First, character updates that don't apply to the storylines in this episode but will probably be relevant later. Meadow and Finn are still together, and Meadow is trying to get some sort of internship. AJ is in college, but apparently living at home and still basically being a screwup. Artie and Charmaine are reconciling. Carmela and Angie "Big Pussy's Widow" Bonpensiero are friends again. Wide Guy (Vito) is no longer so wide: he's dropped a lot of weight and won't shut up about his exercise regime. Carmela is working on her spec house, but her father used the wrong type of lumber in building it, and the inspector says that they have to knock the whole thing down and start from scratch. Carm and Tony seem to be getting along really well, and Tony buys Carm a new Porsche. Tony is still seeing Melfi, and they're still talking about his mother. Christopher is still sober. Johnny Sack is in prison, and Ginny is trying to hold onto the family assets. Phil Leotardo is running things while Johnny is behind bars. Tony thinks things are going okay, until some of Phil's people attack Hesh and his son-in-law over a misunderstanding. Phil won't talk to Tony about it, so Tony has to use back channels (Ginny's brother) to reach Johnny. Phil makes amends, but also wants to revise the financial split on another deal. Christopher can't believe that Tony agrees to it all without much argument, but Tony says that he has to try to keep the peace with Phil, since Phil is still pissed about his brother getting whacked. Gene Montecorvo (the guy who got made with Christopher) gets an inheritance and wants out of the Family to retire to Florida with his family. Meanwhile, Ray Curto kicks the bucket while giving information to the Feds. After doing a hit for Christopher, Gene thinks Tony will let him out, but Tony says no through Silvio. And then it turns out that Gene is talking to the Feds too, but now that Ray is dead, the Feds don't want Gene to go to Florida either. Gene's wife is very upset that they can't leave, so Gene finds another way out when he hangs himself (in a really ineffectual manner, essentially strangling himself) in his garage. Uncle Junior has continued to deteriorate mentally. Janice (who has had a baby with Bobby Baccala) wants to put him in a nursing home, but Tony refuses to consider it. Junior is not only forgetful, but also increasingly paranoid. At the end of the episode, Tony goes over to Junior's to cover when his sister Barbara has a family emergency and Janice pretty much refuses to help out. Junior goes upstairs to look for his dentures while Tony cooks dinner. Junior returns with a gun, and shoots Tony in the gut, because he thinks Tony is his long-dead enemy, Pussy Malanga. Junior runs upstairs and hides in his closet while Tony bleeds profusely and tries to drag himself over to a phone. After an agonizingly long time, Tony manages to dial 911, but passes out before he can say anything. The episode ends and there are no previews for week.
Normally I don't recap the "Previously On" segment, but it's been two years, so I think we all need a refresher. Previously, Tony's cousin, Diet Tony (Steve Buscemi) got out of jail. Tony revealed to Melfi that he felt responsible for Diet Tony's going to jail. Carmela told Tony that she wanted a divorce. Uncle Junior started having some less-than-lucid moments, and Tony and Janice fought over how to handle the situation. Adriana didn't want to be a rat any more, and tried to convince Christopher to enter Witness Protection with her, and then got a bullet in the brain for her troubles. Tony and Johnny Sack argued over territory. Meadow's boyfriend Finn started working construction for Tony, and inadvertently found out that Vito (formerly "Wide Guy") is gay. Meadow and Finn got engaged. AJ was more interested in partying than he was in studying. Tony and Carmela brokered a deal: he would stake her in her new construction enterprise, and she would let him move back in. Diet Tony killed Phil Leotardo's brother, and Phil wanted vengeance. Rather than let Phil kill Diet Tony the slow way, Tony did the deed himself. When Phil still wasn't satisfied, Tony went to Johnny Sack, who agreed that the matter was resolved. And then the FBI showed up to arrest Johnny Sack.
Agent Harris and Agent New Guy are driving somewhere. Agent New Guy says, "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." Hey, how about the Canadians? I guess we all know that they have excellent taste. ["Not all of us." -- Wing Chun] Agent Harris suddenly starts retching, and Agent New Guy pulls over so that Agent can spew chunks all over the road. Nice way to open the season.
After that lovely scene, the following montage is shown, with a voice-over by William S. Burroughs reading his poem "Seven Souls." Just in case it's important later, I'll detail what Burroughs is saying with what we're seeing on the screen.
Burroughs: "The Ancient Egyptians postulated seven souls. Top soul and the first to leave at the moment of death is Ren, the Secret Name. This corresponds to my Director. He directs the film of your life from conception to death. The Secret Name is the title of your film. When you die, that's where Ren comes in." Accompanying this passage, we see Vito showing off his weight loss in what appears to be an ad for "Thin Club," probably a nod to the actor's time on Celebrity Fit Club, and Janice breastfeeding a baby and not looking too happy about it.
