Lex attends a ten-year reunion of his Excelsior prep school, with Oliver and other tormenting classmates in attendance. In flashbacks (by the way, Smallville, you could learn a lot from Lost about how to handle flashbacks gracefully), we learn that Lex had one friend in school -- a nerdy kid named Duncan who shared a love of comic books and was poor. Lex and Duncan were bullied by Oliver (in full-on Malfoy mode) and two of his thug buddies. It turns out that when it came time to bust the three for cheating after catching them in the act, Duncan wanted to turn them in, while Lex wanted to use the information to force them into a weird friendship to become popular and accepted. Lex ends up beating the crap out of Duncan in the argument, and when the kid backs away, BOOM! He gets hit by a car. Thus, he's dead and everyone is sad and regretful, even Oliver. At the reunion, one of Oliver's buddies is impaled by a falling statue. Then, later, another buddy is killed by a car explosion. Then Lana, Lex, and Oliver are almost taken out by exploding glass. It turns out Duncan didn't die; he was kept alive by Papa Luthor to be experimented on after falling into a coma. But the latest treatment (Kryptonite, of course) has made the boy capable of astral projection and telekinesis. No joke. Lois, Clark, and Chloe investigate and find the poor kid trying to get his brain revenge on. He dies when one of Oliver's arrows, which shoots an electromagnetic pulse, fries his brain. He dies. In other news, Chloe and Clark try to track down escapees from the Phantom Zone, and Clark discovers that Raya made it out. And in a final note, Lois drops the badly chosen word "retarded" when referring to Clark's theory that there are good secrets, opening up a discussion that I will only refer to as "Retardedgate."
Yay! Closed Captions are back! You can also stop your letter-bombing campaigns on my behalf to the San Antonio CW station. You did remember to send those angry letters, right? Right?
A title card on black reads "EXCELSIOR ACADEMY, OCTOBER 26, 1999." Ooh, ten years ago today. Ominous. Whenever this show goes into the past or the supposed future, they use the High-Contrast Lens Filter of Psychological Trauma. It is used here to make very bright a normal-looking high-rent boys' school.
The camera glides gracefully across the front of the school as young men in prep school uniforms walk around talking about the pranks they pulled on Dobby the House Elf the night before. Someone asks another kid why Warrior Angel and Black Diamond are fighting since they were once friends. We spot the cover of a Warrior Angelcomic book. Black Diamond (who has hair) is punching a dude with wings (Warrior Angel, bald) across the mouth. Two boys are walking. One of them has short dark hair. The other, Young Lex Luthor, is wearing a black cap to cover his shame. "Didn't you read issue #126?" Lex asks the other boy. The boy says that he didn't have money that week. He asks what happened. Lex starts explaining that Black Diamond's father is a supervillain and that in that issue, Warrior Angel has to take the dude down. Apparently, an accident kills the father and -- hey, I was listening to that! A cocky young firebrand with bright blonde hair (young Oliver Queen!) snatches the comic out of Lex's young hand. Other boys nearby chuckle with glee. Young Ollie stares down Young Lex. He calls them, "Weirdo Angel and his trusty sidekick Grease Spot." Ha ha, Grease Spot! Oh, damn! Now I, too, have become a bully. "Give it back, Ollie," Young Lex says. "That's Mr. Queen to you, little man," Ollie says. He's got Young Keifer Sutherland facial expressions and Older Oliver's cleft chin. Lex's friend, whom we learn is named Duncan, tells Young Lex that it's all right; he'll get another comic. One of Ollie's sidekicks mocks Duncan, teasing that he can't get another one. "Oh yeah, that's right," Ollie's second sidekick interjects, "His Mommy doesn't have any money. That's why he's on scholarship." Young Lex tells Young Geoffrey and Young Alden to shut up. He tells "Mr. Queen" to give the comic back. Ollie says sure -- he offers to make it a two-parter. He holds up the comic book and rips it in half. Lex dives for it. He gets pushed down for his troubles. Young Lex's cap falls off. He looks around, embarrassed. "Nice haircut, Cue Ball," one of the boys says. Duncan helps Lex up and hands him his cap. Ollie says "these girls" aren't even worth it. There are even slightly cuter girls at Wellesley! He and his crew walk away. One of them calls Lex a loser as they go. Young Lex is fuming. A school bell rings. "One day, I'm gonna get those guys," Lex says as they walk up some stairs. The camera pans up to a statue sitting atop the main building.
