Chloe and Lana go bowling for Lana's two-woman bachelorette party, which is either incredibly sad or so crazy it just might work! While there, a guy who works at the bowling alley uses his telekinesis powers to teach Lana how to bowl. Another kid with powers -- the ability to scout out Kryptofreaks -- takes off his "I'm blind" sunglasses and points to our Bowlarama employee. Chloe follows the dude outside, where the telekinesis kid is kidnapped. The day, he has no recollection of being abducted. Chloe and Clark go visit the blind freak detector, and he takes off his glasses and sees that Chloe is infected by Kryptonite. (Clark, apparently, doesn't show up on homeboy's radar.) Chloe is soon abducted, strapped naked to a table so the show translates well in Japan, and then released the day, also with no memory of what happened. Clark does some sneaking around, finding the doctor who is guiding the blind kid and coordinating all this kidnapping with Lex. Chloe and Clark find a GPS map on the doctor's computer that shows the locations of all the detected meteor freaks as they're killed one by one. In one incredibly tense scene, Chloe realizes that she has a device implanted in her. Clark heat-visions her shoulder and digs the thing out. Ouchie! Lana, investigating on her own, finds the blind kid, and confronts him about Clark's abilities. The kid says that Clark is the most normal guy he's ever met. The doctor shows and goes a-shootin'. Clark shows up just in time to deflect a bullet. Lana finds it and tells Clark about it. He has to play it off, but Lana assures him that if he were a meteor freak, she'd be all right with it. Lana confronts Lex about the whole situation, and he denies any involvement. He swears on the life of his unborn child, which can't be good. Chloe accepts life as a meteor freak, but wonders when and how her hidden powers may emerge. Clark promises to be her one-man bomb squad. Because Chloe's da bomb! Lex sees the security footage of Chloe on the table and probably will be enjoying that tape for many long nights to come.
Michael Rosenbaum directed this episode, and, hey, it's a good one. Nice going, dude. You just might have a future in Hollywood after that hair grows back.
We start at Smallville Lanes, which is a nice change of pace from: castle, barn, hospital, weird lab with neon lights, Vancouver building. The camera pans across the colorfully lit lanes as we see bowling activity from the pins' point of view. Hey, don't hit me, now! I'm delicate! We cut to a very tiny Lana Lang swinging a bright orange bowling ball. Like all balls that Lana touches, it goes straight for the gutter. Lana shrugs as she turns and says that maybe bowling isn't her calling. Check that one off the list. Only about a million career choices left to explore. Lana says it's one of the last doctor-approved exercises she has left. Lana's pregnancy is not even showing one tiny bit. I don't know what she's going on about. It's not like there's umbilical cord hanging out that's gonna get snagged in the bowling ball return. Chloe grabs a ball and says that she likes bowling as much as the person, but that she was expecting something a little different for the bachelorette party. It's just Chloe and Lana? Where's Lois? Aunt Nell? MamaKent? Any girls at all that Lana went to school with? Gay BFF? Chloe swings her bright ball, which also goes to the gutter. Scoring this game is going to be so easy, guys. Lana mock-claps. Looking genuinely happy, she says she could have invited a bunch of girls to go out on a night on the town in a limo (which girls?), but that this seems so much more special. Is it the eight-pound balls or the shoes with the moldy insoles? Chloe, seemingly unconvinced, is skeptical about scarfing down chili fries and knocking down pins. Oh man, chili fries sound so goddamn good right now. "With my best friend," Lana says, "like we used to, one last time." Is Lana going to die? Chloe says that she's getting married, not moving to Antarctica. Lana says that she's also having a baby, and that these girls' nights out are going to be harder to come by. Chloe suggests that they document the night. She goes to grab a nice tiny digital camera that was just sitting off by itself, ready to be stolen. Chloe takes a picture as Lana flashes a big cheesy grin. "Cute!" says Chloe, gritting her teeth. Oh, it's so painful making her feel more pretty, isn't it? Ow, pain, right in the gut.
Cut to a young Asian dude who works at the bowling alley. He's spraying down a pair of brown shoes that don't look like bowling shoes at all. Where's the multi-color clown-inspired leather design? He watches as Chloe takes a picture of Lana either trying to surf or pretend she's swinging an imaginary ball down the lane. Bowling for Concubine decides that he's going to be the mack daddy of the alley. He walks over as Chloe says that she's taking a last picture of Lana before she becomes Lana Luthor. Is the wedding that soon? "Wow, that's weird," says Lana. BfC interrupts to say that Lana's form is perfect, but that he noticed her wrist was a little off. Luckily, he has a way to use her wrist that'll get it into perfect shape. He offers a pointer. Indeed. Chloe asks who'll man the shoe fort. He says that his shift is over, so he couldn't care less. Only he says he "could care less." Which he shouldn't. BfC gets to Lana and tells her to point her elbow straight down the lane. Also, to disrobe. Lana says that she'll try, but asks him not to sign her up for the pro bowl league. BfC tells her to trust him because he's got a magic touch. Lana swings wildly. The ball goes toward the gutter. Bowling stares hard at the ball. Twinkly "magic dust" music plays. The ball curves back toward the center. Strike! "AAAHH oh my God I did it!" screeches Lana. BfC smiles. Chloe says that it's the last frame, so Lana gets to go again. Lana grabs another pinkish-orange ball. "Remember what I said," BfC tells her. She swings without much form at all. The ball sails to the center and knocks down all but one of the pins. Bowling for Concubine continues staring. The last pin falls. Lana screams and laughs. Chloe throws a suspicious glance at Bowling. Lana high-fives BfC and Chloe. "Good job, Lana," says Chloe, without much enthusiasm. BfC says that if Lana gives him her number, he can share a few more tips. Like this tip right here. In my pants. The one that's actually at the end of a penis. I don't like to be too subtle. Lana says she's not sure her fiancé would approve. She flashes her ring, with the diamond side facing into her palm. He didn't notice her ring when he was giving the tip? "Oh. Yeah. Probably not," says BfC. He doesn't persist like that randy Daniel Radcliffe kid. Lana thanks him, for some reason. He walks off. Lana asks Chloe to take one more picture. Chloe just stares after BfC.
