Who Shot Papa Luthor?

S02E13

By Omar G

It was a dark and stormy night. Papa Luthor was in his study, scan-reading a book with his little electronic device. We pan across some bookshelves and a scary mask as lightning flashes. "That which is done out of love always exists beyond good and evil," the female device voice says. It's Beyond Good & Evil by our pal Friedrich Nietzsche. A phone rings. More lightning strikes. Papa Luthor -- wearing a crisp white shirt just begging for some staining -- answers the phone. As the camera pans back and he stands near a balcony edge, he tells the person on the phone to have his helicopter ready the morning. He's going back to Metropolis. He says he'll probably be alone, since he suspects that MamaKent is no longer "in [his] employ." Opera music is playing. Downstairs, a door opens. A shadow approaches. "Who's there?" Papa Luthor asks. He says that if it's a joke, he's not amused. What if it was the joke about the peanut walking down the street, and then he was assaulted? And how the peanut that did it was a-roasted? Still, he's not amused. "Is that you?" he asks. The shadow comes closer. Papa Luthor asks if he didn't make it clear that the conversation is over. I guess not, because two gunshots hit him -- one near the heart, one on the shoulder. Papa Luthor tumbles over the balcony and does a Chris Farley, right onto a glass table in slow motion. His hair flaps up and then lands perfectly back in place. More thunder and lightning. Papa Luthor moves his head slightly as the camera pulls back, showing him lying on the floor, Miss Scarlet-bloody.

Rain. Inside a red truck, Bo Duke is conked out. A flashlight shines upon his face. He wakes groggily. In one hand, he has a bottle of liquor. In the other, a gun. Bad, bad Bo. A police officer is on one side and from the other, someone announces through a bullhorn that he must get out of the truck and put down the gun. We pan back, and see that two officers are holding up guns on him. He gets out of the truck, spilling the liquor on the muddy ground. A helicopter is overhead. Ethan, our loyal copper, comes over and tells Bo Duke that everything will be fine if he keeps his hands where the cops can see them. Bo asks him what's going on. Ethan says that, as a friend, he's advising Bo Duke not to say anything until he gets a lawyer. He handcuffs Bo Duke. In slow motion, they lead Bo Duke to a police car as the rain pounds down and Ethan reads the Miranda rights. Opening credits.

Man, this episode's pretty serious so far, huh? And no Lana so far. Me likey. Commercials: remember when we still cared about The Osbournes? Like, two weeks ago?

We open on sad music and Bo Duke in a jail cell. He's wearing the orange jumpsuit. Wait, haven't I seen this before? I see from the credits that Jason Connery is back. Like the hospital, the jail is unusually colorful. Clark and MamaKent come up to the cell and ask how he's doing. He's in fucking jail. How do you think he's doing? Bo says he has a splitting headache. Then he asks how Papa Luthor's doing. MamaKent says he's in surgery and might not make it. Noooo! Bo asks about the gun in his truck. The gun's not in surgery. But it was the same one used to shoot Papa Luthor. Bo says it wasn't his gun, and that he has no idea how it got in his hands. We should ask your buddy, Mr. Jack Daniels. Clark asks what happened last night. Bo says he was out running some errands. Uh huh. "Errands." He says he went to the Wild Coyote for a beer. "Wild Coyote"? That's new. We suddenly flash to a grainy image of Bo having a beer at a bar. We flash back to it, and see him paying a bartender. It's very hazy, dream-like footage that we keep going back to. He says that things started to go woozy on him. Quick flash to him leaving the bar and then emerging from his truck in the rain onto what looks like the set of the rain scene in The Shawshank Redemption. MamaKent asks how many he had. He says he had half a beer. Yeah right, ya damn lush. He says the thing he knows, he's on the side of Highway 91, he's got the police light shining in his face, and it's raining. Sounds like a country song. MamaKent says they need a lawyer. She says she's going to call her dad to take the case. Bo says her dad has never believed him before: he doesn't suspect an attempted murder charge would change that. Clark suggests that maybe Lana's new dad could help. He used to be a criminal attorney. Sheriff Ethan comes up and tells MamaKent and Clark that they're going to have to leave now. No real reason is given. Bo goes right up to the bars. He looks like he's going to cry. He puts a hand down, and Clark puts his over it. Clark vows to find who did this. Bo nods. "Yeah," Bo says, short and clipped. He and MamaKent kiss through the bars.

