Alien Nation

S06E09

By Omar G

How not to do an episode of Smallville that has to do with illegal immigration: have all the laborious field work immigrants do in Kansas taking place in the dead of December. Hire an actor for the sympathetic lead role as a kid just off the coyote truck, looking for his mom, who sounds like he was born and raised in Ohio and whose Spanish is worse than when Professor SoFine or Lex have spoken the language. The kid, Javier (who claims he learned English watching American TV, presumably for about fifty years), is part of a group of laborers at a Smallville farm who are being exploited because of their undocumented status. Javier runs away, and his friend is eaten by some sort of giant Tremors creature, it seems, as they try to escape. Javier takes refuge at the Kent Farm, and Clark, who considers himself to be the illegal immigrant, tries to help. MamaKent balks at the idea, but eventually wants to help. Long episode short, the owner of the slave labor farm is a moleman (yes, a man who is like a mole) who can dig through the Earth, saving lots of money on tractors. With the help of Token Hispanic Immigration Officer who is on a bloodthirsty hunt for one undocumented immigrant (only 11,999,999 to go!), Clark figures out the crime and puts a stop to Farmer Moleman's reign of terror. Sadly, no one is available to stop the reign of terror inflicted by the script. In other plots, Lex still doesn't have an answer to his marriage proposal, but he flies Lana to Amsterdam to check out an art exhibit. She's wowed by the perks of livin' large, and decides that she and Lex could do a lot of good in the world. She decides to help the undocumented immigrants. She visits with Clark, who sort of calls her Lex's puppet, and she is suitably angry. Jimmy tells Clark that, with regard to Chloe, he's a "bro, not a foe," which veers dangerously close to Michael Richards territory. Lex walks through what looks like a bad music video as he puts Farmer Moleman into Level 33.1. Stay tuned for a full recap, where I'll rip this one a new dirt hole. Señor.

This is what you got me for Christmas, Smallville? Was the coal lump factory store closed? Was an anal rape option not available? Seriously, guys. This was terrible. Why, Smallville, why?

We open on a vast field, which is useful for farming. A cropduster flies overhead, and we pan across to look at an irrigation ditch. A tractor rolls by and a helicopter flies off into the distance as, nearby, about a dozen workers are toiling in the field. This scene looks expensive. ["No, no. You keep costs down by hiring illegal immigrants, Omar. I thought you were from Texas!" -- Wing Chun] A boy in a cream shirt and jeans is digging, while his friend, to the left, is just standing there, shovel to him, watching. The darker boy warns "Javier," in a slight accent, not to let the boss catch him resting. The fairer boy, Javier, says, "He's gonna do what? Fire me? Francisco, the guy doesn't even pay us. I didn't come to America to be a slave." Are you sure you came to America, Javier? Because you sure sound pretty American. In fact, with your bushy hair, non-existent Latin accent, and young-actor-on-The-WB looks, I'd say you might hail from Hollywoodland, California. Javier says that he came here to be with his mom. Also, if they run fast enough, they can escape. Francisco -- who's sweating from the work and looks slightly annoyed -- says that everyone who's tried to run disappeared. That's because they didn't come back, did you think about that? Everyone's dressing pretty light, and the heat seems pretty heavy. Isn't this supposed to take place after Thanksgiving? Francisco gives Javier a look like, "Well go be with your mom, then. Baby." In that grating middle American accent, Javier says that Francisco has known him his whole life (yet they sound completely different), and asks if he's ever let Francisco down: "Just gotta trust me." Bueno.

Javier and Francisco plant their shovels; it's obvious that Javier barely knows which side goes into the dirt. A worker falls behind them. It's almost like those shots in a comedy where the characters are talking in the foreground and something funny happens in the background, only this isn't funny and the background action isn't done well enough to draw your eye. Brooding music with light-FM Spanish guitar plays. Mark Snow is getting mucho ethnic, compadres. Javier and Francisco jog over to help, while all the other workers just keep croppin'. Javier asks (in English) if the man is all right, and then says, in awful Spanish, "¿Está bien? ¿Necesita ayuda?" Owwww! My Latino ears hurt! The bearded man, who is lying on his back, croaks. "Somebody call a doctor!" Javier yells. In English. The other workers can't understand him, but they're all thinking, "Did somebody yell, 'I am an awful actor'?" A shadow falls on the boys as they try to look concerned while everyone else works. "What's happening here?" asks a man in a straw hat and blue overalls. The farmer whistles as he artfully blocks the bright sun. He tells someone to give the man some water. The man we'll come to know as Farmer Hans Moleman tells the two boys to get back to work. All that bad acting ain't just gonna perform itself. Francisco and Javier go back to their beloved shovels. They are named Christy and Melanie. Farmer Moleman whistles again, at no one in particular. Maybe a purty lady walked by just out of frame. Javier tells Francisco that if he stays there, he's going to end up like the guy on the ground. Francisco thinks he'd look pretty cool with that beard. Javier blinks his pretty eyelashes, and then tells Francisco, "Let's go find my mom." The friend nods. It will be his doom.

