Mama Mia!

S06E18

By Omar G

Chloe discovers that she's been making some late-night excursions without remembering what she did. This time, instead of being kidnapped, it turns out that she's being mind-controlled by her mother, Lynda Carter. Lynda (suddenly a brunette) has been taken out of her catatonic state by Lex, who has learned that she can control Kryptofreaks. Including Chloe. One of Chloe's late-night trips included running Lex off the road and stealing a flash drive containing information that would lead Chloe to her mother. Mother and daughter finally reunite and it's all very emotional, but there's also a guilty confession: MamaSullivan had herself committed when her ability to mind-control Chloe led to her daughter getting hurt and a load of parental guilt. That, we learn, is the reason why Chloe's mother went away. Lex's plan to use Mom to control meteor freaks goes awry when Mom tells one of them to kill Lex. Instead, Lana gets attacked and ends up in the hospital. Clark, helping her, learns of her recent miscarriage. Then Lana learns something even more shocking: according to the doctor, Lana was taking hormones that simulated pregnancy instead of pre-natal vitamins. The ultrasound was a fakey-fake-fake and she was never pregnant. They were screwing with our minds! Strangely, Lex knows that Lana got hurt and went to the hospital, but he made no effort to block her medical care. So, really, Lex had it coming. Chloe and her mother escape Lex's 33.1 Learning Annex clutches, but happiness is short-lived. Lex was giving Lynda Carter the medication that made her lucid. Without it, she's going catatonic again. Twenty-four hours is compressed into one scene, and Chloe says a tearful goodbye. Clark assures Chloe that he gave Mom the full Chloe bio (I hope he left out the part about her losing it to Jimmy Olsen) and that she was very proud. Chloe decides to write a nasty tell-all story about Lex. Lex threatens to expose Chloe's mind-controlled attack on him and get her sent to jail if she tries to get it published. When that doesn't rattle her, he hints that he'll kill her instead. Clark hears about this and decides that Lex has gone too far and that the war between them is about to begin. Great, because it's only been six seasons.

Welcome back from the break, my Smallville Kryptopeeps. Barring incident, we should be making a straight beeline to the end of the season with this run of episodes. Will it be a freight locomotive to hell or a speeding bullet to a genuinely good finale? Place your bets at the window. Side bet: whether I'll completely lose it sometime before then when the show makes a stupid move.

We get a rare set of previouslies. They cover very recent episodes, except the bits about Chloe's mother, whom we last glimpsed (as a blonde) when Chloe went to visit her in the asylum. More on that later.

A title card on black: "March 29, 1995." So...this episode was supposed to air on a Thursday in March? Cars are driving through what appears to be a very lovely upscale middle-class neighborhood. Inside one of those houses, where dark secrets always dwell, a woman is rubbing a chain she holds in her hands. The woman is Lynda Carter, whom every guy my age probably had a crush on when he was growing up. She was Wonder Woman. She had a lasso and an invisible freakin' jet. What are you gonna do? Lynda's not looking too bad, except that she's puffy in the face from crying and her cheeks are extra rosy. She wears a stylin' purple suit jacket. That's how we rolled in the mid-90s. "Mom! Mom!" a girl calls as she enters through the front door, alone. She's holding an elementary school newspaper. The girl, a redhead who looks nothing like the girl we know as Chloe Sullivan, tells Lynda Carter that her story about the Loch Ness Monster was published and that the teacher said it was her best story yet. I must have gone to a crap elementary school; we never had a school newspaper. I wonder what they're teaching these eight-year-olds about libel law. The girl struggles to say that this story was better than the one she did about alien abductions. Stretching. So hard. To try to make this connect.

Lynda Carter is crying, but not in a blubbery way. Her eyes shine with tears as she stares at her daughter. This is what they call making the scene work. Tim Gunn would be proud. The young girl, who is Chloe in name only, guesses that those aren't happy tears. She asks what's wrong. Lynda Carter says she's proud of the girl. She puts a hand on her face. "My little cub reporter," she tells her. Wow, Lynda Carter's got large hands. And I love her for that. As she hugs her daughter, Lynda says she's so, so sorry. She's still holding the necklace chain in her hand. Two men in white mental-ward gear enter the room. One of them is holding a clipboard, and that just can't be good. When they show up with a clipboard, you run. Li'l Chloe asks why she's sorry since she obviously didn't do anything. "It's time, Mrs. Sullivan," one of the men in white tells her. Where's Gabe Sullivan in all this? I know bringing back guest actors is expensive, but geez. Throw the guy a frickin' bone, huh? Li'l Chloe asks about the men in the room and where her mother is going. To a community theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire? Lynda Carter says she's going on a little vacation. "By yourself?" Li'l Chloe asks. Lynda says that Li'l Chloe's daddy will take good care of her. Would that he ever showed up. Where the fuck are you, Gabe? Are you hiding in the kitchen? Holed up in the bathroom? How many hours does it take to brush your hair? Nobody believes you, you know. Who brushes their hair for two hours with the door locked, and has to take a stack of magazines with them to do it? You are tearing this family apart, Gabriel Sullivan! Li'l Chloe, woefully miscast, says that nobody goes on a vacation by themselves. Very, very lonely men do, honey, and they do terrible things in very poor countries. Li'l Chloe asks when she's coming back. Lynda Carter cries some more and they hug. The girl hasn't honed her journalistic skills yet. She doesn't press for an answer. Weird close-up on the chain as it dangles. Scary music is played. To little effect.