Burroughs: "Second soul, and second one off the sinking ship, is Sekem: Energy, Power, Light. The Director gives the orders, Sekem presses the right buttons." Bobby Baccala is playing with some model trains while wearing an engineer's cap. Suddenly, he's turned into John Patterson from For Better or For Worse. Gene Pontevorco reads a letter and then hugs his wife and jumps up and down in glee.
Burroughs: "Number three is Khu, the Guardian Angel. He, she, or it is third man out." Meadow performs a dance for Finn in her bra and panties. Interestingly, she's dancing in front of the TV, which is on and showing what looks like the History Channel. Is she annoyed that Finn was watching TV and trying to distract him? Have Finn and Tony discussed their shared love of shows about Hitler?
Burroughs: "Number four is Ba, the Heart, often treacherous." Another TV shows footage of what looks like President Bush rebuilding houses somewhere, perhaps the Gulf Coast. For those of you trying to narrow down the timeline, it's clearly post-Katrina. Anyway, speaking of "treacherous," Ray Curto runs on a treadmill in front of the TV.
Burroughs: "Number five is Ka, the Double, most closely associated with the subject. The Ka, which usually reaches adolescence at the time of bodily death, is the only reliable guide through the Land of the Dead." AJ sits in the back of what looks like a college classroom and takes pictures of himself making funny faces with his cell-phone camera. Then we see footage of an unfinished house as the voice-over pauses for a moment. So are we to think that AJ is Tony's double, and that the house will be what leads to Tony's death? I'm probably reading too much into it. But clearly those images were shown in that order for a reason. Anyway, we go inside the house as Carmela and...Adriana! What? Carm and Ade are walking around the house. Carm says that a family will live in the house when it's finished, by October, adding, "I'm worried, Ade." Adriana says that everybody is, and Carm replies, "No. I am worried, all the time." Carm grabs Ade's cigarette and takes a drag as Adriana fades from existence and our screens, clearly a dream or mirage. Burroughs: "Number six is Khaibit, the Shadow, Memory, your whole past conditioning from this and other lives." Carmela wakes up in her bed, looking shocked and upset. Burroughs: "Number seven is Sekhu, the remains."
So here's a theory. The seven souls departing are the people or events that are going to betray or otherwise lead to Tony's ultimate downfall at the end of the series (death, prison, take your pick). So in order, they were: Vito, Janice, Bobby, Gene, Meadow and Finn, Ray Curto, AJ, Adriana, and Carmela. And if you read the whole poem, Burroughs posits that Ka (AJ) is the only one you can trust. Interesting.
Tony is digging holes in Uncle Jun's backyard. Tony hasn't found anything. Uncle Junior insists that he has $40,000 buried there, his share from some '70s heist. Tony suggests that the money wasn't wrapped right and disintegrated. Junior thinks that his old nemesis, Pussy Malanga, is behind it. You may recall that, in the very first episode, Tony started a fire at Vesuvio to prevent Uncle Junior from whacking Pussy Malanga there, so nice callback. Tony looks annoyed, and Uncle Junior looks more confused than usual. Tony reminds Junior that Pussy Malanga's been dead for six years. A neighbor pauses on her back porch to see what Tony's yelling about, and Tony yells, "Moles! They digging through your sprinklers too?" The neighbor wisely heads inside without replying. Tony more gently tells Jun that they can keep looking later, and leads an agitated Junior inside.
Tony rinses off his face as Janice enters. Tony yells at her for being late. Uncle Junior asks where the baby is, and Bobby wheels in a baby in a stroller, explaining that they had a load of baby crap to pack up, which Tony probably remembers doing himself. Tony yells that he didn't do that crap. I do hope they get a little bit into Janice's probably being a new-agey parent, all concerned with her child's self-esteem and stuff, versus Tony's more old-school parenting methods. Janice chastises Tony for not saying hello to his niece, and Tony waves to the baby, who looks to be less than a year old in my estimation. Bobby leads Junior out of the kitchen to get dressed as Janice makes really ostentatious goo goo ga ga noises at the baby. Junior is two steps out of the room when Janice asks how he's doing. Tony says that Junior is "Knucklehead Smith," and can't remember if he ate or not. Janice brings up a subject they have clearly discussed many times: moving Junior to Green Grove. Tony's completely against it, first saying that Junior can't afford it with his legal bills, and then reminding Janice how it affected Livia. Janice thinks their mother was thriving there. Ha! Tony ends the conversation by saying that it's the least they can do to take care of Junior.
