Adam Shankman's sitting in with Mary and Nigel tonight, and Cat flirts with him, a little bit. He says he almost wore the same thing she did, and she calls him "cheeky." You know, it wouldn't break my heart if my wife adopted a British accent and called me "cheeky" once in a while.
After Mary blathers on the usual nonsense about how this is the best year ever, Nigel encourages everyone to check out the work of the late Cyd Charisse, who was in Singing In The Rain, Silk Stockings and Brigadoon. She danced with Nigel once upon a time, which must have been right around the time dancing was invented.
I'm not sure what's more annoying: when this show asks contrived questions of dancers about their partners, or when this show can't be bothered to come up with an actual question, and just fills time with aimless babblings. At any rate, we're just vaguely asking dancers to share "secrets" about their partners this week, so let's prepare for some hilarity!
Kherington says when Twitch really laughs, he sounds like a bear. She says this even though she doesn't know what a bear sounds like. Twitch accuses her of having a shopping problem. He says this while wearing a hat that looks like the set of Will Smith's "Parents Just Don't Understand."
This week they're doing hip-hop (finally, Twitch!) with Tabitha and Napoleon. It's a prison break, says Napoleon, and at the end of it, they'll be America's Most Wanted. That's about all the Fox shows he can cram into one suck-uppy sentence, although he might have added, "make no bones about it, they'll bring down the house!"
They dance to "Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On Em) by Busta Rhymes, who is always welcome, as far as I'm concerned. They're dressed in orange jumpsuits with SYTYCD stenciled on the back. By the end they seem off the beat and surprisingly low-energy, and they hop off stage and lower themselves via mimed elevator. And again, the Taboleon hip-hop doesn't really do it for me. Kherington displayed all of two expressions: This Is The most Golly Gee-Whiz Bestest Prison Break Ever!, or White Girl Scrunchie Face. And there are some neat ideas, like Kherington hitching her feet over Twitch's shoulders, and he pretends to look through her heels like binoculars. But overall I'm just left waiting for it to end.
Positives first, says Nigel: "You're both brilliant dancers. You've both got a spirit and energy goes beyond dancing," he says, and Taboleon created a fabulous routine for them. He praises the story, and they danced it brilliant. "Let me list the negatives," he says, thinks, and then says he can't think of anything. "I had a feeling you were going to say that, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha," says Mary. She says Kherington really stepped up, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Then she says something about an old Murphy family proverb that's been passed down from generation to generation, which is, "[Emits high-piercing screech]." Adam says it was awesome, but offers suggestions for the future. He says Twitch should teach Kherington how to do proper stops (and demonstrates). He notes that the two of them know when to hit it and when to lay back. All in all, fantastic.
Gev, Courtney tells us, looked like a little girl when he was younger. And Courtney's going to school to be a special-ed teacher. Real skeleton in the closet that Gev's unearthed there.
They're going to learn how to rumba with Tony and Melanie, and neither dancer seems to have any idea what to do. "Let's get ready to rumba!" says Courtney, and is then sued by Michael Buffer. The choreography seems to consist solely of Gev grabbing Courtney's ass, which doesn't appear to be a problem for him.
They dance to Rose Royce's "Wishing on a Star," and start off in a lift, with Courtney sliding down Gev's back to the floor, which comes across a lot more labored than likely intended. It gets better towards the end, with twirls (including Gev holding Courtney in a star position and spinning her around), and they seem to relax by the time it's over.
Nigel says he's very happy with the routine, saying they did a good job, that they make a good couple. He says Gev reminds him of Dominic, who's in the audience (he was available!). He calls Courtney's outfit fabulous, and then annoyingly makes a joke about the wardrobe only being able to afford half the dress (annoying because I was going to make that joke, and making tired jokes is MY job). Mary thought it was really good, and praises a tight spiral and a (pas something? pas seour?) into a lift. She notes though that the routine could have been smoother in parts. Adam talks about how exciting it is for the judges when the dancers are onstage and doing well. He says Gev is a strong dude. Suggestions for the future: think more about what your hands are doing, and then takes a million hours to offer a suggestion about an arabesque, but then accidentally hits his microphone and then starts hamming it up and Mary and Nigel pretend to fall asleep, which is rather mean to a guy who understands that judging is more than screeching and laughing incessantly at one's own "jokes."