Cut to a middle-aged gent leading, by the arm, a younger man with stringy light-brown hair and dark glasses. "Why here?" the teenager asks. The man tells the teenager, who is named Tobias, that places like this always attract large crowds. Especially on Ladies' Night! Oh, yes! He tells the young man to take off his glasses. "Only for a second," Tobias says grimly. Instead of being the kind of Tobias who never takes off his shorts or underwear, this one must have a thing about his sunglasses. "I know it hurts," says the older man. Tobias takes off the glasses. Close-up of his eyes. The skin is puckered around the eyes, and the pupils are cloudy, not unlike a guy I've seen who can paint the future. We see from Tobias's point of view that he has some sort of crazy, bright thermal vision. Everything is white and orange, but he sees a blue person shape walking toward him. "There's one right there," he says, pointing very obviously at Bowling for Concubine as BfC walks by. What, an Asian? You got a problem with Asians? What the fuck, man!? Hey, there's a blind guy being all gay with his sugar daddy. How you like them apples?! And I'm pointing at you! You know, it's possible I'm misreading this scene just a bit. Tobias slips his glasses back on. The scary music that briefly flashed calms down. The older gent leads Tobias away, lest he point out other ethnicities.
Back alley. Bowling for Concubine goes outside, maybe to go home and go over his "tip." He walks down the alley, and then sits down. He pulls out a 40-ounce and tips it back. Woooooo! This guy knows how to party! Alone. Sadly. BfC puts down his 40, the label of which has "90" on it. We get a close-up of the bottle so that we may remember this critical detail. Someone approaches from the mist. It's some dude who quickly grabs BfC as a van screeches around a turn and comes down the alley. Another thug approaches, having hopped out of the van. Chloe emerges from the back door to see the two men grabbing BfC and dragging him away. "Hey!" she yells. BfC calls for help. "Hey!" Chloe yells again. Hey! You! Guuuuuuys! Tires screech as the van speeds up. Chloe tries to fit against the wall of the building, but there's no room. She runs as the simulated headlights bounce around crazily. Chloe runs and almost gets plowed down. She dodges to her left and falls onto a car on a lower level, then roughly rolls to the ground. The van speeds away. Chloe breathes hard. Opening credits.
Commercials. Oh, Target. You make everything so bright and colorful. Will you be my friend?
Bowling alley the morning. Rather than rely on one of those fancy new "door locks," the double-door entrance is secured by a padlock and chain. Clark, of course, opens it with ease, and he and Chloe enter. All the lights are on even though the place is presumably closed. Chloe says she can't believe that there's not even a skidmark outside to go with the one in her pants from last night. Clark asks Chloe if she's sure the guy was "Krypto-powered." Chloe tells Clark about the whole knocking-over-one-pin thing. Clark says that would give someone a good reason to kidnap a bowling-alley employee. He asks if Lana saw the abduction. Chloe asks Clark about the "wedding of the century" coming up week, and whether he'll be renting a DVD or a tux. Clark holds out his arms and asks what possible reason he'd have to watch them get married. Chloe says that it would send a message that he's moving on. Oh, there's none of that going on here. No moving on. That would be a completely false message to send. "To Lana," Chloe adds, about the recipient of Clark's hypothetical message. "To Lex." Clark will never move on from him. The lovin' was just too good. Chloe concludes that Clark would also be sending that message to himself. Clark blinks. Thinking hurts. Won't that create, like, a messaging feedback loop? Isn't that a paradox or something? "What does this guy look like?" asks Clark. You want to know what yourself looks like? All right...tall. Flannely. Hair that never looks the same on two different days. Pretty eyes and mouth. For some reason, Chloe starts to describe the bowling employee. She says he's Asian, about six feet tall, an earring in his left ear. "You mean like that guy?" Clark asks. Bowling for Concubine, holding a big coffee container, yells at them, asking what they're doing there, because the place is closed. Chloe asks what happened to him last night. That stops him in his tracks. BfC puts a palm to his head, swivels his head, and asks if he and Chloe hooked up the night before. "Uh, no," Chloe replies, telling him that he was thrown in the back of a van by men in black. Oh no! He got gang-bused! "Damn, I thought I drank a lot last night," says BfC. Clark asks if he's sure he didn't get thrown in the back of the van. (My wife mentions how cute BfC is, and says that you've got to hand it to the show for casting such good-looking people all the time.) BfC says that he doesn't remember anything, and just figured he blacked out. How romantic for whomever he might have hooked up with. Chloe frowns. BfC rationalizes that it was Saturday night and he cracked open a pint. Just a pint? He says he woke up in his own bed just like any other morning. Chloe does a double-frown and nods her head in amazement. What kind of debauchery is this?!
