The Local Weather

So this episode starts out with Dharma and Greg being not quite over because ABC coverage of the Stupor Tuesday primaries ran a little long. I talked a little bit about the odious process of simulcasting in a recap, but it was a major deal this week, so I'll go over it again. In Canada, when local affiliates of our major networks (especially CTV and Global) run a program that's being shown at the same time on an American network, the Canadian broadcaster interrupts the American signal with the Canadian one as a way of selling advertising to local companies. This process assumes that Canadians would choose to watch the American broadcast instead of the Canadian one. The only time it's a major issue for viewers is during the Super Bowl, when sports fans hear about $2-million-for-30-seconds ad spots for companies like Budweiser and internet companies, but because Global carries the Super Bowl, we get ads that look to cost about $50 for 30 seconds for Al's Autobody just down the street. So this week, the Global broadcast of Dharma and Greg ended on time, since Global didn't carry American political coverage (go figure). So when the Global broadcast of D&G clicked off (since it doesn't carry Sports Night, opting for Frasier instead), there was still another ten minutes left on the ABC signal. That wouldn't be a problem, except the Global affiliate also carries ABC's NYPD Blue at the top of the hour, so when Global started showing NYPD Blue, it overrode the American ABC signal which still had a few minutes left in the delayed Sports Night episode. Is that clear? It looked pretty obvious that ABC cut a scene or two from SN to try to make up some time, and I never did get to see Coming Up Week scenes. Everybody knows that ABC doesn't really seem to care all that much about SN, but I have some advice for the execs over there: time you have to cut a Tuesday night program? Cut D&G instead. To placate the relatively-small segment of D&G fans who can read and write, I will provide, free of charge, recaps of any upcoming D&G episode that you can put on the ABC website and D&G's fans don't have to miss a thing. So here it is, the precap for all upcoming episodes of Dharma & Greg: Zany situations arise when Greg and the upper-class sensibilities of his parents collide with Dharma and her parents' groovy "flower power" vibe. Memo to Dharma's parents: The Sixties are over, dudes! In the event of a sad episode, everything is resolved by the end of the half-hour, just like in real life. The end.

There. Now everybody's happy.

This episode of Sports Night starts off with Dan in his therapist's office and he is doing that thing that TV characters do with their shrinks, which is pretending that they don't need a session when generally they need one more than ever; and of course Abby is doing that agreeable shrink thing that therapists do to try to draw out their more messed-up clients, i.e. Dan Rydell. I think Abby can tell something is wrong with Dan because he hasn't shaved today and his hair's not brushed. Dan makes to leave and Abby asks him what time he has, like get a clock, Abby, and Dan says, "29, 8 and a quarter," so of course Abby says, "What?" and Dan gives his head a shake and says, "Five after 10," and Abby says, "Shall we get started?" Dan is still pretending he doesn't need a session and Abby, the ever astute psychiatrist, asks "What's 29, 8 and a quarter?" and Dan says "Nothing," and then we get this quick flashback cut to the SN gang watching something on a monitor and celebrating. At first I thought Dan was breaking down because he got his ass kicked at Celebrities last week, but it's something else, something that happened last night. Abby wants to know what, but Secret Agent Dan says he can't tell her. He explains that it involves the results of a sporting event that happened late last night in New Zealand that CSC is showing on tape delay almost 24 hours later, so Dan can't tell her what the results are. He says the interesting thing is that at the beginning of the week he couldn't care less about it. That's not interesting. Anyway, we now know that this will be the main storyline for this episode, which should be titled "How Dan Came To Care About A Track Meet In Auckland" but it remains to be seen whether or not I'll care. What's interesting to me is that essentially, Dan is recapping what happened this week to Abby, so it's like I'm recapping Dan's recap. Dan says he doesn't really care about track and field. He admires the athleticism and all, but for him there needs to be an opponent. I really hope my track star buddy Nevin didn't watch this episode, since he'd be likely to point out to Dan that there are opponents in track and field, but in some events, competitors take turns. When Abby says it looks like he gets excited about it on television, Dan explains it's his job to look excited and I have to say it was a pretty dumb comment for her to make. Dan says "When it's showtime, it's showtime." Flashback!

Last night's show, we're in the control room. People are saying lots of control room stuff. Jeremy walks in and Dana wants to know what is "in" the computer that he's waiting for. In a surprise move, Dana appears to be poking her nose in someone else's business this week. She points out he's been checking his e-mail all day. Jeremy says he's been waiting for a letter from his sister, when he's probably actually waiting for confirmation from Microsoft that he will be receiving a big fat cheque for helping them test their new e-mail tracking program, or helping a little Dutch boy with polio send his message all over the world, or something. Then Natalie gets a live feed from Auckland where a bald black man named Oscar in a red white and blue track suit is at the "Millennial Games" (whatever). In his best Ladies' Man voice, Oscar says, "Is that Natalie?" and they flirt via long-distance small talk for a while. Oscar admits to being nervous and Natalie asks if he jumps better than he talks and Oscar says, "I do almost everything better than I talk," like keep it in your pants, Oscar, except Natalie only compounds the stupidity by suggesting that Oscar come up and prove it to her. Sounds to me like Natalie wants to do a little pole-vaulting.

