Rush

So check it out: I'm gonna be in Vancouver late this week. I tried to wrangle up a set visit through the usual WB channels (which as you may recall from the Al Gough interview, can take a few months longer than you'd expected), but the official word on my visit is that it's a no-go. If you're on the crew or an actor or an upper-up and want to hook a brother up, feel free to email me. I think I need to see, with my own eyes, Lex in Effect.

We open with a sleek blue car prowling the night and arriving somewhere with loud techno music. Every time I hear techno music now, I always think of "The System is Down" from homestarrunner.com. Funny stuff. There's also cool airstrip-style red lights and a big green cross-looking thing out in the middle of nowhere. People are hooting and a bunch of cars are parked. So Smallville has a night life? I am shocked and amazed. How often is it on this show that we see teenagers actually acting like teenagers and not slaving away over angst and coffee, or heat-visioning toast? The car parks and Chloe get out of the passenger side. She's got her hair pulled back on both sides and it actually looks really cute. She's grinning. Pete emerges from the driver's side. When did he get a new car? That insurance money from when his car blew up last week sure did kick in fast. He says he can't believe this. Chloe says this is cool: a rave in a cave. Pete's not pleased. He asks why Chloe didn't tell him it was gonna be there. I guess the name, "Rave in a Cave," didn't tip him off. Ungh thunk ungh thunk, woot toot toot toot! "The system is down!" Hee. Chloe says she didn't know; she just downloaded the directions on "The Internet." I've heard of that! As they walk past parked cars and headlights, Pete says that Clark is gonna go crazy. Clark asks what's up with Clark and his obsession with the caves. "I don't know. I think Kyla [from "Skinwalker"] really got to him," Pete says. It may be dark, but a bright shining light splays down from the heavens, illuminating all that is good in a one-mile radius. It's the great and powerful beam of Continuity. And it is Good. Pete whips out his cell to let Clark know about the party. Chloe stops him. She says the caves have been around hundreds of years: "I don't think a little Moby is gonna hurt them." I still say Moby should have this huge, deep, gravelly voice given his name. When he speaks, he shouldn't sound like the guy who does your parents' taxes. Chloe and Pete go inside. Somebody in the background is jumping rope badly. It's hilarious.

Inside the cave. LOUD! Cave paintings from "Skinwalker." Thunk, thunk, wonk, wonk, boom boom, yeaow yeaow. Party people in the cave going nuts. Folks are dancing. Lights are set up everywhere. This is the first enjoyable thing I've seen to do in town all season. Ba-dank ba-dank, donk, donk, diggie donk. I can't tell you how fun it is to type that. More cave paintings. How tribal. Donk donk, diggie donk. Chloe and Pete walk inside slowly. Give in to the groove, Pete! It's all you, baby! Pete goes straight to a couple that's kissing. He interrupts them and tells them to step back off the walls. "The paintings!" he says. They ignore him and go back to kissing. Chloe smiles. She tells him she doesn't think they care about the cave paintings. "These pictographs are sacred!" Pete says. Pete is suddenly Mr. Natural Preservation. Chloe goes back to the couple and tells them that the clay doesn't wash out of your clothes. The couple disperses even though the guy's not even wearing a shirt. Chloe says you've got to hit them where it hurts. Now that that's resolved, Pete is free to bob his head about the cabin. There's a DJ spinning. Wonka wonka, thong thong. "Never gonna come back down!" the music blares. "The system is down!" A straight-up nerd, circa 1987, in a little sweater vest and huge glasses, comes up and kisses Chloe right on the mouth. "Travis! What are you doing?" she asks. He looks more like a "Trevor" than a "Travis." He's all sweaty and Bill Gates-lookin'. He says he's taking his shot. "I always through you were hot!" he says, giddily. Chloe says he's wasted. He says he's just high on life. And asthma inhalant. "Woooooo!" he goes and, because I too was once El Nerdo, I have to laugh in appreciation. Travis the Nerd goes off and starts climbing some metal stands. Pete comes over and asks if Chloe was making out with her Chem partner. Travis has climbed up and has the crowd on his side. He keeps going as Chloe and Pete yell after him to come down. No way, baby. The system may be down, but The Travis is up! Everybody hoots and hollers while Travis does a one-handed rolling motion. Too. Funny. Travis goes even higher. Pete, in vain, yells again. Crane shot of Travis living large up there. Pete, for no reason, goes and stands by himself with his back to a cave wall drawing. We cut to a shot from inside a crevice. We can see the back of Pete's neck. Pete looks around. "I'm invincible!" poor Travis says as he leaps, belly-flop-style, from the rafter. But are you a Golden God? Just as Travis lands crunchily, something bites Pete on the neck. He goes, "Aggh!" and grabs at his nape. Chloe looks at Travis in horror. He's flat and bloody on the ground. Goodbye, Travis. Pete goes from an expression of hurt to pure elation. The Pete is back up! Oh yeah. Pete's groovin' now. Watch out, ladies. Sloppy zoom in on the crevice that blurs to black. Opening credits. I'm thinking Clark must have a strict "No saving nerds" policy, or he would have been there rescuing Travis.