Nighttime. I think this is supposed to be the same field, but suddenly there are really tall cornstalks everywhere. That immigrant labor is amazing! Javier and Francisco are running noisily through the cornfield. Wouldn't it be better to sneak out quietly? Javier tells his buddy to hurry. Francisco calls to Javier to slow down. Something rumbles behind them. Maybe it's the jungle creature from Lost. Javier and Francisco stop to investigate. Something explodes, sending a poof of dirt into the air. The creature then knocks down corn in pursuit of the boys. They run, though Javier seems to be doing a half-assed job of it. Monster-point-of-view shots. It's Niños del elote! Javier makes it to the edge of the cornfield and runs out triumphantly. Just as Francisco is about to escape, he explodes in a cloud of dirt. ¡Ay, caramba! Javier looks back and calls for his friend. Maybe if you said the name with a Mexican accent, he'd hear you. "Francisco!" he yells. Don Francisco yells back, "¡No te pierdes cada sÃ¡bado del presentación de Sabado gigante!" There's another rumble from the corn, and Javier decides that his best friend isn't worth getting torn to bits over. He runs away, toward the distant full moon. We pan down into the corn. Something is thrashing there. Mr. Redenbacher, is that you? Whatever creature lies here, it thinks Mexican food is tasty.

Opening credits. Commercials. Speaking of strange accents, Blood Diamond opened in theaters this week.

Stately Luthor Manor. Lana, in her tiny black sexy maternity wear (MILF-in-training bra?), is walking into her bedroom with a white mug of what I'm presuming is tea or milk. Lex walks into the room from the closet (sadly, it's not as gay as it sounds), putting on a tie. He tells Lana that she didn't get much sleep. "Neither did you," Lana says flatly. All the world's money and they can't afford a wave-making clock radio? Lex says that it's kind of become a pattern lately. Sort of like being in an awful relationship where you ask someone to marry you and she has no discernible personality. And she happens to be pregnant with your evil seed. "You mean since you proposed?" says Lana, and then looks down as if she just lobbed a grenade. Yeah, blame everybody's lack of sleep on Lex's proposal. Lana turns away in shame before he can answer. Lex says that he doesn't want Lana to give him an answer until she's ready. Also, "Yes" would be preferable. Lex adds that, to be honest, he wishes he could take it back. So romantic! Lana frowns. Lex says that he's usually more calculated and strategic (and, you could say, choosy), but with Lana, he can never see clearly. That's not love, that's codependency! Also, Lana's frequently bathed with angelic light, which may explain his blindness. Lex says that he acts impulsively with Lana. She says that he's not the only one. There've been dozens of stalkers who've acted the same. Lana says that this is moving so fast. Six seasons is fast? Lex tells her to take as much time as she wants. She gives him an extremely tired smile, and says, "Thank you." She grabs both sides of Lex's untied tie and pulls him toward the bed, asking whether Lex's board can survive without the boss for one more hour. Why, you little pregnant minx! They kiss. Lex says that if he could, he would. He turns to the mirror and works on his tie, saying that just because he's stuck in an office doesn't mean Lana has to be inside all day. He tells her about three lost Vermeer paintings at an exhibit Lana should check out. But they're not in Metropolis: they're at the Rijksmuseum. They're guarded by Vogons. Lana says that's in Amsterdam, four thousand miles away. Lex says that it's one of the most romantic cities in the world. If you like hookers 'n hash. ["And who doesn't?" -- Wing Chun] Lex says that Lana will be very lonely and realize how much she misses him. That...doesn't sound like a great plan. "Nice strategy, boss," says Lana, foregoing the "you're not the boss of me!" stance many lovers adopt. Lex says it's only great if it works, and kisses Lana. Twice. They hug. There are lingering close-ups on both of their faces. Lex is so screwed in this relationship.

Kent farm. The cows ask, "Why are we sweating in December?" Clark enters the barn and throws some sacks with no real regard to where they land. Bo is spinning in his grave. And not because of Kryptonite. Clark sees Javier washing his hands in a small barn sink. "Hey!" Clark yells. The kid runs off. At least turn off the water faucet! Don't you know how to do that in English!? Without using his powers, Clark is able to cut in front of Javier and stop him. Javier is not looking too fresh. "What happened to you?" Clark asks. "Are you all right?" Javier says nothing. His arms are scraped up. Clark says that he should get cleaned up, and invites the kid inside. Good thing Clark's not, you know...funny that way. Clark promises that no one will hurt him. Javier just gulps. But in English.

Inside the Kent home, Clark puts some bacon on Javier's plate to go along with the huevos gringos. Javier has changed shirts. Now he's wearing a striped blue shirt, presumably borrowed from Clark, open to expose his white undershirt. Puro cholo, holmes. Clark says he thinks they have milk, orange juice, and lemonade. He gave the kid a full meal before offering him a drink? Clark goes to the tiny, ancient refrigerator and looks inside, grousing, "This would be easier if I spoke Spanish." What makes Clark think the kid speaks Spanish? Or that he's Hispanic? The kid could be Greek. Or Croatian. Or French. Or Latvian. Or Italian. Or [insert ethnic group here, multiply by infinity]. "Orange juice, please," the kid says. Ohhhh...he Kidactorian. "Orange juice!" Clark chirps. "Your English is perfect." Yes, we were aware of the strange casting too, Clark. You really gotta talk to your people about this. Javier says that he watched a lot of American TV. For that accent, he'd have to have watched every show we've ever recapped for about fifty years. Clark asks his name. This is where he should have busted out "Carlos de los Santos Ignacio 'Pepito' Alejandro Guzman 'El Puma' Seranno Javier Torres Montemayor Villalobos. 'Javier' for short." "I'm Clark," says Clark. Clark de los Alíens Grandes y Tontos.

