drip down. The tribe just ignores her. Gina tells us she's irritated with Sarah because she's "all talk and no action."
We then see Patricia ask what Hunter is doing inside the shelter, and Sarah snarks, "I don't know. I asked him; he's ignoring me for some reason." She says she's been trying to help for half an hour. Which is only just a little bit longer than Vecepia's exhausting fifteen-minute attempt to start a fire last week. Patricia and Gina just look away from Sarah's complaint. Gina continues in her confessional explaining that Sarah orders them around and keeps saying she told them everything three days ago. Sarah always says to "do this or do that," but then she never actually does anything herself. Back at the shelter, we see Sarah turn and snark, "Does anybody agree with me?" She keeps insisting that they use the palm fronds for the roof, which is obviously their plan anyway, but Patricia wants to use a "woven piece" first to fill in a big hole. Sarah thinks the fronds will be equally waterproof and then launches into a campaign of "we should have"s and "blah blah"s and is upset that they now have two "kinda waterproof sides" instead of one fully waterproof side. Sarah's scale of measurement, incidentally, is in terms of "tons" which is surely easy to quantify on a desert island. Hunter thinks Sarah's proposal will involve a lot of work. Then there's a pause to which Sarah responds, "Is no one in agreeance with this?" And no one is in agreeance for several reasons, one of which is that it's impossible to be in "agreeance" because "agreeance" is not a word. Hunter mutters because he's not one for conflict, and then Sarah finally figures it out and says she doesn't care -- she'll do it herself because she wants to be dry. Patricia shakes her head and grins, because better Sarah than her.
Back at Rotu, Robert, Neleh, and Kathy discover utensils in the tree mail. Kathy evidently has never seen a fork before. Robert concludes from the clue that they'll be eating something, and Neleh doesn't care about that -- she's just happy not to have to use her hands anymore. Here's a choice snippet from the clue: "You might find it repulsive, but please don't feel queasy/ If the result is expulsive, the vote may be easy." I have no idea how I successfully completed an M.F.A. in poetry without ever having penned so delightful a couplet. Neleh makes a scared face, and about five minutes later Paschal yells, "It's a food challenge!" Because he's quick that way.
A huge wooden trough swarms with flies, which does not bode well for the S15, but most certainly bodes well for the viewing audience. Peachy has donned a cowboy hat for this scene to offset how pretty he looks in blue. He tells the tribes that today they'll have "a nice little feast": a "Marquesian delicacy" reserved for special guests and celebrations. Called "fafaru," the dish is made from a marinade of fish bones, crab legs, and lobster legs that have rotted in seawater for three days. The "stinkin' marinade" is then poured over slices of fish and baked in the sun for a couple of hours. Peachy points out that the S15 can tell even from a distance that "this stuff smells worse than a public toilet on a hot summer day." He then says that, "just to make it fun," they will bob for their fafaru. Actually, he says "we're gonna bob for fafaru," but he's no cockroach-eating Joe Rogan. Peachy then explains that they will each pick up the fafaru with their teeth, chew it up, and swallow. One member of Maraamu must go twice because that tribe is short a person, and obviously that will be Hunter because he's Hunter, after all.
