Dinner, Movie and a Betrayal

First and foremost, thanks to Wing Chun for overnight-ing a tape from Toronto to Baltimore because my VCR horked. ["Aw." -- Wing Chun] Now you can all have a recap, and I can have fun with Canadian commercials!

Last week on Survivor, Lex Loser's gut instinct and sense of smell led him to blame Kelly for Teresa's vote in the Tribal Council. Brandon joined the Cult of Lex, and turned on his Samburu roots.

It's now Day 25, and Lex Loser's face is superimposed over a moon; then day breaks, and his face fades away. The editors are getting clever with these "special" effects. Brandon picks at his eye boogers, and then Lex Loser tells us that camp has been grim since the evening's "emotion-packed" Tribal Council. He explains that there are now two divisions within Mofo Maji: those who voted against Lex, and those who voted against Kelly. He says that the tribe is waiting for the "smoke and ash" to settle before they figure out what's going on. In New York, they're still waiting for the smoke and ash to settle. Sigh. In any case, Lex Loser insists that the biggest issue the S8 face in the game is trust, meaning, "Who do you trust, and who do you believe?" He philosophizes, "When you think about it, in life, that's kind of the foundation that you base everything on." We see dramatic headshots of the other members of the tribe. Frank slaps at his arm, but a deer antler would probably come in much handier for those hard-to-reach itches. A praying mantis-like bug snares a fly and gobbles it up. A dust cloud stirs itself up into a little tornado. Two gazelles flee a scene. Any scene. And then a monkey just sits there looking harmless. One of these things is not like the other ones. If I had to guess, I'd say the monkey had something up his sleeve. If he had a sleeve.

We join Ethan and Lex Loser as they gather firewood together. Ethan says he doesn't trust Brandon because he so willingly turned on his friends in the vote against Kelly. Lex Loser responds, "That's what they say." Which means, I suppose, that he's pretending to question whether Brandon ever allied himself with Kimp and Teresa? In a confessional, Kimp explains that Brandon's vote was shocking because she's trusted Brandon for "twenty-four straight days." She doesn't further explain that twenty-four straight days is a long time...in the life of an African fruit fly. Kimp continues that she thought Brandon was her friend and she had completely believed that he was being true to her. She says, "I'm really burnt up today for sure. I mean, I can't understand it." Kimp emphatically tells Kimj and Teresa how she was set up by Brandon, and then she grabs her face like she's smearing something on it. It's not pretty, but it appropriately demonstrates her significant angst.

In a confessional, Ethan tells us that Brandon and Lex Loser have developed a "supposedly strong bond." This is followed by a conversation between Lex Loser and Ethan (the latter of whom is wearing his innocuous little glasses -- he could never be a member of Elisabeth's family) in which Ethan points out that Brandon may be loyal to Lex Loser, but that he doesn't have any allegiance to the other members of the Boran alliance. Lex Loser insists, "Brandon saved our skin." He says he won't forget that, and crazy-eyes, "If I think that both Brandon and Frank are sure bets to vote for each other, I'll vote for the guy that did me a favor, not for the guy that's been trying to screw me." This week, he counts on his own fingers because Tom isn't around.

Segue to Lex Loser whispering to Kimj and Ethan about having been forced to save their asses in the Tribal Council because Kelly wasn't going to help them. He then tries to claim that he ate some bad cornmeal that compromised the decision-making abilities of his gut. Actually, he blames the other members of Boran as he says that he regrets the choice now, but that he acted because someone had to. He guilt-trips, "I do not want to make that decision anymore. It's a position I didn't ask for in the first place, and I've been put in it and I don't like it." There's manic finger-pointing throughout this statement. Kimj punctuates the finger-pointing with exclamations of agreement, but I think her response might be patronizing. Anyone who believes that Lex Loser didn't want to be the tribe's decision-maker deserves to be voted out. Kimj deserves to be voted out anyway. Not that I don't like Kimj, but this game is called Survivor, and she couldn't survive a trip to the Mondawmin Mall Division of Motor Vehicles here in Baltimore. Lex Loser continues preaching about the tribe being full of nothing but doubt and lack of trust. He insists, "You guys need to help me figure this one out; I'm not gonna do it by myself."

