Episode Report Card Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kara Chameleon
By Omar G | Season 7 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.03.2007
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Lois decides to go back to the dam to poke around and investigate some more. Clark follows her, because he apparently has nothing better to do. They find a kicky red ship in the woods, and the person it belongs to -- the girl from last week, who can fly and kick some ass. She's Kara, and it turns out she's Clark's cousin (so much for romance, dude), the daughter of Zor-El, Jarnelle's heretofore unmentioned brother. Kara used to babysit Clark; she's been in suspended animation all this time. She's extremely bummed to hear that Krypton was destroyed because she has no idea where she's going to get more of these tiny blue Kryptonian tank tops. A patsy takes the blame for Lana's supposed murder, allowing Lex to get out of jail free (and without a card, even). He tracks down Lana and immediately hops on a plane to confront the foul, conniving, wig-wearing wench. Lex shows up, creepily and...asks for forgiveness. Dude, whaaaat? He tells Lana she can come back and live safely and do whatever she wants. Because he's so evil. Lex figured out that Lana found out that he had created a clone body of her. She used the clone, which was never alive (it was a Lana Real Doll, essentially) to fake her death in the exploding SUV. Lex admires her moxie. Lana has a gun and aims to kill Lex, but she loses her nerve when Lex clearly wants to die by her hand. Lex goes home and sketches a drawing of Kara, and is now in pursuit of his guardian angel. Look how well his pursuit of Clark turned out. Lois decides to investigate the ship, and a hot shot new editor at The Daily Planet overhears her and offers her a job if she can get the spaceship story. Lois doesn't want to get in the way of Chloe's career, but she takes the assignment anyway. In the end, she finds the ship, but doesn't get any evidence. The editor hires her anyway, and sits her next to Chloe for some family competition. Kara and Clark track down the ship, which the government has taken. It blows up, but Kara absorbs the blast. Unfortunately, she loses an important huge crysta, and some creepy government guy snags it for the "Department of Domestic Security." Clark offers to let Kara stay at the farm given that she has no other relatives, and very little in the way of midriff-covering clothing. Clark goes to the Fortress to ask Jarnelle about all this family history, and Jarnelle tells him not to trust Kara; apparently, she's bad news. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We open on the destroyed dam from last week. No work crews? FEMA up in the house? I guess things have really gone to pot in Kansas when there's no state senator to allocate funds for rebuilding Reeves Dam. Damn you, MamaKent! Come baaaaack!
Clark and Lois are walking in the woods near the dam. There's a very neat path through which they walk. Clark says Lois should be resting. She's not about rest. When have you ever seen her rest? She can't even rest her mouth. For a second. Lois says she has to find out what Lex was up to out here. She says Clark should be back at The Talon hanging out with Chloe, especially after what happened with Lana. Clark ignores that. He says it's dangerous out here and he's gotta keep Lois out of trouble. Maybe he's just bored. It's not like there's crime or war out there for him to handle. Clark says this gives him a good opportunity to say goodbye. Oh my God, I've waited for this day. He's kicking her out of town! Lois says they're not a couple, so he can't break up with her. Clark says he's leaving Smallville. Not Smallville. Just Smallville. After Lana's funeral. Whoah, whoah, whoah. Did Clark join the cast of Dirty Sexy Money? Mmmm dirty...and sexy...and money. Lois says she didn't see that coming. Same here!
Lois asks where Clark is running away to. Up north. He says there's something he needs to do. You need to go further north than Vancouver? That's north, man. Lois asks about the farm. She says he can't just let the corn die on the vine. The evil corn entrepreneur Orville Redenbacher has had his eye on the farm for years. He wants to drown it in a sea of movie theater butter. So...salty! Clark says Ben Hubbard is going to run things for a while. Let's hope he's not related to L. Ron or there could be a giant Scientology Center where the barn now stands. Clark thought she'd be happy to see him go. "Who am I gonna pick on?" Lois asks. Clark is sure she'll find someone, considering that even the FDA classifies her as an irritant. Clark asks her to show him which way she went to the dam. He follows. "What is that?" she asks. "Holy crap, this is amazing!" Clark tries to follow, but something nausea-inducing holds him back. Lois pulls back a hilariously set-decorated set of branches to reveals a giant rust-colored flank of metal with brightly glowing Kryptonian symbols on it. They're placed in a circle.
We see a glowing green rock by Clark's foot. He takes a few steps back. Lois asks what Clark thinks it is. Clark says it must be some sort of experimental airplane. Lois says it has no windows. She knows this from only seeing one small side of the object. Lois pulls out her cell phone to take a picture of the logos. She takes a photo on her phone and says she thinks it's a spaceship. Clark is like, "Aw, that's cool, let's go. Ugly Betty is on! I wanna see what happens with Justin's internship!" Clark says spaceships don't exist. Liar! Liar! Liar! Lois says that there's algae on the ship, so it must have been underwater for a while. A shape whooshes past Lois and sends her flying. Lois lands right next to Clark. Clark looks up and sees the flying girl from last week. She's wearing a very tiny light blue tank top with an itty-bitty shoulder jacket over it. Her flat belly is completely exposed. Gwen Stefani? The camera comes in from a low angle to zoom in on her serious face. She's huge! She holds up Lois's pink cell phone and crushes it in her hand. But Lois was locked into a two-year service plan! You bastard! "That's what happens...when you touch my STUFF!" the girl says. Ha! I like her already. Clark stands. She and Clark rush at each other. A circular shock wave radiates from their crashing bodies. Love! Clark flies backward and lands hard on the ground. Gwen Stefani follows. Floating in the air, she tells him, "Go get your girlfriend and don't ever come back." She flies into the sky, one fist up. She goes way out beyond the Earth's atmosphere. She looks down at the puny planet. In her hand, she holds a tiny Kryptonian crest. It glows. She sees a tiny baby inside. It's a test-crest baby! She flies back down to Earth. Save the test-crest baby, save the seventh season!