First off, a shout-out to the folks in the editorial issues thread in the Feedback forum. If you spot any typos in this recap, they're directly attributable to the turkey gravy I just spilled all over my keyboard. Misspellicious.
I'll admit it. I'm a little excited. The preview for this episode was good and creepy and it looks like someone close to Clark Kent may die. We can only hope it's Chloe.
The episode begins with a shot of a bridge over a likely troubled pond. (Wanna make a bet whether there's kryptonite in there?) We cut to a shot of a big, old building with tons of columns in the front. It looks a bit like Lara Croft's house. Inside, as hospital-sounding voices float through a P.A. system, our wussy superhero (I like to call him "Man of Steel Magnolias") is walking down the hall with Sneaky Pete. Clark has a name tag on his blue jacket, which he's, of course, wearing over a red sweater with a white undershirt peeking through above the collar. Pete, passing an old man with a walker, asks how Clark talked him into this. Clark says they're required to do thirty hours of community service for their school. Did every student at Smallville High spraypaint a building or something? Pete says they could have done their mandatory time as lifeguards, watching the babes at the Y. Now, Pete, you know better than to win an argument with Clark by bringing babes into the equation. That's like trying to win an argument with a vegetarian by throwing beef jerky at him. "...instead of hanging out with the denture crowd," Pete finishes, his discomfort with the elderly clearly evident, and the snark of Chloe following him like a stinkcloud. Pete asks what's the attraction of being at the old folks' home. Just then, Lana Lang appears from a doorway. She says hi. Clark slyly says he didn't know Lana volunteered there. "Yeah, right," Pete mumbles, and Clark gives him a subtle elbow. Only, if this were true to Clark's strength, Pete would be flying through a window right now. Lana says she's been volunteering for weeks. Clark says he's reading with a woman named Cassandra. "She's an interesting woman," Lana says. "Some of the nurses say she can see the future." Which nurse would that be? Nurse Exposition? Clark and Pete exchange a look. Pete points his finger around a little, with no real direction or purpose. If Lex were doing that, you know we'd all be at attention right now.
Cut to a very old woman reading Braille out of a book. Only, it looks as if her finger is lighting up the page as she runs it across the page, like she's E.T. We pan up to her face, and she is, indeed, old. She's got that skull-mouth thing where her jaw juts out. She's wearing these huge dark glasses that seem very cool, as if she's going to bust out "Georgia on My Mind." "It takes two of you to read to me now, does it?" she says in an easily imitatable, quavery, old-woman voice. Pete and Clark, who we see are standing at the door, look at each other in surprise. Cassandra invites them in. When Clark asks how she knew there were two of them, she says she's blind, but not deaf. In fact, she could hear the creepy show music and infer that an encounter with two young bucks was imminent. She could also hear their shoes squeaking down the hall. Pete blurts out a question: can she tell the future? "Way to go, Pete, real subtle," Clark says. Cassandra asks Pete his name. She's got her glasses off now and looks, if it's even possible, to have aged another seventy years. She tells Pete that if he wants his fortune told, he should go to the circus. Then she drops her book in a very purposeful way; when Pete moves to pick it up, the dark music of foreboding plays. As he reaches down, Cassandra leans forward and, with all her special hearing abilities, finds his hand, clasping her own around it. Chimes play, signifying a magical encounter. "It's a long walk home," she says, channeling Christopher Walken in The Dead Zone. "Check your pockets." Pete does as more chimes play. He realizes he locked his keys in his car. "Dude, you're on your own," Sneaky Pete says, leaving the scene to the professionals. Incidentally, my friend Mical does a great Christopher Walken: "Your house. It's on...fire. And...your daughter...your daughter's in...DANGER!" Cassandra gets up from her chair, smiles at Clark, and asks him his name. He smiles back real big, but not with his superwhite teeth.
Lana is pushing a cart into a room where sheet music is on a stand and classical is playing from a record player. She announces herself. A man with a big, round face, who's sitting in a wheelchair, closes his eyes and holds up his hand, telling her to hold on a sec. Dude, you're not Hannibal Lecter yet. Then he shuts off his record player and turns around to face her. "The Langs moved to Smallville in 1938," he says in his gravelly voice. He tells her the Langs took over some local farms. Lana smiles and calls him a history buff. "It's kind of my obsession," he tells her, and I'm amazed there's no foreboding sound cue here. "Are you my victim?" he asks. Lana says he doesn't look very scary. "You should have known me in my younger days," he tells her. She tells him she's sure he was quite the heartbreaker. I'm not sure that's exactly what he meant. He suggests that they take a spin around the grounds to catch up on Lang family history. He just wants to hear how her parents got flapjacked by that meteor. Lana smiles in agreement, her pretty face splitting open and revealing an even prettier face inside that mere human beings cannot look at directly.