Phil Leotardo visits Johnny Sack in prison. Johnny's got the orange jumpsuit on and everything. Phil reports, in coded language, that Tony wants to split some new project the same way they did the Esplanade deal. Johnny disagrees, and Phil promises to hold the line. Johnny asks how Phil is getting along with Tony, day-to-day. Phil's still mad about his brother's murder, but he's putting it aside at Johnny's request. The guard shows in Ginny Sack and her brother, and Phil comments that Ginny has been "a rock" for her husband. Johnny says that Ginny's brother is fitting him for contacts so that he doesn't have to use glasses while he's in the courtroom for his trial. So his trial hasn't even started yet, apparently.
Gene Pontecorvo (aka Thin Guy) visits Tony in his office and reports that Bobby is still screwing up his sports book. Tony is annoyed, and Gene hands over a gift of really expensive watches for Tony and his family. Tony is impressed and jokes that "there's a jeweler somewhere filing an insurance claim today." Gene says that, actually, his aunt died. Tony offers his condolences with the typical "What're ya gonna do?" Gene says that the "silver cloud" is that his aunt left him just over $2 million. The two men laugh about it. Gene says that he and his wife love Florida, and that they want to retire in Fort Myers. Tony asks, "What're you, a hockey player?" I didn't know that hockey players retired early. Is that, like, a thing? ["Maybe they retire to Florida? I actually thought hockey players tended to have longer careers than most pro athletes in other sports." -- Wing Chun] Tony points out that Gene took an oath, and that there's no retirement from their job. Gene reminds Tony about "Joe Bananas," and Tony laughs. He asks what he would do with Gene's responsibilities, like the sports book. Gene says that there are clearly others who want his spot, and reminds Tony that they go back a long way. Tony gets all nostalgic about CYO basketball. Gene makes a heartfelt plea, and Tony promises to think about it. They hug.
Gene's wife, Deanne, and their young daughter look through brochures of houses. Gene walks in and says that he talked to Tony, and that he's thinking about it. Between Gene and his wife, I have never seen so many velour warm-up suits in one place. Deanne talks excitedly about a house they've been eyeing in Florida. Their teenaged son walks in, on his way out. Gene wants to know where he's going, which leads to a fight in which the son vows that he's not getting high anymore. Just before it gets physical, the son storms out. Gene looks like he's about to start crying, but instead grabs a candy dish and smashes it against the fireplace.
Tony and Carmela go to a sushi restaurant. The waitress lays out some dishes and they prepare to dig in. Carmela says that she often fantasizes about the food there. That must be some really good sushi. Tony says that he does too, sometimes during sex. They share a smile, so I guess things are good there. Carmela brings up her nightmare about Adriana in the spec house. Tony tries to change the subject, and Carmela asks Tony for what is clearly not the first time to call the building inspector so that she can reverse a stop-work order on her house. Carmela continues musing about Adriana's whereabouts, and Tony says that Ade probably met some guy. Carmela can't believe Ade would just take off and not call anyone for over a year. Tony starts talking about his food, and the waitress comes by with more, changing the subject again. Carmela says that she visited Ginny, and that it turns out the Sacks could lose everything while Johnny waits for his trial. Tony exposits that Jimmy Patrille was Johnny's father's consigliere, and that he's the one who ratted Johnny out. Tony says, "Why do you think I toss at night? It ain't just the apnea." Can you picture Tony in one of those forced-air breathing masks? That would be hilarious. Carmela says that Tony hasn't been taking his antidepressants, and Tony quips, "And yet the bonefish are back in season!" I don't think they're talking about dinner anymore. Tony reminds her that he had a great year, and Carmela agrees that they're very lucky. Tony says that it's more than that, and looks pleased with himself.
Hesh and his son-in-law, Eli, walk to their car at night, after getting Chinese food. As they get into their car, another one pulls up and pins them into their parking spot. Some guys intent on damage get out and start pounding on the windows, telling Eli and Hesh to get out. They all call each other by name, so they all know one another. Hesh tells Eli to take off, but Eli is blocked in by the other cars. Eli notices that one of the guys has put a makeshift wick into the gas tank, and yells that the guys are trying to burn them out. Hesh and Eli bail from the car. The guys start roughing up Eli, saying that Jerry warned him. Hesh knocks the flaming wick from the gas tank and stomps out the fire. The guys beat the crap out of Eli, and punch Hesh for good measure. Eli manages to get up and stumbles back toward his car, but he's smeared by a taxi as soon as he steps into the road. Oops.
