No Pain, No Gain

Previously on Survivor, neither tribe had food and Kathy found protein and "redeemed" herself with Rotu. If "redeemed" means "annoyed," "harassed," and "aggravated to within inches of their lives." Maraamu awoke with a radio show, but Patricia "put an end to their fun." Then, the tribe turned things around and put an end to Patricia's fun, as they voted off both Patricia herself, and her annoying nickname. Fourteen remain.

It's now Night 6 at Maraamu, and the tribe uses a giant fork to cook something that looks like palm fronds. In night-vision shots, they stare at each other. Vecepia tells us in a confessional that returning to camp from Tribal Council with only six remaining members was definitely "a check-up from the neck up." She says they knew they couldn't come back and act as though nothing had happened. She asks how the others are feeling, and suddenly Sarah's off and whining that this morning when she woke up and everyone was gone, she knew immediately that they were off somewhere talking about the fact that she wasn't working. She is angry because "no one even bothered to wake [her] up," and insists that if they need her to do something, "dammit, get [her] up!" Hunter, who really is more of a Gatherer than a Hunter, liking peace and sociability as much as he does, tells Sarah that she's being paranoid; he thinks she shouldn't so sensitive. Sarah flails her hands around and snits, "Apparently, I have to be." And then repeats the phrase because it sounds good. Rob looks on from a few feet away with his arms crossed and a serious expression on his face; he's trying to decide whether it's time to call in Uncle Boomer and his knee-cap-smashing hammer yet. Gina cuts into the argument and explains that she was wavering between voting for two people until Sarah's announcement in the last Tribal Council about saving energy for herself by failing to work at the camp. Sarah argues that she meant she'd been saving her energy for the "chal-leng-es" as if Gina's having difficulties understanding that particular word. Vecepia shakes her head and moans that they need to stop letting it sit on their shoulders. She thinks, "That's just too much drama in this place." And also that they don't need no hateration or holleratin', and that they shouldn't be percolatin', while they're waiting, and they don't need no haters and should just try to love one another, and finally that they should all just dance for her. Or something like that, anyway.

Sean tells Hunter and Gina that it's not that the other members of Maraamu don't know what needs to be done around camp; it's just that they're too lazy to do any of it. Well, that's definitely what he should have said, but he really blames the situation on "lack of communication and lack of respect." He adds, "Because we [sic] all grown people out here." Honestly, I've never heard so many "grown people" insist on that status. After a point, it should just be kind of obvious, and if it's not, then that's your problem. In any case, Gina and Hunter insist that the issue is certainly not a lack of respect, but Sean argues that failure to communicate is in itself a "form of disrespect." He en-un-ci-ates and speaks very precisely to make his words seem more important than they actually are. Ayanna from Road Rules Semester at Sea had that one down. It works for about three seconds, incidentally. Sean claims that it's disrespectful "when you just assume that people are gonna get up when you get up." And I agree with that, but I also think Gina and Hunter don't care at all when (or if, for that matter) the others wake up; they just want them to do some work around camp whenever their lazy asses get out of bed. In a confessional, a perplexed Gina tells us that Sarah and Sean don't want to be asked to do anything because they think they should know to do it, so they'll be pissed off if anyone asks anything of them. She concludes, "So I don't know what kind of communication they want...uh, maybe telecommunication, I don't know." But Sean doesn't want telecommunication because as we all know from last week he's already in possession of that particular skill.