At the green and purple hospital, Lex -- my favorite bald man about town -- walks in and says he just got in from Metropolis. Jason Connery himself, Dominic the Drone, is holding a chart. He's no doctor! When Lex asks how his dad is doing, Dominic says he's still in critical condition. He says that if the downstairs maid hadn't been awakened by the shot, Papa Luthor would be dead. When did they get a new maid? Lex says he wants round-the-clock security. Whoever shot his dad, Lex says, might still be out there. Or in here? Dominic tells Lex to save the concerned-son routine. He says he has everything under control. "The loyal lapdog sitting watch at his master's door secretly hoping he doesn't make it?" Lex asks. Nice. Dominic reminds Lex that Lex almost let his dad die once, and who's to say he didn't come back to finish the job? Another nice one. Battle of the WB Network snappy innuendo! Dominic says that after the day before, Lex would have had enough reason to want Papa Luthor dead. Lex grabs Dominic suddenly and slams him against the wall. Sexy! Lex says, very forcefully, that what he finds so amusing about Dominic is that he actually thinks Papa Luthor is grooming him. Lex lets go of the guy's suit. Dominic says it's unfortunate that they already have someone in custody. He says he can't think of a better person than Lex to have a killing motive. Dominic walks off. Pissily.

The Talon. Clark, Lana, and Lana's biological dad are sitting at a table. In between bites of naturefied granola, Henry Small says he's sorry about Clark's dad, but can't represent him. Lana asks why. Small says he's not the right man. Clark says it sounds like he's the perfect guy. The ass...er, I mean, the Small guy says he can offer some referrals. When Lana protests, he gets up and says that his decision's final. Jerk! "Just when I thought I was getting to know him," Lana excretes. Yes. Let's focus on you again, Lana. How I've missed this. Clark, disappointed, says they need to find another lawyer. Lana says there's something she has to tell him. She says she went by the mansion the day before to drop off The Talon's quarterly tax bills. She says Bo was there. And he was yelling at Papa Luthor.

We flash to the high-exposure scene of Lana walking in. She's wearing a nice brown coat that suits her better than her usual pink wardrobe. She walks in on lightning, and on Bo yelling at Papa Luthor. "You're jumping to conclusions!" Papa Luthor says loudly. He says that something was just a token of appreciation. Bo says it was more than that. I think they're talking about the watch Papa Luthor gave MamaKent last week. Papa Luthor chuckles and says that an expensive watch like that is the equivalent of a Whitman's Sampler from Bo. Ha! You bastard! Bo mutters under his breath, "You arrogant, condescending son of a..." Say, it, Bo, say it! As Papa Luthor walks off, Bo tells him that the worst thing that ever happened to his family was getting involved with the Luthors. Papa Luthor says that the benefits were mutual. He reminds Bo, as Lana stands in the hall listening, about Clark's adoption. Bo says that Papa Luthor's poison, and that the town would be better off without him. Papa Luthor says that's partly Bo's fault. He says that MamaKent was worried Bo wouldn't be, um, "big enough." Daaaaaaamn! He concludes that sentence by adding, "to let her live her own life." But the damage is done. Bo tells Papa Luthor to stay away from MamaKent. "Or you will live to regret it!" Bo yells. I thought they decided last week that working for Papa Luthor was a good idea.

We come back to Very Pink Lana. She says that Bo threatened Papa Luthor. Clark, confused, says Bo told Clark he'd been running errands. Errands of the heart? Clark wonders why Bo would lie to him. Lana says she spoke to Sheriff Ethan earlier and told him what she just told Clark. She says she didn't want to say anything, but she couldn't lie. Clark says it's fine. He says that Lana knows his dad wouldn't try to kill anyone. "Right?" he asks. Lana says he was angry, but adds, "I know him. And there's no way." She could have been one of O.J.'s friends. Clark thanks her. Deep eye gazes.

