You guys are back after last week's episode? Wow. You people are brave.
The Talon. There's a mad, mad, mad, mad rush for coffee! It's crazy! People have got their caffeine mojo risin'. Somewhere (probably in Colombia), Juan Valdez is going, "I'm rich, bitch!" Behind the counter is Lois Lane, who is now working at The Talon and probably still living with the Kents. Check out the forward character momentum on Lois! No, really, don't, because there is none; I wouldn't want you to waste your time. Lois is completely mumbling to herself as she serves coffee, comparing herself to a free show as the overhead camera tries to peek at her cleavage, but doesn't really get much going there. Sorry, Al and Miles! We tried! Lois is attempting to say everything that runs through her mind like her coffee-slinging is avant-garde theater. She is definitely going to be Crazy Cat Lady with fifty felines in the house and brain damage from all the kitty litter when she's an old lady (like in six or seven years).
The camera smoothly comes around to settle on the back of a young man's head as he faces the coffee counter. We get a reverse angle. Scary! The young man would be handsome except he looks like a serial killer as he eyes Lois putting money into the cash register. "Oh, sweet, sweet cash register...how I want to dress you up like my ex-girlfriend and do awful things to you. Your buttons...so pliable. No! No! Must resist!" Or it could be he just wants cash. Lois sprays some whipped cream on some coffee and manages to make it muy unsexy. In a fairly smooth movement, the guy (whom we shall call Memor-X for reasons to be revealed later) goes behind the counter, grabs a muffin, tosses it from one hand to the , and goes straight to the register. He grabs the cash from the open drawer and walks off like it ain't no thang. It is to Lois, though. She stops him: "Whoa! You did not just do that!" she posits. From where I was sitting, it looked like he totally did. He raises a hand and zaps crazy yellow-green beams at her face, which nobody in the entire crowded coffee shop happens to notice. They must really have the coffee jones bad. Green light flashes. "What can I get you?" Lois says to the thief, amiably. Holy mind control! This guy must be...Memor-X! (Ask for him by name.) The guy, wearing the signifying Hoodie of Evil, smiles and says he's already been helped. Indeed. Well played. Touch. Uh...nice pants. Lois shuts the cash drawer and goes on to the customer. Mind taking! We don't borrow, we don't lease, we take the mind. Mind taking!
Chloe and Clark come through the front doors of The Talon. "University of Miami?" Chloe asks. Woo! Miamirules! Can you imagine Lana in Miami? She'd be under an umbrella the whole time complaining because everyone around her is so shallow. Not like in Paris, where everyone is a delicately complex asshole. Chloe, skeptical, says she just doesn't see Clark Kent trading his flannels for flip-flops. Oh, I do. I see it like a giant-ass drive-in movie screen. CLARK! SPRING BREAK! Clark says that he doesn't see why starting over can't involve being near a beach. That is the smartest goddamned thing Clark has ever said on this show. Can you tell how much I enjoy tropical locales? Clark says he feels a little guilty leaving his parents to run the farm alone. Funny, he sure doesn't look guilty when he says it. Chloe absent-mindedly says it would be hard for them to replace Clark, given his skills and all. Clark goes, "Skills?," and Chloe quickly finds an excuse to change the subject, calling after Lois. Chloe asks for a double cappuccino. Instead of biting her head off with a sarcastic remark, Lois agrees and goes to put money in the register. Uh...oh. Spaghetti-O! Lois says they've just been robbed. Very effective, Erica -- directing your line directly into a piece of machinery. The camera pans around to show Clark in profile. He glances to where the swinging door to the kitchen has just been used.
