The Trip

Das Sargzimmer. Mr. and Mrs. Cooper (parents of Baby Dillon) are seated on the sofa, with David and Nate facing them. Rick Cleveland and Michael Engler proceed to run down pretty much their entire clipboard checklist of SFU Standards in this one single scene. Basically, David acts all stuffy and only cares about making the arrangements and setting the price, while Nate gets all touchy-feely and uses his "gift" to console the grieving parents. And, of course, it's all shot with, like, no depth-of-field whatsoever. Then again, it is the perfect introduction for all the new viewers this show seems to have pulled in over the past couple of weeks. I mean, the forums are going crazy, people! Crazy, I say! Anyway, the point of the scene is supposed to be that the parents didn't know people had funerals for babies that young, but somehow it ends up coming off like they couldn't even grasp that the baby was dead in the first place.

Before I can really care about any of that, however, we cut downstairs to the Body Shop, where Rico has made his triumphant return. The bad news is that he's immediately presented with Baby Dillon's corpse to embalm. Nate pats him on the shoulder and delivers a sarcastic "welcome back," but Rico can't seem to take his eyes off the body. David anal retentives a bunch of information about their Vegas trip and all the rules to follow while they're away, but the camera just slowly pushes in on Rico as he continues to focus on the baby.

Later, David is in his room packing. Ruth enters, and discovers David's suitcase hanging from the same bolt in the ceiling to which he was chained in her bondage vision. Bwah! Frances Conroy's reaction shot here makes me giggle every single time I watch it. She announces that she brought David some t-shirts, and that they're even "still warm from the dryer." Of course they are. You've got, like, seven thousand laundry machines in that house, and God only knows how many there are in the garage. Mom sits down on the bed, and notices both an open condom wrapper on the floor, and a bottle of what I'm just going to assume is some form of lubricant. David suddenly spots the mess he's left, and kicks the wrapper under the bed while simultaneously using the t-shirts to hide the lube. Incidentally, the MBTV SFU t-shirts are a great conversation starter. That Grim Reaper on the front is usually the perfect expression for my mood. You guys should all buy, like, nineteen of them right away. Mommie Drearest finally screws up enough courage to pose the big question, saying, "I just want to know. Are you..." Before she can say the dreaded G-word, however, David interrupts to suggest that they wait to have this conversation until after he returns from Vegas. Ruth thinks that's the best idea she's ever heard, and quickly hustles out of the room.

Fade up on Gabe, waking up the morning in the hospital. He looks over to see Claire, still seated by his bedside. And get this -- she's reading a hockey magazine. See? It's a sign from the heavens. Lauren and I were obviously meant to be together. Claire explains that she's dragged her ass all the way out to Barstow, which she describes as "Bumfuck, Egypt," and she's not going to give up and go home just because Gabe whines a little. She further explains that MeanMom went out for more cigarettes (Hmm. Don't mind if I do. [Flick] Ahhhhh.), and that Claire hasn't told anyone that Gabe was really trying to commit suicide. After Gabe complains about the quality of the hospital food, Claire tosses a bag onto the bed and says that she brought him an Egg McMuffin because she knows they're his favorite. Okay, now that's just weird. Egg McMuffins are my favorite, too. It's almost like she's stalking me, people.

Back in The Body Shop, a silent Rico is still contemplating his restoration task. He pulls out a scalpel, but he can't bring himself to make an incision. Incidentally, StC = 965, so I gave this episode an A-.

It seems that Ruth has decided to improve her flower arrangement skills by signing up for a class at the Learning Annex. It's taught by Mary Gross, who informs her students that if they have any time left after their breathing exercises at the end of class, they'll be trying to create a "spiky" arrangement as well. Given her obvious resemblance to Brenda (and by the way, I heart the casting director for this show), I wonder whether maybe that's supposed to be some sort of a bangs joke. Mary explains that certain flowers need "TLC -- Tough Loving Care," and proceeds to smash up some stems with a hammer. She asks the class whether anyone knows why she's doing that, and only Ruth can answer. Believe me, Ruth is thrilled about that, too. ["The reason is, in case anyone cares, because the particular flower has a woody stem, and if you split it vertically, the flower will take up more water." -- Wing Chun] At Mary's command, all the ladies pick up their hammers and start whaling away at their stems. Wow. There is some serious pent-up aggression in that room.