Kent home. The police are bagging up evidence. One of them lazily looks in a drawer and then closes it. "Hey, what's with all this cow paraphernalia?" one of them whispers. "It's kind of creepy. Almost as bad as when we found all those copies of Inch magazine over at the Luthor castle." Clark walks in on this. "Mom?" he calls out. "What's going on?" Oh, mercy, mercy me. Radiation in the ground, Clark. MamaKent comes over and tells him that the cops have a search warrant. Clark examines the warrant, as if he has some sort of legal training that could help him overturn it. Sheriff Ethan comes over. He's holding a baggie. He says he found a watch on the floor. MamaKent says simply that it was a gift. "From who?" he asks. Long pause. Even Clark is interested. More of a pause. Clark, annoyed, says it was from Papa Luthor. MamaKent looks embarrassed. Ethan reads the inscription out loud: "To Martha, with deepest affection, L.L." MamaKent says she was going to give it back because she knew Bo Duke would be furious if he saw it. So you kept it? Silly, silly woman. She says she hid it in her dresser. So, of course, when Bo Duke was looking for some panties to wear...you know what? I just completely grossed myself out. Let's move on. Ethan says gravely that Bo Duke must have found it. "Ethan," MamaKent begins and says that Ethan has known Bo since high school. Ethan, with his sad basset-hound eyes, says that he can't let his friendship get in the way of his job. Ethan says it looks like motive. "He found a watch and smashed it!" MamaKent explains. The hole you're digging? Deeper. She says that doesn't mean he's a killer. Ethan says he also had an argument with Papa Luthor the day before. MamaKent is surprised by that. Clark says that Lana was there too. Ethan says the argument was so "heated" (oh really?) that one of Papa Luthor's lackeys called in to get a restraining order. Ethan says that Bo Duke was "still hot under the collar when he got to the Wild Coyote." That is a line I never thought I would write in a Smallville recap. Ethan says that the bartender told him Bo got pretty drunk.

Cut to: Bo getting pretty drunk. He downs a beer in this horror-movie-looking bar. A flashing neon sign says, "Cold Beer." This is one of those times I actually wish there were product placement. Like, "Schlitz: The Beer of Champions (and cow lovers)." Bo puts down his beer glass and tells Mike the Bartender to get him a double shot of "that tequila." Go Bo! We see two more beer signs that are generic and just say "Beer." Bo does a double shot and puts the shot glass in the beer glass.

Cut back to Clark. He says his dad said he only had one beer. Bo said he had half a beer, Clark. You just made things twice as bad for his case. Ethan says he administered the blood-alcohol test himself. Bo was at "2.0." Ooh, I'm liking this new Bo Duke, Version 2.0: With expanded drunkard capabilities and prison soap-dropping action hands. Ethan says that's quite a bit more than one beer. Hell, that's death! Ethan says it sounds like Bo was "spoiling for a fight."

Cut to Bo at the bar, saying that Papa Luthor is nothing but a miserable, lying, son of a bitch. Version 2.0 is working out just fine, thanks. I think we're going to have to purchase the full enterprise solution. If Lana 2.0 is out there, I'd definitely order in the upgrade. The bartender can't argue with the whole "son of a bitch" statement. Bo takes another tequila shot. Muy macho! And another! Que caliente! Bo is shitty about the face. He asks for more. The bartender tries to cut him off. Bo asks him to sell the whole bottle. Bo pulls out a $20. He's probably paying, like, $5 a shot. Considering that there are about twenty shots in a bottle, that's not exactly a good deal for the bartender, now, is it? Bo shoves the $20 in Mike's front pocket. He takes the nozzle off the tequila bottle. He takes the bottle and says they've been friends a long time (which is why this is the first we've heard of him and his bar); Bo says nobody's gonna know. Except everyone else in the bar overhearing this. Bo puts the bottle under his coat (no cap on it, though), and exits.

Outside, there's lightning and rain. We see Bo pull his truck over. He pulls a gun from the glove compartment. Takes a long swig of tequila. Leaves the truck. Puts a magazine in the gun.

We go inside Luthor mansion and see Papa Luthor asking again, "Is that you?" He says again that the conversation is over. Bo Duke is pissed. He shoots twice. Papa Luthor falls over again and crashes. Back and to the left. Back and to the left. From the balcony, Bo aims the gun at the fallen body. He's wet and he's a murderer. Well, that's one point of view.

Ethan says there were eyewitnesses who saw Bo leaving the mansion after the gunshots. He says that forensics found powder residue on Bo's hands. He says that, for now, Bo Duke is their only suspect. Clark looks dramatic as the camera comes to him. He looks up for a quick moment, like, "Hi, audience!" and then we black out. Commercials

I'm doing an experiment with The Jamie Kennedy Experiment in which I never, ever watch it. So far, my experiment is a complete success.

