By Kim
This episode continues with Tony in the hospital after being shot by Junior. Tony's not doing so well; he had surgery, and the wound is not healing very well, so he's in a medically-induced coma with a breathing tube. The family reacts in fairly predictable ways. Most of the guys are jockeying for the top position. Barbara is barely on screen. Janice is overly dramatic. Carmela is distraught, but also solid, and Meadow is right there for her. AJ avoids visiting his father, which Carmela thinks is because he can't handle the sight of his father, but Rosalie Aprile thinks is because AJ is spoiled. The media is swarming, and Junior is being tested to see if he's mentally competent to stand trial. AJ finally mans up and stays overnight in his father's room; the morning, he starts crying and vows to shoot Junior to avenge Tony. While all this goes on, Tony is having a dream or a near-death experience or whatever. In it, Tony is living some sort of alternate reality where he's a salesman attending a conference in California. Alterna-Tony accidentally swaps wallets and briefcases with a guy name Kevin Finnerty, and spends the rest of the dream sequence trying to figure out how to get back home. And also, he falls down some stairs and gets diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Tony lies sleeping, fully clothed, on a bed in a hotel room. The first sign that something is kind of off is Tony's hair, which is fashioned in a weird combover. Not like a Donald Trump combover or anything, but not Tony's usual slicked-back style. Tony's also wearing schlumpy clothes. He wakes with a start, checks his watch, and then looks out the window, where night is beginning to fall. It's not immediately clear what city he's in, except that it's not New York. There's a lighthouse or some sort of beacon on the horizon in the distance. So Tony's a sailor now? A sailor who dresses like Willy Loman?
Tony heads across the street to a bar, where he catches a news report about how there are big forest fires in Costa Mesa, California. Apparently that's where he is. He calls home on his cell phone. The answering machine's outgoing message is two young kids, who tell Tony that he's reached the Sopranos. So is this like an alternate reality? It's A Wonderful Mob? Because I don't think it's a flashback, based on his clothes and the fact that no one ever considered Meadow and AJ cute enough to leave that sort of outgoing answering-machine message. Tony is amused, and tells his family (via message) that he loves them. Who is this man and what has he done with Tony Soprano? Tony pays for his drink; grabs his wallet, which had been sitting on the bar; picks up a really ugly briefcase; and walks out.
As Tony exits the bar, he hears a helicopter flying overhead, and looks up to see a floodlight shining down on him. As he squints up into the bright light, you see flashes of a doctor's face. This is the first real sign that Tony is unconscious, or possibly in a coma, and is incorporating parts of his surroundings into his subconscious. I hate when that happens. I often dream that my alarm going off is...well, usually I dream that it's an alarm going off, but it's a DREAM alarm, so I don't really have to get up.
The morning, Tony drives some schlubby rental car to a different hotel or convention center or something. He struts through the lobby in a navy blazer and khaki pants. Gandolfini is hilarious here, playing Not Tony. The differences are subtle enough that you have to kind of look for them, but it must have been fun for him to stretch a little. Anyway, Tony finds the registration desk and tries to check in, but the ID in his wallet has the name Kevin Finnerty on it. The photo kind of looks like Tony too. Tony opens his briefcase to try to find another form of ID, but it turns out that he apparently grabbed someone else's wallet and briefcase. Tony (and Gandolfini has slightly changed his accent here to a more broad generic American) asks the registration lady if she can just let him in anyway, but she explains that she can't for security reasons. Tony doesn't even get mad or start yelling or threaten to whack anyone.
Tony calls "Carmela," and I put it in quotes because he never calls her by name, and it's not Edie Falco's voice on the phone, but the captioning identified her as Carmela. Anyway, he calls his wife to complain about his situation. Tony just puts up with her lack of sympathy. Tony gets slightly upset when the keynote speaker for the conference, some military general, walks out after giving his speech. Tony bitches (again, mildly), "My whole life's in that case."
Tony returns to his hotel and tries to get his old room back, but they're booked. The desk clerk suggests he try the Omni, and Tony explains about the lost wallet, which means no credit card. Tony thought the hotel would let him check back in, since he stayed there last night, but that's against policy. Now I'm starting to think Tony's in hell. I think arguing policy with a hotel desk clerk would be my idea of hell, anyway.