Cut to the back alley, daytime. Memor-X is scurrying over to his very snazzy yellow Ford truck. That's a cute little truck. Not a big Forge Compensator, as we're calling big killer trucks on a sketch in our upcoming show. This is a truck you and I could actually live with. You know, in Happy Land. We see him through the side mirror for no real good reason. He drives, really fast, down the alley. Then he brakes hard. There's a farmboy in the street. Move along! Mooooo! Memor-X looks scared. Clark comes around and opens the driver's-side door. Memor-X doesn't even try to come up with a lie. He just flashes Clark with the green beams of energy from his fingertips. This must be what they call a five-finger discount. Clark lurches back against a chain link fence, his face covered in memory eraser. The camera zooms forward, and we whoosh into Clark's brain. It's a lot less roomy than any of us could have expected. It would have been nice to slow this down, because I sure as hell ain't gonna do a frame-by-frame at this point, but some of the highlights included Lana in a cheerleading outfit (old dreams never die for Clark), Pete, Dr. Swann, something I swear was a cafeteria tray of chicken fingers, and a hot air balloon. Don't the contents of Clark's brain just make you want to change the channel already?
“ Clark smiles and raises his eyebrows a little. Lana looks hopeful. Now, I know you all want me to completely tear this scene apart. Maybe it's the sangria swirl talking, but I thought this scene was a little bit sweet. ”
Lair of Lex. Funky techno-sounding music is playing. A fireplace roars. Lex removes a folded piece of paper from his pocket. It's a map from Clark's loft. Couldn't Lex have taken a portable scanner instead of stealing it outright? You may be XL, but you disappoint me, Lex. The camera pulls out for a wide shot of Lex's domain. It's XL.
Kent porch at night. The music still plays. Lana walks up the porch steps. Clark comes outside to meet her. "I'm early, I know, I'm sorry," she says. They walk to the side of the porch. Lana shifts. She says she's nervous. Clark asks why. "Were we supposed to do something?" he asks. Lana's eyes widen. Clark explains that he doesn't remember anything from the last day. Lana: "Oh." She asks if he remembers everything else. Clark thinks very, very hard. He asks if their plans were, like, "date kind of plans." Because, Clark asks, "what about Jason?" Lana considers. She says that Clark just wanted to talk, but that it can wait until later. She walks off. Clark tells her to wait. "I can't do this," he says. "I can't let you walk out. Not again." Lana tells him it's fine: "We both know better than this." As do all of us. Clark says that's all right: "That's why this time will be different." Lana is touched. "'This time'?" she asks for the second time. Clark smiles and raises his eyebrows a little. Lana looks hopeful. Now, I know you all want me to completely tear this scene apart. Maybe it's the sangria swirl talking, but I thought this scene was a little bit sweet. And yes, they did do some acting here. And it sort of worked. You all know how I feel about Lana, but I did not hate this scene. Even if it puts us back to around Season 2 in terms of character development. Of course, if I throw up later, I'm going to blame it on this, not on the swirl.
Smallville High. That's one damn long transition song. In the offices of The Torch, Chloe is tapping away at a computer. The screen has a front-page headline: "Summerholt Memory Lane Shut Down." There's a big photo of MemoryDad. Clark enters. "Are you Chloe?" he asks. She looks startled. He's kidding. "Funny," says Chloe. "It's not hilarious, but it's funny." Clark heard from his parents that Chloe "Clark-sat" until they got back from Metropolis. He thanks her. Chloe says he could use some help with his comedy routine, but that she didn't exactly help him eat solid foods again. I would have loved to have recapped that. Clark says it must have been hard having a zombie best friend walking around. Oh, now you're best friends? Chloe says she never realized how complicated that zombie's life was. Clark tries to play off his worry, but it still shows. "'Complicated,'" he repeats. "Did I do something unusual?" Nice acting job here, by the way. Tom Welling finally looks engaged by an episode. Chloe says that he had a clean slate to start all over again, and that he made all the same choices, except for one. Clark smiles. "Chloe, I need you to be completely honest with me," he says. Chloe smiles at the irony. "Honest, huh?" she says, stepping forward with a sparkle in her eye. "What'd I do?" Clark asks. "You trusted me," she says right to his face. She walks away, leaving Clark to chew on that for a while.
week: ripped from the headlines! Of my nightmares! Clark and Lana find a baby in a crater. This should be...what's the word? Not fun, but...oh yeah: fucked-up.