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Last week on Survivor: sixteen strangers jumped off a boat and splashed about in a panic. Then, no one gave them any food. Also, Hunter emerged as the "disputed leader" of the Maraamu tribe, while Kathy emerged as the undisputed bossy bitch of Rotu. Peachy voice-overs that a "fatal mistake" cost Maraamu the challenge, but no one died, so really it was just a "mistake." Then Peter Pandit got voted off for blathering on about -- amongst other things -- his asshole. Fifteen remain.
It's Night 3 at Rotu and a crab scuttles by the light of the slivery moon. A night-vision shot reveals that the tribe has formed a backrub chain; they agree to give each other massages every night. The group ogles the stars in a very sparkly sky, and then a ridiculous star shoots across it. The Moppet tells us in a confessional that he loves being in Rotu, loves the spirit of his tribemates, and loves "how they decide to interact with each other in positive ways." As the tribe snuggles up with each other for the night, we hear Paschal say that any one of the group could win, and it would please him. It would not, however, please him if they danced lewdly while doing so. We see that the tribemates are all holding hands while sleeping in their semi-shelter, and The Moppet comments, "This is most definitely the love shack for our little love tribe." Pause, wherein I feel A Big But coming on. That's "but," not "butt." The Moppet says that Kathy isn't trying to get along with the others and "be one of" them. We see her raking the fire and looking typically pissed off as The Moppet tells us that Kathy sleeps alone by the fire.
A rooster crows at night, and then a rooster crows at daybreak, and now it's morning at Rotu. The Moppet preaches to Tammy that being on Survivor is about being part of a group -- particularly in the beginning, he thinks, because first impressions are the most important. He complains that Kathy sleeps by herself, and points out that she's even separated herself right now by fishing alone. Tammy tries to interject something about there being an "unwritten rule," but she trails off, and The Moppet continues his rant.
We then join Kathy, who's hunched over the water rooting among the rocks. She tells us that it's the fourth day, and that the tribe doesn't have food but that "the ocean has food in it!" She says she knows food is available to them, but that she's never before in her life looked under a rock to find it. Kathy's delivery is incredibly grating; she's swiftly rising to Jerri Manthey status and will soon -- a feat I never thought possible -- surpass it. Kathy insists that if she finds food, she will gain some "credibility" so that "maybe [Rotu will] listen to [her] when [she tells] them it's gonna rain." Because it's never occurred to the others that it might rain in the thirty-nine days they're out there. In the case of severe drought, Mark Burnett will certainly have the crew dump some bucketfuls over their shelters in the middle of the night. Kathy insists that they'll be miserable in that "terrible hut," which explains why she's out looking for food instead of trying to improve the shelter. I can think of no clever term for summing up more perfectly exactly what Kathy is: a big fat know-it-all.
“ Sean asks a tribemate to turn on the weather station which leads to his imitating a staticky radio replete with flipping channels and snippets of conversation and song. If it sounds clever and complex, it isn't. ”
Back at Rotu's camp, Neleh tells us in a confessional, as we view a weary-looking Robert, that he's been feeling very sick for "a couple days," and thus hasn't been helping out much. Isn't "a couple days" the extent of the time they've been out there so far? In any case, Robert stumbles around a bit, and then The Moppet says, "Being a big guy comes with needing a lot of food"; he thinks the food situation has taken the biggest toll on Robert. Zoe distributes pineapple pieces to the tribe as Robert tells us in a confessional that they haven't had any protein since they've been out there. I'll bet in a regular week in Baltimore, I go three days with no protein. But that's not saying much about my Wow! chips and Pepsi diet, is it? Robert insists, "We're gonna change that today. We're gonna do something." He wants to get a chicken or pig: "I really need to sink my teeth into some sort of meat." We see various shots of Rotu making weapons: John has fashioned a funky fork-like spear, and The Moppet has made a phenomenal bow and arrow of sorts. It would have been interesting to see how they actually conceived of and executed the making of these weapons, but of course that's a lot to ask of the Survivor producers. In a confessional, John tells us they've also made fish hooks and fishing spears from acacia trees. Zoe proudly shows that she used tubing from the back of her sunglasses to make a slingshot, and then John brags that the "most creative thing" he came up with was "[his] own shrimp catcher." Which happens to look just like a big net. And which, if he's not careful on the whole shrimp thing, may result in his being called "Bubba Chump." In any case, John thinks that the tribe's biggest accomplishment is their pig snare, which appears to be some sort of booby trap in which a pig trips on a wire and gets knocked unconscious by a falling log tied to a string. Or something like that. If there was some larger, more sensible function of the trap, I missed it. The tribe hugs and cheers over their trap, which has yet to catch anything; then John says in a confessional, "If I catch a pig, you know, I might as well set my table at the final four." I hope he wouldn't set that table with the pig, though, which would be awful wormy by then.
