This episode starts with the boys live and Dan delivering a line about some basketball player having a terrible game. Then instead of a clip of the guy commenting on his own performance like any other sports show in the world would have, Dan just tells the viewers that Reid said "my head just wasn't in the game." Dan then says, "Anyone knowing the whereabouts of Reid's head should contact the proper authorities." It's not a bad line, but delivery is everything and Dan sounds like he's been novocained. However, Dana still goes into paroxysms of laughter in the control room. On a few monitors around the control room, we see footage of what appears to be a riot. Dana repeats the line for the benefit of Natalie, who doesn't respond with what Dana has determined to be an appropriate amount of hysterical laughter. In fact, Natalie looks a little dishevelled, and by "dishevelled" I mean it looks like she hasn't washed her hair or something, which I guess would be the result of her breakup with Jeremy. Dana realizes something's wrong when Natalie snaps at her, but she shakes it off and attempts to share the joy of Danny's Zinger with Jeremy. He obviously isn't in the mood for joking around either, but his hair is too short for me to be able to tell if he's washed it or not. Dana asks if she's bothering Jeremy. He says "no." Liar! Dana asks Natalie if she's bothering her, and Natalie also lies and says "no." Dave calls out, "You're bothering me if . . ." but is cut off by Dana, who says, "Shut up, Tertiary Character," since Dave broke the Sports Night rule that TCs may not speak unless spoken to or given permission by one of the opening-credits cast.
Back on the desk, Casey stumbles over a line on the TelePrompTer and promises to keep viewers updated on the situation outside Madison Square Garden (presumably the riot) and adds that viewers in Manhattan may want to avoid 34th Street for a little while -- very useful advice for all those viewers who are watching TV and driving at the same time. ["Is that a shout-out? Because I live right off of 34th." -- Sars] Dana wonders what the situation is outside the Garden. Jeremy and Natalie offer her dribs and drabs of info, so Dana suggests that they work together, prompting the two of them to get all pissed off and refuse. During the commercial break, Casey admonishes Kim for a typo on the TelePrompter but Kim isn't having it, so Casey goes in for a closer look and realizes Kim was right (and so was Elliot, who remarks, "It's a poor workman who blames his tools," even at the risk of getting slapped around by one of the opening-credits cast). Casey says "hunting" looked like "bunting" from behind the desk ["that’s definitely a shout-out" -- Sars], so Dan sits him down and whips out a mini-flashlight he just happens to have and starts checking out Casey's eyes. For a show that purports to be more than a sitcom, I really don't like where this sorry plotline is going; it reeks of such ABC classics as Full House and Family Matters. Dan asks Casey questions about vision problems as if he knows at all what he's talking about, and Casey answers him with no less deference than you'd give an actual eye doctor. Then Danny moves onto phrenology and feels Casey's skull and suggests it could be a tumour, which finally prompts Casey to tell him to "get away from me." Casey figures he just needs new contacts. In the control room, Sam comes in and wants to know what's going on at the Garden, like thanks for watching the show, Mr. So-Called Ratings Consultant. Then again, this question is just so Dana can explain to the audience that a riot broke out following the high-school basketball final.
Then the writers play the Non-Sequitur Scene Change card and Dana tells Sam that she didn't get him a cake. Of course, Sam is all "What?" and Dana apologizes that she didn't get Sam a cake for his last day (which is tomorrow anyway, so it's more like Dana is apologizing because she already knows she's not getting Sam a cake, which I think is kind of insulting). She says she hopes he wasn't expecting a cake. She says this sincerely, which was weird, instead of jokingly, which would have been less weird, although still annoying. Sam says he wasn't expecting a cake. Then Dana repeats Dan's line about contacting the proper authorities and starts giggling like a maniac again, but Sam just stands there all stone-faced in his brown tie and brown shirt. Dana says "very tough house tonight." Commercials, thank God.