Clark pours some O.J. as he asks what Javier is doing all scraped up and hiding in his barn. Javier makes Clark promise not to call the police. Oh no, he's a cow thief! Clark asks why he'd call the police. Because of all the cow thieving! Javier says that he ran away from the farm down the road. If it's just down the road, how did Clark not hear that earth-shattering growling the night before? Clark recognizes the farm. Javier says that he had to escape to find his mom. Clark says that the farm sounds like a prison. Javier tells Clark that nobody was allowed to leave, and that there was barely enough to eat. Javier explains how he and his friend tried to escape, but there was a loud rumble and Francisco went poof! Clark says he's sorry, but he'll have to call the sheriff. To be fair, Clark never promised. Javier says that Clark can't do that: "I'm here illegally. They'll send me back to Mexico." Not "Mejico." Straight up, English-pronunciated "Mexico." "'Mexico'?" says Clark. "That's a long way from Smallville." And it's a fuck-long way from Vancouver. Clark asks how Javier got there. Javier says that a "Coyote" (pronounced the gringo way, "Cay-otee," not "Coy-oat-eh") smuggled fifteen of them across the border last week in the back of a truck. Wait. Javier has been in the country for one week and has no accent? I hate to harp on this (except really I don't), but what the fuck!? How did this kid get cast? He's no better or worse than most of the guest stars on the show, but he's just wrong. There aren't any Latino teen actors who could have filled this role and done a passable, and not insulting, Mexican accent? Jesus Hispanic Christ! Javier continues his sob story: he was sent to be with his mom, but instead ended up working on the farm. At least it wasn't Maggie's farm. Clark asks where his mom is now. Javier says that she's working at a laundry company in Granville. When his dad died, his mom came north to work, and saved for two years to bring Javier over. I'm not sure all the subterfuge was necessary, given that her son could have passed for an American and just walked across without much fuss and a little paper forgery. Clark says that Javier's mom must really miss him. Javier says that his mom gave him a St. Christopher medal to keep him safe. He says he should have given it to Francisco; that they were like brothers. Clark tells Javier not to worry; they'll find his friend. Taking a dirt nap.

Country road. Clark has taken the blue family truck to McNally Farms. Yep, they raise almanacs and street maps right out of the soil! As Clark drives, he sees a beat-up truck from the sheriff's department drive past. Clark waves.

At the farm, workers are carrying baskets of fruit. Farmer Moleman lifts his hat and wipes the sweat on his brow to greet Clark, bellowing, "Well, it's been a long time!" Clark says he thought all Moleman's crops were destroyed in the last meteor shower. Farmer Moleman squints out into the distance, saying he's come to see the meteor shower as a blessing in disguise. A deadly, town-destroying blessing. Oh, do go on. He says it taught him that, with a little (lot) hard (undocumented) work, anything's possible. Clark looks around, asking what the deputy who just left wanted. "Lookin' for illegal aliens," says Farmer Moleman. Clark perks up at the word "aliens." Moleman says that all his workers have their papers. They actually don't, because all the papers are in his hand, being waved around for emphasis. Moleman changes gears. He says he was sorry to hear about Clark's father. You live door and you didn't bother to go to his old man's funeral or visit to give your condolences in person? You are evil! Moleman asks how Clark's mom is holding up. He manages not to ask if she's dating yet or if she likes men who go down...like really far down. Like below soil level. Clark says she's fine, but that their tractor's not so good. Thus ends the strange segue from MamaKent to a broken tractor. Clark claims that they broke an axle, and asks if Moleman might have a spare pivot pin. Does he! "'Pivot pin'?" growls Moleman. Them's fightin' words! Moleman says that he just might. He offers to go check the barn. Clark looks around. He sees workers and hears them speaking Spanish. Clark tells them, "Excuse me. I'm looking for Francisco." The workers ignore the grande gringo. The man who passed out earlier nods to Clark: "En el arbol grande la cinco." "I'm sorry, I don't understand," Clark replies. You don't understand "grande" or "cinco"? Jeez, Clark. ["Seriously -- I even got that much and I took French." -- Wing Chun] The man repeats the words. "Found one!" bellows Moleman. He brings the precious pivot pin to Clark, still in the wrapper. Clark thanks the man. Moleman asks Clark to give his best to the senator. Clark gets into his truck and leaves as Moleman watches his workers.

MamaKent is in the Kent kitchen, telling someone on the phone that they know how she stands. On two hot legs! She says that their budget issues shouldn't get in the way of a single classroom. MamaKent, wearing a smart red business suit, thanks the person on the phone and promises that he or she won't regret whatever it is they just decided. Clark walks in. MamaKent is all jazzed. Clark is surprisedthat she's home early. MamaKent says that a vote was delayed, but that it's a good thing, because it gives her time to shore up support. She asks if everything is all right. Is it ever with Clark? Just then, a man appears at the door -- a young Latino deputy. MamaKent opens the door and asks if there's a problem. The deputy says that a motorist saw a "Latino boy running across Highway 54. He might be an undocumented worker." That's how white Kansas is: one Latino boy running across the road is cause for a manhunt. Quick, get him! He could get into the water and contaminate us all! The deputy asks whether Clark or MamaKent has seen anyone. MamaKent says that she just got home, and asks Clark. Clark looks guilty as hell, and says it's an awful lot of trouble to catch one person. One out of twelve million , to be precise. "Not if he's in the country illegally," says Deputy Token. He asks to search the farm. Clark asks whether he really has to search the property. MamaKent says it's fine, because they have nothing to hide. Clark offers to go with the deputy.