The guys sit in front of Satriale's, drinking espresso. Vito, wearing a shiny turquoise suit, is bragging about his weight loss and all the new clothing opportunities available to him. Ray Curto cracks on Vito and everyone laughs, so Vito makes fun of Gene's Members Only jacket. Phil and Tony walk out of the market, and Phil refers to Vito as his cugino, or cousin. They're cousins? Five seasons, you think someone would have mentioned it. Anyway, Vito continues bragging about his fitness regime, and they dish about family issues as Phil walks to his car. Christopher wants to know what Phil, "that jerkoff," wanted, adding, "The eyebrows -- I can't stand him." Hee! Christopher making fun of someone else's eyebrows. Priceless. How Michael Imperioli pulled that line off with a straight face, I do not know. Tony says that Phil is doing a good job taking care of Johnny's Family and family while Johnny's in prison. Christopher reminds Tony that Phil wanted Christopher killed, and Tony tells him to let it go. Vito returns and asks if Tony and Phil settled their office-park issues, and Tony says that they promised to revisit it.
The conversation is cut short because Agent Harris and Agent New Guy have just arrived. Tony acts excited to see the man who wants to put him away for life. Agent Harris says that he was transferred to terrorism and had to go to Pakistan. Tony comments that Agent Harris looks like he's lost weight, and Vito takes that as license to talk about diets again. Agent Harris says that he caught a parasite overseas, and that the doctors don't know what it is. Christopher asks, "What do they eat, tabboleh?" I don't know why every line he says tonight is cracking me up. Agent Harris says he actually came to get "a Satriale's veal parm hero," and heads inside. Christopher says that he hopes "that parasite eats [Harris's] asshole off," and Tony says that he kind of feels bad for the guy.
Tony gets a phone call from Hesh, explaining what happened to him and Eli.
Cut to a hospital, where Eli is in rough, rough shape. Tony walks in with Christopher and Vito, and greets Hesh and his daughter. The daughter leaves to get Hesh a drink and, of course, Vito makes a request too, like, who asked you? God, he's annoying this season. Hesh fills the guys in on what happened, and Christopher misunderstands and asks, "Chinks did this?" Hesh thinks that Christopher is being a smart-ass, and then tells Vito that it was his cousin, Phil, who did this. Hesh says that he has "some money on the street over there," and Phil's guy, Jerry (whom Vito calls "The Hairdo") thought that Eli was "some independent shy trying to poach his customers." They all bemoan Eli's fate, and Tony orders Vito to "send someone to Brooklyn" to talk to Phil about Jerry's actions. Vito immediately whips out his cell phone.
Carmela and her father, Hugh, wander around the spec house with the building inspector. He inspects the lumber as Hugh blathers on about gables. The building inspector reports that he can't reverse the stop-work order, because Hugh used utility-grade pine, which is below code. Hugh wants to talk to some guy named Pudgie Walsh about it, and is informed that he's retired. Carmela asks if there's anything they can do. The building inspector, who either doesn’t know or doesn't care whom Carmela is married to, says that they can appeal it further, but that he'd recommend "starting over with the proper lumber." The inspector leaves, and Carmela yells at her father, who dismisses the whole thing as "bureaucratic bullshit." Carmela reminds him that she hired him to do a job, and Hugh says that he thought they were partners. He storms out, saying, "To hell with this. No good deed goes unpunished." Carmela's mouth tightens even more than usual, if that's possible.
The guys (Tony, Vito, Christopher, Silvio, Paulie, and some other guy who I thought was Ray Curto, but it's not) eat at Vesuvio. Paulie calls for menus in the most Paulie-like way possible: "Ho! Artie! Menus!" Vito rejoins the table, pocking his phone. Tony asks if he was talking to Phil, but Vito says that it was his wife. Why do I think he's lying? Tony says he wants the Hesh thing settled. Artie arrives with menus, as requested. Christopher says that he could recite the menu in his sleep, and Tony also waves him away. What's with the abuse of Artie? Not that I disapprove, since Artie's a weasel, but it's curious. Artie leaves; Silvio asks if Artie got the bread from "the bread museum," and Vito disparages the antipasto. Tony bitches that now he has to go through Ginny's brother to get to Johnny Sack, since Phil won't return his calls. Paulie is disgusted, but Tony says he has to use back channels. Tony throws down his silverware, peeved, and says he can't catch a break. Wow, after he was just telling Carmela how lucky they are!
Ray Curto meets Agent Sanseverino in a car. She hasn't been fired over the Ade debacle? Ray hands over a tape of Tony talking about "the Angelo Giacalone murder," which must have happened offscreen or between seasons. Ray says that the sound quality isn't good, but that he can back it up in court. Before Ray can explain, he starts choking, and then dies. That quickly. Yeah, that Tony has no luck.
