To bring everybody up to speed, this episode of Sports Night opens up with "Previously on Sports Night" clips that remind us all that Gordon and Dana are having problems; Casey slept with Sally; Dan digs Rebecca; and Gordon was wearing Casey's shirts. Sports Night only occasionally uses these clips at the beginning of the show, and I'm always sort of faintly confused as to why they even bother, since Sorkin always manages to work in tons of backstory into everyone's dialogue. The need for the clips is further obviated in this episode because it's another of Jeremy's letter-writing episodes where he explains it all to Louise anyway.
So we fade up on the show ready to go. The gang is milling about in the control room, more or less all watching some tennis match, and people keep saying, "He won't die." Then the Jeremy narration begins as we hear what he's writing in his letter to his sister Louise. He explains that Pete Sampras is playing a nobody tennis player named Alberto Fedrigatti in a match being broadcast by CSC. Problem is, Fedrigatti has battled back from being down two sets, and Sports Night has about two minutes to air with the match not about to end. The Sports Night gang isn't happy about this; if Fedrigatti forces a fourth set, they're going to have to hold the show for half an hour.
Oh, it's this episode. The episode that's responsible for 95 per cent of the posts in the "Sports Night creeps into real life" topic in the bulletin boards, the ones that are posted whenever a top-ranked tennis player (usually Sampras, but not always) is given a good match, like this episode was a total prophecy.
Anyway, Dan and Casey are sitting at the desk waiting for their cue. Meanwhile, Jeremy says that Dan is doing what he always does before the show -- annoying Casey. This time, he's prodding Casey to talk about something, but Casey doesn't want to. Dan wants to know if it has something to do with the shirt. You know, the wine-stained shirt left behind when he, shall we say, gave Sally the "two minutes to air" signal? Casey keeps saying, "You're wired," confusing Dan, who says he's perfectly calm. Casey has to actually grab Dan's lapel to show him the microphone.
In the control room, everybody's still hanging on the tennis match. Dana's sudden persecution complex has her thinking that Fedrigatti is doing this to her personally, but Natalie assures them that "[her] Pete" will straighten things out. Then we unfortunately have to listen to Natalie talk about her annoying Pete Sampras fantasies. Luckily, though, Jeremy interrupts her as they see Fedrigatti force a fourth set. Everybody groans. Back at the desk, Dan has taken off his microphone so Casey can open up, but Casey still won't. Dana comes up to the desk to break the news about the fourth set, and Sorkin gets off a lame joke by having Dana mistakenly call the guy "Fettuccine Alfredo." Casey wants to know how Fedrigatti can do that to him, and Dana says that he's doing it to her.
In the control room, Natalie gives instructions to everybody for the hold. Dana comes back in and gives the exact same instructions. Since the letter-writing technique apparently isn't enough of a M*A*S*H rip-off, Natalie has to be Radar O'Reilly to Dana's Colonel...well, whatever that one colonel's name was, the absent-minded one. After Natalie tells her that they just went over all that, Dana just says "oh" and looks a little distracted and walks away.
At the desk, Dan is saying that the hold is a good thing because it gives Casey a chance to talk about it. Casey just looks at him. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it, as opposed to last episode, when he was doing that fake I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it thing that guys do when they pretend they don't want to brag about sleeping with someone the night before.