At the desk, Casey wants Dan to get excited about the track meet, but Dan sees nothing exciting about a guy jumping far into a pit of sand. Casey explains that the guy's going to break the world record and Dan just kind of whatevers Casey, who predicts that the jump will be "29' 5"" and then a TC snatches script out of their hands just before they go live. Dan gives annoying teasers about the Sharks getting "jiggy" in San Jose and a Shaq attack in Hackensack (OK, I laughed at that last one). Casey gives a teaser to the track meet in New Zealand. Commercials on "Sports Night" and on Sports Night.

Back from commercial, Casey and Dan are interviewing Oscar about the jump and how much pressure is on him since "we all knew you were going to break the record in Atlanta, and of course, the death of your father on the eve of the Games kept you out of the competition..." I really love that "we all knew you were going to break the record" bit. It's too bad Dan and Casey didn't work the Atlanta Olympics, because if there was one thing those Games needed, it was biased, root root root for the home team coverage by American broadcasters. Anyway. Oscar blah blah blahs about pressure and how this is his last chance to break the record because he's 33 and his legs have stopped getting stronger. Or something. Casey says there are a lot of people here rooting for him, so "strap those wings on your feet and knock us dead." It's fine with me that the I'm assuming predominantly American cast and crew at CSC are likely rooting for Oscar, but I think Casey ought to try to maintain at least the appearance of objectivity. Second, I'd like to think the "wings on the feet" was a reference to Mercury (although in that case it would have been better suited to a long jumper named Alex Nickapopolous or something) but what with Casey being a dork and all, he probably meant the Flash. Either way, those guys were known for speed, not jumping ability. It's great that Casey doesn't have a hero worship problem or anything. Dan, who really can't be bothered to appear at all enthused (despite what Abby said), says "A reminder from our promo department..." like nice promo of the promo department, Dan who then explains that CSC will be showing the track meet "live on tape delay" and then he actually makes fun ON AIR of how he actually has to say "live on tape delay." Why we weren't treated to a scene of Dana or Isaac chewing Danny out for his unprofessionalism is beyond me, like he can't stop laughing at how stupid the "live on tape delay" concept is all through his outro.

Back to Abby's office, who says Mike Powell has the long jump record. Dan's not all that impressed she knows it, and asks her who held it before Powell. She doesn't know. The answer is Bob Beamon. I know it says so later in the show, but I really did know that. Truth be told, I'd have had a harder time coming up with Mike Powell, since Beamon held the record forever. Abby says, "So the world has to wait until tonight to find out if your guy did it," and Dan says, "Not the whole world, just this half of it," which is ridiculous, considering all the other choices a track enthusiast might have to get the information, including radio, the Internet or how about CSC's competitors, pretty much all of which get much higher ratings than CSC? I doubt too many track fans will be tuning in almost 24 hours with bated breath to find out if Oscar broke the record. Abby has her rather nice legs up on her desk. More back-and-forth about whether Dan needs a session or not. Dan finds out he's paying for today anyway, since he didn't give 24 hours' notice, which he says is a bit of a turnoff and Abby says, "The last thing I want to do is turn you on." Maybe you should keep those legs off the desk, Betty Grable, that isn't exactly an ankle-length skirt you have on there. Then Dan says, "Speaking of getting turned on..." and segues into the recap of the Jeremy Does Jenny storyline (Abby already knows the SN cast of characters). "Jeremy's in love with an adult film actress," says Dan. "A porn star?" asks Abby. "I believe they prefer to be called adult film actresses," says Dan, and this is a joke we have to hear about 600 more times over tonight's episode, so let me just say this: "Sanitation expert and a maintenance engineer/A garbageman, a janitor and you, my dear." I know Westerberg was singing about stewardesses, not porn stars, but it's in keeping with the whole "prefers to be called" vibe.

Back in the newsroom, Dana is reminding Dan about the non-disclosure agreement regarding the track meet and Dan basically says that a) the information wouldn't be hard to get (which is what I said) and b) who cares about a track meet in New Zealand anyway. Then Dana calls Jeremy to the rundown meeting and he says he'll be right there and he checks his e-mail and we hear a computer voice say "Welcome. You got mail." (what is this, ebonics-mail?) only Jeremy stares at the screen like the computer just said "Get out! The call is coming from inside the house!" Commercials.