Tiny blackout and then we're in the present day. We see the back of Modern Lex's head as he looks up at the same building. There are more flowers and ivy around in the present day. Lana walks up to Lex. She says that they had a stuffed crow at Smallville High and that this is quite a bit different. She's wearing a very nice red dress. Lex is in a suit. Around them, people are dressed similarly. Lex tells Lana that in this case, he'd prefer the crow. So would Satan. Lana asks Lex why he'd come to "this thing," which looks like a class reunion. Lex says that some deep-pocketed people went to his school and that these alumni socials are good for making business contacts. "Then let's be social so we can get the hell out of here," Lana says sneakily, giving Lex a sly grin. You minx! "Lana! Your billionaire dragged you to this thing, too?" asks a grating now-all-too-familiar voice. It's Lois Lane, wearing a strapless dress that looks like it was made for falling off. She's also wearing a four-strand-deep pearl necklace. She's here for her twenty-year reunion, maybe. "Oliver's here?" Lex asks. Lois ignores Lex and talks about how putting pubescent boys in jackets and filling them with pomp and circumstance is a sure recipe for Lord Of The Flies. How incredibly insightful you are, Lois. Could you please leave now? Oliver walks up, saying that he thinks they all turned out all right. Lex is unhappy to see him. Crabbe and Goyle, er, I mean, Geoffrey and Alden, show up to Oliver. Lex says that he can only speak for himself. He stares at Lana, making her seem uncomfortable being the trophy girl in this particular pissing contest. Lex asks, "How's business?" Alden says, "Not as good as you, but, hey." Hey! Lois asks if they're all friends. "Something like that," Lex says coldly. Geoffrey remarks about the gang being all here. "Except for Duncan," says Alden as he drinks his hard liquor. Lex didn't like that remark. "Who's Duncan?" Lana asks. For that matter, who's Johnny? Oliver tells Alden to lay off the drinks. Alden tries to say that they were all thinking it, but Oliver cuts him off. "Yeah, whatever. Good to see you, Lex," Alden says as he walks off to go drive into Lake Chappaquiddick. "You did all right for yourself," he tells Lex sleazily as he looks at Lana while walking away. Lex looks incredibly uncomfortable.
Alden, walking up the steps outside the main building, grabs another drink from a serving tray. "Duncan, if you were here, you'd still be a loser," he says, toasting to no one in particular. From the statue overhead, a piece of stone falls and lands right in front of him. Guests near Alden gasp. Lana and Lois notice. "Oh, my God," Lana says. They start to walk over. Geoffrey and Oliver show up. Lex asks if Alden is all right. "Just missed me," Alden says. We look up at the statue. The hand of the statue, holding a sword, detaches. It falls down. Flips off a ledge. Alden says it must be his lucky day. Wait for it.... Alden looks up. The sword impales him right the fuck through the chest! Ouchamon! Lex winces. Overhead shot. We go straight to the opening credits. I wonder if he lived by the sword.
Commercials. Harsh Times actually looks pretty good
Lair of Lex. Lex, holding a drink in the dark, is staring at a uniform badge from his old school. Papa Luthor magnificently appears in the doorway. He says that he heard what happened and asks, "Are you all right, son?" Looking pained, Lex says that it's nothing a little dry cleaning won't cure. "That's distasteful, Lex, even for you," Papa spits. Lex, maybe a little drunk, tells him, "What can I say? It's a nice suit." Lex asks whether he should muster some tears for someone he wasn't close to. He says that he'll save his tears for someone who deserves them. Papa says he knows Lex's school years weren't easy. He advises that the best way to deal with haunting memories is to leave them behind and bury them in the past. Lex purses his lips. "Along with everything else, right, Dad?" Papa says that he's glad Lex is all right and starts to say that if Lex needs anything he can call, but Lex cuts him off with an, "I won't." Papa rubs his mouth and exits. On his way out, he says that perhaps "Miss Lang" will have more luck comforting Lex. He asks Lex to give her his regards. Lex raises his glass as an answer. Lex pulls the badge from his pocket. There's blood on it. The tympanis thunder. A whoosh takes us to black, then another flashback.
School days. It's nighttime. Nobody at Excelsior believes in electrical lighting. Lex and Duncan are walking down some stairs. Duncan asks what Lex will do when he gets out of school. "College, I guess," Lex says. "Then what?" Duncan asks. Lex says that his father wants him to run the family business. Duncan asks Lex whether he'll do it. "Hell no," Young Lex says. "I can't stand the old bastard." That's "Old Magnificent Bastard" to you, young man. Lex asks about Duncan. Duncan says he'll help people like Warrior Angel. If you're gonna base your life on a comic, couldn't it be Richie Rich? Lex tells Duncan that he should hit the gym because Spandex is tough to pull off. Duncan says he doesn't mean the cape and stuff; he wants to be a doctor or lawyer or something. "Lawyer?" Lex asks. Duncan says he'd work pro bono for the poor. And be poor himself, I guess. Young Lex tells him not to let his dad hear that. He says Papa Luthor thinks "poverty" is just another word for "lazy." Duncan asks what Lex thinks. Young Lex says it would drive his dad nuts if he got a job working with the poor. "Got room for a partner?" Lex asks. "Allenmeyer and Luthor?" Duncan suggests. "Luthor and Allenmeyer," Lex corrects. It's awfully cute. Duncan, thrilled, grins and says, "Deal!" They shake hands. They start to walk again. Duncan says all they have to do now is graduate in one piece. Fun!