Hunter and Zoe have a fairly uneventful run. There's minor gagging on Zoe's part, but that's about it. Patricia sucks her fafaru right back, causing Peachy to exclaim, "Wow! Mamma didn't waste any time!" Neleh has a good bit more trouble, because she only gets a fafaru scrap the first time, and has to bob again to get the rest. As she does, Peachy grins, "That's a juicy piece there." After much retching, Neleh gets it down. Paschal has a good run, and so does Sarah, who spits out a bunch of water, and then grins. Kathy and Vecepia are an even match, but Vecepia rises in estimation with her post-swallow "Walk Like an Egyptian" victory dance. Robert's mouth quivers and his cheeks bulge, but he manages to swallow while Sean looks like he got some fafaru stuck in his teeth. Gina and Tammy -- who may or may not be the same person -- are the match-up, and Gina gets a big thick piece of fish, which dangles upward from her mouth for about thirty seconds while she tries to figure out how to swallow. Tammy's eyes are closed, because if she can't see it, maybe it's not really there. Both women ultimately succeed. Sarah calls Rob "Robby" as he approaches the trough, while other members of the tribe shout that it tastes like pizza, specifically pepperoni. Rob turns his cap in preparation for the bobbing. John gets a big hunk of fish on the first bob, but Rob comes up with only a scrap. John can barely manage to stick out his tongue afterward, but still swallows; meanwhile, Rob looks like he's about to blow as Peachy tells him, "To your left, Rob. Not on me." Zoe looks on in amazed disgust, while Rob's tribe continues to yell that he "swallow!" Do they think he hasn't yet figured out that key part of the challenge? Gross gagging sound effects and visuals continue and Sean coaches, "You [sic] tougher than that!" Peachy gives Rob -- who at this point has little white and pink fish flecks and sauce spewing upwards from his mouth -- five seconds to finish. Finally, Rob swallows. Now it's Hunter's second turn, alongside The Moppet this time, and someone in the background tells Hunter, "You know you love it!" which cracked me up. Hunter and The Moppet finish successfully, and Peachy says "hats off" to both tribes and completely misses the opportunity to doff his hat. He congratulates the S15 for downing "some nasty-smelling stuff," but continues that immunity is at stake so each tribe must pick a member from the opposing team to compete in a tiebreaker. The Moppet picks "our brother from Boston" from Maraamu, who is Rob. The members of Maraamu don't know Neleh's name -- although they could conceivably refer to her as "that backwards girl" without causing any offense -- so they just point her out.
So Rob and Neleh each get a trough filled with lots of fararu. Assorted gagging, vomiting, choking, retching, ketching, belching, and bringing up occurs as Neleh and Rob chow down. The fafaru appears to give Neleh stomach cramps as she buckles over, but she's still way ahead of Rob. As her tribe starts to celebrate the victory, Neleh turns and gives them the "one moment" finger as she attempts to chew up her last mouthful. As Rob continues spitting up, Neleh suddenly swallows, covers her mouth, and looks completely surprised to have held her fafaru. Rob has tears running down his face as Neleh is declared the victor and receives congratulations from her tribe. Peachy points out that they've won yet again, and smirks to Rob, "That ain't easy, man," as he informs Maraamu that he'll see them again in a few hours at Tribal Council. As Rotu attempts to comfort a grossed-out yet relieved Neleh, a dejected Maraamu walks back to their camp.
You can put Britney Spears in any costume you want -- eighteenth-century Victorian lady, '40s flapper, cavewoman -- she still looks undeniably like something that could only have been conceived during the Tiger Beat era. Except maybe for that last one.
We're now with Maraamu on Day 6. Rob tells us in a confessional that during the earlier challenge, they had "some pretty stinky fish, and [they] had to stick [their faces] in it." He says that everybody in his tribe did a good job, and that when it was his turn, he blew it. Literally. So Maraamu is headed back to Tribal Council, and everyone is quiet and keeping to him- or herself. Sean approaches Vecepia to tell her that he's 100% sure that either he or Sarah will be voted off . He reveals that Hunter told Rob that Sarah's not doing her part, and then Vecepia tells us in a confessional that Sarah knows she's a "liability." She says Sarah is just on Survivor for the ride, and will let herself be carried along as long as someone else is willing. We then see Rob tell Hunter and Gina that "no doubt this woman's killing my home life." Hunter wants to know why Rob's letting that happen and shakes his head in discouragement as he wonders aloud if Rob thinks that's a wise strategic move. Rob says in a confessional that if Sarah leaves tonight, he'll be forced to decide between being one of Hunter's worker bees, or joining Sean and risking "looking stupid." Sean and Boston go off together and Rob -- who sounds like Sylvester Stallone sucking on rocks -- thinks they made a mistake in voting off Peter off in the earlier Council when Patricia was the weakest. Sean blames Rob for their current predicament, on the grounds that Rob excessively "pumped up" Patricia. At this point, Sean thinks she's doing "too much talkin'," and makes jazz hands to signify it. Rob agrees that Patricia has become cocky, but Sean seems more bothered that she's loud, and just wants Patricia to chill. He then tells Rob he's voting his conscience and doesn't even want Rob to tell Sean his voting plans. Of course, he doesn't need Rob to tell him, because of his telepathy. They shake hands anyway, and as Rob walks away, he says, "I don't know, man."