Stately Luthor Manor, daytime. A dark sound takes us inside. Lex stands in front of a mirror, looking at himself as he tries on a traditional tuxedo. Lex asks if it's just him or if he looks like a waiter serving high tea. Lana, wearing a black dress, stands to him and says he looks like the most handsome groom in the world. "Good answer," Lex tells her. Now, if you'll excuse her, Lana's about to be the runaway bride. "Questo é perfetto," says Lex, to an Italian tailor standing in the room. "Grazie!" the tailor replies as he walks out of the room. I hooked up my microphone just so I can show you what it sounds like: "Grazie!" Lana and Lex smile at each other. "About last night," he begins. Sorry for trying to enter through the wrong location. Lex asks what Lana and Chloe were doing outside the bowling alley the night before. Lana says that Chloe needed some air. Lex asks why Chloe didn't go out front like everybody else. Lana says that Lex seems a little obsessed with the details. Lex says that Chloe is Lana's maid of honor and almost got run over; he wouldn't want anything to happen to her. "Neither would I," says Lana.
There's a man at the door. Lana glances at him, as does Lex, and then Lana says she'll see Lex at dinner, and kisses him lightly on the cheek as she exits. It's Dr. Bethany, of bowling-alley fame. "The boy is growing impatient," says the doctor. You see, the boy has seven years on his contract and there's talk of an eighth season. Bethany says that Tobias is asking when they'll schedule his surgery. Lex says Bethany should tell the boy that corneas don't grow on trees. Unless they're spooky eye trees. The trees in the hills have eyes. Bethany says that the boy is blind, not stupid. And Bethany is a physician, not an illusionist! Lex says that he was warned a cornea transplant would take away the boy's abilities. Bethany says that if the boy tells anyone what they're doing, Bethany's career is over. Lex asks him to think about his wife: if they could have attracted these subjects a year ago, she might never have been murdered. When did that happen? Bethany gets his serious face on and tells Lex not to pretend he cares about crime. Crime doesn't pay, so why would Lex care about it? The doctor says that he knows about Lex's meteor rock research. Lex says that he's been victimized by these people just as the doctor has. Lex concludes by instructing Bethany to tell Tobias that he should be patient. Dramatic music soars and then climaxes into a whoosh. Lex walks away. Dramatically. Can you feel the drama?
Daily Planet. Chloe is telling Clark that Bowling for Concubine might not be the only person who's been taken. A mother called 911 saying that her son had been kidnapped in the middle of the night. She says that the boy showed up back in bed the morning. How did they get him back in bed if the mother was up all night worried and waiting? That's some serious sneaking. Chloe says that it's a person named "Brian Osborne," suspected clairvoyant. He's from the Wall of Weird. Clark says that people with meteor powers are being abducted. Chloe says that their memories are being wiped up to the point right before the abduction. Clark asks what's happening on their big night out. Chloe says that it's probably not a pajama party. Not a memorable one, at least. And quite possibly, there are no pajamas involved at all. Clark says that, given Lex's history with 33.1, he's probably behind this. Chloe shows Clark the only clue she has: it's a digital photo that Chloe took of herself and Lana together. Clark, for no good damn reason, says, "That's you and Lana having the time of your lives. That's great." Oh, just shut it, asshole. Chloe zooms in on a corner of the photo. It's Tobias pointing at Bowling for Concubine, all, "There's an Asian!" Chloe says that Tobias Rice was blinded in the last meteor shower. She points at him pointing at BfC. Then I walked to my TV and pointed to Chloe. We should just keep doing this to infinity. Chloe asks why a blind person would point at someone. Overpowered sense of smell?
Cut to the outside of a small cream-colored house. There's some snow on the roof. Inside, Tobias is greeting Clark and Chloe, saying it's nice to hear a familiar voice. Clark says he's sorry for what happened. Tobias says he's lucky, but that his parents weren't so. He offers them a nice tea to drink. "Don't make me drink alone," Tobias tells them, strangely. Clark says he'll have a glass. Chloe says that Tobias was at Smallville Lanes the night before, and that he was pointing at someone. Tobias says that, in his condition, he's not doing too much pointing. Chloe and Clark exchange a look. Tobias says that he's on a waiting list for a cornea transplant, as he reaches up on a shelf for a glass. Wouldn't living by himself, blind, have taught him to use plastic cups? Clark offers to help, but Tobias says that he can handle it. He knocks over a glass. It falls in slow motion. Clark superzips over to catch it. Tobias's sunglasses fall off at the same time. He grimaces. Stares at Clark. Puts a hand to his temple. Clark picks up the glasses and gives them to him. Chloe comes over. Tobias is mostly looking at Clark, but Chloe comes over and is close enough that Tobias would have seen her without his glasses. She asks if he's all right. Tobias, breathing hard, says that he's fine, but that he gets raging headaches from the light when he doesn't have his glasses on. He slowly turns away. "Please, just go," he says. Can we take that tea to go? No? In a sippy cup, maybe? All right, then. Just checking. Damn, but we're thirsty.