Tony heads into the bar he was in the night before, and tells the bartender about his problem. In trying to remind the bartender who he is, Tony mentions that he had pains in his stomach, another sign of his conscious bleeding (no pun intended) into his subconscious. The bartender is no help at all. Tony tosses out the name Kevin Finnerty, and another guy sitting at the bar quips, "He drives a Lexus. It's a joke. 'Infinity.' 'Lexus.'" Well, I don't know if I'd call that a joke, exactly. I think a joke needs to be funny. The bartender offers Tony a drink on the house, which he accepts, and decides to hang out in the bar and wait for Godot...I mean, Kevin Finnerty. Tony points out that he can't even get on a plane without ID. He tries to make conversation with the bartender about Costa Mesa, asking if it's a nice place to live. The bartender flatly says, "Around here? It's dead."
Later, more people have gathered in the bar. Remember when I said arguing with the desk clerk was hell? I was wrong. This bar is hell. The bartenders are wearing Hawaiian shirts, which is about all you need to know. Okay, there are also a lot of salespeople around, and the music playing is some sort of perky game show-sounding song. Tony orders the grouper sandwich (I'm telling you, hell), and the joker guy from earlier invites Tony to eat with him and his friends. (But he asks seriously.) Tony says no at first, but spots a pretty lady with them, and agrees to join in.
Tony and the other guys talk about work. Ugh. The one woman at the table asks Tony how he "made the jump from selling patio furniture to precision optics." Tony laughs, but doesn't answer the question, and then excuses himself to call home. He talks to "Meadow," who sounds pretty young, and says that she made the volleyball team. If you follow that link, you'll see that the pilot episode featured Meadow playing volleyball, as well as the Pussy Malanga storyline. "Meadow" reports that "AJ" puked and went to bed early. "Carmela" gets on the phone and reports that Finnerty didn't call.
Tony returns to the table, where he discovers that one of the other guys paid the bill. The one woman at the table, who sounds kind of like Melfi, compliments Tony on his team's sales record. Is this what sales people talk about when they get together? Because it's really fucking dull. Tony weirdly comments, "There's always a faster gun. I'm forty-six years old. I mean, who am I? Where am I going?" Not Melfi retorts, "Join the club." The two other guys at the table suddenly get up and walk away, so Tony and the lady follow suit. Tony stares at a plasma TV on the wall, which has shots of clouds that look kind of heavenly and the words, "Are Sin, Disease and Death Real?" I'm upset that they didn't use a serial comma in that sentence. Wasn't I just saying that the sales people need to get a life? I'm clearly not one to talk if I'm worried about the punctuation. Then a cross appears on the screen, so Tony walks away.
Outside, Tony is making out with the woman. She pulls away and says that nothing is going to happen because she saw his face when he got off the phone with his wife. So if this is somehow inside Tony's mind, he can't even cheat in his own head? Or is the woman supposed to represent temptation and sin? I'll let the forum posters argue over that one. Tony says, "I could even be some other guy tonight, and get away with the whole shebang, but no, I blow it." The helicopter starts flying overhead again, and Tony looks up. The woman says that they're looking for a perp. The sound of a machine beeping gets louder and louder until we cut to...
...the Tony we know, lying in a hospital bed, wearing a filthy gown. He's choking on his breathing tube, and doctors swarm to his bedside. Carmela and Meadow stand nearby, worried. Tony grabs his breathing tube and pulls it out. A nurse pushes Carmela and Meadow back so that the doctors can retube him. Carmela tries to talk to Tony, who manages to choke out, "Who am I? Where am I going?" His words are so garbled and choked that it's hard to tell if Carmela even heard him. Carmela yells, "We're right here with you! Tony! Who am I?" ["Dude, I'm not sure I know the answer to that question, the way she looks there. Not that she's hideous without her makeup or anything, but it's so unsettling not to see Carmela...you know, done, like she usually is." -- Wing Chun] The doctor orders the family out of the room so that he can reinsert the breathing tube. In the hall, AJ wanders up and asks what's going on. Meadow explains that Tony isn't doing well, and that the doctor made them leave. AJ stands there, expressionless.