As they're walking, Lex suddenly stops short, putting his hand on Duncan's chest (hey, watch it with that hand, Costanza) and goes, "Oh, shhhh!" They see Ollie and his two pals come out of a classroom door, thrilled to have acquired what can only be a super-secret answer key to an upcoming test. One that a teacher just left lying around. They say things like, "This is too cool" and, "Nobody saw us!" Guys, keep the interior monologue interior when you're breaking the rules. Lex and Duncan, who were hiding in a nearby room as the goons passed, come back out. Lex says that they're stealing answers to the midterms. Ya think? Quick blackout and back to the present.
Lex continues staring at the bloody badge. These are not good memories for m'boy.
Kent farm at night. Oh, my God, we're roasting! Oven's-eye view of MamaKent opening the door and looking in to see a very fatty-looking pot roast. Nice red bakeware, though. She pulls out the roast and puts it aside as Chloe, standing behind her in a fetching white shirt, tells MamaKent that she doesn't have to go to all this trouble. MamaKent says that Chloe can't live on coffee three meals a day. Chloe says she sometimes sneaks in a blueberry muffin into her diet. "What, that has a food group in it!" Chloe tries. Clark is standing nearby tossing a salad. I've never noticed it before, but Clark really seems to have a talent and affinity for tossing salad. I bet when he leaves the farm and goes off on his own, he'll be tossing salad all the time as he lives his bachelor life. He's going to be the most popular guy in Metropolis with those salad-tossing skills. Clark tells Chloe, "Barely!" and this is all very cozy with Clark, Chloe and MamaKent hanging out.
Clark asks Chloe whether she has found anything new, but he isn't very specific. It's all right; Chloe speaks Dumb Alien. She says there've been mysterious occurrences all over the world. She pulls out a red folder and hands it to Clark, saying, "It's like the Wall of Weird went global." Yekshimash! Chloe says the worst attack was on a small village in the Kashmir region of India. Apparently, a Led Zeppelin song tore the place apart. She says the entire village was nearly destroyed. Clark has lost his appetite for salad tossing. He reads from the folder and says that the villagers saw something fall from the sky the night before. It was an old UPN satellite. Clark says that night was the same night he escaped from the Phantom Zone. MamaKent comes to the table where Clark and Chloe are sitting and asks if he thinks something else escaped. "Like that park ranger," Chloe says. Chloe suggests that she and Clark go to the Fortress to see if Jarnelle can help track down the "Zoners." Yeah, I tried to hang out with the Zoners in high school, but they were so fake, man. Chloe has got some big hair issues this week. She has Soccer Mom Hair. "Zoners?" Clark asks. Chloe says that "escaped super criminals from the Phantom Zone" is a bit of a mouthful. So's Clark. Clark says the Fortress is dead and that there's no way to contact Jarnelle. Clark mutters that he should have listened to his dad. Chloe asks what he would have done; would he have killed Lex to get Zod out of his body? "You're not a murderer, Clark," MamaKent says reassuringly. I beg to differ, but whatever. Clark says that the people in that Indian village might have died because of his actions and adds that he needs to know for sure. Well, why don't you run your ass to India and go see? Chloe says they need to find more crater impacts like the one Clark made when he came back from the Zone. She says their best bet would be to find satellite images. MamaKent says all the satellites were down on Dark Thursday. Chloe says that a few owned by Queen Industries were still operational. If she can get access codes to the satellites, she might be able to see what came down before the village attack. "Oliver Queen still owes me one," Clark says. Chloe doesn't think to ask why that would be. Clark says that it's time to collect.
Metropolis. The back exit of a hospital where an ambulance, siren blaring, is taking off. Geoffrey, Oliver and Lois are walking out. Geoffrey is pontificating on the meaning of it all and what it's like to see a friend laid out on a table. "At least they say he didn't suffer," Lois offers. Geoffrey thinks it didn't tickle, either. Oliver says that Alden called him a month before and asked to go out for a drink, but Oliver blew him off. Lois says that Oliver couldn't have known this would happen. Geoffrey says that it's more reason to live for today. Carpe dumb! He asks Oliver to keep in touch. Lois suggests they get together while Geoffrey's in town. Geoffrey looks uncomfortable. Lois asks about Duncan and whether he lives in Metropolis. Awkward looks. "Not anymore," Oliver says. Geoffrey begs off, saying he has to get back to Gotham. He tells Oliver that he's got a great gal there (liar!) and not to screw it up. Geoffrey walks toward a waiting limo. The chauffer is smoking a ciggie and drops it on the ground before opening the door for him. Right there you know something's up. We pan down to the pavement beneath the limo. The car is dripping gas. Oliver waves bye. The gas flows toward the cigarette. Lois tells Oliver that he's got a smart friend. "I'm all ears," Oliver says. The gasoline catches fire and burns a trial to the limo. It explodes, pushing Lois and Oliver forward. Somehow, Lois stays in her dress. Fire! Oliver stares, frightened.