The Barnness of Anne Frankitude. Clark says that there doesn't seem to be anyone there. Deputy Token says that they have to be thorough. Clark says that the kid isn't hurting anyone, so why not let him be? Token says that he's just doing his job: "If you want to get into the country, you have to do it the legal way. Like my parents did." Did they do it around the time when amnesty was granted in the early 80s? Because that would be very different, dude. The deputy asks Clark to give the cops a call if he sees anything. "Will do, Deputy," Clark lies.

Once Token's left, Clark x-ray-visions a metal closet and sees Javier's skeleton sitting inside. Clark opens the doors. The deputy didn't think to look there? Javier asks how Clark knew he was in there. Clark credits his extensive hide-and-seek experience. Javier asks why Clark didn't nark. Clark says he knows what it's like to be out of place, explaining that he's not from around there. "Where are you from?" Javier asks. Clark says that it's a lot farther than Mexico. The Netherlands? Pretty Peopleland? Clark says that he needs Javier's help. All the workers were afraid to talk at the farm, except one. Clark shows Javier a piece of paper on which he's transcribed what the old dude said: "Arbol Grande 5." I'm amazed that Clark spelled any of that right. He asks the boy to translate. Be especially careful to translate "Grande" and "5." "Big tree five," says Javier. Wow. Awesome. This show is blowing my mind, man. Javier says that there's a huge willow tree at the farm. Clark says that he'll check it out, and tells Javier to stay there. Clark turns to see MamaKent, looking as mad as her red suit. "You're not going anywhere, Clark," she tells him. She looks horrified. Illegal boys! It's awful!

Commercials. Gwen Stefani: has she hit the wall and gone crazy? Discuss.

Trouble at the Kent farm! MamaKent angrily opens the screen door and tells Clark that they have no choice: they have to call Immigration. Or they could just call the deputy who was just there. Clark says that he told the kid he'd be safe, and that he meant it. MamaKent says that she wants to help Javier, but that she took "an oaf." An oaf? You should never take an oaf! Oh...oath. Yes, that's very different. Clark says that the kid is just trying to find his mom. MamaKent says that they have to go through the proper legal channels. Because that usually works in an undocumented immigrant's favor. "Was it legal when you forged my adoption papers?" Clark asks pointedly. Touché, big dumb alien. Clark says that he's an illegal immigrant, and that MamaKent has been harboring him for seventeen years. Why that dirty, immigrant-smuggling whore! MamaKent says that Clark's situation was entirely different, and that she and Bo had to protect him. Clark raises his voice: "I need to protect Javier!" Nyah! Clark asks who'll defend the boy if he doesn't. Someone on this list of Kansas immigration lawyers, maybe? Clark plays the Mom card to convince MamaKent: he says he thought MamaKent would understand. MamaKent looks shocked. Clark says that he'll take the boy to Chloe's and asks for twenty-four hours before she calls the deputy. MamaKent exhales, still in shock. Clark leaves before she can answer. MamaKent shakes her head, pissed.

A very tall willow tree near a farm. Clark walks up to it. The bearded man and a boy are there waiting. Clark thinks the boy is Francisco, at first. But he figures out right away that he's wrong. "La tierra se lo tragó." Clark doesn't understand. The boy translates: "He says the ground swallowed him." Like all the others. The old man says that it's the devil below. Indeed. Clark doesn't ask for a translation. Clark stares at the ground, using his x-ray vision, and sees lots of skeletons down below. Damn. The ground was hungry.

The Talon. The marquee reads, "Monday night mocha madness." It's dusk. Inside, someone's doing a web search for "Laundry Service" in "Granville." It's Chloe. She says that three results came up, and that Javier's mom must be at one of the three businesses. Javier, sitting to her, says that as soon as Clark finds Francisco, they can go find his mom. There's a knock at the door. Chloe tells the kid to write down those addresses while she answers. It's Jimmy "I'm James, Dammit!" Olsen at the door, and he hands Chloe a long-stemmed rose (ouch! Thorns!) and then puts some rose petals into her hand. He says that he's got their romantic date all planned out: dinner, snobby waiters, extra forks, the whole nine. He says that they'll stroll down Main Street, hand-holding optional, and then they'll come back to the apartment "for dessert." At this, he holds up a huge can of whipped cream. Whoa! Jimmy! Dirty! Chloe goes, "Errrr," and looks over at Javier. Javier waves. Boner killer! Jimmy nervously hides the whipped cream and asks about Chloe's friend. She introduces Javier, explaining that he's Clark's friend (what Jimmy must be thinking of that) from Mexico, and that they're hanging out until Clark gets back. Jimmy and Javier smile at each other. "Sorry," Chloe mouths. Jimmy suggests that they get this party started. He does the obligatory White Man's Communication bit where he talks really loudly in order to make his English understood, booming, "Javier! You have not experienced America until you have experienced PEPPERONI...PIZZA!" "Isn't pizza from Italy?" Javier asks. Wonk, wonk, wonk. A white man plays the fool yet again. Jimmy says that's a common misconception, explaining that we came up with the cheese angle. Cheese Angle was my '80s cover band. We played Whitesnake songs. When Jimmy goes to order, Chloe clears her throat and goes back to the computer. "Is that your boyfriend?" Javier asks. Ya think? Chloe looks over her shoulder at Jimmy, beming, "Define 'boyfriend.'" Yep, this episode was definitely out of order for the season.