Carmela and Meadow head out to the waiting room where Christopher, Paulie, Silvio, and Vito are waiting. They rush over for the latest news. Carmela says that Tony came out of the coma for a minute. Silvio is encouraged, until Carmela tells him that they have to retube him. Vito curses Junior's name, and AJ walks up and says, "Anthony Soprano is not going to die. I don't know what everybody's talking about." Does AJ post on our forums? Carmela asks someone to take the kids home. Christopher protests that Carm can't stay in the ICU two nights in a row, and Carmela reports that Meadow spelled her last night. Meadow wants to stay again, so Carm tells AJ to go home and answer the phone when people call for news. Paulie points at AJ and says, "Van Helsing! Let's go." Thank god for Paulie's comic relief. Vito and Paulie fight over who will take AJ home, and Paulie points out that Vito already bought some food, so they are clearly trying to win brownie points. I'm not sure who will be awarding said points, though.
The doctor (the same one we saw in the light earlier) comes out and tells Carmela that Tony's back on the ventilator. He adds that the bullet didn't just hit the pancreas, but also hit the gallbladder, and that they're worried about sepsis. They've sedated and restrained Tony so that he won't pull his breathing tube out again. Carmela asks what happens , and the doctor reminds her, "We're probably not looking at a very good outcome here." Heh. I used that line with one of my students today, but I was talking about failing a class, not death. It's a good euphemism, though. Carmela tearfully asks, "Does he know that he's dying?" The doctor says shortly that they don't know, and walks away. Nice bedside manner, dude. Carmela collapses into sobs, and Christopher comes over and holds her while she cries. I haven't mentioned this, but Carmela looks like hell -- wearing sweatpants, greasy hair, and no makeup. Very realistic, but also very un-Carmela. ["Heh. I'm saying!" -- Wing Chun]
The night passes. Meadow sleeps on a couch while holding Christopher's hand. A cleaner buffs the floors. Vito walks silently into the hallway and looks around. I totally thought he was going to whack Tony. He was all in shadows and just looking generally suspect. Carmela sits in Tony's room and watches the ventilator breathe for him.
Alternate Tony walks up to the check-in desk at the Omni. He pretends to be Kevin Finnerty and uses the other man's credit card to secure his reservation. The desk clerk keeps giving Tony weird looks as he processes the reservation, but finally hands over the key. In the background are two Buddhist monks, just kind of standing there staring.
Tony heads for the elevator. The monks walk up and start talking to Tony as if he is Kevin Finnerty. Tony is all excited that the monks might know where Finnerty is, but the monks apparently have some beef with Finnerty. Tony explains that he's not Finnerty. The monk says that their heating system, apparently sold to them by Finnerty, isn't working. Tony once again protests that he's not Finnerty, and the monk slaps him and says, "Lose your arrogance!" Are monks allowed to just slap people? A scuffle ensues, and a hotel employee holds Tony back but, in the process, knocks Tony down onto a luggage cart. As Tony tries to get free, the monks walk away.
In his room, Tony phones "Carmela," who asks if he filed a police report. Tony points out that he's committing fraud by using Finnerty's credit card, so he's not about to get the law involved. He fiercely says, "Who wants more complications? I just want to come home." "Carmela" offers to wire him some cash, but Tony points out that he can't claim it without ID. So she could wire cash to Finnerty. They don't think of that, and "Carmela" says she'll call Tony's company and see if they can help. Tony says he misses her, and "Carmela" replies, "I miss you too. But you're off in your own world. You're too distracted with work. This is partly your fault." ["Hey, thanks, bitch. I was a lot nicer to Glark the time he flew to San Francisco and then couldn't claim his rental car because he'd left his driver's license under his keyboard at home." -- Wing Chun]
The morning, Tony heads for the elevators. There's a stuffed bear sitting on a chair nearby, holding a sign that says, "Out of Order. Please 'bear' with us." Seriously. He has to be in hell. It's not all about the fire and brimstone. I think it's just a collection of the most annoying things you can think of. Salespeople. Hotel bars. Cutesy signs with stuffed animals and quotation marks. Non-working elevators. Anyway, Tony decides to take the stairs down seven flights. I don't know if the number of flights is significant, but the season premiere did feature Burroughs talking about seven souls. The stairway railing is really bright red, and around the fifth floor, Tony's feet fly out from under him and he falls down to the landing and hits his head on the wall.
