Last week on Survivor: Sonja got snuffed. B.B. irritated his team by having a work ethic; life experience is a buzzkill at Club Survivor. Stacey won my permanent disdain by wearing a floppy island-motif bow in her hair. Does she think this is sorority rush? She must have left her pearls at home.
Before I begin: things did not work out between me and Sean. It's over and I've accepted it. I just can't compete with his super-pole. Nor would I want to.
We hear the same shtick from Jeff Probst before the credits. I've only seen Rock & Roll Jeopardy twice, but I don't recall him being nearly as annoying as he is on this show. In case you missed last week (and hordes of media attention), "thirty-nine days, sixteen castaways, one million dollars" sums it up quite nicely. Don't ask me to say it again.
At Tagi Day 4, Stacey whines that she is hungry. She's starved herself before, but not for profit. I think the CBS honchos need to let us into the loop here; "dire" isn't the word I'd use to describe the crates of food I watched them unpack last week. It's a lot more than I have in my cupboards. The tribe seems oddly excited to eat rat; maybe Susan's been talking it up. Having seen combat, however, a couple of days sans brie and Beaujolais are just fun and games for Rudy.
As Richard, Kelly, Sean and Stacey (who resembles Diane Lane in this scene) head out on the raft, we learn that they've been baiting traps with crabs. I don't understand why don't they just eat the crabs. Richard wants to know more about Stacey since he voted for her last week. I don't need to know her any better to know I don't like her. Richard then tells us that Stacey thinks Rudy voted for her and that she's not worried about it because "he's anyway." She then continues her smear campaign against him, saying he's doing "inappropriate" things in the kitchen that cause knives to rust in mere hours. She calls him a "liability," but I think she's just using big words hoping the others will just assume big words make sense. Rudy shows that he didn't learn much in kindergarten when he cryptically tells us, "Me and her wouldn't get along. If we were friends on the outside I'd definitely avoid her." He then says that after three weeks in the jungle Stacey will learn her lesson. Please God don't let her make it to three weeks. But if she does, make it a lesson of the malarial sort, okay?
“ Stacey downs her worm; she's done her share of tequila shots. ”
At Pagong, Ramoaner says, "Oh, I'll swallow everything." Except normal fruit. B.B. thinks it would be best to "lighten the load." At first, Gretchen thinks he's suggesting a coup against Ramoaner, but then she realizes he wants to "engineer an escape route" for himself. Gretchen walks away shaking her head. Both Ramoaner and Gervase use the words "suck face"...I mean, "save face" when describing B.B.'s plan in confessionals. The faux nobility of the group as they refuse B.B.'s request irritates me. Gretchen says the "name of the game" is to "stay together as long as you can," but we know they'll eventually all be stabbing each other in the back. And besides, I thought the name of the game was Survivor.
As the S15 make their way to the immunity challenge, Jeff Probst sits at the head of a rustic table that would make Martha proud. He gleefully reveals a fishbowl filled with fat yellow squirmy beetle larvae, Butok, and explains that the first person who refuses to eat one loses the immunity challenge for his or her tribe. Jeff takes way too much pleasure from assigning these tasks; as the contest begins he urges the contestants to "bite the head off" and not to "just get the tail." I think he should demonstrate. Gervase is incredibly agitated; he slaps himself, shakes his head, and obsessively licks his thumbs as he prepares to lift and eat his Butok. He can barely touch the thing, but he finally manages to down it. These things must have a thick, mealy consistency; it takes the S15 a while to bite into, chew and swallow them. They then have to stick out the tongue to prove there's no Butok residue left. Sean swallows and then looks horrified. Stacey downs hers; she's done her share of tequila shots. Rudy looks like he's tossing back some popcorn and Jenna and Richard toast each other with their Butok. Colleen pronouncedly chomps and chews on hers in a bizarre way. When they're all done, Jeff self-congratulatorily announces that he thought everyone would complete the task. The tiebreaker: each tribe must pick the other's most squeamish person who will then compete in a Butok-eating contest. Pagong picks Stacey, and I can't figure out why; she ate the damn thing whole. Tagi, obviously, picks Gervase. Stacey and Gervase each have two Butok; on the count of three they dig in. I don't know why Stacey didn't shoot hers in succession like she did her appetizer. After a good bit of sped-up footage and lots of vigorous chewing shots, Stacey sticks out her incredibly long tongue and is pronounced the winner. Gervase spews his on the ground and I'm wondering what the animal rights people have to say about this. Stacey and Richard hug. Yuck and Yuckier. As Pagong walks away, Gretchen waits for B.B. and he pats her on the back. I think they have the nicest relationship on the show, even if it is based on B.B.'s male superiority complex and Gretchen's patronization of this attitude. (And I just checked B.B.'s bio; he has three daughters. What an "interesting dynamic" -- to borrow a phrase from Richard -- that must be.)