Outside on the pond-bridge. Pretty fall colors in the trees. Wait, so last week's episode took place in winter, but now it's fall again? Lana comments on how pretty the area looks. Crusty Old Man tells her that most people stay at home and watch TV. Especially on Tuesday nights. Crusty Old Man asks Lana if she'll go back to his room and get him a scarf because he's afraid he'll catch a chill. How do you catch a chill? Is that like getting the heat sucked out of you by a kryptonite monster who wants to stay warm? Lana says, "Sure!" in her bright voice, and takes off, leaving Crusty Old Man to fish some cigarettes and a lighter from his robe pockets. Naughty Crusty Man. As he tries to light, he drops his Zippo and then has to lean over to retrieve it from the ground.
Quick cut to Cassandra and Clark. He's supposed to be reading, but nothing's been said, and Cassandra starts coughing roughly. She asks for a glass of water. She stands to drink, and as she reaches for the glass, it falls between them.
Cut from the falling glass to Crusty Old Man reaching down for the lighter.
Back to the falling glass.
Lighter.
Glass shattering.
Crusty Old Man leans to the side and tips over his wheelchair. It falls into the pond with him, and we see the water electrified by the wheelchair's supposed motor. There's lots of blue electricity as Crusty Old Man (now Crispy Old Man) lies, face down, on the surface of the water. Small explosion.
Cut to Cassandra, looking scared.
Cut back to the bloated face of Crusty Old Man, as we look up from the bottom of the pond. His face morphs to that of a younger man. Cut to an overhead shot panning down quickly to show Young Crusty Man getting up from the water. He rises, with thick moppy hair, and looks around. He starts to laugh-cackle. He splashes some water with his hand and laughs some more. His clothes fit him perfectly, even though he looks about sixty pounds lighter than the more rotund older man he was just seconds before. The clothes must have shrunk in the water. We pan down the length of the pond to a rock with kryptonite embedded in it right on the top of the water.
Cassandra smiles in a pained way. "What's wrong?" Clark asks. She runs a hand to his puffy, outstretched lips (maybe she thinks they're beefsteaks and she's hungry). Dark music plays. "Someone close to you is going to die," she says, scared. "Very soon." Clark looks like he may have wanted to have a reaction to that, but instead he just moves his eyes down and to the right. That's right, Clark. Emote! Cue the opening credits.
Kent Farm. Check out that windmill a-spinnin'. A blur of blue and a "whoosh" sound effect greet Clark's arrival home. Inside the barn, MamaKent and Bo Duke are sawing and using big, scary power tools. Clark mopily tells them that if they're going to be doing that kind of stuff, they should ask him to do it, since his limbs can't be cut off. MamaKent asks if something is bothering him. "I just think we should put safety first!" he whines. I bet he did one of those safety week posters in second grade and didn't win the contest. Poor, bitter boy. Bo Duke booms that dangerous work is part of farming. Then he blows into the inside of his goggles, which I just don't understand at all. Ma and Pa Kent ask Clark again if anything's wrong. Clark tells them about Cassandra and her premonition of an imminent death. Bo Duke looks skeptical as all get-out -- even though he harbors an alien being in his home -- and says, "You can't let some old...lady scare you with a half-baked prediction." I'm trying to figure out what Bo Duke almost said instead of "lady." Clark has proof: Pete's keys! Compelling, Clark. Compelling. MamaKent says that nobody can predict the future. "But what if she can?" Clark asks, his voice going up a few octaves. Bo Duke opines that even if she knows the future, she can't control it. Wise, yet stupid. Saw buzzing commences as Clark seethes with inner frustration.
Back at the retirement home, a sprightly young man bounds down the stairs wearing what look like blue hospital scrubs. He has goofy, buggy eyes and poor-man's-Cary-Elwes lips. We cut to a room where Young Crusty Man pulls some old newspaper clippings out from under a bed. Words like "strangulation" and "murder trial continues" are headlines on the yellowed papers. He comes to a paper with handwriting on it. The name "Zoe Garfield" is written. He "mmms" at this. Then he walks over to a mirror where he checks himself out. "Fate's giving you a second chance, Harry-Boy," he says to himself. "And this time...they're gonna pay." He points a finger-gun at himself. He's no Robert DeNiro, I tell you what.