Outside, Chloe says she thinks that Tobias must have seen something. Clark says that it worries him. He uses his super-hearing. We don't get any special effects -- just a zoom-in on Clark's ear. We hear Tobias calling the doctor and saying, "I found another one." The doctor says that he's at the hospital, and that they'll deal with this later. Clark shits a super brick.
Commercials. They're still using that same "Woo hoo!" song on the Garnier ads? Let it go, people!
The Talon, downstairs. The place is abandoned except for Chloe, who is talking to Jimmy on the phone. He's somehow convinced her that he can come over for the night, even though she has a deadline. "Yeah, I like you a lot, too," she says, and hangs up. Lana is there, waiting. Chloe, surprised, asks if there was a late-night nuptial emergency. Lana says it's not about the wedding. She was just wondering whether Chloe really went out for air the night before, or if there was another reason. Chloe says she was worried that Bowling was another Lana Lang stalker. Chloe quickly changes the subject to her bridesmaid's dress, saying that Lana has amazing taste. Lana, unamused, asks why Chloe is sidestepping discussion about the abduction. Lana says that Chloe must think Lex is involved somehow. Chloe takes a moment, rolling her eyes around to see if there's a diplomatic answer hiding inside her eyelids. Then she says it wouldn't be a huge leap, considering that BfC has a meteor power. Chloe says that the bowling tips came with the added advantage of telekinesis; she thinks that's why BfC was abducted. Lana says that just because someone has an ability, it doesn't make him a bad person. Some of them might use their powers to save people. Chloe, strangely switching to neocon mode, scoffs that the meteor freaks she's met aren't up for the Nobel Peace Prize. Lana says offhandedly that they don't always advertise their powers, and asks how someone would figure out whom to abduct. Chloe fills her in about the blind kid and his ability to sniff out meteor freaks. "What's his name?" Lana asks.
Smallville Medical Center. For once, one of the principal cast members isn't hurt. Clark wanders around until he hears somebody say Dr. Bethany's name. According to the closed captioning, there's also a "Dr. Bender" being called on the intercom. Bite his shiny, medical ass! Clark finds the doctor, who is closing a small laptop. Clark says that he's friends with Tobias, and that he knows Tobias called the doctor today. The doctor confirms that Tobias is a patient of his. Clark asks what that whole "I found another one" thing was about. Clark says that he's worried. Dr. Bethany commends Tobias for having such caring friends, but says that any information he has is confidential. Clark asks if Bowling for Concubine is a patient of Dr. Bethany's. The doctor says that he's never heard of the guy. A nurse comes in, carrying something for Dr. Bethany to sign. The doctor turns. Clark eyes the laptop, and then blows the nurse's folder and papers, sending them flying around the room. Clark superzips out of the frame and then back in, having cleverly stolen a laptop. The nurse apologizes to the doctor and picks up the papers. The doctor looks down and sees that the computer is gone. He stares at Clark. "Where is it?" he asks. Clark asks, "Where's what?" The doctor says that Clark took the computer. Clark gestures at himself like, "Bitch, I'm standing right here, ain't I?" The doctor, very worriedly, makes dramatic faces. Clark leaves. On his way out, Clark grabs the sub-notebook from where he left it on a table in the hallway. Brazen thievery? Really, Clark?
Talon, nighttime. Clark walks into Chloe's apartment without knocking. The fireplace is going, but Chloe's not there. Instead, Jimmy is standing there, worried. Clark could have totally walked in on them boinking on the couch. Or was that what he was going for? Jimmy asks Clark to tell him he knows where Chloe went. Clark doesn't. Jimmy, scared, says that he's starting to freak out a little bit; she's not answering her cell. Clark asks when Jimmy saw her last. Jimmy says that he saw Chloe that morning, and that she's supposed to be working on something, on a deadline. Clark says that she's probably out researching her story. Jimmy says the story is about downtown parking meters. He starts to say what he'll do if anything happens to Chloe, but doesn't finish that thought. Clark hands him the small laptop and asks Jimmy to start seeing if he can break into its files. Jimmy says that Chloe's the one with the "mad techno skills," and that he's just a guy with a camera. Clark zips out of there before Jimmy can finish what he's saying: "...kidnapped girlfriend."