A patch of highway-area urbanized land. Some train cars are in the background. A sweet hot red sports car pulls up and...Pete? When did Pete get this sweet ride? I thought he had a truck. Pete and Clark get out of the car. Pete asks what they're looking for. Clark says the police searched this area, but they have an advantage the police don't. Super Gaydar? Clark skims the area with his x-ray vision. Pete asks whether Clark is doing "the eye thing." Wearing a bright yellow jacket (very inconspicuous, that), Pete says he needs Clark to do that in his back yard where he once buried a jar of quarters and couldn't find it later. Cute comic relief. Clark goes to where his dad's truck was parked. He scans a broken-down house and sees a bullet lodged deep into some wood. Clark raises his eyebrows. He says they need to get the sheriff out there to dig it out.

On the road, in Pete's sweet ride. Pete says he doesn't mean to rain on Clark's "C.S.I. parade," but all that proves is that somebody shot a bullet into a house. Clark connects the dots on the gunpowder residue and his dad saying he'd never seen the gun before. "So?" Pete asks. Clark surmises that somebody drugged his dad and followed him till he pulled over.

Cut to rainy footage of somebody using Bo Duke's hand to shoot the gun. We come back into the car to Clark, who thinks that showing the police a bullet is going to convince them that Bo Duke was framed. Judging from the expression on Pete's face, he thinks this is a dumb idea, too.

Hospital. A doctor is telling Lex and Sheriff Ethan that the bullet in Papa Luthor damaged his kidney and slowed his metabolism. "He's in a coma," the doctor tells them. And he's going to get fat. Lex asks what's going to happen. The doctor says that Papa Luthor's higher brain functions (the "Magnifulla Oblongbastarda" functions) are shutting down, and that if he doesn't improve in the twenty-four hours, he's a goner. Lex is sad. Clark walks up to them and asks if he can have a word with Sheriff Ethan. Lex excuses himself. Lex walks right past Clark without even a slightly sexy look. He must be really upset. Clark tells Ethan about the bullet in the shack. He says that his men looked the area over with a microscope. Uh. Huh. Microscope, eh? Clark says they must have missed it. He shares his theory about somebody shooting the gun from his dad's hand. Where is Chloe in all this? Shouldn't she be the one making the smart connections? And trying to interview Clark? Ethan says that the bullet could be from Bo or from a completely different weapon...except, there are ways to tell if a bullet came from a specific gun. Every gun leaves a sort of fingerprint on a shot bullet. I'm amazed that Ethan (or the Smallville writers) doesn't know this. Or maybe they're smart by trying to make Ethan mislead Clark here. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Ethan says that it won't prove anything, but that he'll go out there and have it tested. Aw, what a guy! Dominic comes up just then and says that he needs to talk to Ethan, explaining that he's Papa Luthor's lackey. Ethan sure is popular today. Ethan tries to excuse Clark, but Dominic says he can stay. He says he doesn't think Bo Duke shot Papa Luthor. Dominic the Defender! He says he's pretty sure he knows who did do it. So who, Dominic. Who?

Flashback to Papa Luthor and Dominic walking in to Lex's castle office. Everything is sepia-toned. Papa Luthor asks what's so important that he had to fly in. He says that he's missing La Bohème. Oh poor you. Lex says he wants to put a curtain call on their own private opera. He asks that Papa Luthor's "seeing-eye dog" wait outside. Hee. Papa Luthor says that anything Lex has to say, he can say in front of Dominic. He puts a hand on the lackey's shoulder to make the point. That's Papa Luthor's big thing these days to make Lex jealous: putting his hand on younger men's shoulders. Lex says that an offshore shell company rep who looks like Dominic has been buying up shares of stock from Lex's employees. Lex says he didn't think they were selling. Papa Luthor walks away and tells Lex not to be a sore loser. He says he's trying to get Lex to realign his priorities. Papa Luthor says that Lex forming his own company was the expense of their mutual goals. He's standing by the fire, and between that and the lightning flashing, he looks positively Satanic. Lex says that the only thing they share is a mutual enmity. Now what is that again? (Goes to look it up.) Oh. That's bad. Lex gives Dominic a stare-down. He tells Papa Luthor that the whole father-son reconciliation was a smokescreen to get at those shares. That wily Papa Luthor! Always after me lucky shares! Papa Luthor says that if Lex were really ready to run that company, there's no way he could have taken it. Ooh, burn. Papa Luthor says that this is an opportunity to work together again. Lex says that when he broke free, he swore he'd never be under the old man's thumb again. Papa says that Lex can rise to the challenge. Lex says that his ego would never allow it. "I'll fight you and I'll win," he says. A battle of wills! I love it! Papa Luthor says that Lex had better back that up, because as of that moment, Lex is just another employee. An employee who's not working for him?