Back in the control room, Jeremy is typing on his laptop. Natalie strolls up and asks if he wants to get a doughnut. He explains that he wants to finish a letter to his sister. We see Dana making a phone call to Gordon, and then we go back to Natalie, who asks Jeremy if he wants to go somewhere and make out. The correct answer is "yes," but Jeremy explains again that he wants to finish the letter. In the side room, Dana is explaining and pleading to Gordon about the hold and says it'll be twenty or thirty minutes, tops, and says they're going to have a great time. She hangs up and comes back into the editing room, where she asks about a couple of tasks that Natalie has already taken care of. Dana says she has nothing to do. Wasn't this last episode's plot? Natalie asks if Dana wants to come with her to get a doughnut, but Dana says no. Natalie asks if Dana wants to go someplace and make out. Jeremy doesn't even LOOK UP, for God's sake. Dana turns that down -- on-screen, at least. In my head, it's a whole other story. ["It usually is. And it's a short story." -- Sars]
Anyway, Natalie scoots off, so Dana decides to bother Jeremy some more, despite him having explained that he's writing a letter. I can understand his frustration here. People in my office do this to me all the time. They'll stroll up to my desk while I'm working and says something like, "You're awfully quiet," and of course office politics dictates that I have to say something like "yeah, gotta get this finished" and sort of indicate my general displeasure at having to work, when the truth is I actually enjoy working and like my job and wish I could say something like "I'm quiet because I'm busy working; guess you wouldn't know what that's like." So I understand how Jeremy feels (even though he's not working per se) when he finally has to interrupt Dana's stream of inane questions and say, "You know what's hard? Writing here and talking there." Dana explains that she has unscheduled time on her hands. Jeremy explains -- again -- that he wants to finish this letter. Dana seems to accept this and turns away, then turns back and asks if he wants to play garbage-can basketball. She asks him twice, and he has to firmly say "no." He goes back to writing, and we hear his voice-over explain that he knows his sister is upset about their parents apparently getting divorced, so he figured he'd take his mind off her concerns by telling her some Tales of Sports Night, like, dude, just point her to Mighty Big TV and be done with it. Anyway, he writes that he's going to have to get up for a second because he knows what's about to come from Dana. Dana: "Is it 'cause you're chicken?" Jeremy's voice-over: "Be right back." He gets up, and he and Dana leave. I hope they find a secluded room for their little game, one where Natalie won't find them and get upset at the fact that Jeremy would sooner play garbage-can basketball than make out with her. Commercials.
When we come back, Jeremy's voice-over alludes to getting his ass kicked by Dana. And we have another round of credits to sit through, because this episode's opening segment was so long; I mean, the show's half-over already. Jeremy explains that everybody has gone to a neutral corner to wait out the hold. Dan and Casey are by the snack table, where Casey is complaining that there's no provolone. What? No provolone? What kind of sorry labour laws does the U.S. have, anyway? ["Word. That's grounds for a class action." -- Sars] Casey still doesn't want to talk about what's on his mind. Dan asks if this is one of those times when he says he doesn't want to talk but he really does. Or, as I like to call that, "every single episode of Sports Night ever." Casey says no, but it's shaping up to be one of those times where he says he doesn't want to talk about it and they wind up talking about it anyway. Or, as I like to call that, "every single episode of Sports Night ever." Dan and Casey head for their office as the voice-over tells Louise that Dan finally got a date with Rebecca, but she's taking things slow because she just got out of an "emotionally abusive" marriage. Okay, two things: first, I don't see how the emotional abuse in Rebecca's marriage is Jeremy or Louise's business. Second, this is going to take Louise's mind off their parents' divorce -- how?