Clark is walking down the street reading the front page of the Smallville Ledger. The main headline reads, "Local Teen Dies in Cave Rave." A downpage above-the-fold headline reads, "Presidential Focus: Strength Through Unity." Oh, this show must be a fantasy after all. Clark turns around in time to see a motorcycle approaching on the sidewalk. People part ways to avoid getting run over. The bike jumps over a little triangular sign, brakes, and stops in a turn right in front of Clark. It's Pete, who's taken his off-roading on to the main road. And, um, the sidewalk. A woman drops her groceries. Clark asks if Pete is nuts. Pete says he's taking a little spin. "Driving like a wild man! Without a helmet!" Clark whines. Clark needs to just go ahead and join AARP. Go to bed, old man! Clark says that Pete could have hurt someone. Or himself. Pete says that's a rush. Unnecessary camera spin. As Pete inspects his bike, Clark says he heard about what happened at the caves. Clark says he's sorry he wasn't there to back them up. Yes, Clark is backup to Chloe's and Pete's own superhuman skills. Pete spouts something about how the moment you're most alive is right before you die. Unless you're lying on the ground with the blood spilling slowly out of you. I'm not sure that axiom applies then. Pete says at least Travis had that. It's Trevor! No, wait. It is Travis. My bad. Clark asks if Pete's feeling okay. Pete says he's fine. Clark says that if Pete wants to talk, Clark's there for him. Pete chuckles and says that all Clark does is talk. For a guy who can't get hurt, Pete says, Clark never takes any risks. Clark, called on his shit, seems a little uncomfortable. He says that's not true. The poor woman in the background is picking up her groceries. Pete asks about Lana and why Clark doesn't take his shot with her now that "Fordman is toast." Ooh, the Jocko Whitney disses just keep on coming. Pete points, and there's Lana across the street, outside The Talon. She smiles at Clark and goes inside. Clark points out that Jocko Whitney was Pete's friend. More continuity? Why, thank you! Clark says it's not so easy to just go up and ask Lana out. Pete asks if it's because Clark's afraid to share his secret. Jeez, which one? Pete says Clark shared the secret with him and they're "still cool." Clark says that's different. Pete counters that Clark's just afraid Lana will shut him down. "You only go around once," he says. "Forget the past." What is this, Rent now? No day but today, Clark! Pete revs his bike, bounces up and down, and advises Clark to focus on the future. He does a skidding turnaround and drives off. Pete does a wheelie as he goes, and people on the sidewalk scatter. Clark looks over at The Talon like it's Mount Everest. He makes some sort of wussy tentative decision and starts walking over. The Talon marquee reads, "Espresso for your morning rush." After I drink espresso in the morning, I rush right to the bathroom.

Inside The Talon, Clark brushes off his brown jacket (which I like much better than his red one) and spots Lana on the floor, chalking out some items on a menu stand. She breaks her chalk or something and looks flustered for a second, then, in all seriousness, asks if Clark heard about Travis/Trevor. "Yeah, pretty sad, huh?" Clark says. Lana says that the police think he might have been on something. Sparkling white grape soda? Lana says you never know when something like that's gonna happen, and that's the only explanation, and you never know when your time is up. Is she taking Bo Duke's Platitude Correspondence Course? Clark wisely says nothing. Lana, in a completely unexpected and uncharacteristic move, suddenly changes the subject to herself and how her guidance counselor said she needs to embrace the future. "Carpe diem," she says, in much the same way she enthuses about Neutrogena. Lana says she thought about that and decided she doesn't want to be a spectator in her own life. As she says this, she walks behind the counter to be a spectator in customers' much more interesting lives. Clark agrees. He nods a tiny bit and says, "We should go on a date." Lana looks up. "Together," Clark says. Oh, well that's totally different. "In the near future," Clark adds. Now, that's completely out. Lana asks if Clark is serious. No. He's Clark. Clark says he was serious. He starts to wuss out, though. "If you don't want to go..." he begins. "When?" Lana asks. Clark asks if she'll go. "Yeah," she says. Then she moves her head around a lot and smiles and says she's assuming that was the answer Clark was looking for. I know I should be happy for them, but have you ever had a friend who was so awkward that when they hooked up with another awkward person, it was like watching two trains crash into each other at 10 mph? Clark finally smiles and says he didn't think it would be that easy. Are you kidding? You just shit your pants! Lana says that all he had to do was ask. So let that be a lesson, WB boys. Clark asks if tomorrow would work. "Sounds like fun," Lana says. But is it as fun as a cave rave? Thonk thonk thonk thonk, "The System is Down!" Clark says, "All right. It's a date." "Okay," Lana says. Damn, is this scene still going? Long pause. Clark walks out, smiling. Lana turns her head around and then whips it really fast to the right in glee.