Clark shows up, entering without knocking, which is another strike against the whipped cream. "Hey," says Clark. Javier asks whether Clark found Francisco. Clark says that he's still working on that. Everyone notices that Clark looks a little shell-shocked. He asks to talk to Chloe for a second, and tells her that the willow tree is a graveyard and that there are bodies everywhere. Javier can sorta hear everything. Clark says that he called the Sheriff, and that he's on his way. Chloe says that she checked farm records and found out what Fortune 500 company generously took over the farm after the meteor showers. (It's LuthorCorp, in case you're wondering.) Clark has to leave again. Guess where he's going.

Stately Luthor Manor, nighttime. One of Lex's guards brings Clark in through the double doors. Lex, leaning against the rail upstairs in the library, says that he thought he said that Clark was no longer a welcome guest at the manor. Yeah, you tell 'im! Clark says that he doesn't want to be there, either. Ever heard of a cell phone? "But after what you've done..." Clark starts. Lex asks what he might have done this time -- swatted a fly with too much force? Clark accuses Lex of exploiting and murdering migrant workers. Oh, Clark, with your accusations. Did it ever occur to you that a giant mole-man might have done that? Clark asks whether that's really worth the bottom line. Lex says that if Clark is going to accuse him of murder, he might want to have the facts to back that up. What are these "facts" you speak of, bald man? Clark says that Lex bought Farmer Moleman's farm last year, and that any immigrant who didn't agree to do labor by force was buried in the cornfield. Lex comes down the stairs, telling Clark, "I don't know what you're talking about." Lex says that he could quote the Farmer's Almanac and Clark would still call him a liar. True dat. "What do you think Lana would do if she found out about this?" Clark asks. All right, Clark, now that's just creepy. You sound like a sketchy, blackmailing ex-boyfriend. Lex scoffs that they could ask her, except she's on her way to Amsterdam on his jet. They don't have a phone on the jet? "I wasn't able to clear my schedule," Lex adds. Clark says that he ratted Lex out to the sheriff, and that he can save his lies for the authorities. Thanks for stopping by! Sign the guestbook on your way out, please.

Talon. Chloe and Jimmy are doing the dishes while Javier paces nervously. "C.K. missed a mean stuffed crust," Jimmy tells Chloe. The sad thing is that, back in the day, a stuffed crust is what Clark would have been getting at Lex's place. Whoa! Nice shirt, Chloe! The Chloevage has returned to take its rightful co-starring role. That shirt is tiiiiight! Jimmy asks where Clark ran off to. Chloe clears her throat and starts to make an excuse. Jimmy says that Chloe doesn't have to cover for him, since he knows why Clark left: "He doesn't like me." He says that he gets it: Clark is madly in love with Chloe, and she's Jimmy's girl. Chloe grins at that, saying that she and Clark are just friends: "That ship is firmly anchored at bay." Does that make her a barge? She says that, with regard to Clark's not liking Jimmy, that's impossible. He is a young gay farmboy drawn to men who know their way around Metropolis. What's not to like? Chloe says that Jimmy makes her happy. Jimmy grins, leaning in for a kiss. Chloe stops Jimmy by reminding him about their company. Put away the whipped cream, dude. Chloe turns. Javier is gone. The window is open, the obligatory sheer curtain blowing. They didn't notice the kid open a window and jump through it?

The back alley. Chloe and Jimmy call after Javier. The kid is chasing a truck, and hops on the back as Chloe yells, "Javier!" Oops! We go to commercials.

The star of Eragon calls the movie "Air-gone" and talks about his dragon in all seriousness. Awesome.

Back to the Talon -- or, "the place where Chloe screwed up just like Lois did last season by losing a kid." Hey, I just noticed that cool wallpaper! Chloe is talking to Clark on the phone, telling him he needs to get there as soon as possible. Before she can finish the words, Clark has whooshed over and is opening the front door. "Where's Javier?" Clark asks, before realizing that rhymes. Awesome! Chloe says that she's soooo sorry, but that he disappeared. Like, "ran off" disappeared, or "spooky powers" disappeared? Chloe says that Jimmy is off looking for him. Clark, annoyed, says, "All I did was ask you to watch him." Chloe, not so smartly, says that she pleads guilty to child negligence in every degree. The child negligence flip remark, Chloe? Not so cute. Chloe says that the kid jumped onto a truck and disappeared. That seems to go against saying you turned around in your living room and he was gone. Clark looks toward the window, and then seems to make an important decision. He'll take action! Good decision, Clark.

Dusty hands. Someone wearing surgical gloves is brushing dirt off of poor Francisco's face. He's got to be a good actor not to notice that it tickles. A team of doctors, or perhaps chip-factory workers, is excavating bodies from the mass burial site. They're all wearing white chip-factory bunny suits and white masks. I wonder if these dead bodies are dual-processor capable. Sheriff's deputies stand around, and there's a single ambulance in the background near the willow tree. Clark arrives, and nobody minds that he and Jimmy are just inches away from the dead bodies. A lone piece of crime-scene tape weakly tries to keep people out, saying, "Hey. You. No, don't come in here, please don't, awwwww. Dude. Not cool." Jimmy, his press badge clipped to his shirt collar (huh!?), is taking photos, and asks Clark, "Any luck?" Yes, Clark has luck every week, pretty much. Clark says that he's been looking all night but hasn't found Javier. Jimmy wonders whether any of the bodies there is Francisco's. Clark stares at Francisco's body. Yeah, that would be him.

