Before we get into the show, I have been informed that when Nigel said that Chris did a good job dancing like a woodpecker, he was incorrect. That was actually Robert, who Nigel then sent home. I didn't correct Nigel in the recap because I made the classic mistake of thinking the Executive Producer knows what he's talking about on his own show. Also I was impatient to see who was going home, so I wasn't paying too much attention. Who knew something interesting was going to happen there? It's not like Ryan Seacrest ever says anything worth noticing when he's stalling at the end of an American Idol.
The judges tonight include Carmen Electra and Travis Wall. Everyone's delighted to see Travis, who appears to be wearing an aubergine velvet tuxedo. I'm going to assume that Ms. Electra is here because her ex-husband Dave Navarro told her how much fun he had being a judge on Rockstar: Supernova. But Cat makes Carmen tell us about how she's been dancing since she was five, majored in ballet and modern dance in high school and was "Miss Dance Ohio" at one point. People major in things in high school? Carmen's story ends with "And ... Pussycat Dolls." I'm not entirely comfortable with the number of shout-outs the Pussycats Dolls have gotten so far in this season. Cat takes a moment to verbally pinch Travis's cheeks and gush about how cute he is. And he's delighted to be here as a judge.
Cat reminds us that she has a big Fourth of July party at her house for all the dancers past and present (which sounds like just the best time ever, doesn't it? Wouldn't you love to go to a Cat Deeley party?) and then gives us the usual rundown about the evening's festivities. There will be two group routines that the judges won't comment on. However will the voters of America know what to think if they don't have Nigel Lythgoe and Mary Murphy there to guide them?
First up, we have a new choreographer named Justin Giles. He's got the seven guys, and this dance will represent the seven stages of grief. That sounds weirdly complicated, and it leads to a lot of shenanigans about what "acceptance" and "denial" look like. Because I failed to do proper fact-checking last week, I feel obliged to point out that the Kubler-Ross model has five stages of grief, not seven. The official list is Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The list we have tonight is Shock, Anger, Denial, Depression, Guilt, Bargaining, and Acceptance. So they're out of order and have bonus Shock and Guilt involved. A lot of these guys appear to have done a lot of sit-ups, by the way.
Even with the explanation, I'm not sure what's happening in the dance. But it's really, really cool. Each of the dancers has his own spotlight and set of weird motions, and occasionally they interact a little. I think Marko is probably the standout, because he's the shirtless one in the center, and I'm pretty sure he's "anger," so he gets to flex a lot. It was cool to watch, but I think I'd have liked it even better without being told about the plot.
Melanie and Marko kick things off. We'll be filling some time by going Up Close and Personal with everyone. Marko comes from a long line of doctors in Guam. He once played the role of "only guy not in a dress" in a drag show on a cruise ship. He's very insistent that he wasn't a drag queen in the show, although he did have to put on a dress and makeup to audition. Melanie is from Marietta, Georgia, where she flitted around being cute as a button. And her boyfriend came to last week's show to see her kiss Marko. When they enter the dance studio, there's a fascinating glimpse of the room on the other side of the door, which looks a lot like the back of a theatrical set. Are they not using regular dance studios anymore? I remember a few seasons ago they had windows, which I always thought was a sign of bad security. They've got jazz by Ray Leeper, who has a number about two kids from feuding families. They elope, of course. Melanie gasps with laughter at the idea of having children with anyone, "especially Marko." That's a little mean!
Dance! "Americano" by Lady Gaga. Again, there's no way I'd ever guess what the dance was supposed to be. Melanie is in a weird red-and-black ruffly outfit that gives the whole thing a tango feel. These two have great chemistry and they're not afraid to lunge into each other's arms. It's not quite Katee and Joshua, but it's quite good. Sadly, I thought the dance was kind of dull.
Travis says he's been taking classes from Ray Leeper since he was nine years old and praises Marko for managing to get people's attention while Melanie the Dynamo is out there. And Melanie, he says, is, "by far my favorite dancer in this competition." Carmen says that Melanie's legs are ridiculous. Wouldn't it be fun if that were literally true? Mary babbles about passion and heat. She does break out some dance lingo ("double pirouette with a ronde"), which is fun. And then she named Marko "The Domination Man," which I'm going to gracefully ignore. Nigel praises Ray and says he's now a fan of Marko. He correctly points out that Marko made a big deal out of not being a drag queen and then showed a picture of himself in full drag. Marko has no comment, Cat explains that he didn't inhale. She's so great at this.