Back in the real world, Carmela washes her face in the hospital room sink as Meadow sleeps. Carmela wakes Meadow and reports that Tony is the same, but that at least he made it through another night. Meadow checks the monitor near the bedside and points out that Tony's fever is down a bit, but it's still 102 or so. The doctor (played by Rachel Green's dad) walks in and checks on Tony. He exchanges a lot of medical terminology with the nurses. Tony's sister Barbara walks in and asks how things are going. There's a shot of the giant gaping wound in Tony's stomach, and it's very deep and very gross. The doctor inspects it, and they really turned up the microphones on the squishing sound the wound made. The doctor thinks everything looks okay. Carmela peppers the doctor with questions, trying to get more information, but the doctor is less than forthcoming and quite brusque. Carmela asks him about Tony's chances of coming out of the coma. The doctor says that Tony is in a medically-induced coma so that they can prevent seizures while they try to reduce his fever. Meadow points out that Tony's temperature is down some. The doctor says that they are looking at "the obvious negative outcome," but also "degrees of brain damage in the event he does survive." Carmela looks like the brain-damage thing is news to her.
Carmela and Meadow follow the doctor out of the room. Meadow asks what antibiotic Tony is on. Carmela seems kind of embarrassed that Meadow is challenging the doctor at all, and explains that Meadow volunteered in an ICU, and is thinking about a career in medicine. She is? Meadow adds, "Or law. I don't know." Janice walks in and says hello to the doctor, and seems quite jovial for someone whose brother is in a coma. The doctor (who is still wearing his giant Rachel's Dad Glasses) seems kind of put out that he actually has to talk to the patient's family, and says that they should keep talking to Tony and even play his favorite music. He reminds them, "Fortunately for him, he is at a level one trauma center. Or with his injuries, believe me, he would have been dead twelve hours ago." Sensitive! The doctor walks away, and Carmela calls out a thank-you. Meadow shoots her a dirty look and accuses Carmela of treating the doctors like rock stars. Janice interrupts to say that she's there to help, and that Carmela and Meadow both need to get some rest. Carmela tells Janice to go see Tony.
Janice pushes the curtain open, and the nurses are still dressing Tony's gaping bloody wound. Janice starts freaking out, with the drama, and the crying, and the "I can't get used to this! That's my brother!" If it were anyone else, I would think it's an authentic reaction, but it's Janice. She's got more drama than Inside the Actor's Studio. Carmela actually ends up comforting Janice.
Junior is in prison garb, being evaluated by a psychologist. Junior is being less than cooperative, and it's hard to tell how much of it is legitimate confusion and how much is just Junior being Junior. His lawyer explains that the psychologist is just trying to prove that if Junior shot Tony, it was due to confusion and disorientation. Junior is surprised to hear that Tony has been shot, and asks for his lawyer, Melvoin. His new lawyer backstories that Junior fired Melvoin, because ever since Melvoin's stroke, he has a nerve-damaged hand, and it makes Junior nervous. Junior declares that Tony probably shot himself, since he's a depression case and all. So Junior, not so much with the compos mentis.
Christopher sits by Tony's bedside in the middle of the night, alone, and looks like he wants to cry.
Gene's funeral. Remember old Gene? In his casket, he's wearing a shirt with a giant collar to hide the rope burns. As his widow cries quietly, the rest of Tony's crew meets in a nearby room. Silvio lays out how things are going to work now: Silvio will handle problems and collect Tony's share, as well as give some money to Carmela. Everyone agrees. Silvio asks, "Anybody got any questions? For now, not personal questions relating to yourself, but about the family." Vito can't resist asking about the sports book in Roseville. Silvio reminds him that he's not answering personal questions. Some guy asks what they're going to do about Junior. Christopher says that he's in jail, out of reach. Vito doesn't think that's necessarily true. Another guy thinks they should let Junior rot in jail and sever all ties. Vito counters, "He Marvin Gayed his own nephew. The boss of this family." Paulie thinks Tony should be the one to decide, and Bobby agrees. Vito sees an opportunity to sow more seeds of discontent and asks Bobby where he was the night Tony was shot. Bobby says that he had a family obligation, and that Tony volunteered to watch Junior. No one really seems to buy it, and Vito tries to win more brownie points by pretending that he needs to rush right back to the hospital. As the group disperses, Paulie starts bitching about Vito, and how he has to make a big deal out of everything. Paulie thinks Roseville used to be Junior's territory, and thus should go to Bobby now. Christopher adds that Vito's already making tons of dough. Paulie adds that Vito is a "fat fucking kiss-ass," and that Paulie is going to buy Tony a stereo for his room. Christopher acts like that's the dumbest thing he's ever heard, and Paulie looks hurt. Christopher gestures to Gene and wonders, "Who wouldn't like to take the easy way out?" Interesting that Christopher feels that way about suicide. Silvio guesses that Gene had "inoperable cancer or some shit."