Funky blue cave drawing. Amid trash and rave lights, Clark starts picking up refuse. A flashlight shines on him. It's Lex! It's not like Lex to shine a long, shiny beam of brilliance at Clark. At least, not lately. "Lex. I didn't see you," Clark says. But did you feel him? Lex says not to bother with the trash. He's sending in a maintenance crew. "Looks like it was quite a bash," Lex says. Who, besides Tenacious D in one of their songs, still says "bash"? Is he sad he didn't get invited? Clark says that Pete tried to break it up. Lex says he's sure it was a noble effort, but not many teenagers are interested in 500-year-old cave paintings. Looking up at the paintings, Lex asks about Clark's interest in the caves. Clark asks what he means. Lex says that when he fired the security guard that morning, he asked who else the guy had let in the caves; Clark had been there almost every morning. Clark's a cave dweller. Lex gives Clark a long look. "You wouldn't be keeping secrets from me, would you, Clark?" Clark says Kyla died protecting the caves, and that he's doing a term paper on the drawings. It's called, "Oh, Behave! How to Save the Cave from a Rave." Lex looks down at Clark's backpack, but more importantly at Clark's ass. Oh yes. Juicy. Lex puts his hand deep into Clark's fold (the backpack fold) and pulls out a book. Deciphering the Mysteries of Hieroglyphics By Dr. Friedrich Walden. "Friedrich" is a very popular name on this show. "Sounds like a real page-turner," Lex says. Well, you read dusty-ass history books. Clark asks why Lex started the preservation project. "It's not like there's big business in caves," Clark says. Lex is planning to open a Wal-Mart there. To preserve roll-back prices and blue vests. "I like a good mystery," Lex says, "and this one promises to be fascinating." He asks if Clark agrees. Clark dodges the question and says he'd better get going. Lex says he told the new security guy that nobody may come down into the caves without Lex's permission. "Nobody except for Clark Kent, of course," Lex says. It's their secret hideaway now. Clark exits, leaving Lex to point his flashlight at something else.

Talon. Lana is arranging some flowers in a tiny vase. Chloe walks up. She says she didn't hear Lana leave that morning. Lana says she had to be at The Talon first thing. Chloe says that if she didn't know any better, she'd say Lana was avoiding her. Based on leaving early just one morning? Single White Female much, Chloe? Lana says that's just how she copes. She keeps working on the flowers compulsively. Chloe says she doesn't want to be one of those annoying girls who says she's there to talk if you need her, but...she is. Lana says she appreciates it and then backs away, rear-electric-sliding toward the kitchen entrance. Chloe desperately says that if Lana wants to go do some serious shopping, they can go to Metropolis the day. Chloe says that her dad is willing to join the conspiracy and get them out of school early. As she gathers stuff, Lana says that would be great, but she already has plans. Chloe asks what kind of plans. Lana says that Clark asked her out on a date. Chloe looks worried. She says she thought Lana and Clark had given up on "the mating dance." Ew. "Yeah, yeah, me too," Lana says. She just wants out of this conversation. "But you still said yes," Chloe presses. Hey, Lana didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition! ("Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is green meteorite, green meteorite and cheese, cheese and meteorite, our two chief weapons...look, I'll come in again.") Lana begins to say that if this is weird for Chloe... Chloe says her feelings for Clark are so ancient, they're... She struggles to finish the bon mot: "They're fossilized," Chloe concludes. Chloe laughs a little and then says, "Seriously, you should go for it." Lana asks if Chloe's sure. "Lana, does it really matter what I think?" Chloe asks. So. Manipulative. Chloe says if she were in Lana's position, she'd do the same thing. "Don't let me be your excuse," Chloe says. And it's kind of a mean thing to say, giving Lana a generous portion of Truth, but Lana more than deserves it. Lana smiles sadly and says she's glad they cleared the air. From where I sit, it looks they just let loose some toxic chemicals into the air. Chloe says she'll see Lana later that night, and leaves.