Dan and Casey arrive at their office, where Rebecca is waiting for Dan. Her excessive friendliness is suspicious to Dan, who asks if he's in trouble. She says "yes." She then cheerfully recounts to Casey how, when she met Dan, he explained that he couldn't call her because he was seeing a woman named Elaine. Casey says he doesn't want to get dragged into it. Rebecca goes on about how Dan fell in love with her, "as men are prone to do," and said he was going to tell Elaine he couldn't see her anymore. Dan can sort of see where this is going. As can we all. Rebecca says she took a couple of phone messages while she was waiting, including...one from Elaine! Dun dun dun! Nothing's more attractive than a woman who assumes her presence in a man's life means that he is immediately forbidden to ever speak to another woman. Really, Elaine could be calling for any number of reasons even if Dan has already broken things off with her. Of course, Dan blows any chance of assuaging Rebecca's fears by pretending that Elaine called for Casey. Rebecca calls Dan pitiful. Dan then claims that he hasn't had time to break Elaine's heart yet. Rebecca points out that he has time now, and holds up the phone. Dan says, "Here's the thing," which, in a Pavlovian display of learned behaviour, causes me to down a tumbler of scotch. Dan says he would call Elaine right now, but he's in "pre-show mode," which he says is a "delicate energy that can not be tampered with." He says that all anybody is thinking about right now is the show -- a claim that is completely blown out of the water when Dana breathlessly arrives in the doorway and asks if anybody wants to play garbage-can basketball. Rebecca points out to Dana that Danny is in "pre-show mode," sending Dana into paroxysms of laughter. She says that's a good one. You have to admire Danny's tenacity here, as he tries to stay with the whole "pre-show mode" thing as Rebecca takes off, saying she'll see him later. She doesn't seem overly pissed, but I suspect that's just to lull him into a false sense of security. Dan bellows for Kim, then says to Casey that the interesting thing about sports is that none of that would have happened if tennis boy had lost to Sampras on time. Yeah, that's the interesting thing about sports. Kim arrives, and Dan says that the time he asks her to catch his calls when he's out of his office, she should actually do it. Kim is holding a football for some reason, but she refrains from spiking it into Dan's crotch. Instead, she just says, "Still can't get the green light from Rebecca?" Dan then tells her to "shut up," and somehow after Kim leaves, Dan is still alive.
Out in the newsroom, Dana is beating everyone in the garbage-can basketball game. Need more evidence of how little respect Will gets? They make him hold the garbage can. Back to Jeremy's voice-over, who explains that everyone else is assuming Sampras will finish off Fedrigatti soon, but Jeremy says there's a look in Sampras's eye that you have to be around sports to recognize, blah blah blah. Elliot comes into the newsroom and asks Jeremy for an update on the game. "He just broke his serve," says Jeremy, like thanks for the pronoun ambiguity, Jeremy. Elliot gets excited and goes to tell the rest of the crew. Jeremy explains that Fedrigatti just broke Sampras's serve. D'oh! We follow Elliot as he heads back to the newsroom to relay the news to the rest of the gang. When he does, everybody looks stricken. There are families in hospital waiting rooms right now being informed that their relatives didn't survive the surgery who aren't taking the news this hard. "Doesn't this guy understand I'm in television?" says Dana, heading back to the control room, hair flowing behind her like she's suddenly in a Head & Shoulders commercial. When she gets there, she confirms the update with Jeremy, because maybe Elliot lied to them all for some reason. Dana goes to call Gordon, instead of maybe telling the reporters in the field to stand by. Jeremy's voice-over explains that this is a big deal because she's supposed to meet Gordon's friends tonight. Jeremy continues to divulge none-of-his-business details to Louise, explaining that Dana and Gordon have been on "thin ice" lately, and Dana knows that cancelling their date tonight would infuriate him. Let's all pause for a moment and consider what a complete asshole Gordon is -- he'd be upset if Dana cancelled a date for work, but it's fine for him to stand her up in order to lay down Sally. Jeremy explains that Dana tried to catch Gordon before he left the office, but she missed him. Dana comes out of the side room and says, "Well, we got ourselves a ball game." Oh, did I mention that that's what Elliot said when he told them Fedrigatti broke Sampras's serve? Because he did. It didn't seem important at the time. To be honest, it doesn't seem all that important now. Or subtle. How long is Sorkin going to milk this whole "sports is life" metaphor, anyway? Commercials.
Back from the break, we get a nice shot of the entire gang watching the match in the control room, Dana in the foreground. Dana says Fedrigatti is ruining her night, and a bunch of TCs say "this guy won't die" again. Dana and Natalie walk out onto the set, Natalie trying to reassure Dana that Gordon will understand. What exactly is she basing that on? Dana explains that she's supposed to meet Gordon's friends, who are waiting at the restaurant. Natalie says she has another option, which is to hand the show off to Sally. Dana says, "That's so crazy, it just might work!" Well, of course she doesn't, but people never say that in movies anymore -- you notice that? Jeremy's voice-over explains that, as the match goes later, a decision has to be made whether to go with a late broadcast or let the 2 AM gang take over. Natalie points out that Dana's turned the show over to Sally before, but Dana counters that that was only in worst-case scenarios. "How bad do you want Gordon not to break up with you?" says Natalie. Dana considers that for a second, then she says she doesn't think that should enter into it. Natalie agrees. Dana agrees that Natalie agrees. Or something. Then the wavering begins, because the world in which Dana is confident is smacking up against the world in which she is not. Or something. I know that my open palm is smacking up against my forehead. Am I the only one not paying attention anymore?