Close shot of a woman's neck and upper chest. A red shirt with the top buttons unbuttoned and a unicorn head pendant on a necklace. We zip down over a boob to a name tag that reads "Zoe." Another great song by Gorillaz is playing ("5/4"), and I pray that this musical good taste can continue. Zoe, it turns out, is a blonde waitress at The Beanery. (We learn this week that it is indeed called "The Beanery" and not "The Tower.") Zoe is carrying a tray holding a sandwich bigger than her head. She drops it at the table where Young Crusty Man is sitting. He, wearing a wife-beater under his unbuttoned brown work shirt, looks at the burger in wonder. He inhales the patty. "God, I haven't been able to eat one of these in years. I mean, not since the bypass," he says. Zoe looks at him, dumbfounded. He tells her he's joking. "You're a riot," she says. "What can I get you to drink?" She's taking his drink order after he's gotten his food? Smallville has the worst waitresses in the world. Young Crusty Man looks up at a long menu of froofy Beanery drinks. "How much is coff-ee?" he asks, saying the word "coffee" in a funny, split up way, as if he were an alien new to the idea. "From, you know, beans," he continues. Zoe tells him it's $2.75. "Did they carry it here from South America by foot?" he asks, grumpily. Oh, the elderly! "You sound like my grandpa," Zoe says, walking off. Young Crusty Man tells her to make sure it's hot.
Pan over to Chloe, Clark, and Lana all walking in together. Chloe's hair looks as if she's auditioning for The Flying Nun. Stay away from the hairspray, Chloe. It makes for a bad habit. Clark is trying to reassure Lana, but she's upset because she misplaced an entire old person. Lana snarks that it's pretty impressive, even by Smallville standards. Lana asks who'd want to kidnap that sweet old man. Chloe opines that maybe a poi turned into a piranha and ate him. Clark smiles this weird little smile and shakes his head. "I'm just thinking out of the box," Chloe says. Crusty Young Man is within earshot, by the way. In fact, he interrupts them to tell Chloe she's got an interesting theory. He tells the gang he's new in town and that he heard this is where the young people congregate. Chloe makes fun of him for saying that, even though her own idiom is littered with clunky Kevin Williamsonisms half the time. Clark introduces Chloe to Young Crusty Man as "the rude one"; before he can introduce Lana, YCM calls her by her name. Ah, she has a name tag on. How convenient for him. He wishes them luck on finding the old person (Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. Bwah ha hahahaha!), and returns his attention to the coffee, which Zoe says was brought in by burro this morning. "Thanks, honey. You're a doll," he says. Lana looks at him curiously.
Old folks at home. Nursing home, that is. Crusty Young Man, it turns out, is actually Piano Man. He's playing the ivory keys as if he put the "ace" in "Liberace." As he finishes, Cassandra says, "You play beautifully!" Piano Man says he was supposed to attend Metropolis Conservatory. Oops. Cassandra tells him that closed in the '70s, and that his voice sounds young. He corrects himself, saying that he wishes he could have attended, if he'd lived in a different time. Not a very smooth save. Cassandra slips her shades on and asks him to give an old lady a hand back to her room. She reaches her crystal hand out to Piano Man. "I already know my future," he whispers, and walks off. Dis!
Fruit stand -- by which I mean Clark is standing. As he carries some produce, Lex's fancy ride is swerving down the road, making all kinds of screech sounds. Is that car a deep purple? Lex get out of the car. Clark complains about Lex's speed, giving him a worried-mom look. Lex strides out wearing a blazer and a pastel purple shirt. "Seriously!" Clark insists. "You could get hurt!" Lex looks touched by that. He asks why Clark is so concerned about his health. Maybe he wants to get a joint life insurance policy. Clark explains about Cassandra, and how someone very close to him might die. Lex doesn't even blink about the "someone very close" part. But you know inside, he's doing little cartwheels of joyous excess. Lex says the soothsayer is probably just being entertaining so she'll have an audience. Clark says that Lex sounds like his parents. "That must be a first," Lex says, smiling slyly. They keep walking, and end up inside Lex's office. Lex slips off his stuffy, hot, heavy coat and asks Clark whether he really wants to know the future. Clark asks whether Lex wants to know his future. "Life's a journey, Clark. I don't want to go through it following a road map," Lex says, opening up a bottle of his trademark blue water and holding it in his hand, because if you're Lex, you want something in that hand at all times. "It still wouldn't kill you to drive more slowly," Clark pouts. Lex says he doesn't have to: he has Clark as a friend, and Clark changed his future once already. They both stare at each other for what seems like hours, earning themselves the coveted Gayest Look of the Episode award. Clark gives a tiny smirk and then says he has some more deliveries to make. I start hearing '70s porn "Bonk, shuka, bonk, bonk" music in my head. The Delivery Boy, starring Clark Kent. "All he wants is a good tip." Heh heh. I just cracked myself up. Before Clark leaves, Lex asks the psychic's name. Lex says he'll ask her for some stock tips. Clark leaves. Before the scene is over, all of those folks with Lexlust get their fill: he opens his lips and sucks down a huge sip from that big blue bottle. Enjoy.