Title card: "12 Years Later." That girl actress is now someone else. She sure didn't turn into Chloe Sullivan. Lex is in a fancy silver sports car, driving. He's not thrilled with the radio stations that he's scanning through. I refuse to believe Lex Luthor, who drives $100,000 cars, doesn't have an iPod or satellite radio in his car. He's listening to testicular radio? Whatever. Get a real budget, Smallville. Lex switches past a hip-hop station and some alt-crap. On 105.7, there's some classical music that the Magnificent Bastard himself would favor. Nice little moment here. Lex decides to keep listening. Lex's cell phone rings. He answers. Lex drives toward a dangerous-looking intersection. A truck is coming toward Lex's car. Lex is annoyed by its headlights. Lex is talking to a doctor and tells him to keep pressing the woman they're experimenting on. He says she wouldn't be the first freak who refused to show her colors. Because of the vagueness of the title card and a scene referenced in the "Previouslies," I thought this was the same night that Chloe was kidnapped by Lex's people. You can bet that kept me confused for the first few minutes of this episode. The truck barrels toward Lex with its bright lights shining. "I want answers!" Lex says before hanging up the phone. Oh, while Lex is getting that satellite radio installed, could he also get a Bluetooth hands-free car kit? I mean, he's only a billionaire, right? Why's he still messing with his phone while driving? Lex finally notices the truck, grimaces, and swerves left. He sails off the road. His car, already muddy on the side, skims across the dirt. Fast and the Furious: Vancouver Drift! The car comes to a stop. Lex's heart is racing. He takes some deep breaths once he's safe. For some reason, Lex's car won't start. Someone approaches the driver's-side door. A flashlight shines at Lex. The person breaks the window. The thing shatters easily. Lex asks what the person wants. He gets smacked in the face for that. Such insolence! The person pats Lex's chest down and finds a small box. The camera moves up to reveal that it's Chloe. All grow'd up. "Thanks, Lex," she says.

Opening credits. Commercials. Spider-Man 3. Now there's a conflicted superhero!

Chloe is in bed, sleeping beneath orange sheets as soft music plays. Oh yeah. That's how I like to start a scene. She's in the apartment above The Talon and I'm pleased to see that, given her shit commute to Metropolis, she's not still sleeping on the couch. Chloe slowly gets out of bed. Well, they aren't the most flattering pajamas in the world, I'm sorry to say. But we don't get to dwell on that, because Chloe finds a pair of muddy work boots on the floor. She's sleep-day-laboring! NOOOO! Clark knocks and opens the front door in the same movement. First, Chloe: lock your door. Second: tell Clark to stop trying to walk in on you naked. If he wants to see that, he should just use his x-ray vision. Clark says that they were supposed to meet for coffee that morning. She says she overslept. We see a trail of mud coming in from outside the door. Clark asks if she went jogging in the mud. Chloe only remembers doing her dishes in the apartment, then waking up in bed. Do you see now why I thought this might be a flashback to her abduction? Same M.O., different day.

Clark says that she may be sleepwalking. Chloe says that it's happened before; two days ago, she was typing at The Daily Planet and the same thing happened. Chloe, worried, asks if this might be a symptom of some emerging Kryptofreakishness. Clark reminds her that reporters deal in facts, not jumping to conclusions. Dude, every episode of this show features Chloe jumping to a correct conclusion. You guys would still be trying to figure out what was going in the pilot if she didn't do that. Chloe says that's true, but admits that since she found out she's part of the "Meteor-infected masses," she's been secretly freaking out. You know what freaks me out? My grocery store stopped carrying S'mores-flavored Pop-Tarts. What is up with that? Clark offers her a half-smile and says that he doesn't blame her. He blames himself. For every goddamned thing. It never gets old. He puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and says that she doesn't have to go through this alone. While the Jimmy's away, the Clark will play! With himself. Sadly. Clark offers to give her a ride to work. All the way in Metropolis? Clark sighs deeply. Great. More shit to deal with. Stuff like this seems to happen every week, usually on a Thursday. It must get tiring.