Comfort says Chris is a big moocher when it comes to food. "But don't touch his food. Don't even ask for his food. Don't even look at his food. It's not happening," she says. As for Comfort, Chris says she was in a beauty pageant when she was a kid. Must be a big secret, since we seem to have procured some photos of the highly classified event.
Tyce DiOrio is teaching them a jazz routine that's very "raw and earthy." Who gets the requisite "jazz hands" joke? Comfort! But it's more African jazz, which Comfort figures will be good for her to get back to her roots. Comfort promises it will be "off the chain" and Chris says Mary is going to scream.
Hey, when you think "African jazz," what music comes to mind? If you said, "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson, then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. It's a lot of running and jumping and sliding on sheets on the stage. I have no idea what to make of any of it.
Neither does Nigel; he says he was disappointed by the power the dancers were putting behind the routine, pointing to the very heavy beat in the music. Chris in particular was kind of soft. He says it should have been stronger and animalistic. Mary feels the same way, right down to saying "animalistic" a couple of times. She said they started strong but fell off. Adam says it's a very strong performance piece, and sometimes they were there and sometimes not. He says they have to let the music go through them. "I didn't see it in you face. I saw it in your bodies, but I didn't see it in your face." It's not off the chain, but on the chain. "At least there's a chain!" he says. Heh.
Will says Jessica goes by the nickname "Ariel" because she used to have red hair that went all the way to her butt. Jessica says Will is an absolute gentleman: ladies first, he opens doors, she says. Wow, we're really getting some juicy dirt tonight.
This week they're doing disco by Doriana Sanchez. She hopes Jessica really gets a chance to shine. But apparently Jessica's goofing off a little too much for Doriana's liking: "I want her to absorb things, and she just wasn't," says Doriana. Translation: she's going to be a heifer out there, but don't blame me.
They dance to "Heaven Must Have Sent You" by Bonnie Pointer. And to me it looks like they kill it: they're dressed in white, having a blast and spinning like Tasmanian devils. Although she does what I'll later learn is called a death fall that doesn't look great, Will holds Jessica by an arm and a leg and swings her around, and then puts her on his back to spin her around like he's a professional wrestler. Finishing up, he lowers her so she's bent over backward, but loses his balance and needs to plant an arm to steady himself. Unfazed, she plants one as well, doing the best she can to cover for him.
Nigel says he thought they danced it very well, but there were two or three problems. He mentions the death fall and the finish, but says they carried it off. Mary says there were many great things about this number, adding Will did a great job getting into the character and owning it, calling it a turning point for him. She says Jessica stepped up to the plate. Then she screams that they are LEAN MEAN DISCO MACHINES. Adam thought the routine was very fantastic, with some challenging material from Doriana. He calls Jessica "so beautiful it's scary." He has a hunch that she's her own worst enemy as far as confidence goes. "Don't get in your way," he advises her, and says Will is fantastic too.
Matt says Kourtni has a tattoo on the back of her neck that says "...and so she would dance." And Matt has a "ninja mask" that he likes to put on. He says it's just an accessory. I wonder about ninjas who opt for purple and white stripes, myself.
This week they're doing contemporary by first time choreographer Sonja, who has a huge Mohawk. Nice of her to come all the way from Thunderdome. It's a comic book fight/flirt routine with a lot of poses and holds simulating comic book panels.
They dance to a "Wrestlers" remix by Hot Chip. And... yeah, it's a mock fight, with a lot of locked elbows and legs and lifts, and it wears out its welcome for me very quickly, getting very repetitious. Oh, she's grabbing his tie and pulling him. AGAIN.
Nigel says it's the first of them find a style that both of them can work in. He says it's quirky, a different flavor of contemporary. Does he think the public will love it as much as a Mia Michaels romantic routine? No, he says. Well, I liked it at LEAST as much as that, but that's not saying much. Mary says that there's something weird going on in Sonya's head, but she dug it. You know, it wasn't that weird at all. I think Mary looks at Sonya's Mohawk and alarm bells go off. Adam disses Matt's ninja mask, and praises their extraordinary bodies (while criticizing Kournti's "clown shopping bag" outfit). He says Matt needs to get down to the floor a little more, but overall it was fantastic.