Tobias's house. He's reading a piece of notebook paper covered in Braille. There's a blaze going in the fireplace, which doesn't seem right. Clark is standing behind him, and asks, "Where is Dr. Bethany?" Tobias asks how he got there. Clark says that he's tried to find the doctor at the hospital and by pager; forcefully, he says that the doctor has kidnapped Chloe: "He took my friend. Now where. Is he?" Tobias says that he doesn't understand. Clark grabs him by the shoulders and tells Tobias not to lie. Tobias says that the doctor is supposed to be helping people. Clark says that Chloe is just a witness, moping, "God knows what he'll do to her." Tobias says that she wasn't taken because she was a witness. Clark thinks he's being lured in. "You?" Tobias asks. "Why would he want to do that?" Clark asks why Bethany would take Chloe. Tobias takes a long time to answer, but finally says he thought Clark knew, since they were such close friends. "Knew what?" Clark asks. Tobias says that Chloe's meteor-infected. Dramatic music! Revelation! Clark's tiny mind is blown!
Cut to a bright light. We see Chloe's right eye from the side. Her vision is blurry, but she can make out the shapes of doctors above her. Chloe is strapped to a table. Her mouth is being held open with metal clamps. There are tubes going into her mouth, and her head is held down with a heavy steel band. Cut back to a wider shot. Chloe's flat tummy is exposed. Her chest is covered with a silver strap, holding her down on a table. Her arms are at a 45-degree angle, also pinned down. This is some fucked-up shit right here. Chloe, scared, breathes heavily. Someone in Japan decides to make a pornographic anime out of this. A doctor mumbles that the clock is ticking, and not to waste time. We cut to a wide shot of a scary chamber where round lights illuminate big white panels. There are six doctors around Chloe. The lights go to blue. They do a full-body spectral scan on her, shining a green light up and down her body. It's a Pink Floyd laser light show on her face! Chloe grunts as they keep scanning. They prepare for DNA extraction. A doctor plunges a giant foot-long drill bit into Chloe's belly button. She makes frightened noises. Close-up of her panicked right eye, again from the side. We go to commercials.
The Number 23. Am I the only one hoping Jim Carrey is good in this?
Stately Luthor Manor. Lana is wandering into her bedroom wearing a red robe. Lex, entering from another direction, says, "Hello, beautiful!" It would have been nice if he were standing in front of a mirror. Or maybe he's talking about himself as director. He asks, "How are the two of you doing this morning?" Oh my God, he's talking right at Lana's breasts! How beastly! Oh, wait. Baby. Right. Lana says that they're both doing just fine. She changes the subject from what a glorious morning it is to Tobias Rice, asking if Lex knows him. Lex asks why. Lana tells Lex about running into the guy at the bowling alley. She says that they went to school together. Lex goes over to a dresser and puts on his watch. Lana tells Lex that Tobias lost his sight in the meteor shower, and now has the ability to detect meteor-infected people. Lex fakes that it's intriguing, but that he doesn't know why Lana would think Lex would know the dude. Lana says, a little too seductively, that she knows the kinds of things Lex is interested in. Things that are made of soft rubber and flare out at the base. She says that meteor powers are high on the list. Lex lies that, in this case, he's in the dark; he says he's never heard of Tobias: "Sorry." He kisses Lana on the cheek. What's with this chaste engagement? Lex leaves the room. Lana's expression changes from pre-wedded bliss to suspicion.
Talon. Jimmy is taping up a sign on a column: it reads "MISSING," with a picture of Chloe on it. Good luck with that one tiny flyer. Clark finds Jimmy and asks whether he had any luck with the computer files. Jimmy says that he tried his best, but that he's an amateur at the computer-encryption game. He asks about the doctor. Clark still hasn't found him. I guess Tobias was no help. Jimmy frets about whether Chloe might be gone for good. Clark closes his mouth, hard. Jimmy says that he's never met a girl like her. He turns to the flyer and says, full of emotion, that the worst part is he never got to tell her how he really feels. Oh, I think she knows, dude. "Well, now's your chance," says Chloe. She's standing behind Clark, wearing a tan coat and a jaunty scarf. Jimmy hugs her. She asks him to take it easy with the anaconda squeeze. Hey, I just saw Snakes On A Plane tonight! Kismet! Jimmy gushes that he can't believe Chloe's standing there. She doesn't know why, since she lives upstairs. Clark tells her that she was abducted the night before. Chloe sees the "MISSING" flyer. "Oh my God," she says, instantly convinced. Jimmy asks if she remembers anything. She remembers trying to go to sleep and then waking up in her bed. Why would she remember going to bed if she never made it there? Chloe asks why they would take her. Jimmy says that she's a witness, and that they'd want to shut her up. Clark tries not to say anything. Chloe says that if that were the case, they wouldn't have released her. Clark suggests that they were trying to scare her. Which makes no sense, if they took her memories. Clark says that he's just glad she's back, and tells her they have Dr. Bethany's laptop. He asks Chloe to pull off a miracle. She's way freaked out.