Cut to Tony and Carmela at Ray's funeral. Tony joins his guys. Some random guy starts talking about a Vietnam vet he knows who drank formaldehyde while over there to get high. Christopher nods knowingly and says, "It's the alcohol," like alcohol was ever Christopher's biggest problem. Tony quietly asks Christopher if his AA sponsor needs to be there. Christopher says, "It ain't just that he helps me with the disease, Ton'. This guy's great at forging documents." Heh. The guys talk about other people who've died, which allows Christopher to trot out his old "Isn't it weird that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease?" semi-joke. Tony thinks Christopher is being too flippant, and Christopher and his sponsor duck out for a smoke.
Gene takes this opportunity to corner Tony and hand over some cash as Tony's "taste" of the inheritance. Gene asks about his retirement scenario, and Tony says he's still mulling it over, and dismisses Gene pretty quickly because Rusty (Frankie Valli) is there. It seems that Rusty hates Phil just as much as Tony does. Rusty shares some news about another guy who just turned informant, and they both talk about how Ray was "a stand-up guy." Heh. Rusty hugs Tony goodbye, and Tony tells Carmela that he needs to get out of there for a minute.
Gene and Deanne, in their bedroom, talk about their plans. Deanne is pissed that Tony hasn't made a decision yet, and Gene says that he's doing what he can to hurry things along. Their daughter arrives and asks why they're fighting. Deanne thinks that Tony should see "what a huge opportunity this is for [them]," like Tony cares about their opportunities.
Post-funeral, Tony and Carmela are back at the sushi place, pigging out. They walk outside, and Tony says that he's got some stuff to do, and needs Carmela to find her own way home. Carmela reminds him that she doesn't have her car, and a guy pulls up in a brand-new Porsche, which Tony bought for her as a gift. Carmela is thrilled, but still annoyed that Tony never talked to the building inspector. But not so annoyed that she doesn't hop right into the car and squeal.
Hey! Tony's walking around his house in his robe! He stumbles downstairs and asks AJ, "Joe College," where Carmela went. AJ says that she went shopping with Rosalie Aprile. Tony asks why AJ's new suit jacket is out, and AJ says he's lending it to a friend. Meadow walks through in a bathing suit and towel, and Tony asks her about some internship. She says that she has an interview week, and Tony asks her to keep him updated, since his lawyer helped to set it up. Meadow leaves, and Tony tells AJ that he'll never see that jacket again. They argue about Tony's low opinion of people, and Tony says, "Let me tell you something, AJ. I don't care how close you are. In the end, friends are gonna let you down. Family: they're the ones you can depend him." Do you feel like those words might come back to bite him in the ass?
Tony's in Melfi's office, both in their old familiar seats. Tony is talking about Uncle Junior, and how he used to be so sharp, and how far he's fallen. Tony tells a story about how he was in a car with Junior, and there was a nanny pushing a baby carriage down the sidewalk, and then an old woman in a wheelchair. Melfi muses, "The circle of life." Tony retorts, "The circle jerk of life. Where's the dignity?" Melfi thinks that, in the end, you need to let go of pride and let your loved ones care for you. Tony says he would rather his loved ones hold a pillow over his face. Melfi points out that that's an interesting choice of words, since Tony tried to smother his mother with a pillow. Tony doesn't remember that happening, and says that he "grabbed a pillow, but it was just to keep [his] hands occupied." Melfi suggests getting some in-home care for Junior, and Tony says that they have a girl from Trinidad who comes in days. Melfi inquires about "assisted living," and Tony flies off the handle. Melfi thinks that they're really talking about how Tony "cannot accept [that he] had a mother that didn't love [him]." Melfi adds, "In pitying your uncle, the man she conspired with, you're turning the blame for what she did, back on yourself, again, after all this time." Tony is annoyed, and asks if Melfi's mother ever let her down or hurt her feelings. Melfi says that her mother could be manipulative, but never tried to kill her. Tony thinks he pushed Livia to do that. Melfi points out that Tony only placed his mother "in a lovely retirement community." Tony yells, "It's a nursing home." Melfi again points out that Tony can't accept that his mother didn't value him.
Tony goes to talk to Ginny's brother about Hesh, and he promises to talk to Johnny. Tony asks after Ginny, and the brother says that she's got the weight of the world. Christopher, Silvio, and Paulie lurk in the background, trying on sunglasses. Tony picks out the most expensive pair of sunglasses in the shop and then laughs that he left his wallet in his car, and walks out wearing them. I guess he's just trying to remind Ginny's brother who's boss.