Natalie wonders aloud -- after asking Dana not to get mad -- if Dana would care this much if Sally weren't involved. Dana vehemently denies that this has anything to do with Sally. After a pause, Natalie says "okay," but is clearly not convinced, so Dana has to say it again. Jeremy's voice-over explains in too-clever-by-half writing that while West Coast Update is considered the ugly stepsister of CSC, Sally Sasser is considered anything but, and "it hasn't escaped Dana's notice that Sally's looks haven't escaped Casey's," you know, clever stuff like that. Dana starts blaming Natalie's Pete for not playing like he should, and Natalie hotly defends her pretend boyfriend. Oh, sure, when Natalie obsesses about someone, it's cute. But when I do it, it's all pepper spray and bodyguards and "you must remain 100 yards from Ms. Tomei at all times." Dana then says that she's not turning over the show to Sally just so she can meet Gordon and his friends. We get yet another reprise of Dana's speech about how she cares about the show. We're entering the newsroom by now. "I care about this!" she says, turning around to indicate the newsroom -- and she notices Gordon standing there. "And my honeydew!" she says, not missing a beat. "Honeydew"? Good Lord. They hug, and Dana breaks it to him about Fedrigatti winning the fourth set. "The show hasn't started yet?" says Gordon. She points out, kind of snippily, that if the show had started, she'd be in the control room. Gordon whines that his friends will be waiting at the restaurant. He asks if Natalie can't do the show, but Dana says Natalie didn't prep it. Gordon asks if it isn't just calling out numbers from a script at this point. Okay, has Gordon ever said or done anything on this show to give us some idea why Dana would like asshole? Natalie asks him if he produces a lot of shows down at the district attorney's office. "U.S. Attorney's office," he corrects her. Okay, put the penis away, Gordon. Dana points out that if she says she can't leave, she's not lying, and he says he wasn't implying that she was. Dana says she'll make it up to his friends, but the argument just escalates, especially when Dana says "news happens" and Gordon says, "This is sports!" Even I know better than to denigrate my girlfriend's job, even that one time I was dating a crack whore. And then along comes Sally, which doesn't especially please Dana, but I'm okay with it. Dana asks if she knows Gordon. Sally and Gordon really obviously pretend to barely know each other. "Gordon," says Sally, extending her hand. Gordon makes a really lame joke about how that's funny, his name is Gordon too.
Casey's taking all this in from his office. He closes the door and then tells Dan that Gordon was wearing his shirt. For someone who was pressing all night for Casey to talk, Dan is surprisingly slow on the uptake here. Dan and Casey go over the whole thing again, with Casey leaving his shirt at Sally's and then seeing Gordon wearing it. "Gordon's sleeping with Sally," says Dan. Casey says yes. Dan asks if Casey's sure, and Casey fills him in on confronting Gordon about the shirt in the last episode. Dan gets in a mini-snit about Casey knowing all this for a week but not saying anything about it until now, but then maybe realizes that this isn't really (or at all) about him. He mulls this over for a moment or two. "Why is Dana still with him?" he wonders. Casey says she doesn't know. Dan doesn't understand this until he realizes that Casey hasn't told her yet. Then he figures out that Casey hasn't told her because, to do that, he'd have to reveal that he slept with Sally also. I'm still foggy as to how that outweighs Dana deserving to know that Gordon is cheating on her. I'm not sure what the results were of the "Should Casey tell Dana?" poll from my last recap, but an option that wasn't on there (but should have been) was: "Casey kicks Gordon's ass, then tells Dana." ["As of this writing, 'Yes, he should have told her right away' had a healthy lead with 45 percent." -- Sars] Anyway, this discussion of misguided loyalty is interrupted by Jeremy swinging by to update them on the tennis match. "What's Dana thinking?" asks Dan. "About dumping the show?" says Jeremy. Casey scoffs at the notion that Dana might dump the show. "Half past twelve and Gordon's here," points out Jeremy, but Casey says he's known Dana for fifteen years and she's not dumping the show. Say that again, Casey, that you've known Dana for fifteen years, and reconsider whether you should tell her about Gordon and Sally. Jeremy leaves, and Dan just looks at Casey, who repeats his assertion that Dana's not going to dump the show. Danny tries a different tack. "Casey," he says, but Rectangle Brain interrupts him with, "I don't want her to find out, Danny." Dan doesn't look fine with this, but he says, "Yeah, all right."