At the elders' home, Clark runs into Lana, who is staring at a poster board of resident photos. The one of Harry is missing a "young" photo to go with his more recent picture. Lana -- who is going for Nurse Exposition's job -- explains that the police were at the home asking questions about Crusty Old Man; it turns out he was a murderer when he was seventeen, which was sixty years ago. He was a concert pianist in the '40s who was to attend the Metropolis Conservatory until his teacher recommended someone else. His dreams shattered, he decided to destroy his teacher's dream: He killed the teacher's son. Zoom in on the now menacing picture of Crusty Old Man on the poster board.
Pro football on TV. A man is watching a game and yelling colorful advice to the NFL players. As the man in flannel cheers, the lights flicker and go out. "Circuit breaker," he mutters. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. It's Piano Man, holding a clipboard and talking about a faulty line a mile down the road. Football Man lets him into his house (don't do it!) and as they examine the circuit breaker, it's revealed that this man is the son of a man who started the first car dealership in Smallville in 1935. Oh man, this guy must be a millionaire with all the car crashes that happen every week. Football Guy seems thrilled that Piano Man knows all this trivia about Smallville history, especially when it concerns his family. As they're talking, Piano Man goes over to a drawer and conveniently finds a piece of wire. "Sounds like your father left you a bright future," Piano Man says. Foreboding music plays as he stretches out the wire against his hands, strangulation style.
Cassandra's room. Clark is standing in the doorway; she asks "Mr. Kent" if he's going to come in or not. Clark, dim as his dad, asks how she knows it's him. She gives the standard line about how when one sense goes, the others are heightened. She could actually hear him moping as he came in! She says she never thought she'd see Clark again ["as it were" -- Wing Chun], and invites him to sit. Clark says he can't get what she told him out of his head. Cassandra blathers that when she first got her psychic powers, she thought it was a curse. But then she hooked up with Miss Cleo and realized it's really a very lucrative gift! Oh, and guess what? She got her powers when she lost her sight: During the Smallville meteor shower that brought Clark to Earth. Clark, you are the cause and the defeater of all evil. "I'm sorry," Clark tells her. She says it's not his fault. Clark says his friends and family think she's not exactly...you know...not a fraud. Cassandra chuckles and says most people trust the unfamiliar and that she can only show them signposts on the way to their hells...er, I mean, "futures." She invites him to sit closer, but not in a dirty way, when Clark says he's just looking for some answers. "Now...take my hand," she says. Clark does. We flash to...
...a cheesy graveyard. There are lots of too-bright lightning effects and rain pouring down as Clark stands in the middle of a bunch of gravestones. When lightning flashes again, we start to see names on the stones. Jonathan Kent (better known as "Bo Duke"). We see stones for MamaKent, Chloe, Pete, and Lana. No gravestone for Lex, interestingly. Clark turns to each, reacting with horror. He finally lifts his arms a little and yells, "Noooo!" We crane-shot up to reveal that Clark is standing in a spiral of gravestones that stretch all around him. "Nooo!" he screams some more as we pan further and further back revealing more gravestones. I want to yell out, "MENDOZAAAAAAA!"
We brightly flash back to Cassandra's room. "No!" Clark whimpers. "You saw that too!" Cassandra says. Clark rushes out of the room at blur-speed, and Cassandra holds her own hand, putting it to her head; it looks like she may cry. They need this lady on the show every week.