Clark calls over Deputy Token Morales, and asks whether any of the bodies has been identified yet. Token, holding a cloth that he half-heartedly uses to stifle the smell, says that they appear to be undocumented workers. You can tell because they're still trying to work even while dead and buried. He says that all their papers were forged, and that when they went missing, the others were too scared to report anything. Clark asks what'll happen to the others. "They'll be detained," says Token, "and sent back to their country of origin." He says "origin" like "are-a-gin." Token adds that, thanks to Clark's tip, Farmer Moleman can't hurt anyone else. Two deputies are carrying Moleman over to a police car, asking if there are any more fields they should check and suggesting that he tell them now. Clark unwisely approaches. "That boy who got away -- he got to you, didn't he?" Moleman asks, in his gravelly voice. That's a bit skeevy, dude. Mind your own beeswax. Clark asks why he did it. Moleman says that desperate times call for desperate measures. Yes, but are these murderous times? "This farm is my livelihood," he monologues. Clark asks why he brought in slave laborers and then killed them. "I wasn't about to let a couple of lazy potato pickers turn me in," Moleman replies. First of all..."lazy"? Secondly, that insult could have been a lot worse. Moleman yells that Clark and "that boy" will pay for catching him. Cool. Just send an invoice over. There are probably some farm subsidy grants, too. Token tells them to take the dude away. Moleman elbows the two deputies just as Clark and Token are walking away. Moleman grits his teeth and burrows right into the ground. We don't actually see it -- we just cut to a small hole in the ground without much displaced dirt around it. With a name like "Moleman," how could we have foreseen that this would happen!? Everyone looks down into the hole. Instead of special effects, this episode tries weird angles. We see everyone looking down at us from the point of view of the hole. Roots move around. It's about as terrifying as your aunt's begonias.

Lair of Lex. On his laptop, Lex is watching the willow-tree massacre site excavation. This is a classy dig: it's even letterboxed. A man enters the room. Lex looks at him over his laptop, not seeming too happy about anything, and lays into him immediately. He says that when he told the guy to keep track of Farmer Moleman, he expected to hear about trifling details like mass murder. I am starting to think that Lex is being sarcastic. So evil! "Sir, I had no idea that he was killing his workers," says the employee. God, this sounds like an average day at the office for me. Lex advises the guy (who is a doctor) to get a stronger prescription for his glasses. Aw, Lex. You hurt the guy's feelings. He doesn't make fun of your bald head, does he? "They found corpses on that farm!" Lex hollers. The guy removes his glasses (again, not so cute in an episode featuring a mass immigrant grave) and says that all he knew was that the meteors gave Farmer Moleman the ability to displace minerals and burrow through earth. Like a man of moleness! Lex says that he didn't spend millions in research to have the test subject end up in jail. Jeez, how many projects does Lex have going at the same time? That seems like a huge waste of money unless Lex plans never to buy a shovel again. Lex tells his doctor to find Moleman before the authorities do. The doctor says that the man could be anywhere. "Then I suggest you start digging!" Lex commands. Sadly, the doctor also has shovel-shaped feet, so he's feeling awful low right now with all the insults. Lex is a terrible boss.

Nice flying shot over The Daily Planet. Inside, Chloe is wearing another alarmingly tight top to work. Clark shows up and tells her about the Moleman's escape. Chloe says that make sense, because she's discovered that he's "100% certified meteor freak." Nice. She says she found a story saying that their Moleman was buried underneath a mountain of Krytponite. How did Clark not hear about that when it happened? "That's why he went missing for three days," says Clark. Oh, this is just too hilarious. Clark never though to ask his neighbor about that? And never heard about the startling resolution to his disappearance? This show is so dumb sometimes. Or maybe it's just Clark. Chloe says that burrowing must help the farm: in the last year and a half, Moleman's farm has tripled productivity. Slave labor helps, too. Chloe has also figured out that the guy was his own border patrol, killing off workers so that they wouldn't tell the authorities. Clark can't believe that the guy who used to fish with his dad is now a murderer. Chloe says that Kryptonite can easily turn someone into a serial killer. Chloe suddenly picks up something on her police scanner. It's about a Hispanic person, about eighteen years old. It's in Granville. Chloe starts to talk, but Clark whooshes out before she can finish her thought. That's really got to be annoying for her. Why would her police scanner pick up Granville, but not be full of stuff happening in Metropolis that would drown it out? Best not to think about it.

Granville. A man is pulling Javier out of the cargo area of a bus that was headed for Granville. Javier, his shirt still unbuttoned, says that he was trying to get to his mom. Clark whooshes in to help, saying, "Leave him alone." The bus guy tells Clark to mind his own business. "He is my business," says Clark. He's getting into the immigrant-smuggling game? A sheriff's department car drives up, siren blaring. Clark whooshes out of the scene, taking Javier with him. The man from the bus company looks around: "What the...?"

Clark puts Javier down after having carried him to his truck, parked far away. Javier asks how he did that. Clark asks him to promise that he won't tell anyone else about his powers. Shouldn't you have asked him that before you showed him what you can do? Javier says not to worry, and that he's become an expert at keeping secrets. Sure, kid. Just learn some Spanish, all right? Clark smiles and tells Javier to get into the truck. They get into the vehicle, which somehow warrants a dramatic closing sound as we go to commercials.

Soup commercials have gotten way too manly. Just sayin'.