Lair of Lex. Dr. Bethany is there. Lex doesn't want to hear about the blind kid's complaints, and says that they'll just fall on deaf ears. Ha. Good one, Lex. Bethany tells him that sensitive information about the project has been misplaced. Lex scoffs. He takes a few delicious moments telling Bethany that car keys and glasses are misplaced, not classified documents. Bethany, really scared, says that his laptop was somehow stolen. All that pr0n! He says that the files could jeopardize their project and obliterate his career. Again with your career, dude. You work at Smallville Medical Center. You aren't exactly in line for a position at Johns Hopkins, all right? Lex says it sounds like a real blunder. He says he hopes, for the doctor's sake, that it hasn't gotten into the wrong hands. Bethany corrects Lex: he says he hopes that for both their sakes. Lex, mad, gets out of his chair and says that he has nothing to do with Bethany or the research. That was their agreement. Bethany, completely fucked, says that there might have been some mention of LuthorCorp in his research. Lex really wants to slap this guy. "Then you give me no choice," he says. Evil! Bethany, on the verge of tears, asks what Lex is implying. Lex leans his head forward and spits that he doesn't tolerate loose ends. And this guy is crazy loose! "Bring me Tobias," says Lex, "unharmed." Lex leaves the room. Bethany drops a few ounces of pee down his pant leg.
House of Tobias. There's a knock at the door. He answers it. Lana Lang! Noooo! She greets him warmly, reminding him that they went to high school together. Tobias says that he hasn't talked to this many Crows since graduation. Sadness. He invites her in. Lana says immediately that she knows about his ability. He says he wouldn't call blindness an ability. He's perfectly handicapable. Lana says she knows that he can identify people who are different. She tells him to stop, because somebody is exploiting his powers. Tobias says he doesn't know what she's talking about. Lana says that she has money. She can put him on a plane and get him far away from here. Isn't that...Lex's money? Won't he mind? Tobias says that he's not going anywhere, since he's in line for a cornea transplant. Lana tells him that he can get the surgery somewhere else, where there aren't any strings attached. Tobias asks why she'd do that for him. Lana says that Tobias may be putting someone at risk. A person who saves lives on a daily basis. Chloe? Very tight close-up on Lana. "I can't let that happen," she says. Tobias thinks about it. "Who told you about me? Clark Kent?" he asks. Lana is surprised. She asks if he told anyone about Clark. "What's to tell?" he asks. Lana says that it's all right. She knows that Clark is infected. Tobias says that she must be talking about a different Clark Kent. The Clark he knows is the most normal guy he's ever met. Dramatic music as we zoom in on Lana, who suddenly isn't so sure of herself. We go to commercials.
Reno 911! movie. I'll see you at the theater.
Intense scene alert! Talon. Nighttime. There's a storm happening. We go inside Chloe's apartment, where we see Chloe on the couch messing with Dr. Bethany's laptop as Clark watches. Whoa! Watch it with that dynamic Chloevage! Chloe says that the files on the laptop are barricaded. In every wall, there's a door somewhere. Really? Like the door on the Great Wall of China? Chloe stops what she's doing to notice that Clark keeps staring at her. She asks if she has something on her face. Psst...lower, Chloe. Clark plays it off, saying that he's just relieved. He says that they were worried about her. Chloe says, "Nice try, Clark. Cough it up." She thinks Clark knows the real reason she was abducted. The camera pushes in on each of them. "I'm some kind of meteor freak, aren't I?" she asks. Clark says they don't know that. Chloe looks grim, but hopes the computer can demystify things.
Chloe types something on a command line and says, "We're in." She pulls up a map of the town. There are a few red dots on it, and several blinking green dots. She says that there's a GPS overlay on the map; she thinks the doctor is tracking meteor freaks, and asks why. Clark wonders if they're being observed in their own environment. Jimmy comes through the door. He says he heard from the Daily Planet that Bowling for Concubine was killed in a car accident outside of Smallville Lanes fifteen minutes ago. I don't think that news would have gotten to Metropolis that fast. If anything, it would have been someone from the Smallville Ledger who heard about it or a local TV news station. Clark says that it may have been someone making it look like a car crash. Chloe zooms in on Smallville Lanes on the map. There's an address, on East 1st Street, and a red dot with a white "X" in it. Chloe thinks the red dot was Bowling for Concubine. Chloe zooms to a green dot at Granville Park, which suddenly turns red. Clark thinks the people are being killed one by one. Chloe finds "Talon Theater" on 220 Main Street. There's a blinking green dot there. Jimmy asks what's going on, and if she's all right. Chloe gets up suddenly and pushes Jimmy out, telling him to go to the bowling alley and get all the information he can about the car crash. Jimmy says that he'll call when he gets there.
Chloe takes a second, and then turns to Clark: "I need you to x-ray me." Clark frowns: "What?" Chloe says that they're both adults, and that he should just do it. Clark thinks, then agrees. "Um," he says, trying to concentrate. He squints. He looks at Chloe from knees to head. On her right shoulder, there's a little white rectangular object. He says that it's underneath her collarbone. Chloe, scared, touches her skin in that area and says, "What is it?" Clark doesn't know. "Please, Clark," she says desperately, "I don't want to die!" Clark doesn't know what to do. "Just get it out of me!" she yells. Chloe is terrified. Clark says that they have to get her to a hospital. I just happen to know of one! Chloe tells Clark that she doesn't want to wait at the hospital for the doctors to tell her what's going to happen. Lightning flashes and thunder crashes. Can you feel the drama!? Can you feel it?!