Commercials. Oh man, you don't even want to know how many Ford F-150 commercials I've seen. I know the words to the damn songs in the commercials, people. "Ford is the best in TEXAS!"
Metropolis. Oliver's clock tower building. Inside, it's gay disco night with some Evanescence-sounding ethereal crap. Oliver is using his bow and arrow, aiming at a target across the room. He closes his eyes. Lets go. The arrow flies across the room. Clark, suddenly appearing in Members Only blue jacket gear, catches it in midair. That's exactly who Oliver was thinking about when he closed his eyes! "Clark!" Oliver says happily. He says he was wondering if his security system would keep someone like Clark out. Now you know. "Looks like you need an upgrade," Clark says. Yeah, one powered by green rocks. Oliver says that maybe he needs to learn how to knock. All of a sudden, Oliver's place has replaced Lex's castle as the choice place to barge in unannounced. Oliver tells Clark that he can keep the arrow (and he should know where to stick it). Oliver says he's got a new one. He opens a metal case and pulls out a gnarly looking one. Oliver says that he was trying to develop a boxing glove arrow (ha!) and then decided to try something a little fancier. Clark just stares. Oliver pulls on the bow. Aims for the CD player across the room, which is not so much rich as it is ordered from the Sharper Image catalog. And yes, please kill the music. Oliver fires. A giant force field appears, shutting off the music and then disappearing. Oliver says that it was an electromagnetic pulse, knocking out everything within an eight-foot radius. He says it'll knock out cameras, laser systems...pacemakers. Oliver says that last one was a joke. Ha ha GASP! Oliver grins. "I'm laughing on the inside," Clark says. He also acts on the inside. Oliver says maybe they'll get lucky one day (gay!) and it'll bubble to the surface (gayer!). Staring intently, Oliver asks Clark to what he owes this pleasure (Gayest Look of the Episode!). Clark asks about Queen Industries. Oh, girlfriend! Clark lies that Chloe is doing a story about Dark Thursday and that she needs satellite images from that day to see the global effect of the disaster. Clark asks how Oliver managed to keep his satellites working that day. Oliver says that's a trade secret. From the ancient Chinese. He offers to give Chloe the access codes to the grid archive if Clark does a favor for him. Start kneeling, farmboy. Oliver wants Clark to help him figure out how Lex caused the "accidental" deaths of two of his friends. If Lex caused them, they wouldn't be accidental, would they? Clark asks if he thinks Lex killed them. Oliver says that he's known Lex a lot longer; he's seen who Lex really is. Blackout to flashback.
There's smoke outside the Excelsior Academy building. Young Lex and Young Duncan exit as the camera tracks them. Was that supposed to be mist? Fog? It's daylight, people. Lex is trying to reason with Duncan about rethinking something. "What's there to think about?" Duncan asks. Duncan plans to tell the headmaster about the cheating to get Oliver and his buddies expelled. Lex tries to stop him; he thinks it would be better to keep the information and use it to keep the guys from messing with them. Lex wants to force the bullies to act like their friends so they can have some respect. Duncan's head looks like it's going to explode. "You don't...pretend to be friends with someone, Lex. You either are or you aren't." Ah, the days before reality TV shows took off. Duncan says he's going to turn them in. Straight ahead, Oliver, Geoffrey and Alden are waiting. Oliver says that he thought Lex was going to handle this. Duncan, shocked, turns back to Young Lex. "You told them?" he asks. Lex spins around him in strange blocking. He says that this is their chance to stop being outsiders. Duncan says he never felt like an outsider as long as he had Lex as a friend. Aw. Duncan tries to walk past Lex, but Young Lex stops him. Duncan gets past him, but Oliver is right there, pushing him back. Young Lex grabs Duncan by the arms and tells him to shut up and everything will be all right. Duncan screams for Lex to get off of him. He pushes Lex away. Lex, angry, rushes Duncan from behind and pushes him into a tree. Duncan hits the tree and lands hard. As Oliver and Co. egg him on, Lex straddles Duncan and starts punching him in the face. "Why do you have to be such a loser?" Lex screams as he keeps punching, "why can't you be like everybody else?" Dude, it's harsh. Sudden blackout.
