Mayham

Paulie sits in his car, listening to exactly the kind of music that you probably think Paulie would listen to -- some sort of '50s doo wop. It's night, and the street is abandoned. Another car pulls up, and I totally thought Paulie was either going to get whacked, or whack someone. The passenger of the other car is Vito, who is with his driver. Paulie has apparently been expecting Vito, and is not surprised to see the "thin man." Well, let's not get carried away. Vito is much, much smaller, but I still wouldn't call him thin. Vito says that he was at the hospital with Carmela, and both men express admiration for the way Carm is handling the whole thing, and her loyalty. Paulie wonders who would take care of his mother if something happened to him. Vito hands Paulie a slip of paper and says, "Columbians knock off at noon. Then it's empty."

Paulie and some other guy -- whose name I do not know, but who I'm just going to call Biggie -- walk into an apartment building. Paulie says that the manager's unit is down a flight. They are interrupted by a maintenance man, who takes one look at Paulie and Biggie and starts running away. There's a hilarious shot of Paulie running down the hallway with this weird grimace on his face. It's just so odd to see Paulie being a bad-ass, given his ridiculous hair and his nylon warmup suit. It's like, he's running down the hall to kill someone, but you can hear the "swish swish" of his thighs rubbing together. Anyway, they catch up to the maintenance guy before he can duck into a room in the basement. Biggie grabs Maintenance Guy and sticks a gun in his face, asking who's in the room. The maintenance guy unlocks the door, and Paulie and Biggie burst in, guns blazing. There's a guy sitting at a table (which looks suspiciously familiar -- have the set dressers been raiding my mother-in-law's house for props?) counting money. Biggie uses Maintenance Guy as a human shield, causing Maintenance Guy to take two bullets to the chest. Paulie returns fire, killing the money counter. As Paulie and Biggie try to figure out what the hell they just walked in on, another guy (Baldie) runs through the door and attacks Paulie from behind with a knife. Paulie tells Biggie to shoot his attacker, but Biggie can't get a clear shot. Baldy and Paulie grapple for a while, and Baldy finally knees Paulie in the...er, walnuts. Paulie falls to the ground, allowing Biggie to take his shot. Baldy seems to be already dead, or well on his way, but Paulie is still pissed and picks up the knife from the ground before planting it firmly in Baldy's chest. Biggie notes that it was supposed to be empty in there, according to Vito's information. Did Vito set Paulie up? Interesting. Paulie is worried about his "fucking balls." Biggie starts looking for the cash they were promised, but can't find any, and wants to hightail it out of there, since they will probably attract attention soon from the noise that they made. Paulie ain't hearing it, and starts crawling around trying to find the cash. Biggie starts pulling the place apart, and can't believe that they risked their lives for only two grand. Biggie kicks a cabinet, which causes a dishwasher to fall open -- and the dishwasher is stuffed with lots and lots of cash.

Meadow and AJ arrive at the hospital and are greeted by Bobby and Christopher. Meadow heads to Tony's room immediately, but AJ sticks around, and Christopher takes the opportunity to say that he knows AJ tried to buy a gun the day before. AJ can't believe they know about it. Christopher and Bobby empathize with AJ's feelings, but tell him it just can't happen. Bobby adds that Junior is in federal lockup, so no one can get to him. AJ says that it's "difficult, but not impossible," which the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out is a Godfather II reference. I think AJ's been spending some time in the Soprano in-house screeing room. Bobby suggests that AJ "channel that rage elsewheres [sic] -- Golden Gloves." AJ doesn't respond the way I would in that situation, which is to ask, "How old are you? Sixty? Do they even have Golden Gloves competitions anymore? And what makes you think I would win?" Christopher suggests lifting weights or that AJ could "fuck [his] girlfriend more." "More"? Wouldn't that imply that AJ has a girlfriend and is fucking her at all? Christopher gives AJ a noogie and calls him a hothead. AJ just looks annoyed and walks away.

Carmela stands outside Tony's room and watches as the doctors do something. Meadow greets her with a hug. AJ joins them, and Carmela asks whether he brought her sweater. AJ disgustedly says, "Your sweater? Man, Jesus fuck!" AJ is upset that he's only allowed to run errands and not take care of "the larger issues." Carmela doesn't know what in the hell AJ is going on about, but AJ thinks she put Christopher and Bobby up to talking to him about his gun purchase. Well, AJ doesn't mention the gun purchase to Carmela, in case she doesn't already know about it. Meadow just kind of rolls her eyes, and Carmela drops the subject because the doctors are coming out of Tony's room. Carmela corners Dr. Rachel's Dad and wonders if the nurse told him that Tony moved his eyebrows last night. Dr. Rachel's Dad advises Carmela to "recalibrate [her] expectations," because Tony is barely staying alive, much less regaining consciousness. The family walks into Tony's room, and Meadow reminds Carmela that Tony is really strong. AJ agrees. Meadow crawls into bed with Tony and snuggles against him by way of greeting.

Cut to PurgaTony, waking up in his hotel room. It's daytime, so there's no beacon on the horizon anymore. PurgaTony realizes that someone has shoved an envelope under his door, so he waddles over and grabs it. Inside is a summons which reveals that Kevin Finnerty is being sued by the Crystal Monastery.

PurgaTony visits the monks at the Crystal Monastery. He finds the two monks he met in the hotel in last week's episode. PurgaTony amiably asks if he really looks so much like Kevin Finnerty. One of the monks says, "To a certain extent, all Caucasians look alike." Nice one. PurgaTony tries to explain his situation again, and then adds, "But I am kind of worried about what I might have done." One of the monks (the one who slapped him earlier) snidely suggests that PurgaTony is lying about not being Finnerty. PurgaTony explains that he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's yesterday. Snide Monk chuckles, but Older Monk invites Tony inside. Snide Monk is kind of a dick.