The Tribal Council area, incidentally, is huge this season. They could fit all four seasons in there and still have room for the Just Peachy fan club. Peachy grins while welcoming Maraamu back for the second time -- he seems to think it's a good thing. Then, he gets right into it. He wants to know how Patricia, who has raised a family and is the "self-proclaimed mom of this group," thinks the tribe is doing. Patricia says they're not 100% productive, adding, "And that's coming from the mom side of me." I have no idea what that means, so I won't even try to guess. Peachy asks how it is having a mother figure in the camp, and Rob says sometimes it's "a pain in the butt," but other times Patricia is there for him when he needs her. Sarah snarks that they're all adults and don't need to be "barked at." She adds, "I'm twenty-four years old; my mom hasn't told me what to do in eight years." The point of that being that maybe her mother shouldn't have given up so soon? Sarah says it's a difficult situation, but she just bites her tongue and continues. Peachy asks whether the tribe has developed a daily routine, and Sean sounds sad to say that they have. He feels like they never stop working from the moment they get up in the morning. He realizes that there's always something to be done, but says, "It's wearing my energy down, quite frankly." Sarah tells Peachy that she works sixteen-hour days at home, and that she didn't go on Survivor to do the same. Peachy wants to know what Sarah did go there to do, and she says she wanted to lose ten pounds and experience an alternative from the bar scene. Actually, she says that she came to play the game, meet "cool people," and have an adventure. She admits that she does less of the work around the camp, but tries to credit that to strategy, insisting she's saving energy for challenges. Gina steps up and "totally disagree[s]" with Sarah, on the grounds that if Gina expends more energy around camp to make up for someone else's lack of work, then she'll be twice as tired during the challenges. Peachy then singles out Hunter as the team captain and insists that it must be hard to be 0 for 3 so far in the challenges. Hunter says they've been "skunked so far," and blames it on "some tough breaks." He thinks they'll come back and "take it to 'em." Finally, Peachy asks Rob about his immunity challenge loss, and Rob says he was very discouraged because he let his team down. Gina looks sad for him. Rob says it might be his night, and that he could understand why people might choose to vote him out. It's time to vote, and Patricia's first. Actually, she's second, but we don't know that yet.
Vecepia votes for Patricia. She says Patricia's a great person and wishes her good luck, "but the mom thing is getting pretty old in the camp."
Hunter loves Sarah, but "the beach party's over." The tribe needs to work hard, and she's "being a distraction," so his vote is for her. And that's all we see.
Peachy returns from counting the votes and commences with his dramatic interpretation of a vote reading. The first vote is for Sarah, who nods her head. The second vote is for "MOMA," which speaks volumes about the sad state of modern art appreciation in this country. The third vote is for a blinking Sarah, and the fourth vote is for Patricia (which Peachy clarifies as being for "Mom" in case of any confusion). Another Sarah, another Patricia, and with one vote to go, it's a tie. And this week's ejectee is: Patricia! Sarah looks put out, but Patricia looks more so as her torch gets extinguished. She stomps off, and Hunter appears to be the only one who will look her in the eyes. Of course Hunter would look her in the eyes. Because Hunter. Is. A decent. Man. Peachy says, "I've heard a lot tonight," and declares Maraamu "a tribe divided." He's happy, though, because "a tribe divided" is one of his most favorite Survivor expressions, and he hasn't gotten to use it in a while.
week on Survivor, the S14 get their faces stuck on the moon! Sarah "apparently has to be too sensitive," and Vecepia pulls a Mary J. Blige. Also, John is awfully whiny.
Patricia knows why she was voted off, and she has no ill feelings She wants Maraamu to come together as a team and win. She then says she's proud of "each and every other one of" her former tribemates, which is hysterical, but not, I think, what she meant to say. She says she hopes the friendships she made will last a long time; she had a great time and she would do it again. And she loves us. As Mammas well should.