We flash back to Clark and Dominic. "All Lex had to do was wait until Lionel was alone."

We flash right back to Papa Luthor on that balcony, except this time, Rashomon-style, it's Lex pulling the trigger.

We come back to Dominic again. He says that Lex could have framed Bo Duke, then driven his girlfriend to Metropolis. "A convenient alibi," he says. But I thought Lex's girlfriend lived in Smallville. Ethan says he'll look into that. He leaves. Clark says that even though they've had their differences, it's hard to believe Lex could do that. Dominic tells Clark to face it: "In your heart, you've always known what Lex is capable of." Not just in his heart!

The Torch. Chloe is at a light table, putting together a front page with a big picture of Bo and the headline, "Jonathan Kent arrested in Luthor shooting." There's also a headline about a local hacker saving City Hall from a computer virus. Chloe is wearing a very tight top. She's also got red streaks in her hair. Lana walks by the hall and comes in. Why is Chloe sad and Lana's all cheery? Chloe says that sometimes being an objective journalist really sucks. Preach it! Lana says she can't believe her flaky sperm-donor dad didn't take Bo's case. Chloe says that people usually hate it when she does this, but she thought it was weird that he didn't take the case too, so she ran a search on Henry Small's legal history. You bastard! Since Lana's not freaking out, Chloe continues. Lana wants to know. Chloe smiles and pulls out some files. She says that Henry used to be a top white-collar criminal defense lawyer. He used to do a lot of business with LuthorCorp. Chloe even has a purple file folder for that. Lana asks if maybe Henry thought it was a conflict of interest. Chloe says that it's not much different from all the other times he's taken on the Luthors. Chloe says that LuthorCorp filed a complaint against Henry that got him fired from his law firm. Lana says that explains why he hates the Luthors, but not why he won't take the case. Chloe says that her computer only spits out facts; if Lana wants motivation, she has to go ask Henry.

Lex is back at his office. He concludes a phone conversation by telling a doctor to keep him posted. Clark busts in through the airtight security. He says that Dominic told him Lex and his dad got into a fight right before the shooting. "Why didn't you tell the police?" Clark demands. Lex asks if Clark is implying that Lex pulled the trigger. "It's not like I haven't seen you shoot someone before," Clark says. Holy crap! How many deaths have you caused yourself, you dumb, super ass? Your death toll is pretty high, too. Lex tells Clark to get out before he says something he'll really regret. Clark says he wants answers. "Are you trying to frame my dad?" Clark asks. Lex gets up, pissed, and says he thought Clark knew him better than the average tabloid reader. Clark tells Lex that if he doesn't get the truth from him, what else is he supposed to think? Lex tells Clark to stay out of it. Clark says that his dad's life is at stake here. "So is my father's!" Lex yells. Clark looks at Lex with sudden empathy and understanding. He wants to kiss him so badly it hurts him in a super place. Lex says, "Goodbye, Clark." Clark leaves. Lex looks after him sadly. Then he looks up toward the scene of the crime.

Prison cell blues. We start on Bo Duke's ring finger and work our way up to his orange jumpsuit. I would love it if he just busted out "Jailhouse Rock." I know he wants to. He needs a shave. MamaKent comes up to the cell. She calls him "sweetheart" and asks how he's holding up. Well, the prison rapes haven't started yet, but the guard beatings have. Oh, and he's gonna need a spoon so he can work on a shiv. Bo, without looking up, says that having time in jail gives you time to reflect on the mistakes you've made. When R. Kelly's in jail, I'm sure that's all he thinks about, playing all of his mistakes in his head over and over again in intimate detail. MamaKent asks why Bo didn't tell her he had a fight with Papa Luthor. Bo says it's because he was angry. He says he was jealous when he found that watch. He says it reminded him of all the things he couldn't give her: "For the first time, I felt like I was losing you." Aw, Bo. Come here. You need a hug. MamaKent is red-nosed. Bo says he's sorry. She asks why. Bo gets up and goes to the bars. He says he's sorry for not having faith in their love. And for giving in to his own petty fears. And for all that cow sex. He says that all it takes is one reckless moment to ruin everything. MamaKent assures him that he didn't shoot Papa Luthor. You sure on that? Bo agrees. But he says he did let his anger get the best of him. He says he hasn't kept it a secret and that he's worried that a jury won't believe him now.