The on-air desk. Rebecca strolls up. So does Dan. "Just the market analyst I'm looking for!" he says. He explains that they're still waiting for the match to end. Then he sits her down and tells her he called Elaine and explained all about the wonderful woman he's dating named Rebecca. Apparently, despite being called on his dishonesty by Rebecca once already, Dan has decided the best policy is to keep lying, because when Rebecca says, "Really?" Dan admits that he didn't tell her that, but he called and left a message on her machine. How nice of him, since it's after midnight and everything. Then Rebecca says it's okay if he wants to go out what Elaine, because this isn't school. Wha? It didn't sound okay to me earlier. Unless, before, she was just mad that Dan lied to her. That's probably it, that whole honesty thing that woman make such a big deal about. Jeremy shows up and tells Dan there's an impromptu meeting going on. Dan wants to know what it's about. "It's quarter to one," says Jeremy by way of explanation. "Sally?" says Dan. Jeremy confirms. Dan goes, promising to tell Rebecca when the show's ready to go. Before he leaves, though, he pauses and says, "I'd never make a fool out of you." Rebecca's a little confused about this, but accepts it anyway.
In the newsroom, Gordon is lecturing Dana along the lines of "this is just the kind of thing I'm talking about," which we've heard before. He points out that Sally just said she could take the show, and Dana counters by suggesting that Gordon get one of the guys in his office to take over his caseload. Danny strolls up, and Gordon says, "Late night for you guys," but Dan can barely bring himself to acknowledge him before heading into the conference room, where he slags Sally by suggesting that she slept with Fedrigatti to cause this situation, except I would think that would wipe Fedrigatti out. Back to more "this is my job, not a hobby" arguing from Dana, who finally lets Gordon have it for coming to her office and trying to broker deals between her and Sally. Gordon gets all sanctimonious and says, "I need something from you, Dana. I need a sign. I need you to give me something. Or..." He shrugs. "What? Or what?" says Dana. Gordon just looks at her. And from the look on Dana's face, you get the impression that she's resigned to ending things with Gordon. Which is why it's so heartbreaking when she strides into the conference room and announces that she's dumping the show. Casey looks stunned. Jeremy's voice-over takes us out. "I'll never get it, Louise. I understand what makes a woman think that any man is better than nothing" -- well, he understands more than I do, then -- "I'll just never understand what makes a woman think she's got nothing."
Jeremy tells Louise that Casey didn't see it coming. "And to see his face at the moment he found out, you'd think a string inside of him broke." Shot of Casey and Dana looking at each other, not saying anything -- at least, not with words. "I have a hunch it'll be a while before Dana and Casey are quite the same with each other," says Jeremy. He goes on to say that Sally ran the show without a hitch, and that Rebecca stayed around to watch. "My guess is that either she's never seen a live broadcast, or she really likes Dan." Considering her giddiness at everything going on around her, I'd say it's the former. Hey! There's Allison fixing up Casey! We haven't seen her in forever! Anyway, Jeremy reveals that this episode's metaphor eventually lost to Sampras and blah blah blah they hugged, et cetera. And Jeremy's parents' sudden divorce is called on to serve as a parallel here too, because as Casey watches Dana and Gordon leave, Jeremy's voice-over goes on about "things are going to be rough for a little while" but "we'll come out the other side."