Ginny and her brother visit Johnny in prison. Ginny says that the IRS wants to inventory their entire house. Johnny thinks he should sell his Maserati, and the brother agrees. Interesting that Johnny is having to sell his sports car when Tony just bought one for his wife. Ginny reports that Christopher came by the house asking about the car, and would pay cash for it. Ginny's brother says, "The hairdo? He's in a beef with the Jew." Johnny is disgusted, and orders Ginny's brother to have Phil handle it. Ginny calms everyone down and pulls out some photos from their daughter Allega's bridal shower. Johnny thumbs through the photos and looks especially sad when he sees one of Ginny, Allegra, and some other young girl looking happy. ["Wasn't that Meadow?" -- Wing Chun] He looks at Ginny, apologetic and sad.
Christopher, Tony, and Vito wait for Phil to show up for a sitdown, but Phil is late. Christopher thinks Phil's behavior is "passive-aggressive bullshit," which he recognizes from his AA work. Phil finally shows up, and Vito says it's about time because he was "starting to grow mushrooms out [his] ass." Yuck.
The men walk outside for their conversation. Phil says that the whole thing was a misunderstanding. Gerry, the hairdo, does have quite the blond pompadour. Tony gives him some shit, and then asks how they plan to make up for it. Phil offers $25K, and Tony thinks it should be more, so Phil offers $50K. Tony accepts, and I found it amusing that after all that angst, the matter was settled so quickly. Phil asks to talk about a more pressing issue: the split on the office park. He thinks it should be 65-35. Tony rolls his eyes, but agrees, and they shake on it. As Phil and his crew leave (Vito walking Phil out -- something he seems to be doing quite a bit lately), Christopher asks Tony why he always caves to Phil. Tony says that it's a strategy, because Johnny's not around to keep Phil under control. Tony points out that New York has over two hundred soldiers, and presumably, New Jersey has far fewer. Christopher says darkly (and perhaps presciently), "I'm not scared of them."
Gene arrives with lunch for Christopher and Vito, and is disappointed to hear that Tony's already gone. Vito scans the food for something he can have on his diet, and settles on a hot dog without the bun. And I just paused the picture on Vito sticking the hot dog in his mouth, which made me giggle. Vito leaves the room, and Gene asks Christopher if Tony said anything about his retirement. Chirstopher is noncommittal, and then tells Gene that he needs to give a deadbeat guy in Boston "final notice." Gene thinks he needs to run it by Vito, since Vito's his captain. Christopher says it's all good, and Gene asks if this is from Tony, probably thinking that this is his price for retirement. Christopher says it's coming from him, and points out that he's a captain, too. Gene agrees to it. Christopher says he needs it to happen right away, and promises to put in a good word with Tony once it's done. Gene looks haunted.
Tony is at the sushi restaurant by himself, pigging out and burping. Don't know what that was all about.
Gene and Deanne are on speakerphone with their realtor as they look at photos online of the house they want to buy. They're both gleeful about their potential purchase. Deanne says, "If we lose this house, I'm gonna die." I so thought she was a goner, right there. ["Heh. Totally. Glark went, 'This'll end well.'" -- Wing Chun]
At Casa di Soprano, Carmela yells upstairs and asks Tony what he wants to do for dinner. Tony, upstairs in the master suite, says he'll be right down. He goes into the bathroom and weighs himself. The scale is at about 285. He steps off, removes his shoes, and tries again. Still not happy with the number, he removes his pants, and tries again. Now it's at 280. Tony nods as if he's thinking, "Okay! As long as it's not over 280."
Tony heads downstairs to the kitchen. Carmela mentions dinner again. The camera is placed really far from the action, so that we see the empty dining room table and breakfast bar in the foreground, and Tony and Carmela in the background. I'm guessing this is to symbolize how empty their house is, or how with everything they have at home, they still need to go outside of it to meet their desires. Or maybe the director just liked how the doorway framed the action. Anyway, Carmela wants to go back to the sushi place, but Tony says he had lunch there alone. Carmela is disappointed that he went without her, since it's their special place. Tony thinks Carmela suspects he was with a woman, but she denies that that's the problem. She thought it was nice with "no kids around, without [her] parents." The shot changes to the long shot again, as if to emphasize how Carmela is complaining about how crowded their house is, when it's actually quite empty. Tony offers to go again, but Carmela thinks that would be silly. Tony tries to make it okay, but Carmela gets all passive-aggressive about it. Tony mentions the car, to remind her of a time he did something right, and she just nods.
Gene walks into a hamburger place in Boston. He walks up to the mark, shoots him three times, drops the gun from his gloved hand, and walks out. So he left the gun, but he didn't take the cannoli.