The Wild Coyote. From the outside, it looks a lot like a place in Austin called The Broken Spok. As they drive up in Pete's candy-red mobile, Pete says he knows this place. He says his brother used to come there in high school and that they never checked IDs. Clark asks how they got away with that. "Good luck. Connections," Pete says. Clark supposes that if somebody drugged his dad, it would have been there.

Clark and Pete walk inside, and a guy in a supremely gay denim shirt (rose accents on the shoulders? My goodness. It's one of those cowboy bars) watches them come in from the daylight outside. He lets them know he doesn't serve minors. But Clark is at least twenty-six! Clark says he wants to ask some questions. He says he's Bo Duke's son. The bartender, a chunkified dude, says he's sorry about Bo Duke. Clark asks if the bartender remembers Bo talking to anyone at the bar that night. Bartender says that Bo was talking to everyone and blowing off steam. He says it sounded like Bo had a run-in with Papa Luthor. Clark says that Bo bought a bottle of tequila from him. Doughy Bartender says he wishes now he hadn't done that. Where else is he gonna get tequila in the middle of Kansas? He says that the cops want him to testify and that he could lose his liquor license. Clark says he's never seen his dad drink more than one or two beers. What about "Nicodemus"? Clark asks if the bartender is sure nobody put something in Bo's drink. Bartender says nobody put anything in Bo's drink, the way he was knocking them back. Bartender says he's sure Clark doesn't want to hear this, but that his dad says he was going to "take care" of Papa Luthor once and for all. And not in the comforting sense. Clark says his dad wouldn't say that. The bartender says he's known Bo since high school and that there's no doubt he did it, given Bo's temper. Clark loses his own and picks up the bartender, shoving him against some crashing glasses. "You're just as bad as your old man!" the doughy guy yells. Pete comes over and tells Clark to "let him go, man." Pete tells Clark to "be cool." Right. They leave.

In the car. Clark thinks the bartender's lying. He thinks the guy spiked Bo's drink. You think he raised the Roofie? Pete gets pissy at Clark for once. He says he's down with Clark, but putting a bartender through the spin cycle isn't the most intelligent thing to do right now. Clark says he's sorry. Suddenly, an eighteen-wheeler is approaching on the road. It's in their lane. Clark tells Pete to look out. They swerve. The truck goes off the road and flies! We get an under-the-car view in slow motion of the car sailing through the air. It's the General Lee! The car lands with a hard crash onto dirt. Clark and Pete are seatbelted, so there's no harm done. The rig stops in the middle of the road. A guy in fatigues and a black ski mask gets out of the eighteen-wheeler and aims a sniper rifle at the car. We follow the bullet in CGI-motion. It strikes the fuel tank and the car explodes. In quick motion, Clark kicks out the door, grabs Pete, leads him out, and dry-humps on top of him. There's fire all around them. Clark doesn't completely cover Pete, so wouldn't he at least get a tiny burn? Wouldn't their clothes be incinerated? The car is quickly substituted for an old, wrecked car in the shot. Pete and Clark get up, unharmed. Pete states the obvious: He says that Clark must have ticked somebody off. Commercials

Shirtless Pete is at the hospital, getting examined by a doctor who's not Lex's girlfriend. Pete looks back, and Clark is watching him through the blinds. Is that legal? Lex comes up and tells Clark he heard they had a narrow escape. "What do you care?" Clark asks. Lex says it could be connected to the shooting. He says he told Clark to stay out of it. Clark asks if it's so that Lex can control the situation. Ohhhh. Clark is submissive. Lex says he's not controlling anything. Clark says he doesn't know what to believe. "Dominic must have made quite an impression," Lex says. Jealous? Clark says this has nothing to do with Dominic. Or Alfonz. Or Tony. Or Nadine, the cross-dresser. Lex says that Dominic asked the hospital staff to keep Lex away from his dad. "Why do you think that is?" Lex asks. Lex says that if his dad wakes up, he'll be able to identify who shot him. Clark asks why Dominic would turn against Papa Luthor.

We sepia-flash to Dominic meeting with Papa Luthor -- the part where Papa Luthor is chewing out Lex and calling him just another employee. Lex says he's going to Metropolis, and when he comes back, he wants Papa Luthor gone. Lex goes out into the hall. He comes back as Dominic and Papa Luthor are arguing. Dominic is mad that Lex is being given another chance. Papa Luthor said he gave Lex a taste of independence to give him a taste of the futility of working against Papa Luthor. Evil! Papa Luthor says he always intended to bring Lex back into the fold. Dominic is mad. He says that promises were made. Papa Luthor says that Dominic has been loyal. But Lex is blood. Dominic says he's worked too long to have everything taken from him. He sees Lex. "I forgot my keys," Lex says.