I know it's a farm, but I keep thinking it's the Kent Vineyard what with all the whine that Clark keeps schlepping around. This time, he's whining about his "glimpse of the future." MamaKent and Bo Duke are skeptical, which is crazy considering that their son can bend toilet seats with his pinkie. At one point, Clark brings up the meteor shower and Bo Duke is all, "Oh, yeah, so that makes it that she can predict the future." My God, man! Get a grip! The meteor shower is responsible for car crashes, supermopes and each week's villain! How are you this detached from your fictional reality? Clark brings up my point and then cries that he may outlive everyone he loves. He's totally throwing a conniption fit. "I don't want to be alone," he says, before stalking off. Aw, Clark. That was almost cute. He even stops right in front of the camera like Little Superboy Lost. Bo Duke comes over and tells Clark, "The only person who controls your destiny is you." Clark says he doesn't feel like he has control of anything. Then he walks off. This Dramatic Moment brought to you by Pepperidge Farm, the most earnest of cheeses. Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Cassandra outside in a strange maroon outfit with a little Arby's bow at the neck. She's reading the Braille edition of The Daily Planet. Lex Luthor walks up behind her, carrying a teeny tiny purple flower. "Do those expensive shoes come with a name?" Cassandra asks him. "Lex Luthor," he answers. She asks if he's that same Lex Luthor that owns everything. He is. Lex sets the flower down on a backgammon board to her and sits. She asks what he wants. Lex starts asking smack about Clark. "What makes me think you're not here for stock tips, Mr. Luthor?" Cassandra asks. Lex, in a bright blue shirt and dark blazer, smiles. Lex says that he's looking for insight into Clark, who is a friend, but also a mystery. "Most people are," Cassandra tells Lex. "That's what makes them interesting." Lex comes right out and offers her money. "I can't tell you about Clark," Cassandra says with a hand wave. She tells Lex she can only tell the future. She reaches out her hand to take Lex's and tell his future, but Lex doesn't bite. (At least not in my dreams he doesn't. Wait. Did I say that out loud?) Lex says he doesn't need to know his future. Cassandra asks if that's because his father has it all mapped out. Lex says he makes his own destiny and he don't need no stinkin' fortune teller. "Maybe I'll see your friend, Clark," Cassandra says, trying to entice him. Ooh, she must be reading the "Homoeroticism, Yay!" thread in the forums. Lex gives her a hard stare and tells Cassandra goodbye. "It's been enlightening," he says, and takes off. She tells him to come back when he's ready.
In the offices of the school newspaper, The Torch, Lana is standing to Chloe's Wall of Weird. Clark walks in and is surprised to find her there. She was supposed to meet Chloe for info on Crusty Old Man. Clark explains that the Wall of Weird features all the stuff that's been strange in the town since the meteor shower. Lana asks whether Clark believes all the strangeness started on that day. Clark says he does. Lana gets very emotional and here's why: the picture of her as a little girl from the cover of Time magazine is up there to a two-headed cow. Lana whines that her deepest darkest secret it up there for the world to see. Clark sympathizes and says he doesn't see her as a victim, even though her parents became a paella under the weight of a big space rock. Lana says he's the only one. Clark is regretful yet again about the meteor shower. They lean in a little. But no kiss.
In the tongue-in-cheekly named Fortress of Solitude (Clark's barn), Clark explains that he didn't mean to blow off Pete and Chloe when he was supposed to meet them at the newspaper, but no mention is made of why he left. I guess he was consoling Lana, but we never saw that. Pete whips out a newspaper with news of the death of the car-dealership guy. Chloe has already made the connection that Crusty Old Man killed with piano wire in his heyday, as was the case with this new murder. Clark says it's a copycat murder. Chloe, as flippy of hair as ever, says that a copycatter wouldn't wait sixty years. Chloe shows a picture of Crusty Old Man when he was young, and he looks just like the boy from The Beanery. Chloe has already figured out that it's the same person. God bless her advanced peeking at the scripts. Clark suggests that Crusty Old Man might be getting fan mail from the copycatter (he's still on that kick.) They head out of the barn, presumably to search Crusty Old Man's room.
At the monstrously named The Beanery, Piano Man is playing a piano. This is the biggest, most elegant coffeehouse ever. There's a piano in there! Piano Man is playing up a storm, maybe hoping someone will put bread in his jar. Zoe walks up holding a tray and tells him she's closing up shop. He stops playing and says that the piano needs tuning. "You wanna settle up?" Zoe asks, but it sounds like she says "saddle," and I get all interested for a few seconds. Piano Man asks for another coffee and says Zoe can clean up to the sounds of Chopin. Goody. I'm sure she's all about Enrique Iglesias and not this "Chopin" guy, whoever that is. Is he like that "Choppin' Broccoli" dude?
At the nursing home, Chloe, Pete, and Clark are about to search Crusty Old Man's room, but Clark is intercepted in the hall by Cassandra. Incidentally, Cassandra's name is being used because of its significance in Greek mythology. Seriously. Check out the forums, since our posters are so smart about that sort of thing. Cassandra worriedly tries to calm Clark down. She is surprised that Clark saw the vision, since most of the people she touches don't see anything of their own futures. "Why me?" Clark asks. "We both know. You're not like other people," she warbles. She reveals that she's seen, in other people's futures, Clark helping people when they're in trouble. He's there to lift pain and despair. At least when he's not whining and moping to those who love him. Cassandra says that Clark's destiny is to help people, but that he has to figure out how. She stops short of suggesting tights and a cape. They hold hands again, but this time Clark sees a montage of people in trouble -- mostly Zoe, from later in this episode. He sees the unicorn-head necklace and a truck about to run someone over. "Who are they?" Clark gasps, eyes wide. "People who need your help!" Cassandra says. For the price of a cup of coffee a day, he can help a child living in poverty, you know. That might be a good start. Clark wants to know how to find people to help. Cassandra says that's all she has, and that he should go figure it out. And she offers to keep his secret safe.