Gene drives home to New York while listening to "Dreaming" by Blondie. He notices a splotch of blood on his face, and uses his finger to remove it. He wipes his finger on a map, leaving a streak of blood on the greater Utica/Rome area. You decide what the symbolism is there.
Carmela goes to visit Ginny Sack. Ginny admits that she hasn't been answering the phone due to calls from creditors. Carmela wants to kidnap Ginny for a spa date, but doesn't offer to treat. Carm has also very obviously parked her new car right in front of Ginny's house, and Ginny spots it (how could she not?) and asks if it's new. Carmela acts like she didn't do it on purpose, and like she's not using her new car to make herself feel better about her good fortune compared to Ginny's.
In the back room if the Bing, Vito is going on and on about his workout routine to Silvio. Vito thinks Tony should work out too, because "God forbid he ever has a heart attack." Gene plays pool and listens in. A waitress opens the door and tells Vito that he's in the handicapped spot and needs to move his car. Vito leaves, giving Silvio the opportunity to tell Gene that the "Florida thing" is "a no-go" because Gene is "part of the team." Gene points out that he just "did that thing," but Silvio says that's not his department. Gene asks if he can appeal to Tony, and Silvio says that Tony can't be bothered, because he's out on his new boat. Gene points out that he won't talk about anything, given how culpable he is himself. Silvio shrugs and walks out. Vito returns and says, "It's not so silly when you think about it. I'm a top earner now. It's not out of the realm of possibility that I could be the boss of this family one day. I mean, God forbid, Tony ever gets cancer, coronary, something like that." At first, I thought Vito was responding to Gene getting denied, but I don't think he heard it, or even knew about it. I think he was following up on the conversation they were having when he left the room, about Tony possibly having a heart attack. But who knew Vito had ambitions? Maybe he's been talking to Phil a little too much.
Tony's out on his new boat, the Stugots II, when he gets a phone call. It's his sister, Barbara, who's sitting with Uncle Junior. She's had a family emergency, and her husband's in the hospital. Tony tells her to leave as Junior retches in the background. Barbara says that Junior is "exceptionally agitated" and won't let her leave. Tony tells her to call Bobby and Janice, but Barbara reports that they said they can't do it and wouldn't elaborate. Barbara apologizes, but Tony tells her that it's all right. He hangs up, and gets a tone warning him that his phone battery is low. He dials Janice anyway, but his phone cuts out before the call can connect, so Tony chucks it.
Janice goes out to the garage where Bobby is wearing the engineer's cap again, working on his expansive train village. Janice says that she's going to toss all the crap in the garbage, and Bobby is upset that she's belittling his hobby. Hey, I'd take up a hobby that kept me away from Janice, too. Then again, I wouldn't marry her in the first place, much less procreate. How the hell old is Janice supposed to be anyway? I'm surprised she can still get knocked up, but maybe she is, too. Anyway, Bobby says that he has to go make his collections. Tony walks up the driveway and yells that they don't seem too busy to him. Janice says that they have a preschool meeting for Nica, their daughter. Tony points out that she's only fifteen months old, and that baby does not look that old to me, but what do I know. Janice probably smoked when she was pregnant. Janice points out that Carmela was super-competitive about preschool with AJ, so Tony doesn't have a leg to stand on. Tony yells about Uncle Junior, and Janice complains, "This child! Constantly wanting the breast." You have to wonder if she's talking about the baby or Tony or Uncle Junior. Janice says that both of them need to go to the meeting, and Tony tells her to call the nurse. Janice thinks the nurse is unreliable. Bobby offers to go, and Tony flips out and says he'll take care of it. As he walks off, Janice calls out faux-sweetly, "You were the one who was opposed to assisted living!" Tony turns and walks back with that look on his face like he wants to knock her into week. Bobby gulps and removes his engineer's cap like he just realized he was still wearing it. Tony points at Janice menacingly and says, "You are I are going to fucking talk."
Carmela has dinner with Angie "Big Pussy's Widow" Bonpensiero at Vesuvio. Artie comes by and says that he's happy to see the ladies patch things up. They both agree that it was silly, and they don't really remember what happened. Um, Carmela felt awkward since she knows her husband killed Angie's husband? Artie says that he and Tony once didn't speak for months, but then picked right up. Artie also reports that he and Charmaine are getting back together. The women are happy for them. Wow, can't wait to see how that happened.