Back to the present. Lex, lying to the perpetually going fireplace, wakes up. Lana, reading nearby, asks if he's all right. Lex says it was a bad dream. Lana asks what it was about. Lex lies, saying that he doesn't remember. Lana says that it's all right to be upset; someone just died in front of him. Lex goes straight for the Scotch. He says maybe Alden finally got what he deserved. "How can you say that about your friend?" Lana asks. Lex says he only had one friend in school and it wasn't Alden. Lana asks if Lex wants to talk about it. "Not really," he says. He tells Lana he's all right and not to worry.
Lex puts down the Scotch decanter, but it falls off the table and onto the carpet. Lana smiles. Lex says that at least it didn't break. He bends down to pick it up, but it suddenly rolls across the floor. Poltergeist! Carol Anne! Lex creeps forward. He slowly reaches for the decanter, saying there's nothing to worry about. Lex picks up the container. "See?" he says. Suddenly all the lights start to flicker. "Lex," Lana says, worriedly. A hanging light fixture that looks a little like the one in the entrance to my house (only mine has squiggly metal lines going up above it) suddenly breaks off and falls, shattering on the floor. Lex and Lana dive away just in time. Lana, who seems to have hit her head on the floor, has her fiftieth concussion. Yay, free ice cream! She's unconscious. Lex cradles her head and looks ahead dramatically.
Commercials. Frankie the cat is damned cute. And he deserves Iams.
Smallville Medical Center. If I wrote fanfic, this is where I'd set it. Lex and CuteLadyDoctor walk through a hallway. Apparently Lana is in serious, but stable condition. Her CAT scan was negative: yes it's true -- Lana has no pussy. CuteDoc says that a couple of days rest and Lana will be fine. By, like, Thursday. Lex says that he'll be sure Lana gets rest. Clark, holding his red jacket and wearing a blue T-shirt, confronts Lex in the hall. "Where's Lana?" Clark demands. Dude. You're the ex-boyfriend. You need to call ahead first or not show up at all. Clark approaches the room door, saying that he wants to talk to her. Lex blocks the door. "You lost your visiting rights a while back, Clark," Lex tells him. Clark is completely stunned that he doesn't just get to go wherever he wants. Clark says he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Lex. "Since you've been with her she's got a funny habit of getting hurt." That is funny! Tersely, Lex asks how many times Lana ended up in the hospital when she was with Clark. I so completely lost count. Lex enters Room 257. Without Clark. Lex tells Clark to save himself a trip time and just send flowers. Lex closes the door on Clark.
"Ouch," says a voice behind Clark. It's Lois Lane, telling Clark that what just happened was harsh. "It's not like he's wrong, though," Clark mutters. Clark whines that he's hurt Lana more than anybody and that she wouldn't be with Lex if it wasn't for him. Lois says Lana made that "questionable" decision on her own, and that Clark should stop beating himself up over it. "That's my job," Lois says. Looking all sneaky with the hands rubbing, Lois says her other job is sniffing out a good story. She suspects foul chandelier play. She fills Clark in on the two recent Excelsior alumni deaths. She thinks Lex was almost the third and that it had something to do with Duncan, but that Oliver won't tell her anything. Clark tells Lois she should get some distance from Oliver so she doesn't end up in the hospital like Lana. "Or...I could man-up and get to the bottom of this like a real reporter," Lois says, "preferably before the Grim Reaper drops something very heavy on my hot boyfriend." Lois walks off on that one. Clark is still trying to process the fourth word from her very long sentence.
Metropolis. House of Ollie. Oliver is closing his super-secret weapons chamber. Clark is there. Oliver asks him whether Lana is going to be all right. Clark thinks so, but he thinks Ollie is wrong about Lex being the one behind the attacks. Oliver concurs that Lex loves Lana too much to risk her life in throwing off suspicion. Clark says the attacks aren't random. Of course not. It's TV! Clark brings up Duncan. "It's not Duncan," Oliver says. Reason: "Because Lex and I killed him ten years ago." Oh, snap! Deadliness! Blackout-to-flashback.
We're back in the school yard, where Young Lex is whalin' on poor Duncan. Finally, Oliver and his buds try to stop him, saying that's enough. Where are all the teachers up in this mug? Young Lex has to be pulled off, screaming. Duncan, his face completely broken, lifts his hands, shaking. "Dude. Psycho much?" Geoffrey asks Young Lex. All right, finally a good line of dialogue. Oliver, holding Lex by the waist, tells him there's something seriously wrong with him. Young Lex has the ripped-off badge in his hand. He balls it in his fist. Duncan, whimpering, gets to his feet. He glances at Young Lex, but walks away. Lex holds a hand out, but Duncan bats it away and cries, "Get away from me!" He walks backward out of the courtyard. "You want to be one of them so badly, Lex? Is that it? You can't stand being a loser like me?" He continues to back away. "Well congratulations, buddy, now you're their friends." And here it comes, the one that gets me every time, from The Crying Game to Mean Girls to Scary Movie to any other time it happens in a program. Duncan gets hit by a car just as he's saying, "And you can all go to --" Bam! Sideswipe. Gets me every time. "Duncan!" Oliver screams. Everybody rushes forward. Duncan lies in the street, his body twisted. And Stephen King is lying to him! Oliver looks like he'll cry.