Super-snoops. Chloe and Pete are searching Crusty Old Man's room, and don't even bat an eye when Clark enters without knocking. They didn't even lock the door. Aren't they ever worried about getting busted for breaking and entering? Chloe shows Clark some news clippings. A photo of Zoe shows the unicorn necklace; Clark suddenly says, "It's her," and takes off, leaving Chloe and Pete behind to do all the paperwork.
Beanery. Piano Man is writing something on a yellow napkin. He touches his hand in pain, rubbing it. Zoe comes over and tells him he has to leave, since she really is closing up now. Piano Man holds up the napkin. He reads it for her. It's a quote from Euripides: "The sins of the father are visited on the children." Zoe is almost impressed. Then, in a weird old-man voice, he starts babbling about Zoe's grandmother and how she took Piano Man's place at the Metropolis Conservatory. Zoe starts looking scared before he even really gets to his point, which is, "You 'bout to die, girlie." Piano wire is wrapped around Piano Man's hands. He moves forward and starts to strangle her. In slow motion, Zoe's unicorn necklace falls on the floor. Suddenly, glass breaks. Clark enters. Couldn't he have just broken the door handle instead of breaking all that glass? "Don't move, don't move!" Piano Man yells. He's picked up a huge knife and is pointing it at Zoe's neck. Piano Man ends up outside, but Clark zooms out to come around the other side at super-speed. Piano Man looks momentarily confused, but regains his composure. "I said let her go," Clark repeats. "Didn't your children teach you to respect your elders?" Piano Man says. Oh, good God, the cheese! I can't handle this much dairy! Piano Man spins Zoe around and dumps her into the street. The street, which hasn't had a car pass by in weeks, is now greeting a huge truck barreling toward her. Clark zips over and dives on top of Zoe (for once, he's on top of a woman). The truck passes, tearing up Clark's clothes and shooting sparks off his back. Clark gets up, leaves Zoe with the confused truck driver, and heads back toward The Beanery. In the back alley, he looks for Piano Man, but gets blindsided. He spins, and Piano Man tries to stab Clark in the heart with that big knife. In slow motion/cheap bullet-time, the knife shatters, sending fragments flying all over the place as if we're in a fish tank. Fragments pass right in front of the camera. Still in slow motion, Piano Man looks at the broken knife in confusion. Clark grabs his hand, spins him around, and throws him on top of a car, which completely breaks from his weight. Clark looks at Piano Man very seriously, as if to say, "There's your piano lesson."
Nighttime at the Kent House. Clark is sitting in the kitchen drinking from a coffee mug and wearing a white shirt. White? It's the first time we've seen him wear something other than red or blue. MamaKent knows everything happening in town, of course. She exposits that Piano Man is in the hospital and the truck driver isn't all that curious about Clark's miraculous survival. Zoe isn't asking questions either, and the police don't seem to care. Most unobservant town ever. Cassandra comes up in the conversation, and Bo Duke asks whether she knows Clark's secret. Clark sheepishly admits that she does. Bo Duke says he doesn't think Clark should see the old woman anymore: "Your destiny may be to protect people, but ours is to protect you." Explain to me how his argument makes any sense whatsoever. Protect Clark from what? Getting into a Harold and Maude relationship?
Stately Luthor Manor. The well-lit showroom where Lex keeps his wrecked Porsche from the first episode. Clark asks Lex why he still has the car. Lex explains about a rich man who almost died in a hotel fire, then bought the hotel and stayed in that room because he didn't think fate would find him twice in the same place. Lex says that a team that examined the car couldn't account for the roof being ripped off. Clark, incidentally, is wearing a blue sweater with a big red stripe and a smaller white one cutting across his chest. Subtle and very nicely done. Lex asks Clark whether he remembers anything about the accident. Clark says that he only remembers pulling Lex out of the water. Lex looks at him doubtfully. There's not as much sexual tension in this scene as usual, and that is very sad. Lex says it's an unsolved mystery. Clark says that maybe fate has something else planned for him. Lex complains about Clark spending too much time with Cassandra. Aw, jealousy. Now there's my sexual tension. Clark says that Lex has to ask himself where he should go from here, after the accident. I have a suggestion: how about going to theBuffymusical episode?