Chloe and Jimmy show up in Granville in a little blue car that doesn't look at all like Chloe's. As they get out, Chloe tells Jimmy that she bets visiting laundry places isn't his idea of a dream date. He says that he wouldn't rule it out: the towels can be used for cushioning. Holy horndog! Cool it, Jimmy! This show has to air on the ABC Family Network! Chloe asks a group of women exiting a building if they know Esperanza. They're all wearing outfits like the one Catalina wears on My Name is Earl. One of them walks away. Jimmy, wearing a brown retro shirt, asks if she's the one. Chloe mentions Javier's name, and suddenly Mom (who doesn't look a day over twenty-five) brightens up: "He's in A-mer-ica?" Well, it's obvious Javier didn't get his accent from her. Chloe tells the woman that Javier is at a friend's house, and that they can take her. "Jess!" Mom tells them. No, Jess is at someone else's house. It doesn't occur to her at all that she shouldn't accept rides from complete strangers in a country where she is undocumented.

Clark is driving. "Great, you found her!" he says into his cell phone, which he sometimes seems to own and sometimes doesn't. Clark tells Javier that Mom is on the way. Javier can't believe that, after two years, he'll get to see her. Smiles all around. As they pass a field, Javier starts to look sad. He says that Clark never told him about Francisco. He pleads to know what happened. Clark tells Javier that his buddy is dead and that the sheriff IDed his body. Clark says he knows it's tough, and that he's lost people close to him, too. Javier asks Clark to stop the car. No, Javier -- in America, it's a truck. Or, "Troka". Clark pulls over. Javier runs into Moleman's farm entrance, Clark following. "Javier!" Clark calls. He tells Javier that he has to get him out of there. Javier regrets taking his friend with him. Clark uses his sad eyes. Javier yanks off his necklace. Stupid necklace! "Why didn't I give this to Francisco?" Javier asks himself. Because you were gonna sell it for bread money? Clark tells him it's not his fault. Now repeat it ten times then give him a hug as he backs away. Clark tells Javier that they'll go see his mom. Suddenly, a dirt explosion takes out Clark. Javier is covered in dust. "Clark!" he calls. Something in the field moves, with a loud rumble, toward Javier, who runs away. The shape continues. Javier stumbles and falls. Before the dust cloud can overtake Javier, it spits out a body. The gurgling stops. Javier sees Farmer Moleman lying on the ground, breathing hard. Clark, dirty, walks over. Hero! Without much effort. Javier smiles at Clark. Clark finds the necklace right there on the ground, even though Javier ran away from it. Clark hands over the necklace. More deep looks of admiration between the boy and the man-child. For lack of any competition, it's the Gayest Look of the Episode. Let's get out of here. (I hope somebody's taking care of the Moleman, by the way.)

Kent Farm. The cows moo in agreement that this episode should end soon. Clark and his dirty ward enter through the kitchen. MamaKent should be yelling at them for tracking in all this dust. Javier's mom is there, and she gasps and hugs her son. MamaKent smiles. How's your immigration policy now? Javier's mom asks what happened. "Clark saved me," says Javier. Clark says that Javier should get to a hospital to get checked out. Gee, I wonder which one they'll go to. Javier says they can't. Because they're illegal. Thank the Lord. MamaKent says that she hopes they won't have to worry about that: she's trying to get their family legal status. Now, I'm glad she's doing this, but if you're all the other undocumented workers who don't have a senator helping you personally, I imagine you'd be a little annoyed here. Clark asks if MamaKent can really do that. MamaKent says that she's working on it. She opens up a First Aid Kit, saying that she's been talking to the boy's mom, and he seems like an amazing kid. Amazingly acculturated. She says that she'd be proud to see him as a citizen someday. So if he wasn't a great kid, he'd be on his way back to Mexico on a bus? Clark asks about MamaKent's position as a senator. She says that sometimes, when you deal with extraordinary people, you need to take a risk. Clark smiles. MamaKent says she learned that lesson from her son. It's one of very few lessons she's learned from him.

Luthor Manor. Lex, all in black, is playing the piano. With Lana gone, I was hoping for the theme from Risky Business, but it is not to be. Lana, wearing a disturbing red top with a bow at the collar, enters. Lex didn't know she was coming? Still sitting, Lex kisses her hand and asks about her trip. Lana says that she was a small-town Kansas girl with a presidential suite and a limousine at her beck and call. Yes, but how was the trip? Amsterdam. You know, the one in Europe? She says that it was definitely a change. A change from living in a castle? Lex says he's sorry if she felt uncomfortable. Lana says that she wasn't -- it was amazing. "It's easy to get used to, isn't it?" Lex asks. Lana was impressed that two thousand people lined up for that exhibit, and that the ocean parted, letting her go straight to the front. I'll bet Lana's a joy to watch at Sea World. Lana says she realized that money isn't just luxury; it's power. Welcome to money, Lana. Lex thinks about that, wondering why he asked someone so slow to marry him. Going into game-show-host mode, Lex says, "And that power can be yours too now." All for the low, low price of your eternal soul! Lana says, "Think of all the good we can do in the world." Or all the bad they can do in bed. Lana smiles, saying she knows where she wants to start. She pulls out a copy of the Daily Planet. The front-page headline is about the immigrant-smuggling ring. It says that Smallville is seeking an action plan to help migrant workers. Lex half-smiles, but says nothing.

Commercials. In case you weren't aware, advertisers would like to remind you that it is the holiday season and time for you go get off your lazy ass and buy some gifts already.