Cut back to Clark at the hospital. "You think he was angry enough to shoot your father?" Clark asks. Cut to Dominic shooting Papa Luthor. Lex says that taking over a billion-dollar company is a powerful incentive. He says that all Dominic needed was someone to blame. Cut to Bo in a bar and the bartender spiking his drink. Dominic getting tequila.

Clark asks why Lex didn't tell him this sooner. Lex says his company was taken over the same day. Clark, pissed, says that while Lex was playing it "close to the vest," Clark's dad was sitting in jail. Clark asks how long Lex was gonna vest it. Lex says until he knew Bo Duke didn't do it. Lex says now he knows. He knew the shooting was related to the buyout and he needed the shooter to make a mistake. Clark asks if Lex is trying to kill him and Pete. Lex just sighs. "So what now?" Clark asks.

Talon. Biological Flaky Lawyer Dad comes in. He got Lana's message. She says she knows about the complaint Papa Luthor filed against him that got him fired lo these many years ago. He's mad that Lana's been snooping into his life. Lana blah blahs about how dads and daughters have to be honest with each other. Shut it, Lana. He says he didn't ask her to come barging into his life. All faux haughty, Lana says she won't be imposing again. On us or on him? Lana goes and cries. Henry says that Papa Luthor had nothing to do with this. His getting fired was just one more bad thing the Luthors did to him. The real reason he won't take Clark's case is because he once badly defended someone who got executed, and then found out five years later that the guy was innocent. Since then, he's only practiced law from his home office. Boo hoo, lawyer man. Lana says he can't hide from the past.

Clark at the police station. Biological Flaky Lawyer Dad and Lana are there. He's changed his mind and agreed to take Bo's case. Clark is glad. Clark asks how Lana got him to change his mind. She says they set some ground rules about being honest with each other. No, really? How did you do it?

Jail. Lawyer Dad is telling Bo that they're gonna have a bail hearing, and that with Bo's standing in the community, he'll probably be out by supper. Good, because if there's one thing Bo loves, it's supper. And cows. Clark says there's good news from Lex, too: Papa Luthor is getting better and will probably regain consciousness soon. Clark says that maybe he can ID his shooter. "That's a big 'if,' given his blindness," Lawyer Dad says. Ha! That was unintentionally funny. Laywer Dad says they're not clear yet. He says Lex's alibi checks out, but that Dominic's is flimsy. The lawyer says it's going to be tough checking it out because the bartender has disappeared. Damn.

Clark and Pete are breaking and entering. They're at the Coyote. And it's ugly. Pete asks if breaking in is really necessary. Clark says the police checked this place like they checked the area his dad was arrested. Give them a fucking break, Clark! They don't have x-ray vision! Clark looks around. He notices a freezer. Uh oh. He calls for Pete. He breaks a lock on it. Opens it. It's got a glowing green light inside. Also a dead, frozen body. With lots of food stacked on top. "Man, talk about sleeping with the fishes," Pete says. You can shut up now, Pete. I know we wanted you to talk more this season, but we now realize it was the wrongest kind of wish. Clark finds a photo right above the freezer on a bulletin board. Clark looks at the picture and says he knows who shot Papa Luthor. Was it Maggie Simpson? It was, wasn't it?

Hospital. We finally see an exterior shot. It says, "Smallville Medical Center (come here if your truck blew up)." Papa Luthor's room. A shadowy figure holding a shadowy gun sneaks into the dark room. It stalks the shape under the bed covers. The blinds are drawn closed. The gun turns. Three shots are fired into the bed. Suddenly, Clark appears, turning on the lights. "Lex had his father moved from another floor," he says. Busted! Clark pulls down the covers. It's just pillows. Ferris Bueller would be proud. Clark says they put the word out that Papa Luthor was getting better hoping it would draw out the shooter. Clark says he kept hoping he was wrong. The shooter tries to bring the gun around, but Clark beats him to it and crushes the hand. It's Sheriff Ethan! Nooooooo! But I loved'ded him! Clark throws him about the room. "What the hell?" Ethan moans. Clark says that the bartender and Ethan were high-school buddies, and they were more than friends. (I can't make this stuff up, people.) Clark says they were business partners. Ethan says he can explain. "Explain how a bar with repeated violations stays open?" Clark asks. He sounds like Maude Flanders now. Clark says Ethan cunningly put all the evidence against Bo Duke.