It’s the day, and Natalie walks by Jeremy's desk and he says he needs to talk to her, and she nitpickingly points out that he is in fact already talking to her, and they exchange unpleasantries about how you can't tell someone you need to talk to them without actually talking to them, which Jeremy says is ironic, and Natalie says, "What are you, Alanis Morissette?" and she's acting really snippy and wonders if that reference was too "hip" for Jeremy. Well, I could use a lot of adjectives to describe a reference to a five-year-old song by a pretentious, pitchless, overexposed Canadian singer who managed to resurrect her career after a couple of early Debbie Gibson-esque albums, but "hip" isn’t one of them. Anyway, the point of this confrontation is that Jeremy wants his stuff back from her apartment. She snarkily replies that she forgot to tell him that her moving van has been in the shop, but Jeremy says, "It's like one carton." Natalie leaves and Danny strolls over and asks, "What's going on?" not meaning Natalie, just a "what's up?" type of greeting. Jeremy tells him, "The captain of the Ukrainian handball team thinks they have a good chance to medal in Sydney." Dan looks like he's wondering why Jeremy is being a little short with him and walks to his office, telling Jeremy to keep him posted on the Ukrainian handball thing in case they have to break in on regular programming, in the tired American sports-broadcasting tradition of ridiculing any athletes who aren't American and any sports that enjoy a large following of people from outside the US.
Walking into his office, Danny cracks up at the sight of Rectangle Head wearing dark sunglasses. Turns out that sometime between midnight and this morning, Casey was able to get an appointment with an ophthalmologist, and the doctor dilated Casey’s pupils for the eye exam so everything is really bright. To save time, I'll just list all the references during this scene and later scene to people Casey resembles while wearing sunglasses: Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Jose Feliciano, Roy Orbison, and Jack Nicholson. Strangely, no Corey Hart, which I guess would be the "hip" reference for Natalie to use, but she doesn't get a scene with Casey this week. For much too long in this scene, we are treated to shots of Casey talking to empty space because Danny has gotten up and moved without Casey realizing it, even though Dan clonks around like a water buffalo. Let me get this straight: Casey’s pupils are letting in too much light, but these sunglasses are somehow so powerful that he is completely blind while wearing them? And he was given these blinding eye drops at his Instant Eye Appointment without any regard for his ability to work? And how did Casey even get to work in the first place? I have worn some form of corrective lenses since I was six and I have to say I've never been blinded for "six to eight hours" by anything any of my eye doctors have ever done to me.
Anyway, Dana walks into this scene just to annoy me and gets the lowdown on Casey, and she wants to know if he can write for his show. Casey says he's fine, even though he bumps into his desk as he walks around it to get to work. Anyway, we learn that Dana came in to, as usual, pretend that everyone gives a crap about her little problems. The important bulletin she comes in to give Dan and Casey is that she didn't get Sam a cake. Also, as usual, whatever character Dana is speaking to is not used for an actual conversation, but as a sounding board so Dana can work through her own feelings. Dana thinks it would have been hypocritical to get Sam a cake since they're relieved he's going. Dan says he's not relieved Sam's going. Dana says that's because Dan didn't have to answer to Sam every day for three months. Three months? Okay, whatever. Just jump him and get it over with, Dana. She bitches some more about how he took control of the show, took control of everything, so it's not out of line if she is relieved to see him going. And, as usual, the person Dana's talking to realizes they don't even have to be there for this conversation, so the best course of action is to just keep nodding and agreeing with her until she shuts up and goes away, which she mercifully does. Dan looks over at Casey, who is busy typing and Dan suggests that Casey is just typing gibberish, which Casey admits.
scene. Jeremy is grumpily striding down the hall when Dana accosts him (well, kind of accosts him, because they both keep walking) and asks him, "What's going on?" Jeremy starts to tell her about the Ukrainian handball captain again, and I'm willing to bet that, with the exception perhaps of English football players, few countries on Earth can match the US sporting industry for tales of drug abuse, barroom brawls, fraud, sexual assaults, and just plain violence and greed, so if the American sports media could quit the superiority act towards all things non-American, I'm sure we'd all appreciate it, thanks so much.