Lana in bed. She's in her purple sheets, which look incredibly comfy, but our sad, formerly pink girl isn't sleeping. Lex enters the room. Lana sits up, wearing sexier sleeping clothes than Chloe. She asks what happened to him. He's got a tiny scrape to his left eye. He says that he was in a small fender-bender the night before. What was his name? Lana, who won't even kiss her husband, asks in an annoyed tone why he didn't wake her. This relationship is so awesome. I don't know how they do it. Lex says that he wanted to let her sleep because of everything she's been dealing with lately. That's the cure-all -- staying in bed all day. Lex says that she's not sleeping much anyway, which is a polite way of saying that she looks like Hell. Lana says that she hasn't told anyone what happened yet; saying she lost the baby out loud makes it more real. Lex touches her hair. He lies and says he's hurting as much as she is. Lana says that in the last sonogram, the baby was perfectly healthy. Lex tells her to give it time; he promises they'll have a house full of beautiful children. "What if there's something wrong with me?" she asks. He tells her not to do that to herself. Lana says she wants every test possible to figure out what went wrong. Lex says "Absolutely," and he adds that he'll make an appointment immediately. Why can't Lana make her own doctor's appointment? He tells her to get some rest. You know, you could get into bed with her, Lex. But you won't. That's all right. We've stopped expecting that.

On the road again. Clark and Chloe are in his red Toyota Tundra, driving to Metropolis. You'd save a lot of gas if you just carried her to work, Clark. He asks what Chloe was writing when she blacked out. She says it was a story about a tree planting in Circle Park. Chloe sees something on the road with her mighty squint. She asks if that's Lex's car. A few police vehicles are parked near Lex's sports car. Wouldn't this have happened the night before, right after the incident? Chloe suggests that they go help. Clark says, grumpily, that Lex can get his own AAA. Chloe persists and convinces Clark to turn the truck around. He goes off-road. Can your pussy Yaris do this? The Mercedes has a "LEX IV" license plate. That's what they give him fluids through when he's in one of his many accidents. Clark says that the police got here before Lex's cleanup crew. Yeah, what's up with that? Five hours later. Jeez.

A guy in a black coat gets on his cell phone. Chloe tells Clark to perk up his ears for the LuthorCorp security guard's call. The superhearing sound portal effect is fully employed here (I was beginning to think there was no special effects budget left for the season). Clark listens as Lex asks for a status report and the lackey tells him that they searched and couldn't find the flash drive. The guy says that the person who ran Lex off the road must have taken the drive. Clark tells Chloe that Lex had a little help with his crash. Is it really a crash if you just go off the road and don't run into any objects? Clark mentions the stolen drive. Chloe asks if they know the identity of "Racer X." Is it Matthew Fox?? Clark brags that their vision is only 20/20. He scans the car with his X-ray vision. Although the car is loaded with tech gear (except for an iPod, satellite radio, GPS, or Bluetooth, as previously noted), Clark is able to find a tiny object on the floor. "What's that?" he asks. "What's what?" Chloe asks. Clark zips to the car and zips right back in a red blur. He's holding a small black object. "Did you just...?" Chloe asks. Clark nods glumly. He shows her a black button he found. Here. I found this on the floor. You can have it. I also made an ashtray in shop class that you can have. Chloe says that it's her button. To prove it, the camera moves to her coat's sleeve. There's a matching big black button there. Chloe, looking really exhausted, says she was here last night.

Back at Chloe's apartment. Chloe is still saying that it was her; the boots and the button are enough evidence. Clark thinks that there must be another explanation. Chloe pulls out the small box from the night before: the flash drive. "Can you explain this?" she asks. Clark can't even explain how water comes out of the tap. Chloe decides she's guilty as charged. Clark says she wasn't herself. Chloe plugs the ungainly six-gigabyte drive with a USB dongle into her laptop's USB hub card. Chloe opens the drive, which is sneakily called "LUTHORCORP." But don't tell, because it's a secret. Inside is a confidential document. There's no name, but it describes a suspect: "Able to control other meteor-infected subjects." It says that she has blue eyes and brown hair, is 5'8", was born September 20, 1960, and admitted herself to Forest Glen Sanitarium approximately nine years ago. I guess this document is a few years old, if I'm going to reconcile things for the show's timeline, which I probably shouldn't. It says that she was considered delusional and underwent intensive psychotherapy. "Patient eventually fell into a catatonic state, rendering further treatment ineffective." Also: "First contact: Patient came to our attention while researching her daughter, also suspected of possessing special abilities. Upon first attempting to communicate with the patient, we found her still catatonic and unresponsive. Patient was given a newly developed drug intended to disrupt the catatonia and 'Wake' the patient. Drug proved successful only when administered every --" And that's where it cuts off at the bottom of the screen. Chloe says that it's a case file. Clark asks whether there's a name. She scrolls down. There's talk of "government utilization" and special forces. They want to use this person as a weapon: "Patient may be the key to finalizing Project Ares." They want to create peptide-enhanced beings. "Result: the world's first unstoppable army," it reads. There's a line at the bottom that says to click for the patient's photo. Clark notices the birth date. Chloe says aloud that the patient was born in Granville, Kansas. She clicks on the line about the photo. Lynda Carter, looking a little scary with wild upswept hair, is wearing a blue patient robe. Chloe says, "Oh my God, Clark. It's my mom." Dramatic music!