This fades into the people in the hospital waiting room discussing why Gene might have committed suicide. Hesh thinks that suicide runs in families, and that one of Gene's parents committed suicide. It's not really clear if Hesh is saying that he knows that happened, or just speculating. Janice, sitting in a chair holding Nica, points out that Gene's son was on drugs. Vito throws out, "Maybe he was a homo. Felt there was nobody he could talk to about it." Hee! Janice gives him a look like, "Are you fucking nuts?" Hesh tries to look on the bright side by saying that at least Tony never knew about the suicide. Um, I think Tony has bigger fish to fry at the moment, dude. Like, I don't know, not dying?
Meadow and Carmela, looking showered and wearing different clothes, walk into the ICU. Meadow reports that a nurse saw AJ, and Carmela wonders where he is and looks pissed.
Outside, AJ stands outside smoking and talking to a pretty reporter who asks him if his life is like Growing Up Soprano. Carmela stomps out and grabs AJ, wrestling him back inside. The reporter and her camera operator chase them but aren't allowed into the hospital. Once they get inside, Carmela angrily reminds AJ that she told him not to talk to the media. She asks about Tony's CDs, which AJ was supposed to retrieve from the house. AJ forgot to get them. Carmela yells, "Anthony! Everybody is pitching in here but you. I wish you would go to class if this was all you were going to do." AJ looks hurt and asks, "With my father in the hospital?" Yeah, I'm sure that's why AJ's not going to class. Carmela shoves some cash into his hand and tells him to go buy an assortment of bagels for everyone.
In Tony's room, Carmela pulls a boombox out and tells Tony that Christopher sent it over. Awesome. I love that Christopher cock-blocked Paulie. Carmela talks to an unresponsive Tony about how impressive Meadow has been in the crisis. She puts a CD in for Tony, and Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water" starts playing. It makes me want to play Guitar Hero on the PS2. ["Hee! Glark totally started air Guitar Hero-ing." -- Wing Chun] Carmela stares at Tony sadly.
Christopher parks what is probably Johnny Sack's old Maserati outside Satriale's and walks inside, where he finds Agent Harris and his partner eating lunch. I had no idea there were actual tables and shit inside Satriale's. I think I thought it was more like a butcher shop with a meat case and stuff, but not hot meals. Christopher asks Agent Harris about "that disease [he] picked up over there in Diarrhea-stan." God, I love Christopher. He might be my favorite character. He's an idiot and all, but his scenes are almost always enjoyable. Agent Harris asks after Tony, and claims that he's genuinely concerned. Chris reports that Tony is "fucked up," and changes the subject to say that Agent Harris just comes to Satriale's because he misses them. Christopher proceeds to crack some racist jokes about the war on terror, and Harris's partner gets in a dick-measuring contest about how important their work is. Harris adds that Christopher could really help them out if he called when he heard anything related to terrorism. Christopher claims he doesn't know anything about anything. Agent Harris brings up Matush, and Christopher says he was Ade's friend, and that they didn't know he was involved in terrorism until the FBI said so. Christopher concludes, "I take that terrorism shit seriously. And Tony? Don't even get him started." Well, it'd be hard to get him started when he's in a coma.