Ethan tells us in a confessional that Lex Loser is 100% confident that Brandon will be loyal to him until the end, but that Ethan and Tom are not convinced. Ethan's hair is looking awfully snaky these days. It's cool hair, but lately it's been straddling the line between cool and creeping me out. Tom, who looks really thin this week -- for Big Tom, that is -- loses another piece of his already meager grasp on the English language this week. As he and Frank hold opposite ends of a water-carrying pole, he says, "Waiting on these women is same all time no matter if you're in Africa, in 'Ginny, New York...you still gotta wait on 'em." Frank thinks it would take twice as long if the women had a mirror. I guess Clarence didn't leave his compact behind when he was voted off. Tom says, "And how many we got in there? Three?" to which Frank responds, "Too many." Tom is amazed that they've "got three damn women and it's still thirty minutes!"

This conversation is followed by a gratuitous shot of some female body part being washed. After a few viewings, I've determined that the anatomy being squeegeed here is the bottom of Kimp's seated upper thigh. Tom does a little jig by the water hole. It's very cute, and if you missed it, you should be sorry, because you would have enjoyed it. Teresa's bathing suit is from the 1930s. Brandon watches the bathing, and tells us in a voice-over that things have been tense around Mofo Maji because he went against his group the night when he voted Kelly off. He knows that the old Samburu tribe is not pleased with him, but explains, "I wasn't gonna to align myself with Frank. That wasn't gonna happen, and they should have known better than that." He insists that he would rather go home in three days than have anyone back home think he sided with Frank. But apparently he doesn't mind having anyone back home know that he is willing to betray his closest friend out of anger against someone else. We see another shot of Brandon poolside, all sneaky-looking, while Lex Loser in the background maniacally pulls out his hair. Seriously, he's pulling out his hair, and I've just determined that every adverb preceding any verb describing an action of Lex Loser's should be "maniacally." Tom washes Brandon's hair for him. Okay, he doesn't wash it, but he pours the water over it. Sadly, the shampoo does not appear to be Herbal Essences.

In a confessional, Lex Loser snarks that Frank just decided, "I'm gonna be a jerk about this thing." He tells us that Frank's negative attitude has set the tone for the past three days. Lex Loser says nothing at all about the tone his manic rat-sniffing and gut-following tangent have set. Lex Loser says that Frank approached him about forming an alliance, but that Lex Loser's alliances were already set and he didn't feel comfortable making another agreement. He claims he was "fully straight up" with Frank on the issue. Lex Loser thinks Frank was pissed off at him because Brandon is "Public Enemy #1" to Frank. In a new confessional, Lex Loser tells us that he feels it's time for Frank to go. He says Frank is always in a sour mood, and Lex Loser can't deal with it anymore, because Frank brings down morale and is a pain in the butt. Jeez, Lex Loser, tell us how you really feel. Meanwhile, Frank inspects his socks. Were I Lex Loser, I'd be demoralized, too, by such blatant negative activity.

The sun is hot; we get it. A gong sounds. If I got on Survivor, I'd want my luxury item to be a gong. That way, I could conveniently provide the appropriate sound effects. I wouldn't, however, be able to provide, using my gong, the magnified buzzing of flies. Teresa whispers while she comments on the aggressiveness of the flies. One can never be too careful, I suppose. A few lions shrug off flies. A few monkeys shrug off flies. A bird shrugs off flies. A few humans shrug off flies. Kimj tells us that the flies are "rampant," and that if you wave your hand and touch one, the fly just stays where it is. She says that, at home, if she has a single fly in her kitchen, she goes "ballistic." In Africa, she feels like a baboon "picking, picking, picking" at the flies. She tells us, "When we go back home, we'll probably look like nervous wrecks just picking at ourselves all the time." Kimj also briefly mentions picking at scabs. This woman's conversation is charming. The most brazen of all the flies (the lord, you might say, of the flies) scuttles across the camera lens, and then a baboon scratches his butt.