Anyway, that's not what Dana means -- she's talking about what's going on between him and Natalie. Jeremy says a bunch of stuff about how it's going to take some time, assuming that Natalie told Dana about the breakup, although Natalie actually didn't tell Dana. Still, it's pretty obvious they broke up; I mean, Natalie hasn't washed her hair, so come on. When Jeremy tells Dana they broke up, Dana makes this exasperated noise and excuses herself and starts speedwalking through the various Sports Night sets. Natalie is in a meeting room with Kim and someone else, and Dana comes barging in and grabs Natalie by the wrist and says "come with me" and yanks her out of there. I am going to take a wild guess and say that I think Natalie was working, just as Jeremy was trying to do when he was interrupted by Dana's harassment, just as Dan and Casey were trying to do when she was babbling about getting Sam a cake, just as Isaac is usually trying to do whenever Dana comes in to harass him with her own problems. Dana then drags Natalie through the rest of the Sports Night sets and demands to know when Natalie was going to tell her. I was hoping Natalie would say, "About the Ukrainian handball captain? I thought you knew," but she just says, "I assume you're talking about Jeremy." Maybe Natalie is in fact washing her hair, but it looks different somehow. I don't know about these things, my own hair is G.I.-Joe length. Dana continues to harass Natalie about not telling her, and Natalie is justifiably miffed that Dana wants to know why Natalie didn't tell her, instead of just offering her support. Dana acknowledges that Natalie's right on that, and Natalie tells her not to worry about it, that things are fine, that it's just one of those things. Dana, however, is hyperventilating. Then Natalie, after harshing on Dana for her lack of support, said she really didn't want to discuss things with Dana because "not every woman falls apart when she breaks up with her boyfriend." Hey, Dana! I think she means you! I mean, Natalie's got a point, but damn, that's harsh. Natalie goes back to work and Dana looks concerned.
Back to more wacky shenanigans in the boys' office. Dan is typing. Casey is sitting on the couch with his mouth open, purportedly listening to Dan typing. Casey then tells Dan that Dan just spelled "irreversible" with one "r," which Casey claims he was able to hear. Casey says his other senses have "come alive," but that he's a little scared of getting trapped in a fire. Dan sympathizes as much as he can while still trying to get some work done. Casey wants to know if Dan would save him from a fire. Dan says, "Yes," so let me get out my chart entitled "Proof That Dan And I Have Nothing In Common," because I need to add something to it. Dan does qualify his heroism by saying he'd save Casey unless he had something better to do, like saving his own selfish ass. Then Dan sees Peter Sadler and says "uh-oh" and "hmmm" and Casey wants to know if there's a fire. Danny says, "Yeah, there's a big fire, Casey, that's why I'm saying 'uh-oh' and 'hmmm.'" Dan tells Casey that Peter Sadler's here. Casey says "uh-oh" also. Then Dan yells something like "get away from the window!" and Casey hurls his rectangle head to the floor, making Dan giggle like a schoolgirl and say, "That's one, baby, it's going to be a long day," and Dan and I are in complete agreement on that.
So Pete walks into the office and Dan blames Casey for whatever it is they might have done. Pete says they didn't do anything, but asks them to slow down just a bit when they say the name Kurt Schnitke. I'm not sure how the two of them can slow things down, they sound comatose on the air as it is. Pete needs to talk to Isaac, so it makes perfect sense that he came to Dan and Casey's office. He leaves and is collared by Dana, who wants to know what Dan and Casey did. He says they didn't do anything, and he's there to see Isaac. Dana wants to know what for and Pete says, "Well, I suppose if it was your business, I'd be here to see you." Heh. Dana sneers at what she sarcastically calls a "stunning comeback," but I thought it was pretty good. Dana will probably eventually do Pete too. She tells him to wait and pokes her head in Dan and Casey's office to ask them if they know about Jeremy and Natalie, and Dan wants to know what about them. Instead of taking the 0.3 seconds it would require to tell them "they broke up," Dana instructs the two of them to wait there. Dana's overreaction is really annoying me. People break up all the time, but the way Dana's acting, if I were Dan or Casey, I'd expect Dana to reveal that Jeremy and Natalie were killed in a car accident. Then Dan plays another joke on Casey, asking Dana to send up an exterminator because of all the bugs "crawling on the couch," and Casey completely falls for it. Dana tells them not to go anywhere again. Or maybe she was saying that to the audience, because we fade out to commercials. I know I'm not going anywhere! I can't wait to see what other shenanigans Urkel has in store for -- um -- hmmm. I guess my Sports Night = Family Matters analogy would work a little better if I could name one other character on that tool-of-the-devil show. Suffice it to say this plotline goes a long way toward proving that Sports Night is not a sitcom, since to be classified as a situational comedy, there ought to be some comedy involved. Right now, Sports Night is just a "sit."