An industrial building in the woods we haven't seen before. Inside, Lynda Carter is in a very tiny slab of a bed. There's a small lamp to her. She's holding the same chain from the beginning of the episode. She's being observed through a large glass window as people walk down a hall. Lex comes into her room. Lynda Carter says that she wants to see her daughter. In case we missed the connection, Lex says that she'll soon see Chloe. Lex says that the drug they gave her is experimental, and that her ability might throw her back into catatonia. She counters that this "ability" thing is all in Lex's imagination. Lex says that in her medical file, it says she committed herself because she had the ability to control her daughter. Whenever she touched one of Chloe's possessions, she could make Chloe do anything. "I was sick. Mentally ill," she says. Lex says that delusions don't short-circuit the brain. Really? They don't? Lex says that her ability is to thank for that. Lex thinks that she can control others just like she could with Chloe. Lynda Carter says that whatever ability she has is due to a mother-daughter bond. Lex counters that Lynda's bond with Chloe is that they both have traces of meteor rock in their bloodstream. Long silence. Lynda says she has to see Chloe. Lex stops walking out of the room to go all fake sincere and tell her that he won't stand in the way of their reunion. He asks her to demonstrate her power first. "There's nothing to demonstrate," she says determinedly. She says she's never controlled anyone but Chloe. Lex thinks there's a first time for everything. Lex smiles coldly.

Commercials. Hey, the Yaris is back! Yay, Yaris. How I missed you, sweet, contoured, driving machine. Maybe you should sponsor this episode!

The mental institution. Chloe and Clark walk into the lobby. He asks if her mother wasn't catatonic the last time Chloe saw her. Chloe says that she doesn't play late-night bumper cars and is convinced that it was her mother controlling her actions. Chloe tries to sign in at the front desk to see her mother, Moira Sullivan. The Zjelko Ivanek-looking guy at the desk already has his arms crossed. "Did you not understand us the first time?" he asks. No, why don't you explain? Zjelko-Lite says that Chloe was asked never to come back. Clark thinks that there must be a mistake; Chloe hasn't visited in months. Nice daughter. Zjelko says that Chloe created a huge scene yesterday and that they don't want a repeat performance. Chloe says there's no matinee scheduled; she just wants to see her mother. Zjelko buzzes security and suggests that Chloe leave before they escort her out. Two men in white short-sleeved shirts amble threateningly into the scene. Clark says that they can't prevent Chloe from seeing her own mother. He notices an overhead security camera. Clark pulls Chloe aside and whispers for her to wait outside and to trust him. She does. Clark sees a big, obvious sign with an arrow pointing to the "SECURITY OFFICE."

Establishing shot of the overly metal facility where they're holding Lynda Carter. A guard is leading her to another room. Inside, we can see Lex and a security guy behind glass. Isn't that kind of glass usually one-way? In the room is a teenager wearing a black ski cap. He doesn't look happy. Lex asks Lynda to do a show-and-tell. She asks what he wants from her. Lex smirks. He asks "Lowell" to give her all he's got. Lowell pulls a prop desk from the wall with one hand and flings it at Lynda Carter. She screams as it crashes against the wall. He walks toward her. Lynda grabs a large pen from the floor. It glows green. She picks it up as Lex watches. "Sit down," we hear her say from her mind. Lowell does. Lex is very pleased. This was a good show-and-tell.

New establishing shot of The Daily Planet. Pretty clouds and a huge, looming LuthorCorp building overshadowing the puny Planet structure. Chloe is watching security-camera video of herself from the mental hospital -- video that she must have acquired very illegally. In the video, she's arguing in the lobby with a woman who has told her that her mother has been transferred. Chloe asks to speak to her mother's doctor. The woman says that the doctor is out of town for a conference. "You're lying," Chloe says. She tries to walk past the woman. The woman grabs Chloe's arm and that's enough for Chloe to rear back and punch the woman in the face. Whoa! The present-day Chloe, at her desk, is taken aback by her own pugilism. "I can't believe I did that!" Chloe says. I can't believe you did it either! Clark, also watching, guesses that Lynda Carter wanted Chloe to come help her, but didn't realize she was going to be transferred to another facility. Chloe thinks her mother made her steal the flash drive from Lex to find out her location. That seems a bit convoluted. Would someone who's been catatonic in a mental institution for twelve years even know what a flash drive does? Chloe says that either way, her mother's sending out an S.O.S. Clark says they should go talk to Lex. With their fists. Chloe grabs her coat. This is an awful lot of driving back and forth.