Clark stares. "How accurate is your heat vision?" Chloe asks. Clark tells her not to even go there. Oh, she's going there, Clark. Like Stevie Nicks said, you better stand back, stand back. Chloe asks if Clark's heat vision is pinpoint accurate. "Chloe, I'm not gonna burn you!" says Clark. Chloe, tears in her eyes, yells that Bowling is dead, and that every one of those green dots is turning red: "I will NOT be the red dot!" Clark blinks. Chloe spins as more lightning flashes. She says that's fine; she'll do it herself. Chloe grabs a giant kitchen knife and presses it against her collarbone, ready to stab herself. She presses the flesh. "Chloe!" Clark screams, stepping forward and holding out his hands, "wait! Just hold on a second!" This may be the most emotion I've seen Clark show all season. Chloe puts the knife down, pulls down her shirt past her shoulder, grits her teeth, and says, "Do it." She looks to Clark desperately. Even more lightning and thunder. Clark agrees and steps forward. He grabs Chloe's shoulders, braces himself, and tells Chloe to hold on to him. He tells her she can't move. Chloe has a tear rolling down her cheek. She agrees. Clark's eyes go orange. He concentrates as his eyes eyejaculate a sharp beam on Chloe. She screams loudly and slowly falls. Clark follows her with his beam. She screams again. Clark says, "All right" and digs his big-ass fingers right into the hole. Jesus Christ! I mean, dude! Yeesh! Chloe screams even more as we hear flesh being torn apart. "I'm sorry!" Clark yelps. "Just get it out!" Chloe growls back. Clark extracts a tiny piece of black grit. He says it's a GPS device; that's all it is. How does he know that, exactly? Now it looks just like a little tiny silver pill package. Clark crushes it with his fingers. Chloe, holding Clark's shoulder, turns to the computer screen. The green dot representing her turns red. Chloe looks like she's going to pass out. Let's all take deep breaths!
House of Tobias. The storm is still going. Tobias is telling Lana that he thought the only thing she cared about in high school was lip gloss and pom-pons. Oh, she's left pom-pons far behind. Lip gloss, not so much. Lana says that Tobias didn't know her very well. He apologizes for thinking that about her. The doctor is suddenly in the house without Tobias's having heard him enter. He asks where Tobias is going and what Lana is doing there. The doctor says that he has to take Tobias to the medical center. The time has finally come for the surgery. Scary lightning illuminates the doctor. Tobias goes to get his jacket. Lana tells him that he can get the surgery somewhere else. Tobias says it's all right. He walks straight to the inside of a nearby closet and throws a breaker switch. All the lights go off. Lana gasps. Oh, it's Wait Until Dark! Dr. Bethany pulls out a device that looks like a gun, but much goofier. It emits a scary blue neon light from its blunt, circular tip. Lana notices the blue death ray.
Chloe's apartment. Jimmy walks in and sees Clark dabbing Chloe's wound with a bandage. He asks what the heck Clark did to his girlfriend. Chloe says that she had a tracking device in her, and that Clark had a pocket knife. "We improvised," says Clark. Jimmy is shocked. "'Improvised'!?" he asks. Yeah, you know, like when you ask the audience for the name of an animal and a knife to stab someone with? Chloe lies that it barely stung. They hear a beep on the computer. It's a green dot at the house of Tobias. Chloe says there's only one left. On Highway 52. "Tobias," Clark says. Ya think?
House of Darkness. Dr. Bethany is saying that The Powers That Be (Al and Miles?) want Tobias brought to them. Bethany says that if he does that, he's a dead man. He says that if anyone asks, the story is that Tobias just disappeared. Lana tells the doctor not to hurt him. The doctor says that the voltage in his weapon stops the heart instantly; the boy won't feel a thing. Oh, well all right then, just...NOOOO! Bethany lifts the gun and says that Lana won't feel a thing either. "But you will," says Tobias. He's got a gun. One with actual bullets. He points it at the doctor. Tobias says that he always thought his father had too many guns in the house, but now Tobias is glad he did. Couldn't you have gotten rid of them after your parents died? Ever heard of guns for toys for tots for blind Kryptofreaks? You could have gotten a whole baby! "What good is a gun if you can't see?" asks the doctor. Ah, yes. That ancient riddle. Tobias fires and shoots the fucker right in the chest. The blue gun drops. Tobias says that he can hear just fine, and that the one is going right in his heart. The doctor growls and rushes Tobias. The gun falls. Lana goes to grab the weapon. The two men wrestle on the floor. The doctor manages to get his heart-stopper gun. Lana grabs the real gun and tells Tobias to run. The doctor points his gun at Tobias while Lana points hers at the doctor. "Drop it!" she yells. Looks like we got ourselves a little Canadian standoff! Lana swears to God that she'll pull the trigger. The doctor, completely taking his eyes away from Tobias, says that he'll take his chances. He squeezes his trigger. Lana squeezes the trigger on her gun. Clark blurs into the room in slow motion. He reads the situation. Sees the flying bullet. Clark bats the bullet away with his palm. Then he positions himself in front of Tobias. The blue ray bounces off of Clark's chest and hits the doctor, knocking him back. Bethany crashes against the wall. Tobias asks what happened. Lana doesn't really know. Clark is gone. She says that they're safe now. Lana turns the breaker back on and asks if Tobias is all right. He thinks so. Lana goes to call the police with her cell. She notices that a glass shelf door has a bullet hole in it. She opens the shelf. Inside, a bullet with a dent in it can be found, having hit a metal tray and put a crater in the thing. Lana picks up the bullet.