Hospital. A cop tells a doctor that he's there to pick up the kid from "The Beanery assault," and that is the single funniest line in the entire episode. They walk into the room where Piano Man is supposed to be and it's...CRUSTY OLD MAN! All ragged and moaning in bed and handcuffed to it. "Help...me..." he moans.
Clark and Lana are walking by the pond bridge where Lana first lost Crusty Old Man. They theorize about the sudden reappearance. Clark looks down and notices the glowy green rocks among the fish under the bridge. Chimey music plays as Clark starts to look nauseous. He excuses himself and goes back inside the old folks' home. Lana blinks a few times; it's her way of conveying befuddlement.
Crusty Old Man's room. Classical music is coming out of the record player, but Clark lifts the needle and stops that shit right away. This is Smallville, dammit, and if it's not crappy alt-rock music, we ain't having it. Clark confronts Crusty Old Man about the picture of Zoe under his bed ("I was just reading the articles!" he should cry), and accuses him of being Piano Man. Crusty Old Man is defiant, and says he doesn't need to explain anything. He lies there like a big old slug. He also asks about Clark's father and grandfather. "I'll be watching you," Clark says, with something that wants to be menace. Crusty Old Man calls a nurse and starts to whine and cry that he's being harassed. Clark could take a few whining lessons from this master of the game. The nurse shoos Clark out of there. Clark mopes right out.
Pond bridge. Crusty Old Man, in his wheelchair, looks over the edge of the bridge into the fishy water below. He takes a long look and then pitches himself over the edge and into the pond. I still can't figure out how he's able to tip a motorized wheelchair over so easily. Electrical buzzing. Seen it. Been there. Got it TiVoed.
The Torch. The Scooby Gang is digging up dirt on Crusty Old Man's past. A joke is told about Lana keeping an eye on him, and Chloe and Pete react with silence. That's almost funny. Lana walks in and announces that Crusty Old Man is missing again. Way to watch, Lana. Clark points out that there are meteor rocks in the pond. "At least now we know how he's doing the time warp," Chloe says. Lana is all, "Wuh?" and Clark says he'll explain later, but I'll bet he never does. Clark says that they have to figure out who he's going to kill . Chloe pulls out a list of jurors from Crusty Old Man's original murder trial. Clark reacts with horror when he sees his grandfather's name on that list: "Hiram Kent." "Harry's gonna kill my dad!" he says. Oh no! Bo Duke!
Quick cut to MamaKent opening her door to Piano Man, smiling his weird toothy grin and saying he's there to investigate a gas leak. Suspenseful music. Commercials.
Out Cold. You'll be lucky to be in that condition in the theater if you go see that movie.
Back at the Kent home, MamaKent is in grave peril. Piano Man tells her he's there to fix a gas leak. MamaKent says she doesn't smell gas. Piano Man tells her that Bo Duke called it in earlier, and asks if he's around. MamaKent gets all smart and asks about their regular gas man, Curt. I really want to meet Gas Man Curt. Piano Man says that Curt is on vacation. "That's right," MamaKent says and excuses herself for a minute, closing the door behind her. She quickly goes to the phone, but, OH NO! Piano Man busts in through a side door! "Curt isn't your regular gas man, is he, Mrs. Kent?" Piano Man asks. MamaKent asks what Piano Man wants. "To kill your husband," he says simply. "What did Jonathan ever do to you?" she asks. Piano Man says, "Nothing," but that Bo's father did. He moves forward, and MamaKent finally has something to do on this show: she picks up a glass vase and cracks it on the side of Piano Man's young noggin. Then she runs, grabbing some keys on her way out of the house. She tries to get into her car, but the front tire is flat. She runs to the barn. Piano Man follows as very fast music plays.
Inside the barn, Piano Man pulls out a very big blade from a farm machine. He starts sharpening the blade. I thought he was a Piano Man, not a farmer. We see MamaKent hiding inside a big metal silo. It's empty right now. A blade bursts through an opening and MamaKent screams, "Jonathan!" Let's see. Your son is Superman, yet you call out the name of your dim-witted, ex-Dukes of Hazzard, platitude-spouting farmer husband for help. Maybe you deserve to die at the hands of a Villain of the Week. Piano Man enters the silo. A big chain is hanging down between them from the ceiling to the floor. Gee, I wonder if somebody's going to pull it. MamaKent looks up and does just that. Oh, God! It's corn! Scary, painful corn! Piano Man reacts as though acid is falling on him instead of just tasty niblets. They struggle as Piano Man grunts and waves his blade. MamaKent falls and kicks at him. It's just a big, corny mess. Wrestling. Struggling. More corn than is typically healthy in an American diet.