Lex's Freak Facility. Lynda Carter walks into the room where Lex is standing. She has some explaining to do. She swears to Lex that she didn't know she could control anyone other than Chloe. Lex doesn't believe her. He says it's time to put her talents to use. Lex pulls a black-and-white photo out of an envelope. It's a young man with a buzz cut. Lex says that the man is a violent psychopath. Not one of those pacifist psychopaths. "Good for him," Lynda Carter says blithely. Lex says that the man escaped the night before from this facility. He wants Lynda to send the guy back. "I am not going to be used," she says. Lex dangles the possibility of letting Lynda see Chloe. She thinks about that. Lex whispers that he knows what it's like to lose a mother. He says, "You don't get over it." Lex promises Lynda will see her daughter if she sends the guy back. Lynda hitches a breath. Reluctantly, she takes a blue blanket that belonged to the guy. She puts her hand over it. The material glows green.

We cut to...is this Prison Break? The guy from the photo is running on a train track in a misty wooded area. He runs and runs. "Find Lex Luthor," we hear Lynda's voice say. The angry young man stops running. "And kill him," she adds. "Also, if you happen to run by a convenience store, please pick up some Pria bars and maybe some teriyaki-flavored beef jerky. And get something for yourself, if you want. We'll pay you back." He thinks about that and then darts left. That's not the way he came from, but maybe he knows a psychopathic shortcut. The blanket in Lynda's hand stops glowing. Lex looks satisfied.

Lair of Lex. Lana is sitting by herself. Psychopath Man enters the room, having amazingly bypassed Lex's impenetrable security team. Lana, wearing a cute ornate Asian top, stands quickly. The guy asks for Lex. "Tell me where he is!" the guy says as Lana grabs a poker from near the fireplace and swings it at the dude. "But...I...was his buddy from...fencing class! (Gasp.)" Lana tries to run. The guy uses a hand to create a lasso out of air and pulls Lana back with that. Nice one! With your...wind...lasso...thing. Lana falls hard on her back and rolls on her side, unconscious. Concussion number 327. Psychopath Man hovers over Lana, but he doesn't get to savor the violence. Clark whooshes into the room and holds the guy up against the wall. "You shouldn't have done that," Clark tells him. Then he throws the guy 30 feet across the room. He crashes into an otherwise nice little end table. Now, it's destroyed. Chloe is in the doorway. Chloe and Clark both run to Lana. Chloe tells Clark to hurry up and get Lana to a hospital. "What about him?" Clark asks about Psychopath Man. Chloe says she can handle him. "Clark. She's pregnant. Go! Now!" Chloe commands. Clark's brain needs some priming. Clark whooshes out of the room, carrying Lana and sending paper and Chloe's hair flying.

We're in a new scene, but the same location. Psychopath Man is waking up. He's not really much of a villain, is he? He's should come in a yellow packet, because he's the Splenda of meteor-infected Kryptofreaks. Chloe is pointing a gun at him. He asks what she's doing. "Believe me, I can pull this trigger a lot faster than you can flinch," Badass Chloe tells him. Suddenly not so tough-looking, the psychopath says the last thing he remembers is running on the train tracks. On Prison Break. She says when he woke up, his memory was gone. "You know my mother," she tells him. It's not really a question. He says he was kept in a facility with lots of other people and doesn't know the person she's talking about. Chloe cocks the gun. "Where is the facility?" she asks, coldly.

Commercials. A very interesting Smallville animated "Justice and Doom" comic. You can check it out and enter a contest at the "Join the Fight for Justice" Legends site.

Smallville Medical Center. A new doctor tells Lana that the good news is that she has no concussion. Make that 326. He says that he would like to run a few tests given her recent miscarriage. Lana has spent half this damn season in a hospital bed. The doctor leaves the room. Clark enters. He says he heard what happened. Does Lana know he was the one who carried her? He asks if she's all right. "Depends on your definition," she tells him. He asks if the baby's all right. She takes a while to answer. "I lost it a few days after the wedding," Lana says. Clark takes in a big breath and doesn't really know what to say. She says Clark is the first person she's told. Clark blinks a lot in response. Near tears, he says he's so sorry. Lana says that she's lost so much; she thought having the baby would change things. "Now that it's gone... this isn't the life that I wanted." Tinkly music plays. Clark asks if this has anything to do with what happened the day of the wedding. He reminds her that she wasn't going to marry Lex, and then she suddenly changed her mind. He asks what happened. Lana lies; she says it was just wedding-day jitters. Clark presses on. He says that he can help her and that she doesn't have to be afraid. Forcefully, Lana tells Clark that she needs him to stop worrying about her. She says she's all right. "I'm going to get through this like I always do," she says darkly. She's going to be lame and we're going to want her off the show?

Lynda Carter's holding cell. Lex enters angrily. He says that when his wife ends up in the hospital, Lynda has made a grave mistake. Lynda says brightly that she didn't want anyone else to get hurt; she just wanted Lex to suffer. Oh, well in that case, then... HEY! Lex says that Chloe clearly gets her brazenness from her mother's side. Do people still say "brazen"? Lex says that as meddlesome as Chloe can be (do people still say "meddlesome" outside of Scooby Doo?), he's come to admire her. Lex says that's what makes this so difficult. Lynda warns Lex to stay away from her daughter. "Oh, it's too late for that," Lex tells her. He leaves as Lynda wonders if she made a huge mistake.