Now, Hunter reminds Sean that he was bothered when Hunter asked him to get water (we saw the clip last week), and Sean says he wasn't upset, but he felt like he'd been told to get the water, and the offense was all in the way Hunter said it. Sarah doesn't want to be asked or told to get water on Hunter's schedule, either -- particularly when she might be involved in another task as critical as filing her nails with tree bark or massaging her breast implants -- so she starts also hyping about "asking not telling" and takes Sean's side in the argument, because two lazy people are more powerful than one hard worker on this show. Hunter insists that he would have fetched the water with Sean, and wants to know if Sean thinks Hunter is selfish. To his credit, Sean says he doesn't think that at all. As the argument continues in the background, Hunter tells us in a confessional that he's bothered because of the others' constant complaining. They all signed on for Survivor and it's a thirty-nine-day game. He says they need to start playing to survive, or otherwise they'll "peter out." Any man who uses the words "peter out" can't be all bad. He can be weird as hell, just not all bad. Back at camp, Hunter seeks resolution among the tribe. He's glad they aired out their problems and points out that the others obviously feel the same way. Vecepia wants to know where a sulking, sullen Gina's "at." Gina says she's fine. Rob thinks she needs a pepperoni pizza.

We join Rotu on Day 7 as a deteriorated-looking Kathy plays with her feet. Why does everyone on this show play with their feet? It's like there's a box to check on the Survivor application that asks, "Do you like to play with your feet?" and a prerequisite for being picked involves selecting the "yes" box. Tammy tells us that it rained a lot during the night, and that their shelter leaked. She says their heads and feet got wet, and they all "froze [their] butts off." We see a shot of multiple sets of cold feet. In a confessional, Kathy explains that they don't have blankets, and that "blankets make all the difference in the world...so it's hard." Maybe if she looks under some more rocks, she'll find enough of those scrunchy-type things to weave a blanket of her very own. Tammy tells us that the first thing they started working on the morning was fixing the shelter. As we see them working, The Moppet tells us in a confessional, "There's something about this tribe. I mean, there really is." He says they get a lot of strength from each other's "good cheer" and kindness and strong spirit. Don't they know that no one watches Survivor for the "good cheer"? Kathy lectures the others about the need for a "frond doorway" in their shelter. This is juxtaposed with a confessional from The Moppet telling us that the first few days with Kathy were difficult, but that she's made a 100% turnabout, and he loves her now. In her own confessional, Kathy explains that she "switched it around" and is now playing the game more low-key. She's just "goin' with the flow" and not worrying so much about things. I don't anticipate that will last for long, though, since she's clearly a control freak. Well, she's just a plain old unqualified freak -- but at this point in the show, she's most specifically a control freak. As Robert ties a native-looking necklace around Kathy's neck, he kisses her and says that it's a gift for bringing home food. She graciously responds, "Food, man. Food!"

Now the soft, tinkly music of The Non-Sexual Bond Between Elder Man and Cute Young Female plays. As we see that Neleh has burnt something at camp, Paschal raves in a confessional about her "little pixie look." He pronounces her name "Neh-lee-a" and I'm not sure -- because Peachy later pronounces it the same way -- if my "Neh-leh" pronunciation is wrong. But really, if you're going to name your child for the backwards spelling of someone's name, the pronunciation should be phonetic; you shouldn't try to be all clever about it. Because backwards is backwards, extra syllable or not. Paschal continues telling us that Neleh's attitude and "vivaciousness" remind him of his two daughters back home. Now Neleh tells us that everyone in the tribe calls her "Sweetpea," and she doesn't know why. Has she never seen Popeye? All she needs is a flower pot on her head, and she's all set. Neleh thinks Paschal has the greatest heart of everyone on the team. He thinks she's got the greatest ass of everyone on the team, so they're even. We see a clip of him loading her arms up with wood and making sure she's okay with carrying it. Oh, that gentlemanly Paschal: making sure the ladies are okay before continuing to load them down with crap. Paschal then snuggles up to and kisses the Moppet and Sweetpea. In a confessional, Paschal is pleased as he tells us "Pappy" has become his nickname, and let me say again that all of these maternal and paternal nicknames really bug me. I mean, these people are gone for thirty-nine days: do they really need to create new mother and father figures for that short a period of time? I mean, I go thirty-nine days without seeing either of my parents; I don't suddenly start calling the middle-aged woman one cubicle down "Mommy." It seems like a deliberate construct for the show, and one I will choose to ignore. Neleh says Paschal is always smiling and "giving tons and tons of love." She says she'd definitely have the hardest time voting him off. Seriously, if I was on Survivor for a grand total of six days and someone started giving me "tons and tons of love," I'd slowly back away.