Peter walks into Isaac's office, where Isaac puts down a newspaper and greets him. Not far behind Peter, Dana comes in and announces, "I'm here too!" in her typical I-can't-mind-my-own-business-and-do-my-own-work way. Isaac says, "Thank God," which made me laugh. The upshot of this scene is that the Manhattan district attorney's office has subpoenaed CSC's footage of last night's riot as "evidence." Isaac and Peter have no problem turning it over, but Dana suggests refusing. I wish I could say that Dana's proposed refusal was based on some deeply-held belief or principle or desire not be used (and not to be seen as being used) as an investigative tool by the government, but it's just because she feels like "being ornery." I didn't know anyone besides Yosemite Sam actually used the word "ornery," but whatever. Isaac says, "You two can leave now." Heh. Speaking of ornery! Dana wonders what might happen if they refuse, and Peter tells her they could be cited for contempt and go to jail. Naturally, Dana's commitment to orneriness crumbles. Peter leaves as requested, but of course Dana stays behind to bug Isaac (and me) some more. She asks Isaac if he heard about Jeremy and Natalie. Isaac says no. Once again, instead of just letting him know that they broke up, Dana says, "Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take care of this footage, then I'm going to stop by Dan and Casey's office to fill them in about Jeremy and Natalie, then I'm going to come back here and I'm going to talk to you." She's in full Crisis Management mode, pacing and wringing her hands, and I don't really see the drama here. Isaac says, "That sounds good. Why don't you do everything you just said except coming back here and talking to me." Isaac is my hero. Dana does one of her patented Near Exits before whirling around and coming back to blather some more. At least this time it's work-related; she says they could refuse to hand over the tape. Isaac makes a joke about the fact that, if he'd been able to figure out a way to send Dana to prison, he'd have done so a long time ago. Then he kicks her out of his office -- for good this time, I hope.
Kim and Natalie walk through the halls discussing that night’s show and something to do with Kobe Bryant, using up the remainder of Kim's Line Allotment for this week. Kim then does a Scene Handoff to Jeremy, who springs up from his desk to talk to Natalie, who of course keeps walking. He still hasn't gotten his stuff back, and he asks if maybe she'd prefer just to give him her keys so he can let himself in, an option that appears to disgust Natalie, although she dumped on him earlier with her "moving van in the shop" crack. She promises he'll get his magic 8-ball back. T.C. Elliot pops in to tell Natalie that Dana wants to see Natalie in her office. Natalie leaves, irritatedly repeating to Jeremy that he'll get his stuff back. Jeremy makes a "not impressed" face and walks away.
Dana is in her office watching the riot footage. When Natalie comes in, Dana tells her to make a tape of the footage and to give it Peter Sadler in Legal, and explains about the subpoena. Natalie can't believe that Dana's just going to hand over the tape and says that unused footage is like a reporter's notes, which I hate to tell her can likewise be subpoenaed. I would like to commend Natalie, though, for at least questioning the subpoena for a more valid reason than just being ornery, but while it's admirable to refuse to give up notes or footage when anonymity has been promised to sources and exposure could threaten their life and/or livelihood, I can't quite make the connection between that and footage of people rioting -- footage that has been subpoenaed, so Natalie should consider very carefully whether she wants to go to jail for rioters. She should maybe save her legal challenges for the few times her little show might use stuff that's worth protecting, instead of the day-to-day activity of informing the general public of the outcome of a game where a bunch of millionaires chased a ball around a field or a court or a diamond. Doping in bike racing, for instance, or the Russian Mafia’s connection to Russian players in the NHL, or bribery in the IOC. But I will admit that I missed the possibility that there was a connection between Natalie's reluctance to hand over the tape and her reluctance to hand back Jeremy's stuff until Isaac gets it out of her later. God forbid these people should ever separate their personal and professional lives and motivations. Frankly, I just think I don't get it.
