Hello again! Joe R. is under the weather, so I'll be guiding you through the mysteries and twisty little passages that make up the So You Think You Can Dance results show. Let's go!
The opening group dance is a Bollywood number. As usual, I know nothing about Bollywood (and, odds are, neither do you), but it certainly looks better with fourteen people than the usual two-person jobs we get on this show. It kind of takes the fun out of the "guess the choreographer" game, though, because this show only knows one Bollywood guy, so it's obviously Nakul Dev Mahajan.
Carmen Electra is not here tonight, but Travis is still on the panel. So we're doing great so far. And Travis is in a more traditional black-and-white tuxedo, although I'm pretty sure it's still velvet. He explains that it was hard to give honest critiques when he knows he'll have to work with some of them week (spoilers, I guess, unless "week" isn't meant to be taken literally). I thought he did great! He never said "You're terrible" when he could say "Here's a specific thing to work on."
The first two couples are Melanie/Marko and Caitlin/Mitchell. Melanie and Marko had a jazz number that looked like it kind of wanted to be a Paso Doble instead. Caitlin and Mitchell had a dance that the judges liked a lot more than I did, although I certainly didn't hate it. Both couples are safe, which means that three of the remaining five couples are in the bottom. Cat comments that the hugs between the two safe couples seem to be going on longer than usual. When we get a look at them, Melanie has entwined her legs completely around Mitchell. One thing I love about this show that you don't get on solo competitions like Idol is that the contestants all work together and end up seeming to really like each other.
National Dance Day. Tabitha and Napoleon have a "hardcore master class," which is no such thing. Robin Antin causes this episode's contractually obligated mention of the Pussycat Dolls by having worked up an "intermediate intensive," whatever that is. And Mary Murphy has a "hot tamale salsa" that, we're told, anyone can learn. There's a guy doing it in a wheelchair. The music this whole time is that wretched Party Rock Anthem. And now there isn't just a day (July 30, if you must know), there's also a place: any Six Flags theme park. This just went from awful to hilarious! If it's at Six Flags, shouldn't the terrible dance music be the Vengaboys? To be fair, Nigel tries to distance himself from Six Flags, saying that you can do it anywhere. And then he drops Donny Osmond's name.
Three more couples! Ashley and Chris had a salsa I didn't much care for. They're in the bottom three, which is obviously what they get for displeasing me. Nigel admits that last night when the judges were all "It wasn't quite there for me," they were just hedging their bets and what they meant was "That wasn't good enough." Clarice and Jess had Justin Giles and were pretty good! I'm coming around on Jess, although I'm largely indifferent to Clarice. Jordan and Tadd had a smooth waltz that prompted Nigel's traditional "You're a hip hop dancer!" freaking out. Jordan and Tadd are in the bottom three, and Clarice and Jess are safe. Travis gives this a thumbs-down. Mary says that the audience (that's you! Not me; I don't vote) must have gone to the kitchen and missed the waltz. She does admit that it might have been Jordan and Tadd's weakest performance to date, but she insists that it wasn't bad. I have a theory that the waltz is super-boring and aside from ballroom nerds, no one cares.
The last two couples are Ryan and Ricky; and Sasha and Alexander. Everyone loved Ryan and Ricky's Zombie dance because Bowie is awesome. Sasha and Alexander did that date-based hip hop routine that nobody was really into. I have a bad feeling about this, but at least I'll get to see Sasha's solo. But no! Sasha and Alexander are safe! Ryan and Ricky are in the bottom three! I'm shocked by that, actually. Travis admits that he, too, is shocked. "I think America got it wrong, for sure." He advises Ryan and Ricky to channel the emotions they're feeling (which he knows about) into their solos.
And now for Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet. It's pretty awesome. I think it's slightly more "contemporary" than "ballet," but it's got an energy and muscularity to it that a lot of contemporary is missing. And there's a lot of movement going on all the time, which is a nice change from the pose-based dances we sometimes see. Also nice: there are no plot or characters. Or if there are, we don't have to know about them.
I would be remiss if I did not mention that Cat appears to be wearing a Wrestling Championship Belt. It looks good on her!
Okay, it's time for the solos. Ashley hops around and does some fairly ballet-like moves. Chris does some cool-ass popping. This is why the solos are in the show, because it's nice to see the dancers do something they're really good at. Jordan breaks out a leg extension in the first two seconds of her dance and works in another five before she's done. Tadd does a cheerful, good-natured routine that seemed a lot more hooked in with the music that most of the solos are. Then we have some commercials.
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When we come back, I think Cat's having to do a tiny amount of time-filling. Then it's time for more solos. Ryan runs back and forth and spins around. I don't get this solo at all. Ricky does a couple leg extension of his own, just to show that the guys can do them too. Cat dismisses the judges and Travis looks overwhelmed by the alleged responsibility of deciding who's going to get cut.
And now Florence and the Machine perform. There is no dance involved at all. They do have a harpist on stage, which is kind of interesting. This song is boring and there's a pretty good chance you've heard it already if it's the sort of thing you're into. I guess it's worth noting that I can't make out any of the words. This could be in Gaelic for all I can tell.
It's time to end some dreams. Cat reports that there are tears on the stage. Girls first. Nigel says that all the girls are beautiful. And that Kim Kardashian is here, at which Jordan gives a shout-out point. And Ashley waves like a loon at her. Ryan just smiles. Awesome. I don't know how you're supposed to react to Kim Kardashian, but I think Ashley had the right choice. Nigel blathers about showing "different sides" and "upping your game" and whatever. He tells Jordan she's doing too many développés, which I'm pretty sure means the thing I've been calling "leg extensions." The forums have a cruder name for it. He says she's been sensational in her routines, though, so her solo problems don't amount to much. He praises Ryan briefly and moves on to Ashley, who gets cut. Aw. Poor Ashley. Sasha is so overcome that she has to turn away from the camera. Ashley is in tears and Travis looks wrecked. He's not cut out for the dream-crushing business.
Boys! Nigel tells Ricky that, to Marko, he's the best contemporary dancer they have this season. Well, that's faint praise at best. I mean, I love Marko, but it's hard to see how someone can win the whole season if they're not even the best in their own category. Nigel also wants Ricky to connect more with his partner. Chris does awesome solos. Nigel says that Travis very much wants to work with Tadd. Then Chris gets brought forward again to be told that he's being cut because he doesn't do enough in the routines, as opposed to the solos. That's fair, I think. Although I do like him.
Cat says goodbye, and both Ashley and Chris are clearly destroyed by this. Chris is trying to smile through his tears, but it's not going well. I assume that Cat will take them out for dinner or something, right? Geez, now I feel kind of bad for rating Ashley and Chris as my least favorite dance last night.
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