Kent Farm mailbox. Inside the house, Bo Duke and MamaKent are talking about money issues as Clark comes down the stairs. They're talking about stuff like scholarships. To wit: "A scholarship would be great," Bo says heartily. Clark asks what they're doing. Bo, looking at some brochures, says that now that they have the farm finances under control (they do?), they're trying to figure out how they're going to pay for Clark's college. Strong Man Contests? Human Tractor Pulls? Eye-to-Eye LASIK surgeries? "If you ever graduate from high school," MamaKent says snarkily. Bo says that Principal Asskick called and said Clark's been chronically late. It would be funny if he was late because of The Chronic. Bo says Asskick asked if there was some emergency at the farm. He takes a sip from the bovine cup, the one that always runneth over. Clark drinks a tall glass of OJ instead and says he's been spending some time at the caves. Bo says he knows how much they mean to Clark, but until he clears things up at school, he doesn't want Clark going down there. "No, Dad!" Clark says, getting up from his chair a little. Bo cuts him off and tells him not to argue. Bo says he wants Clark's butt in the house every day after school. Just his butt? I don't know that anyone has discounted butt separation as a future superpower. "Just give me till tomorrow," Clark says. "No," Bo fires back. "It's really important," Clark growls. MamaKent asks what's up. "I've got a date," he says. And under his breath as he gets up, "With Lana." MamaKent and Bo look at each other with astonishment. "A study date?" Bo asks. Way to cut the willie off your son, Bo. "An actual date," Clark says. MamaKent totally leaps into action, whispering urgently to Bo that they have to let him go. It's hilarious. Clark half-smiles. Bo makes Clark promise to get his chores and homework done before he goes. MamaKent beams. So does Clark. "Absolutely," he says. Bo agrees. "Thanks, Mom," Clark says, and goes off. Bo bellows for Clark to tell Pete to stop cutting donuts out in the field. "He's scaring the cattle!" Bo yells. I (heart) that line.

House of Lex. A nerd guy with a really thin, tall face, reminiscent of Beaker's from The Muppets, pulls a book from a shelf. Lex, wearing a smart dark shirt, walks in and thanks the guy for coming on such short notice. When you're providing that level of pleasure, there's no need for thanks, Lex. It turns out it's the professor who wrote the hieroglyphics book Clark was reading it. The professor says it's not often he's offered his weekly rate for a ten-minute consultation. He says he can't take on any new "endeavors" at this time. No one nice that I know calls stuff that they do "endeavors." Lex asks when the professor can start. "year," he says snidely. Lex asks if he can start tomorrow. Professor Snideface says he's going to Chile. I bet he's just going to Chili's for some southwestern chicken alfredo. Lex says he's sure Snideface can postpone his trip. Snideface says it's out of the question. I hate him and his snide face. "If you want the foremost authority in a field," Snideface says, as if talking to a deaf, dumb, and legless dog pulling a sled carrying a small, retarded child with scoliosis and bad dandruff, "you learn to wait." Lex says that, in his experience, when you want the best, you simply pay them what they're worth. Lex hands over a check. He should just keep oversized Publisher's Clearinghouse-sized checks behind his desk to make it a little more dynamic. Snideface says that rich men with delusions of grandeur rarely sway him with a checkbook. He tears up the check. See? He couldn't have done that so easily with a 5-foot-by-12-foot check. Lex hands over a brown envelope. "Does this sway you?" he asks. Snideface starts flipping through some photos of the cave drawings. After looking at two, he can already tell that they're "quite unique." He says it doesn't appear to be Native North American. "Or Mayan, for that matter," he says. Damn! I was hoping Clark and I might be related. He looks closely at the drawing of the snake wrapped around the figure that Clark is supposed to represent. I think the origins may be Pacific Northwestern Production Design Department. "These are. Amazing," Snideface says.