We're still at Rotu, but ominous music has set in, and clearly no further sprightly May-December Sweetpea-Pappy Non-Romance lies ahead. John is high-footing it into the water; we see a close-up of a black scrunchy/plunger thing, which turns out to be a sea urchin. Suddenly, John is cursing and pulling at his fingers and the camera closes up on his lips clearly saying "fuck." How'd they get away with that one? In a voice-over, he tells us that he landed right on top of a sea urchin and embedded about twelve needles into his fingers. He moans and complains, "Those suckers went in deep." He then adds, "I gotta go back in, and I gotta get somebody to pee on it." In a confessional, John tells us that urine is supposed to help ease the swelling and pain of a venomous sting. John has now reached the edge of Rotu's beach and stands in the surf yelling that he needs someone who has to pee. The way he's jumping and tiptoeing around, though, he looks more like the one who has to go. The tribe members look up from what they're doing and stare at him. He keeps yelling, "I need somebody who can pee on my hand!" and "Somebody who can pee! Somebody have to go to the bathroom?" Paschal darts off, as does Kathy. In a confessional, Kathy explains that Paschal tried to urinate on John's hand, but had a "performance anxiety thing," so it was just "good timing" that she had to go to the bathroom. Only Kathy could pat herself on the back for having the foresight to need to pee. As Kathy starts pulling down her pants, she says it's "gross, but"...John doesn't care. Suddenly, they're squatting together holding hands. Actually, they're only holding three hands, since one of John's hands is occupied by getting peed on by Kathy. And couldn't Kathy pee into something else -- like a bowl or jug -- and then pour it over John's hand? In any case, it looks like they're positioned so that Kathy's peeing ass is to the tribe, but I have some trouble accepting that, so let's blame it on the camera angle. Robert and Tammy look grossed-out and disbelieving. John tells us that Kathy's pee could have been peroxide as far as he was concerned, and that he "didn't even think of it being weird that she was squatting down and I had my hand between her legs." They finish up, and John is relieved. He tells us that the situation was "do what it takes to feel good, whatever." Which, by the way, is what all proponents of the golden shower claim, I'm sure. Kathy says she only got embarrassed when she was pulling up her pants. Maybe because she realized when doing so that she just mooned -- while peeing -- her entire tribe? She says it made her feel good because "at least I performed in the call of duty." And you know how I just said that only Kathy could congratulate herself for needing to pee? Well, certainly only Kathy could congratulate herself twice for doing so.

I really wish I'd counted scuttling crabs this season, but I'm too lazy to go back and start doing it now. A new aerial shot spans the island, and a voice mumbles in the background: for the second straight week, we're subjected to Sean's radio show. He says it was cold last night, and that it's now time for Hunter's weather forecast. Hunter beats on his chest while doing the weather, and I think this is supposed to represent chopper sounds, although honestly, I didn't get that at first. In a confessional, Vecepia tells us that the rain seemed almost to have flushed out yesterday's tension. During her segment of the radio show, Vecepia posits, "No Nos: are they in, or are they out?" She wants call-ins, and Rob "calls" to say that No Nos are 45,000 times worse than mosquitoes. He says there's no cure for them, and that they're the worst thing he's encountered in his life. In a confessional, he tells us, "A No No -- spelled n-o, n-o -- is a little bug that's a thousand times more vicious than a mosquito, and is about the size of a flea." He says you can't see a No No and you don't know when one bites you, but they itch like crazy. This is followed by a nasty shot of close-ups of various tribe members' No No-gnawed body parts. Hunter also "calls" the radio show and says that No Nos "suck" because he's never been bitten by mosquitoes before, but he's not immune to the No Nos. Vecepia then asks, "Tell me something. I hear a rumor that there's two kinds of No Nos: they got some black ones and they got some white ones." She wants to know which color No No Hunter thinks bit him. Hunter starts to say it's the black ones, and I'm guessing he's saying the black ones because No Nos are...well, black. Sean starts screeching in the background and Vecepia says the phones are lighting up. In a "call" Sean claims to be Al Sharpton and insists that it's "ludicrous" and a "conspiracy" that all the black No Nos are always getting incarcerated and in trouble with the law. Sean pretends to be joking and the tribe laughs, but I suspect Sean turns on a dime on the subject. If he wasn't too lazy to turn, that is.

