By Nicole
Samantha walks into a new bar on the West Side, and Carrie tells us, "It was the typical male mix: ten percent Wall Street, ten percent real estate, ten percent she'd already slept with." Samantha sees a man from across the room and Carrie tells us, "His name was Tom Reymi. A Manhattan legend...the male Samantha." Oh good god. He walks over to Samantha, and they already know who the other is. It's good to know that they each know they are the male and female Mattress-Backs of Manhattan. That way, they can compare notes on each other with their friends. They decide to skip the small talk and pleasantries and go home to fuck. Back at his apartment, the two of them are macking and he asks if she swings, and shows her his sex swing. She gets all hot and bothered and tells him she always wanted to join the circus. He asks her when was the last time she had an AIDS test, and tells her he was tested three weeks ago. Carrie tells us, "The only sex test she had ever taken was the Cosmo quiz." He asks if she has been tested, and she looks all sheepish and tells him she knows she is healthy. He tells her he can't have sex with her the way he wants unless he knows she is safe, and that she should really get a test because he is a very good fuck and she won't regret it. Samantha looks all confused. I can't believe that Reymi wasn't all disgusted that a tramp like Samantha never bothered to test herself. If I was with someone who I knew got around as much as they did and I found out he had never had a test, I would be running out of their apartment yelling, "Cooties! Cooties!"
Charlotte plops down a mountain of bridal magazines at the restaurant table the girls are sitting at and tells them about all the color-coded Post-It notes on the pages of the magazines that signify whether she thinks she likes the gown, thinks she really likes the gown, or doesn't know if she likes the gown. Miranda asks them to kill her, and Charlotte passes out magazines to the girls. Miranda gets Modern Bride, Samantha gets New York Bride, and Carrie asks if she gets "Annoying Bride." Miranda sees a cute pocketbook in her magazine, and Charlotte tells her she can only look at gowns. Miranda is all, "What's your theme again, 'A Nazi Wedding'?" From out of nowhere, Samantha asks if they've all had an AIDS test. Carrie is all, "Good morning. Where did that come from?" and Samantha tells them she met a hot guy, but he won't have sex with her until she has a test. Charlotte is being all-about-me-bride and whines, "Samantha, we're looking at wedding gowns, could you not talk about AIDS right now?" Carrie tells Samantha she has had two tests, and Miranda tells her she had three tests. They look at Charlotte, and she doesn't even pay attention to what they are talking about and asks, "How do we feel about opera-length gloves?" They can't believe Samantha had never had a test. She tells them she is terrified of maybe having AIDS. Oh, okay. So if you never get tested, it means you don't have it. That's smart. Oh, wait, it isn't. It's totally ignorant. Carrie and Miranda tell her the test is nothing, but the worst is waiting for the results and hoping they don't get taken to the little room that the people who test positive get taken to. Charlotte yells out, "There are 1400 gowns in this magazine, and I've only seen 600 of them. I need help!" Samantha tells her to "chill the fuck out" and hire a stylist who will help her find a dress, and offers to fax her over some names. Charlotte is finally happy. Samantha wishes she could get someone to take the AIDS test for her. I wish the writers of this show could make these characters responsible for their own actions.
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