Horror-movie-style music plays as Tom lies on his back squeezing something nasty that's growing on his neck. Based on the way he's extending his tongue, he also may be trying to lick it. Ethan tells us that Tom has "a massive boil," and he's unable to stop looking at it; we see a shot of Ethan with his nose wedged into Tom's neck. Tom says it feels like "having a damn horn coming out of your neck," and Ethan describes the growth as "like third eye, extra brain, I don't know." He says he can't look Tom in the eyes, and keeps looking at his neck instead. As Ethan tells us he's never seen a boil that big, a clip reveals him sneaking another look at Tom's neck while Tom pretends to look away. In a confessional, Tom tells us that he's seen all the African beasts, and "most of the animals that are fit and strong usually have a horn." He points to rhinos and antelopes to illustrate his point, but we see a shot of a giraffe. Tom concludes, "So I'm growin' a horn to fight off the beast that comes...and mainly, it's comin' from inside the camp." Tom then goofs around, pretending to have horns and making animal-with-horn noises while the other members of the tribe watch with amusement. Lex Loser thinks the boil is making Tom crazy. If it's infected, it certainly could induce delirium. But Tom's a bit delirious anyway, so we can't blame an infected boil -- not even a nasty, infected boil like that one. Kimj touches the growth, and then Brandon applies some kind of medicine to it. Tom explains, "When you got sumpin' like this, they just can't keep their hands off it!" This statement is followed by numerous shots of the S8 examining and poking at Tom's neck. Brandon tells us that Tom also had a growth under his arm two weeks ago, and he squeezed it; it popped, and "tons of stuff seeped out." He says it would have filled up a shot glass. Tom then pretends to pull a twig out of his nose while feigning discomfort and I can't figure out what that has to do with the shot-glass-filling pustule on his neck. But we don't leave the boil alone for long, because the shot is a close-up of the festering abscess; if I were to play Ethan's "identify the extra body part" game, I'd say it looked like a pair of lips. Tom tells us that "women like to squeeze and cause pain to men," because it's a way for them to get revenge. He concludes, "Some things you want 'em to touch, they won't. Some things you don't want 'em to touch, they will."

Ethan and Frank fetch the mail, which contains a clue about strength, ability, and brains. I'd say our S8 are out of luck. The reward is an "evening getaway," and they should "each choose a friend" with whom to compete in the challenge. The clue is not very cryptic, and recycles the "outwit, outlast, and outplay" part of the show's motto. Back at camp, the tribe deliberates as to how to pair up fairly. Lex Loser thinks that if they start choosing teams, "it's gonna get uglier than it already is," and no one pulls a Jerri. They decide to choose from a hat, and Kimj is happy to end up on the same team as Ethan; Ethan feigns the same excitement. Actually, Kimj should be scared to be on Ethan's team. Impulsive clumsiness may be hazardous to the health of those around you. Tom and Kimp are another team, and they dub themselves "Big Bear/Little Bear." The last two teams are Teresa and Lex Loser, and Brandon and Frank. Mark Burnett's good, I tell you. He's even bribed their baseball caps. The tribe thinks the Brandon/Frank pairing is hysterical, but if they knew the truth about Teresa's vote for Lex Loser two councils back, they'd double their fun.

Blues music plays as Frank tells us, "Believe me, I did not pick Brandon." He says that Brandon would be the last person on earth he would select for a partner, and that "big old Tom got a big bellyful on this one." Meanwhile, Brandon coquettishly drinks water. Who even knew that was possible? In a confessional, Tom tells us that Frank's "disposition is about eighty years old." He says if he were Brandon, he couldn't have thought of a more tortuous thing to do to Frank than to partner with him. Tom is gleefully amused, and dances around over the odd pairing. Brandon tells us in a confessional that he and Frank are "polar opposites," and that if they lived door to each other, they'd never exchange words. Well, my life was the polar opposite of my key-losing, tool-stealing, held-hostage-by- her-drug-dealing-ex-boyfriend former neighbor, but we had our fair share of verbal repartee. Actually, that's not exactly true; mostly we turned out the lights and hid when we saw her sitting on our front porch at four in the morning. Ah, Baltimore. Visit soon, hon.