“ Once again, Jeff wants to induce some warm fuzzies prior to taking the vote. Or maybe he just wants to stretch out his time in front of the camera since it probably won't last much longer, if the viewing audience has anything to do with it. ”
Back at Pagong, we get more words of wisdom from Ramoaner: "Tribal Council. It's kinda like judgement day on earth, kinda [sic]. That's, like, so daunting. You're like, whoa." Well, doesn't that just sum it up perfectly? The team paints their faces. Ramoaner goes on to say that she doesn't like this because she has no say over whether she stays or goes. Isn't that the point? Ramoaner's degree must have passed Sean's in the mail. Jenna says that she'd vote for Ramoaner. B.B. tells us he'd vote for Joel or Ramoaner. Gretchen bequeaths her tube top to B.B. if she gets the boot, and B.B. responds that he'll leave his towel behind, but he's taking his chopsticks with him. In a confessional he says, "If Gretchen or I would leave this tribe, that'd be like dropping the atomic bomb here." Good thing Kelly brought her bead bag; she'll need it during the nuclear fallout.
Regis...I mean, "Jeff" talks about the tribe's "dreaded hike" to Tribal Council while we see shots of Pagong basically skipping and strutting along. When they arrive, Jeff continues his campaign to become the most melodramatic person on television by claiming, "It's not by accident that Tribal Council is located in the center of the jungle. What happens here is sacred. It needs to be respected." Well, my intelligence needs to be respected, and this isn't cutting it. When the tribe lights the torches, it looks like they're roasting marshmallows. Once again, Jeff wants to induce some warm fuzzies prior to taking the vote. Or maybe he just wants to stretch out his time in front of the camera since it probably won't last much longer, if the viewing audience has anything to do with it. Jenna says that it will be like "losing a family member" and that there will be a "large empty gap in the bed tonight." I don't know about her family, but mine doesn't often share sleeping arrangements.
The Pagong tribe members begin voting. B.B. votes for Ramoaner and says, "I think this person contribute [sic] probably the least of anyone in all of our efforts." Gretchen tells us she chose B.B. because he's a "get out of jail free" card. Maybe they had a conversation we weren't shown, but it looked as though B.B. wanted to stay at the end, so this seemed like a pretty big betrayal on her part. Greg says, "I think it's time for Ramoaner to go." His Ivy League education makes him the only one to figure out that B.B. did a hell of a lot more than Ramoaner. Joel is rather smug and wordy and ultimately says, "Right now [B.B.]'s the best choice."
Jeff skips off in his designer safari gear to tally the votes and reiterates on his return that this is a final decision. He also says that the person voted off has to leave immediately and that there are "no goodbyes." Sonja got goodbyes; did something change? Jeff reads the votes aloud: two for Ramoaner; five for B.B., and since I like B.B. I find this extremely painful. The tribe has spoken; B.B.'s torch is snuffed and he shuffles off down the dark widely-cut trail, hands in his pockets. Ramoaner looks like she can't believe someone actually voted for her. She should get used to it.
As the credits roll, we learn that the last vote was Jenna's; she voted for B.B., despite what she said earlier, making her a liar or the editors more manipulative than usual. B.B. tells us, "I think what I did was the right way." Keep right on doing it all the way back to the mainland. I'll miss you, B.B.
week on Survivor: Dirk bangs his Bible really loud.