Sasha and Alexander are ! If I didn't love you people so much, I'd probably just stop watching after this dance. You will remember that Sasha was all over the auditions and the Vegas episodes. She loves her sister. And now for some new information: she's from an enormous Trinidadian family in Bakersfield. Alexander joined the dance team to get out of PE and ended up falling in love with ballet. He's from Alhambra and his father was an actor in the Seventies. "He was in all types of shows," says Alexander. "Barney Miller. TJ Hooker. Hill Street Blues." That's not really "all types" of shows. Those are just cop shows. Alexander doesn't know any of them. I will tell you that Barney Miller is one of my favorite shows ever. My moderator identity of "TWoP Dietrich" is named after Steve Landesberg's character. Anyway, they're doing a Shaun Evaristo hip hop routine. It's about Alexander wanting a kiss and Sasha not letting him. She explains that he doesn't have swag. Shaun agrees. There's a segment called "Swag Camp" that I refuse to indulge.
Cat crosses herself and introduces the dance. Miguel's "To the Moon" is something that means nothing to me. If it helps you picture this, that's great. Sasha does a lot of cheerful strutting across the stage while Alexander tries to get her attention. The side of her head appears to be freshly shaved. I think Sasha is supposed to be on a clean, innocent date, such as might end in a trip to Pop's Malt Shop. It's reasonably enjoyable.
Carmen: "Dag, girl, you were poppin' so hard!" She didn't really watch Alexander because she was watching Sasha all the time. Mary says that she didn't see the swag and draws some booing. She didn't feel the connection, and I think I agree with that. People boo Nigel before he even starts. He calls it "Hip Hop 101" and insists on talking about "swag" again. He recommends that they read "Hip Hop for Dummies," which is pretty rich from him. Travis says that he didn't hate it as much as the other judges, which the audience chooses to interpret as wild praise. He recommends that Sasha and Alexander work on their shading and musicality. He says that he felt them "slushing through it." He ends with "It just wasn't ... I liked it. I liked it." He didn't like it.
Jordan and Tadd. Jordan's from Chino Hills, continuing the theme of "dancers from boring California towns." I am unable to describe the footage of her dancing in the third grade. Her parents took her to a lot of classes, which doesn't come as a surprise. She claims that her appearance on this show is her way of giving back to her parents. Tadd's from Salt Lake City and was one of the very few Filipino kids in school. All his relatives are in San Francisco. And the Philippines, I guess. They've got a smooth waltz by Toni Redpath. Jordan is a siren who seduces Tadd with her singing, and then kills him with a Kiss of Death. Toni thinks they might be working too much on the death part.
"Nocturne" by Secret Garden sounds an awful lot like ... who's that singer? You know the one I mean. Never mind. This is a perfectly acceptable waltz, although it contains about 40% too many arm-waves for my taste. There is no sign whatsoever of Jordan being a siren. Or of any kiss of death. I guess Tadd ends by being swallowed up by the fog, though. Cat says there's smoke all over the first three rows.
Mary says, "Let's talk about the waltz for a moment." She means the waltz in general, not this specific waltz. It was quite scandalous back in the 1800s to have knees almost touching, you know. It caused duels in the ballrooms! She says that this was "American-style waltz," where you're allowed to separate from your partner occasionally. She loved the beginning and praises Tadd and Jordan with a lot of fancy jargon ("explosion lines" and "floor sweep" in particular). "And so, I say, well done, you guys." A nice, restrained performance by Mary. Nigel liked that Toni gave them a dance that worked within what they can do. Nigel: "Did you ever think you'd be doing Twinkles?" Cat: "Who's Twinkles?" Hilarious! Not that Nigel notices, because he's too busy being enraptured by the idea of a hip hop guy doing dance moves with French names. Travis loved it, although he thought it could have been a little smoother. "I feel like you guys were putting periods to the ends of your sentences and I feel like you should have run on all of your sentences." This is the other kind of dance jargon I love, when dancers and choreographers just invent metaphors to describe something that doesn't really work with words. Carmen admits that she doesn't know much about the waltz but says everything was so beautiful. I think she's feeling out of place because everyone else is breaking out the fancy dance terms.