Carmela sits in Tony's room. A CD ends, so she picks out another one to put in, and also to give the editors a cue to start cutting tape for Edie Falco's Emmy reel. "American Girl" by Tom Petty starts up, and I can't hear this song without thinking someone is going to show up and ask me if I'm about a size 14 before shoving me in a van and taking me to his house to keep me in a well in his basement while he tucks his junk between his legs and says, "I'd fuck me." Or maybe I've just seen Silence Of The Lambs a few too many times. ["It always reminds me of the Scrubs episode where it plays while Elliot trashes her apartment and decides to change her image with new bangs." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Carm starts reminiscing about a time they went to the beach with Artie and Charmaine, and it sounds like Artie and Charmaine were really annoying back then, too. Carmela strokes Tony's head and reminisces about when he had so much hair "that a woman could grab it with both her hands." She starts crying and says emphatically that Tony is going to be fine, and that the doctors think so too, because Tony is "as strong as a bull." Carmela leans closer and whispers that she's always loved how strong Tony is, and that he could pick her up and throw her over his shoulder, and how it "used to get [her] so hot down there." I was a little put off by the sudden sex talk, but I think Carmela is just trying to get any kind of reaction from Tony at this point, and saying different things to that end. Plus, you know, I think it's true, but it just seemed a little sudden is all. Carmela continues to tell Tony that he's going to be okay, and that everyone loves him. Carmela kind of backs off, as Tony continues to breathe on his ventilator. She thinks for a minute and then says, "A long time ago, I told you that you were going to go to hell when you died, back when you had that MRI. And you threw my words back at me when we got separated, and you were right. That was a horrible thing to say. It's a sin, and I will be judged for it. You're a good father. You care about your friends. Yes, it's been rough between us. I don't know, our hearts get so hardened against each other and I don't know why. But you are not going to hell. You're coming back here. I love you." I'm not saying that Edie Falco doesn't deserve the Emmy. She acted the hell out of that scene. I'm just saying that I prefer my Emmy reels to be a little more subtle.
Alternate Tony wakes up in a hospital bed with a bandage on his head. A young doctor comes in and puts an MRI up on a lightbox. Tony asks how long he's been there, but doesn't get an answer. The doctor launches right into an explanation of the MRI. He says that Tony has dark areas in his brain, indicating areas where Tony's brain was oxygen-deprived, which are signs of Alzheimer's. Tony protests that he's only forty-six years old, and then curses the business trip. The doctor points out that nowadays there are treatment options, but Tony thinks "it's a death sentence." He adds, "You're a smurf for ten or fifteen years, and then you die, shitting in your pajamas. I know people with Alzheimer's." The doctor doesn't argue, but encourages "Mr. Finnerty" to talk to his own doctor at home. Tony explains about the identity mixup. The doctor asks Tony what his real name is, and Tony says he won't even know that soon. The doctor tells Tony to rest there a while, and tells him he's lucky he didn't break his neck when he fell. As the doctor leaves, Tony calls out, "I'm lost!" I don't know if that whole scene was supposed to be indicative of Tony hearing the doctors talking about his possible brain damage, or had something to do with Junior's problems, or had something to do with Tony's fears of losing his identity, or all of the above. I think I'll make a poll about that.
Back in the real world, Meadow sits by Tony's bedside and talks to him. She relates how AJ ate a bad burrito and got sick. She is really reaching for conversational topics, clearly. She adds, "Finn's coming out. He really likes you." Out of things to say, she just kisses the top of Tony's head. Then, she decides to read Tony a poem by Jacques Prevert which begins, "Our Father, which art in heaven, stay there. And we shall stay on earth, which is sometimes, so pretty."
There's a crash cut to Casa di Soprano, which is apparently sometimes so pretty. Carmela's in the shower, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. I actually used to fall asleep in the shower when I was in college sometimes. My professors didn't buy it as the reason why I was late for class.
Downstairs, various people are loading up plates with food. People really do load you down during a crisis. When my mom died, one woman we barely knew brought over a giant tray of salad, the biggest bottle of ranch dressing ever, an entire ham, and a vat of mashed potatoes. It was very sweet, but the irony is that, in situations like that, you usually don't really feel like eating. Anyway, AJ does feel like eating, and he piles food on his plate. Meadow kind of looks at him, and he says defensively, "I took some Pepto Bismol!" Silvio, Paulie, and Vito are also sitting around eating. Vito totally rips a fart on Tony's couch. I think that symbolizes how little respect Vito has for Tony. Or that Vito is just gassy.