Kent Farm, nighttime. Chloe enters the house through an unlocked kitchen door. She calls for Clark. Clark whooshes into the room. Chloe asks how Lana is doing. Clark says unconvincingly that she's fine. Clark asks about Chloe's mom. Chloe says that she was definitely ordering the Psychopath. "Can we trust him?" Clark asks. Trust the Psychopath Man? Sure, why not? Chloe says that there's an old abandoned hospital on Paper Mill Road owned by -- "LuthorCorp," Clark finishes. He thinks it's another 33.1 franchise. Chloe was going to check it out, but she waited to bring her "army of one." Clark doesn't have time to be flattered.

Lynda's cell. Holding Chloe's necklace, Lynda mind-commands her daughter to get out of Smallville as fast as she can. Maybe even before Season 7. Chloe walks past Clark. "I have to leave!" she tells him. Clark superzips around her and tells her that he's not letting Chloe go anywhere. Chloe snaps out of it. She asks what's going on. Clark knows that it's Lynda trying to control her. Chloe is dizzy. She asks for a glass of water. Clark goes to get it. As he does, Chloe grabs a small lead box with Kryptonite inside. She opens it. Clark drops the water glass. Chloe says she has no choice. Clark begs her not to do this. She puts the Kryptonite in Clark's jacket, saying it's the only way she'll get out of Smallville. Clark writhes and grunts. Seen it. Have it on DVD. We go to commercials.

Super Paper Mario! Because we all like watching a plumber in multiple dimensions.

Chloe is driving at night. Some dudes are on the road doing some construction. They are unwisely in her way. Chloe gets out of her car to tell these dudes that she needs to get out of town -- even the guy holding the "STOP" sign in front of her. The very unkempt-looking construction worker says, "I'm afraid we're going to have to re-route you." Starting with your intestines. Chloe tries for an explanation, but as she talks, the other guy grabs her in a chokehold. He jabs her in the neck with a tranquilizer gun. Chloe manages to do a wide-eyed faint. The judges give her 9s for that. She conks out.

The Old Mill Road hospital building. Chloe wakes up in a now-familiar nondescript cell room. "Mom?" she asks. Lynda Carter is right there with the stiff chin thinking, "That's my conscious girl!" She does look really proud. Chloe gets up and hugs her mother. "Chloe!" Mom says. "You're even more beautiful than I remember." Maybe it's because the child actor looked completely different. Chloe can't believe her mom's not totally catatonic. This rules! Lynda Carter blames herself and says that Chloe shouldn't be here. Chloe says it's not Mom's fault. It actually totally is her mother's fault. With an assist from Lex. Mama Sullivan says that Chloe is suffering because of what Mama made her do, just like when she was little. Chloe has no recollection. Lynda gets up, not facing Chloe, and asks if she remembers the time she hurt her hands when she was eight. Chloe asks, "How could I forget?" She had to wear bandages for weeks. Uh-oh. I don't like where this is going. "You know, I've never played kickball since then." See, that's where you went wrong. You don't play kickball with the hands. "You didn't hurt your hands playing kickball," Lynda tells Chloe. Chloe's smile fades. So does mine. This is going to be a bummer, isn't it?

Lynda says that Chloe came home with her hands covered in ink, and she told Chloe to go wash them. "Instead," Lynda says bitterly, "you went to play with your computer." Oh my God. It's my childhood. Played out for the world! Damn you, Smallville! Lynda says that she was so frustrated, she told Chloe to go wash her hands until the ink was gone. "Mom, what are you saying?" Chloe asks. Lynda says that she found Chloe in the bathroom with blood everywhere, having rubbed her hands raw. Good thing that Chloe didn't have ink on her face or it would have been like that scary scene from Poltergeist. "That's why I left. To protect you from me," Lynda Carter says. Yeah, this is what I think they call a retcon. But, whatever. It's the latter end of Season 6. Just throw the show bible out the window, I say. Lynda decides she has to protect Chloe from Lex Luthor. She says that Lex knows Chloe is meteor-infected, so Lynda has to get Chloe out of there. "No, we have to get out of here," Chloe says. Chloe asks if there's anyone in the joint whose powers could help free them. A sound effect takes us to the scene.

Kent farm, nighttime. Two horses outside wonder where all the cows are hiding. MamaKent, carrying her business briefcase, enters the house. She's talking on the phone, telling someone that lunch before a meeting would be perfect. You know what's even more perfect? Lunch after a meeting. MamaKent notices Clark on the floor with a green rock glowing on him. Worst autoerotic asphyxiation experiment ever. MamaKent is slick. She finds the lead box right away and packs the rock into it, all the while saying Clark's name in one movement. Clark is all greasy-sweaty. She tells Clark to wake up. "Mom?" he mutters. "Oh, baby!" she says. You'd think she'd be a little less panicked after the hundredth time this has happened. And there's your obligatory Clark + Kryptonite = Pain scene.