Outside, Bo Duke is riding in his truck, probably humming, "Just some good old boys..." under his breath. Clark suddenly blurs in and appears in front of the truck. Bo Duke stops and jumps out, asking what's going on. Clark asks where MamaKent is and says somebody is trying to kill Bo. "Wuh...?" Bo asks, dumbfounded that someone would try to kill him. Bo Duke! The camera zooms in on Clark's pretty face. He spots the flat tire. "He's already here," Clark says, stating the more-than-obvious.
Corn silo. MamaKent is drowning in corn much as Lois Lane drowned in dirt at the end of the first Superman movie. Piano Man is nowhere to be seen. Somebody should just set fire to this place and turn it all into popcorn. MamaKent struggles, and then is still, having coughed up enough corn to feed everyone at the first Thanksgiving. All the corn rows in the field cheer at this ironic turn of events.
Bo Duke and Clark look for MamaKent. Clark uses his x-ray vision and sees a dying body inside the silo. "No!" he cries, and pulls open a metal portion of the silo, letting out a river of corn. He dives in and they start scooping out corn, very slowly. Can't he use his supershovel ability or something to make this go a little faster? They find MamaKent, who looks pretty dead. Bo Duke hesitates and then gives her some mouth-to-mouth. It is likely the first time their lips have touched since before the meteor shower. MamaKent buckles and starts coughing, very realistically, spitting up corn. Clark asks if she's okay. "You think...I'd ever leave you two alone?" she gasps. That sounded a little creepy and wrong. The three of them hug. "Cassandra was wrong, Clark," MamaKent says. "Nobody's going to die." Au contraire. Piano Man's hand is sticking out of the corn. As Clark watches, the hand changes from young to old and knobby. Clark-inflicted death toll in Smallville: what is it, like, six now? Except this time, I guess it wasn't really Clark who did it.
Cassandra's room. She's doing a puzzle. Lex walks in, carrying some white flowers. She says he's the last person she expected to visit her. Lex says he comes bearing gifts, holding up the flowers. "So did the Greeks," she says. Okay, we get that the show is clever enough to use the name "Cassandra" in reference to a soothsayer. Do we really have to belabor the point? "I wanted to take you up on your offer," Lex says. Cassandra says she thought he controlled his own destiny. Lex says he does, but that things have happened in his life that he doesn't want to ignore. Like naughty Clark luuuuve. "I lived when I should have died. There must be a reason for that," he says. He says that he doesn't want to do good things. He wants to do great things. Spoken like a true future evil genius. Lex asks if Cassandra is afraid of what she might see. "Sit," she tells him. Lex pulls up a seat. "You've been warned," Cassandra says, holding up a wagging finger. They touch hands.
Creepy, evil Lex sequence. Quick shot of the seal of the President of the United States, panning up to Lex, in a white suit, leaning forward, standing behind the desk of the Oval Office. This is the set from The West Wing, incidentally. Everything is glowy and overexposed and very cool. In fast motion, Lex walks to a door leading outside. We bright-flash to a zoom in on Lex's very blue eye. We zoom out and see Lex standing in a field of yellow flowers, with mountains in the background. Lex bends down and inhales the flowers's scent. He runs a black-gloved hand across the flower. It immediately shrivels and turns black. The entire field starts to follow suit. We get an overhead shot of Lex, as all the flowers around him die. The field of flowers turns to a field of human bones and skulls. Lex turns around, a faint smile on his face. The skies have blackened and are now turning red. Angry red storm clouds. Lightning. Now this looks like any Iron Maiden album cover. Lex looks up, blinking, and holds up his hands. Blood starts pouring down on him. On one of his hands is a black glove. The other hand is nude, a reference to the comic books, in which Lex had a ring made out of kryptonite, but got cancer from it and had to have his hand amputated. Lex holds up his hands higher as the blood pours down, covering him. We fly up and see him from up high.
Flash back to Cassandra's room. "What did you see?" Lex asks. Cassandra stares at him, head resting against her seat, motionless. Lex suddenly looks scared. He drops her hand and it falls limply. Cassandra is dead. Lex gets up and stumbles back, still carrying the flowers. Cassandra is still dead. Lex drops the flowers. "I need some help in here!" he calls out as he backs away some more. He takes one last look at Cassandra, rubs his hands on his suit, and takes off. A nurse comes in and takes a pulse. She closes Cassandra's open eyes. Just then Clark walks in. "I'm sorry, son. She's gone," the nurse tells him. Clark stares at Cassandra. "She saw it," he says quietly. "Saw what?" the nurse asks. "Her future," Clark tells her. The camera zooms in on Clark. Serious music plays us out. You get it? Because she died, and she was close to Clark! You see? Creepy! Fine. Okay. So maybe it's not The Sixth Sense. I was still pretty impressed.