At Maraamu, Sean asks a tribemate to turn on the weather station which leads to his imitating a staticky radio replete with flipping channels and snippets of conversation and song. If it sounds clever and complex, it isn't. Hunter, it turns out, is Maraamu's weatherman, and he forecasts that it will reach 160 degrees today in "Happiness Cove," according to Rob. I may be approaching grandma status, because Hunter doesn't irk me nearly as much this week as he did last week. In fact, he's amiably goofy, if slightly slow-witted. The tribe cracks up, which suggests to me that Rob might complain excessively about the heat. In a confessional, Rob tells us that the tribe starts every day with a morning show, and he is in charge of the food portion. Rob's food review appears to be a recitation of a basic menu. When Sean, who is station manager, prompts him, Rob just says, "Today we're gonna be stahting off with blueberry pancakes, bacon, and sausage..." and then cracks himself up. Sean can't wait his turn, and busts out that it's time for some music, and he'll put on "an oldie but a goodie." Because that's an original thing to say. He sings "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" while Vecepia grooves out and Rob plays the sticks in the background. I can just picture Rob back in Massachusetts sitting in a dimly lit room playing with sticks for hours on end. Then suddenly all the members of the tribe are on their feet and dancing. Sean is spinning Gina, and Hunter shows Sean up once again by both spinning and dipping Vecepia, who appears to be having a really good time. Rob tells us in a confessional that the morning show is "comic relief for everybody" before they get into "the toiling work of surviving." It's good that they get to separate the fun from the survival, as real stranded people do, I'm sure.
“ I think Rob just called Patricia nasty, which shouldn't be funny, but is. ”
Now Vecepia carries some coconuts; she's much better at it than Rob was with the rocks last week. We see Rob crack open a coconut and become amazed that that there's stuff inside. As the tribe hustles, Patricia tells us that most people who go camping bring along camping gear, but they have nothing. I don't see why these people can't understand that Survivor was not conceived as a thirty-nine-day camping trip. Patricia and Hunter work together on some sort of rock pit. In a confessional, Hunter tells us that there are many contributors in the camp, and "Mamma," who you might think is the least likely contributor, has turned out to be one of the strongest. Let me state here for the record that I'm resistant to calling Patricia "Mamma." She's not my Mamma, and it feels very contrived. Patricia builds something, and Rob approaches and says, "What is this, like a box, Mamma?" It turns out she's trying to build a "chicken trap." She says she's never done it before, but she's applying a concept from her head. Gina tells us in a confessional that "Miss Tricia" has definitely changed since the last Tribal Council. She says Patricia got up early the morning and has refused to sit down or rest since; according to Gina, this is because she's now comfortable being herself and is no longer afraid of being voted out of the tribe. During this confessional, we hear Patricia harping on someone in the background.
Now Hunter rubs sunscreen on his arms while Patricia rubs it on his back. She then orders him to return the favor, and Gina laughs, "Notice she didn't ask us." Patricia defensively yells, "He has it on his hands!" while Sarah and Gina giggle. Patricia tells Hunter, "Be sure to go up under the bathing suit," and he continues along the path of unbelievable good nature. Rob watches while Hunter rubs lotion onto Patricia, and Sean and Vecepia also look on and giggle. Patricia insists that she needs the sunscreen because she burns, and then turns around and raises her arms in the air while Hunter starts to put lotion on her armpits. He stops himself, but Rob yells, "Nasty!" and then keeps yelling, "Go underneath, underneath!" I think Rob just called Patricia nasty, which shouldn't be funny, but is. Hunter flinches a bit but continues applying sunscreen to Mamma's upper arms, which she could surely reach herself.