Oh! Loreena McKennitt. That's who I thought that song sounded like. Did you guess right?
Clarice and Jess. Prepare yourself for a shock: Clarice's parents support her. She's from Whittier and goes to CSU Long Beach. Dance class, parents' sacrifice, etc. It's a little generic, frankly. Jess is from Little Falls, New Jersey. His father used to be an actor, and Jess has been a drama nerd his whole life. They've got Justin Giles for a contemporary dance about the end of a relationship. It appears that it's going to involve a lot of freezes and speeding up and slowing down.
Celeste Lear's "Light Through the Branches." That damn leg extension. A neat leg thing that Jess does. Yep, it's very stop-and-starty. I like Justin's style, and I look forward to seeing more of it. It ends with Clarice facing the camera (and away from the audience) in close-up as Jess walks off the stage and down the aisle in the background. It's a nice shot, but it's a little weird to have it so clearly framed for the television audience, not the people in the theater. I loved it.
Travis says it's his favorite Jess-and-Clarice routine and takes a moment to praise Justin's musicality. He believed the sexual chemistry and can't want to work with them. He takes a moment to give Clarice tips on pushing down with her "supporting leg" so she can do whatever she wants with her "working leg." Nigel is delighted to have a chance to praise Justin for this and the men's group routine (that he's not supposed to comment on). He liked the staccato nature of the routine. I wish I'd thought of the word "staccato" in the last paragraph when I invented the phrase "stop-and-starty." But it's too late now, because I'm going to stick with it. Carmen says she believed the characters, which doesn't mean anything. Mary likes the partnership and says that Jess and Clarice are going in the right direction. Clarice seems touched by the specificity of Mary's praise, which is a good reason she should keep talking like a dance expert and not shrieking like a locomotive-obsessed banshee.
Ashley and Chris. Ashley is from Antioch and her father is a deacon. She likes to cook. Chris is from Dallas and has six siblings. He's severely dyslexic and had trouble with school as a result. But now he's in college, so there! And they have a Liz Lira salsa. It's going to be fast, full of tricks, and hopefully fairly sexy. Chris says he doesn't like moving his hips around, which seems like the sort of thing a dancer is going to have to do occasionally. He characterizes the lifts as throwing Ashley around like a bag of potatoes. Sexy, right?
Tito Puente! "Mambo Beat," which seems wrong. Shouldn't they be doing a mambo, then? The lifts look to me to be really tentative and cautious as they move from one to the . Chris has the requisite unbuttoned shirt, but his smile looks forced. Ashley is working hard, but Chris is doing nothing for me here. Nope. Didn't care for it.
Judges? Tell me I'm wrong! Travis says he loves them and he started out hopeful. He objects to the lack of chemistry and pop. How can the audience boo Travis? Chris asks how Travis can be so mean. Nice! Carmen insists that salsa is passionate and sharp and says she felt like they were hesitating. That's what I said! I'm on Carmen's side. A tiny minority of the audience puts together another round of booing. Mary reminds us that Ashley and Chris were on the Hot Tamale Train in week two. Does she actually track this stuff? Does she think we're paying that much attention? Weird. I thought it was just random stuff she shouted. She mentions "Latin swagger" a lot and basically praises them for at least finishing the routine and Chris not dropping Ashley in the lifts. Nigel says they didn't have the right feel.
Ricky and Ryan. Ryan is from Morgan Hill, California. She met Mia Michaels at a dance convention in Sacramento, just when she'd had to stop taking dance classes for lack of money. And Mia swooped in and saved her, as I assume she is always doing somewhere. Ryan got to be on House with Mia, and there's a great picture of the two of them with Hugh Laurie where Hugh is making a face much more like Blackadder-era Hugh Laurie. Ryan got to play a weird, quirky nurse or something. Ricky is from Miami and loves the beach. He reveals that he was a cheerleader in high school, and I think we all know what Sparky Polastri says about the relationship between dancers and cheerleaders. They've got a Chucky Klapow jazz routine. They play people who died because of their love of fashion. It will be stylistic and involve "the funk of laziness."