Meadow tries to sleep in her bedroom, but she's interrupted by AJ barging in without even knocking and babbling about hybrid cars. He tells her it's "the conversation of the future." Meadow whips around and tells him off, and AJ responds in true Soprano fashion, "Poor you!" Meadow points out that she covered for AJ when he blew off going to the hospital last night. AJ thinks Meadow is accusing him of faking his stomach flu, and walks out, slamming the door behind him. Meadow flops back down on her bed, and a moment later, AJ returns, pentitent, and asks Meadow if she thinks this whole situation where "[their] father gets shot by [their] goober fucking uncle" is embarrassing. Meadow agrees and wonders what Finn's parents would say. AJ says that his friends know what Tony does, and that Uncle Junior was "always a fucking mummy"; AJ doesn't know why Tony hung out with him in the first place. Meadow says that Tony was all about family. AJ chuckles and remembers when Tony lectured him about the importance of family. AJ notices a bunch of reporters standing outside, and opens Meadow's window to yell out, "Fuck you!" Camera shutters click to capture the moment.
Carmela has coffee with Rosalie Aprile in the hospital cafeteria. Ro offers to sit with Tony, but Carmela says that the hospital only allows family in the room. Carmela gossips that Angie called, but that she's very busy at the body shop. Ro just asks Carmela if she wants some grits, which seems like the most random thing in the world to offer someone at any time, unless you are Flo from Alice, and you are asking someone to kiss said grits. AJ walks up, and Ro calls him Fabio and acts like she's hot for him or something. AJ is pissed that Carmela made a schedule of who will sit with Tony and left him off. Carmela didn't think he'd want to, and AJ says that he was sick, and was also trying to study. Apparently, his classes include "Talking to Hot Reporters While Smoking" and "Instigating Inappropriate Conversations About Hybrid Cars." I'd say he's going to make Dean's List this semester! AJ walks away in a snit. Carmela complains that AJ goes clubbing instead of studying. Ro thinks Carmela cuts him too much slack. Carmela makes the excuse that AJ is scared to see Tony in that state. Ro points out that everyone is scared, and that other kids AJ's age are fighting in Iraq. Carmela says Janice noticed that when AJ talks about the possibility of Tony dying, he never says "Dad." He refers to his father as "Anthony Soprano." Ro counters, "Well, that's a fascinating psychological nugget. But it don't change the fact that if that kid don't pull his end in this, he's never gonna forgive himself. And nobody else should either!" I am so loving Rosalie right now. I almost forgive her for hooking up with Ralphie. Carmela keeps making excuses, saying that Tony has "always loomed so large for AJ." Ro snits that AJ is "a selfish boy who doesn't give a shit." Carmela finally gets pissed and tells Rosalie that it's too bad Jackie Jr. died, but that Ro can't use AJ as "a guinea pig for [her] ideas on parenting." She adds that Rosalie never took a hard line with her son. Rosalie says very sincerely, "Why do you think I'm talking to you like this?" Carmela doesn't get it, and says that Tony has an open wound, and that watching them change the dressing is very hard to take, so she doesn't think AJ should see it. Ro just kind of rolls her eyes and sighs. That was my favorite scene in the whole episode.
A caravan of vehicles pulls into the driveway at Casa di Soprano, moving past a number of television trucks. Paulie gets out of one of the cars and shoves back a guy holding a camera, yelling that they can't come onto the property. Silvio helps Carmela and Meadow to rush inside.
Meadow, wearing a robe and a towel on her head, pours herself what looks to me like a glass of vodka while she whispers sweet nothings to Finn on the phone. Meanwhile, Carmela is being questioned by some detectives about Tony's shooting. They want to know about Tony's relationship with Junior. Carmela reports that she hasn't spoken to Junior in years, so Tony didn't talk about him with her either. They want to know about Junior's mental state. Carmela is distracted by Meadow's apparently getting into an argument with Finn on the phone because he's flying full-fare coach when he comes out. Carmela says that Tony did mention that Junior was getting more and more confused. The focus of the scene switches to Meadow's conversation with Finn, who is sitting in some sort of dental lab. She asks if he's coming to visit because he wants to support her, or because "dental school is just sucking." Finn says it's a little of both. Carmela tells the detective that they'll have to ask any further questions through her lawyer. They ignore her and relate that, when he was taken into custody, Junior somehow connected Tony with the Kennedy assassination. Carmela, out of patience, says, "My husband was three years old." She shows the detectives out and then sits in a chair. Bobby comes over and rubs her shoulder, and Carmela says she could sleep right there.