Chloe at The Torch. Clark, with a red backpack slung on his shoulder, asks if Chloe's seen Pete. Chloe says she asked him to help with a memorial issue, but he blew her off. Clark says that Pete's acting strange and that Travis/Trevor's death must have really gotten to him. Chloe says Pete tried to save him but couldn't get there in time. When did that happen? She says he feels guilty. Clark says it doesn't seem like it, and Chloe counters that people deal with grief in different ways. Chloe asks if Clark has any big plans for the weekend. Clark blows some air, but doesn't answer the question. Chloe turns away and goes to some files, upset. Clark asks about Travis/Trevor's death and the investigation. Chloe says the autopsy report was inconclusive, but that they found a small puncture wound on the back of his neck. It was where you pull the Nerd String to make him talk. She says his adrenal gland was unusually enlarged. That sounds pretty conclusive, from a medical standpoint. Clark says, so smartly, that adrenaline gives you a rush and maybe that's why he jumped. Chloe says he wasn't the only one who died. Someone from Grandville and someone from Smallville Community College (motto: Teaching the Rampaging Krypto-Mutants of Tomorrow) died. One dove into an empty pool and the other hit a tree with his Toyota. She says they had the same puncture wound, same enlarged adrenal gland, and exhibited the same strange behavior. That sounds like a pretty solid connection. Where are the police? I know they just lost a sheriff (sniff), but damn. Get the FBI up in this bitch. Clark says it's like they all had a death wish. Chloe says the police think it might be a new designer drug. Nerdstasy. She asks if Clark thinks Pete might have been affected. Clark says he needs to get Pete to a hospital. He leaves. Chloe is all sad.

Outside The Talon at night. Clark is heading over there when he hears someone yell, "Yo, Clark!" Clark looks across the street and it's Pete on top of a yellow Jeep, acting the fool. "What's up?" Pete yells. Clark tells Pete to get down from there. Is standing on a Jeep really that dangerous? Clark says he has to get Pete to the hospital, and that he thinks something happened to him at the rave. Pete says he'll be right there. He sees a big bus approaching. Uh oh. Pete hops in front of the speeding bus. "Nooooo!" Clark yells. He superzips over (without anyone on the street noticing) and pushes Pete out of the way. They fall to the ground together. Clark asks if Pete is okay. "Oh yeah!" Pete bellows. He says he wants to do it again. As people gather, Clark tries to drag Pete to the hospital. Pete insists he feels GAH-reat! Pete gets mad when Clark tries to pull him again, and says that if Clark takes another step, Pete is gonna expose his secret to all the people watching them. Clark pulls on Pete again and Pete starts yelling, "He's an alien! He's an alien!" Given that Pete is acting like a cokehead, nobody's gonna believe him. Pete runs through the crowd. Clark stands there and looks embarrassed.

Back inside the caves, Clark and Chloe are looking for answers. Chloe asks if Pete ever got to the hospital or if he's as "needle-phobic" as Clark is. Clark says that Pete hasn't been around, and that even his parents don't know where to find him. Chloe asks what they're looking for in the caves. Clark says that a reporter friend of his always told him to explore all options. Chloe smiles sweetly at the shout-out. They start looking around for clues. Chloe takes a digital snap of one of the cave drawings. She notices a crevice and sticks her hand in. Ooh, bad idea. She comes away with some sticky green stuff on her hand. She looks deep into the crevice and we hear, "Hey!" It's Snideface. He tells Chloe the cave is off-limits. "Why don't you find somewhere else to make out?" he asks. Snidely. Chloe winces. Snideface asks if she's all right. Her expression changes to dark and dangerous. Chloe takes off her jacket and says that, as for his snide remark, people haven't made out down there since the 20th century. "Now back off," she says and physically makes him do so. Clark comes around a corner and recognizes his favorite linguist. "Aaaay!" he says, all Fonzie, and identifies the guy. "You wrote that book!" Clark says. "I've written many books," Snideface says, in the most condescending way possible. "Did Lex Luthor hire you?" Clark asks. Speak of the sexy devil. Lex walks in and says that, thanks to Clark, he did. Lex says he wants Snideface to translate the pictographs for the preservation effort. Snideface says that no guided tours are allowed. Lex tells Snideface that these are friends of his, and that he didn't realize the guy had accepted his offer. Snideface has, but they do things on his terms. First term: All jocks and bullies must be hazed by the nerd fraternity in memory of Travis/Trevor. Snideface doesn't allow anyone but his crew on a work site. And, of course, pictograph groupies. Clark says he's the one who found the caves. Snideface says he doesn't care if Clark discovered the Shroud of Turin. Heh. He says that if Lex is unhappy with his method, he can take the first flight to Chile. Those bacon potato skins are beckoning. Lex takes a moment, then says, "I'm sorry, Clark." Clark whines, "Lex, you can't do this!" Lex says that they have to respect the way the guy works. Clark is crestfallen. "Hey, you get down from there!" Snideface calls out. He's talking to Chloe, who is on an upper level, to a cave drawing. Clark calls her down, too. Chloe swings provocatively on the rock and shimmies down, smiling. Snideface asks why she's smiling and asks for her photos. "Take your own," she says. I'm liking Cool Chloe. He asks for clarification. "You're the cunning linguist," she says. "Why don't you translate this? Kiss. My. Ass." Best. Line. Ever. Snideface is stunned. He's not used to dealing with icky girls who aren't his students and aren't cowed by his aggressive intellect. Clark and Chloe leave. Lex seems amused.