In any case, Tom tells us that he and Kimp are partnered, but that they haven't interacted with each other very much in the game so far. We see them bonding and being very chatty. Ah, shades of Elisabeth and Rodger. Tom continues, "If it's physical, we're gonna win. But if it's anything mental, we're screwed." Kimp and Tom goof off. Kimp encourages Tom to follow her lead as she does a cartwheel and he does nothing remotely resembling a cartwheel. He does jive walk, though, which is worth about fifteen cartwheels in my book. Maybe even a front handspring. Back handsprings are trump, though. The two look like they're having fun together, and it's good to see Kimp loosen up. She tells us in a confessional that it's hard for her to differentiate between playing the game strategically and forging relationships with the other members of Mofo Maji. As they both jive walk, Tom says, "We bad!" They decide they need a team name, and Tom comes up with "Big & Little." Tom feels the need to reinforce to Kimp, "You Little. You Little." Then, they bop fists. Kimp tells us that Big Tom is a good person, and she's excited to be paired up with him. Plus, he's big and strong so they might have a chance to win the challenge. Tom continues teasing Frank about being teamed with Brandon. Frank laughs it off and shakes his head, but clearly he is not all that amused. Now Tom has his arm around Kimp, and they're marching in tandem. Kimp looks over her shoulder, crosses her fingers, and insists, "We're like this." I suppose this clip is supposed to highlight for us how far from being "like this" Brandon and Frank are. I guess the proper description would be that they're "like that." Frank tells us it's funny to see everyone else matched up, but that in being partnered with Brandon, his "camping trip just went to hell, that's all." As he says this, we see yet another shot of Brandon batting his eyelashes and smiling prettily.

The teams arrive at the reward challenge, which Peachy describes as "a good old-fashioned Survivor obstacle course." The route includes a cargo net; the "timber tumble"; a rope climb (of which the S8 have the option to climb a rope or a rope ladder in order to ring a bell); the belly crawl (which turns out, for some contestants, to be the same as the timber tumble); three climbing walls; a ladder assembly; and the final use of said assembled ladder to scale the finish line: a ten-foot wall. "Under the African sky," the members of the victorious team will then have their own private "outdoor movie experience" with candy, popcorn, and "all the Mountain Dew [they] can drink." On hearing that this is the reward, the S8 mostly look perplexed. The teams will compete in heats; the first round pits Brandon and Frank against Tom and Kimp. Off to a good start, Tom continues to amaze me in the challenges. Then again, he's only forty-six years old, and I'm deceived by the fact that he looks like he's in his mid-sixties. We hear Peachy advise Brandon to "hold up" at one point, so maybe the partners have to complete each phase of the challenge together, even though no one else bothers, and through the rest of the challenge, Brandon never waits for Frank. Peachy instructs the teams that their first person may approach the ladder construction area, but can't start working until the other teammate arrives. It's difficult, during this challenge, to tell who's ahead, and by how much. We watch Lex Loser conclude that Brandon and Frank are ahead and that "it's theirs," and so it is. I'm fairly positive that Tom yells "Bitch!" as he struggles with the ladder; meanwhile Brandon positively prances across the finish line.

Round two finds Lex Loser and Teresa competing against Kimj and Ethan. Surprisingly, Kimj and Ethan make it through without killing themselves or each other. In fact, they both appear to spend less than 50% of the challenge falling over. They have a good pattern down: Ethan climbs over the "timber tumble" while Kimj crawls under it. Then Ethan climbs the rope while Kimj climbs the rope ladder. As they endure the belly crawl, Ethan keeps telling Kimj to "get that butt down." Hee. Lex Loser is a really good belly crawler, but so are snakes. Kimj, who was holding her own very well in the early part of the challenge, is suddenly behind, and Peachy tells Ethan, "You can't start on the ladder without her, though." Ethan advises Kimj to take her time, and I'll bet he's a pretty good soccer coach. Lex Loser and Teresa evidently have a difficult time with the ladder construction because suddenly Kimj and Ethan are crossing the finish line hand-in-hand.