Peaceful music brings us to Rotu where, at least, no one is calling each other nasty. Not yet, anyway. John is very excited because he caught one shrimp. Because shrimp, after all, is the fruit of the sea, and you can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saut it. And there are shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole...shrimp gumbo, pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp...shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich...and that's, that's about it. John marvels over "all that meat" while Tammy and The Moppet look perplexed because while you can do all that stuff with shrimp, you cannot do all that stuff with a shrimp. In a confessional John tells us that a hierarchy will develop in the tribe, and he wants to be as high on the food chain -- so to speak -- as possible, which would be as food and protein provider. Tammy and The Moppet congratulate John, even though he's done a fine enough job of congratulating himself. As they continue on their way, The Moppet mutters under his breath, "All we need is, like, thirty more." John looks confused, like he can't understand why one shrimp for eight people isn't something to celebrate.
“ Someone picks up something that looks like a shiny black scrunchy crossed with a plunger. They're going to eat that? ”
Suddenly Kathy, who is creeping out among the rocks, yells, "Hey you guys, get out here! I'm serious." She whistles for their attention, which is not my choice means of communicating with people, but to each her own. As long as Kathy's not whistling at me, that is. She keeps yelling and screaming, and I can make out the word "shells," but it sounds more like those shells are attacking her. The tribe finally starts moving very slowly, but as she keeps screaming, they start running -- probably because it sounds like she's being murdered six different ways. Seriously, it's at least a forty-five-second stream of yelling, and the only words I can make out are "oh my God" and "shells." In a confessional, John tells us that Kathy's communication style is "borderline abrasive." Borderline? ["Ha! That's what I said. The border is a distant memory to Kathy." -- Wing Chun] John then complains that Kathy's condescending. This is accompanied by a shot of Kathy lecturing her tribe on the fine art of turning over rocks. Kathy tells us in a confessional that it was exciting to find food, and that even though it was a minor accomplishment, she "started losing it." Someone picks up something that looks like a shiny black scrunchy crossed with a plunger. They're going to eat that? Then Paschal proudly shows off a little crab of the non-scuttling sort. Kathy tells us that the others were excited and "flipping rocks like mad." As Kathy continues rooting around underneath rocks, an animal bites her in the hope that she will finally shut up. Someone grabs at a round, rock-like animal that is attached to another rock, and it squirts out a bunch of water. John tells us that the situation was a "mixed blessing." He's happy that the tribe now has protein, but he wishes he'd found it himself.
We see that the "protein" consists of assorted small, squishy, squeegy things. The tribe members congratulate themselves as Neleh gives us a lesson on how to prepare the booty. She bangs the critters against a rock and tells us to take off the little black part and "pull out all the yucky stuff...like hearts, and stuff." She says you then wipe off more black stuff onto a leaf, and you're ready to go. As she talks of how easy the process is, close-ups reveal that while it may be easy, it most certainly is disgusting as well. Tammy calls it "nasty." Poor nasty Patricia and poor nasty, slimy, rock-beaten sea creatures. We see a close-up of a web of gunk between Neleh's fingers, and for some reason, the tribe acts like it looks wonderful. Paschal goes so far as to say it will be "absolutely delicious." They then appear to eat it raw. I know they probably can eat it raw, but it might taste better cooked. In any case, eating these creatures entails more gnawing then chewing. Neleh retches and complains that it's slimy. Because she couldn't tell that from the slime on her fingers. Tammy complains that hers is hard and unbiteable. John, however, thinks it's "the best thing ever." Kathy tells us that the "seafood buffet lifted everybody's spirits up," and she thought it would put her ahead with the tribe. We then see her preaching to the tribe that they need to think "outside the box," and they all continue to ignore her, while Neleh shakes her head. Kathy says it was weird that she didn't get even one pat on the back from the other Rotu members. She gripes, "I mean, I'm not that hard to get along with."