Chelsea says Thayne wants to be a fashion designer, since he's always making shirts and picking out things for her to wear. Thayne says Chelsea is "quite the little flower thief." She's always stealing place settings and garden blooms. Finally! An actual crime!
They're doing the quick step by Heather Smith, which is a new style for both of them, and Heather busts out a hula hoop to help them get used to the frame.
They dance to "You Can't Hurry Love," the Phil Collins version, for some goddamn reason. They flit about the stage. This is not a style that lends itself to big showy moves, I imagine. It's more on-base percentage than home runs, if you will. A couple of the kicks seemed off to me, but overall it seemed OK. There's some Charleston action thrown in.
Nigel says it was a little too bouncy for his taste, and that they didn't really show their personality. He says that it was a better attempt than he figured it was going to be (nice backhanded compliment), but he thinks they'd best start preparing to dance for their lives. Mary acknowledges more than Nigel the degree of difficulty involved in learning the quickstep so quickly, and praises the effort. She does say Chelsea let down her partner somewhat. Adam says they're both great dancers, but they didn't look comfortable. It's OK for them not to be comfortable, but not for that to be apparent to the audience.
Chelsie says Mark's pinkies are crooked: "He's weird." Mark says Chelsie is a tomboy when she's not on stage being sexy. Hang on while I get the toothpicks to keep my eyes open.
They're doing a hip-hop routine with Napolitha. "It's hip-hop with emotion," we're told, whatever that's supposed to mean. Mark is a workaholic who is leaving his girlfriend Chelsie. Or something. Napoleon shows Mark a move and then gay-panics about doing that with another guy.
"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. Oh, that's this song. I actually know this one. He's in a suit, she's in a French-maid-on-casual-Fridays outfit. If the bland non-hip-hop song didn't clue you in, "hip-hop with emotion" apparently means "boring hip-hop." They dance it well, though, with Chelsie in particular deep in character, and they do a couple of cool things with Mark moving her with his arms (without touching her).
Nigel says he's loving Tabitha and Napoleon, and is happy they've come over to the real number one dance show. Mary screams that she loved it, and says she believed the emotional struggle, since they lived it on stage. "I loved it, I loved the passion," she says. Adam stands up and starts yelling too, getting all red-faced, about how awesome it was. He says they nailed it, and hip-hop has become a really beautiful genre of its own. Yes, thanks to So You Think You Can Dance, hip-hop is finally a legitimate genre, now that its edges have been sanded off. He also calls them the couple to beat. They danced it well, even I can tell; I just didn't like it.
Katee says Joshua is a real softie. Josh says Katie screams like a boy. Joshua's hittin' that already!
They're doing Tony and Melanie's samba this week. Joshua has never done it before, and Katee says she's really innocent and now she has to play the role of seductress. Joshua says Katee doesn't think of herself as beautiful or sexy. But you know what? She is!
They're dancing to "Baila, Baila" by Angela Vila. She's got the other half of Courtney's dress, and it's purple! They do a great job of the samba, Joshua especially. He's got the seduction thing happening, while Katee's grinning a little too much for it to be believable. She certainly seems to enjoy riding his vibrating leg, though.
Cat points out Joshua's dad in the audience, going, "That's my boy!" Joshua's dad looks EXACTLY like Joshua (same cornrows), only heavier and more mustachioed. Nigel makes the same joke I did about the other half of Courtney's dress, and it's even more tired -- from both of us -- the second time around. He says Joshua has a very natural samba rhythm, and then asks who poured Joshua into those pants. Can one criticize Nigel's non-masculine judging the way he criticizes male dancers' non-masculine dancing? He then asks Papa Joshua if Joshua got his buns from daddy, and daddy obliges by showing off the goods. Mary does some annoying checklist thing that ends with her screeching, and the words "hot tamale train" are used. I fucking hate it when shows do this, take something somewhat cute and run it into the ground long after you're sick of it. It's like a Saturday Night Live character carried on two years past anyone's interest in it, where the performer has to come up with increasingly contrived premises just to get to the catchphrase. Nigel won't make any predictions, because everyone was great. He says "Joshua's dad" is who'll be going home tomorrow. Now that's a funny joke. It's so good, that Mary repeats it. Less funny. And now Adam feels obligated to join in too. And we're all left with a vague sense of unease.