More Casey The Blind Man capers. Danny is writing Casey's script for him, and this is what they have so far: "The Sooners of Oklahoma" (or, as a broadcaster with a preference for brevity and a natural speaking style might say, "The Oklahoma Sooners") Casey says he can't dictate since writing for him is a tactile experience. Dan tells him not to worry, that he'll write the script for him. Casey reminds Dan that he likes alliteration. Yeah, that certainly wouldn't be an overused writing technique in sports journalism. Dana comes in to tell them that Jeremy and Natalie broke up. Dan and Casey want to know why, but Dana doesn't know, possibly because Natalie really doesn't want to talk to her and it's none of Dana's business (my theory, not hers). Everyone is surprised that Natalie didn't talk to Dana about it. I say leave her alone to deal with it however she sees fit, which doesn't appear to include babbling about your personal life to your co-workers whom you see every day and who also work with your significant ex-other. I mean, just look at the discussion that goes on when nobody actually knows anything. I say Natalie and Jeremy should be congratulated for doing their best to leave their personal lives at home, unlike the rest of this crew. Dana says she's telling them this to let them know that this is a good day to be nice, and if my boss ever said that to me, I really hope I could keep my eyes from rolling. Dan protests that he's always nice. Then there's another practical joke played at Casey The Blind Man's expense, which I'll ignore since I grew tired of this plotline a long time ago and now it's annoying me to the point that my tolerance was retroactively exhausted before the show even began, like halfway through Dharma and Greg. Don't even get me started on that show. I'll just say I have to learn to time my VCR better so that I don't pick up the last five minutes of that horrible program anymore, especially since I've been very disturbed the last couple of weeks to see guest spots with Bob Dylan, Joe Henry, Lyle Lovett, and k.d. lang and if someone could fill me in on whatever peculiar plot contrivance could land those people on the show, I'd be very grateful.
, Dana visits Jeremy in a production room where he’s working on a feature on "home-ice advantage," and although I'm a hockey fan, I can't say I'm all a-tingle at the prospect of this particular feature. Jeremy dismisses Dana by saying he's pretty behind on it, so what Dana should do is mosey on out of there. Oh, if only. Dana has to ask Jeremy if this "thing" with Natalie is going to blow over. Jeremy says, "It's not going blow over today, so --" and I'll finish for him, so LEAVE ME ALONE, Dana, but she soldiers on. I think it's one thing to let someone know that you're available to talk to if they need it, and another thing entirely to push someone who clearly doesn't feel like talking. Dana tells Jeremy she's gotten very good at being single if he needs any pointers. Jeremy wisely demurs. Dana launches into this long-winded pity soliloquy where she talks about how she used to mind being single, but not anymore, and that she used to miss being with someone right after the show and blah blah blah about how all day she gives orders (and by "gives orders" I assume she means "butts into other people's business") and how she just wanted -- something, but she trails off and says she doesn't know. I know what I want after a long day of giving orders -- I want Angie Harmon asking for permission to treat me as a hostile witness! But that's just me. Jeremy sympathizes and talks about getting home and opening a can of spaghetti and meatballs and heating it up and Dana says, "Yeah! like soup!" like maybe Dana and the Iron Chef Boy-ar-dee here should get together. Jeremy gets back to work. Meddling accomplished, Dana strolls off to go jump Sam, even though she just got finished explaining that she doesn't mind being single anymore.
