To "The Dance" by Charlotte Martin the top sixteen dance a black-and-white Alice in Wonderland nightmare with creepy clowns and jesters and umbrellas and a very emotional Comfort, on a stage bathed in white. Then men use poles to jump and vault, and stand like statues on a garden path as Cat strolls out. It's a Mia Michaels piece that I don't hate! I mean, I liked it enough that I had no idea it was a Mia Michaels joint!
Time to find the bottom three... Chelsea and Thayne did some quickstep, and didn't seem to be too comfortable with the difficult routine, according to Adam, while Mary revoked Chelsea's boarding pass on the hot tamale train (Thayne was just hanging on). They're the first couple in the bottom three.
Mary says they had a tough dance, but enough about that! She's got to clarify what the judges will take into consideration when they dance for their lives: everything, not just the solos. Translation: we already know who's leaving tonight. Watch it, bitches.
Katee and Joshua danced a sexy samba that the judges all loved, as did the voters: they're safe. Chelsie and Mark danced the workaholic vs. wife routine that the judges all loved (backstage, Mark hilariously blows off Chelsie, saying he has to go work). So did America, or at least that portion of America that considers voting on dancing reality shows to be an important duty of all citizens. They're safe.
Back from commercial, three more couples are up on stage. Kherington and Twitch danced a cheerful hip-hop prison break routine that the judges all loved. I don't see them in the bottom three this week, and they're not. Courtney and Gev danced a rumba, with Courtney showing off half a dress (backstage antics have Gev plotzing just from watching Courtney walk upstairs). The judges loved it, and so did the voters.
Comfort and Chris are left, and it's not hard to predict that they're going to be in the bottom three, for a few reasons: a) they danced a bewildering routine; b) the judges didn't like it; and c) if they're safe, it would anticlimactically reveal that the two couples left are, by process of elimination, in the bottom three.
Adam says he's not surprised because six dancers are in the bottom three couples, and it comes down somewhat to the luck of the draw. The lesson here, he says, is to invest more than just technique. "Dancing is so much more than just steps," he says, while being careful to specify that they are indeed fantastic dancers.
The final two couples are on stage: Kourtni and Matt did a comic book character routine that the judges liked a lot, while Jessica and Will did a disco routine that was overall well received, albeit with reservations. I think I forgot to mention Will's backflips, so I should rectify that (speaking of rectifications, I think I confused Gavin Degraw with Tim McGraw a couple of recaps ago. At any rate, I hope it's the last time I have to mention either of these two in a sentence again).
Kourtni and Matt are in the bottom, and Will carries Jessica off the stage. Nigel tells Kourtni that she's been sensational throughout: "Now, I'm not so sure," he says, adding that she's got to bring out more personality. Matt, he says, needs to immerse himself in the parts, much like Nigel's going to immerse himself in ridiculous German and French accents, as well as a stellar Michael Caine. The dancers' faces read: who the eff is Michael Caine?
Qwest is apparently America's best dance crew. This may have been determined solely on the fact that three former SYTYCD contestants -- Ryan, Dominic and Hok, are part of the crew. It could also have been determined by the fact that they rule. Popping and locking and spinning in some kind of mad scientist routine to Blackalicious and Cut Chemist. There is head spinning! THERE SHOULD ALWAYS BE HEAD SPINNING. I feel very strongly about this. It's feverish and frenetic, and Qwest should always be tapped to perform rather than boring pop stars.
What's that? Jordin Sparks is coming up? See, this is just what I'm talking about. Sigh. But it gets worse, as first we're forced to endure more Snuggle-sponsored street dancing. Somebody named Rheo wins something. Probably all the Snuggle he can drink.
Chelsea is up first dancing for her life. She spin, twirls and kicks. She's fine, I guess. I like Chelsea. Thayne dances to Bon Jovi. Booo! He will love you always, while Thayne does a jeté. Comfort is , hip-hopping, and using the stage a little bit better than she did last time. Chris is up , whirling his way through a lyrical routine in which most of the lyrics consist of, "Is this enough personality for you, Nigel?" Kourtni dances to "Fire Door," one of my favorite Ani Difranco songs, so I don't even mind the literal choreography in her lyrical routine when the song mentions "the edge" and she teeters on the edge of the stage. Matt dances to Jason Mraz, another contemporary routine. It doesn't make me want to kill myself, I suppose.
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Jordin Sparks brings her pretty, likable enthusiastic self out on stage to sing some forgettable song that inspires the audience to new heights of synchronized clapping.
The girls are up on stage first, but Nigel addresses everybody, saying all the dancers have been in the bottom three two or three weeks running. "America's trying to tell you something," he says. Then he asks Chelsea to step forward and cold-bloodedly puts the cattlegun to her forehead and pulls the trigger. She's gone. No advice, no critique of any of the dancers. After the montage, she says she still has so much to learn, and that she was privileged to share the stage with the other dancers. "I'm happy to have been here."
Nigel tells Matt to step forward (and after the ruthless way Chelsea was dispatched, there's a brief scare that Matt's ) and then tells him to go sit down, because his solo was brilliant. It's time for Chris to take his bland self home. I like the guy; I'm just saying, this time tomorrow, I will have forgotten he was ever on this show. He calls it a dream come true, to work with everyone. "I love you all, thanks for everything."
So that's it -- wait, who's that guy up there with Cat and Chelsea? Oh, yeah. Chris.
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