Lowell from earlier, who looks like the world's most ineffective stoner villain, mutters, "No more experiments," as two guards are pushing him down a hallway. They tell him to keep walking. Also? Get a job! And cut your hair! As they walk by Lynda Carter's cell, Chloe is banging on the window, telling them that she needs help. One of the guards swipes a card to enter the room and completely falls for the old "my mom is sick and unconscious on the floor there, see?" routine. Chloe runs out of the room and runs smack into one of the guards. She manages to grab Lowell's goofy hat, though. As she struggles with the guards, she plays keep-away and tosses it to Lynda Carter. Lynda Carter makes the hat glow, natch, and tells Lowell to do whatever it takes to help her and Chloe get free. Lowell uses his strength to toss the guards around. He's handy in a pinch, I guess. All of a sudden, Chloe likes this guy. They walk down the hall with Lowell leading. They were even nice enough to give him his hat back.

Lowell's all happy with his hat and his new mission until two more guards show up and one of them fires a dart right into his neck. Lowell goes down. Well, it was awesome while it lasted. Chloe and Lynda run as a guard chases them and the other guard checks to make sure Lowell is all right. Aw, that LuthorCorp guard has a heart. The guard grabs Lynda, who yells for Chloe to get out of there. The other guard finally catches up and grabs Chloe. "Take her back to her cell!" he yells. Both Sullivan ladies struggle with their captors. Lynda manages to grab the necklace from her pocket. She mind-commands (mind-taking!) Chloe to get out of there, no matter what she has to do. Chloe does just that. She spins, punches the guard, grabs his gun, and smacks him in the head with it. Then she coolly walks away. She might have a future in Tarantino movies. She does a cool strut down a long hallway, slinging the big gun with her. A helpful display on the wall shows us how atoms form.

Lex walks in. Chloe, without hesitation, points the gun at him. "Lex, get out of my way," she says. Lex says he can't do that. Chloe raises the gun as Clark appears through the door's window behind him. Lex starts to tell Chloe not to do something she'll regret, but Chloe fires before he can finish. The gigantic, phallic, hole-laden shell flies toward Lex's face. Clark is standing right there, watching. Oh, he likes this. He doesn't even know what to do, because this big, Super-Mario-sized bullet is heading right for Lex's head. It's so hot. It is the Gayest Look of the Episode. Oh, the danger. Clark seems to hesitate until the shell is right about to bonk Lex in the nose, and then he roughly shoves Lex aside. The bullet hits the back wall and harms no one. Clark gets the hell out of there. Lex is slammed against the wall, and then he hits the floor. He finds himself alone in the hallway. The gun lies on the floor (but still has Chloe's fingerprints on it, I bet). There's mist in the room. If you're going to create a research lab for Kryptofreaks, you've gotta have steam pipes. Lex coughs and sputters. Unnecessary close-up of the gun.

Commercials! Adam Brody is a leading man now? I don't know if that's really gonna fly.

Oliver's clock tower in Metropolis; daytime. Chloe, wearing a bright floral print dress to show off her Chloevage, enters through the elevator. She's carrying a bag of sandwiches and says she brought a bunch because she realized she doesn't know which kind her mother likes. Clark doesn't look happy at all. Chloe's mother sits on an expensive couch, looking out the window. Chloe asks if Clark has talked to Oliver; he promised to put her mother up somewhere in Star City. So Oliver is going to be the guy who's always off-camera doing cool stuff for everybody? Clark says that he doesn't think Chloe's mom is hungry. He says that they've got a problem. Chloe gets serious. She goes to her mother. Lynda Carter stares blankly out the window. "Mom? Mom?" Chloe says. Lynda sees Chloe, and her face brightens. "I wanted to see a blue sky," she says simply. Awww. "One last time," she says. Chloe assures her that she'll see plenty of blue skies, because she won't be locked up anymore. Lynda takes Chloe's hand and tells her sweetheart that she's slipping back. Aw. Crap.

Clark tells Chloe that the drug Lex used on Chloe's mom only lasts 24 hours. Clark, wearing his serious blue jacket, says she doesn't have much time left. Chloe says she's going to talk to Lex. Lynda insists on no deals with "that man." Chloe says that she's not going to lose her mother again. She says that if that drug is out there, she can find it. Gee, I wonder if Gabe Sullivan wouldn't have minded seeing his wife. Chloe looks to Clark and says that she has some pretty amazing resources at her disposal. Clark just looks sad. He doesn't feel much like a resource right now. Lynda gets super-emotional and says that being with Chloe has been the best gift she ever could have been given. Even more than permanent lucidity? She adds that she's dangerous. Chloe doesn't think that's true. Trust us, Chloe. It's pretty dangerous. Lynda says it's like she's a human weapon, and she can't allow it. Chloe, the recapper's best friend, tries to logic her way out of the situation. She says it doesn't have to be like this. But, because it's a recap and not a scriptwriting meeting, things totally have to be like this. Lynda cries and touches Chloe's face. "My little cub reporter," she coos. Dude. Tears. Sadness. But not mine! I'm not crying! Allergies. Lynda hands Chloe the necklace and slips off. Chloe begs her not to go away yet. Has it been a full twenty-four hours? This exit is awfully well-timed. Chloe cries. Clark tries to cry. Lynda Carter, with heavy lids, whispers, "I love you... Chlo-Chloe." The camera stays on Chloe as she rocks the scene. Her eyes fill with tears. "I love you too, mom," she whispers. Lynda Carter's face goes slack. Her eyes glaze. Chloe, at her feet, buries her head in her mother's hand and cries as the camera pulls back.