Back in Abby the Shrink's office, Abby is for some reason writing down the records that Bob Beamon and Mike Powell held because she's pretending she wants to watch the tape delay later. She notes that Powell beat Beamon's record by "only" an inch and three-quarters and Dan politely explains that that's "100 miles" in track and field, which is true. Dan says the distance between first and second place is also 100 miles, which I also agree with. Dan tells Abby about Jackie Robinson's younger brother who ran the 100 metres faster than anyone else had run it before and still came in second. Abby said she didn't know Jackie Robinson had a younger brother, which is Dan's point exactly since the year was 1936 and Jesse Owens kicked ass all over that Olympics. Abby, switching gears, says that a friend of hers thought it was odd that Casey made the Top 100 list and Dan didn't. Dan, all paranoid, says the only reason the guy would have brought that up to her was if he knew Dan was a patient of hers, which Abby denies. Dan says his point is that an inch is forever in track and field.

Flashback! Last night as the boys wrap up the show. Casey is trying to sell the track and field get-together and all the different types of foods that will be there, which would be all the different types of food Casey had to bribe people with just so they'd hang out with him. Dan is blowing it off since he doesn't like track and field. In Big Booming Annoying Voice, Casey keeps saying "Danny!" which would mean instant death for Casey if he ever took that tone with me. Then Casey has the gall to suggest that he thinks there's a "residual Top 100 thing going on here," except he says it pretty flippantly, and not at all with genuine sympathy or concern -- you know, like you usually get from friends -- even though he knows it was bothering Danny. Dan denies this and Casey hopes Dan will change his mind. Jeremy is sitting at his desk staring at his computer and Dan sits his ass down on the desk and says, "What is going on with you and e-mail?" Why everybody is making it their business to harass Jeremy like this is beyond me. Jeremy, getting less and less dorkily charming and more and more pathetically desperate by the minute, explains that Jenny sent him e-mail saying that she wanted to meet him at a certain place and time, but that he can't make it then, so he e-mailed her back but he can see that she hasn't opened it yet. Dan grills Jeremy about Jenny and when Dan finds out she's a porn star, just says "Oh, man," and walks away from the desk, leaving Jeremy looking very worried.

Back in Abby's office, Dan says he's not sure why he reacted that way. Abby, curled up on the couch with her legs unfortunately covered by some kind of afghan, suggests he was jealous. Dan thinks that over. Then he says, "It rained really hard last night." Flashback!

Jeremy, on his way out, is accosted by Casey, who wants to know where he's going, Jeremy explains that he has to go meet someone to tell them he can't meet them but he'll be back. Casey sees Dana going out and starts hurdling desks to catch her (which was really annoying) and harangues her into picking up the food. Dana is acting really weird -- she's probably pissed that her story was cut this week.

In the bar, Jenny, or Cuteness Personified, shows up and is wet because she didn't know it was going to rain. Jenny is about to order a drink when Jeremy says he sent her a second e-mail that she hadn't read. He launches into this speech: "Look, I don't mind sitting here having a drink with you, but just so you know, there isn't going to be any kind of relationship" like what a truly obnoxious and assumptive thing to say. Jenny gets mad and says "You 'don't mind' sitting here having a drink with me? God, I'm walking on air." Then she busts on him for the other part of his speech and says she thinks he means that he just wants to get drunk with a porn star, go back to her place and not have to worry about it in the morning, which is not at all what Jeremy just said. I have to say, for a porn star, Jenny is pretty hypersensitive to what other people think. Jeremy defends himself and Jenny acknowledges that while it might be tough to explain to his parents what she does (his parents already? Good luck) that it takes more to get her into bed than Jeremy's smooth talk. Jeremy says, "Yeah, unless you're playing the role of Cass, the New Pool Boy." I never saw the sign-up sheet for auditions for that role. Jenny slaps him. "You think I haven't heard that one before?" she cries, and storms out. Uh, Jeremy's probably certain you've heard it many times before, which is kind of the problem, Jenny. He walks out after her to give her his umbrella and she doesn't want to take it. Then she makes fun of him because he can't stand outside in the rain without an umbrella. He annoyingly says that he learned when he was young that if he stood outside in the rain that he'd get wet. The oh-so-fearless Jenny says she learned when she was young that if she got wet she'd dry off. Of course, the umbrella here represents Jeremy's fear of taking chances. 'Scuse me while I yawn at the sky. Jenny blah blahs about getting over fears. Jeremy blows her off by saying, "It was nice knowin' ya, Jenny" and starts to walk off. As Jenny heads back inside, Jeremy points out that she's wearing a raincoat. Jenny doesn't know what he's getting at and he explains that it was raining when she left her apartment so it's not like she doesn't care about getting wet. He suggests that all her blah-blah about not being afraid of the rain is really just to cover up the fact that she feels dumb for not having an umbrella. Whatever, Sigmund Columbo. Then Jenny gives the worst delivery of a line ever and says, "Is it raining? I hadn't noticed." Oh wait, that was Andie MacDowell. Sorry. Still, Jeremy makes a lot of reasonable points about how Jenny passes herself off as free and uninhibited to cover up for things not going as she planned, e.g. "'I have a degree in dance from Juilliard. I make X-rated movies now, but that's how I meant it to be." Jenny looks like Jeremy is hitting pretty close to home with this. She says she's going inside until the rain stops, Jeremy repeats his offer of the umbrella. Jenny declines and goes inside.