Flashback to the present. Oliver says that Duncan died of massive brain injuries. Clark asks if there's anything else. What, that story wasn't enough? Oliver, wearing a casual black shirt and jeans, turns and tells Clark that there's the denouement. The deno-what? Is that like "decoupage"? Oliver says that Papa Luthor swept in with the best doctors to try to save Duncan. At the time, Oliver adds, he was grateful, but now he sees it as a way to cover up what happened and save the Luthor name. Oliver says that Papa Luthor got the story of what happened from Lex and that since Duncan's family couldn't afford treatment, Papa Luthor paid for the whole thing as long as everyone kept quiet. "Not that it mattered," Oliver says, "Duncan died two days later." Clark says it was just an accident. "No," Oliver says morosely. He says he told himself that lie for years. But now he thinks that they all might as well have pushed Duncan out in front of that car. "We all killed Duncan Allenmeyer," Oliver says. Oliver has to sit down. Clark blinks. Clark asks about Duncan's family. He wonders whether a family member might be looking for revenge. Oliver says that Duncan's mother was the only relative he could find and that she died a month ago. Clark thinks there must be someone else. Oliver says that Papa Luthor was the only person who was close with Duncan's family. Shall we? I think we shall visit Papa Luthor and it shall be absolutely magnificent!
LuthorCorp. Papa Luthor is at his desk looking at what appear to be photos of Kryptonian crop circles. Clark walks into his office and he's careful to close his book before Clark can see it. He says that he was on his way to Pastis for lunch and invites Clark to join him. Fancy feast! Clark says it's not a social call. Papa says that's a pity because the owner's wife makes a Soufflé au Fromage that he says is, "out of this world." Clark wonders if it has much corn in it. Clark subtly changes the subject: "Duncan Allenmeyer," he blurts out. Papa's mood darkens. He asks how Clark knows that name. Clark replies that Oliver filled him in (dirty!). "Ah yes, the Queen boy," Papa says, hilariously. He says that Oliver knows better than to dig up old skeletons. Clark mutters something about someone else having a shovel in his hand. It's a grave situation. Clark thinks someone close to Duncan is trying to get his revenge on. Papa says Lex was the only one close to Duncan, and that except for his mother, Duncan had no family. Papa Luthor looks a little choked up. Clark asks what Papa Luthor's holding back. "Two people are already dead," Clark threatens, "do you want to add Lex to the body count?" "Now, please, tell me." Now you could argue that what happens shows Papa Luthor really does care about Lex, or if you're cynical, you could say this is one more way that he's trying to ingratiate himself to Clark. But given what it shows about Papa Luthor, I think it's the former. Papa Luthor surely doesn't want Clark to see him as a mad scientist and I'd venture that his decision to reveal the piece of information is more about Lex than it is about Clark. Papa says it was a tragedy what happened to Duncan and that he tried to help. He says he's continued to do that for the last ten years. "Duncan's still alive?" Clark asks. Papa says he's kept the boy alive, but that he's in a persistent vegetative state. Hopefully not Florida. Clark asks why he let everyone believe Duncan was dead. Papa takes a long time answering. "Clark," he says, choked up, "I didn't want Lex to be crippled by his mistakes." He says he paid off the mother for her silence. He says he agreed to fund a research program that was dedicated to finding a way to reverse his brain damage. Clark asks whether it's still going on. Papa says the best research minds in the world have tried. "What if one of them worked?" Clark asks. Papa looks at Clark in surprise.
A nondescript institutional-looking building. We stay close to the floor, zooming down a dark hallway of what looks like a medical center. We see a nurse unlock a door and pull a cart into a dark room. Inside, a large needle with glowing green liquid. They're using Glo-Stick technology! Noooooo! Adult Duncan sits in a chair, staring off into space. He's in a hospital gown and hooked up to an IV. The nurse injects the green liquid into his bag. "It's time for your treatment, Duncan," she says. The liquid goes into the IV. Close-up of Duncan's left eye. A tiny green dot appears in the pupil.
Commercials. It's Texas, so I'm treated to more truck commercials and a commercial for a gun show. Awesome.