Another new establishing shot of The Daily Planet, this time a flyover at night. Chloe, wearing the same outfit, is typing at her desk. A door opens behind her and someone enters the dark room. Chloe doesn't take her eyes from the computer screen as Lex walks in behind her. On her screen is text with the headline, "LuthorCorp crimes against humanity." Lex reads the headline out loud and calls it catchy. He says it's too bad the thing will never make it to print. Chloe says that she's tired of playing hardball, or softball, or any other ball. She says the game's over. Lex scoffs. He says that her audacity is impressive given her recent late-night activities. Chloe, freaked out, doesn't respond. Lex reminds her about running him off the road. He says investigators have found hair samples, boot prints, and mud in her apartment. "You were in my apartment?" she asks as she stands quickly. Lex asks how many years you get for aggravated assault. "Ten? Twenty?" he teases. Chloe says that they'll lock Lex up and throw away the key. Lex says that Chloe doesn't have a shred of proof about any of this and never will. He says that his evidence against Chloe, however, is locked up, safe and secure. Mini-Magnificent Bastard? Eh, not quite. Lex tells Chloe to make that article disappear and she'll remain a free woman. If the story is as evidence-free as he suggests, the paper won't run the story anyway. Chloe gets in Lex's face. She says that her mother risked everything to fight scum like Lex. She says that if that means spending some quality time behind bars, he can sign her up. Ah, but it's not that easy. Lex says that he has a Plan B firmly in place. "A plan that makes prison look like a picnic," he hisses. Foreboding music, complete with scary singing, plays. The music continues as Lex exits and Chloe stands there, shitting a journalistic brick.

Medical Center. Lana's doctor enters her exam room. She sits up in the bed. "Well now, Mrs. Luthor," he begins. Where's Lex in all this? It's not like him not to control every aspect of Lana's life these days. The doctor says that he did an extensive battery (D-cell?) of tests. He goes straight to the accusations. He asks if Lana took injections or if she did pills. Lana says she only took pre-natal vitamins. The doctor says that those vitamins don't cause nausea, fatigue, and the suspension of the menstrual cycle. He says synthetic hormones do. Lana asks what he means. He says that's what they found in her bloodstream. "That's what you took to fake a pregnancy," he tells her. Hey, man. Dial it down a notch. You don't know that. He also accuses her of forcing a marriage to a billionaire. Worst doctor ever. He says that when she stopped taking the pills, it made it look like she miscarried. Lana's mind is blown. Dark music plays. Lana says that she doesn't understand. She says she saw the sonogram. She saw the baby. The doctor says he doesn't know whose baby she saw, but he assures her that it wasn't hers. Lana, shocked, says, "I was never pregnant." Whoa! Right turn! Plot twist!

Kent home, nighttime. Chloe enters without knocking. Clark is standing there, seemingly waiting. He asks if she's all right and how she's doing. With no explanation of where they sent Mama Sullivan, Chloe says that it's unfair that her mother won't ever get to read the articles she's written. How about not getting to live the rest of her life? Chloe complains that Mama won't ever get to meet Jimmy. Chloe, about to cry again, says her mom will never get to know the person she's become. "It's a good thing I told her," Clark says. Clark says he gave Mama the complete Chloe Sullivan bio. Did he mention the part where he dicked around with her heart for a few years? I'm sure that went over well. Chloe cries as Clark tells her that her mother was so proud, and that it's something nobody can ever take away. Chloe tells Clark about Lex's visit. She says that it's "kill or be killed" time and that Lex said it's the story or her. Clark asks if Lex threatened her. "I'm in his crosshairs," she tells him. "Well, now he's in mine," Clark says. Chloe asks him to think about Lana. Again? She says they can't do anything to Lex until they know Lana is safe. "He'd feed her to the lions just to spite me," Clark says. "But it's inevitable," Clark says. "The war's about to begin." Finally! What took you so long?

A short PSA nicely done by Erica Durance for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation. Go forward at the Web site, or call 800-225-0292. Buy a Superman tag.

week: Clark and Lex are trapped underground. Will it be hot and sweaty or dusty and unlubricated? I'll spend the week trying not to think about it.