AJ is alone in the hospital, looking kind of creeped out by the doctors and patients and whatnot. He walks near Tony's room in time to see Barbara leading out Janice, who is (surprise!) sobbing. AJ walks into Tony's room timidly and stares at the blood on his father's gown, as well as the urine output from his catheter.
Carmela rings the bell to gain entrance into the ICU. It's weird how, when you have someone on an extended hospital stay, you so quickly gain familiarity with your surrounding. You get to know the nurses and their shifts, and the secret ways to get through the normally locked doors, and which bathroom is cleaned most often. I thought that was one of many details of the hospital stuff that this episode totally nailed. Carmela walks over to Tony's room and spies AJ sitting in a chair in the corner, talking animatedly to his father. She can't hear them, since Tony is behind glass, but she looks pleased and leaves them alone. The camera goes inside Tony's room and we find out that AJ is talking to his father about cool cars. Oh, AJ.
Two guys named Achmed and Mohammed are sitting at the bar at the Bing. (That sounds like the beginning of a joke, but it's not.) Christopher recognizes them, as they are apparently regulars. They ask about Tony's condition, and whether it's true that his uncle shot him. Christopher says it's not something they talk about. They wish Tony the best and turn back to the strippers. (I'm guessing that will come up in a future episode, after Christopher's conversation with Agent Harris.)
The morning, AJ wakes up in Tony's room, having slept in a chair all night. He stands up and starts to walk out the door, but then stops and turns back. He says emotionally, "I'm going to get Uncle Junior for this. Don't worry." AJ starts crying as he says, "I've watched since I was little how nice you were to him. And he doesn't get to do this to you. Put you in here and get away with it. You're my dad. And I'm going to put a bullet in his fucking mummy head, I promise. And I can't believe we're not going to, like, do stuff together again. Because we will. I'm positive." Is it wrong that I laughed when he said "fucking mummy head"? And also when he started crying. I'm not sure if that scene was supposed to be darkly humorous, but I found it pretty funny. Meadow comes in, and AJ tries to cover the fact that he was crying. She checks the monitor to Tony's bed. I don't see anything unusual, but then again, I don't know what the hell those numbers mean. But it's another detail that the writers totally nailed; especially when a patient is unconscious, you find yourself staring at the monitor and thinking every little change means something significant, and becoming an expert on the status of the numbers. Before Meadow can say anything, AJ tells her that the "Chinese guy" already knows about whatever they see on the monitor, and wants to change Tony's medications. Meadow offers to spell AJ, and he takes her up on it.
Once AJ walks outside, Carmela walks up and asks how Tony is doing. AJ says that they haven't given him his "fever medicine" yet. I like that AJ hasn't spent as much time in the hospital (plus, is kind of dumb), so he hasn't picked up on the terminology yet. Carmela tells AJ she's really proud that he stayed with Tony all night, and that it means a lot to his father. AJ points out that Tony doesn't know what's going on. Carmela says that it means a lot to her, and that AJ has helped his family tremendously. AJ decides to take advantage of the momentary good mood and confesses, "I flunked out of school." All Carmela can repeat is, "With your father in a coma!" I think the damage was done before Tony got shot. Carmela angrily tells AJ to go have breakfast. Carmela walks into Tony's room and kisses Tony's forehead. She softly says, "Anthony? Anthony, can you hear us?"
Alternate Tony goes back to his (or Finnerty's) hotel room. He takes off his shoes and scrunches his toes on the carpet like Bruce Willis in Die Hard. After staring at the phone for a minute, he picks it up, and starts to dial. But before he finishes dialing, he hangs the phone back up and goes back to sit on the bed. He looks out the window at the night sky and sees that light on the horizon from the beginning of the episode. And then the episode ends with Tony sitting there on the bed, still in limbo. Or Purgatory. Or wherever the hell he is.