The same anonymous hospital. Clark, holding a piece of paper in his hand lest his brain forget how to walk, is wandering down a hallway. "Smallville?" someone says off-screen. It's Lois. Clark asks what she's doing there. Lois says that she's following a lead; she checked on Duncan's mother. That's surprising to Clark, who says that she's dead. Lois calls Clark "Sherlock" and says that she dug through the mother's phone records. She was placing a call every day to this place. Clark says she was checking in on her son. Lois thought that Duncan was dead. Yet, here she is. "I think he's in this room," Clark says, holding up the paper. Lois asks how he knows all this. He says Lois isn't the only one with hunches. There's the guy from Notre Dame, for instance. Lois grabs the paper and says, "Nice work," rushing ahead of Clark to get there first. "Lois," he says. He nods toward the door she just walked past. Clark reaches for the doorknob. Lois reaches faster. "Uh uh," she says, "It's my story. I don't share bylines." Wow. Asshole. Lois sees the door is locked. She decides to go "Flirt us up a set of keys." Nice. Clark reaches and cracks the knob open. He tells Lois it must have been stuck. She walks back, saying, "Ladies first." Clark agrees and walks in first.
Clock tower at night. Oliver is at his desk. A woman on his intercom tells him that someone has arrived. Lex comes in through the industrial freight elevator. "Lex, I was wondering how long it was gonna take you to pop up." If Oliver was looking in Lex's direction, who knows how this week's Gayest Look of the Episode election might have turned out. Lex says he's been busy. At the hospital. Oliver says he heard about Lana and asks whether she's all right. "Not that you care," Lex says. Oliver insists that he does care. He cares that a nice girl like that ended up with a guy like Lex. Ouch. Lex steps forward, pissed. Lex says that ever since Oliver came to Metropolis, he's been kidnapped, his life's been put in jeopardy, and the woman he loves is in the hospital. Oliver says, "And you think that's my fault. Sounds to me more like bad karma." Lex tells Oliver to go back to Star City while he still can.
As Lex turns away, Oliver says, "I've seen that look before." Oliver says that he saw it when Lex almost beat his only friend to death. Lex turns, even angrier. He punches Oliver with a left hook. That smarts! Oliver wipes blood off his lip. He says that one was free, but the one's going to cost Lex. Lex swings again. Oliver grabs Lex by the arm and throws him across a hard, round metal coffee table. Lex hits the floor hard. Oliver says, "Poor little Lex. Always blaming everyone else for all his problems." Damn! Lex says, "Only when they're the cause." He swings wildly. Oliver ducks and punches Lex in the midsection. Then in the face. Oliver throws Lex across the room again. Oliver snarks that Lex never took responsibility for what happened to Duncan. "Like your hands were clean," Lex says. Oliver says that it's not even close, but since then he's been scrubbing those hands really hard. He says Lex's just keep getting dirtier. Don't be talkin' 'bout my hygiene! Lex is about to attack again, but the windows nearby are starting to rattle. Oliver and Lex stare. Oliver grabs Lex and they both dive. The windows shatter. Oliver crawls to Lex. He seems unconscious. The doors to Oliver's secret room swing open. Oliver is horrified. The walls shake. An arrow hovers in the air. It points at Oliver. The thing fires at his shoulder and pins him against the wall. Oliver grunts. O, awful irony!
The hospital where Duncan has been kept. Lois looks at a machine's readout and says that she's not a doctor (thank fucking God!), but that you don't get the squiggly lines when you're in a vegetative state. Clark, looking at a chart as if he has any idea how to read it, guesses the new treatment must be working. Clark sees something called 12-B on the chart and it's experimental. No, it's a vitamin and you're dyslexic, Clark. Clark says the 12-B is derived from meteor rocks. Lois reads that they started giving him the stuff two days before. The injection times coincide with the attacks. Lois thinks they just found their killer. Lois tries to convince Clark that the electrical signals might foretell some astral projection, based on an article she read in the Inquisitor. Yeah, let's just go with that theory! Lois asks if Clark has a better explanation. He doesn't. They see that the last injection was twenty minutes ago. "Oh, my God," Lois says, "It's happening again." When Lois turns, Clark whooshes out of the room. A graph of Duncan's brain seems to be going haywire on a monitor.
Oliver's place. His fancy arrow case has been opened. One of the new arrows floats in the air. Cut to green in Duncan's eye, then back to the arrow aiming at Oliver. Clark zips into the room and stands in front of the arrow. It bounces off his chest, but not before exploding in an electrical cloud. The electricity dissipates. Oliver's eyes widen.
Back at the hospital, Duncan is shaking. All the machines are beeping and the lights are flashing.
Something in the air in Oliver's office flashes brightly, and then disappears. At the hospital, Duncan flatlines. Lois looks sad.
Clark and Oliver, back at his place, stare at each other.