Sam is packing stuff up with his back to the door. Dana comes in and leans against the door frame and watches him for a bit and then says "so" to get his attention. Sam is off, going straight to the airport. Dana suggests waiting until after the show, but Sam says he has to make his flight. Dana points out that there are flights to Chicago every hour, but Sam tells her he's not going to Chicago right away, he's going to Angkor Watt for a week. "In Cambodia?" asks Dana. Probably, since I hear Angkor Watt, Missouri is miserable this time of year. Dana giggles that someone would actually vacation in Cambodia. Sam changes the subject and says he thinks it's nice that they could help out the police and walks closer to Dana, who is undeterred and suggests that Sam stay an extra day before leaving on his vacation. They give each other Smouldering Looks until Sam cracks and says, "Look, it's just the way it is," and explains that his job forces him to move around a lot, but it's more than that, that he makes it like that. Sam then delivers a nice speech on how you wouldn't know it to look at him, but he gets attached to places (and I'm thinking he means the people in those places), and then when things change as they always do, he has an adverse reaction, so moving around is his way of pre-empting that change. Dana calls that really sad, and I guess I agree, but I still completely understand how Sam feels. He says, "Hey, you know what, I'm the guy that's gotta live inside this thing twenty-four hours," pointing to himself, so he either means inside his own body or inside his brown not-quite-a-turtleneck sweater. Dana says he did a really good job while he was here and that she never gave him enough credit, and Sam thanks her but says she did give him enough credit. Dana walks past him to leave, but it's another one of her Fake Exits, and she comes back and without saying a word (out of character, I know) starts kissing Sam, who kisses back. Dana breaks for air long enough to say, "Stay tonight. I'll get a cake!" which was kind of cute and made me laugh. Then they kiss some more and Sam agrees to stay the night and they decide on a strawberry cake.
up, Natalie walks into Isaac's office and tells him that she knows it's not her place, but she wanted to say that she didn't think they should hand over the tapes to the DA's office. She then draws an inappropriate analogy to a situation where someone might call with information on who's fixing college basketball games and wonders if CSC would turn them over to the police, and I don't see the connection between that hypothetical situation and this riot, and neither does Isaac, who says, "No, I'm saying we're handing this over to the police," and explains to her the distinction between protecting a source and being ornery. They disagree a little more; Natalie says she's said her piece and turns to go. Isaac asks her what's wrong and Natalie says "nothing" and Isaac makes this kindly "you're not fooling me" face and asks if it's about her and Jeremy fighting. Natalie vehemently denies that her being upset has anything to do with Jeremy, but her face just kind of crumples as she says, "I'm upset because there's a principle, a bedrock principle that doesn't change, and now I'm supposed to hand over these things, I'm supposed to hand over these things that are ours!" and she starts crying, and dammit! So did I. Isaac opens his arms and Natalie collapses, sobbing, onto his chest. This is two weeks in a row with absolutely kick-ass scenes from Natalie. Isaac consoles her for awhile, telling Natalie that this whole situation is just another plotline that conveniently allows a character to indirectly express their true feelings, much like Dana and her musket from last week.
Back to Dan and no-one-cares-about-your-fake-ass-blindness Casey, and this whole bit is really anticlimactic after such a strong scene from Natalie. Casey takes his sunglasses off, it's really bright, he walks into a glass wall. That is absolutely all the time I will devote to this scene. !
In the control room, Natalie enters and sits to Dana, who asks if Natalie was crying. Natalie admits that she was and asks if they can talk after the show, and Dana says yes and is being very sweet and supportive. The show goes live. We pan around to a shot of Sam watching Dana from outside the control room. She doesn't see him, she's busy working, but she looks happier than she has in a long time. I know she annoys me, but it's nice to see her this happy. Sam has his coat on and looks rather sadly at Dana. Cut to outside the control room; Sam has his bags with him, and he walks away as we fade to black. I guess he must have forgotten about the strawberry cake!
In the episode, Casey makes some sort of sporting Top 100 list that Dan doesn't make, and this cute girl flirts with Jeremy. I might be wrong, but she looks like that actress from the episode of Seinfeld where everyone thought George and Jerry were gay.