Gene tries to convince Deanne that it will be just as good for them to stay in New Jersey and buy a bigger house. Deanne is clearly pissed. Gene thinks he could make captain. Deanne just gives him a look like she can't believe him. She grabs something from behind a pillow and hands it to Gene, saying that she found it under their son's bed. It's a syringe and a burnt spoon in a baggie. Gene says that Florida wouldn't be any better with regard to drugs. Deanne is sick of hearing about Tony, and suggests that Gene "kill him, put a bullet in his fucking head." Gene says he can't. Deanne says she knows that he's killed before, and that Tony is a piece of shit. Wow, she's a regular Lady Macbeth. Gene asks if their life is that bad. Deanne won't relent, but Gene keeps trying to convince her that Jersey will work. Deanne sadly says, "There's nothing I can say," and walks out. You know, I feel bad for her in a way, but just like Carmela, she knew what she was signing on for. You reap what you sow.
Junior sits on his couch, watching an old movie. I don't know what movie it is, but the scene is about two military men who are fighting a war, and one reminds the other that there's no room for sentimentality. Nice commentary. I don't know how they find these film clips sometimes. Tony walks into the darkened house, calling out for his uncle. Junior complains that he lost his uppers, and Tony assures him that they'll find them. Junior then complains that someone keeps calling and hanging up, and he thinks it's Pussy Malanga. Tony promises to "get J. Edgar Hoover right on it." Junior doesn't react to the joke. Tony tells Junior to go upstairs and find his uppers while Tony cooks dinner. Junior stands up and yells, "I had a banana in there." What? He is so losing it.
Gene walks into the bedroom where Deanne is crying. He says that they can buy a condo in Florida now, and he'll make another run at Tony in six months or a year. Deanne isn't satisfied with that plan. Gene says that she and the kids could move down now, and in a year or two, Tony could be gone. Gene's phone rings and he says he has to take it. "His master's voice," says Deanne dryly.
Gene takes the call in the bathroom and asks, "Now?!" That's actually how my captioning punctuated it.
Gene parks on a dark side street, gets out of his car, and gets into another one, where he meets up with Agent Sanseverino. Gene's a rat? Holy crap. The agents complain that Gene's been out of touch, and that they need him now more than ever since they lost "a major asset." Gene didn't know Ray was a rat too. The agents tell Gene that he's "a designated hitter." Gene brings up his Florida plan, but the FBI needs him in Jersey, gathering information. One agent tells him, "Florida's one of those things you've gotta let go." Gene sits back and sighs. They immediately start pumping Gene for information. Man, those agents are really bad with the people skills.
Gene sits in his house, drinking and looking at old photo albums of his family on the beach. He picks up a shell sitting on the table as he stares at a picture of his wife and kids.
Cut to Gene kicking a box out from under his own feet as he hangs himself in the garage. Unfortunately, he didn't drop from high enough up, so instead of breaking his neck instantly, he slowly strangles to death. The scene goes on forever as Gene swings around and struggles, but finally he gives a few final twitches, and goes still. The only sound is the urine dripping from his swinging body onto the floor. I'm guessing this is that lack of dignity Tony was talking about earlier.
Tony puts dry pasta into some boiling water in Junior's kitchen as he bops around to the music from the radio. He walks to the stairs and yells upstairs to Junior that dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Junior asks who it is, and says, "Don't go anywhere!" Tony heads into the living room and starts looking through record albums. Junior shuffles down the stairs and over to Tony, shouts something in Italian that includes the word "Malanga," and then pulls out a gun and shoots Tony in the gut.
Tony falls to the floor as Junior hurries back upstairs with his gun. He looks around, confused, and then pushes the gun under his bed. Then he gets into his closet, and sits on the floor, terrified.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Tony tries to pull himself over to the phone. He checks the hand that's been clutching his gut, and it's covered in blood. Tony finally gets a hand on the phone, but falls backward when he tries to pick it up, and rips the phone out of the wall.
Carmela and Angie walk out to the Vesuvio parking lot, laughing. Angie notices Carmela's Porsche, and Carmela acts like it's no big deal. Angie turns off the car alarm on her own car, a Corvette. Carmela is shocked that Angie bought it herself, and turns to her own car, which now doesn't seem so great since it was bought with Tony's dirty money.
Meanwhile, Tony is still huffing and puffing on the living room floor. He starts yelling for Uncle Junior to call 911. Junior, in the closet like R. Kelly, doesn't move. Tony manages to pull himself on his back into the kitchen, where there's another phone. The camera moves to a ceiling view, so that as Tony reaches up to try to grab the wall phone, it looks like he's trying to climb a mountain. Tony manages to remove the handset and dial 911, but he passes out before he can say anything. The operator finally answers, but Tony is silent and white on the kitchen floor as the pasta water boils in the background.