At the Barnness of Impending Baditude, Clark throws his jacket and starts skimming through some CDs. He must be trying to compile the upcoming show soundtrack. Pete suddenly pops in. He's mad that the Kents called his folks. Clark tells him to calm down, but Pete mocks him. Mean Pete. Clark says he's trying to help. Pete says for a guy who values his privacy, Clark really likes to stick his nose in people's business. Clark does an x-ray vision of Pete's chest and sees a slug-looking little parasite running around his insides. Pete looks down and touches his chest. "You x-rayin' me?" he asks. Clark panics and says Pete has to come with him. "Try and touch me, you freak!" Pete yells. He says that because Clark has all those powers, he always gets his way. Have you been watching the show, Pete? Clark almost never gets his way. And he pouts about it. A lot. Pete says he knows Clark's weakness. He pulls out a small box with some green meteor rock. He flashes it at Clark. Clark buckles and falls to the ground. "Feels gooooood, doesn't it?" EvilPete gloats. Clark writhes and moans. Pete closes the box and runs off. Clark tells him to come back. Pete does, but only to yell, "I'm serious! Come near me again and I'll start selling tickets to your storm cellar!" He flashes the green rock again. Ow. Pete runs away for real this time.

Caves. Snideface has some laptops set up, and a crew. They've got a grid projected on the cave wall, and he's talking about baselines and crap. Lex shows up. He got a message. Snideface says that Lex has to see something with his own eyes. He shows Lex a parasite he caught. It's in a large jar of what appears to be urine or pickle juice. He shows Lex some writing near the crevice. He doesn't know what it says, but he thinks it's some kind of warning against intruders. Or it's the castle of "Aaaaauuuuggghhhh --" Lex looks at the parasite. They don't know if it's poisonous. Snideface says they destroyed the hive with liquid nitrogen. Lex wonders if the tribe put the buggers there to ward off intruders. Lex says he wants live specimens sent to Cadmus Labs in Metropolis. We get a close-up of a nasty parasite in what I imagine to be Moe the bartender's pickled egg jar.

Clark walks into The Torch. He's about to tell Chloe he needs something, but whoa, what's this? Chloe's making out with some Ryan Seacrest-lookin' dude. Chloe stops kissing and says she's done. Chloe, sporting mondo Chloeavage, walks over to her desk. The pretty boy asks for her phone number. "Why?" she says. "The thrill is gone." Pretty Boy walks past Clark, all dejected. You should work on that thrill thing, dude. Clark asks who that guy was. Chloe says she doesn't know; she met him in the hall and asked if he wanted to do some investigative reporting. He asks if Chloe's all right. She says, "Don't tell me you're jealous. I thought you only had eyes for Lana." She says she heard about Clark's date, but he didn't have the guts to tell her about it. Clark asks if that's what this is about. Chloe, who's wearing hot red, tells him not to flatter himself and that she's just exploring her options. "So what can I do for you?" she says, not taking her eyes off Clark and sucking on a big, red lollipop. Oh. My. Haltingly, Clark asks about the back-of-the-neck wound that Travis/Trevor had. More lollipop sucking. Is it a Chupa Chup? As she pulls the lollipop out of her mouth, Chloe asks what orifice Clark pulled that theory from. Clark says that's harsh. Chloe says Clark doesn't put the mute button on his skepticism when Chloe takes a logic leap. Clark explains the theory of a parasite wanting more and more adrenaline. Chloe asks if they wouldn't have found the parasite in the autopsy. Not if it burrowed out, Clark says. Brilliant. Clark asks Chloe to talk to Pete about it. In a flirty way, she says, "I'll do it for you." Clark tells her just to get Pete to her house. "It's a date," Chloe says, and takes one last suck on the pop. I try to think unsexy thoughts.