It's going to be hard for me to be rational about this, because it is set to David Bowie's "Fashion." They're kind of herky-jerky zombies, I think. The reason I say "zombies" is that they do some Thriller-dance hand motions. Also because Chuck said they were dead. By the way, I've always thought it was nice of the goon squad to go "beep beep!" Just because you're goons doesn't mean you shouldn't drive safely.
Carmen asserts that Ryan and Ricky rock, mostly because she loves the music choice. Mary praises the quirkiness and then shouts a bit about Ricky going "Full-Tilt Zombie." Nigel calls it a "Zombie Zoolander routine" and works in a reference to Chucky the killer doll. But then he pulls himself together and mentions the dance. He liked it. Travis (who was in a similar Wade Robson dance called "Ramalama," if I've somehow managed to spell that correctly) thinks Ryan is a lock for Top 10. [It was no "Ramalama." That dance stands the test of time. -- Angel] When Cat delivers the phone numbers, she leaves a spot for Ricky and Ryan to shout their number. Ricky shouts it the first two times but appears to have forgotten it when it comes time to say what number to text. It's pretty funny.
Caitlin and Mitchell close it out! Caitlin is from Moses Lake, Washington. She likes ATVs and outdoorsiness. They have a trampoline! And she is sad that her father works overseas and isn't home all that much. Mitchell grew up without a father. He and his mother were homeless in Atlanta for a year. Then his mom got a job. And he's a very focused individual. They've got Mandy Moore and a lot of lifts. Mitchell has a lot of muscles for a fairly skinny-looking guy, so I think he'll be fine. He vows to show America how romantic he can be.
Celine Dion's "To Love You More" is bland and inoffensive, I guess. For the first part of the dance, I start to wonder if Caitlin is ever going to have two feet on the floor, but she does get to do a little dancing away from Mitchell. That's mostly so she can get a running start for her leaps into his arms, though. It's very nice, especially if you like seeing Caitlin whirling through the air. Cat claims that the romance of the piece was almost like her and Joshua at the Fourth of July barbecue. Don't you wish you could have seen that? Anyway, the judges are standing and Mitchell is crying at the end.
Mary shrieks herself into tears and makes sure to tell us that Mitchell is injured. He is? I sure couldn't tell. She tells Caitlin and Mitchell that this is their time. Nigel loved the emotion and the leaps. He compares this routine's lifts (which worked seamlessly with the movement) with the lifts in the earlier dances, which were "lift ... and then move." He agrees with Mary that it's his favorite dance of the night. Travis says it was unbelievable and tries out his "Sassy Black Girl" voice to tell naysayers, "Girl, you crazy!" That was odd. Carmen doesn't make a lot of sense but insists that it was the best performance of the night. I would not go that far, but maybe I'm just tired. I know the final slot is supposed to be the Glamour Spot, but by the eighth dance of the night, I'm sometimes kind of danced out. And we still have the Ladies' Group Dance to get through!
Ray Leeper is in charge of the women, and we're told that he's making them sexy. They start out walking down a funeral aisle and then break apart and look for individual men. And then, I assume, they're going to sex them to death.
The song starts out so much like "Fever" that I paused the Tivo and tried to guess which version it was. But it turns out to be "My Discarded Men" by Eartha Kitt with Bronski Beat. I like it! The dance, however, is really, really Chicago-like. I wish I could get a better look at the facial expressions the dancers are putting on, because they look pretty entertaining.
The end! Here's what I thought, best to worst:
The men explain the stages of grief in a spotlightClarice and Jess end their relationship
Ryan and Ricky are fashion zombies
Caitlin and Mitchell Mandy-Moore it up
Melanie and Marko in red and black jazz
The ladies strut around in corsets
Jordan and Tadd waltz through the fog
Sasha and Alexander on a hip hop date
Ashley and Chris salsa like a sack of potatoes
Before we go, Nigel needs to tell us that Kathryn McCormick is going to be in Step Up 4. I had to Google her to determine the correct spelling of her name (I got the "Kathryn" right, but guessed wrong on "McCormick" and am delighted to report that the full name of this movie is Step Up 4Ever. That's not bad, but I'm hoping they change it to Step Up 4-Eva.
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