Apparently unable to complete the embalming, Rico has gone home for the afternoon. He sits alone at the kitchen table, playing with a little baby toy, until Vanessa finally enters behind him. She's got a bag of groceries, and a whole long list of excuses as to why she's not resting in bed like she's supposed to be. Apparently, her sister got a two-day part on a Nicolas Cage movie. "She plays this hooker who witnesses a murder and then gets raped and killed," explains Vanessa. "She's got lines and everything!" Okay, heh. I mean, we get the whole Nicolas Cage/Las Vegas joke, but is that role really any worse than spending two days playing The Girl Whose Face Gets Smashed In? Rico is all concerned about the baby's health, and he confesses that he just can't handle embalming Sweet Baby Dillon. In fact, he hasn't done a baby since their own son was born. He continues obsessing over this, and Vanessa finally manages to console him. The scene ends with Rico pressed against Vanessa's belly, listening for the baby's heartbeat.

At the convention, Nate and David are attending a Kroehner-sponsored seminar on restoration techniques. The featured presentation is all about the aforementioned Girl Whose Face Got Smashed In, but the Kroehner guys are claiming all the credit and not even mentioning Rico. Nate can't even stand to look at the accompanying slide show, exclaiming that the picture of Chloe Yorkin (which is pretty fucked up) is "like fucking science fiction."

Meanwhile, in another part of the casino, Brenda plays blackjack and flirts with some random guy in a cowboy hat. Suddenly, Billy sits down beside her and asks to be dealt in. Brenda immediately jumps up, and runs off to move the conversation to a location better suited for filming large chunks of dialogue. Billy follows her, and once again reiterates that he "NEEDS" her. Of course, he then also tries to claim that his presence in Vegas is merely a coincidence, so who knows what's up with this guy? Brenda shouts that Mom and Dad told her about the bomb and all the other stuff, which causes Billy to inquire as to whether she thinks he's "Billy McVeigh" all of a sudden. There's lots of screaming about who might have been lying to whom, and it's all finally resolved when Brenda trumps Billy's denials by adding that Dad showed Brenda Billy's manifesto. I guess that makes it official. Billy is this season's Big Bad. Just as Nate conveniently decides to wander past, Brenda tries to walk away, and Billy grabs her. Nate immediately climbs up onto his white horse and rides to the rescue. He shoves Billy away, and after the boy fixes us with yet another Creepy Jesus glare, Billy turns to walk out of the casino. Brenda can't believe that he would follow them to Vegas, but Nate admits that he's "not entirely surprised" by this turn of events. To be honest, who really was?

Back to Silent Rico in The Body Shop. He plays with Baby Dillon's fingers while golden embalming fluid slowly trickles into the body. Tears well up in Rico's eyes, and he has to struggle to continue.

Over at Flower Arranging 101, Mary is critiquing her students' work. She describes various arrangements as being "very nice" and "luscious," but she feels Ruth's is merely "tight." She suggests that Ruth needs to start breathing not from her head, but instead from down near her crotch. Ruth grabs her chest and says, "But my lungs are here." Okay, heh, but these are not two women I'd ordinarily want to see with this sort of subtext. "I was speaking metaphorically," answers Mary, and oddly enough, that's another one of the excuses I laid on Lauren's lawyers. Professor Gross announces that it's time for the breathing exercises, and all the ladies excitedly hurry into the room. Mary pulls Ruth aside and asks, "You're a bit of a control freak, aren't you?" Ruth vehemently denies this allegation, but Mary just presses on, suggesting both better breathing habits, and also anti-depressants.