Peachy suddenly motors up on a boat bearing what appear to be rolled-up yoga mats. He's wearing a tight blue shirt that brings out his ribs. Sarah was too busy this morning doing absolutely nothing to put on her bikini top properly, so she's mostly hanging out of it. Peachy, who suddenly thinks he's Chief Peachy, says "I come bearing supplies for your challenge." It turns out they're not yoga mats, after all, but fifty stalks of bamboo and three hundred feet of rope. The tribe will need to construct a raft strong enough to carry all six tribe members as well as supplies they'll pick up along the way as part of the challenge. Peachy says they can use anything he gives them, and also anything they have in their camp or find on the island. He advises them not to "be skimpy" and to make a strong raft. I'm sure that admonition helped, because everyone's first instinct while constructing a raft is to make it "skimpy." Peachy tells the two crew members on the boat to dump the bamboo, and Maraamu half-heartedly ambles out into the surf to bring it in. Peachy motors off, and the tribe members just stand there in his wake with their hands on their hips, looking perplexedly at the bamboo and wondering if they're actually going to have to work, or if they can somehow manipulate Hunter and Gina into doing it all, and then blame them for it afterward.

At Rotu, we don't see Peachy's arrival, but they're much merrier as they go about the task of bringing in the bamboo from the boat. Suddenly, Robert's end of a bamboo stalk drops and he exclaims, "Jesus Christ!" In a confessional, he (Robert, not J.C.) tells us that a rock wedged in between his shoe and his foot and "sliced up [his] toe nicely." As nicely, I suppose, as a toe can be sliced. He hobbles around the camp, and a close-up of the sliced toe reveals that a huge flap of bloody skin is hanging off its tip. John ministers to the injury and asks, "Did you at least start crying like I did?" Robert is very defensive about not having cried, and John jokingly snits, "Fine. Don't." Robert wonders how John could think Robert -- with so many tattoos on his body -- could have a problem with pain. Maybe all the cursing and limping and clenched baby fists tipped him off? John then tells Robert to take a deep breath, because he's gonna "scrub it" in order to make sure they got "all the junk outta there." Robert thrashes around and punches at the air and I haven't yet noticed any disfigured tattoos from the flailing about, but maybe he keeps those covered up, or else they shackled him down at the tattoo parlor. In a confessional, John tells us that he's a registered nurse, and that the others have confidence that he knows what he's doing and looking for in case something bad happens. Suddenly, John is wielding a huge knife and explaining that he's "doin' a little cutting here." It turns out he did not attend the National School of Nursing and Amputation as he cuts off only the flap of skin, as opposed to the entire toe. Zoe (she speaks!) tells John, after holding Robert's hand throughout the minor surgery, "Nice work, butcher. Good job." In a confessional, Robert trites, "Pain is easy, life is hard." He does admit to being relieved that it's over, but when Kathy asks how he is, he says it's "no problem" because he he's got "nine more." And it's my understanding that he actually has ten more, as men with such macho 'tudes are oftentimes making up for other, ahem...shall we say "shortcomings"?