Hospital. Lois is standing in a hallway as nurses pull a stretcher with a body out of Duncan's room. Clark walks up, asking what happened. Lois says that Clark went AWOL as things heated up, "As usual." Clark says that he went to find a phone to warn Lex and Oliver. He and Lois don't have cell phones today? Lois asks if they're all right. Clark says they're all right, but that Oliver says that whatever was going on suddenly stopped. Lois says that Duncan blew a fuse. She asks what might have caused it. Clark asks Lois if she needs that for her article. She answers that it would be good if she were still going to write it; it's a juicy story, but an exploitation piece about a catatonic patient astral projecting his way to revenge might be in bad case. Didn't she already read an article in the paper about the same subject? When are stories in the Inquisitor not exploitative? Clark asks if she'd feel the same way if Oliver weren't involved. Lois says we've all done things we're not proud of (like Season 4), but that she wishes Oliver hadn't hidden it from her. Clark tells her that sometimes in order to protect the people we love, we keep secrets. Lois shakes her head sadly while smiling: "That is...totally retarded." Ungh. Lois walks off smiling. Clark sort of does, too. Let's just move on, shall we?
Commercials. Am I the only one who feels like running to my car and going straight to Target after I've seen one of their ads?
Stately Luthor Manor. Inside, Lex, holding the bloody badge of Duncan, is telling Lana that he wasn't very popular in school. Lex says that his looks and the rumors about his brother Julian were the reasons. He says Duncan didn't care. "He was my only friend. And I betrayed him," Lex says sadly. Lana says that he was just a boy and that what matters is the man he became. Lex puts his hand on Lana's knee. They're totally gonna fuck. Oh, but Oliver walks in. He's got his arm in a black sling. "You're early," Lex says. Oliver says that it's not often he's invited into the lion's den. He says he didn't want Lex changing his mind. Lana excuses herself. "Mr. Queen," she says. "Miss Lang," he answers. Oliver says Lex is a lucky man. "In more ways than one," Lex tells him; he should be dead he says. Oliver suggests that Lex would have done the same thing for him. Right? Lex doesn't answer. He says he wanted to say thanks, and that's all he wanted to say. Lex says he's sure Oliver has business to get back to. "Lex," Oliver says, "what happened to Duncan...the way I treated both of you...it's not something that I'm proud of." Oliver says he regrets it. It's obviously painful for him to say all this. Lex steps forward. He says he regrets every thinking he needed friends like Oliver. Oliver nods a bit, sadly. He purses his lips and turns to exit. Lex stands alone, hands in his pockets. He's a lonely guy.
Metropolis at night. Papa Luthor, at his desk, is looking at the brain charts for Duncan. We see Lex standing in the shadows from Papa's point of view. "Why did you lie to me?" Lex asks. Papa asks what Lex would have done if he'd known the truth. He asks if Lex would have visited the boy every day. Papa says that he was giving Lex a chance to move on with his life. Lex says Papa didn't do this for him; he was just using Duncan as a guinea pig. Lex says one of the treatments tapped into a very powerful part of the human brain. Why did it take him this long to try Kryptonite? Papa asks if that would have made a difference. Papa says that Lex was responsible for what happened to Duncan and that nothing will ever change that. Lex is severely rattled. "Like you said, Dad, the only thing I can do is look forward." Lex says that he wants to see the data on Duncan's last treatment. He tells Papa Luthor to have it on his desk first thing in the morning. Papa, not surprised, smiles as Lex walks out.
The Barnness of Epilogueitude. Clark is balin' hay. Oliver is sitting on the steps. He's asking about Duncan's astral body. He looks at Clark as he works, speaking of out-of-this-world bodies. Oliver things it was an electrical manifestation. Clark says it was fried by Oliver's arrow. Lucky he was working on it this week! Clark says that making mistakes and living with the consequences isn't easy. Oliver asks if Clark is speaking from experience. "More than I'd like," Clark says. Oliver says all you can do is hope you make the right choices in the future. Chloe, carrying a pink folder, appears, calling for Clark. She realizes he has company. Chloe introduces Oliver. Chloe cutely says, "Oh!" and says that she feels like she knows him because Lois talks about him all the time. Oliver says he was going to see Lois right now. He tells Clark it might be time for him to do some talking. He says he's looking forward to Chloe's article on Dark Thursday. Chloe looks to Clark. Oliver says he hopes his satellite images helped. Chloe plays it off and just says, "Yeah." Oliver says it was nice to meet her and takes off. Chloe is a little hot. She says in person Oliver is really "wow." She is warm for his form.
Clark interrupts Chloe's little fantasy and asks if she pulled anything off the satellites. Chloe says that found a few craters that match Clark's. Clark asks if she found the one in India. Chloe says it was just a hole, but she found another one in Australia. She shows Clark a photo of someone in a crater. She says she blew it up and that it's not clear, but...Clark examines it. He looks at an image we don't get to see. Squints. "What is it?" Chloe asks. Extreme close-up on Clark. "Raya," he says. Yay! I liked that Raya. Blackout.
week: Raya's back! Also, trouble in Lex and Lana's paradise.