At the Fortress, Rico is working the room for Baby Dillon's funeral. As has been noted in the forums, he's wearing David's suit and Nate's hair. The parents come over to thank him for his work, especially because the grandparents never even got a chance to see the baby, and now "it's like they really met him." They ask whether Rico has kids of his own, and he tells them about Julio, but then stops short before mentioning that Vanessa is about to give birth again. He leaves the parents to be alone with their child, and heads to the back of the room to do that arms-spread door-closing trick that all morticians seem to do. He stops with the door open just a crack, however, and continues to stare at the tiny little coffin.

Now we get a shot of the Eiffel Tower, in case there's anyone in the audience incredulous enough to believe that the gang has now packed up and gone to Paris. Pan down to Brenda snapping a photo of Nate in front of the Paris hotel. She announces that she loves that her boyfriend protected her that way, and then she grabs Nate's ass and leads him into another Viva Las Vegas montage, only this time that's the French "viva" instead of the Spanish one. We see them taking cute pictures with that random cowboy guy, drinking neon-blue cocktails from a giant Eiffel Tower glass, strolling along the Champs de Sunset Strip, and heading back to their room to mack Vegas-style, baby!

Across town, David's new friends have brought him to a strip club. Either David is very, very drunk, or he's a very good actor, because he looks like he's having a great time. One of the friends buys David a lap dance. The stripper, who calls herself Amber, slides onto David's lap and begins wriggling like a fish out of water. Eventually she notices that David is...well, a big old softie, if you know what I mean. She asks whether he's enjoying himself at all. He confesses that he's gay, and she says that, in that case, he won't mind her cutting the dance short. When David's friends ask what's going on, Amber immediately spills the news that he's gay. "I wish you would have told us that sooner," says the friend. Heh. David agrees that he probably should have, and then gets up to leave. In the front of the bar, he calls a cab to pick him up, and then he pulls out that escort service flier he got earlier. He flips to a picture of "Brad," who looks like he should be doing underwear modeling, and picks up his phone again to place an order.

Flower class once again. Ruth has "improved" her original arrangement by shoving a bunch of ugly, tall, red flowers into the middle. She steps back and appraises her work. Deciding that she's not happy, she rips out the ugly, tall, red flowers, and replaces them with ugly, tall, purple flowers. There's yet another montage (this time backed with a cleverly re-mixed version of the opening credits) as she breathes from her crotch and all the other ladies gather round to admire her work.

Returning to plots that actually matter, we find David waiting outside the bar. The cab pulls up, but instead of David getting in, Wolverine gets out. It's Brad, and as David notes, he "looks...different from the picture." Brad explains that it's an old photo, and yeah, he really does look like Wolverine. Plus, Hugh Jackman is, like, the perfect name for a male prostitute anyway. Wolfie says several calculatedly disgusting things just so we know how low David is stooping here, and then demands $200 up front for his services. David only has $80, but Brad agrees to take it without any complaint. They argue for a moment about where they should do the deed; David doesn't want to bring a wolf-man back to his room. "Oh, I get it," says Brad. "Don't want to wake the wife?"

Cut to Brad and David macking, parking garage-style. I'll just describe this scene by saying that the people who were upset about not getting to see the gay sex a few weeks back no longer have anything to complain about. David also sends up a great big psychological warning flag by grunting, "You like that, don't you, faggot?" as he demonstrates his versatility. Suddenly, red and blue lights start flashing, and the cops arrive to break up the parking-lot party.

Down at the station, a dazed David is being fingerprinted. That task complete, the cop informs him that he gets one phone call. We see him dial, but we don't know who he's calling yet. Fade to white.

Morning in Vegas. David is escorted out of lock-up by a cop who hands him over to -- dun DUN dun -- Keith! David looks like shit, and Keith continues to lecture him about his self-destructive behavior. "Were you using condoms?" asks Keith, and David is forced to admit that he wasn't. Bad David! Bad David! I'm not even going to dignify the "does David have AIDS now?" tease they're going for here by mentioning it. Except for the part where I just did. Keith managed to get all the charges against David dropped, and he claims that he did it because he loves David. "But I won't ever do it again," he continues. Before he walks away for good, he counsels David to get some help. Man, where's Gayoda when you need him?