Back at Maraamu, Rob whittles under a tree while Patricia hacks at something with a knife. Sean, meanwhile, hangs on the flagpoles. Patricia orders the tribe to get ready to go gather coconuts. I'm wondering how one "gets ready" to go gather coconuts, as opposed to just gathering the coconuts without the readying process, and what would happen if one embarked on coconut-gathering without the necessary preparation? Gina complains that they can't go gather coconuts yet because they don't have a stick. How did the Survivor casting people manage to find sixteen people with not a single creative resource between them? They're on a desert island and they're worried about finding a stick? Patricia responds that Rob will get the stick because "he's a great stick hunter." Now, that's a compliment, and I can just see him walking around bragging about being a "great stick hunter."
And thus begins the montage of Patricia working hard. Patricia struts around camp giving orders; Patricia knows that work needs to get done; Patricia doesn't mind telling people if they need to do more. Patricia stares at the little rock pile which may be their fire pit, and asks what Hunter thinks. He thinks they should add another layer of bigger, flatter rocks to the arrangement, and Patricia cuts him off and barks, "Isn't that what I just said?" Hunter chases after her laughing and insisting that he was just agreeing with her. Patricia walks around the camp yelling, "Come on! Come on!" at the other members of the tribe, and Sean rolls his eyes. In a confessional, Hunter tells us that Patricia has great ideas, but that she loves to nag him and the others. He concludes, "I don't think that we necessarily always need the nagging," but he says she likes to do that, and that it's okay because "she's a mom and she's always gonna be a mom." Millions of people don't talk to their own mothers because of nagging, though, so why accept it from a stranger? ["Hunter really has the gift of diplomacy, I'll give him that. He's good-natured even when the other tribe members can't hear him." -- Wing Chun] Sean tells us in a confessional, "She's doin' too much talkin' to me." It was endearing at first, but now he's annoyed. He says she walks around with the attitude, "Oh no, Mamma got to work! Mamma can't sit down!"
We then see a clip of Patricia telling the tribe where to put their tools. She orders them to listen to her, because she'll only tell them once. Rob tells her he already heard her spiel this morning, and she still points at the tree and barks, "Tool tree." While gesturing in an irritated manner, Rob insists that he already knows and adds, "I know everything needs to go back where you find it." Patricia wants to know where the knife is, then, and Rob appears to point it right out. Vecepia thinks Patricia's putting on a show, and I'm inclined to agree. Vecepia imitates Patricia stomping around camp and concludes, "That's just played out."
Sean and Vecepia now sit together while the others frolic in the water. Vecepia picks at her toenails as she states that none of the S15 are children. She says they didn't come to the Marquesas asking their parents every time they needed to do something, and Sean says he's "quite frankly" getting sick of it. In a confessional, Sean tells us that it's nice to bond with "somebody who understand [sic]." He cites his connection with Vecepia as "cultural," adding, "There's certain things with black people -- we don't even have to finish a thought and we already know where we are." So black people are telepathic? And they say reality television isn't educational! Sean tells Vecepia that the other five members of Maraamu are "different, but the common bond that bonds them is that...is that." By "that," I'm assuming, he means lack of telepathic abilities. And also race. In a confessional, Vecepia calls Sean "Malcolm Farrakhan," because he is a "Malcolm X militant-type brother" and also "that real intelligent, outspoken type of young man." Vecepia and Sean discuss how their sitting together could be perceived as strategizing. Sean then tells us in a confessional that the game isn't fair, because he and Vecepia are playing "a whole 'nother mental game" that the others don't even know about, and that you have to "when you're a person of color and you're the only one." He complains that the others don't have to worry, because they can just be themselves. Meanwhile, Sean and Vecepia have to be themselves, but also hold back a bit. He adds, "And on top of that, she believes in God. I believe in God, and we're bound by Christ!" He says that common religious beliefs are a stronger bond than race. Vecepia jokes to Sean that she can already tell what people will say about them, and Sean says they will be called "two ungrateful Negroes." He says people will say, "You take them on an island and they [sic] still complainin'!" The scene concludes with Sean saying, "Where's your Al Sharpton now?" and then he and Vecepia crack themselves up.