Seven scuttling crabs for seven days at Rotu. Paschal, a.k.a. "the man," works hard along with the others under The Moppet's direction to build a "pontoon boat." The Moppet explains that all the cargo will be transported on a center platform, with three rowers on each side. He concludes that, in addition to being a fun project, it's "genius, if [he does] say so [himself]." Zoe tells us that Robert and The Moppet were working on the boat and that The Moppet had a "really good" plan that was "sort of a kon-tiki deal." By this, it sounds like "kon-tiki" is a type of boat, but I'm not finding any evidence of that. ["Here's some." -- Wing Chun] In any case, as Robert works with his buff wrapped around his big bleeding toe, he tells us he doesn't care if the appendage is "bleeding or falling off" -- he won't let his team down. The Moppet wants to know if Robert's okay, and Robert blows off The Moppet's concern. Robert tells us in a confessional that it's not just fun and games out there, and that you've got to keep on surviving and working to help the group. He then adds that two heads are definitely better than one, especially out there, which he thinks, for some reason, is a terribly funny thing to say. He does not, however, say that ten toes are better than nine. The tribe continues to work together, and Rob calls The Moppet "my brotha!" The Moppet says he doesn't think they'll be up against anything in the challenge like they've "got goin' on here." He proclaims Rotu's pontoon boat a "cool craft," and says its construction has been "a blast." He tells us that the tribe would love to keep on winning challenges. Uh, duh.

Maraamu, meanwhile, is still standing around, but finally kicks themselves into gear. It turns out they're building their raft in the water, which I suppose assures that it will float, but overall seems like an unusual choice. Rob thinks that a big raft will be hard to maneuver, but Hunter wants to use more bamboo because of its buoyancy. Rob worries that they will have to lift the raft and carry it somewhere, and Gina snits, "A raft is for the water." Hunter tries to avoid this argument by repeating the important of buoyancy, but Rob argues back, "But remember last time with the canoe? And then we had to carry it up the rocks?" Gina isn't having it, and further snarks, "There might be a finish line in the water." Hunter tells us that the morning after the last Tribal Council, the tribe talked of a whole new beginning and a rebirth, but admits, "To me, it didn't really seem that clear." "Clint Eastwood" by Gorillaz may or may not be playing in the background, by the way. The tribe hustles, for once, as Sean tells us that it isn't a problem of Hunter taking the lead, it's a problem with "whomever." Sean doesn't like over-confidence, and he refuses to sit back and watch "the golden boy" assume the tribe's leadership without the others being aware of his actions within the context of the game. Well, that's what he meant to say, anyway; I prettied it up a bit. And I wouldn't really describe Hunter as "golden" anyway; The Moppet is "golden." Hunter is more of a "speckled reddish-beige."

So now we see Hunter working diligently while Sean sits on some particularly buoyant bamboo. Sprawled out beneath a tree, Rob tells us that it's weird: "You might not believe it, but I am totally 100% like Hunter." He says he wouldn't let it show out there, though, because people don't take kindly to "that type of a [sic] atmosphere." He may mean "attitude" as opposed to "atmosphere," his confusion stemming from the fact that they're both multi-syllabic words beginning with the letter "A." Rob thinks they all want to say that they're the "big man," but the smart guy sits back, lets the others fight it out, and then "bank[s] in on their mistakes." Rob hangs on some bamboo and giggles. For the record, I highly doubt Sarah wants to be called the "big man," but Rob would know her preferred pet names better than I.

We now rejoin Rotu, where Neleh tells us that several members of the tribe were gathering shells when John stuck his hand under a rock and an eel bit him. John whines about the pain and then tells us in a confessional that the eel bite lacerated the underside of his finger; it "ripped it open in just jagged shreds" and also cracked his fingernail right to the bed. Who knew eels even had teeth? Blood wells up from underneath and around his nail, and Tammy says, "Damn! Right down the center!" John worries that the injury is worse than his last, and whimpers, "Lord, what is going on?" Tammy tells us that John was panicked, on the verge of tears, and that his pain was obvious. Now he needs to sit down because he's getting dizzy, and his finger is soaking in a little dish so it looks like he's having a manicure. He says that the eel bite is "deep," and a "crushing-type injury." In a confessional, John tells us that he was scared because such an injury might diminish his contributions and importance to the tribe, and put him at risk. He says it hit him really hard, and then Tammy says in her confessional that everything on Survivor can change in a heartbeat. She points out that John got hurt twice in one day, which maybe says less about how dangerous it is out there and more about how John would benefit from some accidental injury insurance when he reenters the workplace.