More teases. Vanessa finds Rico at home, and tells him that something is wrong with the baby. They rush off to the hospital. At this point, who didn't already know that the episode would end with Rico holding a healthy baby?

Back in Vegas, David emerges from the hotel to find Brenda and Nate packing up the car for the return trip. "Did you have fun with the guys?" asks Brenda, but David is too hung over to formulate a reply. "Let's just get the hell out of here," he says, before crawling into the back seat and falling asleep against a suitcase. Nate, however, has apparently been following Ed Begley's advice, and is now driving an irony-powered car as he opines that "somebody got lucky last night."

Ruth now makes a triumphant return of her own. She's back at Nikolai's shop, putting together a flower arrangement that's marginally better than any of her work, but still ugly as hell. Nikolai, however, likes it quite a bit, and is even more impressed when Ruth shows him her certificate from flower class. He announces that she'll be doing the arrangements today, and Robbie will have to work the register. Robbie tries to protest, but Nikolai cuts him off. "Do you have diploma from flower school?" he asks, and despite his twenty years of professional flower arranging experience, Robbie is forced to say no. He simpers off once again to work the register.

Story line wrap-ups continue as Claire goes to visit Gabe again. His mom has left to return to her job, but Gabe is excited to announce that he'll be getting out that afternoon. Claire climbs onto the bed with him, looks deep into his eyes, and announces that she loves him. Argh! Noooooooooooo! Gabe says that he loves her right back, and while some have questioned whether or not he really would have said that, I simply wonder how anyone could think someone wouldn't love Lauren Ambrose. On the other hand, I've come to realize that the Fishers pretty much all have horrible taste in prospective mates. I mean, you've got a lying foot-fetishist, a quasi-psycho questionable genius, a male prostitute, a drug-addled square dancer, and worst of all, Ed Begley Jr. Suddenly, my love life is looking pretty good.

Back at the Brotherfucking Boudoir, Nate and Brenda are reviewing their vacation photos. Keep in mind, by the way, that Vanessa has ostensibly been in labor this whole time, while these guys drove back from Vegas, got unpacked, had their photos developed, and kicked back to relax and review them. No wonder Rico is concerned about her health. Nate is suddenly disturbed by several of the photos, and when Brenda examines them, we see that they're pictures of the two of them sleeping. Obviously, they were taken by Billy The Super Sibling Stalker. I won't even bother with all the "how did he get into their room?" and "how come the flash didn't wake them?"-type questions, and simply point out that this guy is a way worse stalker than I could ever be. Take that, Lauren's lawyers. Brenda is truly freaked out by all this, and it's all Nate can do to try and comfort her as she comes to terms with the fact that her brother is a freak.

Cut from Brenda's sobbing and heavy breathing to Vanessa's sobbing and heavy breathing, as the Longest Labor Ever is still ongoing. In fact, it's gotten so bad that the doctors have decided to do a C-section. The doctor announces that the baby is a boy, and asks whether they've come with a name. "Augusto," answers Vanessa, and even though she claims it's after her father, we all know that's a shout-out to Gustave. Hell, he'll probably land the Rick Cleveland interview now, too. There's much tension in the room as the baby is pulled out, and suddenly the heart monitor starts doing the Long, Endless Beep Of Impending Televised Death. Gustave, do me a favor and ask Rick if he's sure he never wrote for ER, okay? They take the baby over to the table where they always take sick babies in hospital dramas, and Michael Engler milks the scene for every second of tension he can squeeze out before the rapidly approaching 10:30 deadline. Finally, the baby starts crying, and everyone is happy and smiling as he's brought over to "meet the parents." Vanessa laughs and announces that Augusto "is so pissed off," and Rico giddily kisses his baby's fingers and toes as we fade to white.

Don't go anywhere folks: the season finale is coming right up. The biggest unanswered question? How the hell is Aaron going to write two recaps in one week, when he can barely get one done now? ["Especially since the finale is two hours long? Hee hee...." -- Wing Chun] You won't want to miss this.