Flash to the drink being spiked, Ethan taking the tequila bottle, the truck, Ethan planting evidence, Ethan firing the weapon. It's all coming together now. Flash to Ethan shooting Papa Luthor. Falling off the balcony. Back and to the left.

Clark says that Ethan faked the blood-alcohol test, and then came after Clark when Clark started catching on. Ethan says it's not just about him. He says that the Luthors are like a cancer, destroying everything they touch. Clark says that the Luthors didn't kill anyone, and they didn't frame his dad. Ethan starts to blubber and cry. "What have I done?" he asked. I am sickened watching it.

Kent Farm. Clark is up in the Barnness of Soon-to-be-Gayitude reading what looks like a yearbook. Lex comes up. Oh my. He says he wanted to see if Clark's dad is doing okay. Clark says that Bo says he's all right. Lex says it doesn't sound like Clark's convinced. Clark says he found the yearbook for his dad's senior class. Bo and Ethan were buddies. "To Jonathan: A great quarterback, a better friend. Ethan." Clark says you grow up with someone and you think you know them: "Darkness like that just doesn't come out of nowhere." Nope, it takes about four seasons. Long look from Lex. "Sorry about your company," Clark says after a pause. He asks what'll happen . Lex says his dad thinks Lex will come back and work for him. Clark asks if he will. Lex says it's hard to imagine working for someone who could give four people motivation to kill him. Word. "Even you," Clark says. Several small almost-Gayest looks. Lex says that the darkness Clark was talking about is something he doesn't think people are born with. He says people like Papa Luthor find a way to bring it out. "So, we okay?" Lex asks. Oh hell yeah. Clark says he wishes he could help with Papa Luthor. Lex says he can take him. He stares at Clark with barn-burning amour. It's The Gayest Look of the Episode.

Hospital. Lex is visiting Papa Luthor. Papa's in a neck brace. "Dad?" Lex says. Papa Luthor's voice is raspy. He says that Lex has had a busy few days. Lex tells him that Ethan has been charged with murder and attempted murder. With a small smile, Papa says, "It truly is a sad day in Smallville." Lex says the truth will come out eventually, but that he'd like to hear it from Papa Luthor first. Papa Luthor clears his throat and says they just had a misunderstanding.

The camera pans down the bed and we transition to Ethan getting in to Papa Luthor's limo. "Sheriff," he greets. Ethan has brought some documents. "These are all good people. They just happened to have made a few mistakes," Ethan says. Papa Luthor says we're all only human. Papa Luthor says these "good people" sit on the board of his son's company and need a little incentive to sell their shares to him. Ooh! Evil! Ethan says goodbye. Papa Luthor hopes it'll be the beginning of a long relationship. Ethan says it's just for this one time. Papa asks if that proviso came before or after he asked for cash in advance. This is so evil. Ethan says he was strapped. "But don't think you own me," he says. Ethan says he's kept track of Papa Luthor's backdoor shenanigans (boy, howdy!), and that he'll make a phone call if he has to. "Would that be to your attorney?" Papa Luthor asks. Because the attorney passed along Ethan's documented evidence. So this is what it's like to crush a tiny man. Ethan is worried. Papa Luthor says that his reputation in Smallville is not important, but for Ethan it's his "lifeblood." "Sheriff. That's an elected position, isn't it?" he asks. Oh man. Ethan tells Papa Luthor not to threaten him and calls him a son of a bitch. Papa chuckles. "Good evening, Sheriff," he responds. Ethan angrily gets out of the limo.

Back in the hospital. "So you took an honest man and destroyed him. And by proxy, almost ruined Jonathan Kent. How does it feel, Dad, knowing you brought this on yourself?" Lex says. Papa Luthor says he didn't. Lex brought it on with his "ill-advised company coup." Lex just stares down. Lex asks whether Papa Luthor actually believes that. Papa says he forgives Lex. "Now it's time to look to the future," Papa Luthor says, "together." Lex gulps. He turns away and leaves. We pan closer to Papa Luthor in bed. He taps his chest in an evil way. The end.

Holy crap! Eeeeeevil!

week: Bad Clark, bad Chloe, and bad Pete! Another flying car! Chloe licks a lollipop! Folks, I cannot wait.