Commercials. Burger King's string of awful advertisements continues, this time with little people.
Outside the house, there's an ambulance and police cars. A body is being taken away on a stretcher. A deputy asks if there's anyone who can assist Tobias. Clark says that he can; he says he heard what happened. Tobias blames himself, saying that he should have known what was going on. He says he never questioned what was happening. Clark says that a friend of his will help Tobias to get his operation. "Lana wanted to do the same thing for me," says Tobias. Wait, what? Clark asks why. Tobias says that Lana thought Clark was infected by the meteors, and that she didn't want Tobias to tell anyone. "Really? What'd you tell her?" asks Clark. Tobias says he told the truth -- that Clark's the most normal guy he's ever met. Well, that's just silly. Clark turns. He sees a town car approach. Clark says it's a ride for Tobias. Tobias thanks him. The license plate on the town car reads "Q2." Hey, it's nice to have rich friends like Oliver. The car drives away.
Lana, standing nearby in a trench coat, her hands dug in the pockets, does her best Robert Stack impression. "Once again, fate intervenes and lives are miraculously saved," she says. "Yeah," says Clark, not able to understand half of those words. He tells her that the paramedics reported that the doctor died of a heart attack. He says it's bizarre. Lana says what's really bizarre is...she shows Clark the bullet. Lana says that she fired the gun, but that the bullet hit the cabinet behind her. Clark says that it must have ricocheted. Indeed. Lana says, kinda sexily, that it must have bounced off something pretty powerful. Clark says it's important that she's all right. He tries to walk away. Lana asks where Tobias went. Clark says that he's going to Star City, where Oliver is arranging for his cornea transplant. Clark adds that Tobias told him what Lana was going to do for him. He says he's not sure where Lana got the idea that he's meteor-infected, but that he appreciates what she tried to do for him. He says that it means a lot. Lana frowns. She says, in extreme close-up, that even if it were true about Clark, it wouldn't matter: "You'd still be the same Clark Kent." Clark thinks about that for a while. An older police officer asks Lana if she's ready to make her statement. Not about Clark, though. She does turn back to Clark and gives him a sultry look and walks off with the cop. Clark forgets to breathe.
Lair of Lex. Lex is sitting by the fireplace as Lana walks in. He thanks God she's all right. They hug. Lex asks what she was doing at that house. Lana says that she was trying to save the kid. She didn't know things would turn out that way. Lana says that she saw the doctor Lex had been meeting with. "Of course you did," says Lex. He says that he was talking to the doctor about LuthorCorp's donation to the new trauma center. Lana asks if it was just a coincidence. "A sad one," says Lex. He finds it weird that a man who saves lives would do something like this. Lana doesn't seem to believe Lex. She asks if Lex would tell her if he's involved in this. "Lana, you're my bride-to-be...the mother of my --" Lana interrupts him; she asks for the truth. "On the soul of my unborn child. I swear. It's the truth," says Lex slowly. Lana hugs him. Strummy alt music starts to play as Lana stares past Lex's shoulder.
Chloe at The Daily Planet. She's on the computer, looking freaked out. Clark walks in, saying that she looks dazed and confused. Chloe says that she can't sleep, work, or think about anything else. Clark says that she's been through a lot. Yeah! Chloe says that she was taken for a reason, and that it's not because she's a witness. Chloe says that Clark wasn't identified because he's not a meteor freak: "It was me." Clark scoffs and says that it must have been a mistake. Chloe says that she's been exposed to as much Kryptonite as anyone else in town, and that it's not a stretch to think that she got infected along the way. Clark says that she doesn't have any powers. "Do you?" he asks, deliciously. Chloe says no, but she says that doesn't rule her out. She says that a good chunk of the Wall of Weird was made up of people who had latent powers that showed up years after exposure. Clark tries to be logical. He says that Chloe's powers may never show up. Chloe says that every meteor freak she's ever run into has ended up either dead or at Belle Reve. "Face it, Clark," she says. "I'm a walking time bomb." She sits and buries her face in her hands. Clark sits to her: "Consider me your own personal bomb squad." He puts both hands around her elbow. A teardrop falls on his hand. Chloe is crying. She looks to Clark and finally smiles as she sniffles.
Lair of Lex, nighttime. Lex pushes a button on a keypad at his desk. "Regarding our most recent subject," he says aloud. On a screen, we see Chloe laid out on the exam table. "33.1" is on the bottom left corner. Close-up on Chloe's face. "Keep a close eye on her," Lex says. We cut from Chloe's eyes to Lex's eyes. Lex stares right at us. Scary! We go to blackout.