Daily Planet. Upstairs, Jimmy is telling Chloe about a fabulous one-bedroom apartment (DSL-ready?) with a sprawling view of downtown. He's asking Chloe to move in with him? Dude! Slow it down, brown! Oh, wait, Jimmy's white. My bad. He asks if that doesn't scream "Chloe Sullivan." Chloe says that she's not screaming for a place to live. Oh, was that place just supposed to be for Chloe? Chloe tells Jimmy, as they come down the stairs, that she has an apartment. I thought that apartment belonged to Lois and Chloe was just sleeping on the couch. Chloe says that her roommate may blast Metallica in the bathroom, but that she's happy there. Isn't school starting back up? I have no idea how Chloe thinks she should still be living in Smallville. It's sad when they make her as dumb as the rest of the show. As a large fan blows nearby (because it's December), Jimmy tells Chloe that he's not comfortable having a girlfriend living in a place surrounded by murderous freaks. He doesn't bring up her awful commute. Chloe says that she's been living in that town for ten years (which is wrong), and that she's still standing. Jimmy says that she must have one dedicated guardian angel. (Someone must have talked to Chloe about her shirts, because now she's wearing a top with a very high collar.) She says that the town gave her some of the best stories in the world. Jimmy teases that her looks might have had something to do with it. Oh, you! Chloe snorts.

Chloe and Jimmy are about to kiss when Clark, standing behind them, interrupts. He asks if they're still on the clock. Oh, shut it, Clark. You're not even supposed to be in the building. "C.K.!" says Jimmy. He wanted to talk to Clark. As Clark looks frightened, Jimmy says that he has to get something out in the open. God, I hope it's not his penis. Jimmy says he knows Clark has issues with him. Clark stands, unsure what he means. As Chloe looks embarrassed, Jimmy says he knows about the whole Jimmy + Chloe thing, and how it bothers Clark, but that he's about working through it: "You play hoops?" Clark looks to Chloe to see if this guy's for real. Jimmy says that they'll go play some one-on-one and leave it out on the court: "Cuz I'm your bro, not your foe." Chloe stifles a laugh. Jimmy holds out a fist. "Ring that bell," he advises Clark. Clark taps the fist with his own. "There it is," says Jimmy. Fine. One good moment in a suck fiesta.

Jimmy walks off. Chloe loses it and asks Clark not to ask her any follow-up questions. Clark compliments Chloe on her byline. Her story on the front page (down and to the left) has the headline, "Cornfield killer nabbed." "Nabbed," see? Chloe says that the story wouldn't have had a happy ending if not for Clark. Clark looks glum. Chloe tries to remind him of all the good he just did. She says that there are only so many hours in the day. "See, that's the thing," says Clark. Oh, great. Now he's mopey about the existence of time. Clark says that he can't solve the world's problems. Chloe says that she doesn't know anyone who does more for this world than he does. What about Bono? Oprah? The iPod? Clark has to think about that. It's hard to do.

Back at the farm. The cows have been in the episode three times, and they're starting to crack from the pressure. Clark is sawing something with an electric circular saw. He's not wearing safety goggles, which is a nice touch, given that he doesn't need them. Lana, still wearing her billowy red top, walks in behind Clark. "Clark!" says Lana. It's like she wants him to cut off a finger, trying to scare him like that. Clark says he thought she was in Amsterdam. She says she's back. Lana asks whether MamaKent is around. Lana couldn't go to the front door? Clark says that MamaKent is in Topeka. Lana says that she brought some paperwork for her, and asks whether she should leave it in the house. Clark offers to take it, saying it must be important if Lana is hand-delivering it herself. Lana says that LuthorCorp wants to sponsor all the workers and give them jobs at the plant. In ultra-snotty mode, Clark says, "You realize the only reason Lex is doing this is to wash his hands of it." Whatadick. Lana says that Lex had no idea what was happening at that farm. Which, it seems, is true to some degree. "Lana, you don't believe that," Clark tells her. "Unlike some people I know, Lex doesn't lie to me," Lana fires back. Whack! Full point, Lana. Clark says that Lex wants his name cleared of murder and slavery, so he sends a messenger to do his clean-up work. Lana says that she's not Lex's messenger, and that this was her idea. Still not raising her voice, Lana says that she resents Clark for thinking she's Lex's puppet to manipulate. Clark backtracks, claiming he didn't mean it like that. Lana says that's exactly what Clark meant. She gives him a sad look and walks away. Clark sighs. It's so hard being so self-righteous, isn't it, Clark? Tinkly music starts to play.

We go right into music-video mode. The song "Prelude 12/21" by AFI plays as we cut to a lab. The doctor from Lex's office is looking over the shirtless body of Farmer Moleman. He tells Lex, who is standing nearby, that the farmer is in a low-level coma. The music booms: "Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep." Lex tells the doctor to put him with the others. The music goes into a choir-sounding chorus. We zoom in on Farmer Moleman's dirty fingers. Lex walks in slow motion down a narrow hallway with cells on each side. Hands reach out to Lex from the cells as he keeps walking. The fluorescent lights flicker overhead as Lex walk toward a door. I know this is supposed to look all bad-ass and all, and I guess it does, but it screams "overly art-directed." The door slams behind Lex. A sign on the door reads "33.1." We go to blackout. The song goes all twinkly again.

That's it! Happy holidays, pals. I'll see you in January when Clark forms a Tupperware party made up of past D.C. Comics guest stars. They call it "Justice." I call it, "Work, Round 2."